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A Vegas Hotel Room Rant After The Cubs Get Swept Again · Monday Morning Cubs Show

• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: Good morning, good afternoon, and evening, Chicago Cubs fans, and welcome back to the Monday Morning Cubs Show.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: Today is Memorial Day, uh, which is Monday, May 25th.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, I'm recording this on Sunday night, May 24th, solo in a Las Vegas hotel room.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, it's a solo Monday show, which which, to be honest with you, we've lost how many in a row?
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: Two in fucking something, 10, 11 over the last 13.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I think a solo show from a Las Vegas uh hotel room might bother me more than anything else.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna personally get that off my chest.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'm in Vegas for my 70th, for my father-in-law's 70th birthday party.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: We're here celebrating.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: We watched the Cubs get their fucking asses kicked today again for the seventh time in a row, six times straight at home, basically seventh if you include the crosstown classic.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and I had a night, I had a nice show planned with Mahoney.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, we're doing solo, and it's a solo fucking show.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, I had a nice show planned with Mahoney, and the purpose of the show that I had played with Mahoney was to just like we could come up with funny ways to figure out about the fact that we've lost seven in a row, that we just blew six games, you know.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: So I came up with a bunch of funny baller strikes, but if I'm solo and there's no Mahoney, um, you know, then fuck it.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: You know, if Tim's not here to do the, you know, and not have fun with it, then then fine.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: Let me just be clear about this.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: Fuck this team.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: That's how I feel, then if it's just gonna be a propped up Monday Cub show like this, you know, we did a funny segment in the suite, you know, we were in a suite on on Friday, paid, paid for by friends of the show.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: And so here we are doing the show, and so it's a solo Monday show.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: So uh, you know, after making arrangements like this, you had there is a little bit of a fucking chip on my shoulder about the fact that I knew that I would be in a bad mood about the fact we just got swept by the Astros, we got swept by the Brewers.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: So there's this starting point.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna be a short show, and the opening of the show is that I'm not in a very good fucking mood, to be honest with you guys.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: So if anybody sat out the fact on this one, now's a good time to throw it in here.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: If you've gotten a chance, check on a sampler platter from Thirsty Baccaro, I'll bite no rattle, Mexican style soda with a signature spicy finish.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: You know, delicious, absolutely delicious, 100% organic agave, less than 90 calories per 16 out serving, less than half the type of you know, sugars you get from a uh can of soda.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like any of you guys give a fuck.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like any of you guys actually care right now about their sugar while we're getting our door.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: I have to wash my language.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Mrs.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Carl's sitting on the other side of the hotel room looking at me like a psychopath.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm not very happy.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: Be quite frank with you guys.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: Let's start with the quality of this baseball team.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: Absolute shit.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: Craig goes, I'm gonna change the lineup.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: PC's gonna lead off.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: Are you out of fucking mine?
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: Walk rate up to 9%.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: So we'll start there.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: We're just gonna talk about the stuff we're mad about.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: You know, if we have time, I'll run the Mahoney segment with me and him in the suite when Mahoney's on the fucking show with me.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not running a Mahoney segment in the suite.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, you know, Memorial Day under these circumstances.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: So maybe we'll do that for maybe Mahoney will come back for the second show this week.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: But right now, fine.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: Cut me loose, you know.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: Absolute trash performance against the Houston Astros who have the worst pitching staff in the American League.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: All right, and they ran it down our fucking throats.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're a Chicago Cubs fan, yeah, be mad.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: And the people that are going, it's May 24th, wait till the Stanley Cup playoffs are over.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we don't even know if Dispersion of the Thunder are gonna make it through the Western Conference final.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: I want to put you on a list too.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: And the top of that list is called You Can Suck My Fucking Dick.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: I don't give a flying fuck.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry for your children are listening to this.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry if this is on at your work.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: That's on you.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: Put this in your microphones.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: You know, this is not for public consumption.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: If you're a maniac and you have sat through this team, you deserve a bronze star, a gold medal, a fucking purple heart.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: What do they give out to people who have endured just unfathomable amounts of conflict?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: That's what you've earned.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: Lose, win, lose, win.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: First 13 games of the season.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: Did you know that?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: Then they lost the 14, six and eight, then 10 in a row, then three losses in a row, then 10 wins in a row, now seven losses in a row.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, honestly, I'd rather if you guys just took me out back, kicked the ever god loving shit out of me, then shot me in the fucking head.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like making me suffer before you kill me, is what I'm saying.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: And that is exactly what's going on right now at this fucking team.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: Now, there's a plenty of reasons to get mad about them.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: The payroll, the fucking lack of play, the offense looks like shit.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: Craig counsels at pussy.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: We have no farm system.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: The guys we do bring up look like a bunch of fucking jabronies.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we just have absolutely no willpower, no firepower.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: We have no power, period.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: Last year we were six in Major League Baseball and slugging percentage.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: Do you mind watching the makeup in the bathroom, honey?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, to be fair, you know how much I love you.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: We got nothing.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: We got nothing.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I got?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: I got a fucking I got a bunch of makeup brushes falling on the ground of the fucking bathroom in Las Vegas.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: With that in mind, I want to thank everybody for tuning in.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: Today is brought to you by Thursday Vicaro.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: Here's a man your own work day.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: Snort this one on the airplane, the loud pop there.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know, set it before, set it again.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: Go on Amazon, get yourself a sampler platter, throw it in the car.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: If that's not easy enough for you, you're probably pathetic.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: I cannot make it easier to put a Thirsty Vicero in your hands and just saying Amazon, have you heard of it?
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: Jeff Bezos, have you heard of this guy?
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: He has a store, it's online.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: You go to it.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so just picking up a couple pieces from last week.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, Pico Armstrong, you've officially moved into bitch territory until you can control a barrel over the middle of a major league strike zone.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: You're a bitch.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: You're officially a bitch.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: You're a loud, whiny, cunt bitch.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: And that's how I feel when we lose seven in a row.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: And you're gonna ask me to do a solo show in Vegas for my father-in-law's 70th birthday party.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: Excuse me, guys, it'd be a little late to dinner.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: I just have to sit down and explain to a couple manions here for a second that we are soft, we are gutless, we are lifeless, we are nothing but a bunch of soft fucking pussy bullshit, slapdick, humorless.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: I I I'm I the fact that we've lost seven in a row, six against it, three, prime competition three, as bad as pitching staff as you can possibly get, cannot fucking scratch or run together.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: This team blows.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: This team absolutely blows right now.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: Forget about the month of May.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: And anybody who's talked about should we fire Craig Council?
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: Sure, why the fuck not?
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: He sucks.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: He couldn't, he couldn't, he couldn't fucking manage his kid at Northwestern.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: What are you talking about?
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: He can't the Craig Council absolutely sucks right now.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: He sucks.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: So here's how it turns.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: Here's how you go, well, how does Craig Council not suck?
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I guess we have to figure out how to how does four weeks from now do we come back and we go, well, Craig Council doesn't suck.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: Well, four weeks from now represents you know 23 games.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: And as I've talked about at the start, you know, be going into this Astro series, we were owing over 25 games.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: Now we're owing three, so there's 22 games ahead.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: So basically, over the next four weeks.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: If it's four weeks from now and we're lifeless, fire Craig Council.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I don't give a fuck about the starting pitching injuries.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: All right, you're not gonna convince me that so and so and this and that, and Eddie Kabrera sucks, and Cody Minaker's not that good, and Craig got dealt the wrong hand.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: I don't give a flying fuck at$40 million.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: I don't care if he's gonna get paid eight million dollars a year.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: He needs to figure it on.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: At eight million bucks a year, I feel like you could hire someone to figure that out.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like at eight million dollars a year, you could have someone in the dugout who makes great decisions.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like for eight million dollars a year, we could have somebody who leads and inspires and improves the culture in the community.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: As in opposed to what we get for$8 million is A, the biggest boner in the National League Central, no doubt about it.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: All right, B, a lifeless, gutless pussy, start to finish.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: The last person you'd ever want to have a fucking cocktail with is Craig Council.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: If I told you I go, hey, Craig Council's in the hotel lobby, he'd love to get together with you.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: Your mind would just go to like, what does he want to do?
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: Get a fucking vanilla milkshake, a shade shake, because he's a pussy.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: No, Craig Council's a bitch, and this team sucks right now.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: Seven in a row, six all this week, 0-6, not one and five, not two and not even a glimmer of hope against your division fake rival who's won the division four years in a row.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: So, no, I'm gonna sit in this hotel lobby.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I should say this hotel room is beautiful, gorgeous, north facing on the strip, 57th floor, stunning, really, just a tremendous upgrade coming out of first class.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: So that was nice.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it the whole the whole trip to Vegas has been just a stunner, just a real gorgeous, beautiful opportunity to sit down with family and have a good time, and then you gotta sit and you gotta watch the Cubs games in the middle of the day.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: And um, you know, that's where the self-harm comes into play.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: So, should PCA lead off?
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: No, PCA should hit eighth.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: Anybody who enjoyed watching PCA lead off, fuck off.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: Anybody who cares about the fact that his walk rate's 9% last year is 4.6%, you can also fuck off.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: That's an indictment on PCA's inability to define the type of player he wants to be.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: Are you gonna walk or are you gonna slug, Pete?
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: You're not gonna do both right now.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: So he wants to walk.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: Good for you, Pete.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: Because you didn't want to hit the ball the other way, you don't want to bunt, you don't want to put the ball on the ground and lay it out.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: No, you want to swing for home runs.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: And then when that gets too hard, what do you do?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: You tighten the strike zone, you improve your walk rate.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: And where's the slug at, Pete?
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's non-existent because you look like a buffoon in the plate.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: Meanwhile, Ian Happ, probably not an everyday player right now.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: Can't do it when you stare at balls down the middle of a plate.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: Matt Shaw's on the IL, which means Saiy Suzuki is your everyday right fielder, which means about sometime in the next 14 to 21 business days, I will have to explain to you guys the next injury to Saiy Suzuki's body because he can't play every fucking day.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: All right, that's how I feel right now.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: Michael Bush, grouse and balls.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: Either hit left-handed pitching or willfully sit on the bench against it.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: But you do not put me in between both because you suck against lefties and then you have to readjust against righties, and we don't have a different formula, so you have to hit at the top of the right, you have to hit top of the rotation against left-handed pitching, top of the lineup against left against right-handed pitching.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: I butchered that one.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: 12 minutes into the show.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'm all fired up.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: I thought I'd be sitting here baller strike with my honey.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: Baller strike, we're gonna be fine.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: Baller strike, the brewers are fucked.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: Baller strike, we're coming back.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: Nope.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: No baller strike.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, just sitting here mad about the fact that I'm gonna be late to my father-in-law's 70th fucking birthday dinner.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: Mad about the fact that I'm sitting here trying to put together a decent fucking show for a team that goes 0-6 at home over the week.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, and if it if 0-6 isn't good enough for you, I hope one and eight is.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_01: Because that's what they did on their nine-game homest that Ian Hap was so happy to talk about on the compound podcast.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: Just wait, we have 10 days at home, nine games in the Chicago Land area with an off-day sandwich in between.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna be fine.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, fuck you, Ian Hap.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: Michael Confordo played today for you.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: You suck.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: You suck right now.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: You're trash, you take pitches down the middle of the plate and you make fucking excuses.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: And that's the problem with this team because Major League Baseball is obviously difficult.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: People are gonna struggle, people are obviously gonna have a hard time.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's a whole league of adjustments and all that bullshit.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: My problem is there's no urgency that these guys have the balls to look at us in the middle of May and be like, whatever, it's May.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, yeah, pussy.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I sat there in the middle and late September and watched you guys cough up a couple fucking games.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I can tell you right now, there's times when I go back and go, I wish we had that one in May, and we're talking about the exact game you guys just lost, and you're telling me it's not a big deal.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: Fuck you.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: Fuck you, fuck you, Craig Council, fuck you, Dansby Swanson, fuck you, Alex Bregman, fuck you, Nico Horner.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: Because when the times are great and when things are good and you feel great and everything's amazing, of course it's such a good time, right?
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then how do you come out and you explain seven gutless, lifeless, lossless, fucking hopeless L's in a row?
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: How do you do that?
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: How do you come out and look me in the eyes and go, this is how we just die?
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely fucking destroyed at home against the White Sox on the road at home.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: You know, oh, the Brits so hard.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_01: The Braves are so good, you don't understand.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: They're time to face Chris Sale.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: You won the Chris Sale game, and then you come home and it's just a complete embarrassment.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: One eight over these nine.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: You know.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: So we've talked before, fine, they got six games coming up sometime in June against the Giants and the uh Rockies, who are two of the five objective sellers in Major League Baseball at this point in the season, two of the five worst teams in Major League Baseball.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and and what'll happen is they'll go they'll go seven and five and they'll claw their way out, they'll go eight and four, and they'll say, see, we told you, but here I am going blow me.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we have four starting pitchers, we have four of them, and and God help the social media team that posted today, congratulations to Colin Ray, you know, on a quality start.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like we're getting we're getting blanked by nobody, by nothing.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we we're so bad right now that the only way I could say and spin this positively is that it can't get worse.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: Because if it does get worse, then we're starting to fight the laws of mathematical possibility.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: I don't mean probability, I'm saying possible.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: Is it possible?
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: I mean probable.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: Could this happen?
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: Is there a universe?
