Latest / Dits & Dahs / waking up wearing a smile
Transcript
- Sue: I must spend a lot of time in my early adult life, my 20s and 30s, you know, as you get around to having a job that you find meaningful. Maybe you're looking for love in your life and I would have a sort of view that if I got this job or had this boyfriend, life would be easier. I don't know if anybody else thinks that way, but I certainly did. Today, as a 64-year-old widow, I've learned that those things don't come externally. Life is better. when you understand the value of you. And I talk about this a lot, how important it is to love yourself and to be aware that you're responsible for how good you feel when you wake up in the morning. Confirmation with the geese. I used to wake up in the morning, look at my husband and think, I've made it, I've got what I need. Well, yeah. But now you've put yourself in a unknowingly, to you, a co-dependent situation because you've objectified your job and your love life as being the things that are essential to your life's purpose and happiness. And all of those externals aren't you. You are. Because if you're listening to this and you're by yourself, and I mean, you know, maybe you're working at a job that, ⁓ it's paying the bills, but it's not much else to it. And I'm not saying you should change your job, but I think it's worth a think regarding what those externals do serve in your life. There's no getting around the fact that as someone who is a business owner, it is super hard work to live off the income of what I do, given the specialty that I have of being in the music business. At my age, ageism at play in terms of employers and things, whether they are explicit with it or not. So it's not as though all the corporate jobs that I apply to are getting any nod from people. So it really does mean that I have to figure out a way to support myself. And those externals kind of keep the, won't say prison, but they keep us enslaved in a way that is co-dependent on their being a need for those externals to be there. When I go back to talking about my work, know, the externals I can't control. I can't control, for example, what goes on in the industry that might affect my ability to work. And so you still have to make a living. You still have to figure out what you're going to do. That comes with it. And it's the same thing for relationships. Being with somebody who puts a smile on your face every morning is a beautiful thing, and I'm all for that. But as a widow, at the moment, I'm by myself. So do I stop smiling because there's no one to wake up to? The answer is no. You know, when you mourn the loss of a spouse in my case, Gareth, my late husband, you're also partly selfishly mourning for the loss of all of those external energies that you've allowed to replace your energies as something valuable. When you wake up alone and have a smile on your face or a little just positive vibe with you in the morning and nobody else is there, that's probably a good sign that you love yourself. And that's the beginning. of what it takes to build value. Yeah, there's a certain level of selfish mourning when you recognize that the person that is no longer at your side is there to quote unquote make you happy. And in some ways that was the beginning of the awareness that I needed to have to understand how to run my business better. And I'm not saying I'm an expert at it. I'm not making a lot of money. The realization. that you really do have the power to wake up in the morning with a smile on your face by yourself. That's a very comforting feeling. It is for me anyway. And it didn't used to be that way. When I was single, I would wake up sometimes and bemoan the fact that there was no one in the bed next to me. Not anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'll be grateful when the day comes that someone else does come to live with me side by side. But I'm happy now, regardless. That's like the biggest gift you can give yourself, I think. For me it is. And you start by really focusing on yourself. You start small. You have a good objective look at who you are. Look at yourself in the mirror. Give yourself a good smile. Say hello to yourself. Tell yourself that you love you. What is this about you that you love about yourself? The fact that you are alive and thinking about it because you have air in your lungs, that's a good place to start. That's hope. Hope. means you have the possibilities all in front of you. And all you have to do is figure out which ones you think are going to be the best to act on and do it. It's horrible waking up not happy because it probably means that the night before you were unhappy going to bed as well. and you're in a cycle of things that aren't really serving you the best. And I'm not advocating that you change things, I'm just advocating that first change, before you physically change things in your life, is to really go within and understand that you control you. You are definitely enough. And that as you start to visualize the things in your life that you love about yourself, that grows into a more calm, peaceful state of mind. Because if... You're not happy. No one else is going to make you happy. I'm not suggesting that losing everything in your life at once as I did is the way to go. I'm not advocating that you get rid of everything and start this way. What I am advocating is a simple step of looking at yourself in the mirror. Your beautiful face. What is it about your face? Was it your eyes? Did your eyes glint at one point and no longer sparkle? Go within. Give yourself compliments. You're not being egotistical or bombastic with your praise. You are simply restating the obvious that you've lost sight of. in order for you to reclaim what you already have within you, which is your happiness. Each day that you focus on you, you're going to start to learn things about yourself, and that's going to add into more good things about you. It's not easy. Don't be afraid. Get rid of your ego. Get rid of your fears. And just be you. I see you. You're beautiful soul. No one can take that away from you, nor should you give that away, just because you need somebody else you think in your life to make you happy. Well, that's you. Value you. Start with whatever little thing about yourself that makes you feel good. Put that in your echo chamber and let it resonate for a bit. Because you control you. So if you can control yourself, you can make yourself whatever you want to be. My life, it's happy. Because when I'm happy, I'm loving. I'm loving all the time, but you know, that exuberance of being happy just shoots out the love more. And you'll see that in the way that people connect with you. You are enough. And while it might feel like you're alone at that time, you're not. I've been there. I am there. You know, when sometimes I wake up in the morning and don't feel happy, I recognize now that it's not something that I've created within myself. It's external to me. And I'm sure as heck not going to allow that to alter my day. Nobody else gets to make me feel horrible. I do. I have the right to, and I choose not to. Let your love shine for you. Thanks for listening.