Latest / Dennis Rox: Confessional Self-Improvement & Psychology / 102. Self-Sabotage

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102. Self-Sabotage · Dennis Rox: Confessional Self-Improvement & Psychology

• 0:00
  Eldar: On this week's episode.
• 0:01
  Eldar: So there's no such thing as conscious self sabotage?
• 0:03
  Eldar: No wait, then there's no such thing as self sabotage.
• 0:06
  Anatoliy: Like you, have to be One not aware of what's going on, and you need to be wrong about the situation.
• 0:13
  Eldar: You can dive deeper into your, your past, but again you're going to come to the present and in the present you have to act you need to.
• 0:19
  Mike: I think it's like updating your notes on other people, but it's also updating your notes on yourself.
• 0:24
  Mike: How do I know what questions I need to ask myself to see if I'm ready?
• 0:28
  Mike: What do you have to?
• 0:29
  Anatoliy: offer.
• 0:29
  Anatoliy: I think it's also important to explore your feelings towards rejection, and I think it's important to know why you're being rejected.
• 0:43
  Eldar: We want to discuss self sabotage, right.
• 0:45
  Eldar: Why do we don't want to discuss self sabotage is because we ended on that note from the previous episode when we talked about the different ways of, you know, overcoming certain things Um Leveling up, being conditioning, new, uh good habits, right, and why sometimes we fall into the under the self sabotage thing.
• 1:06
  Eldar: Um, because we're not even used to um New change or good progress for ourselves.
• 1:12
  Eldar: So we almost have to go backwards, or we almost have to remind ourselves that we have to fall off.
• 1:17
  Eldar: And we were thinking like, why does that happen?
• 1:19
  Eldar: Right, a lot of times people go on the journey of self discovery, um self development, and stuff like that.
• 1:26
  Eldar: Um, and it's not just a one-way, uh, slow climb to success.
• 1:31
  Eldar: A lot of times it's slow climb to success and then a rapid drop back down, slow climb, and it's it's like the stock market or a roller coaster, and we wanted to kind of find out why does this happen in the first place?
• 1:42
  Eldar: Why do we have that conditioning that Constantly almost Sucks us back in?
• 1:48
  Eldar: Right, and a lot of times we talked about humility, right, and keeping us humble.
• 1:52
  Eldar: So I think we're trying to tie um self sabotage to almost a level of Reminding us that we need to stay humble and we need to be reminded of being keeping that humility about ourselves.
• 2:05
  Eldar: So Sometimes, self sabotage is that right.
• 2:08
  Eldar: What do you guys think If we're gonna build on that?
• 2:12
  Mike: or I think um the, when we listen to it made me think is there intentional self sabotage and unintentional, or is it just only one kind, or is there both?
• 2:25
  Eldar: It's a good question, right, give me, give me an example of one another.
• 2:29
  Eldar: Well, I think a person who talks bad to himself, uh-huh, doesn't believe in himself.
• 2:31
  Mike: Okay, just like, hey, I don't, I'm not worthy of this, I don't deserve this, and he believes that, yeah, right, and this is the case.
• 2:37
  Mike: So like, say, he actually doesn't deserve or doesn't believe that he's worthy of this Right.
• 2:43
  Mike: And then the person who is Not love has.
• 2:45
  Mike: Might have leveled up Right, but has not.
• 2:49
  Mike: That has not corrupt him, that hey, actually I am deserving of this good stuff, but they keep self sabotaging, okay, totally.
• 2:58
  Eldar: As far as like, what, what, what?
• 2:59
  Anatoliy: what I think about a His question yeah, his mic's question about self sabotage about?
• 3:06
  Eldar: Is it?
• 3:07
  Eldar: Is it always?
• 3:07
  Eldar: Uh?
• 3:07
  Eldar: Is it intentional, right?
• 3:09
  Eldar: Is it consciously intentional or is it just Something that's not, we're really not paying attention to and just happens to us, right yeah?
• 3:23
  Mike: like is yeah, intentional, unintentionally yeah, and intentional or unintentional is defined as like what?
• 3:28
  Anatoliy: well, then there's intentional, like negative self talk, right.
• 3:30
  Mike: People talk bad to themselves, that's intentionally Self sabotaging.
• 3:35
  Mike: That's gonna result in that right so, but when the person is Talking bad about themselves, right?
• 3:40
  Anatoliy: Are they viewing it as like they're doing negative talk or they viewing it as like this is just like how they feel about the situation.
• 3:50
  Mike: I think it could be both being the person could be like yeah, I am being negative towards myself.
• 3:54
  Mike: Yeah, that's a very good question.
• 3:58
  Eldar: That's all he asks.
• 3:58
  Eldar: Yeah, yeah, because I feel like people who do that.
• 4:03
  Anatoliy: In the moment.
• 4:04
  Anatoliy: They probably have reasons as to why they're saying that.
• 4:06
  Anatoliy: Right, yeah, sure, yeah, definitely do have reasons for.
• 4:09
  Mike: What he's asking ultimately, I think, is the person who's doing a self sabotaging?
• 4:13
  Eldar: are they aware that they're doing self sabotaging?
• 4:15
  Eldar: And I think that will answer your question whether or not it's intentional and unintentional, right?
• 4:19
  Eldar: So I'm not sure if it's actually intentional.
• 4:21
  Eldar: When they're doing the self negative talk, for example, right, oh, I don't deserve this, you know, uh, something has to go wrong here.
• 4:27
  Eldar: You know that type of talk, right?
• 4:28
  Eldar: Because I think that, again, this is probably going to go back to Socrates about.
• 4:35
  Eldar: No one knowingly does the wrong thing, especially to themselves, right, um, they justify it as in like you know, if you're doing the set self negative talk about, hey, I don't deserve this.
• 4:48
  Eldar: For example, I don't deserve this, good things that are coming my way, right?
• 4:51
  Eldar: Um, a lot of people do this in relationships, right?
• 4:54
  Eldar: A lot.
• 4:55
  Eldar: You hear this a lot on dating shows and stuff like that, where a girl on the guy might find something good, right, come across a good guy or whatever, but they'll self sabotage and say, oh, like you know, like they'll come up with something Just to kill that good thing, you know, and tell themselves that they're not ready to get scared, you know.
• 5:15
  Eldar: So, um, they have reasons as to why they did what they did.
• 5:21
  Eldar: So I think that, uh, to answer your question, I'm I personally don't think right now that um Unintentional self sabotage maybe doesn't exist.
• 5:36
  Anatoliy: Yeah, I feel like there's always a reason as to why you're saying what you're saying or you're doing what you're doing.
• 5:42
  Anatoliy: Um now, Well, yeah, there's definitely a reason for sure, I don't think you're just doing it just to do it.
• 5:48
  Mike: Yeah, so is the reason because you don't know any better and this is but.
• 5:55
  Mike: But it's the truth, or you don't really better and that's not the truth of the situation.
• 6:00
  Anatoliy: Um, well, I think.
• 6:02
  Anatoliy: I mean, is it the truth of the situation?
• 6:07
  Anatoliy: Um, oh, it's the truth of the situation and it's probably not going to be self sabotage, why not?
• 6:17
  Anatoliy: Well, I mean then, then, like, it's just not like a like, but if you're Definiting it, to me a definition of sabotaging something right is that, like you have something that's like, um, probably going on, like a Positive note, or something that's like going towards, like a completion type of state, and then you have something that's like Positive note or something that's like going towards, like a completion type of state, and then you are doing something to Uh, ruin or destroy that thing.
• 6:45
  Anatoliy: And it's usually when you're talking about self sabotage, right, like you're like.
• 6:52
  Anatoliy: The way I'm understanding it is that, um, you're doing something that's not like the truth of this situation, like or or like the uh, the uh, reality of the situation, to ruin or destroy something that you have positive or like good going.
• 7:08
  Anatoliy: And if that wasn't the case and it wouldn't be as as sabotage, right, it would just be like Just the reality of this situation and you can't.
• 7:18
  Mike: What if the person doesn't see the reality of the situation.
• 7:20
  Mike: What if they're wrong about what they interpreting is actually happening?
• 7:23
  Mike: In what sense are they wrong about?
• 7:25
  Mike: Well, let's say that they're wrong about themselves, like they have this impression that they're a bad person.
• 7:30
  Mike: They're a bad person, they're a shit person, but they're not.
• 7:33
  Mike: Is that possible?
• 7:35
  Anatoliy: Well, I mean they.
• 7:37
  Anatoliy: They would have to have reasons as to why they're a shit or like a bad person.
• 7:42
  Mike: Yeah, but what if they're not guilty of the reasons, but they're still in their head, uh, acting out of like the criminal mindset, like I think?
• 7:50
  Mike: For for me it's, you know, like that's actual question, because that's not so far removed for me, you know, yeah, a lot of time.
• 7:57
  Eldar: I have an example I'll remember, like I'll remember clearly as to how I was self sabotaging myself in the beginning of my relationship with Catherine, because there are certain things that were instilled in me or conditioned in me to believe that I was like Some kind of a cheater or was doing something wrong when I was going out and doing going shopping for groceries, for example.
• 8:14
  Eldar: Right, I would have a ptsd from that and I would try to sabotage the relationship.
• 8:19
  Eldar: Uh, with previous ptsd comments or behaviors where Catherine's like, wait a second, like, why are you saying that?
• 8:25
  Eldar: Why are you doing that?
• 8:26
  Mike: You know but the reality situation was you were not doing anything wrong.
• 8:29
  Mike: I wasn't doing anything wrong but in your head you were correct.
• 8:31
  Mike: So you were wrong about the situation and you were self sabotaging.
• 8:33
  Mike: That's what I mean those situations where you're not like the truth.
• 8:38
  Mike: Right it's.
• 8:39
  Mike: I mean you're not living in with the truth, you're not Lining up with the truth, but you're not a criminal.
• 8:45
  Mike: It's like you're pretending to be a criminal.
• 8:48
  Mike: Well, you're making yourself out to be making yourself out to be a criminal, but you're really not a criminal because of some other history, ptsd right, all those things?
• 8:55
  Mike: That's what I'm saying.
• 8:56
  Mike: Is that intentional, unintentional?
• 8:58
  Anatoliy: I mean it.
• 8:58
  Anatoliy: It just sounds like to me, more of like a, a Punishment for not being conscious of what's going on, which is probably just as bad as criminal behavior.
• 9:13
  Mike: So is that.
• 9:13
  Mike: Is that a form of self sabotage or punishment Sounds like self sabotage.
• 9:16
  Anatoliy: Yeah, like if you're Doing good, for example, right, and that's the reality of the situation, and you think that you're doing something bad, like internally, then you're not like Awake enough or like conscious enough to like see what's what's happening, right, like there has to be some blindness too with that so there's no such thing as conscious self sabotage?
• 9:42
  Eldar: No wait, then there's no such thing as self sabotage then.
• 9:49
  Anatoliy: Well, I mean there's only like Like you have to be One not aware of what's going on and you need to be wrong about the situation.
• 9:59
  Anatoliy: Like those two have to happen, right.
• 10:02
  Eldar: I guess so.
• 10:06
  Anatoliy: Yeah, I mean I, I'm almost viewing like it sounds like self sabotage is like a form of anxiety.
• 10:12
  Eldar: Yeah, you know, like that is not based on something is happening that has no Logic or basis.
• 10:17
  Anatoliy: Surrounded, yeah right and Um.
• 10:25
  Anatoliy: Why does it come about?
• 10:30
  Anatoliy: Well, it comes about because I don't think that you're able to yet live Like like a Conscious reality of what's actually happening.
• 10:39
  Eldar: What purpose does it have?
