Latest / Beyond The Beacon / 43: Love beyond words. What a Christian marriage really looks like

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43: Love beyond words. What a Christian marriage really looks like · Beyond The Beacon

• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Beyond the Beacon with Bishop Kevin Sweeney, a podcast of the Diocese of Patterson, New Jersey.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: Join us for weekly conversations about our Catholic faith and submit questions for the Bishop today.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Jay Agnis, and with me is Bishop Kevin Sweeney.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: Bishop Kevin, how are you?
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_04: Oh good, Jay.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_04: How are you?
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: Doing great.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_04: We're gonna have a different scenes uh studio every week, right?
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: Keeping the audience on their toes.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: And uh uh um how are you doing?
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: I'm doing I'm doing great.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: I uh yes, Lent started yesterday, Valentine's Day was yesterday.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um thank you.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Happy Lent to you.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks, thanks.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I think it's great you've been doing the daily masses, right, at the at the Chancery or some of them.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: For Lent, yes.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_04: Mass there yesterday and St.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_04: Joseph's Hospital in the morning, which is beautiful, and St.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_04: Mary's Parish and Passaic in the evening.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_04: Uh but talked to a few pastors today, and it's just amazing uh the response of people to Ash Wednesday and the numbers.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_04: Uh it's one year we have to try giving out mashes, giving out ashes every Sunday at Mass and see what we have just to try.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, or make it a uh Holy Day of Obligation every Sunday.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: What about that?
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe that'll get joking.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I guess it well, I guess it is, right?
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_04: It hasn't gotten out there, then everyone.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_04: No, yeah.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_04: It is a holy day.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_04: But it's Wednesday is not a holy day of obligation, but everybody.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, there you go.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: I had the college, I was at FDU helping with our campus ministry, and the college students were just like so excited to get their ashes.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's amazing.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: And Father Paul's like, you could stay for mass.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: But it was about the ashes, yeah.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_04: But uh, it also struck me that um Valentine's Day falling on Ash Wednesday or vice versa, uh, the third time in 79 years, I think 1945 and 2018.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, but that uh we're gonna talk about uh God is love, right?
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_04: And uh uh and um okay, the challenges.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_04: I said one of the masses that uh no candy and somebody else, it was at St.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_04: Joseph's actually the hospital, and it was somebody was having a birthday.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_04: You said no candy, but can we have cake?
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_04: They were celebrating our birthday.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_04: So uh, you know, uh yesterday Jesus challenging the Pharisees, um, as we I think see so beautifully in the chosen, uh as we uh new episodes out.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_04: But um all these spiritual practices, they're important, but it's not for the practice itself, right?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, we don't eat meat on on Fridays, but why, right?
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_04: And uh I find that gospel yesterday uh when others fast, but when you fast, when you pray, when you give alms, not only what you do, but how we do it and why we do it, right?
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_04: So um Ash Wednesday is just a great opportunity.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_04: Why are we there?
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_04: Because God is love, right?
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_04: And because he loves us so much he sent his son, and his son loves us so much he laid down his life for us.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_04: So to have uh Ash Wednesday on Valentine's Day, to start Lent on St.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_04: Valentine's Day, I thought beautiful, right?
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: No greater love.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_04: We can't do it every year because of how to figure out it was a challenge for couples.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_04: But but I understand I understand what what's like I can think it's great.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_02: But but still, uh we're you know, we're we're uh we're going on our Valentine's date on a different day, that's all.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: So okay, okay.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: Same for us, yeah.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: So let me let me introduce you guys before we get too too far.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: So Brian and Eniola Hansberger are a loving Catholic couple who will celebrate 15 years of marriage in April.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: Congratulations.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: Uh they work for the church here in the Diocese of Patterson in the Office of Evangelization at St.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: Paul Inside the Walls, where we are.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: Uh Brian is the executive director of the Office of Evangelization, and Annie is the director of the Office of Family Life.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you both for arranging the sitter and for joining us today.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_04: Annie is a return guest, right?
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_04: You've been out before.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_04: And first time?
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_02: I'm uh I was a host for this podcast at one time.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, he's subbed in for me.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_04: He's grateful for it.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_04: And also uh host of your own podcast, right?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_04: The Paul Street Channel with Freddie.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_04: That's right.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_04: So um check it out.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: And this is the same table where Coffee with Cup Key is also recorded.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: Well, um, should we should we pray, Bishop?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_04: Sure.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_04: And uh we'll place ourselves in God's presence in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_04: Amen.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_04: And as we begin this season of Lent, we pray we adore you, O Christ, and we praise you because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_04: And we pray for one another, for the whole church, for peace, for healing.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_04: That the practice and journey of Lent will lead us to be more united with Jesus, our God who is love and with one another.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_04: We pray especially for catechumens and candidates preparing to enter the church by receiving the Easter sacraments and for families for married couples, for a greater respect for the vocation of marriage and family life, greater respect for all life.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_04: We'll join our prayers together as one, as we pray as one family, as Jesus Himself has taught us.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_04: Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_04: Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_04: Amen.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_04: Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: Well, good.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: So Valentine's Day was this week, and National Marriage Week was the week before, and World Marriage Day was also uh recently.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: So we wanted to have an episode where we focus on marriage and and love and some of the work that happens here in the diocese to support marriage and love.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: And um, so who who better than have Brian and any on our absolutely?
