Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #1227 - Why the Kids Don't Listen (R)

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#1227 - Why the Kids Don't Listen (R) · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: I kind of feel like I need to begin today's
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: podcast with a sigh, just a big ah, and I'll
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: tell you why, because kids and listening kids, and so
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: many times it's got to be one of the most
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: commonly asked questions that I get. And yet just recently
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: we had a situation at home where the kids weren't
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: listening to me, and I thought, what's the advice that
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: I give to everybody else because I need it right
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: now and I couldn't remember it. So I got a
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: little bit mad. I was like, come one, you've got
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: to do better than this. Why won't the kids listen?
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Today on the Happy Families Podcast, five reasons your children
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: are not listening to you and five things you can
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: do to make them want to listen to you.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: I know when our kids were younger, we actually wondered
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: whether we're or not. We had some hearing challenge.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: We literally had one of the kids is tested. Paid
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: a lot of money for it. Government usually covers that
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: depending on which state you're in Australia. Now, I think
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: it's a federally covered thing, but if you're unsure, I mean,
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: let's acknowledge there is a serious side to this. If
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: you have a child with low hearing or no hearing,
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: then well this podcast episode is probably not for you,
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: and no, actually I think that it will be. But
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: we're mainly going to be talking about kids who have
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: perfectly good hearing and they just are not not responding.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: They're non compliant. If you want to find out if
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: your kid's hearing is good, you can get the free test,
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: or you can stand at the door of the bedroom
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: that they're in and say who wants ice cream? You'll
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: get a response, you'll know an.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: You can't just say who wants ice cream? You have
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: to whisper.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: Of course, even while they're on a screen, they're still
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: going to look up and go uh huh. I mean
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: that's when you know.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: Or you don't even have to say anything. Just open
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: a packet of biscuit.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah they hear the crinkly yeah yeah, yeah they're there.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: You got it, You got it? Okay. Five reasons. Five
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: reasons your children are not listening to you.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: Can I tell you number one? It's two words, yeah,
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: care factor. They don't care what you're talking about.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, you're a five.
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: Year old and you're playing with your lego. The last
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: thing you want to do is look up and listen
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: to mum because she wants you to go brush your
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: teeth because it's time for bed.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: And that's the critical thing. They're not listening because we're
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: asking them to do stuff. There's all of this correction
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: and direction. It's never fun to listen to Mum or
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: dad because they're telling me to do something that I
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: don't want to do. And just on that care factor,
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: I mean, this is a question of motivation, I guess.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: But they don't have the same capacity, the same interest
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: in noticing things that we notice. So we walk into
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: the living room and we see two things on the
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: couch and three things on the floor, and we say, hm,
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: five things that need to be put away and then
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: this room will look beautiful. Kids walk into that living
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: room and they say lego.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: Or they look pretty lonely. They need more stuff.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, my goodness. So care factor is a huge one.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: A couple of other things. I want to make this point.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: They are listening. They just don't like what you're saying.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: I've said this to so many parents, and every time
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: I do, parents' eyes go ah, yeah yeah, because what
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: are you saying? How much how much reason are you
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: giving them to want to listen, usually not much. Unpack
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: the dish washer, put your bag away, pick up your towel,
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: Come to the table, Set the table. Why haven't you
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: fed the dogs yet? Like that, that's our conversation.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: We've had this conversation every morning for the last few
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: weeks about whose tone it is to feed the dog?
