Latest / Erotic Spirit Podcast / YOU DON’T ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT FEELS GOOD

Transcript

YOU DON’T ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT FEELS GOOD · Erotic Spirit Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I don't look at sex as what's right or wrong for people.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not here to judge.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like we all do enough of that for ourselves.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: But I invited invitations on perspective.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: And what is it that is your truth?
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: What is your truth?
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: What feels good in your body?
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: And how do you know what to share with even a partner if you don't even know what feels good?
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: I believe that orgasm in our own experience and any of those heightened spaces, that we're actually the driver of that.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: That I am the driver of my own experience.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I get to cultivate that by knowing that truthfully and letting that expression out and communicate that.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: Please understand that I am not a therapist.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: My guests and I are simply sharing from our own journeys and experiences.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Erotic Spirit Podcast, where sexuality, soul, and embodiment meet.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Jenna Lee, and today I'm talking about pleasure mapping.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have the idea of getting to the finish line?
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you actually know what feels good in your body?
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because those are two different things.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Are you on a race to get to orgasm and to just finish?
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Do you actually stop in all the spaces and allow the juiciness of life to just unfold?
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: So if you stick around today, I'll give you my insights on pleasure mapping and how you can use this out there.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: How you can use that in your sex life or just with you.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll get into a little bit on my story, a little bit on how I used to not welcome touch.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: I actually even I did not not only enjoy it, but I didn't want it because just I didn't feel safe.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: It was in a long-term relationship, and I didn't recognize it until I started doing the work and the healing journey that there was something deeper there.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: So the this idea of sitting within the body to understand what actually feels good and where the ideas of just moving to this finish line, they they quote out there, just getting it over with, is not helping anyone.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's not serving anyone.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: We just do things in life just to do them, just to get it over with.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of actually enjoying the pleasures of life, of all the things in life, then what are we doing?
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: So there's this invitation.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: The invitation is to start to recognize where things are coming from or what your behaviors are.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: So if you start to look at that you're you can't receive in the bedroom, that if you receive, you're thinking about what do I need to do?
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: What do I need to do in exchange?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Which is not its purest form of receiving.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that, that's actually an energy exchange of something like that.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm doing, I need to people please back.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: I that I'm getting, I need to exchange something back.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Pure form of receiving is just letting it be.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: You whether that is a compliment that you just receive, whether that is form of touch, and not an expectation of I need to do something back.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: When you're in that energy, you're in a mindset of what am I going to do next, instead of actually feeling the juiciness and the pleasure and the sensations that are moving through in that moment.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: Other things that people can sometimes do, I've seen, and even myself, was performance.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: Does how do I look?
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: How does this, how am I moving my body in this experience?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: How am I be how do I look and how does my body look around the space and are they gonna like it?
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's a space of just performance.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: And performance can come up for many reasons.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's for me, it was I did not feel safe enough to just be present in my body and just to feel what's coming in.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so my mind was going.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like, do they like this?
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Does this, you know, it wasn't like, does this feel good?