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you for being here and for thank you for all your work for the diocese, you know, and uh responding to our Holy Father's call to be that synodal church.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_04: Uh it's been the case probably since the beginning, uh, certainly uh, but uh since the Vatican Council, uh the importance of our baptismal call to holiness and and and and and each one sharing their gifts in the church and and our lay leaders like yourselves who as individuals give so much in your work to the church, but that you do it as as a couple and as parents uh is is really a great blessing.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_04: And maybe a good place to begin is this past weekend there was a marriage uh retreat day.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so we had a marriage retreat.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um we called it a conference, but it was more it was more of a retreat setting.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um so we had Damon and Melanie Owens, who are actually Damon is actually from this diocese originally.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: He now lives in Pennsylvania with his family, but um he has created this uh nonprofit organization that he runs Joyfully Ever After, which is just a focus on marriage, building up strong marriages.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: So we had him come in and Melanie, and they started our day.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'll maybe I'll go through the day, what the day was like.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: So we um invited couples for mass, if they optional mass in the morning at nine, and then um at 10, we kind of got into the workshops.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: So there were four workshops that uh Damon and Melanie worked through with the couples.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_04: How many couples did you say?
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: So we had about 25 couples.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: And um it was, you know, the the main thing that Damon and Melanie emphasized in the beginning was that the couples are, you are the experts in your marriage, right?
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: So he wanted to really give them the the control and letting them know that no one else knows your marriage better than you, right?
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: So you if if there's gonna be improvement, it's gonna come from the work that you two are doing.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: So he started with um the marriage that you have, and then they went into and workshopped that the marriage you want, the marriage God wants for you, and then okay, how do we actually achieve this?
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: So they went through their four workshops, and then we set up a beautiful candlelit lunch for the couples in the oak room.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then they moved into um men's and women's groups.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: So they split up.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: We said, You've been together a lot already.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: Let's give you some time to work, workshop some different things regarding men, answering QA and then women as well, which they found really helpful.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't want to stop talking.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, it's now time for adoration.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: Come on.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then we went into adoration and confession, giving couples, you know, time to take what they've had gone through throughout the day and sit with it in prayer, um, get to confession, which was nice because Lent, you know, Ash Wednesday was right there.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: So and then um we finished with the commissioning.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: So this was a little different than what people might normally expect out of a retreat.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, it was really important to me um to make sure that the couples left with knowing that one, we appreciate their marriages, right, as a church, that we need their marriages and their witness.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so what beyond their their love, right?
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: How how do we how how do they give that love away?
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: How how do they help support engaged couples, newlyweds, right?
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: So um we had Damon who actually also works with Communio.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: I know we've talked about Communio a little bit, which is an organization that really tries to build family and marriages by giving, you know, uh parishes the skills to be able to do bring in families and and um couples and give them those life skills in marriage.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: So he kind of talked a little bit about that on um on a bigger level, and then Father Paul said some really beautiful words and we gave couples insights into how they can um help support our diocese, right?
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like we offer in the Office of Family Life marriage preparation, mentor training.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, we really left them with being fed, you know, the whole day and now saying, okay, now that you've been fed, how how can you give some of this away?
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: So it was a really beautiful day.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: The couples were really happy to be there.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of leaders in parishes came to this, which I think was awesome.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: I think they probably needed some time to reset and just be, they're always giving away.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: So it was really nice to see, you know, some of those leaders.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: And um, everyone left but this book, which we also leave with our engaged couples, which is The Seven Levels of Intimacy.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's an awesome Matthew Kelly.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_04: Well, yes, it's amazing.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's an awesome book.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: So every couple got to leave with that, and um, yeah, I thought it was pretty awesome.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't run the event, but uh but I I was there, I was here at that at that same day.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_02: We were running two other events.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_02: So I was involved with those.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_04: So you weren't participating as a couple of years.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_02: Oh no, unfortunately not.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_02: We were both running different events here at the same time.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_02: But uh but I did stop by to just check things out and how they were going, and it was just a really positive vibe.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_02: People were very happy to be there and they had a good time.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: So will there be another next year?