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: Is there a situation or are there a set of circumstances in the natural fucking laws of existence that would allow a team to win 10 in a row, lose seven in a row, win 10 in a row, lose six in a row?
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: Is that something that can possibly happen?
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that's where my mind goes.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: As my mind's thinking about the Kilamari.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: If I'll be dead honest with you, my head is in the Kilamari right now.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_01: You know, my head is definitely not in the fact that we we couldn't beat the at and we couldn't beat the Astros.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: The Astros have a 5.5 team ERA, which means on average, if you go and play the Astros in five innings, you should have three runs.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: I I don't think people understand what I'm talking about here when I say we got absolutely fucking destroyed.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm sorry about the F-words, but not at all, in the least bit, because I don't I I don't care.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: What I don't care about at all is anyone's emotional state right now.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: I don't care if your feelings are hurt, if this is this is too harsh for you, if you just like to enjoy the Cubs because when you were a little boy, you watched it with your grandpa.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: Grandpa's fucking dead, like everybody else's grandfather.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: He's fucking dead, and you don't watch the Cubs with him anymore.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: And guess what?
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: They play lifeless, gutless, uninspiring baseball that would have him throwing his television remote off the wall through the television screen.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: He'd be so fucking mad you'd have to call mom afterwards and be like, Is grandpa always like this?
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: And she's gonna be like, No, honey, he just gets like that sometimes.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_01: In the meantime, he was always like that.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, he did three years in Korea, all right?
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_01: He flew the fucking planes, not the fighter gilet, the fighter pilots.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: I'm talking about the cargo supply missions, dangerous territory.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: This guy's got scars, he lost friends, he's got plenty of fucking issues, and the one thing he can do is he can bond with his grandson about the Chicago Cubs, and right now they are doing nothing but making him absolutely embarrassed to the core.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: A guy who represented the United States fucking Marine Corps in armed conflict and combat, the guy who's seen it as hard as it possibly gets, and he looks at you and he goes, I have to turn this off.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_01: I can't watch anymore.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna puke my guts out.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: Meanwhile, opening scenes and save it, Private Ryan, no problem at all.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: No problem at all.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: But what he can't stomach, what he physically cannot stomach, is a Sunday home game against the Houston Astros.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: We have a 3-2 lead, and we're not even in the fucking game.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: I can't say that clear enough.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: 3-2 in the fifth inning, not even a game.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: So what's the spin zone here?
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: There is no spin zone.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: The spin zone is we need to suck it up and pray for a miracle at this point.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: You know, will this show come back and haunt me?
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: Probably, mostly because I'm gonna miss this dinner with my father-in-law's 70th birthday because I've been over here waiting to fire this fucking show up.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: So, no.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'm mad about a bunch of things right now.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_01: But the fact that we've lost seven in a row is certainly at the top of the list.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: The fact that we've lost seven in a row is at the absolute top of the list.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: And then here's the question is can it get better?
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: The answer is no.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: Jordan Wicks cannot command his fastball.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: He just got called up for Eddie Cabrera, who's going on his Phantom IELTS with finger blisters, even though his shoulder shot.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: We all know it.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: We all know it.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: Showed us 700 runs a day.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: Forget the number one stuff with him.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: James and Tang is throwing batting practice to a fucking junior high team.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that face southeasterly wins.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: At least Colin Ray has balls.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_01: But now Jordan Wicks is gonna get a start.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna I'm gonna have to sit here and watch Ben Brown do this.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: In the meantime, Justin Steele's getting paid.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: Kate Orton's getting paid.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_01: Bad boy, don't worry about those guys, they're getting paid.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_01: Jackson Wiggins, all that shit.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_01: So I hope Chad Hoyer feels good, buddy.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: Carter Hawkins, feel good, buddy.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: You guys did a bang up job.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: You have an absolute bang up job.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: Javi Rossad and AAA, the way he's working out.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, honestly, all you guys, and I've said this before, I've said it again.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_01: I've gotten a little aggressive here with the with the home erotic callouts, but like get on your knees and fucking blow me, Carter Hawkins.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I think of you.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's that that's quite frankly what I think you're a guy, I think you suck dick.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and I don't mean it in the esoteric or metaphysical sense.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: I mean I I quite literally think you're a guy who gets out of bed in the morning and just craves putting one in his mouth.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_01: Because I hate, I mean, I just cannot, I just cannot think of somebody who represents less of what it means to wear the uniform.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe there's guys who've worn the uniform that have enjoyed giving blowjobs.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know the whole extent of that.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not trying to offend people.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_01: What I'm just talking about is just a pure violation of Carter Hawkins' personal space and how he how much rage he incites for me.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: Where I I hate his guts, I hate his guts, and I hate this team that they put together, and I hate the way they play, and I hate Craig Counsel's answers, and I hate the fact that we can be the best team in the National League one week, and we can be the worst team in the National League the next week.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so, what's the point of sitting here and going through scounter reports on the opposing team when we get blanked by the worst we see?