• 10:43
  Anatoliy: Um, I think it helps you and understand what's actually going on and what's not.
• 10:47
  Anatoliy: How yeah, how does it do that?
• 10:51
  Anatoliy: It does it because, um, through these kinds of behaviors, like you ruin, like your life, you know.
• 11:02
  Anatoliy: So it's like sooner or later.
• 11:04
  Eldar: You're saying that it's gonna click.
• 11:05
  Anatoliy: Well yeah, I mean, it has to.
• 11:06
  Anatoliy: Either um click or you're not conscious or aware enough of what's going on, and you're not gonna get that to begin with.
• 11:13
  Anatoliy: How does it, how is it?
• 11:16
  Mike: decided how long you have to live out that.
• 11:19
  Anatoliy: Well, depends on how much of effort you're willing to put into put it, paying attention to something.
• 11:24
  Anatoliy: If you're Going to be like a go about it in like a low effort form, you're probably going to be more likely to Self sabotage things because you're not going to be able to see the reality of what's going on.
• 11:39
  Anatoliy: And if you're putting in a high effort to To to like a look at things right, then you're probably gonna be less likely to do Sabotage because you're going to be able to see and understand what's going on and you're going to be able to be um conscious about like your, your efforts and like your progress and you're going to be able to live the reality that you've been trying to create this whole time.
• 12:07
  Eldar: So, then, self sabotage is a result of not being able to see things for what they are.
• 12:13
  Anatoliy: Yeah, it's more of like a wake-up call.
• 12:14
  Anatoliy: Like, hey, like you want it to be a good friend.
• 12:17
  Anatoliy: Like, yeah, you want to join or not.
• 12:20
  Anatoliy: Like, like, like, like it's almost like an invitation to the party, right, and you're either going to join it by being awake and understanding what's actually happening, like, look, wait, I did all good things, I didn't do anything bad, right, like I did right by you know these you're not on on Santa's naughty list.
• 12:38
  Mike: Yeah, yeah.
• 12:39
  Mike: How does that, how does that make sense if you're doing all the right things but at the end of the day, you don't recognize that?
• 12:46
  Mike: Is that what it is?
• 12:47
  Mike: Yeah well, yeah.
• 12:50
  Anatoliy: You're not Conscious enough to realize what's actually happening.
• 12:54
  Mike: So like so.
• 12:55
  Mike: So it's you're saying doing the right thing is not enough.
• 12:57
  Mike: Knowing that you're doing the right thing is is also well, yeah, I think yeah.
• 13:02
  Anatoliy: I think it has to do with paying attention to what's going on, knowing why something is happening.
• 13:08
  Anatoliy: Right, like I have conviction, yeah, like people always ask like, hey, like, how do you get to this place?
• 13:14
  Anatoliy: Right.
• 13:14
  Anatoliy: Or like you know if, if you look at it from like I don't know, like a marketing or sales standpoint, right, like, how did you get to getting this Meeting?
• 13:24
  Anatoliy: Well, you know, you know, I see that I can make 12 phone calls.
• 13:27
  Anatoliy: Usually three people pick up.
• 13:29
  Anatoliy: Usually two out of three are are interested.
• 13:32
  Anatoliy: One, one of them is going to be, for example, willing to move forward, and you know that's the formula and it's a very Specific, conscious effort, right.
• 13:41
  Anatoliy: But like, if you just say that, like you booked a deal and you don't know how, yeah, then it's like, what are you actually doing?
• 13:51
  Eldar: You know, yeah, I think it's an important question.
• 13:54
  Eldar: What you asked, mike, I think it's a thing.
• 13:57
  Eldar: It's crucial for you to not only do the right thing, but have conviction behind it and really understand.
• 14:03
  Mike: No, for sure I understand the conviction.
• 14:04
  Mike: I get that.
• 14:05
  Mike: I agree.
• 14:05
  Mike: You have to obviously believe that you're doing the right thing and why you're doing that and stand behind it.
• 14:09
  Mike: Yes, I agree, I agree with that.
• 14:12
  Eldar: But the my question then becomes like when does self sabotage come about or is born?
• 14:18
  Anatoliy: It's, it's born when there is a lack of paying attention.
• 14:24
  Eldar: Okay, so it's almost.
• 14:26
  Anatoliy: It's almost a necessary punishment that you know I'm saying, that's why I said it's a Punishment, it's a self yeah and not paying attention to what's actually going on.
• 14:33
  Anatoliy: Well, we're gonna do is?
• 14:35
  Anatoliy: We're gonna make up a world.
• 14:36
  Anatoliy: Yes, we're like you're gonna be doing good shit, I'm thinking you're doing that.
• 14:41
  Eldar: Yes.
• 14:42
  Mike: Yes like it's just like a high.
• 14:44
  Mike: So this, how does some, how do you?
• 14:45
  Mike: How does that logically make sense, that somebody gets in that kind of situation when they're doing good but they feel bad.
• 14:53
  Eldar: Oh no, I think it makes perfect logical sense here.
• 14:55
  Anatoliy: I'll tell you how.
• 14:57
  Anatoliy: How I think it's like a born right.
• 14:59
  Anatoliy: Like, if you're doing a bunch of things that, for example, are bad, right, you're conditioned to certain actions, your condition to certain reactions, right, like, you have a level of conditioning in you that's unconscious, okay.
• 15:15
  Anatoliy: Then maybe you consciously wake up and you want to make a change, okay, and then you start learning about this kind of stuff.
• 15:24
  Anatoliy: Now, now, I think that in the process of learning this kind of stuff and then applying it they're still In doing that there's probably a form of unconsciousness that still exists, all also in that.
• 15:35
  Anatoliy: So you're almost, like, unconsciously, making a good change and until you connect it to your conscious, where it's just like, like it exists, you're very aware of what's going on and you understand it.
• 15:46
  Anatoliy: Until that kind of breakthrough happens, then it's almost like a test to see if you're paying attention or no.
• 15:55
  Eldar: Wow, it's, it's a.
• 15:56
  Eldar: It serves a very specific and good purpose.
• 15:58
  Anatoliy: Actually, based on what he's saying yeah, it prevents you from from, like making blind change and not understand, like what's actually happening.
• 16:08
  Anatoliy: Yeah, yeah, so yeah, it's super necessary because there there is a particular feeling that we all feel when, like we know we want to change Something or we're doing something wrong.
• 16:19
  Anatoliy: Like you get this feeling of like a Awakeness, that's like a word right, like, yeah, you get a feeling right, but then Realization begin.
• 16:30
  Anatoliy: Yeah, then you begin implementing certain things and maybe you start feeling like the fruits of your labor, but then, through the process, there's probably you know Humility, that that comes in and helps you to like start implementing that and like learning that right, and then what happens?
• 16:47
  Anatoliy: That there's probably that starts fading away and then there's probably a lack of like being humble that comes in and then there's no longer that attention or that like a conscious awareness to to what's going on and then it's almost like a laziness that forms, and then the laziness Says okay, now, it's now, we're gonna infect you.
• 17:11
  Anatoliy: Right now we're gonna, we're gonna allow you to keep doing good, but you're gonna feel like it's bad.
• 17:17
  Anatoliy: Yeah, you know, because you're being lazy by not being aware of what's happening.
• 17:24
  Anatoliy: Yeah so you're getting Punished for that.
• 17:27
  Eldar: Yeah, so the antidote to self sabotage is awareness, right, and the awareness has to stretch long enough for long periods of time.
• 17:37
  Eldar: Right of paying real close attention to what's actually going on For self sabotage, then, not to creep in and then make up stories in your head, right, the bad stories in your head that's been conditioned from previous thing, like you said, and overwhelm you, is to say that you're a bad person.
• 17:53
  Eldar: Are you doing something that's that's wrong?
• 17:57
  Anatoliy: Hmm yeah, cuz, like all I think self sabotage is and like, like.
• 18:00
  Anatoliy: In that way it's like, it's like a, it's a conditioned response.
• 18:04
  Anatoliy: And it's a conditioned response because you're not aware enough of what's going on to break that conditioning and start a new conditioned response.
• 18:13
  Anatoliy: So, like you might be doing a lot of good, but you're still conditioned to think bad automatically.
• 18:22
  Anatoliy: And until you stop being automatic, like in your intentions, and then like in, in, in, in what you're doing, like your intentions, you're going to feel yeah, like you, you're not gonna be able to feel rewarded with, with, like, the change that you're making.
• 18:44
  Eldar: Mike, yeah, I don't know.
• 18:46
  Mike: I make sense.
• 18:50
  Eldar: Yeah, it makes sense.
• 18:50
  Eldar: Did we solve it?
• 18:52
  Eldar: Okay?
• 18:52
  Eldar: So how does?
• 18:53
  Eldar: How does then?
• 18:53
  Eldar: The other side of it looks totally of not self sabotage, but almost self promotion, maybe then right, or Self acknowledgement.
• 19:05
  Eldar: Well then, then that's almost like self love.
• 19:09
  Anatoliy: I mean Like I'm not sure if there's like the opposite of be of, you would probably be like Gaslighting yourself and probably thinking that you're more than what you actually are like that's probably like the very that's arrogance or overconfidence.
• 19:25
  Anatoliy: Yeah, I, yeah, I just think that, like, the answer there is just to be, like, more aware of what's going on and there, like there's no way self sabotage can exist because, like you're, you're a change, like I mean, ideally, if your change is aligned with the truth, mm-hmm, and you're awake enough to understand and live like the truth, mm-hmm, then there's no chance that you can self sabotage.
• 19:49
  Mike: Yeah you know, yeah, all this stuff comes about because we're over.
• 19:53
  Mike: We are always working out of a deficit.
• 19:55
  Mike: We're always coming from bad habits Into good habits.
• 19:59
  Mike: We don't.
• 19:59
  Mike: I guess we don't just start with having good habits.
• 20:02
  Eldar: Yeah.
• 20:03
  Mike: I mean not in everything.
• 20:03
  Mike: Probably, right, I'm sure this is not like in every single thing.
• 20:06
  Mike: You have bad habits.
• 20:07
  Mike: Yeah, they have to do this process.
• 20:09
  Mike: But in those processes where we have lived in an opposite of the truth, not in accordance, you have to go through this process probably.
• 20:17
  Mike: But if you're already doing right of the good, of the jump, you probably wouldn't face this right.
• 20:23
  Eldar: Probably not right.
• 20:24
  Eldar: The way he's, the way he's putting it in, the way I'm understanding it and I'm agreeing with it, is that self sabotage is almost like a reminder or a teacher Right of previous bad habits and previous negative self talk or whatever.
• 20:37
  Eldar: It is.
• 20:37
  Eldar: Mm-hmm, that is telling you like, okay, cool, like, if you're willing not to be in the present moment and understand what's actually happening, I'm gonna show you what, what's not.
• 20:46
  Eldar: You know.
• 20:47
  Eldar: It's like.
• 20:47
  Eldar: It's like literally, like almost maybe instant karma to yourself.
• 20:52
  Eldar: Yeah, you know.
• 20:53
  Eldar: Back to that stuff, that that state you know.
• 20:56
  Eldar: So the only way to get out of that he's saying is that and I agree is that to be present, to be able to be self-aware and be aware of the situation, what's going on, and believe that, otherwise you get sucked back out.
• 21:10
  Anatoliy: No, yeah, it's a response.
• 21:12
  Anatoliy: You're a laziness.
• 21:13
  Eldar: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a very good point.
• 21:17
  Eldar: Okay, wow, that's interesting, mm-hmm.
• 21:22
  Eldar: So does it align with the general Google definition of self-sabotage, or what?
