Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / S2 Ep5: Quick Laughs with Jimmy O. 🤣

Transcript

S2 Ep5: Quick Laughs with Jimmy O. 🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if you guys remember this.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_02: Just three years ago, there was a movie called The Great Wall starring Matt Damon.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_02: It was a real movie.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_02: It was Matt Damon in ancient China fighting dragons and sh and everybody spoke English?
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, what the f is this?
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_02: But you gotta understand, I'm not mad at Matt Damon, okay?
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_02: He's an actor.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_02: That's what he does for a living.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_02: That's how he gets a check.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_02: I get it.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_02: I get it.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_02: If somebody were to offer me a lead role in a movie called Mount Rushmore, I'll play the f out of George Washington.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_02: No shame in my game.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_02: I'll play George Washington Carver if they let me.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: That's a black guy, by the way.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_02: Gotta represent, man.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_02: I see a lot of people out here in the streets, they want to come up to me, but they're not really sure.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: There's a lot of debate amongst their friends.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_02: They're like, hey man, are you sure that's him?
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_02: If we go up there, we gotta be sure.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_02: Because if we go up there and it's not him, we're gonna look super racist.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_02: Are you sure that's not Ken Jong?
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_02: Looks kind of like Ali Wong.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_02: And they come up to me, there's always like the first thing they say, like, hey, hey man, aren't you that dude Jing Ying from Show Silicon Valley?
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, thanks.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you, thank you.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_02: I appreciate that.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I am.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_02: And then they were like, I didn't even know you speak English in real life.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_02: Like, it's called acting.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_02: Like, did you really think Matt Damon was Chinese?
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what's wrong with you?
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know what the disconnect is.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_02: Like, if a white actor does a British accent, he's a thesbian.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_02: He wins an Oscar.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_02: If I do a Chinese accent, I'm automatically from the old country.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_02: Representation matters, man.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of Asian people come on up to me, very proud, very nice.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_02: They're like, Jimmy, thank you for representing the Asians, man.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, hey, hey, you're welcome.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_02: But you do understand it's not really a choice, right?
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like when you wake up Asian, you can only represent Asians.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_02: I couldn't just wake up one day and be like, I'm representing Nigerians today.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_02: I'm very proud to represent Asians, but at the same time, there's so much pressure.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: Like nobody ever went up to Matt Damon and be like, hey Matt, thanks for representing the whites.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_02: Sounds weird.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_02: That's like a different conversation for some reason, you know?
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_02: If somebody came up to me and be like, hey Jimmy, I'm representing for the whites, I would leave that town immediately and never come back.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_02: So much pressure to represent.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_02: I gotta be a good Asian everywhere now.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_02: I gotta tip everywhere I go.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: That was one of the major advantages of being Asian, is I can just pretend I don't know how to tip.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_02: Y'all know what a Chinese tip is?
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_02: Chinese tip, it doesn't matter how big your bill is, you tip$2.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_02: That's a China.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_02: That's a Chinese tip, man.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_02: Now I gotta tip 20% everywhere.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_02: I gotta give every Uber driver a five-star rating just so I can be a good representative.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_02: Everywhere I go, I gotta represent.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_02: Even day-to-day.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_02: Even the bedroom, I gotta represent.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_02: After I hooked up with this one girl, this is what she said to me.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_02: She was like, Jimmy, um, I don't know how to tell you this, but you're the first Asian guy I've ever been with.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, okay.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_02: What do you want?
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_02: A fortune cookie?
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what?
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what do you want?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: She acted like she just unlocked a new character on Street Fighter or something.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_02: Why do you feel the need to say that?