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: I know, And yesterday morning I devised a plan. Oh
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: did you I did. I'd ask two different children over
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: a duration of about ten minutes, to feed the dogs.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: There was no water in their bowls. They're scratching at
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: the door. They want their food.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: Please don't call the RSPCR. Folks, we do look after
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: our dogs. It's just that sometimes they have to wait
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: for their dinner.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: And after I finally asked the second child, who just
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: walked past me and ignored me, I went, right, okay, Annie,
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: you've got Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Lily you've got Tuesday Thursday
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: to teas. We can't forget that. And Emily you've got
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: the weekend. I need a plan that works for me
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: because I need to know. It has to be easy
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: for me to remember, right, because if I get to
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: Wednesday and I'm like, whose turn is it? No? One's
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: going to admit it's their turn, Whereas now I've got
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: a definite plan and they all looked at me and
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: they went okay, and the dogs got fed.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: So we have gone sideways a bit here, But let's
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: just emphasize if you want your children to be confident,
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: there has to be structure, and what you've done in
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: fifteen seconds or less is device the structure that everyone's
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: willing to comply with. And now we can satisfactorily keep
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: the dogs fed. See no reason to call the RSPCA.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: We've got this, we've got this cup. But I think
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: there's a couple of things that we need to highlight here.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: You've mentioned number one, in fact number one for you
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: that they don't care. That's part of a broader issue
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: for me, and that is that they don't have the
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: same capacity to care because they're so egocentric. Children between
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: the ages of I don't know, two and sixty two
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: tend to really care about themselves and not other people.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: Well that's probably unfair two and twelve sixty two, Yeah, okay,
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: And so what's important to you in your world is
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: just not important to them in their world. When you
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: say we need to get into the car. I have
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: a meeting, and if I'm late for the meeting, that's
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: going to be bad. The kids because are like, no,
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: it's not it doesn't affect me at all. I'm fine,
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: it doesn't affect them. So there's the capacity to care
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: that is tied to motivation and this idea of ego centrism.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: It's about me, my needs, my focus, my attention, and.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: Not because they're selfish, not literally, because developmentally this is
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: where they are at.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah perspective, what you care about your issues are not
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: my issues, And that sounds really selfish. But when you're
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: when you don't have the developmental capacity to care about
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: somebody else's issues in a meaningful way, that's what you get.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: That's why children are the way that they are once
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: they become teenagers. Another thing that happens is that other
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: voices simply become more interesting, parents' voices, being listened your
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: voice for more than a decade. Now I know it,
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: I've heard it. I'm used to it.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: We just to draw like you just drag on.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think we also have to acknowledge near adiversity,
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: low hearing children, the impact of screens. Sometimes the kids
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: are so focused on this screen. I think got their
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: headphones in or on or whatever, really hard to drab
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: their attention. So Number one, kids don't have the same
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: capacity to care, and we've talked about all of that.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: Number two, Kylie, kids don't have the same attention or capacity.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: In other words, when you and I are talking, when
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: two adults are involved in a conversation, we're able to
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: engage in a way that kids aren't able to engage in.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: They just don't have the same stamina, the same focus,
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: the same ability to zero in and say, okay, I'm listening,
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: I've got you. What's Number three, We will still love them.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: We will still love them like a teacher or a coach,
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: or a friend or a neighbor or whoever it might be.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: If kids don't follow the structure and the expectation, then
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: they might feel like they've lost the relationship. Other relationships
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: are short term. There's no guarantee that this is going
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: to keep going. But kids know I don't have to
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: listen to my parents, and they're obligated to continue to
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: love me. They've got me. It's cool. I can get
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: away with this.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: But I also don't feel like they have the confidence
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: that they can push back on the teacher either. You know,
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: when you think about other adults, they've learned quickly. Societal
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: norms suggests in societal rules that we need to be
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: compliant in certain scenarios and situations.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, all the kids in the classroom are doing that
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: as well.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: That's right. So there's this positive peer pressure that comes
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: in those settings when there's large numbers of kids all together.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: Number four is that silence and refusal mean different things
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: to us than what they mean to the kids. So
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: if your child refuses to put shoes on or refuse
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: us to get their school bag ready, as a parent,
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: because you're flustered and stressed and you need to get
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: out the door, and so did they, you might see
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: that as obstinates or refusal or some other frustrating thing.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: And guess what. For them, it might be that something
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: else matters more. Or it might be that they're scared
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: of going to school today because they know that that
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: presentation's due and they're not ready for it, or they
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: know that the teacher is not going to be there
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: and they're going to have a sub because they got
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: warning ahead of time, and they don't do well with
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: sub teachers. Those kinds of things.
