Latest / Arkansas Athletes Outreach / Ep. 1 - Accountability First: Lessons From 31 Coaching Years

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Ep. 1 - Accountability First: Lessons From 31 Coaching Years · Arkansas Athletes Outreach

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, and welcome to the AAO Podcast.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_01: Here at AAO, our mission is to build champions for life through the transformational power of sports.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: Here on this podcast, we are aiming to equip you, the parent, the grandparent, the guardian, the aunt, the uncle, leading a child in youth athletics in today's culture.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: So buckle up and thanks for joining us here on the AAO Podcast.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: Well, welcome everybody to AAO's inaugural episode of our podcast, where we aim to equip parents, grandparents, guardians of kids in athletics.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: Today I get to be joined by uh someone over the last couple of years I've been able to call a friend, uh, Mr.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: Jeff Soterquist.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Jeff is the associate athletic director over at JBU, John Brown University, some golden eagles in the action.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: I like that.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: Uh hey, prior to that, Jeff coached 31 years.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and in 1997, he stepped into the head coaching role of JBU's women's program.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: In that time, Jeff had seven 20-win seasons.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: You're getting after it a little bit there.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: Uh along with that, I found out one national semifinal appearance and six NAIA All-Americans.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's pretty solid there.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: And then two-time SAC coach of the year.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I think we might would both agree your best accolade being married to Amy for 33 years.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: Is that like the top tier thing for you?
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: No, definitely.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: And and again, this is most people know, coaches wise, they go through a lot.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: So for her to be with me for 33 years, yeah, no, it's been great.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like we could do another episode of just her perspective on everything we talked about and just have her fact check it on this.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's right.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: So uh 31 years coaching.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, how did you get into that?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, were you an athlete growing up?
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's a while.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: You made a career out of it.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: I was.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: I yeah, I you know, I always wanted to be a teacher.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that was um something that early on I always wanted to be a teacher.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: It was probably not until high school that um some coaches I had that I kind of went, you know, I'd I'd like to be a coach.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: And um I played lots of sports and uh uh basketball kind of was the the lead sport in that.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: I did play college tennis also.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: I did play golf.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: I I was a cross-country runner.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um I didn't like it, but I was good at it.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but but uh played soccer up to a certain age and and and those type of things.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: So but but basketball kind of and I yeah, I wanted to then as I went into college, wanted to be uh a basketball coach and and kind of geared my um education and my uh career towards that.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so um, you know, Plether of Sports sounds like you played growing up out of all those years as a kid, from being a kid all the way to college as an athlete.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, what's your Hall of Fame moment, Jeff?
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I didn't prep you on that question.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: What's your Hall of Fame moment?
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: The one thing you're you're hanging your hat on as an athlete, like, hey, this was it.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: That was my that was my moment.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man, I didn't um yeah, you know, it I think I had different ones in different sports right there.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think um my my my senior year in basketball, I I had some some big games and um uh one.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: It used to be, we used to have back then, we used to have the Benton County tournament, and all the teams in Benton County got me playing for the Rogers Don, and and um we had met, and that's when Bentonville was smaller, and they were even in a classification lower than Rogers.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um and uh and I had a I had a pretty good game in the finals against Bentonville, and and we beat them, and so so that was a big moment.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's a thing, yeah.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And uh um, yeah, and tennis, I got you know ranked in the state of Arkansas as I played uh the junior ranking system and stuff like that, and had some big tournaments um around the state, a lot, a lot of whom were in in the Little Rock areas in time.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um uh we only had very few tournaments up here, but uh but yeah, no, I I'd say that that's where it'd be okay.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I just I'm always curious that people like, hey, back in the day, yeah.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: What was the moment that you felt like you had arrived?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: Back in the days getting further and further back then.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, your spring ticket to remember some of those.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, hey, so kind of hopping into some of this here that we're talking about today.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so 31 years coaching.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: Now help me out.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: Was that all at JB?