• 21:26
  Eldar: Let's hear it again, because that's not how they define it.
• 21:30
  Eldar: I think Behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates a problems in daily life and interferes with long-standing goals.
• 21:37
  Eldar: The most common self-sabotaging behaviors include procrastination, self-medication with drugs and alcohol.
• 21:42
  Eldar: Okay, yeah, I mean, sure, those are just kind of the results of it, what they're saying, but they're not really diving deep into saying.
• 21:49
  Eldar: Like how?
• 21:49
  Eldar: How is it psychologically?
• 21:51
  Mike: They're not saying much about the psychology about it.
• 21:54
  Eldar: Yeah, oh, the root of it and why this is happening in the first place, and how can we understand that in the way that we don't self-sabotage anymore, don't do this anymore.
• 22:01
  Eldar: All right, okay.
• 22:02
  Eldar: Okay so any questions around this, as anybody doing self-sabotaging right now on anything.
• 22:18
  Mike: Mike, well, yeah, I mean the.
• 22:19
  Mike: I Don't know if it's self-sabotage, but I guess probably it's lack of confidence.
• 22:26
  Eldar: You know okay.
• 22:28
  Mike: Okay, that's, that also is part of it.
• 22:30
  Mike: Mm-hmm, you know, with the girls is like you know yeah.
• 22:33
  Mike: Leveling up rather than that you know yeah the girls that I like used to like, and mm-hmm the relationships that I used to get into.
• 22:43
  Mike: You know, now kind of changing my understanding about what a good relationship is, mm-hmm, and leveling up my own understanding of it, right, yeah, it's probably, yeah, the lack of confidence to like kind of stand on the truth and Know what the truth is and kind of know what I what a good relationship looks like.
• 23:02
  Mike: Probably like things like that more okay.
• 23:05
  Eldar: So you're tying self-sabotage in this, in this instance, to your own self-confidence, right, which is now allowing you to kind of maybe flourish and be your new self in those situations.
• 23:17
  Eldar: Why are you thinking that?
• 23:18
  Eldar: Why are you thinking that's happening Based on what we talked about self-sabotage?
• 23:27
  Mike: I think the identity is not not solidified yet.
• 23:29
  Mike: You know this new kind of thing, and I think the old one is still fresh.
• 23:34
  Mike: So, mm-hmm, it's probably something.
• 23:36
  Mike: There's probably something that I'm not understanding.
• 23:37
  Mike: Still, you know, I Don't know.
• 23:44
  Eldar: How about enough practice?
• 23:44
  Eldar: Hmm, he doesn't have enough practice in the new identity right to be able to go out there, right.
• 23:50
  Eldar: For example, if, if girls and confidence you talking about, you don't have enough Examples to go out there to to practice the new identity, right, the person who actually pays attention, who actually listens, like you said hey, you went on that date and you were able to see things for what they are, right, yeah, sure, you had a gorgeous girl in front of you and you know you wanted to shmadooger.
• 24:09
  Eldar: You know what I mean, but you realize, like you don't want to shmadoog yourself in the process you know, so you were able to see it, I think so.
• 24:16
  Mike: I mean, yeah, it's definitely Like a you know practice for sure, mm-hmm, but um.
• 24:26
  Eldar: It's almost like you almost have to convince yourself that, with more practice, like hey, I got this right.
• 24:30
  Eldar: So that's where you start building confidence, where the realization of, or implementation of, your actual new truth or your new found self is in practice, which you then will witness and say, oh okay, like this is not bad, I got this, like I understand this and more.
• 24:46
  Eldar: As you practice, practice, practice, you start to re-identify yourself and start associating yourself with a new self which is healthier and better versus self sabotaging and not having the confidence to do it In theory, right.
• 24:58
  Mike: I know probably a lot of answers to the questions of what a good relationship is, how it would like to be in a relationship, right, how it would like to be the person to be towards me, things like that.
• 25:06
  Mike: It probably can have a discussion and say those things, but not having the practice to go out there and talk that shit, I guess it doesn't help to solidify it.
• 25:20
  Mike: That's what I know, right, and then to draw confidence from that.
• 25:25
  Eldar: Okay, totally.
• 25:26
  Eldar: Yes, I agree with that.
• 25:28
  Eldar: We identified that sometimes self sabotage is still a close friend of ours, a shadow of ours right Shadow, because it's not real, but it's there, right, and a lot of times it'll play an effect on you.
• 25:41
  Eldar: For example, and Mike's example of self sabotage himself his confidence to be able to approach girls, to talk to them using his new identity.
• 25:49
  Eldar: So my question is to you, because my theory is practice might be able to help with self sabotaging and developing confidence.
• 25:56
  Eldar: My question is can you combat self sabotage and still build confidence and to be able to do it without practice, without going out in the field and actually implementing your new strategies, your new selves, into the real world, into the reality, in order to get a new outcome and then solidify that, hey, I don't have to self sabotage myself anymore, I'm a new person and I see the reality for what it is and I'm okay with extending that into my whole everyday life without self sabotage.
• 26:28
  Anatoliy: And I guess this is with the assumption that self sabotage is happening in this situation.
• 26:32
  Anatoliy: Oh yeah, yeah.
• 26:35
  Eldar: Well, because we have an example, right, we have an example of a person who used to go on dates and for beauty, right, vanity, he fell in love, or he thought he fell in love, or he allowed the girls to then put noodles on his head, as we like to call it.
• 26:51
  Eldar: You know, to lie to him, he was under the impression that he's in a loving relationship, but the girls actually are using it for his money, you know, and it's literally just an exchange of give giving for attention or for time spent or whatever it is.
• 27:08
  Eldar: Now he went on a couple of dates and he kind of saw things for what they are.
• 27:12
  Eldar: He says, all right, because he had girls that were interested, but they were beautiful girls, but he was able to kind of pay attention and is really slowed down and to see what they're actually saying.
• 27:22
  Eldar: Which previous messages he used to do?
• 27:24
  Eldar: Is he used to not see those messages, right?
• 27:26
  Eldar: Okay, he didn't see it.
• 27:28
  Eldar: Now he's able to see it for what it is, okay, and correct his course, correct his course.
• 27:34
  Anatoliy: Okay, so where is their self-sabotage have?
• 27:37
  Eldar: I think in the future encounters right Mike.
• 27:40
  Mike: Well in the future.
• 27:41
  Mike: Self-sabotage prevents me from going out there and pursuing girls.
• 27:45
  Eldar: Yeah, like it's a future thing, right.
• 27:48
  Eldar: A lot of times, self-sabotage lives in the future, right?
• 27:51
  Eldar: It's not in the present moment.
• 27:52
  Eldar: It's like, oh, like you're not good enough.
• 27:55
  Eldar: Yeah.
• 27:56
  Eldar: For what?
• 27:56
  Eldar: What?
• 27:56
  Eldar: Are you talking about?
• 27:57
  Anatoliy: Okay, so what kind of feelings do you have or what kind of thoughts do you experience that prevents you?
• 28:03
  Mike: from.
• 28:04
  Mike: It's not thoughts, it's just a logical shit.
• 28:07
  Mike: It's like an anxiety.
• 28:07
  Mike: It doesn't make any sense.
• 28:09
  Anatoliy: It's not really anything you think?
• 28:10
  Mike: it just frees up.
• 28:11
  Anatoliy: No, I know, but it's still thoughts Like there are still things that like like you have reasons as to why you're doing or not doing what what?
• 28:18
  Anatoliy: What?
• 28:19
  Anatoliy: Whether they're real or make sense or not, like you still have them.
• 28:22
  Anatoliy: I don't know what they are, I can't tell you Right, like if I get anxious, I get a feeling that like something could go bad and I have things in my mind that I think could go bad, for example, or I think are happening, or I create story lines that don't don't exist, but they're still very concise stories, like I could tell you them.
• 28:42
  Anatoliy: So I guess we probably have to start with you telling me what are these story lines that you're creating, or like.
• 28:48
  Eldar: I can tell you if you might doesn't remember.
• 28:50
  Eldar: Yeah, I mean sure.
• 28:51
  Eldar: Yeah, I can share it Okay, he's afraid of rejection.
• 28:54
  Eldar: Yeah, okay, like being rejected and not accepted.
• 28:57
  Eldar: Yeah, and I think that's a story line where it's like what, what you feel like, maybe they going to think something bad of you?
• 29:03
  Eldar: Yeah, right, yeah yeah, rejection, okay and and and is that a not real storyline?
• 29:11
  Anatoliy: I mean, it's a real storyline, yeah, but I'm saying that like are you actually comfortable with like rejection, because like no, I'm not Okay.
• 29:18
  Anatoliy: So then I don't think that that's a an example of self sabotage.
• 29:22
  Anatoliy: Yeah.
• 29:22
  Eldar: Okay.
• 29:24
  Anatoliy: Because I think, like like I, I I I'm definitely not as experienced in rejection as like from like a um dating from, yeah, from like a dating perspective per se, right, but I, I very much understand it from a sales perspective and just in general, like I get rejected every single day.
• 29:41
  Anatoliy: Yeah, actually, every single day.
• 29:43
  Anatoliy: Yeah, maybe on the weekends usually I get what I want, but on the like, during the week, I get rejected every single day.
• 29:50
  Anatoliy: And you could also see people that are more like you know, new in this.
• 29:55
  Anatoliy: For example, like Philip, right, you know, I think he deals with rejection in a different way, like a completely right Like.
• 30:02
  Anatoliy: For me it's like, uh, if rejection is, if there's some rejected rejection, that's warranted.
• 30:09
  Anatoliy: I take it one particular like I like um, it, it makes sense, right.
• 30:15
  Anatoliy: Someone's like I'm looking to, like I don't know, I need a service that will hand deliver each letter one by one, like this is what they need, and you know, and we're like we can't offer that and like, okay, well, things make sense, right, like there's not much to challenge or to argue.
• 30:31
  Anatoliy: Then there could be rejection that like doesn't make sense, right, like someone saying that something is too expensive and they could be right about it, but 99% they're not, because you don't have actual, like a data or actual facts to support what they're saying.
• 30:46
  Anatoliy: That's right, and when I hear that I'm getting rejected, so now, um, the more I get rejected by things that are more and more ridiculous, um, the more pressure I need to apply back right as to like, okay, let's challenge this rejection right and and do that.
• 31:06
  Anatoliy: But, um, what I'm at now is I feel very comfortable like doing that and I experienced it every day, and to me it's like it's a very normal part because, like I already, like I go into the head, like ahead of time, knowing that like hey, I'm dealing with someone most likely that is not going to be as educated as me on the topic that we're discussing.
• 31:27
  Anatoliy: So, um, naturally, the conversation is not going to go like I mean, well, it's going to go a particular way.
• 31:37
  Anatoliy: We're also, sometimes I speak to, like I don't know, say, a director of marketing at a tech company that specializes in, like, key performance indicators of direct mail.
• 31:47
  Anatoliy: This person might have like every number for you, every stat for you.
• 31:50
  Anatoliy: It's going to be a very good conversation.
• 31:53
  Anatoliy: Like we're going to bond, we're going to go back and forth, and I and I already, and I feel that when I'm speaking with somebody who, like knows it on that level, so that also I know, going into it once I start speaking, that like there's a particular outcome that's going to happen here, it's probably not going to lead to rejection, um, so I'm trying to tie everything back together, but I guess, like, yeah, my, my, my main point I'm trying to say is that, at least from a sales perspective, I'm very comfortable with, with, rejection.
• 32:24
  Mike: Are you comfortable in other parts or just sales?
• 32:26
  Mike: Um, because I think there's difference here.
• 32:29
  Mike: You know what's your level of?