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: I know with my teenagers when we sometimes having heated
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: conversations about why they haven't responded to me positively in
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: that moment, the acknowledgment is that I haven't recognized and
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: seen that they were in the middle of something, so
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: like I was just finishing what I was doing and
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: then I was going to get onto x y zed.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: So again, perspective from our end is just as important
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: as perspective from their end.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: Which kind of leads nicely into the fifth and final one,
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: and that is that quite often we talk to our
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: children and expect them to listen, but we do not
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: have their attention, so we're expecting that when we open
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: our mouths, everybody is going to focus on us. We
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: feel like we're the center of the universe instead of them.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: We think about how many conversations you have with your
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: kids and you call out from the other room right
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: you're not even in the same space, You're not making
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: eye contact, and you're expecting immediate compliance.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: After the break. Five things to do to help your
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: kids to want to listen to you.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: So we've talked about five reasons why the kids won't
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: listen to us, but everyone what's a good solution. You
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: said before the break that you've got five reasons to
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: help our kids listen to us. I'd love to hear them, and.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: They're all really easy. We can get through them super fast.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: Number One, make sure you have their attention before you
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: talk to them.
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: This is really important for young kids, especially.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: How obvious is this and how often do we not
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: do it? Yeah, just when you've got eye contact, when
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: there's some touch, when there's some genuine engagement, when you've
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: walked to them and said hey kiddo, and then you
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: see them look at you and say yeah mum or yeah,
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: that that's when you start talking.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: You know. Touch you said touch, and it just like
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: visually the amount of times where I've tried to call
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: from the other room haven't got any response, And then
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: I've walked in on our ten year old who's got
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: her nose in a book and I've literally just touched
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: her on the shoulder, I touched her on the hand,
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: and instant she's looked up at me.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's instant. Just Number one, have their attention before
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: you start talking.
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: What's number two.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: Number two is be involved, be involved. So quite often
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: we say go do this, Go do that there's a
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: lot of correction, a lot of direction, and not a
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: lot of connection.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: I was thinking about this in relation to the classroom.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: Teachers Obviously will will often have to do things and
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: not be literally with your child or with the class
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: as a whole, though they might race over to their
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: desk while they asked the kids to do something. But
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: more times than not, in a classroom situation, the teacher
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: say to the kids, all right, I want you two
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: straight lines here, find a partner and stand in line.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: But they're standing in that line at the front of
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: the line, and they're making eye contact with those kids
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: as they're kind of you know, moving around the room.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: They're right there with them. But at home, I know,
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: in my case, I'm like, okay, will you do this,
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: and I'll do the fifteen other things I've got to
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: do before we get out the door. And so as
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: soon as I walk out the door, they've forgot on
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: what I've said because they're engross and whatever they're doing.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: That's why I love all in that nighttime routine that
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: we usually have, although lately it's been a bit shoddy,
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: where the whole family comes into the kitchen and we
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: clean up the meal together. It's involved time we can talk.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: Everybody's listening, paying attention. No one complains during that period
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: that no one's listening to me. Because you're involved and
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: you're doing it together, I know, it feels like it's
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: going to take longer. The great paradox is that it
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: usually does not take as long because everybody's doing it together.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: Or it does take longer, it it's because you're actually
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: enjoying yourself and having fun. You don't want it to end.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: That's right, And relationships are not built on efficiency. It's
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: not the purpose of relationships. Number three. Just be patient,
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: like wait, call out to your child, maybe even invite
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: them to do something, and then wait. Because when I
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: ask parents how long they usually wait between request number
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: one and then the follow up, I just asked you
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: to do something, The answer by most parents is like
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: four seconds. Hey, put your shoes on.
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: You haven't moved yet.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: I said, put your shoes on.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: It like, give them a minute, just wait, just be
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: a little bit patient.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: I think that it will it will help.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: Number four.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: This one is my favorite one because a lot of
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: parents say, oh, all this soft parenting where you get
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: down at their level and you look them in the
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: eyes and hold their sweet little hands and whisper sweet
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: nothings to them as you try to gently coax them
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: into doing what you want. No no, no, no, no accountability, accountability.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: So I don't know how often you've seen me do this,
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: but I'll ask the kids to do something, and then
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: I will stand in front of them and just wait
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: until they move there but and get on with it.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: And sometimes I'll stand there for twenty seconds and I'll
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: look up and they're like what, And I'll say, I
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: asked you to do something? What was it? And I'm
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: like oh, And They've got of the voices and all
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: the eye rolls. But I just stand there until they
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: get on with it, and I'll off it. Would you
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: like me to be involved with you while you do it?