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_02: This one girl said this so disrespectful.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_02: This is what she said to me after we hooked up.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_02: She was like, Jimmy, um, I'm just glad the stereotype's not true.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_02: You don't have a small penis.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, I understand you just insulting my entire race of people.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_02: But thank you.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_02: First of all, thank you for thinking that I live a small penis and we still had sex.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_02: You the real MVP.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: You get two fortune cookies tonight, miss.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_02: I love old Asian people, man.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_02: Old Asian people are the best.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_02: But why are all old Asian people always stretching in the park?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_02: Like it doesn't matter which city and which park you go to, you wake up 6 30 in the morning, you see about 250 old Asian people all doing this at the same time.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_02: For like three hours.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_02: What the f are they doing?
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_02: And my dad was trying to explain to me, he's like, oh, they're warming up to do Tai Chi.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, for how long?
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_02: And ironically, Tai Chi is a warm-up in itself.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_02: So they're warming up to warm up for nothing.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: And I think to a lot of Americans, like, people think that Tai Chi is some like exotic Chinese secret, some oriental art.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_02: Tai Chi is just exercise for people who are too old to exercise.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_02: Let's not exoticize these things, you know?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_02: It's actually super simple to do Tai Chi.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_02: I went to the park, watched those old people for like an hour, and I learned how to do Tai Chi.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_02: Very simple.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_02: All you gotta do is two things.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: All you gotta do to do Tai Chi is pretend you're wiping down a window and getting a boob job at the same time.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_02: You guys seem skeptical.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_02: Allow me to demonstrate.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: Very simple.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_02: All you gotta do, you get any little stance, right?
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_02: Okay?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_02: And then you wipe down a window, and now you get a And then you lift their head up because you're a gentleman, you know?
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_02: That's Tai Chi.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_02: Hey.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_02: Let's not exoticize these Asian things.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_02: It's just old people reminiscing about the days when they got s off.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta take advantage of these all these all these like Asian stereotypes.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_02: You know, if people's gonna exoticize us, that's fine.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_02: Whenever somebody asks me to do something I don't want to do, I just make up a fake Chinese holiday now.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, hey Jimmy, can you help me move next Monday?
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, Monday?
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_02: That's the Dragon Boat ly chi boba festival, dog.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_02: I can't just help you move.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_02: My grandfather died for that.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_02: You understand?
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_02: And if people was gonna assume that I don't speak English, that's fine.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_02: That's what I do now when I get pulled over by the cops.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_02: I just pretend I don't speak English.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_02: Haven't gotten a ticket in five years.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_02: Last time I got pulled over, the cop was knocking my window.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, sir, you do understand you can't make a right turn here.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_02: Says right there in the sign you can't make a right turn.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_02: So I just looked up at him.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, oh.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry, but the English is not very good, so I cannot read at the sign.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_02: And he was really confused.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_02: He just looked back down at me.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_02: He was like, sir, the sign is not in English, it's a diagram.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_02: So I don't understand how that's a language barrier.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_02: So I just looked up at him.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, oh.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_02: But do you know today is the Dragon Ball Lai Chipo?
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_02: Like I'm finally, I'm like quasi-famous now.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_02: Nothing's really changed.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_02: I might get a free appetizer at select PF Chanks.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_02: That's about it.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_02: Nothing's really changed.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_02: I was still using Tinder up until like a year ago.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_02: This is a true story.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_02: But now I realize I got a whole new set of issues on Tinder.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_02: Like, like now when I do match with a girl, she doesn't believe that it's me.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_02: Like, ugh, that's not you.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_02: That's not you're not that guy from this thing and that thing.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, who the fuck is using me as a fake profile?
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta dig real deep to use me, man.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like there's so many better choices out there.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_02: One time, one time my agent told me that I had a good look.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, thanks, dude, I appreciate that.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_02: But then it took me years to realize that having a good look is totally different than being good looking.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_02: I still don't know what the fuck it means.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_02: And look, I'm not being self-deprecating, okay?