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: I I mean, if they have anything to do with it, yes.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_02: If Bishop has anything to do with it.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, for sure.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Bishop, you know, Bishop, it was Bishop's idea.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: He said, you know, I would like to, you know, do this, and I said, then we're doing it.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: Nice.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: And um the registration was a little slow at first, and Bishop's like, don't worry, just keep just keep plugging that.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: They'll come, and they did.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's great to hear 25 couples.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's uh really good.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: My wife and I were we're we're close to coming, but hopefully next year if you do next year.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_04: So uh 15 years and how many years married?
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: Uh two.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_04: Uh uh maybe uh how things have changed as a married couple in New Jersey in from 2009 to 2024 as parents as well, but maybe especially uh um how our society um supports or doesn't really support uh uh living marriage as a vocation and uh uh what your experience has been as a couple from maybe the start to where you are now, maybe in your own relationship, but also what you see and working with others.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_04: Uh uh, I think it's from what I hear, it's not the easiest time to be married, right?
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_02: I think for us it's kind of easy.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_02: But but I think that we're we're probably an exception.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_02: This is a picture of our wedding.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_02: Beautiful.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_02: What church?
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_02: In 2009.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_02: That's Sacred Heart in Newark.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_02: The cathedral.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_02: Oh wow.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_02: And uh Nigerians, any any family is Nigerian, they don't believe in invitations.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's not true.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: For weddings.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: To a certain extent.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: So it was a very big wedding.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's what you're trying to get at, right?
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_02: We don't know how many people came, but they filled the central nave.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_02: Uh and uh uh we never will know how many people came.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: We so we had about 400 at the reception.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so Nigerians, it's like the community of the village, right?
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: My parents got married in a stadium in Nigeria.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_02: But that the reason why I say that is because that's my point.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_02: I think that we live in a very different kind of marriage than most people.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_02: We live in a in a it's an extended family type of household.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_02: So we have a lot of support.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_02: We have babysitters right now.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_02: Watching our kids as we're doing this.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_02: We have a different set of baby b babysitters tonight.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_02: So we're very well supported, and and it's really a village and a communal type of environment that we're living in.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: So and there's probably less of that now.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_04: So it's yeah, even I was gonna say we that may not be the experience of most in the United States, right?
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_04: But even less so now than 15 years ago here in the United States, right?
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I think of growing up on a block where in Queens where you everybody's mother was you could yell at their kids if they weren't doing the right thing.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_04: Uh and and and the parents would leave their kids with the neighbor without even thinking twice, and uh because the neighbors were close and and available and often had kids of the same age.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_02: I guess a lot of our younger couples these days uh don't necessarily have to it's it's an isolated nuclear family situation, and sometimes they're not even receiving help from the grandparents.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_02: So we got like two parents working all day, then they come home and they have like two hours with the kids before they have to do get up and do it all over again.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_02: So for a lot of families, it's a it's a hard life right now.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_04: And and so as the church, we make our best efforts, right?
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_04: To uh as, and maybe we don't say it enough.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_04: Uh my time as vocation director, I've shared uh thank God for holy single people that are living the beautiful vocation of the single life.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_04: Uh and marriage, a vocation as itself.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_04: Um uh and we think of those couples who have been blessed with children, those couples uh that that that have not had had children of their own, uh biological or even uh, but um uh that that marriage is a vocation uh that makes God present in the world, right?
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_04: God is love.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_04: And uh I shared in a little quote that I was at for our post that uh you know, those words of Jesus at the Last Supper, there's no greater love than this than to lay down your life for your friend.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_04: I found as a parish priest working with married couples and getting to know uh married couples living the vocation of marriage, how literally uh you know they fulfill or not call to fulfill those words.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_04: I put myself second and the beloved first, right?
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_04: Uh great in theory.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_04: But uh but so um and yes, we pray for an increase in vocations to priesthood and consecrated religious life, but but do we say enough that marriage is a way of living one's baptismal call to holiness?
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_04: We we probably don't.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_04: Uh and uh and we need to do that, right, to to support and encourage couples to to realize or or appreciate that it's it's a response to God's call, right?
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_04: Uh absolutely.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I I I love your motto, your episcopal motto.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_02: Like uh there's no greater love, right?
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_02: Right, right.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_02: So that type of love, there there's so many different definitions of love these days.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_02: Like people say, I love pizza.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_02: Uh you know, love is is this throwaway word with very little meaning, but in the Christian, in the Catholic sense, love is that self-sacrificial type of love, as as the quote says.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_02: So desiring the good of the other more than yourself, and the other doing that is such a healthy relationship to be in.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_02: And that type of relationship where you have the same goal, same principles, those relationships grow over time.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_02: So most people, I think, become less fun or more fun over time.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_02: So we have we have become, I think, more in love, uh, more connected as our marriage has progressed with these principles.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_04: And and the focus on selfless before selfish, right?
