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Transcript

What Are You In For? · The Tom & Gerry Show Podcast

• 0:00
  Mmmmm yeah, how are you keeping, Tom? How are you keeping God?
• 0:15
  Are you very good? Very very very good, very excited to be
• 0:18
  back doing tongue and groove. Tongue and groove makes us sound like we could
• 0:22
  be in a beat that doesn't it Tongue and I know we kind of talked
• 0:25
  about it before and it was a bit sounds a bit dirty to people that
• 0:27
  aren't and aren't in the know, But we're talking about the timber product to
• 0:30
  the timber styling, two bits of timber, the tongue and groove. We
• 0:34
  definitely have a DJ. You've got your headphone. I was just going to
• 0:38
  say, Tom, Tongue and groove would be a great name for like a
• 0:41
  lad that sings on account where a keyboard that fucking plays in a pub?
• 0:45
  Yeah? Yeah, next, tongue on groove. I think we've Yeah,
• 0:49
  that's actually what it sounds like more if we rocked in. But do you
• 0:53
  know, ironically, if we learned slightly how to DJ, we could find
• 0:57
  ourselves if we had enough nick in a beat to do you know what I
• 1:00
  mean? Tongue and groove a ministry of sound because people people wouldn't get it.
• 1:06
  Yes, the odd lad would have checked short down the back of go
• 1:08
  to fuck. I've seen them up at the fucking Shamrock the last night,
• 1:12
  fucking murder and hellcatchum's fuck. That's the point to rescue. Which of us
• 1:19
  his tongue on? Which of us groove? Tom, because I can't fucking
• 1:23
  sing, and I think I'm beyond playing piano as well. I'm I think
• 1:26
  i'm tongue. I think I'm too sing. You can think just I could
• 1:30
  hold I could hold it together for past the point to rescue. Well,
• 1:33
  I can fucking drop a needle on a record and walk off. I can
• 1:38
  press play on a drum machine, which I gotta tell you is about as
• 1:41
  much as some of these lads do in a pub. Hey listen, Hey,
• 1:44
  hey, hey, I see I've seen some of them, and there's
• 1:46
  a few of them kind of going hold on, now, go on,
• 1:49
  just because you brought gear witching your child, you're charging a fucking whack and
• 1:53
  you're absolutely mordern come down from them, Ount Gaiy Daily like I'm not gonna
• 1:59
  look. I look, hey Tom, We've we've got our Tito's entertainers,
• 2:01
  like you know, so we know what it is to go up in front
• 2:04
  from a pub full of people who may or may not be listening to you.
• 2:07
  But no matter the fucking worst gig I've ever played in my life,
• 2:09
  Tom like, I'll go for a point and they'll be a lad playing crackling
• 2:15
  Rosie on a on a guitar with nobody listening to him, and I'd be
• 2:19
  like, I fucking hate to be that lad. The only thing is,
• 2:22
  though he's not asking for their interaction there he doesn't like it, but if
• 2:31
  he could sing it with his back to him and still get paid being a
• 2:36
  stand up, you've got to stand sing it out in the fucking yard.
• 2:38
  As far as I'm concerned, we are rambling again to everybody, and welcome
• 2:44
  once again to the Tom and Jerry Show, t and g tongue and grooved.
• 2:47
  If you want to go off on an I'll fucking ramble with that one.
• 2:50
  There. I am Jerry McBride, he is Tom o'manny, and we
• 2:53
  are back for season seven of The Tom and Jerry Show. Season seven.
• 3:00
  We didn't just fade out with a disciplining thing climax at the end of season
• 3:02
  six like the Sopranos. We fucking came back. Tom. I love that,
• 3:07
  because how good would it be breaking bad or the Sopranos just came back
• 3:09
  all of a sudden, like you know what I mean, it would be.
• 3:13
  It probably wouldn't be as good, which is I'm not selling that.
• 3:16
  I'm Tom not selling us as good good here, but it is very excited.
• 3:21
  We just never go away. We're kind of like that fungal infection,
• 3:24
  whether it be is a climidia that never goes away, no, no much
• 3:28
  about it, Tom. If it's this, if one of them doesn't go
• 3:30
  away, herpes, herpes never goes away. If you catch it once,
• 3:32
  that's it. It returns every so often, and just like that, you
• 3:36
  don't know when before you know it, Tom and Jerry lyndon up at the
• 3:38
  corner your lip, I'm gonna tell you on your way out the date,
• 3:42
  I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna like spin off from that as quick
• 3:46
  as I fucking can. Tom. Right, just when you mentioned fucking stinging
• 3:52
  anniances, I could focus stung by a wasp, I could fuckus stung by
• 3:55
  a wasp, Tom, I haven't been stung by a wap. That is
• 3:59
  not statue, that's nostalgia, that's smoke. And I knew straight away.
• 4:02
  I was like, mother, I got stung by a fucking wasp on the
• 4:06
  finger, and what was It was as sore as you remember or more.
• 4:13
  It was like I gotta tell you it was. It was sore, but
• 4:16
  it was sore old fucking day. I reckon, Like when I was a
• 4:20
  younger man or a child or whatever, I was like twelve years of age
• 4:24
  last time I got stung by a wasp. I was probably stung like five
• 4:28
  or six times that day by nets, thistles, various stinging insects. So
• 4:33
  like you throw a wasps thing on top of your like shit, and now
• 4:36
  there's this, but like, my we soft hands haven't been stung by anything
• 4:41
  for decades. It's true. I got a belt of nettles not so long
• 4:45
  ago. I was telling somebody about it on another show, and it was
• 4:48
  it was a shock to the system. It was like, hold on,
• 4:53
  now you're like this, Oh where I thought you fuckers went away? Like
• 4:58
  yeah, you just faded into the backgroun out. No no, no,
• 5:01
  no, no, they've gotten fucking more vicious. I reckon because these big
• 5:04
  bastards, they were like down the back of a fucking ship that I was
• 5:09
  looking for a fucking thing for the old lad. And I'd say they were.
• 5:12
  They were like the fucking nettles mortor in that they hadn't been fucked with,
• 5:16
  they hadn't been cut. They had because you hear people say things,
• 5:19
  oh, young nettles are the worst. These nettles had fucking teeth. One
• 5:24
  of them are smoking a fag. There was at least fucking I'm pretty sure
• 5:29
  one had a knife. It was. These were the nettles that grow down
• 5:31
  the back of the ship. Nobody fucks with these lads like there were as
• 5:35
  tickets. They had trunks like these weren't steamy fuckers. They had trunks like
• 5:40
  you hit off one and you moved right, man, all down be fucking
• 5:46
  arm And I thought I only brushed off at his grant. You're nothing's happening
• 5:48
  there, and it's like it's like that. It's like getting flicked in the
• 5:51
  nuts. You know, you're like apps nothing as you as you mentioned flicking
• 5:57
  time. I got a song, but I'll tell you the whole story.
• 5:59
  I was along and then I noticed something fall out of the tree and get
• 6:02
  caught in the hair, and like when I went to brush it out,
• 6:05
  I was like, fuck, that was a wasp And I've just been stung
• 6:08
  by a wasp, but the fucking wasp was still caught in my hair.
• 6:11
  So if you're asking how my fucking life is going there, tom Be's in
• 6:14
  my hair. Tom Be's in my hair. I love I love the wasp
• 6:17
  to see it from the wasp perspective, like somebody kicks him in the nuts,
• 6:21
  the wasp nuts, like in the tree. He falls out and he's
• 6:25
  like, I'm fine, I've got wings. I won't even hit the landed
• 6:28
  on something incredibly soft. Whoa this, what the fuck is this? It's
• 6:31
  fucking not it? What the and his giant, big fucking pink paw comes
• 6:36
  at him is a tough fuck with that? Yeah, so I have devad
• 6:42
  stinger. Well I don't know if you activated or if I just like stock
• 6:45
  my hand on it, either as possible. But when when a wasps things,
• 6:49
  yea, his whole arsh comes with it like it's it's a prong.
• 6:54
  Oh I don't. I thought they could move on again, and it was
• 6:56
  only these a diet no no, with a wasp hold one, you'd have
• 7:00
  a dead wasp torso in your the little the little sort of sack of poison
• 7:08
  all lovely. It forms part of the bottom of his ars. And that's
• 7:13
  like, you know, so the stinger when you look at it on your
• 7:15
  finger, I could see that the stinger was like a thorn into me.
• 7:17
  And then it was like a little bulbs, so hold on you. It
• 7:21
  kind of looked like a mini cock and balls it gets it. I wouldn't
• 7:25
  say that now. It was more like more like a light bulb. A
• 7:29
  light bulb would have very, very shower. Do you know what's great,
• 7:31
  Jerry is that we this nonsensical, idiotic shit that we are talking back and
• 7:36
  forth to each other about. Tease up today's episode because if anybody, if
• 7:41
  you looked exactly at the title of it, will kind of give you an
• 7:43
  idea. But if you are wondering, how the fuck did I stumble into
• 7:46
  this? And yes there are seven now seven seasons, there's six more.
• 7:49
  To go back and have a fucking listen, None of it, None of
• 7:53
  the IQ points of what you've just come across right now between Tom and Jerry
• 7:58
  will in anyway. I luctuate it's right at mid to lower. You won't
• 8:03
  get much stupider, but you're sure ship won't get a whole pile smarter.
• 8:07
  No, we always we always said this was a learner. This was not
• 8:09
  a learning podcast. So you're not going to learn much about bees in your
• 8:15
  hair or wasps in your hair or so much. But I will say this
• 8:18
  much, Tom, This is you learn. You learn things in the stupid,
• 8:22
  stupidest of places. How all I knew about wasps right now when I
• 8:24
  looked down and I've seen this, we viol a poison in my in my
• 8:28
  finger. I remember back to an episode of Jackass when Johnny Knoxville was sticking
• 8:33
  around with wasps or some such and he rang the doctor to see what he
• 8:35
  was supposed to do, and they said, if you get stung, and
• 8:39
  you will get stung, don't pick it out. Flick it out. Don't
• 8:45
  pick it out. You think you go to pick it. All you're doing
• 8:48
  is you're grabbing it by the bulb and you're injecting the pison intire like a
• 8:52
  turkey baster, your turkey based, like your turkey based. Now you're going
• 8:56
  to get a bit, and that's why it's sore, because you're going to
• 8:58
  get a bit. But if you don't want to get the fold those of
• 9:00
  it, instead of like picking it out, just flick it off or scrape
• 9:03
  it off with a knife or a credit card or something like that. In
• 9:05
  the fourteen years I've known you, I think that might be the greatest thing
• 9:09
  you've ever told me. I will use I will use that for sure.
• 9:13
  The summers here and now I've got go get stung just I don't even need
• 9:16
  to now that you have put that in my university frontal lobe, wasps will
• 9:22
  hunt me down at this stage, and I'll be ready to flick and not
• 9:26
  pick. So don't pick. Very simple. I was very proud of myself.
• 9:28
  I was also very sore any rate to hold the listeners. If you're
• 9:33
  looking at the title of the show and you see season seven, episode two,
• 9:37
  that's one thing. If you look at the episode episode title, you're
• 9:39
  like, how are these focus are going to segue from bees to jail?