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_02: That's Hollywood talk.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_02: I don't I don't listen to that shit.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_02: I understand that in real life, I'm like super good looking.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_02: If you're into anime.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta get in when you fit in, people.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_02: One time I went over to the girl's house, she she has this like Naruto anime poster in her bedroom.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_02: I knew I was fucking that night.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta know your demo people.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_02: Asian people, we don't need Tinder anymore.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_02: We just go to BTS concerts.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_02: That's how we do that parking lot pimping.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_02: I've been dating a lot of tall girls lately because it makes me look successful.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_02: No, no.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_02: I I think tall women are beautiful, but some of them like to wear heels.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_02: That's just disrespect.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, you're already five inches taller than me.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_02: Why the fuck are you wearing heels?
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_02: And she's like, it makes my ass look better.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, your ass is on my eye level right now.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_02: Neither of us look good, okay?
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_02: I look like a child and you look like a child molester.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_02: Last time, last time I took a tall girl to this concert.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if you guys know this, but apparently tall people have fun at concerts.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_02: Are you guys aware of that?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_02: I'm 5'5.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_02: I just go to concerts to smell other people's armpits.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what the fuck's the point of this?
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_02: She was having a time in her life doing whatever tall people do at concerts, you know?
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_02: Jumping around, obstructing other people's views, seeing everything.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_02: I was frustrated.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_02: I had enough.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_02: So I just looked up at her.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, hey, pick me up.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_02: I know I'm becoming an adult finally.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_02: Because now my favorite TV show is Fixer Upper on HGTV.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_02: That's the greatest show of all time.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_02: You guys watch it?
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_02: Chip and Joanna Gaines, Fixer Upper.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_02: It's a great show, right?
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_02: It's a great show.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's really a beautiful relationship.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_02: Joanna does all the interior decorating and she brings it on furniture, makes the house look amazing, and Chip just hires Mexicans to do everything from.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_02: It's the most symbiotic American relationship ever.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_02: And it's a really nice show.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_02: It's a feel-good show, right?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_02: It's an aspiring show.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_02: You watch the show and you're like, man, one day maybe my house could look that nice if I move to Waco, Texas.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_02: If I just give up on my life and move to Waco, Texas, maybe I can have a new open concept kitchen.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know about you guys.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_02: Expensive where I live in LA.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_02: And I watch the show and I just get frustrated.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_02: Because you get like these like entry-level jobs having people in Texas, and they're like, Joanna, we're looking for a six-bedroom house on three acres of land, and our budget's fifty thousand dollars.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_02: Bitch, I can't even buy a crackhouse in Compton for 50.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_02: A Street TV is just basically MTV cribs for adults.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_02: Because when you're 15, you're crazier dreams, you know.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_02: You watch MTV cribs and you're like, oh man, one day I hope I can have a Lamborghini.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_02: One day I hope I can have a fridge with only Gatorades.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_02: And now you're like 35, your dreams just get a little more realistic.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_02: You're watching HGTV and you're just like, oh man, one day I wish I could just fix this roof.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_02: Look, I'm I'm doing like fine by any measure, you know.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_02: But I still live in a one-bedroom apartment because that is rent controlled.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_02: And when Asian people, when we find a good deal, we're never letting an ass go.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_02: That apartment is about to be generational.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_02: It's gonna get passed down my nephew, his kids, and all that.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_02: It's mine now, basically.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to buy a house.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_02: I live by myself.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm scared of ghosts.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_02: I've seen enough movies to know that ghosts only haunt houses, not one-bedroom apartments.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_02: I've seen enough Hollywood movies to know that ghosts only haunt rich people's houses in the suburbs, preferably with a newborn baby.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_02: Because they got way too much to lose.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_02: High stakes.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_02: I live by myself, I ain't got nothing to lose.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_02: A ghost come haunt me, I just move.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_02: Worst come to worse, I lose my security deposit.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_02: You know what's a ghost gonna do?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_02: He's gonna follow me from unit to unit, start knocking on my life fixtures and I'm like, hey dog, go ahead, it's not my mind.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: Wrong, we both get evicted, okay?
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you don't want to be a homeless ghost.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_02: And if you really think about it, what kind of loser ghost haunts an apartment?
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: That means that ghost probably died in that apartment.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_02: He didn't even die a homeowner.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_02: I ain't got no respect for that.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_02: He comes home and I just start talking to him like, hey dog, what was your credit score when you died though?
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_02: Like for real.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_02: I was born in Hong Kong.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_02: Any Hong Kong people, couple of us?
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_02: Awesome, man.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_02: So you guys that haven't been following the news.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_02: I'm joking, obviously.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_02: But I said the same in Kansas City, and people were like, really?
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, we learned something new today, Bill.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_02: I did a show in Kansas City, I don't know why either.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_02: People are very nice in Kansas City.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not gonna say like they're racist or anything like that, but they're just like curious.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_02: Like they're watching me like they're watching an episode National Geographic.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_02: And a pack of giraffes just ran by.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_02: And they're like, oh, never seen one of those in real life.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_02: Looks majestic.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_02: This one kid in Kansas City came up to me after the show.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_02: Very nice kid.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_02: This is what he said.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_02: He was like, Ah, Jimmy, I thought you were really funny, man.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I don't mean to offend you.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_02: That's when you know you're about to get offended.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, I don't mean to offend you, but when I first saw your poster, I thought you were gonna play the violin.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, I do, or just not right now.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_02: Keep it a secret.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_02: See, I gotta say, I got some of the nicest crowds in the business.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_02: I I rarely ever get heckled.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_02: And one time I was talking about how I used to play the violin.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_02: Old Chinese lady sitting in the front just stood up and screamed out, first chair or second chair!
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, thanks, ma'am.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: Uh fifth chair, actually, fifth chair.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't very good.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't good, it wasn't good.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_02: I grew up very stereotypically in Hong Kong.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_02: I grew up very stereotypically in Hong Kong.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_02: Like, like my real name is not even Jimmy, that's my English name.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_02: My real name is Man Xing in Cantonese Man Singh.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_02: It stands for 10,000 success.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh, uh-huh, yeah.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_02: I had very ambitious parents, and now I'm telling jokes and doing Tai Chi on stage.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_02: So Jimmy was just kind of like an arbitrary English name that just sounded easy.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_02: And my dad, he named himself Richard.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, dad, why'd you name yourself Richard?
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_02: He was like, Because I want to be rich.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_02: It makes so much sense.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_02: And then they named my older brother Roger after the James Bond actor Roger Moore.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_02: But my brother hated that name.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_02: He was like, man, it makes me sound like an old white guy.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_02: So eventually he changed his own name to Roy.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_02: So now he sounds like an older white guy.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_02: And now his full name is Roy Roger, which is the oldest white guy to ever wipe.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_02: I grew up very stereotypically, man.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't play basketball, football, I grew up playing ping pong.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_02: Competitively.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_02: That was a serious national sport back home, man.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I didn't go to any like fun summer camp, space camp.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_02: My dad sent me to a ping pong training camp in Guangzhou, China.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_02: I almost died.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_02: It was a hundred kids competing for one spot on the national team.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_02: It was basically Fortnite with ping pong paddles.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_02: We took that seriously though.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_02: My dad would take me to every practice, every tournament game, and he always tried to give me a pep talk before every game.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, Asian parents, they're way too honest.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_02: So every pep talk just turned into an insult.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_02: Like he would come up to me and be like, Jimmy.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_02: Jimmy.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_02: You're gonna play well, okay?
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_02: Even though you're slow, even though you're weak, and you'll suck.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_02: And then he would just walk away.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_02: I was very good at math.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_02: That's a big Asian stereotype.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_02: I think there's some truth to that.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_02: Not because of some weird genetic thing, just because our parents care so much more about mathematics and academics, right?
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_02: You guys seen it?
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_02: You guys seen those like Kumon learning centers in those strip malls?