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: It was.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I uh when I graduated, I was trying to find jobs.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: I had been, I had an injury that that ended my career.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: And uh the head uh coach, uh coach John Shehai wanted to uh he knew I wanted to be a coach, and he said, why don't you finish out your career as a student assistant?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: And um, and I did that for two years.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then uh I was graduating and he was trying to help me find a job.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I was applying all over the place.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: My wife's in Colorado, so I was applying here in Arkansas, I was applying out of Colorado and everything.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: And the assistant coach that um was a JBU and the tennis coach, which I played under because I did play basketball and tennis, were both leaving.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: And so the school approached me, hey, would you want to be the men's um assistant basketball coach and the head men's tennis coach?
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: And um and I took it.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: You said right into that.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you're right, yeah, buddy.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I just so right after graduation, I graduated from John Brown University right after graduation.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: I stepped into that role and did that role and and other roles, um, typical small college.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: At one point, I was also sports information director and and other things like that.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: But I did that for four years.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then in our men's program was basketball was very successful.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: And um the women's coach was retiring, and um the president um and the AD approached me at a very young age would I consider being the women's yeah uh coach.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I never sought up to be the women's basketball coach.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and uh it was actually the men's coach I worked for.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: So would be a better chance of getting my job someday would be staying as my assistant or having head coaching experience.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: And uh he was the one that really kind of I did a lot of prayer about it and uh and went into it.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then to be honest with you, I I just fell in love with it, had opportunities to go back to the guy's side, had opportunities to move up, um, and both things I figured out.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um I I just really felt like I found my niche and uh stayed on the women's side and was the heading women's coach there for 27 years.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the last 27.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: And then part of that time, about 19 of those last years, I was also assistant athletic director.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but uh yeah, I I had opportunities to go back, I had opportunities to move up.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I just really felt like uh JBU's mission and my mission were the same.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and uh the the way I liked to coach and the way I like to impact lives.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: And uh so yeah, yeah, that's kind of the story.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, and I I think I mean it's fascinating to me.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: You people may disagree with this, this may not be accurate, but it seems like I mean, 27, 31 years there, a lot of coaches aren't sticking around that long in one spot.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so, I mean, it kind of seems a little rare to me.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: You said your your personal mission and JB's mission were aligned.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: It sounds like that had a lot to do with you being there that long.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: How'd you see that carried out as a cash 100?
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: I as I always told parents when I was in their house recruiting their their daughter, is um uh no new school is perfect, right?
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: But but Tom Brown had a lot of good things, and I could uh I I could sell it, not like the used car salesman, but I was just like uh uh this it was a great school.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's one of the top academic schools in all the region.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: It is in the state.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's got the Christian atmosphere.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: But the unique thing about John Brown and athletic and with athletics with that is they also said we can do those two things, and we can be excellent on the court, on the field, wherever, and we can compete.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I just think and do it the right way.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where I just felt like we we aligned with all those things.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: And so um, that's what, yeah, and it just I just was a believer in in the university, and uh the university was a believer in me and the way uh that that that uh I carried out the team and and um you know and prime example, my last my last season, we were 29 and four and 22 and oh in the conference, and we had a team GPA of 3.75.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so you can right, you can do that, and you can do it in the classroom.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's just a prime example of what a JBU athletic team uh looks like.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: But what do you think the balance is?
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so imagine um, you know, a parent has a kid coming up through high school, their two are in schools, they're having these conversations, and I mean, Jeff, maybe even before that, they're looking at club ball, whether that's volleyball, basketball, soccer, whatever it may be, um, you know, and they're getting a good look at at this coach and their program.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, how do you how do you how does a parent find that balance or see that balance between accountability and encouragement?
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: Reaching the stuff on the court and also reaching the heart.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, what would be some signs, you know, that a parent could look for in that?
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I think the the the biggest thing that that I tried to do in in my program, and I learned I I had um I was very fortunate growing up.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: I had a father very successful in in the Walmart world and got to know people like Samuel and my dad and and things like that.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: And the the one thing those type of people always had is they they communicated and and they cared.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: And and so as a coach, one of the things that I always tried to do is um I I cared more uh about them than just the X and O's and the success on the court.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: They knew that I cared about them as a person.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um and so then when they do know that, and then you have to have to hold them accountable in a certain situation.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: They they and it's not it wasn't perfect all the time, but but that they they knew, hey, coaches uh coach really cares about me, but he's also holding me to a higher standard.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: And um uh I I think sometimes I I see a lot of times with young coaches that that they're afraid to communicate or afraid to have those hard conversations, right?