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_04: And so much in our culture and society that says me, me, me, me, me.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_04: And that's the opposite of the love that Jesus teaches us, right?
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_04: It's gotta be the other first.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: And even uh, you know, a desire to protect oneself, right, doesn't allow the person to fully give of themselves.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, we always say that it's not 50-50, right?
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's 100%, right?
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: Each yeah, I'm making sure that Brian is, you know, I'm giving 100% and I don't need to protect myself, right?
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know he's doing the same for me.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: And we're able to um there's just this um this knowing that I know that he is giving me everything that he has, and vice versa.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so there's no need to protect myself or feel like, oh my gosh, I've I've woken up 10 days in a row at 5 a.m.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually been Brian who's been doing that, you know.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: And how about my needs?
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know, one thing that we always do is making sure, like, are your needs being met?
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, are you are you okay?
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: Do you, you know, what can I do, right?
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: What can I do that to make you happy?
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: What can I do to lighten your load?
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: Those are the types of and conversations that we're having, those are the the the types of um and how sometimes how intentional those decisions need to be, right?
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, absolutely.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_02: Well, they usually hurt like like uh when you don't want to wake up, right, and you're waking up at four something with so you woke up at 4 30 with Ambrose today.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, uh, and allowed me to sleep for another two two hours.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_02: So thanks.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_02: So three children?
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: Three boys, three girls.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: They're pretty young, so look at that.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: Great time.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, the our oldest is five and a half, and as you mentioned earlier, Jay, we've been married for almost 15 years.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, we have both experiences of being a married couple and struggling with fertility, not being able to have children.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: So it just being us, and then you know, this next chapter with being a married couple with kids, and you know, both are so beautiful.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: In hindsight, I can say how beautiful our life was before children.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and now I can say how exhausted I am with children, but like it's a whole new like level of offering.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_04: One example, one example would be watching the Super Bowl, right?
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_04: We were gonna mention that, but uh you were talking about a divided house, is that right?
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, for sure.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_02: The the two marriages that we've had, you know, we had the pre-children marriage, which was 10 years.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_02: Then we had in the last five or six years, we we've had marriage as as parents.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_02: It's proof that a vocation is not a lifestyle.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's uh to me, you can correct me on this, but to me, vocation is is is uh pouring yourself out to a person.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_02: It's like choosing a person.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_04: Response to a call.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_02: It would be Jesus, yeah, uh or or a particular I I never felt called to marriage personally.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_02: I felt called to marriage with any.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_02: In fact, before I met any, I was leaning towards priesthood.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: So Yeah, he actually told me share it with the world.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: So we're we're we're you know, just starting to, you know, date a little bit, and it's probably like April or April, late April, and he says, Um, so I need to know if you're gonna be my girlfriend because I have to get back to our chaplain to see if I'm gonna enter the Emmaus house.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because he was considering entering the discernment house.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: Discermin, discernment, right?
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_04: That's an important word.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna need to know.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, what kind of a timeline is this?
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, but you were in charge.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you the choice.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_04: And Jay, yourself living the past uh two years.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_04: Your wife's first name again?
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_04: Annette.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_04: Annette.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_04: Annie.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_04: And um living marriage as a vocation in the culture.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_04: Do you see challenges?
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_04: Uh do you see support from the church?
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_04: Uh w w what are some of the things maybe the church could do better or more of to be supportive of uh we're so we're both remarried, um uh divorced and remarried, annulled and remarried properly in the church.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: So it's been an interesting journey for us where I feel like I finally found the one, the right one.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it took a little while.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm in my mid-40s, so um, but I'm uh overjoyed that my wife, I I got uh I'm the luckiest man in the world.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um the fact that she uh you know she she pushes me to be better, and and I I feel like I don't need to really push her to be better.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: She's she's gotta figure it out.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm the one but no, it's been it's been a blessing.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: She uh comes, works, worked in uh parish for many years.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_01: Now she works with the diocese of uh Archdiocese of Newark.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: But um yeah, like I said, we were thinking about going to the uh to that conference.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um we do try to uh we've been working on like I think Sundays, like you know what, we want to take some time every Sunday.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: We have this like marriage book we're working through and and uh maybe pray together or just spend some time and we um we do evening prayer together and then we go to mass together.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_01: So um but it it's it's different, I think, when you're older and you get remarried.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you kind of get set in your ways a little bit and and it's um you're living I mean there was a time where I never thought I'd be remarried, and I think she felt the same way.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um Yeah, it's it's been great.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: I mean it's it's tough at times, but it's it's beautiful too.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_04: It's uh and you know the annulment process uh um I had some experiences uh especially in a little parish where I was pastor, uh working through cup with uh individuals and sometimes couples uh in in that process.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_04: And it's probably one of the a number of things that we have in the church that's part of the church, and when you know it and experience it can be really a healing experience, and uh it it takes some time to and patience to uh learn the uh reasons why and and how it works, and but um we should uh probably do more uh sharing of information and uh we'll uh make some maybe resources available.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_04: Uh I know any your work is more uh in terms of those preparing for marriage, right?