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_02: Kumon learning centers, for you guys that don't know, are basically detention camps for young Asian children.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_02: You can tell that place is kind of fed up by the look of its logo.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_02: Because it's supposed to be a smiley face, but it's not really smiling.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_02: It's just like, man.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_02: My parents were way too cheap to send me to Kuman.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_02: They got a different strategy.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_02: They never let me use a calculator until I turned 15, so I can work on my brain function.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_02: That's an old school Chinese strategy.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_02: You know, so when I turned 15, it was a very special occasion.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_02: It was basically my kinseniera.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_02: My dad just gave me a TI 83 plus.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_02: And he looked me in the eyes and he was like, You're a woman now, okay?
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_02: But when you're a kid, when your parents tell you you can't do something, what do you do?
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_02: You rebel, right?
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_02: So when I was 14 years old, I stole my brother's calculator, I stole Roy Rogers' calculator, and I locked myself in my room and I started rebelling.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_02: I started doing math homework.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_02: Other kids were like fing around with like alcohol and drugs.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_02: I was fing up some problems, you know?
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_02: Locked myself in a room, I was just punching in numbers.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, oh man, this feels great, you know.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_02: It's so wrong, it's awesome.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_02: My dad was pissed.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_02: He was knocking the other side of the door, he doesn't like locked doors in the house, and he was screaming.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_02: He was like, Jimmy! Jimmy, what are you doing?
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_02: It's like come out right now.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_02: I know you're using a calculator.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_02: Come out right now.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_02: I was so scared, I didn't know what to do.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_02: And he unlocked the door and he came in.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_02: I went into full panic mode, so I just threw away the calculator and I pulled out my pants.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, dad, I was just jerking off.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_02: And he came in and he looked at me, and then he looked at the math homework.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: And he was like, good, good, very good, very good, very good.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: You must have really liked a mask.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: That's good.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_01: That's good.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_02: Keep it up.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_02: Because there's nothing, there's nothing that will make your Asian father more proud than to see a son jerk off to his math homework.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_02: But my mom had bought me gym shorts that was my exact size and extra small.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_02: So that wasn't very cool because came down mid-thigh.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_02: And apparently back in the day, that was called a John Stockton.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_02: And the same kid next to me, that bully next to me, he's like, hey, hey, look at it.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, don't wear your pants like that.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_02: Pull your pants down, man.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_02: Pull your pants down.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, who's the gay one now?
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_02: But I didn't know what to do.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody was looking at me, and this kid kept saying, pull your pants down.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_02: So I was like, oh.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_02: I've seen Shawshank Redemption.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe this is just how it works in America.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_02: So I start pulling down my shorts, all the way down to my knees, all the way down to my ankle, and that same kid, the bully next to me, is like, hey, what are you doing?
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_02: Don't pull him down all the way?
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_02: That's gay.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, what is not gay in this country?
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_02: And apparently, this other kid next to me is like, hey, don't pull them down all the way.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_02: Just sag them a little bit.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_02: Just sag your pants.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_02: And I didn't know what sagging your pants meant.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_02: Apparently that's a cool hip-hop thing to pull your pants down halfway down your butt.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_02: So you show everybody your.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_02: And apparently that's the only not gay way to wear your pants in America.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_02: I had no idea.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_02: All these weird American things I wasn't used to.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_02: Eventually I learned how to speak English by watching a lot of TV.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_02: Mainly B.E.T.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_02: Rap City.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_02: Because that was my.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_02: I want to be cool and nothing cooler than B.E.T.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_02: Rap City, right?
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_02: Every music video was a slice of somebody's American dream.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_02: The first music video I saw was Jay-Z's Big Pimpin'.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_02: You guys remember that?
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_02: Jay-Z's Big Pimpin' was the greatest music video of all time.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_02: It was Jay-Z and his boys on a yacht pouring champagne on this beautiful woman's face for like four minutes.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, this is America?
