Latest / Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design / 141 | What If Resistance Around Money Is Really Nervous System Protection?
Transcript
- 0:01Erin Gray: What if the resistance that you feel isn't something that you need to get rid of?
- 0:05Erin Gray: What if it's actually inviting you to go within?
- 0:09Erin Gray: Today, we are going to be exploring resistance, the way that it shows up with your money and also just in general with your life, like if you're feeling like you just want a certain phase or a certain circumstance to just hurry up and be over.
- 0:26Erin Gray: We're going to be diving into that.
- 0:27Erin Gray: Resistance is not an issue.
- 0:30Erin Gray: I believe it truly is the messenger, and when we learn how to listen, that's when things really start to shift.
- 0:37Erin Gray: So, before we dive in, if you have been noticing resistance around your money, around how you're feeling with your money, just in general with your life, if you have been noticing resistance around your money, around how you're feeling with your money, just in general with your life, if you're ready to move through it with support from a place of love and compassion and understanding, not like trying to force it or repress it or make it go away I would love to support you To schedule a call to see if we are a good fit for each other.
- 1:04Erin Gray: You can click the link in the show notes.
- 1:05Erin Gray: Okay, so let's talk about resistance.
- 1:08Erin Gray: First of all.
- 1:09Erin Gray: It's not a problem, like everything just is.
- 1:13Erin Gray: Nature just is the state of our planet just is what's happening in the world just is world just is we.
- 1:23Erin Gray: That's circumstances, right, but we have thoughts, we have feelings around it.
- 1:27Erin Gray: Okay, so resistance is not a problem, it just is.
- 1:37Erin Gray: And the way that resistance shows up and it can be kind of sneaky, like our brains, our bodies are very, very good at protecting us.
- 1:42Erin Gray: Resistance can look like not sitting down with your money when you say you would.
- 1:46Erin Gray: It could look like either some other event that's on your calendar and not doing it when you have it on your calendar to do.
- 1:54Erin Gray: It can look like wanting a certain season or a circumstance in your life that you are currently experiencing to just be done with.
- 2:03Erin Gray: Already I've had clients tell me before I'm just so over this, I'm just ready to be done with this, this part or this phase that's happening in my life, and what that tells me is that they are not wanting to feel what needs to be felt in that moment.
- 2:18Erin Gray: Right, because the only reason why we want something to go away is because the feeling that we are currently feeling is uncomfortable.
- 2:26Erin Gray: So if we can sink into the feeling, if we can like.
- 2:31Erin Gray: The image that comes to my mind is like a hug, right, if we can hug the season of life that we are in, if we can become softer with it and more compassionate and curious with it, like we will get so much information from it.
- 2:45Erin Gray: Resistance, you know, even looks like not having those hard conversations that we know and that we have said that we are going to have.
- 2:53Erin Gray: And so many of us look at resistance like it's a and I'm air quoting a negative thing.
- 2:58Erin Gray: You know, like I've had clients say, well, I'm just being lazy, or you know, I'm just not cut out for it, or just whatever the brain is offering up.
- 3:05Erin Gray: You know, well, I'm just being lazy, or you know I'm just not cut out for it, or just whatever the brain is offering up.
- 3:08Erin Gray: You know, like we don't have willpower.
- 3:11Erin Gray: But in my experience, what I have seen in clients, with myself, with other people in my life, is that resistance is actually a form of protection.
- 3:21Erin Gray: Our bodies are so intelligent, so intelligent, our minds are so intelligent.
- 3:29Erin Gray: It is this beautiful way of saying that something feels overwhelming right now, or this doesn't feel safe, or this feels a little scary, or insert whatever feeling that may be occurring that is creating this resistance.
- 3:47Erin Gray: And this could be sometimes because maybe you are in a normal, like your familiar state of being, is in that fight or flight, right, like I call it that survival.
- 3:58Erin Gray: Maybe that's where you are.
- 4:00Erin Gray: So anything that you are trying to do outside of that that's added to that, is just like putting extra on your nervous system.
- 4:08Erin Gray: Maybe you are already at what I call like that window of tolerance, right, like anything else just feels like too much.
- 4:16Erin Gray: Sometimes it's it's because you might have been consistently and maybe even unknowingly right, ignoring grief or fear or anger that is wanting to be felt.
- 4:32Erin Gray: Sometimes it's because you're trying to push yourself into making yourself do something that is not aligned with your true heart's desire, is not aligned with your true heart's desire.
- 4:47Erin Gray: And the only way we know what kind of resistance this is is if we slow down and we actually get curious, if we actually tend to and go within and stop with the external right.
- 4:58Erin Gray: Go within and actually start asking yourself questions, getting in tune with your body, right, because the truth is that when you meet resistance from a place of curiosity, from a place of love and compassion and understanding and not judgment, then you get to gain access to the wisdom that's actually underneath it.
- 5:23Erin Gray: You know, asking yourself like what is this resistance trying to protect me from feeling?