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's more of thinking about someone else.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: And that becomes performance.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: So when you look at your behaviors, it can really give you an indication of the opportunity for more pleasure when you actually invite in and welcome these into your awareness.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: And if and any of these made sense or resonate, then use this as a roadmap to where you may be going.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: So basically, what you can do is start to understand your body.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Your body wants to communicate, it simply just wants you to listen.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: And when you start to listen, you can actually feel it.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: And when I say listen, it's not listening with your mind, it's listening where you connect all of that and you allow yourself to be in the moment of it.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll get into my process of pleasure mapping and how that has evolved as well.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: I would just simply have a space where it was just me, and I invite in whether you have a partner or not, it does not matter.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: You get to understand what feels good for you.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so if you want a partner at some point, and if when you do, or if you currently have one, you know what feels good in the safety of your space, but also this invitation is going to expand you and allow for growth.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're like me, where I was at, I did not feel comfortable.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: I did not want touch.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of things came up from me.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: You may have guilt on receiving pleasure.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you can look at your background.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Where do things come from?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: You may have seen, you know, maybe you grew up in religion.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: And so it wasn't just about receiving.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: It would, there's a lot of things that would teach, you know, receiving and and giving back.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, maybe you had trauma.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: And so looking at these things and starting to just settle into, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do this and actually tell my body something different.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: But things will arise.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I would recommend you you create a safe space.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: You create something new.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: I love all the senses.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: I love the the sound, the smells, the taste, the touch, the all of them.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: All you include all the senses in, it drops in an opportunity for you to be really present.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're moving and you're hearing the music in the moment, you're listening to it in the moment, you're present.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: So create an experience.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you light a candle that is a new scented candle, something that you haven't had before in the bedroom.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Create something new.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: And then you maybe create a vibe with the lights, you know, different different lighting, maybe different colors that you see.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then maybe you have new music that you're playing.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I invite in sensual music, something slow, something that is gonna be conducive to your state of being it moving into a more relaxed state.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: So something that's gonna cater towards that.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: And then, you know, I mean, I I love dropping into taste to you as well.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you can bring in that sensual experience, you know, maybe you have some sweet strawberries that you have as well.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: So you're just inviting in this experience, and it's not about getting to an end goal, it is about meeting yourself and seeing yourself and accepting yourself.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not about I need to have this orgasm.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: And that leak that helps you get out of performance.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: So you drop into this experience, and then you know, you maybe you already have your pleasure practice that you usually do.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: I invite you to do other things where you are touching all areas of your body, not just the erogenous zones, not just, and if you don't know what those are, those are different points in your body that create the this opportunity for arousal.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like there are there are nerve endings and senses there that feel typically good for people, and it's not just your genitals.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: They have even, I believe, like behind your knee sometimes, uh, for some people, and you know, kind of like near the ears and that neck space, um, nipples, uh, but and not just right the genitals.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: So it really expands.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: But now we're actually gonna touch all areas of the body.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna drop into getting to know what feels good.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe the brushing of your hair back feels good, you know, if you if you have long hair, if you don't, you know, or even if you, you know, you don't.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: You can just, you know, feel the your fingers run at the back of your neck and see what that feels like.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: See that, you know, as it moves down your cheeks.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: And this is slow.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: This is slow movement.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is inviting presence into all the things, you know, moving through your neck and different pressures.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe you have a softer touch, maybe it's a uh harder touch, maybe you just stop and you push in.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so you're allowing different senses to just aliven the experience.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: And you go through your every single ounce of your body.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: You go through every single ounce.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: And what you're doing is you're now listening and communicating with your body, and you're giving it a chance to finally communicate with you and say, I really like that's that toe being touched, um, or or like tickled or kind of scratched, and or just that's that softness.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: And so you're really letting all of that be communicated, and your body is so excited that you're doing this.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Your body's like, yes, they're listening, they're allowing that, and that's beautiful.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: So, what I will share with this process and what came up for me is lots of things.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: I had all kinds of emotions, and when you feel it, the invitation is to stay with it.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: So when you have something come up, maybe it feels really good.