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_02: It's amazing.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_02: That's all I wanted to do.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_02: Like before I even wanted to get into stand-up, that's all I wanted to do.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_02: I want to be a rapper.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_02: I want to be like Jay-Z and Big Pimpin'.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_02: So I started my own rap group in high school.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_02: It's a true story.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_02: It was me, my black friend Julian, and my other friend Yuji, who was half black and half Japanese.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_02: So we had perfectly one and a half black dudes and one and a half Asian dudes.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_02: And we called ourselves the Yellow Panthers.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_02: I wish I was making this up, but I'm not.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_02: The Yellow Panthers was a real rap group.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_02: And we had a real rap song.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_02: It was called Underground Railroad Builder.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_02: Eventually I became a good Asian American and I went to school to get an economics degree.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_02: Because that was the easiest degree that can still appease my Asian parents.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_02: But then after I graduated, I didn't want to do like econ or finance.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_02: So I went up to my dad.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, Dad, I don't want to do any of this.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_02: I want to go try and do stand-up.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_02: And he was like, what's a stand-up?
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_02: You mean like a talk show?
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, yeah, sure, talk show, whatever you want to call it, okay?
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_02: But I want to go pursue my dreams.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_02: And he was like, no.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_02: Pursue your dreams, how you become homeless.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, no, no, dad, that it's things are different now.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_02: We're in America, okay?
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_02: In America, we're supposed to do what we love.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_02: He was like, no.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_02: Everyone does what they hate for money and use the money to do what they love.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_02: See, I'm like first generation, but my parents, they're like negative nine generation because they're so freaking Chinese.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_02: Like, it's really hard for me to watch TV with my dad because he's trying to make me explain everything to him.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_02: And first of all, old Asian people, they don't watch TV, they judge the TV.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_02: This is like I'm just sitting next to my dad on the couch, and he's wearing his like old Asian man costume, which is just a wife beater and tidy whiteys.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_02: He just sitting there, arms folded, judging the TV light.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_02: He just makes random noises around the house.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_02: Now, whenever he sneezes, it's never just a sneeze.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_02: It's like a whole tsunami of sound waves that comes after.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like, I'm like, what the f dad just have an organism?
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: What was that?
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_02: And he doesn't understand what I'm saying half the time.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, oh, there's an organism.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, the organ.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_02: And he's trying to make me explain everything to him on TV.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_02: Do you understand how difficult it is to explain a rap music video to an old Chinese man?
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_02: We're just sitting there, and my dad was like, oh, Jimmy.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_02: Jimmy.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_02: What do I mean when he say Lamborghini Mercio?
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_02: What the?
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, Tad, he's bragging about his car.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_02: It's a Lamborghini Mercialago, very expensive car.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_02: You know what that is, right?
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like, oh, okay, okay, the yes, yes.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_02: That's when you know they have no idea what the f he just said.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_02: Like, okay, okay, the yes, yes, a Lamborghini, okay.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_02: Jimmy.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_02: What does he mean when he say your chick or she's so thirsty, or what the and I was like, um Daddy, he's making fun of somebody's girlfriend, okay?
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_02: It's saying like she likes attention from other guys and she likes to do sex stuff with them.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_02: You know, like b and such.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_02: And he's like, oh, okay, okay, yes, yes, yes.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_02: Jimmy, Jimmy, I'm thirsty, too, okay.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_02: So I was like, I was like, oh god, no, no, got lost in translation.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_02: It's disgusting.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if you guys know this, but uh I came from an acting family.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_02: But it's not really like Angelina Jolie and John Void.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_02: I guess I'll be Angelina Jolie in that equation.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_02: My dad is also an actor, but he started acting after I did.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_02: Because he was like, it's so easy you can't do it.