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: And and they if you don't have those hard conversations, they're gonna make up their own scenario in their head right there.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think um, and again, there's a right way to do it, a wrong way to do it, you know.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: You but but to be honest, I mean, I expect them to be honest with me, and and I've got to be honest with them.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that's that's hard and and and and those type of things.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: But I do think um uh and I do think you gotta encourage, right?
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: There's that there's that you you gotta let them know when that when they do things right, sure and stuff like that.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think um uh caring about them and and holding them, and and you'd be surprised, most of the players, at least that I tried to recruit, um, and I I would say this my top players, like the all-Americans you mentioned by six all Americans, they wanted to be coached.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they wanted to be held accountable.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: I think some of the ones that aren't that level are the ones that don't want to, right?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but those players, those those all Americans I had, and even ones that maybe weren't all Americans, but all kinds of the my top elite players, they wanted to be coached.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, yeah, and they wanted to be held accountable.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: And and they they thrived.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: Even if it was some of them were so competitive, it was to a point of I want to show this guy, I can do this right there.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but they they they wanted to be so you know, I mean, I do think and I do think you got encouraged.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: I do think you gotta let them know when they do it right and you gotta be excited about that, but you also um yeah, and I learned from from most coaches a long time ago, it's my job, it's not my job to be liked, it's to be to be respected.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: And that's hard, and I think a lot of coaches today they want to be liked.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and it it's just um, yeah.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you you can even see it with youth pastors.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes they want to be liked more than they want to be respected.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: And and I think respect is you're fair, you communicate, uh, you encourage, and and you hold them accountable.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's so many good things there.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just taking back, I had an old mentor, Brian Beltramo, and he's been in the sports space now, gosh, for 25 years or so.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: And he said a couple of things, I'll just never forget this, really early in my professional career.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: He told me these things that really line up with what he said.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: Two points on it, Jeff was nobody cares what you know until they know how much you care.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and so if I come into our relationship and I just start giving you a bunch of information, hey, this is how I want you shooting this ball, this is how I want you doing this.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I haven't reached reached you as a person yet.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: And that's just a rough barrier to entry.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: And athletes are the same way, and they I think they see through that.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I think it's uh a marginal few that can ignore that gap and still perform.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: I think what we're seeing in this day and age is athletes want to be reached.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: You know, they want to know that they're they're cared for.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: That's why you as a coach, you'd go sit in someone's house to recruit them.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: The power of a handwritten letter.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_01: I still have handwritten letters from my college coach.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: And and honestly, that was that was part of the reason why I wound up at DBU.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: The guy would send me a letter every other week.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm like, this kind of either A, he doesn't have anyone else he's recruiting, right?
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: Or B, he just really cares about you know, the second thing he said in there uh was to the effect that, you know, when there's a gap in communication, things go awry.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: And uh my buddy Brian Beltrami said this to me one time.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_01: He said, when there's a gap in communication, we often fill it.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: And then we're usually wrong.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: You know, whenever there's a break in our relationship or our communication, for whatever reason, human tendency, we just tend to fill it with the worst thing.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_01: Are they mad at me?
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: Am I not doing well?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_01: They must like that person a little bit better.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I'll tell you, Jeff, I mean, I still struggle with that.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: You know, as a husband, as a father, as a professional.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like I haven't heard from that person in a few weeks.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: I should probably probably just need to go pick up the phone and address it, right?