• 9:46
  Or we are the Segway Kings. We're the Segway Kings. We're just gonna
• 9:50
  stop talking about something and start talking about someone else. We are indeed,
• 9:54
  Season seven, episode two, Tom, We're sorry everybody that it's taken so
• 9:58
  long to get here. But by the time you hear these, we should
• 10:01
  have the whole season recorded and we'll drop it all weekly. We didn't want
• 10:03
  to miss any any gaps, so we are recording it a little earlier than
• 10:09
  you're listening to it. How was your Easter weekend? By the way,
• 10:13
  Tim, it's that fucking far back. Many eat many eggs. We have
• 10:22
  sun tens right now. How about that breggsit Tom Huh. I'm gonna be
• 10:28
  really sad with Fred dimnadies. That's all I know. It's gonna be really
• 10:31
  sad. Yeah, it's not that far back. It's not that, it's
• 10:37
  not it's not a course. Some of these are jokes, folks, But
• 10:41
  these these episodes that we we chosen to do because we changed tach in season
• 10:45
  six. I think it was maybe possible season five. There's also a bunch
• 10:48
  of bonus episodes back there too. You'll know we changed tech from just are
• 10:52
  running the mail magazine show that we're doing up until then, which had segments
• 10:56
  every week we picked a subject I sected in the most fun way from any
• 11:01
  everything from the the the the the same toot of Dolly Parton to the two
• 11:09
  part episode of a deep dive into the life of Steeplejack and step enthusiast Fred
• 11:15
  Dibna. Jerry discovered Jerry discovered moonshine throughout the world, and I discovered and
• 11:22
  I hastened to say that I taught people, but I'd said what I knew.
• 11:26
  So I don't know if that is a thing on how to build a
• 11:30
  house. Yea, So there's that. That's what we're leaning towards the same
• 11:35
  in this season. Season we'll be picking apart having the crack with a singular
• 11:39
  subject than this week's one. It's called what are you in for? What
• 11:46
  are your time? We took you to jail last season to discuss death Row
• 11:50
  Dinner when it's the great one. I still do tell I still to be
• 11:54
  telling. I don't know. I don't know why I still tell the is
• 12:00
  it was it? Is it alien? Or eighteen Alien War? Werner?
• 12:03
  That was that one. Yeah, yeah, that was hard. Listen to
• 12:07
  that, folks. That's give it away, go back, go back,
• 12:09
  And I'm not giving it away, but I still I only told the outlet
• 12:11
  about it the other day. It came up in conversation about the last meal
• 12:16
  at hor one. It just it stuck with me. It stuck with me,
• 12:18
  was like, oh fuck right, fuck it, go back and listen
• 12:24
  to that one. It's a it's a well fuck you two at the same
• 12:26
  time, alien like you know, fuck you you did a rack of murderin
• 12:31
  and all the rest of but it's stuck with me that one and this as
• 12:35
  you said, what he in for? So Jerry came up with this one.
• 12:39
  It's a great idea and something that fascinates everybody that made TV shows since
• 12:43
  the Dawn out time. How people have ended up in prison, Some people
• 12:46
  that have ended up from prison. Not everybody. Not everybody is Andy Dufrayne.
• 12:50
  Not everybody's the crafty guy gets in there and gets out of there.
• 12:54
  Not everybody is a crafty guy that's in on un lawful causes. Not everybody
• 13:00
  is a hardened criminal who desperately deserves to be in prison after our life of
• 13:05
  crime. Not everybody was shot fifteen times and the legs and dragged in after
• 13:11
  a crime spree that's spread across ten states, Tom. Sometimes people are in
• 13:16
  prison because they are stupid fuckers, which is the ones we love to hear
• 13:22
  about. Which is the ones we love to hear what the title of this
• 13:26
  episode is what are You in for? Tom? When it sprung from a
• 13:28
  conversation you and I both had, probably after we did the death Row dining
• 13:31
  episode last season, which which kind of it was like, if you're in
• 13:35
  the prison yard with all these hardened criminals, and you're in because you absolutely
• 13:41
  dumb fucked yourself somewhere along the way, either with stupid, ridiculous crime or
• 13:48
  just through your own absolute fault, and some hardened con turns rehnessses, what
• 13:52
  are you in for? And you have to turn them around and tell them
• 13:56
  one of the stories we're about to tell you here. Well, prison life
• 14:01
  is going to be very hard for you. Tom. Oh, you're gonna
• 14:03
  be You're gonna be wearing your your your pocket pulled out, you make row
• 14:07
  your hair out, and start wearing a bit of lippy, because you're going
• 14:11
  to be somebody's speech after you tell this story. Because I'm gonna say that.
• 14:16
  I thought everyone was just gonna laugh at it and pointed to Tom.
• 14:18
  But yeah, I don't have all this ship might happen as well now there,
• 14:20
  I think, Yeah, I think it gets You're not. Yeah,
• 14:26
  you're not going to eat your own yogurt for a whole year. You know,
• 14:31
  you're they're robbing your yogurt off your dinner trade. I like to say
• 14:33
  yogurt yo. It's like, how do you say it? Because there's an
• 14:39
  older I typically say yogurt? What am I saying? You're yogurt? Like
• 14:46
  you change it to why you gig e r t yogurt? It sounds like
• 14:50
  something Homer would eat. Why it's like, it's yogurt. It's absolutely,
• 14:58
  although my wife takes it down because she crime is going to kill the community
• 15:01
  time. No, my wife, my wife is we're at loggerheads altogether.
• 15:05
  She calls it yogurt, but then she is that kind of a person who
• 15:09
  says yogurt. No, it's I would love. This is where one of
• 15:13
  the few times we would ask, well we do we love interaction for people
• 15:16
  to follow us, follow Jeremy Bride, Tom Many Unusual, or follow the
• 15:20
  com A Jerry Show on We are on Twitter and we are on on Instagram.
• 15:24
  So do let us know is it yogurt or yogurt? Which do you
• 15:28
  prefer? Or do you like a good yogurt? Also, feel free to
• 15:31
  tell us about the stupid shite that you've heard of for people going to prison,
• 15:35
  whether it be Irish, whether it be Farden, wherever you're living,
• 15:39
  honestly, Tom anything, whatever you want to comment about what time is it
• 15:43
  right now with you? Yeah, there's no in the comments, literally do
• 15:46
  that's how simplistic and how much we love your attention. But anyway, I'm
• 15:50
  chomping at the bit. Jerry has purpose. We haven't shared notes this season
• 15:54
  because and it makes me very excited because I'm as much like he and I
• 15:58
  have my notes on people I want to chime in with. But really,
• 16:02
  Jerry has the bulk of these absolute fucking numpties, and I'm very excited,
• 16:07
  much like the listener. So I'm in a witty Jerry, would you please
• 16:11
  take Anna. I'm gonna take an a journey time before I started as well,
• 16:14
  I just want to say that, you know, you know, crime,
• 16:18
  it's not really laugh about, I suppose, and some criminals are kind
• 16:22
  of forced into a life of crime because of their situation and the life they
• 16:26
  were born into, and they were you know, some of no choice to
• 16:30
  get into crimes. So we're not laughing at anybody that had to be driven
• 16:34
  into a life of crime. Oh yeah, Jerry, do you honestly think
• 16:38
  you need to fluff up that fucking pillow? Well, you know, we
• 16:42
  don't have those kind of listeners, trust me, nobody has gone down.
• 16:45
  I can't believe these guys are talking about paper from disadvatas. Honestly, I
• 16:49
  was. I was. I was reading a couple of these, and I
• 16:52
  was like, fuck, say Glad, I'm sorry for you. Jerry.
• 16:56
  Should I should I laugh at this? Lad? I had to. I
• 16:59
  had to with a couple of lads that were just like, you know,
• 17:02
  you know, deep in it, Tom, if you know what I mean.
• 17:04
  I was like, you know, it's not ready to laugh at that,
• 17:06
  Lad, I suppose, But there's some name cannot be said for these
• 17:10
  lads. I gotta tell you, Oh, I want to hear about him.
• 17:12
  I want to hear about it. I gotta tell you in terms of
• 17:15
  equality and right right on this and all that kind of thing. No women
• 17:18
  on this list, Tom, No women on this list. Didn't really find
• 17:21
  any. Found I found one. I found one, and and I'll quickly
• 17:27
  just throw out and I mean, right up there, she'll fit perfectly,
• 17:32
  and she'll fit in perfect but a dickhead of the highest order. Yeah.
• 17:36
  And I gotta tell you some of the people that I have here, Tom,
• 17:38
  are just like shining, Like it was like, we'll get into it,
• 17:41
  Tom, We'll get in Yeah, Yeah, yeah, that's enough.
• 17:44
  Let's go to jail, Tom, Let's go to fucking jail in the stupidest
• 17:47
  way possible. Please. So I'm going to take you first, Tom,
• 17:51
  to Chicago, the Windy City, the windy City, the wind funny to
• 17:56
  say, it's funny to say it's a windy city, Tom, because this
• 17:59
  crime take plays in a muffler shop. Let's look at that. That's exhaust
• 18:04
  for anybody. They're loving a good exhaust. They love exhausts. In America,
• 18:08
  they have whole shops about exhausts and catalytic converters. I don't know what
• 18:12
  the fuck do we not have the same over here, because I know we've
• 18:15
  got we've quick we've quick fit and stuff like that, where they would know
• 18:18
  what do you call the like alloys and exhausts? There is, yeah,
• 18:25
  there's there's those aftermarket lads, but no, there's nothing to the standard.
• 18:29
  I saw more fucking mufflers. I reckon, there are affront for everything.
• 18:33
  How many times in your life have you ever had to change out of full
• 18:37
  fucking exhaust? And don't worry, we're not getting into the car episode.
• 18:40
  But I don't know those fucking muffler shops. I saw more of them in
• 18:42
  America than is rationally fucking possible, Like it's unless they've gone down some fair
• 18:49
  rough roads around America. That's all I say. Ironic for a nation of
• 18:52
  people that don't know how to fucking shut up. Tom to be honest with
• 18:56
  a ready, Hey, we're gonna take it to two thousand and eight,
• 19:00
  Tom, where this muffler shop is in the process of being robbed. Oh
• 19:03
  lord, Yes, indeed by a man named Ruben Zarati. Now his last
• 19:08
  name is spelled z r Ate. Now I'm pronouncing that rhymes with karate Zerati.
• 19:14
  That sounds nothing like yogurt anyways, and that sounds correct to me.
• 19:17
  Yeah, you've shook me with the yogurt, Tom A. You know,
• 19:21
  I was like, fuck me. Even Tom's living the accent. Things must
• 19:22
  be getting bad. But we wouldn't say iss a rate. Ruben's a rate.
• 19:27
  Not the toll would say Saratti, Saysarati, No driving at maserait ah
• 19:34
  any of're it? Mister Zarati, the Zarati kate himself. He goes in
• 19:41
  to rob this muffler store. I couldn't find the name of the best I've
• 19:44
  tried with my searchers here. Tom goes in to rob the stuff. Give
• 19:47
  me all the fucking cash you're having the register. They said, we don't
• 19:49
  have any cash in the register. All right, now, we've seen these
• 19:52
  fucking signs up. Okay, So if I'm going to rob a place,
• 19:55
  Tom, I'm going to case at first. Okay, Yeah, staff have
• 19:59
  no access to That's not always a bluff, Tom, It's not like we
• 20:03
  have fucking loads of access to cash. We're just going to tell people that
• 20:06
  we don't. Yeah, but no, Sometimes when they say staff there's no
• 20:10
  way access to cash, there's no access to cash right days days even two
• 20:15
  thousand and eight. People often when going into buy an exhaust, you don't
• 20:18
  get an exhaust for under two hundred and fifty quid. And that's a shit
• 20:22
  exhaust in two thousand and eight, or you know what I mean, if
• 20:25
  you're walking in with a ball two hundred and fifty, I've just seen credit
• 20:29
  cards left right in center. Maybe I reckon the people who tell the troops
• 20:32
  there's no access to the cash, and like maybe it's one of these Maybe
• 20:36
  it's one of these stores where like you know, you put it into like
• 20:38
  a you put the cash into like a big cake of surprising and it goes.