• 29:33
  unknown: Okay.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, that fine.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_02: If you think my life's so easy, why don't you go to some open call auditions and you understand how hard it is, how much rejection I face every day at my job.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_02: He was like, okay.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_02: And he went to all these auditions and he started booking everything.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_02: It's a true story.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_02: He got on this show in China, in mainland China, called Little Daddy, Xiao Baba.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_02: Half a billion people watch that show.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_02: It's like the Big Bang Theory of China, and Richard blew up.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_02: And he was like, This is easy.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_02: Look, there's nothing wrong with Whole Foods.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_02: Matter of fact, it's too nice.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_02: And Asian people, we don't like to pay for atmosphere.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_02: Have you guys been to a Chinese grocery store?
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's a fing zoo.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_02: You walk in there, there's just a frog jumping from one aisle to the other.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_02: There's a piece of fish still flopping around the floor.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_02: Half the place is an aquarium.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know why you ever pay for your kids to go to SeaWorld when you just take them to the ranch 99 for free.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_02: That's a good deal.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_02: That's a great deal.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_02: Asian people, we don't buy organic.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_02: We don't we don't believe in organic labeling.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_02: We better still see swimming or still walking.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_02: That's organic to us.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_02: That's the only way we know.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_02: All my friends in LA, all my hipster friends, they're like, Jimmy, you gotta eat organic, man.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_02: Those regular stuff you eat, they have growth hormones in them.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_02: It's gonna fing kill you.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, really?
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_02: Growth hormones?
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_02: Wait a minute, you're trying to tell me I've been eating growth hormones all my life and I'm still 5'5 and I shopping gap kids?
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_02: The fuck out of here.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_02: I'll pay extra for growth hormones.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_02: Get me to the GMO only section, you know?
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_02: All this organic stuff in America is getting out of control.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_02: It's not just organic food.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_02: You got like organic bed sheets, organic hand soap.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know about you guys, but growing up in my very Chinese family, hand soap wasn't even a thing.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_02: Hand soap used to be that piece of leftover soap that my dad's been washing with his for two months.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_02: And he just puts it a soap counter, you walk by, you rub it two fingers on it for good luck.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_02: That was that was hand soap.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_02: Nobody got sick, it was fine.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_02: Once in a while you got a piece of pube, so what?
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_02: You deal with it.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_02: Now hand soap's so fancy, it's got his own aisle at the grocery stores.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_02: Because it's not about washing your hands anymore, it's a status symbol.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_02: We go to our friend's house and judge how well they're doing by what kind of hand soap they got.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_02: We've all done this.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_02: You go to your friend's house, he's got that green bar soap that says zest on it.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_02: That guy's a fing peasant.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_02: Don't associate yourself with that kind of animal.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_02: He's gonna ask you for money, you know what I mean?
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_02: And then next level up, you got like the two dollar bottle of soft soap with the fish or the watermelon on it, you know?
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_02: I like that family.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_02: That's the backbone of America.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_02: It's the middle class Honda Civics of soaps.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_02: Hardworking American family, man.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_02: I appreciate that.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_02: And then next level up, you got a soap that's so fancy, it doesn't even dispense soap.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_02: It dispenses foam.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_02: Which is just soap filled with air for an extra six dollars in a fing bottle.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_02: Because as an American society, we decided we're way too good to rub our own two hands together to create our own foam and rather outsource that foaming action to some poor Chinese kid in Guangzhou, China to pre-foam it for us.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_02: Make America foam again, people, okay?
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_02: My mom eventually caved in and she bought the$2 bottle of soft soap with a fish on it.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_02: But she's so Chinese, she's been watering it down for six years now.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_02: And now it's just a bottle of water with a fish on it.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_02: Doesn't do because it's a good deal.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_02: I know I make fun of my parents, but at the end of the day, I love them very much.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_02: I think we all do, right?
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_02: But Asian people, we don't ever say I love you to each other.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_02: That's just not our thing.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_02: One time I got high and I called my mom.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, mom, I just I just want to tell you, mom, I love you.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_02: And you can hear her start like crying on the other side of the line.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_02: She was like, Oh Jimmy, do you have a cancer?