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: We can do it together if you like. I just
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: I need you to do this. It's time and sometimes
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: it has to be done instantly. Other times I'll be like,
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: just get this done before the end of the week, right,
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: like the lawns need to be mode. I want it
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: done by the weekend.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: As a tangent to this, I think are really a
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: wonderful principle that we've used in our home as gentle reminders.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: We use a lot of words as parents, and when
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: we make a request and it's not done instantly. One
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: of the things that we have often used in our
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: home is just gone up to the kids and gone, hey, kiddo,
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: the lawns. We don't have to give them the long lecture.
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: It's a gentle reminder, but they know.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: They still go, oh, but we're not nagging, right And
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: number five the last one, and I think this one's
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: probably the most important One've all be the kind of
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: person that they want to pay attention to.
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: You talk about the idea of soft parenting, and you know,
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: do I have to hold my kid's hand? But yeah,
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: I want to hold my kid's hand like they're my people,
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: and I want them to know that I'm their person.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: And the softer I can be with them, the better
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: of my relationship is with them, and therefore I will
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: be the person they want to listen to.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: I only going to use the word soft, and I
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: agree with you, but I would change the word or
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: maybe add another word, and that would be fun. Like
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: just recently, I was doing a seminar and somebody asked
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: a question about how do I how do I really
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: connect with my children better. And I gave all these long,
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: really good science the answers and all the I really
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: nailed the answer, and then I paused. Just as I
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: was finishing, I was like, you know what, all that's
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: really important, but if you really want to connect with
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: your kids, just make it fun. Be a fun person.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: I just had a visual a flash mob. Ask the
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: kids to do something and break into songs. Yeah, just
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: make it fun, flashing lights. If they're not listening to you,
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: it's because you're probably not fun. I know that's a
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: bit of a sort of a bit of a slam,
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: but as parents, we can pretty much all acknowledge that
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: most of the time we are not fun, and if
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: we could be more fun, our kids would be really
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: happy to listen to us. One of my good mates
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: spend a lot of time riding bikes with this friend
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: of mine, Chris, and he is what I would call
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: just a brilliantly fun dad.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: Chris. Every Friday, he's got this tradition. He takes the
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: kids down of the cafe and buys them breakfast. Spends
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: far too much money on breakfast, hates spending the money,
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: but just knows that the value of having that Friday
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: morning tradition with the kids. It's fun. He takes them
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: go karting that they're into that. He makes his own
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: he builds his own go karts. I mean, this guy
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: is just clearly not me. But he makes time together
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: fun and that's what you need to do. That's how
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: you build a relationship, right, you have fun together.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: As parents, we're pretty highly strung most of the time.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: Most of the time.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: I remember a story about your friend Dave. You were
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: in the pool one day. Kids had these water soakas and.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: We weren't in the pool. We got for a ride
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: on a stinking hot day. It was like forty two
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: degrees and we were thinking about getting in the pool,
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: but the water was so cold, and.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: The kids were in there, weren't they they were they
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: were playing.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: It was like it was so cold, so cold, And
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: I've did my toe in the water and I'm like, nuh,
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: not getting in there. And as I've turned around to
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: say to Dave, I don't think I'm having a swim,
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: I felt this icy pain in the smaller of my
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: back because the kids have hit me with a super
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: socer and I've turned around to get cranky at this
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: child to say, what are you doing? But I remember
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: I'm a parenting expert and I've got Dave the Bachelor,
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: forty two years old, no kids standing beside me, and
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I've got to be really nice about this.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: And before I could figure out what to say, they
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: hit him with the super socer right at the chest,
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: right in the chest, and you.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: Know what he did.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: He went ah, He grabbed his chest and then he
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: fell into the pool in spite of the fact that
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: it was so cold, and the kids swam over and
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: they jumped on his shoulders and they started to clamber
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: all over him, and I thought, hmmm, yeah, the pairing
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: experts being miserable on the side of the pool while
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: the guy with no kids is in there showing him
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: how to do it.
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: We've got to have more fun.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin rule On.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: We really hope that the ideas we've given you today
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: will help you to get the kids to listen better
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: and want to listen to you. Thanks so much for listening.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: We love sharing these things with you. If you'd like
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: more about how to make you family happier, the best
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: stuff is in our Happy Families membership. You can find
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: it online at happyfamilies dot com dot au. Check it
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: out