- 5:28Erin Gray: Like, what am I unwilling to feel in this moment?
- 5:32Erin Gray: And this isn't from the energy of like what are you not willing to feel?
- 5:36Erin Gray: It's more so from a place of love and curiosity, like how would you talk to the two-year-old?
- 5:41Erin Gray: What are you needing in this moment?
- 5:43Erin Gray: What's going on right now?
- 5:45Erin Gray: What are you feeling?
- 5:46Erin Gray: What are you not wanting to feel?
- 5:49Erin Gray: You know, if you're rushing, if you're wanting something to just be over with, you know, I've had clients who are either in the middle of a divorce or post-divorce, and there's this back and forth with their previous partners and this is, you know, they've been divorced for years, but there's this, just this culmination of feelings that they have felt, that they've really haven't ultimately been able to release.
- 6:13Erin Gray: And you know, sometimes they have told me, like I just want this to be over with.
- 6:17Erin Gray: And when you're wanting something to be over, when you're rushing to, rushing to hurry up something, when you're either rushing from something or you're rushing to something, ultimately you are not willing and wanting to feel a feeling, and there doesn't need to be shame associated with this.
- 6:34Erin Gray: There doesn't need to be any guilt, it just is a noticing, it is an awareness, and if you are pushing yourself into something that actually doesn't fit, like acting from your head instead of your actual body, like a true intuition, then you can really start to get clear on okay, this is coming from my head instead of a true heart's desire and that's why I'm resisting it of a true heart's desire and that's why I'm resisting it, and that right there will save you probably lots of time, lots of energy, lots of resources, financially and other right that you would have gotten or entered into had you just pushed forward.
- 7:16Erin Gray: So resistance I look at it as this beautiful thing that is showing us where do we need to turn in more, where do we need to get more still?
- 7:25Erin Gray: Where do we need to get more connected to ourselves and see what's actually going on there?
- 7:31Erin Gray: You know, the moment that you start asking yourself these questions, the moment that you start slowing down and you are paying attention to what's going on in your body, you will notice your body to soften.
- 7:42Erin Gray: You know the resistance will shift just by actually asking yourself and getting in tune with yourself and your those questions right, by slowing down, by getting curious, by looking at.
- 7:57Erin Gray: Am I forcing?
- 7:59Erin Gray: Am I not wanting to feel something like what's going on here?
- 8:02Erin Gray: And it's not necessarily something that has to be answered, you know, like when you start doing this in the next 10 minutes, right, sometimes this is, this isn't an uncovering, and one of the things that I have been willing to do, which is highly uncomfortable, is to sit in the question for however long it takes.
- 8:23Erin Gray: You know, so often I think a lot of us just want something to be done with, because we just want to get rid of that feeling.
- 8:30Erin Gray: But the more that you are willing to sit in what I mean I'm air quoting, because I don't think that they are uncomfortable feelings and maybe they are to the nervous system, but like they're just not familiar, right?
- 8:44Erin Gray: The more that I sit in that I mean I think about two sides of a.
- 8:50Erin Gray: You know, if you think about a river and two sides one on, you know, a bank on each side the more that I'm willing to just be in that river and allow what is actually coming through, allow what is actually coming through, the more insights I get.
- 9:07Erin Gray: You know, and I get such clarity by being willing to not rush through something.
- 9:10Erin Gray: This is a practice.
- 9:11Erin Gray: This is not something that I do perfectly, nor is it something that you know happened overnight, like I just shared, I think, on the previous episode episode 140, like, where I didn't label it as resistance, but that's what was happening.
- 9:26Erin Gray: It was this tug of war in my body, between my head and my heart, right, and I felt what needed to be with ourselves and give care and compassion to ourselves.
- 9:47Erin Gray: We can't receive the message that is coming to us.
- 9:51Erin Gray: So the practice you know that you can start to do is, one, ask yourself questions and two is start to notice how resistance shows up in the body.
- 10:00Erin Gray: You know, if you think of resistance on more so of that, like fight, fight, freeze or fawn response, resistance even might look like for you, of like saying yes when you really want to say no, like it's that people pleasing, that is resistance.
- 10:15Erin Gray: To say no, like it's that people pleasing, that is resistance.
- 10:19Erin Gray: It could look like getting into an argument with someone your spouse or maybe your child instead of sitting back and recognizing oh, this is what I'm feeling right now, and then this is you know why I'm acting like this, or what's bubbling up within me, right?
- 10:33Erin Gray: So you really have to slow down and start to to feel the sensations in your body.
- 10:39Erin Gray: Maybe it's a tightness in your chest If you're, you know, said you're going to look at your money and you haven't.
- 10:44Erin Gray: Maybe it's that like gut right, like, oh my gosh, like that tightness in your in your gut.
- 10:53Erin Gray: I don't know what it's going to and it's going to present in all different ways in your body.
- 10:55Erin Gray: But the only way that you will start to get familiar with this is if you start to practice this.