• 32:30
  Mike: I guess probably also a question is, what's your level of attachment to that sales versus maybe something you're more attached to, right, but yes, but I think that this example of sales, at least, is a very good example right.
• 32:42
  Eldar: Because, like you said, sales might be one thing, girls might be for you and something else might be for someone else, or whatever, whatever.
• 32:48
  Eldar: But I think he's answering my question with what I said by saying that, hey, look through practice, right, I'm seeing things for what they are more and more.
• 32:57
  Eldar: Therefore, I have more confidence to be able to ask the right questions, to be able to challenge hey, what's your name?
• 33:06
  Mike: You want to go on a date?
• 33:06
  Mike: Like no, no, I'm interested.
• 33:07
  Mike: I'm like, oh, why not?
• 33:08
  Mike: Uh, can I ask you why not?
• 33:10
  Mike: Are you going to have like a back and forth debate right here?
• 33:13
  Eldar: Well, no, at the end of the day, I think part of approaching girls and part of selling yourself.
• 33:20
  Eldar: I think you have to have a debate, because you're selling yourself.
• 33:23
  Eldar: He might be selling a product.
• 33:25
  Eldar: You're selling the product too right, and the product, what you're selling is what?
• 33:30
  Eldar: What you believe, your belief system, your way of life, who you are.
• 33:34
  Eldar: These are your products.
• 33:36
  Eldar: This is, these are your actions, behaviors all the stuff that you have to package in such a way.
• 33:40
  Anatoliy: And and I think it directly correlates on what Mike Mike's asking the same because I do have attachment, but the more experience I get and the longer I do this, I learn when to start attaching myself and when, and it takes now more and more for me to get attached.
• 34:02
  Anatoliy: What I mean by that is that, like, like, the last time I started to get upset was when that lady was saying that, um, like I gave her like a different price and she presented already.
• 34:15
  Anatoliy: And like I have like probably like 20 phone conversations, spend hours with her, you know, speaking about this, and we have probably like 75 emails back and forth.
• 34:27
  Anatoliy: So I feel like I've put a lot of work into, like you know, this big, bigger deal we have.
• 34:33
  Anatoliy: And then, like when I heard what she was saying and what she was doing, like I definitely have a habit of like, um, keeping things to to conversation because I feel like I just prefer them much more, but this time I covered myself via email as well.
• 34:53
  Eldar: You know, finally listen to me.
• 34:54
  Anatoliy: So I had like all bases covered here and I was just met with like ignorance, basically, and lack of like a self accountability.
• 35:02
  Eldar: I actually thought it was a little bit of manipulation.
• 35:05
  Anatoliy: Right, yeah, yeah, or that I just felt that like, like I felt, um, I I did get attached to this situation, but I felt like it was warranted because, like everything was making sense, like there was like uh, that.
• 35:20
  Anatoliy: So, from like, um, a sales standpoint, it it takes, I think, a lot for me to get to the point where I have some level of attachment, and for me, a lot of things need to make sense for me to get a level of attachment Right.
• 35:35
  Anatoliy: Like I understand what buying questions are.
• 35:38
  Anatoliy: I understand what just like perusing and wondering questions are.
• 35:42
  Anatoliy: I understand what early stage questions are.
• 35:45
  Anatoliy: I understand what, like we're at the finish line questions are.
• 35:49
  Anatoliy: Um, I generally understand that, like, if you're asking this question right, there's no way you could still be unsure if you can afford this right, or if you can buy this like cause, like it's, like it's not going to make sense Right, like um, um, right, so, like that.
• 36:06
  Anatoliy: That, to me, is how I build the attachment and I think, from like, a dating perspective, it's the same way.
• 36:11
  Anatoliy: Um, probably the way that you can go go into it is you have no attachment early on, where I think majority of people probably have right, right, right away attachments because they value particular like looks or statuses or like materialistic things.
• 36:27
  Anatoliy: So they right away grown attachment um to it to a point where like they can get like impacted or like hurt, right.
• 36:37
  Anatoliy: But maybe for you from this perspective, is that like you go into it unattached because it takes a lot for you to get attached and for you to get attached it would probably have to be, as they say, on Love Island.
• 36:54
  Anatoliy: Lots of things would need to take your boxes right.
• 36:58
  Anatoliy: Yeah.
• 36:59
  Mike: I understand.
• 36:59
  Mike: But that's sure.
• 37:01
  Mike: But is the saying the rejection is the rejection.
• 37:04
  Mike: The fear of rejection is linked to attachment.
• 37:09
  Anatoliy: So the issue comes with rejection, comes with getting attached sooner than you should be and not like no one's giving you anything, no one's doing anything, you don't owe anything to anybody, nobody owes anything to you.
• 37:23
  Eldar: Why do you fucking care?
• 37:24
  Eldar: Why do you care?
• 37:25
  Eldar: Oh, I think it's a fear thing, but fear because of attached to what A specific outcome being accepted.
• 37:32
  Eldar: It's an outcome, right, name anything that is not an outcome.
• 37:38
  Eldar: You won't be able to no, yeah, so there is attachment to that.
• 37:42
  Mike: So fear of rejection mean what Lack of acceptance Correct?
• 37:47
  Anatoliy: Yeah, and then it's a fear of rejection from who Right?
• 37:50
  Anatoliy: A stranger Like it might be like okay, you're at the gym and someone's acting crazy and then they don't want you to be on their team.
• 37:57
  Anatoliy: You might be like yo, fuck you, who gives a shit right?
• 37:59
  Anatoliy: Or like I don't know whoever right Someone that you don't have those kind of feelings to or those kind of admirations or like or like respect towards right.
• 38:13
  Mike: I see.
• 38:13
  Anatoliy: I see, right, but when you have that, and especially if it's up on a pedestal, those people have the ability to crush you and the more you get attached to something, the more like hurt and pain and like crushing that this person can do to you.
• 38:33
  Anatoliy: Where, like, if you don't have that, there could be no fear of rejection and there could be no pain from the rejection.
• 38:41
  Anatoliy: But I mean, it might make sense.
• 38:43
  Anatoliy: If you get into a relationship, everything is going great.
• 38:46
  Anatoliy: You like the person, they like you, you guys are vibing, and then something happens.
• 38:50
  Anatoliy: Maybe you have some justified fear of like, like fears or just like things you're feeling because certain things have been checked, certain concepts have been covered.
• 39:00
  Anatoliy: Now, like you and this person have like rapport, this is happening.
• 39:04
  Anatoliy: It's more of like justified feelings, right, but before anything, like you don't know anything to anybody, they don't owe it to you.
• 39:12
  Anatoliy: Like there's a lot of qualifications and things that need to be met before you can have any like level of attachment.
• 39:19
  Eldar: And there's a very important point that he says.
• 39:21
  Eldar: An example that he talked about his sales example is this exact thing.
• 39:25
  Eldar: You've built a rapport, you've had many conversations, boxes are ticking, you're holding hands already, you're kissing and the next thing the rug is being pulled from under you.
• 39:35
  Eldar: You're like wait a second, what is happening here?
• 39:37
  Eldar: I thought we were on the same page.
• 39:38
  Anatoliy: Yeah, and that's how I felt in that example is that, like I don't usually get that upset and I got upset because I felt like well, I mean like overall the month has been more dead and like I definitely put in like a good amount of work on this deal and like everything was going great and I literally did everything right.
• 39:59
  Anatoliy: And then here I am, someone's telling me that I like I'm leading in the wrong way or told in the wrong information, when I did and built from a verbal standpoint, but I could tell you all day that I remember what conversations we had, but I have also in writing, in writing, yeah, stand point.
• 40:15
  Anatoliy: So it's like I felt like there wasn't much that I can do to prevent that and because, like I had that feeling, it definitely made me feel bad.
• 40:23
  Anatoliy: Because now, like it feels like what I worked hard towards and what should make sense is being like rude.
• 40:31
  Anatoliy: But if that situation was happening early stages someone's just being ignorant, not wanting to listen, not wanting to have a conversation Like go fuck yourself, like I don't care, I have zero attachment to it, I have no problem picking up the phone.
• 40:45
  Anatoliy: This doesn't make sense.
• 40:46
  Anatoliy: We're not a fit.
• 40:47
  Anatoliy: Next, we're not a fit next.
• 40:49
  Anatoliy: We're not a fit next, like I do not care.
• 40:52
  Anatoliy: So I feel like maybe in your example, it should take you a lot more to care, probably, than it is, though.
• 41:02
  Mike: In the ideal world, sure, minus all the PTSD and stuff that I've been caring for a long time, and that's why I think that.
• 41:08
  Eldar: that's why my question to him was can you overcome this stuff without putting yourself on the field and actually practicing, practicing, practicing, practicing to find out that it is not the rejection that you should be afraid of?
• 41:22
  Mike: But yeah, the rejection, I agree.
• 41:26
  Mike: I think it's the learning to develop, the awareness Probably is important here.
• 41:33
  Mike: To see things for what it is.
• 41:37
  Anatoliy: Yeah, I also feel now like you need to know what you're talking about and you need to be very comfortable explaining yourself.
• 41:45
  Anatoliy: I agree, right, what do you have to?
• 41:47
  Eldar: offer right, like what are you presenting, what is your product, what are your traits, what is your capabilities, what are your potentials?
• 41:54
  Eldar: You know what I mean, and I think that's a sell.
• 41:57
  Eldar: And you see, like you earlier said that, hey, but I'm not gonna like debate them or like convince them.
• 42:04
  Eldar: Watch any Indian movie.
• 42:06
  Eldar: What are they doing?
• 42:09
  Eldar: They're hustling, they're hustling, they're convincing, they're shit out of these girls and I think that is part of love.
• 42:15
  Eldar: And if you remember, even my story, mike.
• 42:18
  Mike: I do remember, yeah.
• 42:19
  Eldar: When I came up to Catherine and I said, hey, would you like to dance?
• 42:21
  Eldar: What did she say?
• 42:22
  Eldar: No, she said no.
• 42:23
  Eldar: I remember.
• 42:25
  Eldar: And then, 10 minutes later, I'm like I'm not taking this.
• 42:28
  Eldar: No, I said no, I debated.
• 42:30
  Eldar: I'm like you sure you know what I mean Like I push myself and I think that's what it's gonna take.
• 42:36
  Eldar: You know what I'm saying?
• 42:39
  Eldar: I think it's almost you have to face fear.
• 42:41
  Eldar: You have to face that fear or you have to face those rejections in order to really say, like, who am I?
• 42:46
  Eldar: And then I presented my case and I say watch, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna break your walls, I'm gonna break your fears and I'm gonna prove you.
• 42:55
  Eldar: You know what I mean.
• 42:56
  Eldar: And that day is when I said what I said oh, you only had a three month relationship.
• 43:01
  Eldar: I'm like we're gonna do 30 years together.
• 43:04
  Eldar: I stood on mine and I'm standing on mine.
• 43:07
  Eldar: You know what I mean.
• 43:08
  Eldar: That's important.
• 43:10
  Eldar: I think that's where, if the person really gets it, they get it and they raise their hand and they wanna sign up for that.
• 43:18
  Eldar: You know what I'm saying.
• 43:20
  Eldar: But if you can't get that yourself yeah, I mean self sabotage then is a, it's a necessary evil.
• 43:28
  Eldar: That shows you that, hey, like you're still not about what you're about.
• 43:38
  Anatoliy: You're, like I feel like in all different aspects of life whether it's like dating or sales or like whatever, right, there's like a level of attraction that happens when somebody knows what they're talking about and they're able to challenge somebody's beliefs in a particular way and they're not only able to just offend them, but then they're able to kind of like ask them questions and explain and like go through the whole process, like when that happens to an individual, and they realize that, like this is what's happening, I think there's probably gonna be a natural level of attraction from them to you, right, if you're able to do that.
• 44:22
  Mike: Yeah, I agree.
• 44:23
  Mike: So what are you guys saying?
• 44:26
  Eldar: I'm not ready.
• 44:26
  Eldar: No, you're saying yourself.
• 44:28
  Eldar: You're not ready.
• 44:29
  Eldar: I'm saying myself.
• 44:30
  Mike: I'm not ready.
• 44:30
  Eldar: Self sabotage might be dictating that you're not ready.
• 44:34
  Mike: How do I check myself if I'm not, if I'm ready?
• 44:36
  Mike: Well, clearly, I'm not right.
• 44:38
  Mike: Well no, I actually-.
• 44:39
  Mike: This is what I'm saying.
• 44:40
  Eldar: Yeah, I mean, like I said, I think that again I don't know a way, like I said, and it totally didn't give me a way, by giving me an example of a way of getting there and that's through practice.
• 44:51
  Eldar: Sure, you know, going out there into the field and selling your product.
• 44:55
  Mike: But how do I ask, how do I know what questions I need to ask myself to see if I'm ready?
• 44:59
  Mike: Right, like part of going out there and testing.
• 45:02
  Mike: You have to have confidence.
• 45:03
  Mike: Probably some you have to have no.
• 45:05
  Mike: Certain answers, certain questions.
• 45:06
  Mike: Right, what do you have to offer?
• 45:08
  Eldar: Yeah, what are you offering?
• 45:10
  Eldar: I think that's a big question.
• 45:12
  Anatoliy: Well, yeah, I think it's both like what do you have to offer, and-.
• 45:16
  Eldar: Why do you stand out?
• 45:17
  Eldar: Why does your product better than somebody else's product?
• 45:21
  Anatoliy: Yeah, I think it's also important to explore your feelings towards rejection and I think it's important to know why you're being rejected.
• 45:30
  Anatoliy: I think that helps you remove the opportunities of self-abotage and then I think it helps you to remove well, I mean, it helps you validate or like prove to yourself whether you actually like understand of, like, what you're talking about or what you're thinking or what you're saying, because it's important, right, like someone tells you, no, you have to know, kind of.
• 45:57
  Anatoliy: I think why, why, not you know what I'm saying.
• 46:03
  Eldar: Mm-hmm.
• 46:05
  Anatoliy: Yeah, so I think there is a debate that needs to be had, you know yeah like, if someone says like no, I don't want to continue talking to you, and it might be like, let's say, the answer is like the way that you look, Okay, so then, like, this person is just like, flat out not attracted to you, right?
• 46:23
  Anatoliy: That could be one thing.
• 46:24
  Anatoliy: A second thing might be that, like they put a lot more importance on like looks and like maybe like materialistic things than they do like more like things on, like the inside or like they don't.
• 46:45
  Anatoliy: They're saying maybe those things on the inside yet, right, so they don't find the importance of like, okay, like you know, looks pretty good.
• 46:54
  Anatoliy: I'm open to having a conversation, right?
• 46:57
  Anatoliy: Like, those are all different, I think, perspectives, right.
• 47:05
  Eldar: And also understanding, like you said, that certain people are just not a fit for your product, that what you're selling is not fit.
• 47:11
  Eldar: If a person's, like very materialistic, and is looking to get Louis bags, you know, and Chanel bags and all this other stuff and you're on a completely different flow, that you're some hiker and loves nature, like hey, like we just don't fit.
• 47:24
  Anatoliy: And for the record, plenty of times do I tell people that they're not a fit and they ask me well, why not?
• 47:31
  Eldar: Yeah, they become right then the chasers.
• 47:34
  Eldar: Yeah, before I know it, which is the-.
• 47:36
  Anatoliy: Now they're asking questions.
• 47:37
  Anatoliy: I'm answering them.
• 47:38
  Anatoliy: We're in conversation.
• 47:40
  Anatoliy: Now.
• 47:41
  Anatoliy: A level of interest sparks and people have bought after I've disqualified them.
• 47:46
  Eldar: Yeah, right Because it's like.
• 47:48
  Anatoliy: it's also like a weird feeling of like if being said that, like yo like not a fit, like it took a blow to the eagle.
• 47:56
  Anatoliy: So now you want to find out why.
• 47:59
  Eldar: No yeah, that I get, I know.
• 48:01
  Eldar: Yeah.
• 48:01
  Eldar: So just because you're approaching girls, just because you want to start a conversation with them, and maybe you have a minute glimpse of attraction in that moment, this does not mean they're going to be a good fit for you or for them.
• 48:15
  Eldar: So you might be also under the impression that there might be a fit right away.
• 48:19
  Eldar: That's again an attachment to an outcome.
• 48:21
  Eldar: Right, that can be in your head too, like, oh shit, and you've told me this before you like Eldar, like I'm already marrying this girl.
• 48:27
  Eldar: You know what I mean.
• 48:28
  Eldar: I'm like what are you talking about?
• 48:29
  Mike: Like go say a compliment when the shit goes crazy.
• 48:31
  Mike: Yeah, that's how it feels.
• 48:32
  Mike: Yeah, you see, that's another thing that I remembered yeah.
• 48:36
  Anatoliy: Yeah, I feel like it's also like the rejection side probably has.
• 48:41
  Anatoliy: I think it's probably closely knit with you being, for example, like a sensitive right, like I feel like those two things are probably more hand in hand and I think those things naturally don't like, don't do well with rejection.
• 48:56
  Eldar: Yeah.
• 48:57
  Anatoliy: Right.
• 48:57
  Anatoliy: So you probably take rejection very poorly.
• 49:01
  Anatoliy: So because of that, you feel like you need to attach yourself a lot right away and then do particular things that you don't get in a position to be rejected, versus like feeling like, hey, it's perfectly fine if this is not a fit, like you don't care one way or another.
• 49:19
  Anatoliy: Mm-hmm, you know.
• 49:24
  Eldar: So, mike, anything else, that we didn't turn any other stone that we didn't turn for you, and then your self-sabotage and your example it's a good one, it's a good one yeah.
• 49:38
  Eldar: It's a good one because I know you.
• 49:39
  Eldar: You know, a lot of times you think about this.
• 49:41
  Eldar: Mm-hmm.
• 49:41
  Eldar: You know what I mean.
• 49:42
  Eldar: Yeah, that's, I think, holding you back from flourishing.
• 49:44
  Eldar: Yeah, you know what I mean and really experiencing life in a different light.
• 49:48
  Eldar: Mm-hmm.
• 49:49
  Eldar: You know what I mean, but I think when you do you'll see that you have so too much fun.
• 49:55
  Eldar: Mm-hmm.
• 49:56
  Eldar: You know what I mean, what is your newfound self?
• 49:59
  Eldar: So, but the breakthrough has to be the breakthrough, yeah.
• 50:05
  Mike: Oh yeah, I definitely agree.
• 50:07
  Mike: I agree, maybe I maybe I feel like I'm not ready to answer those certain questions, or maybe I don't know what the questions are and therefore I don't know the answers.
• 50:15
  Mike: You know, maybe that's something I need to think about and then I can probably I'm assuming I'd be able to draw confidence from that, knowing that I'm kind of more like.
• 50:24
  Mike: I guess, like we were saying earlier, just because you know the truth but you don't actually tell yourself, hey, I actually know the truth and you're doing it, doing the truth, living in accordance to truth, those are two separate things.
• 50:34
  Mike: I may know the answers, but if I don't consciously say it to myself and like, hey, this is who I am, this is what I'm about, it's what I have to offer, yeah, this is what I believe in, yeah, I think I thought about it, but just like just trying to live it out at something, to do the best they can, but not really thinking about it, like you know, because what giving yourself credit for it is that what it is Like?
• 51:01
  Eldar: I think more so maybe acknowledging that hey, like you know, there was progress.
• 51:05
  Eldar: I think this happens a lot on therapy sessions, like even Catherine mentioned it right when a lot of times she'll still have that negative self-talk as she explains certain things Like, hey, look like, let's look back and where have you gone?
• 51:17
  Eldar: What progress have you made?
• 51:19
  Eldar: Right, and just go through those steps of like what have, where you've been with this, where you've been with that, where are you now?
• 51:25
  Eldar: And then when you start to remember like oh, wow, like, yeah, I did change, I changed here, I changed there, I do this differently, I do this differently, you start to realize, like wait a second, I am a changed person.
• 51:35
  Eldar: Like what am I talking about?
• 51:37
  Eldar: You know what I mean?
• 51:37
  Eldar: It's almost acknowledging yourself to yourself.
• 51:39
  Eldar: Yeah, yeah, I think that's a big part.
• 51:41
  Eldar: I'm not saying believing in quote unquote but more so acknowledging the truth, for the truth that it is.
• 51:48
  Eldar: Yeah, I think that's, that's probably a big part of it.
• 51:51
  Eldar: Yeah, so are you going to say something?
• 51:54
  Anatoliy: Yeah, yeah, I'm thinking about it more and more and I feel like, for example, from Mike and all different aspects, I feel like he has a hard time with with losing rejection, you know, like losing in basketball or losing in like like he had his own stories with like a tennis, I guess, when you were younger, right, like with different examples.
• 52:13
  Anatoliy: I feel like that that's probably a huge thing to probably explore because, like, it's not always hand in hand but, for example, like there's definitely a known stigma that, for example, like people who are recruiting people on sales, like they like athletes, like, like athletes who are from, like who played college sports, for example, why?
• 52:35
  Anatoliy: Because there's competition, right, there might be desires to win or to do well, there also is familiarity with losing, which, if you play a sport you get familiar with losing.
• 52:48
  Eldar: You're accustomed to it.
• 52:49
  Anatoliy: Yeah, you understand what it's like you understand, like what's going on, and oftentimes they'll say that they look for people who are athletes and like they might.
• 52:58
  Anatoliy: Again, it's definitely not all, but they might have tendencies to be better at sales.
• 53:03
  Anatoliy: Okay, right, yeah.
• 53:06
  Anatoliy: With those things where you have those, yeah, yeah where you have those close knit comparisons and like, yeah, like, as I'm thinking about it now, I feel like you have poor relationships in general, with losing and with like, maybe things not going your way and that might be standing in front of, like, what's actually happening.
• 53:25
  Anatoliy: It's a good point.
• 53:27
  Anatoliy: Or like what you actually want, you know.
• 53:33
  Eldar: Again you can dive deeper into your past.
• 53:36
  Eldar: You know what I'm saying.
• 53:37
  Eldar: But again you're going to come to the present and in the present you have to act.
• 53:41
  Eldar: Oh yeah of course Right and you need to.
• 53:45
  Mike: But I think it's.
• 53:46
  Mike: I think maybe, like we're talking about this in a different context, but updating your notes on other people, but it's also updating your notes on yourself.
• 53:54
  Eldar: Definitely.
• 53:55
  Mike: And I think I'm not sure if I've done that in the areas right when I have improved my life, and you know, it may change yeah.
• 54:05
  Eldar: So I think that's big.
• 54:07
  Anatoliy: But the feel is probably like with what practicing or testing does is I think that it will tell you whether you actually like understand or believe in what you're thinking or saying in the more of like a forceful way.
• 54:26
  Mike: Oh yeah, it solidifies the thing or discredits the thing Discredits it.
• 54:30
  Anatoliy: Yeah, you're going to know one way or another.
• 54:32
  Mike: Like the other but yeah, but I think it's.
• 54:34
  Eldar: You're going to stand on it, mm-hmm.