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: And supporting married couples and those living the vocation, but um Yeah, we also do have a um once or twice a year uh a um a workshop for not a workshop, uh QA for people to come and ask questions about the annulment process.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_00: So Father Mark Mancini does a great job always there.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_04: Father Mark Mancini, who's the head of our marriage tribunal, uh and many in in the diocese who who work in in um in that um process, uh uh uh it it can be such a great blessing.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so yeah, and Father Mark was actually um a part of both of my wife and I's annulment.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: And we we both talk about how he was amazing to work with and and just a wonderful priest and great perspective.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_01: And and uh it's it's you know, it's a difficult situation.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_01: You go in with some fear and and questions, and but he took us through it, and it, you know, and but I I love the emphasis, um Annie, on on the office of family life on kind of the post-marriage stuff.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's doing, right?
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, keep keep that up.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_01: You're doing you're doing great with that.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's it's really important, you know.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: Brian and I, soon into our marriage, we got married, we were I was 22, 23, when I was 25.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_00: So we were young, and you know, in the beginning, you're like, we're never gonna fight.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you don't fight, and then you realize, like, what are you talking about?
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, um, and so you do have those those challenges, those disagreements that you really have a hard time navigating yourselves because you're coming in with your own agenda or wounds or whatever it is.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: So um, we actually sought out a couple that we both respected and um their marriage, and so we asked them to be mentor couples for us.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: So anytime we just needed someone to throw a scenario to or a situation we were going through, they were always awesome.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that really, really helped us a lot be able to, you know, break down a lot of walls.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, that's why I I really wanted to start.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: And put Pope Francis is all about accompaniment.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's Pope Francis accompaniment is part of his needs, walking the journey together, walking the journey together, encounter, right?
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, designing, yes.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_04: So accompaniment, that's right.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, we we I really find that um an important part of the ministry.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: So we're trying to really build that up.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: So every time I'm on this podcast, I'm gonna mention it.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, please.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: We need solid couples, you know, even if you don't feel like you you you your marriage has something to offer.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's not true.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I I really believe that, you know, we're not looking for perfection, right?
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_04: And it's wonderful when that happens uh through the experience of parish, right?
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_04: So often it's um uh an a couple that's been living marriage for many years, part of a parish, and they are able to connect with a a younger couple or more recently married couple.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_04: Uh um, that I mean, that's so much of how the parish is called to be that family, right?
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_04: A family of families.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I uh one of our prayers for parishes in our diocese is that they become centers of deep relationships.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_02: So, so that it's not just this place where you're going into mass and you're receiving communion and you're leaving before the final blessing, and there's just no community, right?
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_02: The hope is that uh you're you're really befriending people there and seeing them even outside of church.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_02: And this mentorship program is an opportunity for new couples to really integrate into relationships in the parishes.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_04: So if there's a couple out there both either who says maybe we could help out um in sharing and might be interested in being mentors, or a couple that's saying we need some some help uh where's the contact is through the the the website.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: So you visit the Office of Family Life, and what is really nice is that um my partner in the Office of Family Life, Jill Cherry, who is amazing, we we decided to um make the the training process a retreat for the marriage couple so they can also experience uh a retreat, but also learning how to you know be a mentor as well.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a really beautiful opportunity to um grow in in intimacy and but also to um mentor another couple.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_04: I may have shared before when you were on any, but uh that uh I can still remember um the first couple that inquired about doing pre-Kana online.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_04: And I thought that what are you talking about?
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_04: You have to be together.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_04: Um but obviously, and you've shared about the experience of the pandemic, and and there's yeah, obviously the couple needs to be together, but um there are resources available and there are things that can be done online, right?
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_04: That um that can be uh beneficial.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we we actually do a hybrid model now that we have found that really works, and the couples are very receptive to.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: So they they do some online work together.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then they do come in for in-person retreat experience as well.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um we do have some couples who are like, dude, does my fiance have to be on?
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, yeah, they they have to be there too.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: So um takes two.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_04: Um the uh the there's challenges and and and again with the pressures in society with um young adults that are um uh and uh uh we've maybe mentioned it before, but I think it's worth mentioning again.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_04: We have a young adult community here at St.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_04: Paul's, and that community has led to a few marriages, right?
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_02: Uh uh so many that there's gonna be a beacon article coming out about it uh in the next couple of weeks, I think.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_02: But uh we we we're trying to so this is isn't even our goal.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_02: We we are trying to bring people to Jesus here, right?