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you start to become aroused, but maybe you feel angry, maybe you feel sad, maybe you feel grief, maybe there is a trigger around that because something happened with that part of your body.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: And what you're actually doing is called a somatic release.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: You're applying touch and awareness, and you're staying with it.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: And your mind could be going back to something that happened, or it could be trying to explain why you're feeling something.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I had something that had come up for me at one point that was guilt.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: I had guilt around surprisingly, something that was feeling good.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: It was feeling good, and as I stayed with it, I started to feel guilty on experiencing so much bliss and pleasure.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so I decided to stay with it, not just to give allow the words to come through and what it meant.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: I allowed myself to just be and let my body finally express that part of me.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that's part of the somatic release.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not about the mind giving the excuse or bypassing, oh my gosh, this is I'm pleasure mapping.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: I should everything should feel good.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's actually just bypassing.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Everything is what it needs to be, everything is exactly perfect as it is.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: So when you allow yourself to just drop into the moment, you feel into the sensations, you feel into what it actually feels like in the body.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: And say uh you feel really uncomfortable, maybe you feel uh shaking in your body, not not a just shaking that feels good, maybe it's like a a feeling of fear.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so you just stay with that.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: You stay with that and you allow yourself to be really present and know that that energy actually moves through.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: What I like to share is when we actually allow the surrender into that moment, into the uncomfortableness, into the stickiness, into the sadness, into the grief, it finally moves through.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: I have learned from my experience that there were many emotions connected to sexual trauma, connected to sexual abuse.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: There were many moments that I recognized that the body was finally expressing because it never did.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: And it felt like for me, the way that I share it is it felt like the body was in a loop of, oh, I have something coming up because I want I had sadness and grief around that, around the traumas, or I had all the things.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: And and it was coming up, and I'm like, wait, I shouldn't be feeling this.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: And uh yeah, it wants to feel it.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: It wants to finally feel it.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so this loop, though, will keep playing through when you don't actually give it the chance to speak.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: And what I mean is that I'm actually not present in an experience if I feel that come up and I suppress it.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: Or if I actually am not feeling that in an experience, but now I'm safe enough to do it, to actually be in that opportunity, it could come up.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: And now it gives the body what I call this opportunity to not actually keep looping through this suppression.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now it actually plays out, and then it recognizes that the safety that is coming through is giving it the invitation and that it's finally acceptable to be in it.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: And that to me has been this key point of just letting ourselves be whatever it is as it comes up.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I've learned this is transferable in all areas of life.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: You just allow what's coming through.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it and I find the emotions now don't last for hours and days and months.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: I actually I actually move through as it comes up and it moves through, and it might just be 30 seconds.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: So allowing yourself to really sit with this uncomfortableness is really big.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: This is huge.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now you've gone through your pleasure mapping, you see what's there, you you know what feels good.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: The invitation is to, when you have a partner, you know, if that's something that you want, or if you have a partner, experience that together.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: I say, even go through that, see what it even feels like to have a partner move through that pleasure mapping with you, where they're they're the ones who are touching.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: So now you know there might be some uncomfortableness around certain areas, and you expressed that before.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: But maybe you in this experience you want to move through it.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe you may feel the uncomfortableness, maybe you feel a little bit triggered, but they they're aware and you go really slow.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: And what you can do is actually create a new experience and your your safety, you've already been cultivating that on your own.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now, when you get with a partner, it just becomes easier.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean that it's easy, but it becomes easier because you've already cultivated that safety within.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: And safety only comes in through your own self.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: Someone else can mirror that and they can inspire a container that mirrors that.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: You attracted that safe experience.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: So when you're moving through with a partner, I really invite in the potential for uncomfortableness to come in and for that mapping to take place as well, and allow that being a fun new thing that you get to try and that you get to receive and just receive.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: You just receive.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: And now that you're you may invite someone else in, you may recognize the triggers that you feel in receiving.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: So you may feel extra uncomfortable.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: And not only is it amazing that you get to experience something with someone else, but you actually, through connection with others, you get to embody the truth.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: You get to embody your truth.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: So if you know you're safe and you now have created this safe experience, now something uncomfortable is coming up.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: You're being activated and invited to stay with it and be with it.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I really invite in all emotions.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I I recognize this one time I had, I had for a while, I had a relationship where I was feeling like I was feeling so safe that I felt this sexual experiences wanted to wanted the emotion to flow out, wanted me to cry.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, what?