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: And um, so there's a lot there that he said that I'm like, oh yeah, like adages that still hold true.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and I see with a lot of coaches today, they'll be that there's a and I see this in the business world.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: I uh I learned this from people like Sam Walton or my dad is is that don't assume that they think like you.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: And and so I'll see coaches today that they'll be frustrated with what a how a player performs in practice, engages like that, and then they'll wait to the year-end meeting and they'll approach it all.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the player doesn't even know where I sometimes will tell them the the seat on the bus next to me coming home after a game sometimes can be a revolving door.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: I uh yeah, I'm dealing with it right away.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, practice, I'm dealing with it right away, communicating so they know what I'm thinking because again, if they if they don't know what I'm thinking, they're gonna make up their own uh assumptions in their head of what I'm thinking.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of times it's not even that.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: And for me to also understand what they're thinking, because I can make up what I think as a coach.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: And so I and so I'd bring them up and yeah, I I just I always try to communicate um right away and and and find out either what what they're thinking or make sure they they they understand what I'm thinking.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: Uh high importance on um just clear communication, high importance on, hey, I just want to make sure there's no barrier between our relationship because we both want to be either effective in what our roles are, either as a coach and an athlete, or I want to be effective in my ability to influence and mentor and mold you as a coach and yeah, trying to pull some of those barriers down.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, you know, do you see it all, or do you think in the sports space, and maybe maybe this is the college space still, or maybe that we're talking about youth athletics.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: Do you think parents and coaches, do you think they they're focused too much on trying to protect their athlete from criticism or from coaching?
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: Do you see that at all?
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: I do.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: I I do.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's that thing of wanting to be liked and respected.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um I uh uh some of the hardest things I went through in my life were through athletics.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I learned so much through those more.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, how many times do we say we learn more from a loss than a win?
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: And and so I do think um I do think there is a sense and in in this generation that that we we've gotta protect them.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um you know, an example, and and and again, I I don't I don't know if I would uh still do this in this day and age because because I think the age things, but in the early 2000s we had a really good team.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um one of my teams that went to the national tournament and um we kind of hit it was kind of late January, early February, and then we kind of hit a skid a little bit at that when we were on the road and um we weren't playing well, losing to a team we we we should beat and we lost.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: And at halftime I told them because they were I just thought they were outworking us, they were hitting offensive boards or so I just said for every offensive rebound and something else I can't remember that they get in the second half, we're gonna run.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um we're gonna run and even get back to the gym.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, yeah.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: And um we didn't.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: They the number ended up being nine.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, as the years go on some players expand, number grows a little bit.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but we get back and you know, small college, we're on a bus.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: We get back about 1:30, tell them to go to the locker room, it's 2 a.m.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: in the morning.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and we run.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: You just set off right now.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: Nine too that's it, 2 a.m.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: in the morning.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and and I think today that would be looked upon as as maybe being too resurrected, but I will tell you, every single one of those players um has said um that they they obviously didn't like, but they said they learned more that night than any other night.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: And the biggest thing that they learned is that they could they could do it and they could persevere.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: And and that after that, we actually went on a six-game winning streak.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because we were kind of maybe on the bubble making the national tournament because we hit this kid.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: We went a six-game winning streak uh to end the season and made the national tournament and and and had a good and they all talk about they learned that that they could do it, they learned um uh perseverance, they learned to pull together as a team, they learn they all now look at it as a positive.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, I think that night they probably weren't thinking positive.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, yeah, and again, and again, let's be honest, coaches have probably taken some of those type of things to the extreme and too far, and and and we don't need to do that, but but adversity's not bad.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and and you know, and they were they were kind of stuck in a rut and there's and something needed to kind of perk them up and they got them fired up, and and that night was was hard and and and they did it, and um and then they started believing themselves again, and we we we started, and they all mention it to this day that that was one of the biggest nights that they learned a lot about themselves and and a team, and they remembered that in a positive way.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: Remember it in a negative way.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: And um, um so yeah, I I do think that that we can kind of be uh a little bit of and you know bad refing happens.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you know, you know, bad, you know, there's bad breaks.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: We play teams that are dirty, you put all those things are part of of life, and um uh and I remember growing up, you know, I mentioned tennis.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: I was playing in a big tennis tournament, and my my dad was there watching, and and you know, that was you know, you call your own lines, yeah.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I had this guy that was he was cheating, he was cheating.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, he was not calling, you know, and I kept looking at my dad, my dad just kept encouraging me.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: My dad never went to anybody, my dad never complained or anything, and and I lost.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I got in a car and I was upset and I go, Dad, I got cheating because he did.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, but but but what what can you learn from that?
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: And and what and he didn't rescue me.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: And and and he said, You know what?