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_02: But as young adults are seeking Jesus, they are finding their lifelong spouse.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_02: So we don't know how many marriages, but maybe 50 50 couples have met here and then gotten married and have have had kids.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of them go to local parishes, they send their kids to our Catholic schools.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_02: So the the way that we've been doing things here with young adult ministry has seemed, I think, slow.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's very been very personal, very individual, relationship-based, but now it's starting to compound.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_02: Like the fruits are compounding.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's amazing.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_01: Is that how you guys met?
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_02: No, that's so funny.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_02: Uh we met long before Call of the Cells.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we met in college.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_00: I was a freshman, Brian was a junior, he was a volleyball player, I was a basketball player.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: So Brian likes to say that we met in the training room.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_00: Let me say it my okay.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_02: So so you know how uh uh Isaac and Rebecca met at a well, and Jacob and and Rachel and Moses and Zipporah, and even Jesus met the Samaritan woman at the well.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_02: So Annie and I met at a hot tub in Ruckers.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_02: And that's kind of like the well.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_02: I thought you were gonna say, well, what if I move?
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_02: But it wasn't, it's not as sexy as it sounds.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_02: It was it was the the training hot tub.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_02: We were getting ready for cool.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_00: I was in the cold tub and he was in the hot tub.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_00: We were in separate stuff.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I was I was warming up.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_02: You were cooling down.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, we met in college.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_00: So we um and I was also a non-denominational Christian, also.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_00: So it was through our relationship, freshman year, you know, Brian introduced me to Bible studies that were happening on campus.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, theology of the body would played a big part in Brian's uh reversion and my conversion.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_00: So, um, and John Paul II, I mean, we can't mention this without mentioning him.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_00: That you know, this podcast without um this episode, I should say.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um so it was through theology of the body and um that we came to fall in to know understand what love means.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_04: Say a little bit more about theology of the body.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_04: I think there's uh Annie and I were speaking recently about whether it's uh for whatever reason not as maybe well known even as it was five years ago.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe it is, I'm not sure, but uh I know that it's a gift that St.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_04: Pope John Paul II gave to the church and gave to so married married couples, and I believe uh, you know, young adults uh uh in in their own discernment and uh and and the beauty of the truth of uh of of the faith which is so often misunderstood by the world, which he communicated, right?
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_04: Seeing God's plan and and the beauty of creation and and and made in God's image male and female.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_04: And I but I know it's part of the ministry here uh at the Center of Evangelization and and and marriage and and um and and family life.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_04: Uh so a little maybe a few words about the theology of the body.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_02: I could say my piece and you could say yours, but I I think that the Catholic Church has gotten a lot a bad rap on marriage and sexuality, and a lot of people have interpreted what the church has to say as constricting, like restraining.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_04: No, no, no.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_02: Limiting of freedom, limiting of pleasure.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_02: But theology of the body is a way of understanding marriage and sexuality in a way that is quite liberating.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_02: So to me, it's the source of our very happy like we really are in love, right?
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_02: We really do love each other, we really are happy, and we owe it to following the church's teachings on marriage and sexuality like entirely.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_02: So we're not saying, oh, we're gonna give ourselves a break in this category, right?
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_02: We're we're all in and we're better for it.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_02: So it's not always easy, it does require the self-sacrificial type of mare of love, right?
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_02: But that brings more joy.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_02: So we're we're not gonna get in today the like all the the details of what the church has to say, but theology of the body is a way to integrate your Catholic faith, uh, scripture, and the way that you live your life uh fully.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_00: And it's you know, the foundation of our marriage preparation program.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_00: So every engaged couple that comes through the diocese looking to get married gets this foundational understanding, which we know is the the foundation for their relationship.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_00: So this is the first time that a lot of them are hearing it, right?
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_00: In their late 20s, early 30s, whenever they're coming to us.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_02: So Which is honestly too late.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_00: It it it it's it's it's it's not too late, but it's later than we obviously want them.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_00: We want them living their their whole lives with this information, right?
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_00: Knowing that they are loved.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_00: What is love, right?
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_00: This also trickles into their friendships and their familial relationships.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_00: So um, you know, one thing that we I think in April we'll even be giving a TOB talk to our young adult community here.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_02: April 10th.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_02: And anyone between anyone in their 20s and 30s are are welcome.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so one thing we're trying to do, uh my office is trying to do is how do we start incorporating the theology of the body at younger ages, right?
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_00: So our young children who are so confused about like what is love, what am I loved, and you know, can start to at a at a level that they can understand, start to grasp these these concepts that will change their whole world.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_02: One of the one of the greatest components of of theology of the body is natural family planning, which Annie focuses a lot of her efforts on.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_02: And uh it's the reason why we have children.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_02: So most people, when they have fertility issues, they go to very expensive and morally questionable like IVF.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_02: But we used uh the natural natural family planning to discover the the per the reason for infertility, and as soon as we were able to identify it, not well now we have three kids in five years.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_02: Wow God is love, right?