• 20:44
  I want one of them around the house, just for biscuits, I
• 20:47
  swear to God, just for several places that had that. You cash up
• 20:51
  at the end of the day and you put your money into it. And
• 20:52
  that was just the sound of heaven because once your money you win it up
• 20:56
  that that tube you're clocking out, You're clocking out. Lovely was so,
• 21:02
  where where was said cash? Was it down Norah's brah? Where was the
• 21:04
  cash if there wasn't, No, but it wasn't in front of it,
• 21:07
  But it was cash on the property, just the staff had no access to
• 21:10
  it. The only person that had had access to the cash was the manager.
• 21:15
  And everybody informed mister Zat, mister Zerratti that the manager is the only
• 21:21
  person with the key to the safe. And the manager's not here, much
• 21:25
  like Neville Bartos in the movie Chopper, No cash here, Chopp, no
• 21:30
  look around you, no cash here. So rubens Arati did what any fucking
• 21:34
  moron would do. He went out set in the car, waited for somebody.
• 21:40
  No, he gave them his phone number, Tom, He gave him
• 21:52
  his phone numb and he said, you see, when that fucking manager gets
• 21:56
  here, right, you give me a shout to you, give me a
• 21:59
  shout when he's here, all right, and that can't he'll he'll get me
• 22:07
  that cash. I'm fucking secutives here in now, lads. You here's my
• 22:11
  number. You ring me when the money arrives. And they were like,
• 22:17
  yeah, okay, you'll be the second people that we call, the first
• 22:25
  being the guards. And Reuben's alrighty, like I'm not gonna say he went
• 22:32
  home, but like he maybe like went down the shops or maybe he got
• 22:34
  another message done. You know. I love that he walked out of their
• 22:37
  going and he can't better ring me now, be minute he comes in.
• 22:42
  All right, you're not you're not lying to me yet, No, not
• 22:45
  at all, honestly, God, in fact, we absolutely one will ring.
• 22:49
  I swear to God. Pinky promised a lot. I wish that's good
• 22:52
  enough for me. And here's here's a few messages to get it. Yeah,
• 22:56
  I got Yeah, I gotta get in a couple of things. And
• 22:57
  here's the thing. It had to flash through misters Arati's head at some stage
• 23:02
  when he was leaving. Tommy probably had to think to himself, if this
• 23:06
  is going to be later in the day, when I rubbed this place,
• 23:07
  there'll probably be more money in it, oh, because they've done a couple
• 23:12
  of more hours of business. So I suppose it does work out for me
• 23:15
  that I have to come back here later on robbing place. I cannot think
• 23:18
  that he'd have that level of intelligence still, though, you're right, but
• 23:23
  I think that's even that's even the next roun on the ladder of intelligence between
• 23:30
  jeez. No, if he had that much intelligence to think about how a
• 23:33
  shop works there, he wouldn't. I don't think he'd hand over the full
• 23:37
  number he might have said. I'd be across the yard in my car,
• 23:41
  waiting for the fucker which the coun still call the cops to close the shutters.
• 23:48
  We're staying in here. It's a fucking it's a lock in. It's
• 23:51
  a it's a high not a high so a siege. It's a siege.
• 23:56
  We're all in here. I'm waiting here. Lit the fucking manager against here.
• 23:57
  He's like, no, I'm gonna go do for nine or twelve other
• 24:00
  things. Here's how dumb this lad was. Tom. They rang him to
• 24:03
  come back, and he fucking came back. He must been going back up
• 24:08
  along going those stupid cuts. He's there like God, Jesus, you know
• 24:12
  what it is. They're about to have money for me for fucking putting me
• 24:15
  to this trouble. Mister Zarati rocked back up to rob the place at his
• 24:21
  convenience, and the muffler shop was now full of cops and they shot the
• 24:26
  fuck out of him, but not so much to kill him, Tom,
• 24:27
  just enough to kind of let him know what time put a hitch to the
• 24:32
  giddy up, I get you, yeah exactly yeah, And and arrested him
• 24:36
  and charged him with felony aggravated burglary, and he went to jail. I
• 24:41
  could not find for her long, but he certainly they don't suck around in
• 24:45
  America when it comes to prison time period, like he could have gotten twenty
• 24:48
  two years for that, you know, like depending on the stage. Wow
• 24:53
  fuck hell yeah. So that's when you when you put a name to people,
• 25:00
  it makes them real, and that it beggars fucking belief that somebody's walking
• 25:04
  around in shoe leather that could have that level of fucking stupidity inside their head.
• 25:10
  You know, nobody ever said that you needed a lot of leaving start
• 25:12
  points to be a criminal, ton, Well, you don't to be a
• 25:15
  politician either, share. But you know what I mean, Wow, fuck
• 25:19
  incredible, incredible one. That's one time, and I find here's the thing,
• 25:25
  I find a fucking dozen stories just like that. People. There was
• 25:26
  a whole TV show called America's Dumb as Criminals. No, they got a
• 25:30
  bit seeing me after a while, lads running into the glass door was a
• 25:33
  bit. You know, same, you say me like, but Jesus Christ,
• 25:37
  like, yeah, I want to hear. I want to hear about
• 25:40
  the next one. Well, listen, we're going to stay in the us
• 25:42
  of it. I could have done fucking three hours just on comes from Florida,
• 25:45
  Tom, to be honest with, yeah, well yeah, yeah,
• 25:47
  yeah. In fact, we could base an entire podcast seven seasons exactly.
• 25:55
  Yeah. Well, and I hate to do the I hate to do Florida
• 25:57
  already. But this next lady is from Florida, that he's from cousins living
• 26:02
  below there they know full well, but they hitched their wagon up to this
• 26:06
  is This is twenty twelve, and he's a chap called Milton Hodges. All
• 26:07
  right, okay, and he actually successfully robbed the place. Tom, Oh,
• 26:12
  Jesus successfully robbed the place. Nobody's gonna say that he did not have
• 26:18
  the whereward all to rob place he robbed, He robbed a good And the
• 26:22
  place that you robbed was a place called Lows. Tom oh lowse Yeah yeah
• 26:26
  hardware shop. Yeah yeah, yeah, fine, fine, set up now
• 26:29
  inside there, Like Tom, I gotta tell you what, I've only ever
• 26:32
  been in America once or twice on the holidays, and I've only been in
• 26:34
  the presence of a Lows maybe once or twice in the middle of all that,
• 26:38
  and I've always gone into it, Like what the fuck am I taking
• 26:41
  home with me? Tom from a Lows. No, listen, Jerry,
• 26:45
  if you didn't go into that Lows like I was listening for a second.
• 26:49
  I so you were in the presence of one. I went JESU Christ,
• 26:52
  shouldn't let you go in? You'd like, in fairness, your missus wouldn't
• 26:56
  even dream used out like you have to your mister hardware. You have to
• 27:00
  stick your head inside the door. At the very least, I know you're
• 27:02
  not coming away with anything, Like I mean, you could pick up a
• 27:07
  box of staples or something and maybe fucking give them to a felt, but
• 27:10
  you have to go have a look. Yeah, yeah, you had you
• 27:12
  had to cheese and like, here's the thing with here's the thing with Lows,
• 27:15
  all right, Tom, Like anybody's never been in it. It's fucking
• 27:18
  massive. It's like a little town. It's the same if you're going to
• 27:22
  a Walmart or fucking absolutely massive right now. Fortunately foremost Tom, what I
• 27:26
  want to chat you about is if I was going to rub a place,
• 27:30
  if it came to it that I had to rub a place. All right,
• 27:33
  I'm rubbing somewhere small, yeah, right, Like yeah, I can
• 27:37
  go in and you can see all four corners of the shop. Last see
• 27:41
  all four corners of the shop. I know who's in it, I know
• 27:42
  who's out of it, and I know that there's the tail, and it's
• 27:45
  like twelve steps back to the door and out and gone. Okay, Lows
• 27:49
  is fucking massive. There could be a thousand people working in the Lows on
• 27:53
  any given day, like hundreds and hundreds of staff register cash register people,
• 27:59
  floor staff, security guards, little fucking out lad saying a Lodi at the
• 28:03
  front door, you know, like get cleaning out the toiler. Have you
• 28:08
  seen the size of some Americans too? Like if some of those Americans,
• 28:12
  if they took a fucking dislike to you, they've run you down like a
• 28:15
  fucking the bulls and papalomat that fucking time you're there, Holy Jesus Christ.
• 28:22
  Okay, Milton, like you picked a place to rob fair enough. Maybe
• 28:25
  it was the nearest place to you. I'm not going to fucking throw stones.
• 28:26
  I don't know why you chose this place, Okay, But what Milton
• 28:30
  came a cropper with poor plan and Tom, like anym if you rob a
• 28:37
  place, and I have never robbed the place, Tom, but if I
• 28:40
  robbed the place, i'd have I'd have been the lad like you know in
• 28:44
  the cafeteria making out escape Roots with the salt and pepper and the names and
• 28:48
  and you know, like in Connir, what's the rock represent That's a rock?
• 28:52
  You know what I mean? Like that's I've been making me models like
• 28:56
  fucking Brown of escape Roots. We've all had a busy outurday morning where you
• 29:00
  have to go to the hardware and you have to go on to the next
• 29:02
  thing. You've made a plan as to how the fuck to get onto the
• 29:04
  next fucking scenario, at the very least, not Milton. He knew he
• 29:08
  was going to rob this place and after that. His his escape plan is
• 29:12
  what got him into this list all love it. Milton h came out of
• 29:18
  those loose home improvement as its full title, and he jumped, He jumped
• 29:23
  the fence into the neighboring Cypress Cove Resort with the attention to to to run
• 29:30
  across the greens and and and fuck away off that way, like you know,
• 29:33
  don't go onto the roads. It be like, you know, if
• 29:36
  I was robbing somewhere and cart and I jumped into the new More golf course
• 29:38
  and fucked off about the place. Yeah, but there's no fear of a
• 29:41
  fucking crocodile fucking it and the legs of you and in manhun wasn't Milton's one?
• 29:45
  Wasn't Milton's downfall to him? Was it not? Because they show up
• 29:49
  on golf courses all the time? Then fucking thing? Well, alligators.
• 29:52
  I don't want to be corrected or I don't want to miss species him,
• 29:56
  but it's alligators and watch mccullor. But one if if Milton had done the
• 30:02
  slightest bit of research before was crime this teeniest bit of research, he would
• 30:07
  have noticed that Cyprus Cove is a newdest resort, beautiful right, very easy.
• 30:15
  After he jumped the wall and tried to blend into the crowd to hide
• 30:19
  from the cops that he wasn't the guy. When the fucker there yards were
• 30:30
  like we're looking for a man, and there was like this this this fucking
• 30:33
  we held play ping pong with his tool. Just turn around and go like,
• 30:36
  yeah, he's right over there. Again, did again in the T
• 30:38
  shirt and jeans. That's him. Yeah, did again in the T shirt
• 30:42
  and jeans. They're just going over by the by the fucking lawn darts.
• 30:45
  Yeah. Man, he was the only bears and wearing clothes in the whole
• 30:51
  fucking place. I loved that there was a newdest resort right next to a
• 30:55
  big fucking hardware Like any of the bean ques here, you go to the
• 30:59
  thing next door to it's either a cost of coffee, a fucking a pitch,
• 31:03
  a pit store. There's a fucking nudic I've been to some of the
• 31:08
  places that I've been to America, Like, you know, we were down
• 31:11
  in Florida, so like, yeah, I'm well traveled. No, we
• 31:14
  were down at fucking Orlando. Yeah, don't get me wrong. It is
• 31:18
  that kind of thing though, where it's like a strip mall and it's see
• 31:23
  this massive ball of twine, get a burger in shake shack, and then
• 31:29
  next door it's some sort of fucking crazy golf thing or whatever, So I
• 31:32
  can I can see it being well next door, Yeah, and there'll be
• 31:34
  a karate fucking you know dojo next to that. Yeah, with you fucking
• 31:38
  dicking balls out. But Milton, old Milton was seized and he got jail,
• 31:44
  and what did he get? What did he get for doing in the
• 31:48
  loads? Couldn't couldn't find it, couldn't find it, but it was it
• 31:52
  was armed robbery, so who can Yeah, it was double digits there.