• 54:35
  Mike: Or not.
• 54:36
  Mike: I'm not going to be thinking, going into it not prepared or not really seeing things for what they are, like you guys saying awareness If I'm not aware of, hey, I'm no longer that person, I'm not behaving that way, going into it thinking that I'm still in that way that that's going to be like detrimental to success here.
• 54:51
  Mike: I'm probably not going to.
• 54:54
  Eldar: No, you see, I'm not sure, mike.
• 54:55
  Eldar: No, I'm not sure, because I'm really not sure about that.
• 54:58
  Eldar: I'm not sure that your incorrect perception of yourself, incorrect perception if it's incorrect, we're assuming here If your incorrect perception of yourself will trump the reality of your character I don't think it does.
• 55:18
  Eldar: You just need to give yourself a chance and the other person that needs to give yourself, give you a chance to show that Right.
• 55:25
  Eldar: And I think if you could show your character, your fear should not stand a chance here, no chance.
• 55:32
  Eldar: If that's true, I think your character will outshine your fears and your doubts and all this other stuff where that will fall back Probably with more practice, though 100%, 100%, 100%, 100%, 100%, 100%, 100%, 100%, 100%, 100%, 100%, 100%, 100%, 100%, 100%, 100%, 100%, 100%, 100%, 100%.
• 56:04
  Eldar: Off you go and I noticed the high level وال All iniscernible Authentic that it's a completely different story, because when you play rock.
• 56:16
  Anatoliy: There's just so much related to writing.
• 56:18
  Eldar: For example, I do my lines of drama.
• 56:19
  Eldar: That's something in a specific way and you can't challenge your back right.
• 56:24
  Eldar: Or you do challenge your back and you start seeing that you get into a fight faster and you get to the bottom of things faster.
• 56:30
  Eldar: That's an example of your character shining through and finally, hey, I'm not laying down here, this is who I am and this is how it's gonna be.
• 56:38
  Eldar: You know what I mean, mm-hmm, that will show that you have a mind, you have a reason and you have a voice.
• 56:46
  Eldar: You know what I mean, that's what I'm saying, and I think you've displayed that already a couple of times, not a lot, but you've displayed this on.
• 56:54
  Mike: I mean with the limited girls that I did in track with, because we realized that we're not a good fit.
• 56:59
  Mike: That's right, that was very quick.
• 57:00
  Eldar: That's right.
• 57:01
  Eldar: Somebody didn't understand your humor or somebody didn't understand your joke right?
• 57:05
  Eldar: Same thing.
• 57:07
  Eldar: Or somebody didn't understand your challenge right, they took it for a bullying or something like that.
• 57:13
  Eldar: Right, that's clearly is a suggestion to you that this person's not a fit.
• 57:17
  Mike: Mm-hmm.
• 57:18
  Mike: Yeah, no, that's fine, that is understandable, I think.
• 57:22
  Mike: But yeah, I mean, it's definitely you know what I'm saying.
• 57:25
  Eldar: So what I'm saying is that, ultimately, I think your character will outshine your fears, your previous self-fierce, doubts and self-sabotaging and all this other crap.
• 57:34
  Eldar: You know what I mean, but you need to give yourself a chance.
• 57:36
  Eldar: If you don't give yourself a chance, you only live in the supernatural or metaphysical.
• 57:42
  Eldar: Mm-hmm.
• 57:44
  Eldar: Yeah, you know what I mean, mm-hmm.
• 57:46
  Eldar: I think the whole point and goal in life right, mm-hmm, and the good life and happiness is to be able to discover objective truths, align up with those and then put them into practice in real world, mm-hmm.
• 57:59
  Eldar: And when you put them into the real world, you reap the benefits of that, and that's happiness, I think.
• 58:04
  Eldar: Yeah.
• 58:05
  Eldar: If they align with the truth.
• 58:07
  Eldar: If they don't, then it gigs up.
• 58:09
  Eldar: Right.
• 58:16
  Anatoliy: Yeah, yeah.
• 58:16
  Eldar: So I think anxieties like you said I think self-sabotaging is a form of anxiety.
• 58:23
  Eldar: I agree with him, mm-hmm you know what I mean, it's some kind of conundrum that you made up, a story that you made up right.
• 58:27
  Eldar: It could be potentially true or not right, mm-hmm, but it holds you away from you know, living the present moment, and I see in things for what they are, which anxiety does really well.
• 58:38
  Eldar: Mm-hmm, it's a sort of a type of anxiety.
• 58:40
  Eldar: It's a branch of it, for sure.
• 58:41
  Eldar: So do we fuck up self-sabotage or what?
• 58:44
  Eldar: Mm-hmm, totally, you have anything on it.
• 58:51
  Eldar: Yeah, no, I think we did.
• 58:52
  Eldar: No, no yeah.
• 58:53
  Eldar: I think we did a good job, yeah, any final thoughts on it.
• 58:57
  Anatoliy: Well, the question was is it there to keep?
• 59:02
  Eldar: us humble right that was the Okay yeah, okay, okay, that's it, that's it.
• 59:07
  Mike: So I think we should go back to the question.
• 59:08
  Mike: Based on the way I'm hearing it now.
• 59:12
  Mike: I think it probably is a mechanism, probably for us not to get too ahead of ourselves, you know, like not to get too arrogant.
• 59:21
  Mike: So you're saying that it almost keeps a balance.
• 59:24
  Mike: If you're coming from a place, right from a place, and you have to change things by yourself, then it'll longer be that right, like you were living doing bad things or living a bad quality of life, dishonest, whatever.
• 59:38
  Mike: If you're now coming into the living in accordance with the truth, it's unlikely that you solved all of those areas where you need to work on Right away.
• 59:47
  Mike: Yeah, right, so you work on, let's say, one out of 100 things you need to fix in your life.
• 59:51
  Mike: You worked on one, but that will tell you like yo, you still need to do those other 99, you know, or whatever it is.
• 59:57
  Mike: I think, yeah, I think it's built to keep you humble, you know, and I think because we're living in a place where you don't have to be too selfish and I think one thing that you say is like you don't some things you can't answer yourself.
• 1:00:12
  Mike: I think some things other people have to say about you, that way you don't get too arrogant and you don't feel like too egotistical, yeah, and I think this is part of that kind of that whole balance thing where you have to stay humble.
• 1:00:29
  Mike: You know could get big.
• 1:00:36
  Eldar: Yeah, what do you think about that, toly?
• 1:00:37
  Eldar: That self sabotage is also linked closer to humility?
• 1:00:42
  Anatoliy: So I don't know if it's designed to help keep you humble.
• 1:00:45
  Anatoliy: I feel like to me it's more designed to keep you present and to yeah.
• 1:01:01
  Anatoliy: And yeah, for you to maybe pay attention more and to I mean, I think ultimately it gives you the opportunity to take action, you know, or it prevents you from taking action, completely right.
• 1:01:21
  Anatoliy: So it's like I feel like it has more to do with paying attention to the changes that you're making, paying attention to what you're doing and being present and just being like awake to just everyday moments, you know, and if you're not, you're going to be more and more likely to practice self-sabotage the less and less that you pay attention, because I don't see how it's possible to be present and to be awake and to pay attention and to self-sabotage.
• 1:02:03
  Anatoliy: Yeah, because then you would have to be conscious and awake about things that don't make sense and do them still.
• 1:02:09
  Eldar: We can't do things at the same time.
• 1:02:11
  Eldar: Impossible, yeah, it's impossible.
• 1:02:12
  Anatoliy: Yeah, those things only exist when you don't have.
• 1:02:14
  Anatoliy: Yeah.
• 1:02:15
  Anatoliy: Yeah, when you're not knowing what's going on, when you know what's going on, there's no self-sabotage that can exist, Because you know what's going on, like you're connected to what's going on, you understand what's going on like you're checking all the boxes there.
• 1:02:32
  Anatoliy: You cannot think any other way.
• 1:02:35
  Eldar: Yeah, it's impossible, you know, but I think the effects of self-sabotaging and the results of it can be linked to keeping you humble, for sure.
• 1:02:44
  Mike: Well, I think also part of being in the moment, maybe there's humility in that too.
• 1:02:48
  Mike: A lot of times our ego wants to think about the future, the head or the past Right or the past.
• 1:02:53
  Mike: Yeah, and I think part of being humble is knowing that this moment is this moment and we can only control how it happens here.
• 1:02:59
  Mike: Instead of our ego, a lot of times it wants to live like in the future or in the past.
• 1:03:04
  Mike: So I think humility maybe has some kind of link with the awareness of this current and the present moment too.
• 1:03:12
  Mike: This is my like thing.
• 1:03:15
  Mike: I don't know.
• 1:03:15
  Mike: Yeah.
• 1:03:17
  Mike: I think obviously it's not the over, it's not the major part of it, but I think there's some there in it too.
• 1:03:21
  Mike: Okay.
• 1:03:27
  Eldar: So any final thoughts on self-sabotage?
• 1:03:30
  Eldar: Totally no.
• 1:03:32
  Eldar: No, okay, I'll say it.
• 1:03:35
  Eldar: I guess At least what I've learned, or what I've didn't think about self-sabotage before, is that self-sabotage is a sort of a servant.
• 1:03:45
  Eldar: It's a good servant that serves as a reminder of who you used to be, who you are now and how to properly navigate those two.
• 1:03:57
  Eldar: And if you're not doing the right thing, like Toli said, not seeing things for what they are right and acknowledging what is right, a form of self-sabotage will visit you, form of anxiety or something right, and will distract you from that.
• 1:04:15
  Eldar: So the best thing you can do is to acknowledge that.
• 1:04:19
  Eldar: Listen, if I used to do this, like you said, right Is to probably acknowledge the present moment and acknowledge that which is right.
• 1:04:31
  Eldar: Almost have like maybe a mantra, even right, or some people write in journals and stuff like that.
• 1:04:38
  Mike: What you're saying made me think about cats, as it's been saying this a lot about gratitude, yeah.
• 1:04:43
  Eldar: That's where I was going.
• 1:04:43
  Eldar: Yeah, that's where you're going.
• 1:04:44
  Eldar: Yeah, that's where I was going.
• 1:04:45
  Eldar: Yeah, like you know, people journaling and kind of writing out stuff, what's actually is right now, right, like I said, to acknowledge your journey, your self-development, and see it for what it is, versus constantly having a negative self-talk, right From preconditioned things that you used to do, like you said, the criminal behavior that you used to go against yourself, right?
• 1:05:04
  Eldar: So self-sabotage is that servant, as a reminder.
• 1:05:09
  Eldar: So if you're self-sabotaging, right, you don't know why this is happening to you.
• 1:05:14
  Eldar: I think that, in a good way to look at it is to see it as a humble servant to you, that it's going to be a reminder there for you to see things for what they are.
• 1:05:23
  Eldar: And if you're not, it's going to be right.
• 1:05:26
  Eldar: There is, like your shadow.
• 1:05:27
  Eldar: You know what I mean that you're going to acknowledge more and you're going to start paying attention to the shadow, right, versus paying attention to what actually is, you know.
• 1:05:35
  Eldar: So yeah.
• 1:05:37
  Eldar: I think flip it on.
• 1:05:38
  Eldar: To flip it.
• 1:05:39
  Eldar: My advice is to flip it on to be a service to you.
• 1:05:42
  Eldar: You know what I mean and keep that in mind.
• 1:05:44
  Eldar: That the reason why you're experiencing what you're experiencing, right, it's because you're having a hard time seeing things for what they are.
• 1:05:52
  Mike: Well, I think that's that's that's where the ego lies is like, hey, you're not grateful.