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_04: And love and love and and there's mystery and uh uh and and that gift of faith if we have the patience and the humility and the selflessness to say, okay, Lord, what are you asking?
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_04: How this this doesn't make sense to me, right?
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_04: But okay, Lord, I believe you have a plan somehow, right?
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_04: That's right.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_04: Um and uh um again, not uh very marketable in our culture, but well, there's there's nothing to sell, right?
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_02: NFP is free, right?
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_04: You can't sell it, you can't package it.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_04: Some of those ideas though that you gotta take time, it's not a quick fix, you know.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_04: Uh right, right.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_00: We got to a place, it was um just about to start filling out work for um adoption.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_00: No, not adoption, um, fostering.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_00: Sure, sure.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_00: We were like fill in the process of filling out, like, all right, let's let's do this.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when we found out we were pregnant.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it was it's we we recognized that our and this is something I really want.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_00: I hope couples who are struggling or who have not been able to have children um understand that like their marriage is so rich and still so fruitful.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_00: Brian and I had to find ways because we weren't physically being able to be fruitful.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_00: How are we gonna be fruitful in other ways?
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_00: So we did a lot of missionary trips and just showering people whoever needed support, we were able to help them.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_00: And even our jobs now, right?
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_00: We were able to start working for the church because we had more time to give, more energy to to to to give.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_00: So our our ministry um also was our our fruit in a lot of ways.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, just to encourage couples who have struggled, who are struggling, that you're not your relationship, God has a plan.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_00: God has a plan, right?
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_00: And you're you're a part of the the restoration, right?
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_04: You know, and and by those, by being the two being joined as one, in especially in the sacrament, uh uh God is more present in the world, right?
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_04: It's uh uh um three sacraments quickly of initiation, right?
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_04: Baptism, uh uh communion, confirmation, the Easter sacraments, uh, two sacraments of healing, um uh anointing of the sick and welcome home to healing, right?
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_04: Uh reconciliation, Mondays, confession, seven to eight thirty in every parish starting this coming Monday, even though it's president's day.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_04: Uh three sacraments of initiation, two sacraments of healing, and two sacraments of mission.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, ordination, diaconate, priesthood or a bishop.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_04: Uh but marriage is a sacrament of mission, right?
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_04: Because you the married couple makes God present in the world by their love for each other, right?
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_04: So uh and that mission can take on different forms.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_04: And uh if if it's children, that's a full-time mission.
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_04: But uh if if it's not child your own that as a married couple, right?
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_04: How are you right?
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, uh just the the the creative element could take on so many so many uh forms.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, I I always ask myself uh as a kid, like why would God create if he's this happy Trinity community, what's the point of doing anything other than just being happy?
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_02: But it it's just this desire to share.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_02: So true love has this uh natural requirement to bear fruit, share, generate, create.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_01: Beautiful, yeah.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_01: Well, um, I wanted to ask you guys, uh, put you on the spot.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_01: Any one of you, all three of you, um if someone came up to you and said, How can I be a better husband?
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_01: How can I be a better wife?
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_01: First thing that comes to your mind.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_02: I was wrong.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I I think that the worst uh people to be married to are the people who can't admit they're wrong.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_02: Like like uh this idea of of admitting fault and reconciling to me, like because you will make make mistakes, right?
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_02: So being able to admit that you're wrong, I think is like an easy, pithy answer to that question.
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_01: Good.
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_01: All right, we'll leave it there then, I think.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_04: That was good.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_04: We don't want to hear any.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_04: All right.
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_04: Sorry.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, you were wrong.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_03: That's not hard.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_00: No, no.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's um no, that that is beautiful.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_00: And um, yeah, I I I I think I would have to agree.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_00: It really our our happiness stems from a humility, I think, from the both of us.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_00: And we don't take ourselves too seriously, and we're we're able to say, sorry, I was wrong, and forgive each other, like genuinely forgive each other, right?
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's not brought up like the next day, or it's not like something that's staying in our mind, you know, like when we say be forgiving each other, we're done, and then we move on.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_00: So it's working through it personally as well, yeah, and also recognizing that um it's probably less of the other person and more of you.
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe like, you know, I've I've come to realize that, oh, you know, my frustration isn't ri really with Brian.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's not really caused by like maybe there's a disconnect.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_00: And so I always say, okay, I I need to reorient towards God.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's kind of the practice I've I've learned really early and have used throughout our marriage.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like, don't be so quick to point fingers this way.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like, let me figure this out.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_00: Is it me?
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_00: God, let me know.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_00: And then, you know.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_02: When Adam is asked by God, why would you do this?
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_02: What does Adam say?