• 31:57
  So that's twelve to fourteen years or that he had to spend in jail,
• 32:01
  wondering why he didn't just stripped down to his bare ass, bawl up the
• 32:07
  money that he's taken at lose and hold it wherever you can hold it.
• 32:10
  Milton walked normally. Well ironically he'll be he'll actually be practicing that for the
• 32:16
  next twelve to fourteen years and whatever penitentiary they put him in. Because but
• 32:22
  that story, he've been watching too much Ospale. I'll teall you that one.
• 32:25
  Not everybody gets sucking, everybody gets bummed in prison. That's not every
• 32:30
  there's one fear to stay on the straight and narrow. You know you're gonna
• 32:35
  get forcefully bummed in prison. That's just what happens. That's that's what keep
• 32:40
  kept me away from my life with crime anyway. Only for that, i'd
• 32:44
  be Robin left and right. Come on, man, I've never I've never
• 32:50
  been to prison. But like, who's to say if you ever have you
• 32:52
  been bummed in prison? Let us know when the comments? So, yeah,
• 32:57
  Tom, this is this is like, this is just neither of these
• 33:00
  were bad luck, right, Yeah, that was you know, some of
• 33:06
  these were outright stupidity. And this next one it's I don't I don't even
• 33:10
  know if you'd call it stupidity. Tom. Let's let's go through and see
• 33:14
  if okay, if if you can, if you can say, what exactly
• 33:19
  is this guy's great down for all? This guy being Levi Charles Reardon.
• 33:23
  Is he your relation to anyone here, any of the Reordon's here? M?
• 33:28
  Yeah, possibly, you know he's obviously I had a fan of jeans.
• 33:34
  Well, this is it too. He's he's he's in Montana. We
• 33:38
  like Montana, don't we, tomm. That's what we do. We do.
• 33:39
  We like yellow is that yellow Stone Yellowstone. Yeah, yeah, yea,
• 33:43
  yeah, yeah. I haven't watched Yellowstone yet, but I understand that
• 33:45
  it takes place in that kind of so it's kind of wilderness. Lucky bastard.
• 33:52
  Yeah, that's one. That's one in the back pocket. But anyway,
• 33:55
  tell us about Levi, Levi, Levi done crime, donet it just
• 34:00
  find Tom Okay, okay, he'd done the crime. He had every option
• 34:04
  not to do the time. He committed felony forgery. All right, So
• 34:09
  bad bastard. You know, bouncing checks deliberately sometimes. I mean, if
• 34:16
  you watch the leonard Ardo DiCaprio fucking story of you know where it's he's kind
• 34:24
  of the good guy. You're like, yeah, you're rubbing the banks,
• 34:27
  you're rubing whatever. But there's a suavenist too. There's a suavenist too.
• 34:30
  But something tells me this guy wasn't splitting dollar bills up the middle of a
• 34:34
  technical machine from Russia or whatever. But no, no, something tells me
• 34:37
  this was more more simple as like can I pay by check? And then
• 34:40
  like fucking off? All right, right, It might be mad to younger
• 34:45
  listeners that that was a thing, like like I remember twenty years ago,
• 34:51
  God, Jesus. Throughout my whole hardware retail career. To be honest with
• 34:53
  you, Tom, there were hard lessons learned about who you do and don't
• 34:58
  take a check from yes, yeah, yeah yeah, and a check in
• 35:00
  case you wonder what the fuck it was a promissory note, which is essentially
• 35:05
  what a note actually is. It doesn't actually have any standing value in your
• 35:08
  hand, but it's it is. It's a promised note of this is worth
• 35:12
  this much, and you could literally write your own number onto a check provided
• 35:15
  and it would be good provided there was this amount written on the check in
• 35:22
  the account. It was coming out of this like you know, this isn't
• 35:25
  revolute like oh Tom, like I will split the bell tonight, I'll reveluge
• 35:29
  forty quid in the morning and fifty quid in the morning, whatever it is
• 35:31
  this is. I would write a little piece of paper that came from the
• 35:34
  bank. I said, I, Jerry McBride, will we'll pay Tom o'mahney
• 35:39
  fifty euros, signed and dated Jerry McBride. That was it, Tom.
• 35:45
  I gave that to Tom. He took it to the bank. They gave
• 35:46
  him fifty quid from my as that if I didn't have fifty quid in my
• 35:52
  account. Tom got nothing and he could come back looking for me and where's
• 35:54
  my fifty kid? And I if I were Levi Charles Riordon will be fucking
• 35:59
  gone up the road, which fift in my pocket? Fuck you? Right.
• 36:02
  So there was a warrant out for this guy and there was a mug
• 36:07
  shot out from Okay, you know, what, can I say? Tom?
• 36:12
  He had priors as they say. So they had a mug shot farm
• 36:15
  like from a previous conviction, Okay, and they put it up on the
• 36:22
  if I'm reading it right now, they put it up on the cops Facebook
• 36:24
  page, like the cops in the area, The cops in America do that.
• 36:28
  They do that unbelievable. They don't give a fuck. They'll tell they
• 36:30
  talk all about the crime and everything. Afterwards, they go this stupid count
• 36:35
  and they'll write it on their Facebook. It's it's kind of the equivalent like
• 36:38
  they're ever going to spar and they'll have the CCTV, yeah, camera foot
• 36:45
  snap a still from that printed out on like onbolic stole or rake of fucking
• 36:50
  orchids. Yeah, and they'll sell tape in the front of the till going
• 36:52
  like you know, this man, if you see him, is a thief.
• 36:55
  Yeah, this guy, we have him on camera, like and the
• 36:59
  cops will literally you do that on the Facebook page just sort of like it's
• 37:02
  kind of like kind of like a crime what they called crime call that the
• 37:07
  guards come a crime call and they're they're yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
• 37:12
  yeah. It was a crime call or crime watch, one of those watches
• 37:14
  some such. Basically that only Facebook okay wanted in the Montana area, in
• 37:21
  the in the Cascade Falls area Levi Charles Reardon for felony charges and such like,
• 37:28
  but there were no closer to catching from Tom Okay until he liked it.
• 37:40
  Listen, listen, it can happen. You can be scrolling well you
• 37:45
  know what, you can be scrolling the problem. We've we've all that,
• 37:50
  We've all vanity searched Tom. You know, we've all stuck our name into
• 37:52
  Google and and even sometimes in Instagram. Instagrams are whore. You could be
• 37:59
  swiped through a thing. You could be just going through random reels whatever and
• 38:04
  whatever, your thumb less like MILLI second longer and you hit heart. I
• 38:07
  was like, fuck, no, I don't I didn't no, no,
• 38:09
  no, I don't want to say that didn't. Yeah, no, now
• 38:12
  it looks like a fucking creep. No, you just happened to show.
• 38:15
  But Facebook, you've got to actually go and like the fucking thing. You've
• 38:19
  got to specifically do it. There's no shortcuts and Facebook use. There certainly
• 38:22
  wasn't in twenty fifteen where you would accidentally double type of thing and it would
• 38:25
  like it. Wow. Wow. Facebook has been the downfall of a few
• 38:30
  fellows. Actually, as I looked into him, like oh Jesus, you
• 38:34
  know yeah, and and funny to say, oh, Levi, he wasn't
• 38:37
  the only person to do this. He's just the only person that get mentioned
• 38:39
  on Ireland's Slowest Releasing podcast Tom. There's fucking hundreds of lads that have liked
• 38:45
  themselves, are commented under their their their their their picture on social media,
• 38:52
  where like, you know, it's like, oh, here's the guy Robin
• 38:53
  is such and such a thing and he's like, yeah, that's me.
• 38:55
  Loads of people got it. But Levi was the guy that just struck it
• 38:58
  out for me that he would you fucking do this, especially why would you
• 39:01
  do this when he's one of these guys Tom that doesn't understand that your Facebook
• 39:05
  page is open to everybody until you say it isn't like my Facebook page when
• 39:08
  I had it at the end, literally just showed my name and whatever,
• 39:15
  pig. No no information about the school I went to, the college I
• 39:21
  went to where I worked, anything like that, fucking wife's name, my
• 39:24
  kid's names, anything like that, that was all wiped out of it.
• 39:27
  If you weren't a Facebook friend of mine, you just weren't. You just
• 39:30
  weren't finding me. Not so Levi Reardon. He had like fucking he was
• 39:32
  one of these guys that's like, you know, I had a sandwich.
• 39:35
  That subway here had a sandwich, you know. So the cops could just
• 39:39
  basically triangulate his area based on the posts that he had put up and nabbed
• 39:45
  him, picked him up within days, of course, simply because he first,
• 39:51
  whatever dumb fuck reason came along and liked his own mug shot. He
• 39:55
  searched that for sure, like he searched separation. But I'd just to fucking
• 40:00
  thought process Tom. But he sees the picture, he's like, oh shit,
• 40:02
  that's me. Yeah, Like is it tick caned Jerry? Oh wait,
• 40:07
  yeah yeah. Let's not take that away from don't don't give him the
• 40:08
  credit of saying there was a thought process there, but i'll tell you because
• 40:13
  it will slip out of my mind, and I only briefly saw a little
• 40:15
  bit of it, so I don't have the woman's name or anything like that.
• 40:17
  But she was a woman, and obviously she'd be young, maybe mid
• 40:21
  mid twenties or whatever, and she was such a fame whore that she went
• 40:28
  and robbed a Nebraska bank and she got away with it. She got away
• 40:31
  with six grand in casholay out the gap, never to be seen again.
• 40:37
  Right. No, She actually had a YouTube page, an actual YouTube page
• 40:45
  titled a video of her sitting in front of a camera with the fucking the
• 40:51
  cash, the whole lot. She's got the fucking the wedge of money beside
• 40:55
  her, and she describes in fucking detail how she did it, say yeah,
• 41:00
  yeah, yeah, balling in detail on her YouTube page, girl robber,
• 41:07
  you know, extraordinary and how much cash you got? The type of
• 41:10
  fucking car, which she actually spelt incorrectly was the Pontiac trans Am, and
• 41:15
  she wrote pt like, I don't know, she fucked up it up,
• 41:21
  but the color of it neverth and she was like, this what I got
• 41:24
  away with? Motherfuckers. Big weekend coming and yeah, yeah, not everybody's
• 41:31
  Bonnie and Clyde. Tom, all right, But Bonnie and Clyde didn't have
• 41:36
  fucking social media back in the day either. Do you know if Bonnie and
• 41:37
  Clyde wanted to release a picture to the press of themselves posing with guns on
• 41:42
  fucking cigars on the on the and the sideboards of that car, yeah,
• 41:47
  you know what I mean, they had to post that to the fucking newspapers
• 41:51
  and there'll be five states across the way by the time they you to find
• 41:54
  a fellow with the fucking curting over his head holding up the fucking the trowel
• 42:00
  or the hawk, the plasters hawk full of fucking exploding dust. Yeah,
• 42:06
  ah, fuck that one up. Sorry, go again, reload the entire
• 42:08
  fucking But this, in all fairness, that was an effort one thing to
• 42:14
  like, you go a moment of fucking stupidity, you like it, and
• 42:19
  then you can't you you're trying to unlike it, but cops could probably trick
• 42:22
  it out. This woman went and made an entire video and like our whole
• 42:25
  persona on the video was like, I'm a bad spitch, rubb and shit,
• 42:30
  you know, and Tom, these people in the prison yard. Yeah,
• 42:37
  how did you get caught while the chops the chops The cops chased me
• 42:40
  across nine states. I was hold up and I was like, you know,
• 42:45
  blah blah blah as bad ass shooter. You know, someone snitched on
• 42:50
  me. No, how did you end up in jail? Well, I've
• 42:53
  seen a picture of myself on Facebook. I fucking liked it all. I
• 42:58
  made it. Fucking I made cracking piece of content. Yeah, I mean
• 43:05
  we all do, like when our videos get a few hits, like you
• 43:07
  know what I mean. But at the same time, it's like, yeah,
• 43:09
  I got it, you know, I got it. What she likes
• 43:12
  as somebody to what she likes Tom is like, my wife's a great a
• 43:17
  great lady. In general, I gotta tie you. But in particular,
• 43:22
  if I see a thing and I'm like, would that make a funny tweet,
• 43:23
  you know, she will say she's not like my conscience or my filter
• 43:28
  or anything like that, but she'd be like, that's stupid, that's yeah,
• 43:31
  yeah, don't put that on you. But also I was thinking,
• 43:35
  like, I haven't looked for the video. I'd love to find the video
• 43:37
  and see if it's done huge numbers. If she actually had analytics, I'd
• 43:40
  say it's done huge numbers. Now, I'd say it was just like five
• 43:44
  cops seeing it back then. But you put as a result like say she
• 43:47
  made serious revenue, like she got twenty five million views or whatever, Like
• 43:52
  who is the revenue is that? You Know what I love out of that
• 43:55
  story, Tom, right, is that if there's been a bank robbery since.
• 44:04
  Right, Yeah, there's been a bank robbery since, and there's a
• 44:06
  detective assigned to the case. He's an older detective and he's got a young
• 44:09
  rookie with him and they're on the case. The first thing the old detectives
• 44:14
  say to the young fella, he's saying that, son, I want you
• 44:16
  to put a bunch of Credit Union robbery into YouTube and see event comes up
• 44:24
  for the past couple of days. The rookie is like, we'd never catch
• 44:30
  anyone like that, and the old guy's like, just do it, just
• 44:36
  do it. As he taps the cigarette. Yeah, yeah, we're not
• 44:40
  dealing with all the smartest people. Go in here, and Brian Denny,
• 44:45
  he just sitting there, just smoking. He's like, sometimes it's that simple,
• 44:50
  son, Listen, junior. While we're on the subject, Tom,
• 44:54
  while I was mentioning mug shots there names changed to protect protect the innocent here.
• 45:00
  Okay, okay, have you ever watched crime Call or seen a mug
• 45:06
  shot or seen some of these things up and you fucking knew the person?
• 45:10
  Yes? Yeah, so yeah, yeah, I saw it when we were
• 45:14
  in college. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna stay anybody's name here, but
• 45:16
  I am I do have a quick story about it. What have you got?
• 45:20
  It was it was in college and it was machinery robbed or something robbed,
• 45:25
  like industrial and they did an image up, an artistic drawn and two
• 45:31
  of us, myself and my housemate Mike. We went to school together and
• 45:37
  one of our schoolmates now housemates in college. He was upstairs and we were
• 45:42
  looking at it because we were drinking. We've we've found crime Watch hilarious,
• 45:46
  Like yeah, yeah, yeah, drunk hilarious because they were so awkward in
• 45:51
  front of the camera. They still are, and you know they it literally
• 45:54
  was like they don't believe. It was like and then there was I pay
• 45:57
  out our shows robbed down to town and you're like, oh, that's an
• 46:00
  amazing But then it cut to this and this fucker had robbed a lot from
• 46:06
  I think it was like an you know, an engineering works like and there
• 46:08
  was a lot of it was all snap on, good shit, the American
• 46:12
  brand snap On and Milwaukee it's gone and they snapshot they had or the artistic
• 46:16
  impression was very good. They put it up and I went, that looks
• 46:21
  like and he was a bit of a roughneck anyway. Yeah, Mike was
• 46:24
  like, it fucking is him, it's him. And we're both sitting there
• 46:28
  steam and gone, maybe we're wrong. We call Nile, he's upstairs.
• 46:31
  He comes running down and we're just both pointing, and he walks in and
• 46:35
  goes, that's blurd And it fucking is him, isn't it. I won't
• 46:40
  lie. We didn't do it about it because phone credit at the time was
• 46:45
  pretty brisy and we had cans of Whitesider to be fucking spend the money on.
• 46:49
  So you know, it wasn't a free It wasn't free phone. I
• 46:52
  don't think at the time it's it's it's it's it's not that far off the
• 46:55
  story. I have to tell them. I too, I was gonna say
• 46:59
  I did nothing about it. I did a WE investigation, did you I
• 47:01
  did a WE side investigation? Yeah, and I cleared the man of all
• 47:06
  wrongdoing. My god, oh my god, no, no, let me
• 47:09
  get this straight. Let me let me get this straight. Tom, the
• 47:12
  guy I thought it was didn't or couldn't have done anything as simple as that.
• 47:15
  And here's here's gold on. Did you did you clear him of all
• 47:17
  wrong doing in your fucking head? Oh no, I did, Sums.
• 47:22
  I had a paper trail. No was there a guy being accused? Here's
• 47:25
  what Okay, I'm moved up the Dublin and I had to go down to
• 47:31
  the garden station to get I believe it was like it was either get a
• 47:36
  driver's license signed for renewal or a passport one right, one of these things.
• 47:42
  And I'm doing the comedy at the time, and I'm here waiting on
• 47:45
  it, and there's a poster up on a thing, and I forget the
• 47:47
  exact crime, but it was something like assault on the streets, like you
• 47:51
  know, not even robbery, just like sault through a tomp of Tom and
• 47:54
  wanted for You said that very quickly, Jerry, assault, You said like
• 48:00
  you said, it sounded like salt. It just sounded like the man was
• 48:02
  pouring salt like he did. Think against Yeah, I know, he's yeah,
• 48:06
  he salt, and is your doing a service ice on the pads?
• 48:12
  No, it's definitely an assault. It was an assault of some sort.
• 48:15
  It was your play over the by, so so it was grievous, bodily
• 48:20
  harm. Get what the fuck was right? He smashed him, He's you
• 48:23
  know, all this kind of thing. I'm looking at the picture. I'm
• 48:27
  like, motherfucker, I know you, I fucking know you. And he
• 48:31
  was a comedian. Oh yeah, okay, the likelihood of a tough comedian
• 48:37
  anyway, but well, well number one, but this was like bang on,
• 48:39
  and I was like, you know, holy shit, like, you
• 48:42
  know, okay, get you in jail. Maybe I get a couple more
• 48:45
  spots. My first thought, all right, one less shark in the time.
• 48:53
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, but like I wasn't certain, like you
• 48:55
  know, because it's not often you see somebody from like over their shoulder three
• 49:00
  feet higher from security camera footage, right yeah, yeah, yeah, I
• 49:05
  don't know, maybe coming up the stairs the enter, but I was like,
• 49:13
  no, I could And I was like all the way home, I
• 49:15
  was like, fuck me, was that him? Like, you know,
• 49:19
  I don't know, So what I did tell I went back to the guard
• 49:22
  of station. The next day, right under false pretense. It's just with
• 49:27
  have another question. I you sure that y McBride fucking Brian Dempsey here right,
• 49:30
  just going back in with your sports checking on. Yeah, there's a
• 49:34
  couple of things I left out there last day. It's one more thing.
• 49:37
  But no, I had to go in with some real I had. I
• 49:38
  had to make a stupid content myself, you know, more so than usual.
• 49:42
  By pretending that I didn't know the signature was fine. I was like,
• 49:45
  you know, is the signature of that all right? Like you know,
• 49:47
  and they were like, yeah, it's a guard signature. The want
• 49:50
  I was like, all right, no, just checking this, check and
• 49:52
  just checking me. I just wanted to get another look at this poster.
• 49:53
  And it was before, like you know, I was gonna say it was
• 49:57
  before camera phones, it wasn't, but like you know, it was before
• 50:00
  clipping out a phone and taking a picture of him public was just a normal
• 50:05
  part of fucking life. Yeah, you've for noticed somebody doing you were still
• 50:08
  in the area where if somebody saw, if a friend saw you doing it,
• 50:12
  they'd call you a dickhead exactly, whereas it guys just like take a
• 50:15
  picture of every fucking bit of chooing him you see on the street, and
• 50:16
  nobody passes any remarks. Younger listeners will struggle to know this, But there
• 50:22
  used to be a time that if you took a selfie in public, people
• 50:25
  fucking laugh at you. Oh I still get a pain in my chest if
• 50:29
  I had to do such a thing nowadays, and camera technology at the time
• 50:31
  wasn't enough that you could do what you do now, which is take a
• 50:35
  picture of this poster from across the room and just zoom in on it and
• 50:37
  it would be perfect. It was like it was ship. So I took
• 50:42
  note of like the time and date that this assault took place, and I
• 50:46
  went back and I checked it against your man's gig listenings which he had up
• 50:50
  on his Facebook, A right to see if he was like gigging, you
• 50:58
  know, in the air. Because it was a Dublin it was that had
• 51:00
  happened in inner city Dublin. I was like, oh no, maybe maybe
• 51:01
  he was playing like fucking bullshadow whatever open at the time. When I look
• 51:08
  back and there was a picture of your man another great night and Belfast or
• 51:13
  in a skilling or wherever the fuck it was he had been playing that night
• 51:15
  and a grainy pixelated shot of him up on the stage, and so I
• 51:20
  was like, right, I knew you weren't in a skilling or nearly or
• 51:23
  wherever the fuck you were. Ah, so you couldn't possibly have been trance
• 51:29
  in some fucking pure counting Gardner Street. That's why I cleared him of all
• 51:31
  wrong doing. But again, you cleared it completely inside your own world and
• 51:36
  investigation. It wasn't like the guy's name was written under it. And you
• 51:39
  have no no, no, no no whoever whoever did the crime, very
• 51:45
  very possibly, you know, it's still out there haunting large, you know,
• 51:51
  so beware. As it turns out, we were one hundred percent fucking
• 51:53
  right. I can tell you, I can tell you. I can tell
• 51:57
  you exactly who it wasn't well, I can. I've for our three three
• 52:00
  sets of eyes, we all locked on picked the same guy. Your guy
• 52:05
  was banging on, our guy was bang on. It was yeah, the
• 52:07
  Robin bastard. And he got done. He got done for the whole fucking
• 52:09
  lot. And by all accounts, he didn't before the cuffs got on him.
• 52:15
  He they had to put the cuffs around the couple of pairs of casts
• 52:20
  casts arms. He gotta he got it going over right. Yeah, I
• 52:25
  had to get the white cups. Did they get the white cups? I
• 52:28
  think they just use fucking those big ticke cable ties just to fire. Yeah.
• 52:32
  Yeah, don't overtake it, Tom, when you're handcuff in a chap
• 52:35
  like, you know, for whatever purpose, doesn't know what you'd be doing
• 52:37
  their pile, But don't go for handcuffs. Fucking here's who's going to boast
• 52:39
  that? The zip ties? Nobody? No, the fucking rock you know
• 52:43
  what I mean? Anyway, we diverged because very much. That's what we
• 52:49
  do. That's what we do cast bad. I'm going to give you another
• 52:52
  lad, the dumb please of all the way into jail, Tom, because
• 52:58
  the low is a tricky thing, tis the law is an odd thing.
• 53:05
  Not everybody. This is what you hire lawyers to do these things, Yeah,
• 53:09
  to look after you because the exact ins and outs of what constitutes a
• 53:14
  crime may not be apparent right enough. You have the more thick among us,
• 53:22
  which is why a lot of these lads end up in jail, because
• 53:23
  like, fuck fuck didn't think that true, did I? Yeah? Yeah?