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: Who gives a fuck?
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: Who gives a fuck about the other team?
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, Alex Pregunt looks like he's in a wiffle ball league with Jared Caribis.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: And no joke about it.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I like Jared, fucking nice guy, but he's taking he's taking wiffle ball cuts.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: Dan's me swanson looks 27 and a half million dollars.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: He owes me 28.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: He owes me money.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: He owes me money from having.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: To sit here and watch that.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: Because it is the timing's off, the balance is off, the reach is off.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: You don't look like a big leader, you know?
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe it happened quickly, maybe not.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and maybe this team just needs a big time reality check.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe there's Oysters Rockefeller waiting for me downstairs in the lobby of this fucking hotel.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know, these are the things that are on the top of my mind.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_01: What is not on the top of my mind is happiness, uh good baseball, or anything that should inspire anyone to feel good about the fact that you cheer for the Chicago Cubs.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, it's the quite opposite.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: If I were you, I would get off right now.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: You know.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: If I were you, I would just there's no reason to cancel the marquee subscription.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: These are these are guys who when it got hard, it was too hard for them.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't think they'd be like that, but that's who they are right now.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: And and I'm gonna give them the benefit of the doubt and say maybe there's an opportunity where they can spin this around for me.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: But here's what I will not do.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: I will not continue to sit in the 57th floor of this absolute gorgeous Las Vegas casino while my father-in-law is waiting to fucking break bread over a great steak dinner, and I'm not gonna sit here and lick my wounds anymore about a team that doesn't give a flying shit about me, much less you.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm sorry for the profanity of this episode.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: I really am.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: If you know me, I'm working on it.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_01: But there are just absolute times where there's just that you just as a measure of a man, you know, like I'll sit here.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: I went an hour and 49 minutes previewing that Crosstown Classic.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_01: I told you everything you wanted to know about the players for the White Sox.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_01: Do you think I give one flying shit about what we're doing tomorrow on Memorial Day weekend, buddy?
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_01: When the cabana opens up at 8 a.m.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: and closes at 8 p.m.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_01: You're out of your mind, you're out of your gourd.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: There's one person I'll tune into tomorrow, and that's Coom Dog slash Pat Hughes.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: There's one one cord that gets my attention right now, and it's Pat Ron.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm hot.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm very mad.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm late for a dinner.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna get dressed up, I'm gonna feel good, I'm gonna do the best I can to shake this off.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: This equipped, this is a late, this is a Monday morning, this is a Monday morning Memorial Day show sponsored by Thirsty Vacero.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_01: Just a solo, just a solo.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_01: I had a sweet segment with Mahoney.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_01: I thought you guys would enjoy.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_01: But uh, Tim needs to be here physically in order for us to enjoy that.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, and so that isn't the case right now.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_01: And the the case right now is just we're fucking mad, and maybe that's best for everybody.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, that's a conversation to be had a different time right now.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_01: Obviously, you know how this works.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'm keeping it under 30 minutes.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_01: If you guys get a chance, throw me a five-star on Apple or Spotify, and it helps with the fucking sponsors.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't believe me, then I just have to show you, and then I'll have to ask again, and then it'll be awkward.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, the smartest thing would be just take my word for it.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_01: You know, just take my word for it, just go in there and just throw five fucking stars down.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_01: All right, it ain't that hard.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_01: So, uh, I'm late for a steak dinner, could have some seafood, probably gonna crack a little bit of sushi here.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_01: Hope you guys are doing well.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's Memorial Day, you know.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_01: God bless America.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_01: Your favorite thing is this baseball team that can't win a goddamn game.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: So, as I've said before, and I'll say again, hopefully this is the worst part of the season.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_01: Hopefully, it doesn't get harder than this.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_01: Hopefully, the trade deadline improves things.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_01: Hopefully, there's light at the end of the tunnel.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_01: Because at this point, I think it is a coin flip away from just canceling the season.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_01: And until I see good, decent, decent.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't say good, I meant decent, below, below good, just decent average baseball until I see that uh, you know, I'm not subject to change my mind.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_01: So this is the Monday morning cup show.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's Carl here.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm in Las Vegas.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_01: I'm signing off until next time.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_01: God bless.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_01: Love you guys.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_01: We'll talk soon in Go Cup.