• 1:05:57
  Mike: What you have you thinking of, like, well, I did all this, but hey, I'm not there yet with maybe you know other things that I've made up in my head, or somebody made up in their head like, hey, I want a bigger house, I want a better car, I want this, I want that, I want more money.
• 1:06:11
  Mike: Right, you're not humble enough to focus and be grateful enough to say, hey, I already have so much, I already came from so far.
• 1:06:18
  Mike: Like I should be thankful here instead of thinking of what I haven't achieved and judging yourself for what you haven't achieved.
• 1:06:24
  Mike: Yeah, but, kind of like being grateful for the things you have changed.
• 1:06:28
  Eldar: Yeah, that's very interesting.
• 1:06:29
  Eldar: Again, you know, knowing this right and understanding in such a such, a such a way, right now it looks like a good thing, it feels like a good thing Like, hey, look like our ego can get inflated, right, our ignorance can get inflated, but self sabotage is a bit, it'll be right there, or some other form of self negative stuff that we do to ourselves, right, I think, comes to mind, but self sabotage, that's going to be right there to remind us, as a reminder to like hey, you have to see things for what they are.
• 1:07:03
  Eldar: This is like a call to action almost to.
• 1:07:06
  Eldar: If not, then you're not going to see it and then you're going to struggle and suffer more, which is probably necessary for you.
• 1:07:12
  Eldar: So it's like great teacher.
• 1:07:14
  Eldar: So that's how I see this.
• 1:07:16
  Eldar: Those are my final thoughts on self sabotage.
• 1:07:18
  Eldar: All right, yeah, anything else?
• 1:07:21
  Eldar: Any questions for next week based on this?
• 1:07:25
  Mike: Oh, I mean, I don't know about next week, but obviously what I'm thinking about is like the questions to ask myself about now, what we had discovered right, what are the things I guess to be acknowledged right and the improvements or the quality of the life, but also to inspect those things that are those fears that I may have of inadequacy right, for example, yeah right.
• 1:07:49
  Mike: So I'm going to go and I'm thinking about that now.
• 1:07:51
  Mike: But, there's not to be a topic, but just something that's like.
• 1:07:53
  Mike: You know, I'm sharing what came to, what came to mind.
• 1:07:55
  Eldar: Yeah, you're almost asking for looking for maybe next steps of how to bridge the gap.
• 1:07:59
  Eldar: Maybe get excited about your next journey and your steps in order to leave that behind and start a new, new thing.
• 1:08:05
  Eldar: Right, that's natural, Well.
• 1:08:08
  Mike: I can give an example like right, like this there's a huge thing that's.
• 1:08:11
  Mike: I think it's big, but I didn't know for a while how to answer this question.
• 1:08:17
  Mike: Right, this situation that I live with my parents, that we live together, whatever this like situation is right, yeah, and I didn't know how to answer it.
• 1:08:24
  Mike: Honestly, right, I wasn't able to like really, or you mean when somebody asks yeah, like it's a very difficult.
• 1:08:32
  Mike: It was a very difficult kind of subject for me, like a tricky one, but I never, like, never like, had a good answer right about it.
• 1:08:45
  Mike: Not just for myself, which is number one, but if somebody were to ask me, it will be like a not a pleasant thing.
• 1:08:52
  Mike: So I think fit for me figuring out those things that are like, as I think about it more I don't think like it's not a huge thing, right?
• 1:09:00
  Mike: Like I've made mistakes and I wouldn't even call it a mistake.
• 1:09:03
  Mike: Like I made certain choices in my life.
• 1:09:05
  Mike: They didn't go the way I planned, those were what I could do, but now I'm working on something actively to like improve that situation, right.
• 1:09:12
  Anatoliy: Yeah, I feel like, yeah, you see what, what I think you're saying now is very important Because, like, like he's saying, for example, this is a huge thing for him, right it like an actuality.
• 1:09:23
  Anatoliy: The reality situation is that it I mean, it's actually a small thing, right, yeah, in comparison to like Mike's character and what he has to offer and like who he is right, like, but it's a big thing in the sense that, like, this thing could mush just every conversation period going forward, right, and I guess if you want to like, let's say, shoot it back to sales.
• 1:09:44
  Anatoliy: It's like if someone asks you a question, the worst thing is a sales rep is not knowing, because then when you don't know the answer to something that you, I guess you kind of should yes, right, it's guanthers.
• 1:09:55
  Mike: you and you freeze up.
• 1:09:56
  Mike: Well, I think that's what that's what I'm talking about.
• 1:09:58
  Mike: Yeah, I have a certain questions that are open, obviously those that's one that came about.
• 1:10:03
  Mike: Yeah, that is not answered and that is 100% taken away from my confidence, because I know in my head not prepared.
• 1:10:09
  Mike: And, yes, I agree that might be not important.
• 1:10:12
  Mike: And I agree it's not that important because, yeah, I mean I live here.
• 1:10:15
  Mike: I mean, like the way I live it's very good, I'm very happy with it.
• 1:10:18
  Mike: You know, I don't have any complaints.
• 1:10:20
  Mike: I have good relations with the people in me, in my house.
• 1:10:23
  Mike: I like to come there every day.
• 1:10:23
  Mike: I'm like y'all don't want to be here but like at one point it was a huge thing.
• 1:10:28
  Mike: It was very controversial, like a very difficult, sensitive subject for me and I didn't have the answers.
• 1:10:32
  Mike: But I'm sure there's other things where I'm judging myself right.
• 1:10:35
  Anatoliy: But do you feel like you have the answer now, that you're comfortable with that?
• 1:10:38
  Anatoliy: Now, yeah, I'm more comfortable with it now.
• 1:10:40
  Mike: But I mean, I think there's more to explore in that.
• 1:10:43
  Mike: Yeah, you know.
• 1:10:44
  Mike: But yes, that is one of those things that that bothered me for a while.
• 1:10:47
  Mike: The weight was a thing that bothered me for a while.
• 1:10:50
  Mike: Right, you know, like I don't know what else.
• 1:10:54
  Anatoliy: Yeah, because I feel like like, if you are a particular like a character, right, and you have particular things to offer and then different things like this again, the way I almost feel that like they still do do bother you, is how I feel like about it, right, but I mean they do bother me, yeah, but I think they are supposed to bother me.
• 1:11:21
  Mike: And because I made, I made certain choices.
• 1:11:23
  Mike: Right, if I forget about the mistakes that I made, yeah, but see, if I just block it out of my memory or like no, no, no, no.
• 1:11:31
  Anatoliy: That's not what I'm talking about.
• 1:11:33
  Anatoliy: I think like you could be bothered about the own decisions that you made, but there is, I think, a different level of of of botherness of how other people perceive it.
• 1:11:41
  Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah for sure, right.
• 1:11:44
  Anatoliy: Like, for example, like I mean, I'm on the chair of like this is a good one, but like I guess like a fun, like like if you're talking about like taking it a different route completely or like diffusing it completely, like if someone like if he said that, someone said that and he would say, well, let's just say I bought a Lambo Right Now.
• 1:12:05
  Anatoliy: It's like there's like intrigue right now.
• 1:12:07
  Anatoliy: Right, and that could be like a very easy, for example, like a diffuser, right.
• 1:12:12
  Eldar: Well, yeah, like I have a thousand things that we can say around that topic.
• 1:12:16
  Anatoliy: Yeah, like there's a bunch of those, yeah, but but again, you as like someone that's going out and dating, or you as a salesperson.
• 1:12:23
  Anatoliy: If you don't have like for me, at least like these things are all on the barrel like this, like they're a snap of the fingers.
• 1:12:29
  Anatoliy: I don't even think about your rebuttals are already there.
• 1:12:32
  Anatoliy: I'm coming in with like every gun that's ever been manufactured and the person I'm speaking to most of the time has like a water gun Right, that's like half filled, that can right.
• 1:12:45
  Anatoliy: So the way like I feel about it is that like like it's not about like those things probably should, should bother you or like could bother you about like what you did personally and how you feel about them.
• 1:12:59
  Anatoliy: But I think it's a different ball game completely when you get bothered of how other people judge you for them.
• 1:13:05
  Mike: Well, that's a good topic for next week, yeah.
• 1:13:07
  Mike: Yeah, people using kind of like you know, yeah.
• 1:13:12
  Anatoliy: Yeah, and then like then I would argue, more is that you get bothered more of how like others judge you about that situation and perceive you than what you actually did.
• 1:13:23
  Mike: Like, yeah, that's a big part for sure for me yeah your life and that will most everything again.
• 1:13:27
  Anatoliy: Yeah, like I said, the worst situation and this is how I felt early on someone would ask me something, someone who I felt of importance.
• 1:13:36
  Anatoliy: That was a big factor, right, because I had an attachment to speaking with somebody with a title and what their position in the world is right and how other people view them and how I should be viewing them Right, and they were to say something I don't know.
• 1:13:50
  Anatoliy: So I definitely had times where I just probably hung up the phone on some people because I'm, like you know, this is so uncomfortable, like I don't know what to say, like I'm bad.
• 1:13:58
  Anatoliy: Yeah, I got to end this.
• 1:13:59
  Anatoliy: Yeah.
• 1:13:59
  Eldar: Right, but when you go?
• 1:14:03
  Anatoliy: into it with like a full arsenal full of everything, like you're like 20 steps ahead of anybody.
• 1:14:09
  Anatoliy: That's like talking to you.
• 1:14:11
  Eldar: So there's nothing that anybody could say that could like rattle you or make you feel any type of way which, when that happens, you can't form any like levels of attachment, and the person like yourself who's supposed to have or at least have you as having a gift of gab for you not to think over bottles for shit like this is, is just showing that you have negative self talk.
• 1:14:34
  Eldar: You have self punishment.
• 1:14:36
  Mike: Correct, yeah, and I think it's important to uncover those things so that I can accept myself for those mistakes that I made I don't know if I accept the story word, but acknowledge that I made those mistakes right and say, hey, like I did, that I'm not doing anymore.
• 1:14:52
  Mike: Like how long am I going to keep punishing myself for this Right?
• 1:14:56
  Eldar: But what are you hiding from yourself?
• 1:14:57
  Eldar: What are you hiding inside, internally yourself?
• 1:14:59
  Eldar: That is like killing you, that is that's holding you back, that self sabotaging you.
• 1:15:05
  Eldar: What are those things?
• 1:15:06
  Eldar: Like you said, these are the conversations that you've not uncovered or didn't understand properly.
• 1:15:10
  Eldar: Like even the way you're saying you're like hey, like the reason why right Like this is to me isn't correct.
• 1:15:15
  Eldar: The reason why I'm with my parents is still living with them is because I made certain mistakes.
• 1:15:20
  Eldar: To me, it's like yeah, sure, that might be true, but I personally think this is the best thing that happened to you.
• 1:15:27
  Eldar: Yeah, Right.
• 1:15:28
  Eldar: Yeah, the reason, and for you still living with your parents, it's a very good thing.
• 1:15:32
  Eldar: It's a very good thing.
• 1:15:34
  Eldar: No, yeah, I agree with.
• 1:15:35
  Mike: You know what I'm saying?
• 1:15:36
  Mike: Because there's a bigger picture.
• 1:15:39
  Eldar: Yeah, you're now saving for a house.
• 1:15:41
  Eldar: Yeah, like what are we talking about here?
• 1:15:43
  Mike: Well, I also have a freedom that I don't have to pay for a house.
• 1:15:46
  Mike: This is what I'm saying.
• 1:15:47
  Mike: This is what I'm saying.
• 1:15:48
  Eldar: These are the rebuttals that totally talking about like.