- 10:58Erin Gray: This is a practice, like that's the way that you get good at something is practicing it.
- 11:06Erin Gray: So if you are noticing that you want to numb out and you want to just scroll social media, that's resistance and all of these examples they're not a problem.
- 11:16Erin Gray: That's resistance and all of these examples.
- 11:18Erin Gray: They're not a problem.
- 11:20Erin Gray: It's just to notice what you know, like I used to use self-development as resistance, right, because it's easy to just read more books, it's easy to listen to someone else.
- 11:29Erin Gray: It's easy to listen to me on a podcast or someone else on a podcast.
- 11:31Erin Gray: What is a little bit more unfamiliar is to sit down and journal, or to sit down and recognize the patterns that you have.
- 11:40Erin Gray: So resistance shows up in all different ways for all different people.
- 11:43Erin Gray: There's not good or bad.
- 11:45Erin Gray: Right, Just recognizing what is the way that resistance shows up for you and when you can start to notice it from a place of curiosity, instead of judgment and shaming yourself.
- 11:55Erin Gray: Right, there's this.
- 11:57Erin Gray: I don't think it's a poem, but it's.
- 11:59Erin Gray: I think a Buddhist monk said right, like it's like.
- 12:01Erin Gray: The first arrow is just the thing that occurs.
- 12:05Erin Gray: The second arrow is us putting is the struggle that we have because we're labeling it and we're adding so much to it with our thoughts and our feelings.
- 12:14Erin Gray: Right, so, with us, with the resistance, we can just notice the resistance.
- 12:18Erin Gray: The second arrow is when we add the shame and the guilt on top of it or we like, make this story up.
- 12:24Erin Gray: We don't have to make this story up about how we're being lazy.
- 12:26Erin Gray: We can just notice that we're not doing the thing.
- 12:29Erin Gray: Okay, great, Perfect, celebrate it and then decide okay, what do I want to do with this information?
- 12:33Erin Gray: You know, you can lovingly tell yourself, of course, I feel this way, you know.
- 12:39Erin Gray: Thank you, body, for protecting me.
- 12:41Erin Gray: Now, what do I want to do?
- 12:44Erin Gray: You know, from an empowered place, what do I want to do to move me one step forward.
- 12:49Erin Gray: I always ask this question what would I love?
- 12:51Erin Gray: Like it gets my brain to focus on what do I want instead of what is happening right now in this 3D observed world, and this is how resistance can become a guide.
- 13:02Erin Gray: You know, that's how you begin to move through avoidance or impatience or fear or overwhelm or whatever it is that you're experiencing.
- 13:09Erin Gray: The solution is not to bulldoze yourself and force yourself to just move through it, which so many of us you know if you probably grew up around the era I did, so many of us kind of that was our, that's what our parents did, right?
- 13:21Erin Gray: Like stop crying, put your big girl or put your big boy panties on and just do the thing.
- 13:26Erin Gray: Like, what do you have to cry about?
- 13:27Erin Gray: Or, you know, ain't nobody got time for that or whatever.
- 13:31Erin Gray: The messages that were relayed to us were right, but we can honor ourselves, we can feel what needs to be felt in the moment.
- 13:40Erin Gray: We can be our biggest advocate, and actually that is what I help clients do.
- 13:46Erin Gray: Right, we are reparenting ourselves and sometimes that means that we have and feel a lot of anger for how we were raised, and that's okay, right, but we don't have to stay there, like we can give ourselves all the love, all the compassion that we ever are seeking outside of ourselves.
- 14:05Erin Gray: And actually that's, I mean, what you got to do right, cause you will never be able to to receive it fully until you have done that for yourself.
- 14:12Erin Gray: So if you've been pushing yourself, rushing to get to the next place in your life and I'm air quoting place I want to encourage you just to slow down, have compassion for yourself and love on those tender parts of you.
- 14:26Erin Gray: You know, if this resonates with you, if you've been feeling resistance in, with your money, certain areas of your life, you know and you want to learn how to meet yourself with compassion and understanding and curiosity, instead of forcing, I'm here for you.
- 14:42Erin Gray: You can click the link in the show notes and just see if we are a good fit for each other.
- 14:46Erin Gray: I want to say big stuff here.
- 14:48Erin Gray: Right, like this is.
- 14:48Erin Gray: This is life changing stuff.
- 14:51Erin Gray: This is skill sets that you get to take and share with your children, with people that you interact with.
- 14:54Erin Gray: Definitely you know you get to take and share with your children, with people that you interact with.
- 14:57Erin Gray: Definitely you know you get to change your life with this stuff and it's important that you understand and you know that you are worthy of taking time to do some of this.
- 15:08Erin Gray: It's not something, also that we have to sit around all day and do, but when those feelings come up, when that resistance comes up, allow it, get curious, go inward and tend to yourself.
- 15:21Erin Gray: I'm rooting for you, I love you and I will see you in the next episode.