• 53:28
  Yeah, every days a school lager. Every days a school day for
• 53:30
  somebody and it certainly was a school day for Mohammed Ashan in Afghanistan. Tom
• 53:37
  in two thousand and twelve, sucking right, MOHAMMEDA Shan was. This is
• 53:45
  what he was described as of all the ship you could be pulling off in
• 53:47
  Afghanistan to be a stupid criminal. I mean, there's a lot of it's
• 53:52
  wild west, but anyway, it's it's in two thousand and twelve as well,
• 53:58
  Tom, historically not a not a great time to be involved in,
• 54:05
  you know, crime. I guess you want to say, well, it's
• 54:07
  agency. Some would say it depends on which side of which side of the
• 54:14
  line you were standing on, because a lot of crime was going on in
• 54:15
  afghanis standing I think who you ask? Yeah, this this neckline will will
• 54:21
  clarify what line he what side he was standing on? Tom. He was
• 54:23
  described as a mid to low level Taliban commander. Okay, okay, I
• 54:29
  didn't want to. I didn't with a name like Mohammad I Shan't, I
• 54:32
  did not want to. Yeah, it could be either side, either side,
• 54:37
  no, no, but in this instance, he's he's he's he'd been
• 54:39
  a traveling salesman from level Taliban commander. How do you fucking square that at
• 54:45
  all. As a command or two, you end up being mid to low
• 54:49
  level. I mean that's a lot of levels. Like what what do you
• 54:51
  what do you get asked to do as a mid level commander? Listen,
• 54:54
  you are looking after that, getting any of the big jobs. You're looking
• 54:58
  after the toilets, You are looking after toilets. You're being based being you're
• 55:01
  somebody's fucking cousin, and you're giving a fucking hat and a badge and basically
• 55:08
  you're shoving a light into fucking dark corners on a daily and you're just being
• 55:13
  told like he's like, he's like, young lads, here's some cousin.
• 55:15
  He didn't like he'd be like, here, you get to stay in guard
• 55:16
  at the base. Yeah. Yeah, And by base, I mean just
• 55:20
  fucking stay out of a way, Just stay out in a fucking way,
• 55:23
  because honestly, god, we've got a great thing going here and you're a
• 55:27
  fucking aged like you could suck it up. Don't do it stupid. But
• 55:30
  jare he did something stupid, didn't he? Well, he did he did
• 55:36
  plenty. Tommy did enough to get on the radar of the Afghani officials so
• 55:39
  much that they issued a warrant for his rest with a reward of one hundred
• 55:45
  US dollars, which I guess goes a long way in Afghanistan. Why is
• 55:50
  that country super I don't know. Maybe if people stop bombing the fuck out
• 55:52
  of it every now and then for twenty years at a time, who knows,
• 55:55
  oh, twenty years, you know, well if you will go back
• 55:59
  to Rambo three. Oh yeah, that there's been bombed for a lot longer
• 56:01
  than that. But anyway, here we are, okay, it's a poor
• 56:05
  country. But also fuck the Taliban. Mohammed Shan had a bounty against them
• 56:12
  for one hundred euros. We want Muhammad Ashan in jail, and we'll give
• 56:16
  one hundred euros to ever put them there. And someone showed up looking to
• 56:22
  claim the one hundred euros one hundred dollars reward for handing in Muhammadashan, that
• 56:30
  person being Mohammad Ashan. He fucking hold on that. I mean all to
• 56:37
  give the handing in Mohammedan credit there. It is the most popular name right
• 56:45
  now in the world, Mohammed. I'm just putting it out there. Yeah,
• 56:49
  I think it's been for like a In fact, in the year twenty
• 56:53
  twenty two, the most popular baby's name in Galway Maternal Hospital was Mohammit,
• 57:00
  there you go, there you go, with now less close behind. Ah,
• 57:05
  well here's the thing. Mohammed fucking strolled Tom. He had himself caught
• 57:12
  by the back of the fucking neck. He just walked into a fucking whatever
• 57:16
  the Afghany equivalent of a guard of station is. And he says, hello,
• 57:22
  I'm looking to get my passport pictured signed. There's Jerry looking at a
• 57:25
  picture of some Dublin cunt. He pointed at the poster on the wall,
• 57:31
  which was like Mohammed, I shan't and he goes that's me. Ah,
• 57:36
  please gives me the tone. I mean, who do I speak to about
• 57:47
  the I'm not one for red tape or fluffing between. Just give it to
• 57:52
  me straight. I hately reading all the instructions when putting the thing together,
• 57:55
  Jerry, I you know, I do. I hate it, but fuck
• 57:59
  me your own brain, surely, but a shit has to go. Well,
• 58:04
  like I said, legal systems complicated, Tom, it did. Do
• 58:09
  you know what's hilarious? It's like technically like you go, well, we
• 58:14
  did make an official So who's got the hundred quid I gotta, you know,
• 58:19
  I gotta. The legal system is complicated. I'd love like mohammeda Shan
• 58:22
  holding and sitting in a holding cell and his lawyer comes in. I know
• 58:25
  this is not how the process works, but for the purposes of this bit,
• 58:29
  Tom, his lawyer comes in and it goes, Mohammed, have there's
• 58:31
  a good chance we can make these charges go away. Now you haven't told
• 58:36
  them and have you? He goes, no, Well, I told him
• 58:37
  that was me in the post there. Okay, okay, okay, but
• 58:44
  you didn't take two hundred fucking euro did you. They haven't given it to
• 58:47
  me. I'm sitting here, I'm okay. We have something. Okay,
• 58:52
  we have something. A really good lawyer would like. We have told me.
• 58:53
  They told me I couldn't leave here, so I'm assuming I'm not going
• 58:57
  to the bank to get it to want to make sure I don't leave without
• 58:59
  it. There's a there's a there's a plane there that stops in Shannon on
• 59:04
  the way to fucking the island off the coast of Cuba. Maybe that's where
• 59:06
  I'm getting Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hope you like rock music,
• 59:10
  yes, you and with floors enjoy setting comfortably when you fucking are there,
• 59:16
  you go. They wheeled them up, and like nobody from like from the
• 59:22
  Afghani police to the US Army that we're on the ground at the time,
• 59:25
  could fathom why this man did what he did. But one summed it up.
• 59:30
  One US official summed it up when he was speaking to journalists later on.
• 59:35
  He just made the statement, clearly, this man is an imbecile.
• 59:44
  There is time when you do get military men talking talking to camera and they
• 59:47
  don't have that fluff or they what because they've just come out with great lines,
• 59:52
  like they clearly there's nothing sad, but this man isn't it. We
• 59:58
  could sit here all night and tell you what he is and he isn't.
• 1:00:00
  But it's just a simpler just to Talian, we got a dumb fuck go
• 1:00:07
  you know, wow. Wow. The embarrassment, like if you were the
• 1:00:10
  cousin that got him the gig with the Taliban, yeah, and for nothing.
• 1:00:15
  The embarrassment when he's over in guantanam Obey with all the other lads in
• 1:00:17
  the orange jump shoots and suits and they're like, what are you in for
• 1:00:21
  and he's like, motherfucker's promised me a hundred year old one hundred dollars to
• 1:00:27
  hand my ass in and here I am worse again. The guys who are
• 1:00:30
  over there being detained with no under with no criminal background whatsoever. Who are
• 1:00:36
  And they're like, they put pulled me out of obscurity because my fucking name
• 1:00:39
  rhymes with the count. I've done nothing. I've done nothing, and you
• 1:00:44
  walked yourself in here, you fucking donkey. They fucking smashed it into my
• 1:00:50
  flat and lifted me without in the shadow of darkness and whisked me off fucking
• 1:00:53
  eighteen hour flight to get here. And I have no idea how I'm here
• 1:00:57
  for I'm never going to see home when you fucking volunteered yourself as fucking now.
• 1:01:12
  Wow beautiful. So Tom, I could talk all night to you on
• 1:01:16
  the final Lessons of the Tom and Jerry podcast about all these idiots, all
• 1:01:21
  right, and how they landed in jail for the crimes they committed. And
• 1:01:25
  you know, I wanted to finish up with one that I read the whole
• 1:01:31
  story and I was like, okay, and then we've got some jail time
• 1:01:34
  at the end of this, and it didn't come to pass. This is
• 1:01:37
  one of the damnedest crimes that I've ever heard of in my whole entire life.
• 1:01:43
  And it wasn't that it was overly stupid. This person was far from
• 1:01:46
  a stupid person. It wasn't that he got caught in a stupid way.
• 1:01:52
  It wasn't that any of that kind of thing happened. He committed a crime,
• 1:01:55
  as we as we come to learn, he served no jail time for
• 1:01:59
  it. But if he had served jail time for tom I would fucking pay
• 1:02:05
  folding money to see him explain to his fellow prisoners what he was in for.
• 1:02:12
  Okay, it imagine like, you know, you got guys sitting in
• 1:02:20
  I'm in for burglary, I'm in for robbery, I am in from murder.
• 1:02:22
  I'm going for burglary and robbery. What the foks the difference. I'm
• 1:02:25
  in from murder, I'm in from assault, I'm in for everything. And
• 1:02:28
  this little old man comes in and sits, then they say, what are
• 1:02:30
  you in? Didn't come to pass to explain it to you now? In
• 1:02:35
  a second. The man I'm talking about as a chap called Thomas Harvey,
• 1:02:39
  right, the damnedest crime I'd never heard of him alife. Thomas Harvey stole
• 1:02:47
  Albert Einstein's brain Jesus Christ. I thought you're gonna say, Christmas, what
• 1:02:54
  Thomas Harvey is a man? I'll tell you all about him now, Tom.
• 1:03:00
  That stole Albert Einstein. Yeah, that gay all right? Not so
• 1:03:04
  Albert Einstein up the road from me, right, He stole his brain and
• 1:03:09
  kept it for decades and then got relulled and died before like I guess any
• 1:03:16
  no charges were pressed or anything like that. But again, I know it's
• 1:03:21
  a little day vergence from the from the pattern of what we've been speaking about
• 1:03:23
  here. But can you imagine Thomas Harvey sitting in gen Pop eating the fucking
• 1:03:28
  little tray of Salisbury steak with a plastic knife and fork because he can't fucking
• 1:03:34
  shive anyone in the Jackson. They're like, yo, Grahams, what are
• 1:03:37
  you in for me? But like Jen Percy your man and Bourdainstein there with
• 1:03:40
  the hair, Yeah, I never wonder what was underneath all that. Let
• 1:03:44
  me tell you. I tell you the story time, Okay, Albert Einstein,
• 1:03:49
  y'all know Albert Einstein. Yes, yeah, you're fucking all right.
• 1:03:52
  So one thing he did, on top of everything else he did was he
• 1:03:54
  died, m all right. And then after he died, he had to
• 1:04:00
  go for an autopsy. I mean, that's all as as as as it
• 1:04:04
  happens, right, So nineteen fifty five, after he died, he went
• 1:04:09
  for an autopsy. And the guy who took care of the autopsy on all
• 1:04:12
  that was Urman Thomas Harvey. He was a pathologist, and he dressed the
• 1:04:18
  body and such like and so want to support and so backwards and determined cause
• 1:04:23
  of death and all X y Z. And then Albert Einstein's body, as
• 1:04:27
  PA's wishes, was cremated and scattered in unknown locations about the place and spans
• 1:04:30
  of organs backwards most of it, Tom go on, because Thomas Harvey had
• 1:04:38
  cut Albert Einstein's brain and eyes out of his head before it left the morgue,
• 1:04:45
  and nobody thought to check sure, Jez, how the funk didn't they
• 1:04:51
  go looking for the brain at the very least to keep it in a jar,
• 1:04:54
  to go, Rah, this could be worth looking at when we have
• 1:04:57
  to take to look at it, do you know? Was Tom's Harvey's take
• 1:05:00
  on it. Tom was ahead of time. Tom was like, you know,
• 1:05:03
  wait, wait, let's not just throw this directly out lads, Like
• 1:05:08
  you know, let's uh let's hang on to it. Let's let's see what's
• 1:05:12
  up, you know, Let's see is it uh a quote unquote normal brain?