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: He's not gonna be the first person that teaches in your life, and you gotta learn how to do it then.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: And and and yeah, I was pulling for you to still overcome that and still win, but you didn't.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: So what what can you learn from that?
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: And and I Remember this to this day, um, that I think because my dad very much could have thrown a fit, started yelling at people, started getting shitle and whatever, and he didn't rescue me.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: And now he kept encouraging me, and I kept looking at him like dad rescued me.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: If he would carry, you can do this.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: You know, he encouraged me and everything, but he never did anything.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: And and I and I learned a lot from that because yeah, because I had to learn.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's the first time I got cheated.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, in my life.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_01: What a lesson.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_01: And what's really cool to me about that, and I'm smiling here to earn listen to you because I always tell people there's three three things I want my kids to get out of sports, Jeff.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: You know, my son is seven, he's going to three-on-three basketball this weekend.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_01: And so that'll be his first time doing organized basketball games.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: He does some baseball as well.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_01: But and then my daughter's nine and she does cheerleading and she's doing volleyball this spring or this fall.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I always tell people there's three things I want my kids to get out of sports right now.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: I want them exposed to stress.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: I want them to learn really early on how to respond just when things are hard and when things aren't really clear.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_01: I think most of the time, unfortunately in life, when we live in a fallen world, that things are really hazy at times.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what am I supposed to do?
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so I want my kids exposed to stress, even at the age of seven.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: I want them exposed to controlled failure.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, hey, I'd much rather you lose that game on the court than you experience failure when you're you're at a party at the age of 16 and you got a you made a wrong choice.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'd rather you experience failure, an environment that's controlled, that's coachable, and that there's people around you who love and care for you.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_01: And then lastly, I want my kids to be involved in sports so they have opportunities to love others like Jesus.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, whether you're on the bench or you're on the field, man, great opportunities.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, maybe better opportunities when you're on the bench here.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_01: And that's okay with me.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_01: I can live with that.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: My son, he's doing baseball this past spring.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: So fun.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of games, though.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_01: He was getting a little more for me.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm an indoor guy.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: I like AC.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, first game, and you know, he's he's seven.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_01: So everybody should be batting.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: And he gets missed first time through the lineup.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_01: And not a big deal.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_01: Coach after the game comes to my wife and I, super apologetic to us.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I tell him, I'm not he's a volunteer.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I know the, I know the heart of that.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, man, like you just probably worked 12 hours today.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's okay.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: And second, I told the guy I'm like, hey, it's okay.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like he's seven, he'll live.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what he's gonna go up and he'll go again.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what he got to do.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's not like he didn't bat that day at all, but it's like, hey, just opportunities to be around people, exposed to stress and opportunities for control failure.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_01: And that's exactly what I heard there.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, hey, yeah, we run that risk, I think, when we protect our athletes too much.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: And there's boundaries to that, right?
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_01: And so, um, okay, so parent is, as we kind of conclude, you know, our time here in this episode together, Jeff, as parents, you know, they're looking at whatever program, you know, whether that's, you know, tiny tights basketball, JBU, softball, whatever it may be.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, what would be some indicators that a coach creates a safe environment for success and failure?
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have any markers that you could tell people, hey, you know, if you're seeing this a lot, that means that the coach is creating a great culture and environment for your kid.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, one thing that that we always did is um every recruit had to come to campus because I think the abuse sold itself.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and they we made them spend time um with uh with the team away from us.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um and and I just I remember a girl we had, she was a junior on our final four team.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um and she um she was heavily recruited, been out of high school, all different levels.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: And uh she probably had the most uh school visits than anybody I've ever seen.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even know if she went to school or senior here.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: She was visiting, she had more visits.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: So when she committed to us, and we actually went up um to do the signing, um, she's from the St.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: Louis area, and I asked just to be curious to because I always was trying to improve what kind of I said, so why did you guys in the recruiting process, why'd you guys choose us over um all these other places you went?
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: And they said, you're the only school that didn't try to hide something.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: Really?