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_02: He says, uh, the woman you gave me.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_03: So he's blaming the bigger.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_03: She made me do it.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_03: She made me do it.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_03: He's blaming God.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_02: He says, You gave me the big and he and he he's bl blaming his wife, like instead of saying like I was wrong.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_04: Accountability, right?
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, right, right.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_04: You said first thing that came to my mind, and I said, Oh, I got it.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_04: So I was glad that they responded question.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_04: Uh one of the first things that came to my mind was and thinking of knowing couples in a parish and um whether I was wondering practical, but um can we say a prayer together, you know, and and and any um you're mentioning humility that um if I'm gonna put a focus on a spouse, right?
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_04: Um putting myself second, how are you?
• 45:42
  SPEAKER_04: Are you okay?
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_04: Um and uh so um you know my first thought that came to my mind was asking the Lord's help, knowing that maybe that if things aren't great between the couple, maybe saying, Can we say a prayer together might not be the easiest might not go over too vague at the moment, but uh but um but asking God's help, right?
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_04: And uh and and and finding ways to ask that together and and and listen to what uh the Lord is um wanting to share with us, right?
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_04: Uh thank you.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_04: Well good, yeah.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks so much.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for having me.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, what a wonderful episode.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_01: Bishop, gonna give you the last word.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_04: A couple of quick things that wanted to say at the beginning.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_04: Uh we were talking about Father Mike Schmitz and uh I how much I enjoyed the Bible in a year, and I just heard him uh giving a talk at a seminary.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_04: Uh I'm gonna post it afterwards.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_04: Uh uh at one point he quotes some spiritual writer who said something about um taking time for prayer and um you know parents maybe who are busy.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_04: Um you know, you don't have to take an hour in in prayer.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_04: And maybe um and he quotes the guy who said, Well, if you want to be a mediocre mom or dad, uh you can just you don't have to take so much time in prayer.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_04: But if you want to be the best mom and dad, yes, you need to take time in prayer.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_04: And Father Mike Schmidt said, he said that I didn't say it.
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_04: But uh uh he's just I think such a gift.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_04: And uh his the talk is about telling the story basically of uh God's love and uh but it's it's lengthy, but uh uh uh and you could take it in parts, but uh 40 minute him speaking and talking about new media as well and sh using it for the gospel, and but then 40 minutes of questions and answers, some seminarians and some huge temple filled with uh um and uh so just uh I'm gonna post it afterwards and yeah uh Cecile uh who works with Jay and our um um uh social media uh uh did a uh invited um if you haven't seen it, the married couples, right?
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_04: There's about beautiful.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_04: How many we Cecile asked for married couples pictures?
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_01: She got a ton, like 30, I think she said she got.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, she's been putting them on Instagram and Facebook.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, yeah, yeah.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_04: Um and then uh as we begin the season of Lent, uh wonderful moment, the first Sunday of I think you guys are gonna be busy on Saturday, right?
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_04: Uh um the uh several hundred signups, yeah.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_04: So Lent uh in its origins is that final time of preparation for those who are gonna be baptized and receive communion and confirmation.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_04: And it's still so much and should be so much a part of, especially as parish communities, uh, that we're praying for those who are preparing in their final stages of preparation uh to enter the church.
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_04: And on the first Sunday of uh Advent, first Sunday of Lent, they come uh to the cathedral and are presented to the bishop in the rite of election and are officially accept received as as candidates, uh, catechumens and candidates.
• 48:48
  SPEAKER_04: And so we'll we'll have that uh at the cathedral this Sunday afternoon and very much looking to forward to that.
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_04: Uh and a little plug for Catholic charities, God bless our Catholic Charities, Murray House, the dinner, uh DPD, uh the wonderful houses that we have for uh development challenged adults, and uh and one of the original ones was the Murray House, and uh they have an annual fundraiser, and that'll be later in the evening on Sunday.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_01: Great.
• 49:14
  SPEAKER_01: Good, lots going on.
• 49:16
  SPEAKER_01: All right, thank you, thank you all.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and thank thank you for spending time with us.
• 49:22
  SPEAKER_01: Get to know us a little better by following Beyond the Beacon on Facebook or Instagram.
• 49:26
  SPEAKER_01: I hope you'll join us for the next episode.
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_01: And don't forget to subscribe, comment, and leave us a positive rating.
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_01: If you're watching on Bishop Kevin Sweeney's YouTube channel, be sure to like, subscribe, and ring the bell for notifications.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_01: Email questions and podcast topic ideas for the bishop.
• 49:43
  SPEAKER_01: Please, please, please to beond at pattersondioces.org.
• 49:48
  SPEAKER_01: And thanks again for joining us.
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks, everybody.
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_01: God bless you.
• 49:51
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Brian and Annie.
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks very much.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Jay.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you, Bishop.
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_04: Have a great land.
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_04: Thanks, Joe.
• 49:57
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you, Joe.