• 1:05:16
  Tom? Is it got? Is it the same as any other fucking
• 1:05:19
  jamoke wander in the streets? Or is there something special to it? Does
• 1:05:23
  this one have fucking go faster stripes? Some down? Does go faster stripes?
• 1:05:27
  Does? Does it have a larger wiggly bit? I don't hold the
• 1:05:30
  brain that well, Tom. The modula oubling, geta name me another part,
• 1:05:33
  Tom, fucking the cortex, the frontal cortex, all right, that's
• 1:05:39
  fuck. I wish where's my sister? She knows? I don't know where
• 1:05:44
  everybody fucking new knows. The middula oblong gata from Oh, I'll tell you
• 1:05:47
  water boyd. And it was like I did, Mamma said the crock.
• 1:05:55
  The alligators are just real honorary because they got all empty eating they can't but
• 1:06:00
  you have teeth. And the KFC looking guys down the front. The colonel
• 1:06:03
  he's like your mama, say, alligate his ownry d's the modula oblong Gara
• 1:06:12
  is angry and he's like ba and he basically tackles the guy through and it
• 1:06:17
  gets said three or four times because in that right accent as well, because
• 1:06:23
  I'm like, you know, fuck like that's why and frontal cartax and prefrontal
• 1:06:27
  cart actually no prefrontal cortax, frontal lobes. We actually do know a lot
• 1:06:30
  about it's probably sitting in one of those parts we just named everybody that I
• 1:06:36
  just well, they did the exact same thing. Listen to this to Weddula
• 1:06:41
  Bland, God, Mama, you know so uh so so box balls here
• 1:06:50
  he kept He kept Einstein's brain. We didn't just fucking keep it tomb.
• 1:06:56
  He divvied it up right right, Okay, he divvaed it up, and
• 1:07:02
  he kept like Einstein's brain floating like the fucking you know, the like crank
• 1:07:08
  the robot at the end of RoboCop two, a fucking jam jar or whatever
• 1:07:15
  or crank is a great one as well, all right, Like literally the
• 1:07:20
  man with two brains, brain and a jar okay, ah, Tom in
• 1:07:27
  his fucking house for decades. What you now hold on him was an inside
• 1:07:30
  in between the fucking the tins of beans inside the little pantry bit or was
• 1:07:35
  it like in the sitting room? Where was it that information was not?
• 1:07:42
  It was not It was not open to mmy but the whole Like, did
• 1:07:46
  he mention this down the pobe what happened? No, he didn't mention it
• 1:07:50
  down the pub tom he mentioned to anybody that would fucking listen to him.
• 1:07:54
  He cut the brain up into one hundred and seventy different parts and send it
• 1:07:57
  to one hundred and seventy different people. Who the fuck did he endedor just
• 1:08:01
  like scientists, it's just like getting the chunk of the Berlin wall. No,
• 1:08:06
  this is like you know, this is more like you know here,
• 1:08:10
  I'll tell you what it is, gass, And why don't you why don't
• 1:08:12
  you take that and have a look at it and tell me what you see?
• 1:08:15
  And know? It was too big of a job for one man,
• 1:08:17
  right, so we're gon chop it up into one hundred and seventy bits,
• 1:08:21
  and I'm going to keep a wee bit of it myself. Just you put
• 1:08:25
  it on a gear, right or something like? Yeah, I get that,
• 1:08:28
  And by and large and they all went away with all this fucking cod
• 1:08:31
  psychology and all this kind of crack and the little measure the size of your
• 1:08:35
  head, you know that the the phrenology, like the phrenology that's bumps in
• 1:08:42
  your head and all this kind and it's all like debunked and all this kind
• 1:08:44
  of thing, but this is like the fifties and sixties and all this kind
• 1:08:46
  of crack and they found nothing and the poke around it, and Einstein's family
• 1:08:55
  weren't best pleased about this when they found out about it. But I don't
• 1:08:59
  believe any charges were ever were ever pressed. It came in and around about
• 1:09:02
  nineteen seventy eight. I believe it was this guy Harvey was found out to
• 1:09:06
  have done this based on interviews he gave to the press himself in an article
• 1:09:15
  that was called I have Einstein's Brain. You know what, though it reminds
• 1:09:25
  me of there was a woman. It was two. It was last year
• 1:09:28
  and I think we spoke about it. I'm not sure if we spoke about
• 1:09:30
  it on the podcast. But she was suing this company. This will tell
• 1:09:33
  you on more but America can be She was suing this company that she had
• 1:09:39
  sold the husband had sold his body to science. You don't have to donate
• 1:09:44
  fuck on America like you get money for sperm, blood, your body,
• 1:09:46
  everything. And they got like five or six k before he popped his clogs
• 1:09:51
  body off signed him off. But turns out he wasn't going to science or
• 1:09:55
  to be studied, not really. He was going to basically a fucking gore
• 1:10:00
  fest. Let's call it science. It is science. But it wasn't like
• 1:10:06
  a bunch of academics sitting around in some theater. Tell me more, Now,
• 1:10:11
  what do you do when you crack it open the frontal cortex? It
• 1:10:13
  wasn't. It was a hotel room in Vegas where fucking thousands of tickets had
• 1:10:18
  been sold the people like I think ticket I think ticket door sales were like
• 1:10:23
  one hundred and ninety thousand, and basically they were cracking open this body and
• 1:10:27
  they were while they were given the talk and everything about it. And this
• 1:10:30
  is where now if you open the chest too, you see this gentleman would
• 1:10:32
  have had this. But a lot of creepy fuckers were going to this.
• 1:10:35
  Any Joe and his fucking with a super slurpie and a foc bag of popcorn
• 1:10:42
  could go and watch this, like throw it down a flight of stairs,
• 1:10:46
  you know what I mean? And then I think I ha'n't always been brought
• 1:10:50
  onto a couple of road shows like but they figured we bought it, we
• 1:10:55
  got it, and I was allowed to do about it. We have a
• 1:10:57
  receipt, Yeah, we have ever seen, but she was own them for
• 1:11:00
  that, going woa, you said, my husband was supposed to fucking by
• 1:11:04
  now, yeah, but now he was. This was to stop put lipstick
• 1:11:09
  on monkeys. What are you doing? And by now actually he was to
• 1:11:11
  be cremated and I must have gotten his ashes. And you motherfuckers are still
• 1:11:15
  making a killing off on the weekly, going from the fucking MGM to fuck
• 1:11:18
  it up to the sands and down to fucking circus legal here. No,
• 1:11:24
  it wasn't. It wasn't, and and so be with Einstein's brain. Whether
• 1:11:28
  anybody was like fucking pissed off about it tom or upset or against their father's
• 1:11:31
  wishes are ounding like that. It wasn't like they went around and gathered all
• 1:11:35
  the bits of Einstein's brain like you're collecting the fucking gold coins and pirates of
• 1:11:39
  the Caribbean. It was just a case and horror, fucket it's out there
• 1:11:42
  now. And Harvey, before his death, he gathered whatever bits he had
• 1:11:46
  left he had about I think he'd about sixteen or eighteen little fucking cubes of
• 1:11:53
  brain, like little bits of brain and resin like he says of an ice
• 1:11:56
  cube. He's like, I think that's it. I don't know. It
• 1:11:58
  might be another wee bit out in the house, but fuck it, I'm
• 1:12:00
  tired. I'm not going for it now and don't need it all to the
• 1:12:01
  ain same museum as Lucky. I do whatever you want with it. Oh,
• 1:12:04
  for fuck's sake, the dog is a bit of it in his mouth.
• 1:12:06
  For well, we're down to fifteen pieces. I'll tell you that now.
• 1:12:11
  That's that's that's where we're at the building. It probably wasn't an important
• 1:12:14
  part. I kept it all the easiers, you know. And here's the
• 1:12:16
  thing. Had his brain probably been studied with today's you know, it had
• 1:12:19
  been studied, you know, you know, it's kind of what it looked
• 1:12:23
  great, probably was a great brain. But in fairness, he chopped it
• 1:12:26
  up with a fucking kitchen knife to cunt and sent it out to let it
• 1:12:30
  seems to have reacted poorly to the magnetron or whatever the funk that we're doing
• 1:12:34
  in the sixties eye. It seems to have reacted poorly to being put into
• 1:12:38
  a paper envelope and just sent to some fellow in fucking Idaho. Yeah,
• 1:12:43
  these were all it has to be said, Tom, it has to be
• 1:12:45
  said. These were all learned men, but they all had to fucking know
• 1:12:48
  that what they're doing was absolutely, at the very least illegal, at the
• 1:12:53
  very worst, completely immoral and a betrayal of their brothers. Even if you
• 1:12:58
  got if some Fellocasia message saying here, I've got a bit of Einstein's brain.
• 1:13:01
  You got, you do? Yeah? Could anyway you keep moving again?
• 1:13:05
  You know, like relics like you know you I've got a bit of
• 1:13:08
  Quterpeo's glove from wherever we are, bless yourself. Yeah you do, Yeah,
• 1:13:12
  you do? You do? You can get one of that your pound
• 1:13:14
  chap over there, so just to let you know, get around the place.
• 1:13:17
  But there you go. And I would have loved if this guy had
• 1:13:19
  gone to jail just so I could have this little fucking ninety five year old
• 1:13:24
  man, which was the age which he died, the little ninety five year
• 1:13:27
  old man just sitting in the corner, fucking quittling something that we like you
• 1:13:30
  that would fuck with the other prisoner's heads, I think though they would.