• 1:15:50
  Eldar: Hey, like somebody said why you live in your house, I haven't like, I don't have a like, nobody gave me a big, a better fucking option Good enough.
• 1:15:59
  Eldar: Good enough reason to move out.
• 1:16:01
  Eldar: Are you going to be that person?
• 1:16:02
  Mike: Like those types of like rebuttals or those types of conversations and like those are real, but I think, I think this, the problem is the gift of God, what you're talking about.
• 1:16:12
  Mike: You lose that when you get asked the question that you yourself are not comfortable with you're not prepared then it's not even you're prepared, it's uncomfortable for you, you can't even use your brain.
• 1:16:19
  Anatoliy: Yeah, that's why I think it's not self sabotage.
• 1:16:23
  Anatoliy: In those actual things I agree with you.
• 1:16:25
  Eldar: Yeah, that's why I think that I degree self sabotage doesn't actually exist.
• 1:16:28
  Eldar: Yes, what exists is what you actually feel about yourself.
• 1:16:30
  Anatoliy: Yes, yes, that that's what I'm saying is that, like I feel Mike is uncomfortable with those things and he's definitely uncomfortable with how certain people view him in those kind of way.
• 1:16:40
  Anatoliy: Correct, right.
• 1:16:41
  Mike: Which is also, for example, I think I am uncomfortable with how they view me, because I'm uncomfortable how I view myself.
• 1:16:46
  Mike: I never said like hey, this is okay, like let's, we're move it on.
• 1:16:51
  Anatoliy: How long you want to carry this fucking like no no, I know, but there also are some people that can have particular pains on it that make you feel different thing.
• 1:16:58
  Anatoliy: An example is like if Dennis would say, for example, particular stuff about Mike, how does Mike react to those things?
• 1:17:07
  Eldar: though it's nothing.
• 1:17:08
  Eldar: Why it's garbage?
• 1:17:10
  Eldar: Why, because he sees that the person is incompetent.
• 1:17:12
  Eldar: We're saying them and they're not true.
• 1:17:14
  Eldar: Yeah.
• 1:17:15
  Anatoliy: Yeah, now let's take a supermodel on the date.
• 1:17:18
  Anatoliy: Yeah, red hair, red hair, oh yeah, yeah, the fact that you got a firecrouch to.
• 1:17:24
  Anatoliy: Oh, that's what might get like oh yeah, it's over for.
• 1:17:27
  Anatoliy: Mike, but same thing as being said.
• 1:17:29
  Anatoliy: Same thing being said, yeah, oh.
• 1:17:31
  Anatoliy: So to me it's like, yeah, there's a different reaction completely, because in that moment, when someone is saying that he can see the reality of what's going on and he does not place attachment to what a person is saying about him, that's right, right.
• 1:17:46
  Anatoliy: That's right In a different case.
• 1:17:47
  Anatoliy: He is right right away.
• 1:17:49
  Anatoliy: He's not able to see the reality for what it is and he is putting right away a level of attachment to what this person is saying.
• 1:17:57
  Anatoliy: And he has his reasons as to why he's saying, as to why he's putting a level of importance to what this person is saying.
• 1:18:07
  Anatoliy: Yeah, like he has those reasons.
• 1:18:09
  Anatoliy: I think uncovering those reasons, I mean, I think it's probably important.
• 1:18:15
  Eldar: Yeah, like you know, like for sure, and that's definitely a key here.
• 1:18:20
  Eldar: But at the end of the day, which questions right that you're holding close to you and we can explore this on next topic right that are holding you back, that we can't discuss here and make them bring light to them?
• 1:18:34
  Mike: Well, there's none.
• 1:18:35
  Mike: But the thing is, I have to be able to volunteer with those questions right, that's right, yeah, that's right.
• 1:18:40
  Mike: And I can only volunteer where I can think about or comes to mind.
• 1:18:44
  Mike: That came to mind because it's big.
• 1:18:46
  Mike: It's big, yeah, but ultimately there's not a lot of.
• 1:18:50
  Eldar: I think the society, society got it.
• 1:18:51
  Eldar: For example, the moving out part.
• 1:18:53
  Eldar: The society got it all wrong.
• 1:18:55
  Mike: Yeah, I think society, everyone agree with you on that.
• 1:18:57
  Eldar: But everyone should be living in their parents house, up to whatever.
• 1:19:00
  Eldar: Yeah, up until they have an actual plan.
• 1:19:02
  Eldar: Yeah, up to some people, maybe forever.
• 1:19:04
  Eldar: Some, I agree with him.
• 1:19:06
  Eldar: Yeah, some people maybe forever.
• 1:19:07
  Eldar: Right, because I understand the importance of proper relationship with your parents.
• 1:19:12
  Eldar: That's number one.
• 1:19:13
  Eldar: Yeah, if you moved out at 1819, 20 or whatever the fuck it is and you got into a fight with your parents and that's why you moved out, you an idiot.
• 1:19:20
  Eldar: Yeah you should.
• 1:19:20
  Eldar: You should mend your relationship, get you know, become a better person, understand what's actually going on and help yourself, help your parents and fucking save up for the money.
• 1:19:28
  Eldar: Right, yeah, if you moved out, if you live in an apartment and you paying $3,000, $4,000 a month and you don't have a down payment, you an idiot.
• 1:19:34
  Eldar: So like, and I will hardly believe this If you not you know, if you're out there, if you're not saving for something bigger, for your own place and all this other stuff, you an idiot.
• 1:19:43
  Eldar: Yeah you know what I'm saying.
• 1:19:44
  Eldar: If you don't believe that, that's your problem and that's that problem will be carried over to your conversations.
• 1:19:50
  Eldar: You know what I'm saying.
• 1:19:51
  Eldar: You will allow those other individuals to carry a very incompetent conversations, then imprint that on you and on your self esteem.
• 1:20:00
  Eldar: I'm not allowing to do that.
• 1:20:01
  Eldar: Who's going to have an intelligent conversation with me right now about this?
• 1:20:04
  Eldar: I don't think anybody, because I understand this.
• 1:20:07
  Eldar: I know what's important and what's not important in life.
• 1:20:10
  Eldar: I will hardly believe this and I stand on it.
• 1:20:12
  Eldar: That's it.
• 1:20:13
  Anatoliy: Yeah, and I think also I think attitude wise the difference there is that when you know it and you know what you're talking about, you're completely fine with having the conversation.
• 1:20:23
  Eldar: Well, that's what I'm saying, I know.
• 1:20:25
  Anatoliy: Yeah, you have no problem having it.
• 1:20:27
  Anatoliy: Okay, let's have it.
• 1:20:28
  Anatoliy: Let's have it.
• 1:20:28
  Anatoliy: Who disagrees?
• 1:20:29
  Anatoliy: Raise your hand.
• 1:20:30
  Anatoliy: Yeah, completely open to the conversation, where if, like you don't know what you're talking about, I could go into the call, be like oh, you don't ask me about this.
• 1:20:37
  Anatoliy: Yeah because then I don't want to be put in that situation.
• 1:20:40
  Anatoliy: Yeah, if you do that you're going to lose every time.
• 1:20:42
  Anatoliy: Yeah, and I've lost every time that I've done that.
• 1:20:45
  Eldar: I agree.
• 1:20:45
  Eldar: That's right.
• 1:20:45
  Eldar: You know that's right.
• 1:20:46
  Eldar: You give me a good enough argument.
• 1:20:48
  Eldar: What are you going to tell me?
• 1:20:49
  Eldar: You need experience to do your own laundry.
• 1:20:51
  Eldar: Who fucking told you this?
• 1:20:52
  Eldar: You know what I'm saying.
• 1:20:55
  Eldar: Well, what are we talking about here?
• 1:20:56
  Eldar: You live in an apartment by yourself.
• 1:20:59
  Eldar: What does that say?
• 1:20:59
  Eldar: You can come home at night, you can fucking be drunk or whatever, on your own, or whatever.
• 1:21:03
  Eldar: I can do that right now with my parents if I wanted to.
• 1:21:05
  Eldar: You know what I'm saying.
• 1:21:06
  Eldar: Like, what are we talking about?
• 1:21:07
  Eldar: You have a bigger dream, bigger goal or something.
• 1:21:10
  Eldar: Most of the time, moving out early in life actually bars you from then making bigger goals, achieving higher education, going for your master's degree, going for your doctor's degree.
• 1:21:22
  Eldar: Why you have to work in parent.
• 1:21:24
  Eldar: You wanted to show off your $4,000 apartment.
• 1:21:27
  Eldar: You're an idiot.
• 1:21:27
  Eldar: You're an idiot.
• 1:21:29
  Eldar: You got stuck.
• 1:21:30
  Eldar: You fucking.
• 1:21:32
  Eldar: You didn't progress.
• 1:21:33
  Eldar: You know what I mean.
• 1:21:34
  Eldar: So that's what I'm saying is that if you bring it to the table, you'll quickly find that we can find answers to, like, what's actually going on and how one thing should be viewed and a lot of times, the people that, like yourself, have insecurities about social subjects.
• 1:21:52
  Eldar: The society got it fucking wrong, bro.
• 1:21:54
  Anatoliy: You can't put spinners on a hoopty.
• 1:21:56
  Eldar: You can't.
• 1:21:57
  Eldar: You know what I'm saying.
• 1:21:59
  Eldar: At the end of the day, what has, what has you know what character traits and development that helps you by getting your own place and being alone versus staying with your parents, understanding your parents, living with them, helping each other and stuff like that and really flourishing and then devising a plan that's going to be more sustainable for the future.
• 1:22:17
  Eldar: What?
• 1:22:19
  Eldar: Who's going to have an intelligent conversation?
• 1:22:21
  Eldar: Not many people.
• 1:22:26
  Mike: Yeah, I don't think it's supposed to be intelligent in my own head.
• 1:22:29
  Eldar: That's why it's a that's why it's the way it is.
• 1:22:31
  Mike: That is why I think that you need to bring logic to it and really dissect it and dissect it and have what it is.
• 1:22:37
  Eldar: Yeah, yeah, Open it all up.
• 1:22:38
  Eldar: All you insecurities about what.
• 1:22:40
  Eldar: Maybe you're reading it wrong, man.
• 1:22:41
  Eldar: Maybe you've attached certain things and you let society dictate to you how it ought to be and how it ought to be.
• 1:22:49
  Eldar: A lot of them they got it wrong.
• 1:22:50
  Eldar: If they didn't, I'd see a lot of people in love.
• 1:22:53
  Eldar: I don't see that.
• 1:22:55
  Eldar: So that's my measure, bro.
• 1:22:57
  Eldar: You know what I mean.
• 1:22:58
  Eldar: That's what I go off, that's my bar.
• 1:23:00
  Eldar: You're not in love.
• 1:23:01
  Eldar: You ain't got shit to say to me, bro.
• 1:23:03
  Eldar: Literally, Either you have to be in love with yourself you're happy or you have to be in love with another person.
• 1:23:08
  Eldar: Now how are you going to dictate something like that?
• 1:23:12
  Eldar: You can't.
• 1:23:13
  Eldar: Yeah, so, yeah.
• 1:23:17
  Eldar: So final thoughts, or final question for next week.
• 1:23:23
  Mike: Well, the final question is yeah, what's the insecurities that held, and why do we seek approval of others?
• 1:23:30
  Mike: You know, like, why do I need somebody telling me that it's okay it?
• 1:23:34
  Anatoliy: is not okay.
• 1:23:34
  Anatoliy: Yeah, you can safely say that next episode is Mike goes off part nine yes, all right, cool, so Mike goes off.
• 1:23:41
  Eldar: Part nine All right guys, good job.