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna cry like during or after sex.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: No, that is not, that is not a thing.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: And the truth is that when you are so safe, when you feel so safe in your body, you experience all of that.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that may even happen with someone else.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: If anything, if you're feeling safe enough with someone else and yourself, and you've never had emotions flow out before, it's actually an indicator that you're feeling really safe.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: This podcast is sponsored by My Awakening Within.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking for some sort of practice to drop into your pleasure, to reconnect to your body, to start to build and cultivate safety from within, join me on this online self guide.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Journey where you will start to learn breathwork techniques, emotional release practices, and start to build this foundation of safety and security from a place of presence.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: So join me online, myawakeningwithin.com or linked in the show notes.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: And that it's finally time.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's finally time to let the somatic release happen, which are the emotions.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's the emotions just want to move through.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: And there's no attachment to a meaning of them.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you may you may attach a meaning to them, but ultimately the body is like, we've never experienced this much safety.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: So uh we're gonna let it all out.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna let it all out.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: And so I share this because this is not something that I expected, and I didn't know what to do.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I fought it for a little bit.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I'm not gonna, nope, that's not happening.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I just kept I kept moving through this space of no, it's gonna be okay.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I did, I did remember one point in time I had a partner where I really let it move through me.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I ended up crying after we had sex, and it was such a beautiful experience to just be in a space of feeling so safe that that moved through me.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: And and there were points where it felt connected to past experiences, but I just did my best to stay with it, and I shared this because if you are also the partner where this happens or this may happen to where you are experiencing someone cry, it is nothing bad.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: If anything, it's a really good indicator that you're also the safe space and that the emotions don't mean that anything bad happened in that experience.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's just the body wants to do what it wants to do.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: And it could be it's so someone feels so safe that they're so happy and they they cry.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's there's nothing there, or the body may want to shake.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: So the body just may want to just shake it all out.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: I've had some pretty interesting experiences where there's the the pleasures moving through, and sexual energy and this journey of healing with it is inviting in so many possibilities.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's inviting in curiosity and how you move and flow in the world, it's inviting in how you show up in connection and what what your truth is, and being vulnerable.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: I don't look at sex as what's right or wrong for people.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not here to to judge.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like we all do enough of that for ourselves, but I invited invitations on perspective.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: And what is it that is your truth?
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_00: What is your truth?
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: What feels good in your body?
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: And how do you know what to share with even a partner if you don't even know what feels good?
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: I believe that orgasm in our own experience and any of those heightened spaces, that we're actually the driver of that, that I am the driver of my own experience.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I get to cultivate that by knowing that truthfully and letting that expression out and communicate that.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: If I know what I like, but I never say it, and I'm wondering why my sexual experiences don't feel good, the body is communicating and I haven't expressed it.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it's validating this experience within my body that uh it's not safe to receive that pleasure.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll share that pleasure mapping and and understanding the pleasures of the body, all of this is transferable outside of the bedroom.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm if I accept my pleasure and I receive it in the bedroom, I mean that is just infinitely flowing out else out where so if I just pause to do this one thing, I look at all areas of life and and flow with the possibilities there.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I invite in this embodiment experiment.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: I invite you to take time with yourself to understand your body and pleasure and what it likes, what it doesn't, what feels uncomfortable, and and be with it.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: I invite even just 10 minutes after you uh hear this episode or watch this episode, 10 minutes is not a lot to ask, and your body is like I'm here and it and it really is excited for all the things to come out.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: So you take that invitation and just let it be and see where it goes.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then I invite you to do it again and see if there's a difference as well, because I noticed that for me when I first started doing it is very different than when I did it a few times later.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: A lot really moved through me.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I became a new person every time.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I and I had it.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: And ultimately, the big message here is fun.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: This is how we become how we know that we're alive.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: We don't need to become alive, we are alive.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: Are we going to become aware that we are alive?
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: And what does what does that look like?
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_00: So let that simmer.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: Let it be.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, you enjoyed all the juiciness of this episode.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: And you could check out the erotic spirit podcast on all major platforms.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening and tuning in today.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: You can find on all of the social media pages.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: You can tune into erotic spiritpodcast.com to see anything new that's coming up, any new events or invitations coming out.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_00: And thanks for tuning in.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_00: Bye for now.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for hanging with us today.
• 28:52
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