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like one we never one place we never went to see the dorms or one school, they never met us, let us meet the players, you know.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I can't remember anything, but they listed all this stuff and they just said, you were just an open book.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and and this is who we are.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and and you know, even the the Christian aspect of John Brown University and and everything, and and you let us meet professors, you let us, I mean, our recruiting is uh is uh we try to get them there for for a night and a full day the next day, and and you know, they stay with the players at night with Shazi.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: They she was able to ask players about you as a coach and about the program, about classes, and then we usually have them meet with whatever major they're interested in, having a meet with a professor, and and we eat in the cafeteria, so like see the cafeteria.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: We you know, of course they stay in the dorm, they um and and we as coaches, we try to be uh an open book.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: So I would I would be leery of schools that like are are not letting you see a certain thing or or or definitely I would be major red flag is not letting you hang around the the other team the team players um without the coach being around.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_00: That that would be a red flag to me.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um uh but um yeah, and and I just think yeah, I mean, culture is a whole nother thing we uh that I could talk about that yeah, the what's a good culture that that I think of is an athletic program.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_00: But um the and I don't know if that answers your question.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's the one thing that that comes to my mind was was what they said on their visit.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: And and so we already did it, but we always then after that make sure we did it.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, sometimes players then, which is still is a good thing, those didn't choose us, yeah, right.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: And again, the whole thing is um you you you want to choose the school.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I used to say this because it's one that you're gonna be there for four years, you want to transfer.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, transferring that stable.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_00: A whole thing, yeah, a whole different thing.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: But but um uh you know, for them, they want to make the right decision and we're trying to make the right decision.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's an investment, right?
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and so sometimes us being an open book, we maybe lost the recruitment there, but then in the long run, that was probably a good thing because we we didn't want to be dealing with it a year later, two years later, and yeah, and it's not working.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so um so yeah, so I I I just think those are the things that if I was a parent, I was taking my kid on a visit, um, yeah, uh, it would be.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then obviously, I would definitely be looking at do you like the school?
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like take basketball, sophomore, whatever do you like the school?
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because with the ups and downs of athletics, if you don't like the school you're at, it's gonna be, and so that was another thing is we're not just selling our program, but we were selling the school.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_00: And um, and so those are the things that I would um I would look at.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, for sure.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and I mean it, Jeff, you know, the nature of, hey, we're gonna be open, we're gonna be transparent, and this is who we are, this is what we're about.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_01: And if there's things you're trying to hide as a coach or administrator, you know, at some point, if you got a lick of integrity, you gotta ask why.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_01: Right, you know, and then hey, let's just course correct that.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_01: But, you know, the nature of, hey, I'm gonna be transparent.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, we're just we are, we're short in this area over here, man.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's an opportunity to show us some some ownership.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then, like you said to that recruit, it's like, hey, you know, if you don't like this, this is not gonna be a good fit for you.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I remember uh there was a kid who came on a recruiting trip.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_01: I was wearing cross country at DBU and we had 6 a.m.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_01: practice.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, later days like, you guys always practice at this time, buddy.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's Texas, it's hot.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we're always practicing at six.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, I don't really like that.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_01: He didn't wind up there.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, hey, that's fine.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_01: This is what we do here.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_01: We wake up early, we get after it, and we go to class.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_01: We eat together, we go to class, you know.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_01: You're not about that.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_01: That's okay.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like, there's no hard feelings here and uh just that nature.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, I tell the team I lead right now, it's like, hey, I'm only human.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm definitely probably gonna disappoint you at some time.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I hope that you care about me enough, that you trust that I love you enough to just tell me when I've disappointed you or I haven't met your expectation.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, that takes time.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, but I always try to encourage people in that way.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, well, hey, I appreciate your time.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for being here today.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for having me.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_01: Of course.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, everybody, uh, tuning in for episode two.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_01: Uh Jeff and I are going to get back together.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_01: We're going to be talking a little bit more about uh some expectations for parents and what they should be looking for.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, if you know any more about AAO, um, feel free to head over to our website at aoteam.org.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, camps, tournaments, leagues, uh, we'd love to see you out there.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks so much.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_01: That wraps up our episode today.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_01: If you like what you heard and you want to stay tuned, and you want to help us in our mission, we would love if you'd like, subscribe, and follow along as we're on this mission to build champions for life through the transformational power of sports.