• 1:13:34
  I don't think they would have crossed him. Do you like the way they
• 1:13:36
  went? So? Hold on, so you cracked oupen his body popped off
• 1:13:40
  the top of his head and scooped out his fucking brain. Took it home
• 1:13:42
  and chopped it up and sent it out to one hundred seventy one hundred and
• 1:13:45
  sixty nine people. Yeah, yeah, all right, pops, let me
• 1:13:48
  know if you need anything. I'm gonna be over. Yeah, yeah,
• 1:13:50
  yeah, look, yeah, do you want a yogurt? I want to
• 1:13:55
  do before we wrap up. I want to do because we ran way longer
• 1:13:59
  than we I want to I want to do an honorable mention to some of
• 1:14:01
  the fuck heads I mentioned. You want in Nebraska who basically grasped herself up
• 1:14:06
  on YouTube. There was two lads in Iowa or two the greatest fuckheads I've
• 1:14:13
  ever seen. They went into rob a bank, and you know you'd need
• 1:14:17
  a mask. You need a fuck a mask. There's various masks, everything
• 1:14:20
  from the dead presidents to ladies fucking hosiery to say you go at, you
• 1:14:29
  just go old school and go back like to have or pull a hoodie up
• 1:14:31
  with the little strings around your face, look like a man kind Kenny from
• 1:14:34
  fucking South Park. You could also use a black permanent marker to just draw
• 1:14:40
  on face masks on your actually which doesn't obscure you at all. Two lads,
• 1:14:48
  and they both seem like when you look at a picture of you wouldn't
• 1:14:51
  go two dumb foxx. It doesn't look like beaves and buddy. It looks
• 1:14:54
  like two okay, two blokes that could be working, you know, down
• 1:14:58
  the road in the bedro station. But the real killer was they actually got
• 1:15:00
  away because they had a weapon. They got away with a few quid from
• 1:15:03
  the shop, but they they realized that it wasn't like a kid's crayon or
• 1:15:11
  a fucking white board mark. They used good, heavy duty a magic marker,
• 1:15:15
  magic marker, sharpie. I went up the road and sure they still
• 1:15:18
  had it, like a day and a half later and they were out in
• 1:15:21
  public before they know, so they got actually got nabbed. It was a
• 1:15:26
  really easy description to give. It was, you know, it's it's it's
• 1:15:30
  the damnedest thing Tom like you see even like you know, there's a Snicker's
• 1:15:32
  Dad now where it's like you're not yourself when you're hungry, and it's a
• 1:15:35
  guy that's going to robert rob a bank or whatever with his house and they're
• 1:15:41
  like we said, we're stockings over our faces. And he's got like fucking
• 1:15:44
  fishnet stockings on it. You can just see his face, Like, Yeah,
• 1:15:47
  wonderful thing in an ad happens all the fucking time. Happens all the
• 1:15:54
  fucking times that these ads just rock up with disguises that either number one or
• 1:15:58
  edged to their skin. As you say that, you can't just fucking water
• 1:16:00
  from all big load of hand sanitizer stick a face in it for an hour
• 1:16:05
  sometimes like a lot of things, you know what I mean, I would
• 1:16:08
  fuck up putting together a computer because I would read and in misinterpret what I
• 1:16:13
  think means when I read it, so I can kind of on a wide
• 1:16:15
  scale, I go, okay, somebody heard once that if you put a
• 1:16:18
  mask on your face of any sort it would obscure who you are, and
• 1:16:23
  not actually putting logic to it. You go, well, I'll just draw
• 1:16:26
  on the mask and I'm away with fucking slay. Fair enough. But then
• 1:16:30
  misinformation can be given leads to lads too where it doesn't make rhyme. Reason,
• 1:16:34
  because there was a lad who wore I think he was he got fifteen
• 1:16:39
  years. He wore a clear plastic bag much like like he wore he was
• 1:16:42
  doing the blind boy on it, only he literally wore It's almost impossible to
• 1:16:46
  get a clear plastic bag, do you know what I mean? Even the
• 1:16:49
  bags in the shop for the benchimans are frosted to degree our frosted to agree.
• 1:16:54
  I'm trying to think about what would come in a clear plastic bags.
• 1:16:57
  It literally it would look like a giant, you know, a pre mixed
• 1:17:00
  preset pick pick and mix. But even yeah, like this had right,
• 1:17:05
  it had no writing on it was like a clear, huge sandwich bag.
• 1:17:09
  He pulled on over his face and again I'll give him okay, so he
• 1:17:14
  didn't understand the nuances of blanking out. But the best one I heard of
• 1:17:18
  a guy trying to disguise himself was a guy who got He got twenty four
• 1:17:23
  years because of previous for trying to rub a bank by putting lemon juice all
• 1:17:28
  over his face because somebody had yeah, somebody had told him up up,
• 1:17:34
  high up and low down that if you rub lemon juice all over your face,
• 1:17:41
  the cameras can't pick much like do you know those number plates that the
• 1:17:45
  young lads put on their fast car go faster cars that they reckoned for years
• 1:17:49
  or remember, lads would hang out a CD from their from their fucking their
• 1:17:55
  rear view mirror. It would it would reflect the flash of the fucking speed
• 1:17:59
  camera. Was similar to this. This guy rubbed lemon juice all over his
• 1:18:02
  face. The only thing he was told with if you go near a heat
• 1:18:08
  source of any sort, it'll like this is some scientology level of how you
• 1:18:14
  fucking caught me. Because even when he got brought in by the cops and
• 1:18:16
  the quizzling, and he went and they showed him the fucking footage of himself,
• 1:18:20
  he went, should that stop my face at all? Buys, you
• 1:18:23
  can't see it. You can't see my face. I'm looking at a head,
• 1:18:27
  but sure you can't see my face. And you got everybody including you
• 1:18:30
  in this room can see your face, not lemon juice on. And I
• 1:18:33
  stayed away from heat sources, so tisn't me. I'm denying the whole fucking
• 1:18:36
  thing, Like, yeah, Paul, looks like you're looking at some hard
• 1:18:41
  line twenty though it didn't have that squeezing. My favorite one of the whole
• 1:18:46
  lot, because it's a beautiful and I love a fucking touch of fucking irony,
• 1:18:49
  And this is nearly like something you would read in a very well known
• 1:18:54
  satirical online newspaper. One of them. Oh yeah, one of them.
• 1:18:59
  This guy in his name was I think it was a Charles Mosley. It
• 1:19:02
  was Mosley was a surname, and he walked into a discount gun store to
• 1:19:09
  rob encountered this guy somewhere along the way time. Yeah, I think they
• 1:19:12
  go on give me he I think he walked into a gun store lots of
• 1:19:17
  in America. He walked in to hold up a gun store with a baseball
• 1:19:21
  back. Like that's like something you'd do at a prank TV show, do
• 1:19:32
  you know what I mean, an extreme prank TV show, because it's so
• 1:19:35
  fucking funny. You know, you'd walk in with like a rubber hammer and
• 1:19:40
  go, okay, give me all the money. Yeah, and if you're
• 1:19:43
  a really sharp guy, yeah, he'd look around and go amazing, that's
• 1:19:47
  actually really brilliantly ironic, by the way. That's but like he wasn't the
• 1:19:50
  guy did it in Florida. A month or two later, he got he
• 1:19:56
  got what cheese? What's the Mosley get? He got? Oh, he
• 1:20:00
  got a like he got twelve years something because of previous as well. Yeah,
• 1:20:02
  and then they add years on for stability yeah, I did do.
• 1:20:05
  Sure, you're no good to society when you're doing stupid shit like that.
• 1:20:09
  But it was a guy in Florida. This was an Upper States. This
• 1:20:13
  is in the North, as they'd call it, but this is in the
• 1:20:15
  Upper States where there might be a bit more less trigger happy and more respect
• 1:20:20
  for life. Because this guy, a guy a month or two later showed
• 1:20:25
  up in a gun store in Florida with a knife, which is amazing in
• 1:20:29
  itself, then not to bring a knife to it, and he did,
• 1:20:33
  but he got shot in the fucking back in self defense and going at the
• 1:20:40
  shop owner got away with it. They went to clear it. Yeah,
• 1:20:42
  no, no, forget about it. But like, you know, the
• 1:20:44
  guy with the knife, I'm like, okay, you're him in the Okay,
• 1:20:46
  you're here to rob me, all right, the gay with the baseball.
• 1:20:48
  But I'm like, you're god to be fucking taking the bass. Oh
• 1:20:53
  no, you're serious, yeah, because that's like one return on these pitches.
• 1:20:59
  You walk in with an knife, You're like, Okay, that's clearly
• 1:21:01
  meant for killing. You walk in with a baseball bat. It's kind of
• 1:21:03
  like walking in with a tennis racket to a degree, in the same it's
• 1:21:08
  a it's for bab what man, we're literally were what are you doing?
• 1:21:14
  What are you doing? Yet? It put it, but your man from
• 1:21:15
  just took out his own literally slowly unclipped his own gun behind the counter,
• 1:21:19
  just pointed at mostly went yeah, listen, you're going to have to just
• 1:21:23
  sit down altogether, because put your man in Florida. He ended up quite
• 1:21:29
  very deceased. After your man just handed him the money and presumably he didn't
• 1:21:33
  have a gun physically on his belt, let him walk and felt his life
• 1:21:40
  was still in danger as the guy was walking out with all the money and
• 1:21:43
  just picked up one of their many many guns, many many inventory and just
• 1:21:51
  shot the guy a bunch of times. And the cops went first fair,
• 1:21:56
  which in a lot of cases. You know what, Yeah, some of
• 1:21:59
  these are I suppose they're like the dark One Awards. They're the darre One
• 1:22:03
  Awards. If he shot him in the front as he went from with the
• 1:22:06
  knife, it's fairst fair time. You don't shoot no man on the back.
• 1:22:10
  That's one of these one of these old West lows that I still it's
• 1:22:13
  it's it's I think the guy still felt threatened, and the cops were happy
• 1:22:16
  with that like fucking throw the knife behind him whose nose? There might have
• 1:22:20
  been another Nanniokley, Hey, they didn't go to detail, but there could
• 1:22:25
  have been another customer service person by the okay, he could have been going
• 1:22:29
  to stay. It could have been like and he could have been like fairly
• 1:22:31
  stabby with the knife, like he get that get back, you know,
• 1:22:34
  like those that you see that one that that meme that goes around every so
• 1:22:38
  often with that that crab that picks up a knife and cut cut, you
• 1:22:44
  know. So he could have been that. Okay, well, ah,
• 1:22:48
  he's not with us, but if you're a member of his family, I
• 1:22:54
  guess uh. And you enjoyed that story, share our podcast with your friends.
• 1:23:01
  You haven't we mentioned Hey, listen, it's he's one of the many
• 1:23:05
  Florida men we could have spoken about. And that was the guy we could
• 1:23:09
  we could we could have just not left Florida this whole thing. But all
• 1:23:12
  to say it, Tom, throughout all of those hard conversation to have with
• 1:23:16
  your new sealmate on your first night in jail as to what it is you're
• 1:23:21
  in for, Like I said, you're going to get the choice of being
• 1:23:27
  Mama or Papa. And it doesn't really matter what you say because you're going
• 1:23:30
  to be a couple of years in jail. But there you go, Tom
• 1:23:36
  Episode two of The Tom and Jerry Show Season seven, and the Bike.
• 1:23:40
  Yet we hope you all enjoyed it. If you didn't need enjoy it,
• 1:23:43
  you can do a couple of things for us to help spread the good word
• 1:23:45
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• 1:23:53
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• 1:23:56
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• 1:24:00
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• 1:24:03
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• 1:24:09
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• 1:24:33
  told that you might be actually logged into the Australia Fucking iTunes. It's not
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  people go, I can't believe us through that for so long you're tagging a
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  cartoon from the sixties. It's Tom and Jerry with a G. It doesn't
• 1:25:11
  hurt my feeling. It's not that much. It's not. It's not and
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• 1:25:17
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  Facebook, because Tom says he's Tom underscore Romaney, I'm at Jerry McBride
• 1:25:26
  or some combination of that. Tom will probably get you to where we'll be.
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• 1:25:31
  know. That might change. Who knows, well the big the big thing
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  I keep on forgetting to see this, and some people are subscribed,
• 1:25:41
  the bell will actually bring it into You'll pop up in your phone as well
• 1:25:45
  as as some people are being saying there isn't a new logo, there's some
• 1:25:46
  ancient logo showing up. What you have to do for that, because our
• 1:25:49
  logos have changed. If you are listening on Spotify is to unsubscribe and resubscribe
• 1:25:56
  and then new logo, I'm told pops up. I don't know why that
• 1:25:59
  would make you feel. It's a dangerous game. You're still part of the
• 1:26:01
  gang. Trust me, we love you. In fact, you're probably being
• 1:26:04
  a bit retro for having the old logo, but the new logo will pop
• 1:26:08
  up in your phone if you do that. I'm just saying what I was
• 1:26:10
  told yer. I'm no expert in this shit. Do please tell everybody about
• 1:26:15
  it for now that and do it all, and do it all, and
• 1:26:18
  do it all in time for the next episode where, yes, what's it
• 1:26:24
  about? Who knows? But we hope you've enjoyed today's journey through the dumbas
• 1:26:28
  criminals that we could fucking layer Hanmazon. Remember, folks, the crime most
• 1:26:30
  day. If you don't get away the next time, good look and look