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_02: Like about 10 years ago, I went on a college trip to Tijuana, Mexico.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_02: Because that's just what a good American college student would do.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_02: And the thing is, walking into Mexico from the US, they don't check anything.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_02: There's just a big revolving door.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_02: You walk right in, they don't even check your ID.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_02: It's easier to get into Mexico than a Costco.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_02: You just walk in.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_02: And that's it.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_02: But coming back was a totally different story.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_02: Coming back from Mexico to the US, there's no more revolving doors.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_02: Now it's a concrete windowless tunnel with guards with M16 machine guns.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_02: And I was super nervous being an immigrant and all.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_02: And my college buddy Ian next to me, he was like, Jimmy, don't worry, man.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_02: Just just just tell them you're American, they let you ride through.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, easy for you to say.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_02: Ian.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_02: Ian walks up, he gets through, no problem.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_02: I walk up, the first thing they asked me, they're like, Sir, are you an American citizen?
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, yes.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_02: But I forgot one very minor detail that I wasn't.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_02: I was still an immigrant on a green card, and I wasn't a full-on citizen yet.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_02: Next thing you know, I was detained in this 10x10 box, and they started interrogating me.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_02: They were like, sir, why did you lie about your American citizenship?
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, I'm so sorry.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'm drunk and I really wasn't trying to lie.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_02: My friend in front of me told me to tell you I was American, so that's just what I did.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_02: It was a knee-jerk reaction.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_02: He was like, Well, was he American?
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, Well, his name is Ian, so probably.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_02: And then the officer was like, sir, you do understand this is a very serious offense.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_02: We could deport you for this.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, deport me?
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't even know that was an option.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_02: What was I gonna do back in Hong Kong?
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_02: Restart my ping pong career?
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_02: That ship has sailed, man.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_02: So I was like, sir, please, please don't deport me.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just drunk, stupid college student.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_02: I'm every bit American.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_02: I can recite you every single Jay-Z lyric if you want me to.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_02: I'm in three fantasy football leagues.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_02: If that's not American, I don't know what it is.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_02: And I got very lucky.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_02: This is what he said.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_02: He was like, Look, kid, you got lucky.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_02: We're not gonna deport you today, okay?
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_02: But just don't ever do that again, or we send you back to where you came from.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_02: And this motherfucker was Asian.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, where I came from?
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_02: We came from the same place, dog.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_02: I think I saw you at my uncle's wedding two years ago.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_02: Why are you gonna throw me under the bus?
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_02: That guy definitely washed the Great Wall many times.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_02: But that was a very sobering experience.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_02: I'd been in the country for 10 years at that point, but I still wasn't American.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_02: Nothing has changed.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_02: I finally got my citizenship three years ago.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_02: And it's you know you know it's a client.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_02: My point is nothing has changed.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_02: Still Asian.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_02: Just because I got a new passport, nobody in any part of the world is gonna come up to me and be like, hey, look, there's an American! Holy shit! He looked just like Rocky Balboa, oh my god.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no, no.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_02: The first day I got my passport, I was feeling real patriotic.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_02: So I went to my local Hooters.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_02: I was drinking a Coors Light.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_02: I was watching a World Cup, it was USA versus Mexico, and I was like, man, I'm cheering for team USA.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_02: I'm American, finally.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_02: And this old Mexican dude came up to me.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_02: He couldn't really speak English.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_02: And this is what he said.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_02: He was like, Amigo! Amigo, Mexico! Korea! Tomorrow, huh?
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about?
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_02: What are you trying to start World War III or something?
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not even Korean! He managed to insult me with the only three English words he knew.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_02: So I really felt the need to explain myself.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, sir, I'm s I'm not I'm not Korean, I'm Chinese.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_02: And then he looked back to his friends, he was like, oh, Pinchichinito, huh?
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, sir, you you do know that I can understand what that means, okay?
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_02: I have Mexican friends back home just like you.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_02: He was like, no, I'm not Mexican, I'm El Salvador.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, oh great, now I'm the f racist.