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How to Get Over Your Self-Sabotage · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode is produced by my friends at WalkWest.
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  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
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  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
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  SPEAKER_01: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
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  SPEAKER_01: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Hi there, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, when you've chosen to tune in to this episode, I just want to say thank you.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend with me.
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  SPEAKER_00: And today I'm going to be talking about self-sabotage.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: What is it?
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  SPEAKER_00: Why do we do it?
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  SPEAKER_00: And how are how what are some steps that we might be able to take to just potentially end the self-sabotage?
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  SPEAKER_00: When we think about self-sabotage, what we're really referring to are self-destructive behaviors or patterns that affect us in a negative way.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: So a negative mindset about yourself, for instance, can lead to a lack of belief in yourself, making you think that you're flawed or there's something wrong with you, potentially that you're unlovable or you don't deserve certain things in your life.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: And when we have that negative mindset about ourselves or we have those limiting beliefs, sometimes we will engage in self-sabotage behaviors because it's almost as if we're fulfilling that underlying limiting belief.
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  SPEAKER_00: Other times I've seen self-sabotage happen when it's when we're trying to control a situation.
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  SPEAKER_00: And what I mean by that is, for instance, in relationships, if there's an underlying limiting belief of I'm not lovable or I don't deserve a good relationship or somebody who treats me well, one might enter into self-sabotaging behaviors so that at least then you can control the fallout.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Meaning there is such a deep-seated belief about self that then becomes a fear that eventually the relationship is going to end.
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  SPEAKER_00: So therefore, if I take action, again, this might not be a conscious thought, but if I take action and I self-sabotage and have the relationship end, at least then I'm I'm the one doing it.
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  SPEAKER_00: I'm the one in control.
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  SPEAKER_00: I have some understanding about the end of the relationship so I can have a semblance of control over the situation.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: So oftentimes what what we have found is that those self-sabotaging behaviors or those parts of ourselves that self-sabotage are either the ones that are operating with a false belief or they're the parts of us that are lacking in self-confidence or self-esteem.
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  SPEAKER_00: And when we engage in a routine of self-sabotage, that can actually lead to things like depression or anxiety or burnout or other other situations like disordered eating or substance abuse, those types of behaviors as well.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: So what's the difference between conscious and unconscious self-sabotage?
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  SPEAKER_00: So self-sabotage is anything you do or don't do that makes you feel bad about yourself or keeps you from potentially reaching your goals.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: So self-sabotage can be done unintentionally, that meaning it's it's from that subconscious place.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Now, we also can do it consciously though.
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  SPEAKER_00: So for instance, if there's excessive drinking as an example, that might be a more conscious decision of self-sabotage, right?
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, so for instance, if you know that if you were to drink heavily, and then generally speaking, you have a pattern of engaging in certain uh behavior patterns maybe with your partner, but then you continue to make that conscious decision.
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  SPEAKER_00: That's not a subconscious choice, that's a conscious choice to drink heavily.
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  SPEAKER_00: However, there's there is also that element of subconscious thoughts that are happening underneath that are contributing to the drinking patterns to begin with.
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  SPEAKER_00: So it can almost can be kind of either more of an and rather than an either-or, but sometimes it is just a conscious choice to self-sabotage.
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  SPEAKER_00: So, what does it look like when we're self-sabotaging?
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  SPEAKER_00: It might look like um, you know, not having boundaries, especially in toxic relationships.
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  SPEAKER_00: And you know that the relationship isn't healthy for you, but you continue to not have those boundaries, or you're constantly comparing yourself to others in a in a negative thought way, right?
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  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes we have comparison that can actually uh push us forward, but when we're constantly comparing ourselves, uh putting ourselves down, that could be a self-sabotaging behavior.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes uh you might find yourself doubting your skills and knowledge, and so then you you might engage in um avoiding work, which could be a self-sabotaging behavior because now as you avoid work, you're becoming less productive, and then maybe there are repercussions, for instance, um, from your boss.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Uh you may experience persistent inadequacy or incompetence, uh, fearing that people are going to see you as a fraud or a fake.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so then you might again choose to not engage, which could be a self-sabotaging behavior.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um, some of us have maladaptive perfectionism, which is setting extremely high real unrealistic goals for yourself, and that could be a self-sabotaging behavior.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: When we're thinking about how we work through self-sabotage, um, it's important to look at your own your own self, right?
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: So learning to develop self-awareness is really important because if you can learn what your patterns are, or you're able to recognize self-sabotaging parts of yourself and get curious with it, that self-awareness allows you a choice point to ask, well, one, what's true here, and two, how do I actually want to move forward and what would be in alignment with my value system?
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  SPEAKER_00: Looking at what triggers self-sabotage.
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  SPEAKER_00: So again, patterns.
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  SPEAKER_00: Is this something maybe a narrative that I've carried with me from childhood?
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  SPEAKER_00: Or just um, you know, is this a pattern that has been created throughout my adulthood?
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  SPEAKER_00: And and what are those triggers for that?
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  SPEAKER_00: And being able to, again, bring it to the forefront.
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  SPEAKER_00: Awareness is the opportunity to figure out how we want to move forward.
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  SPEAKER_00: So we can't we can't make a change unless we become aware of it.
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  SPEAKER_00: So becoming aware of the causes of the self-sabotage are important as well.
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  SPEAKER_00: Letting go of perfectionism is a huge one for self-sabotage because when you are, when you notice a pattern of perfectionism and holding yourself back, that can cause stress and worry.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: But also your perfectionism can lead you to self-sabotaging behaviors.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, procrastination, putting things off could be a self-sabotaging behavior as well, where you don't you choose not to engage in something, but then it becomes a bigger problem after the fact.
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  SPEAKER_00: So maybe taking, for example, um avoiding multitasking, but rather planning um specific things that you're gonna work on.
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  SPEAKER_00: Time blocking, for instance, is a great example of uh coming up with a way to avoid procrastination.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then of course being able to keep the big picture in mind.
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  SPEAKER_00: You know, what is what what is it that I'm trying to accomplish here?
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  SPEAKER_00: What is this overall goal or what is it that I envision for myself so that you don't beat yourself up for small mistakes along the way, but instead it becomes how did I learn and how can I move forward from this from whatever mistake, quote unquote mistake I think I've made.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so when when we're thinking about how we can work through self-sabotage, oftentimes it's difficult to see it for ourselves.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: So you might also want to have a support system in place or somebody who you can work with to help you become aware of some patterns.
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  SPEAKER_00: Because when we're in it, sometimes, you know, it's like when you're in the forest, you can only see the trees in front of you, but if you're actually up on a hill, you can see the whole thing.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes having that support system in place to help you see uh what those patterns are, whether they're thought patterns, belief patterns, um, behavior patterns, when you're able to see those, you can step back from it, observe it, and then make that choice for yourself of how you want to move forward.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: If you'd like to talk about this or anything else with me, feel free to reach out at chatwithcomedy.com.
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  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, stay well.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit our website at www.comedywood.com.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
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  SPEAKER_01: Username it's authentic me.
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  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening.