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[WW] How are you doing? Forgiveness · The Wesley Word

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Wesley World.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to be in any long-term relationship, whether that's friendship, romantic, family, any relationships, if you want them to last a long time, there's six words that you need to be able to say.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: There's six words that you need to be able to live into.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: Without these six words, I don't think any long-term relationship is possible.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: I am sorry.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: I forgive you.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Six powerful words that without those words, without practicing those words, more than just saying them, but living them, long-term relationships are nearly impossible.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: You've all been living for more than five minutes, right?
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I I love this.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna use this sort of optic lesson.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: I I've once heard this and I've used this before, and I love it.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um imagine this backpack and imagine these rocks I have up here of all different sizes, of things that we do to one another, right?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: Or sins that you commit, or wrongdoings that you've done against someone that's maybe you know well and you love deeply, or maybe someone you don't.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: I purposely, look at these small rocks, you'll notice on my car, if you see my car, I don't have a fish on it.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have a God loves you.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have anything that would classify me as a Christian on my car because sometimes, I don't say I get road rage, but you know, there are times when I mutter things under my breath that people that cut me off or go way too slow and end up throwing them in the backpack.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: Some I never tell them the number one.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: I don't do that.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe under the car door so they can't see it, right?
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: But I I rage a little bit when I'm on the car, right?
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I might tell a little white lie, right?
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it might make someone, you know, if you can't help it, you don't want to hurt someone's feelings.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes you do a little white lie, but you know, lies are lies.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes we get a little bit a little bit bigger, right?
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's a little bit bigger rock, maybe we do something a little bit bigger.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, maybe we're like, it doesn't matter.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: This class doesn't matter so much.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe, maybe I'm gonna cheat on that quiz a little bit.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: Who who's really gonna know, right?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: And we commit a little tiny rock sin, right?
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: Or maybe we, you know, are in a friend group and we said some things that we really wish that we hadn't said, but we said them anyway, and we've hurt people that we care about and our friends.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe we told our parents things that we wish that we hadn't said them, or our siblings.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: I have many siblings.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: I know I've said things that I've regret to them, and we throw them in there, right?
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um conversations or things that we omit, or sometimes, and I don't you know what they may be for you, get some bigger rocks.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we do things that are more than things that we say.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we've done things and we've hurt so deep that a relationship maybe is never gonna be repaired, or things that we hold on to, something that we've said or done that seems almost irreparable and is a big deal.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's more than just a tiny lie, it's more than just a little road rage, it's more than saying something we wish we hadn't, but I mean a true big hurt that just cuts deep, right?
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: There's all these things that we do to others.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: There's things that we do that maybe we sin against God.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: Many rocks.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: There's a whole hill full of rocks out there.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: And if we would add up all of our life, whether you are 18, whether you're turning 20 on Friday, or you turned 43 sometime last week, right?
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: We end up, we end up wearing these things, right?
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: We end up wearing these things if we don't learn to use those six words.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so tonight we're gonna talk a little bit about forgiveness and the practice of that and what that would look like, right?
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: Because the God who created you, who breathed the breath of life into you, his goal for you is not for you to carry around a backpack full of rocks weighing you down.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: But yet we find ourselves oftentimes, or maybe it's just me, this last, this little series is not really a series, but it feels like a series.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, how are you doing?
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: Working with forgiveness, uh, working with anxiety, all these things.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: These are things that I struggle with that I thought maybe other folks might be struggling with as well.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: But sometimes we carry around a guilt that we're not meant to carry around.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: But what is forgiveness?
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: We talk about a lot, it's it's sort of a big deal in the church, it's sort of the foundation of what we're built on here.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um remember that forgiveness, it's this conscious decision to release, this conscious decision to let go, to make a decision that I will not hate because of, I will not hold resentment because of.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: And when we do things, oftentimes we fall or we harbor this guilt about the ways in which we have harmed others.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes we need to remember that even on this releasing of resentment, this releasing of hate, sometimes we have to remember that we have to forgive ourselves as well.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like oftentimes God has long since forgiven us.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: The people that we wronged have long since forgiven or forgotten or kind of moved on, but yet we continue to carry around the weight because we refuse or are slow to forgive ourselves.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: And notice that forgiveness is not reconciliation.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: That's not the same thing, right?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's not forgetting.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's not saying that there won't be consequences, right?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you do something really messed up, do something illegal, you might find yourself in jail, right?
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: You do something, uh you hurt a friend enough that they may say, you know, I love you, but uh it's time for me to separate ways because you're just a little bit too harmful, you're a little bit too toxic, right?
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um guys did a great job reading scripture tonight.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um Ben read the first part, it was part of the Lord's Prayer, right?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: When Jesus, the disciples say, How should we pray?
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: He begins to talk about all the long list of things and begins to talk about this idea of forgive us as we forgive others.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: And the different gospels, they use different words, right?
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: And for different traditions, you may use different traditions, words.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: Where I'm from, you use trespasses, right?
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um if you think about trespass signs and where ways in which you you go against someone, go somewhere you're not supposed to go, against someone or something, and you're forgiven.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: Luke uses the word forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: Anybody come from tradition where you say sins in the in the Lord's Prayer?
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: And think about what it means to sin.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: God has a path for us, right?
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: If I'm trying to get to the cross, God has a path for us, a straight and narrow.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: And as we as we journey, we're supposed to stay on that path.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: But to sin, all right, the the words there, if you look at the roots of that, means to miss the mark.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm trying to get there, but I've I've strayed this way and I've gone off of here, right?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: And so we ask God to forgive us of those times.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: Or other traditions might use, uh, and Matthew sometimes uses um debts and debtors.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you've heard that.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's sometimes if you go to a different tradition, different church, and they say something different, you find yourself slipping, it's okay.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's all pointing to the same thing, right?
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: We have done things to people, we've done things against them, people we love, people we don't know.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: We've done things against God in the way that we're called to go, and yet we're called to forgive just as God forgives us, right?
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's important to note that Jesus, when the disciples ask Jesus how to pray, what should we pray, Jesus?
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: He teaches them that you should ask for forgiveness, right?
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: And it says two things.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: One, it shows that Jesus knows that we all need forgiveness, right?
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: That we all need forgiveness.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: And the second thing I think he shows is that God is willing to indeed forgive us.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: He's willing to forgive us of all the times, all the things that we've done, all the things that we've done against someone else.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I I truly believe, and I'm I I got I got some stuff that I don't hurt my back.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but you know, the more you wear this, this, this, this backpack, the more you allow the things that you've done to weigh you down when you don't forgive yourself and you don't ask for forgiveness.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not quite huffing and puffing here.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: I could have put a few more rocks in, but I don't want my ankle and back to hurt.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: But like, I can feel this now, y'all.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: I can feel it.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: But this is again not how God has called us to live.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: He encourages us to to drop those backpacks, right?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: To drop those rocks, to feel feel the weight of that, to be released, right?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: I feel so much lighter now, by the way, right?
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: But to be released by that.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: And because when we do that, when we allow ourselves to be forgiven, that is when healing can begin.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: That's when reconciliation can begin.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: That's when we are allowed to begin to be the people that we are called to be.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: But there's two sides to forgiveness, right?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: On the one hand, I just talked about all the things that that we have done, right?
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes that's hard for us to release.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: But you know what else happens if you've lived for more than five minutes?
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: People do things that hurt your feelings, right?
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um people maybe tell me I'm number one when I'm on the road and I feel that a little bit, right?
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: Or I feel, you know, someone's talking trash and I don't really like the way it comes across.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: Or maybe I found out that someone that I love dearly was talking things about me and it really really crushed me and hurt me pretty deep.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: And so I have a little bit of a bigger, bigger rock there.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um I don't know, maybe someone stole something from me.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it was like an actual item, or maybe it was a piece of me, or whatever it may be, that I just feel really crushed by that friend or by that family member or by that person.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I wish that it wouldn't happen.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I really wish we were undefeated this week.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: That's not a sin.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just kidding, that right.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but you feel that, right?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and sometimes it gets it gets bigger, and we talk about silly things, or someone lied about you, or someone didn't invite you to something, or you felt hurt, or you felt ostracized, or you felt exiled, or whatever it may be.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes I know that there are things in life that are real big.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you were physically hurt, right?
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe things were done to you that should not have ever happened by a friend or a family member or someone that you don't know.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: But we are harmed as we go through life.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: None of us make it out unscathed, none of us make it out having not been harmed in some way, in a small way, big way.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: Things happen to us that are not God intended.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: And what happens, we start to accumulate those rocks as well, those wrongdoings as well.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: But for this visual, rather than putting it on our back, and it gets really hard when you're carrying them front and back, right?
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: We carry the things that people do to us on our front side.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: We carry those things within our hearts, right?
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: And if we carry them for too long and we hold on to them for too long, things that people have done against us, it begins to harden our heart.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: We begin to be a little harder or a little bit crustier, and we're not allowed to allow the love that God has for us to come in and also to allow the love that God has for us to go out.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: What I want you to hear is important as we talk about forgiveness, right?
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I talk about things that have happened to you.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: What I want you to hear is that what I'm I'm not saying that what has happened does not matter.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not saying that things should be forgotten or that you should put yourself in a situation where you're hurt over and over again, because Steve said you should forgive them.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: We should work on forgiveness, but we also should be wise people and make sure that we're not putting ourselves in positions in which we will be hurt over and over again.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: Uh one of the passages that we we read or we're gonna read was about Jesus saying, someone asked you, is how many times should I forgive someone?
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: He says, 70 times seven, right?
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: Just continue to do it over and over again.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: They slap you, go ahead and turn you the cheek, let them do it, right?
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: But well, that's not what you're saying.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry, sorry.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: Forgive over and over, right?
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: But pay attention to what's happened, right?
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: And if someone is slapping you, maybe you should step back for a second, right?
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: Get out of the way and allow it to happen.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: But what we're the goal, what we want to be able to say is that I don't hate you, I don't resent you, right?
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: Because what we've learned, and I've learned over the years, is that the more and more I carry, and the more and more I refuse to release the hurt that someone else has done to me, that what happens is I end up giving them power over me.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: Instead of me being in control or me being the one who is wounded, they end up with more power because I'm holding on to all these things.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: I joked earlier about my back hurting, holding them on the back.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: Let me tell you, on the front side, my lower back's screaming right now, right?
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: It costs a lot to hold on to that.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: It blocks our heart.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: We're trying to be in a relationship with other people, but we're carrying these big backpacks that are filled with rocks.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: It's hard to be in a relationship when we're face to face with someone.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: It begins to affect our physical health.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you've been there, I'm not gonna ask for a show of hands, but I know I've been there where folks have wronged me and I end up like feeling it.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: I've had people in my family that have done things, you know, decades ago.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: I've had a situation I went through 15, oh my gosh, 25 years ago, it's not 15, 25 years ago, that for the longest time I held on to it.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: They had moved on.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: They could care less about the ways in which they had hurt me.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_01: But I was holding on to it, right?
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes we say, Well, I'm not gonna forgive them until they ask for forgiveness.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: I've learned that oftentimes if that's what you're waiting for, you will never hear it.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: I want closure.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: I want them to say, I, you know, I'm sorry.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: If you wait for the person who offended you to say I'm sorry before you work on your own forgiving process, you might be waiting a long, long time.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: So, how do we move forward?
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: There's different ways.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: There's a little acronym for you.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: I found uh Dr.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um, what's the name?
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: Uh Dr.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: Tyler.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: That's I don't know his last name, but uh Vander Wheel, I think.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: He talks about that this reach method to think about how we might forgive others who have wronged us, right?
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: And he's got some good practical stuff here.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: He says the first thing to do that reach R-E-A-C-H, right, uh try to recall.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: Try to recall objectively what happened, right?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um and bring your emotions, it's all good to think about it, but objectively recall what what was that incident?
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: What really happened?
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: Don't just push it down, but think about what really happened.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: And then the second there in the acronym, the E for is to empathize, right?
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: And again, we're not letting people off the hook, but to think about and try to understand what was the offender's reason behind it, right?
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we just run into people that are just they're just bad people, right?
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: And very people I think like to hurt for hurt's sake, right?
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: But what if we gave them the benefit of the doubt, right?
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I've noticed sometimes people act out, and even as like a pastor, I'll leave, I'm like, man, that was crazy.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: And then I realize, oh, it's not about me.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: They're going through this or they're wrestling with this, and I just happen to be the one that got the brunt of it, right?
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um, unfortunately, I feel like I've done that in my marriage life or my as a father.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we just, you know, I'm stressed and boom, you know, they have to deal with it.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, no, it's not you.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: It was totally me.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: But get empathize and try to find out, you know, what's going on.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's not condoning the behavior by any means, but give folks the benefit of the doubt and see if you could figure out what it's coming from.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: So recall what happened, empathize with them.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: And then also remember that forgiveness is.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: This altruistic gift, right?
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: That it's something that's that no one deserves, right?
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_01: But it's something that we can give.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: And think about the times in which you messed up, small or big.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_01: And think about what it meant for you to be forgiven.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_01: And for someone said, when you're like, hey, that's my bad, and like, hey, it's all good, I forgive you.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: And the ways in which you felt and how that gave you some hope, and think about ways in which maybe you might give that altruistic gift to someone else.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: And then when you're ready to forgive, you're ready to forgive, commit to it.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: Commit to it.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're a journaler, maybe you write that in your journal and say, today I'm committing to forgive Steve for whatever bonehead thing he did, right?
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and you write that down, you commit to it, um, and you what you begin to do is you begin to commit to replacing the ill will that you have with goodwill.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: Ill will with goodwill, and start to move towards forgiveness.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: And then the last thing there, right?
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: So we're gonna recall it, we're gonna empathize, give them the benefit of the doubt.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna remember that forgiveness is a gift.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: When we received it, we want to give it to others.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna commit to making it happen.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe we tell a friend, our confidant, say, hey, I need to forgive that person, hold me to it, right?
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: That's where H comes in.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: Hold on to it.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: Hold on to it.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I want you to know, and like I'm wearing a backpack and I know I've got rocks and I talk about the things, but I know sometimes some of us have been hurt deep.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: And to just say that you're just gonna fling it off and everything's gonna be okay is not matching the depth of what might be going on, right?
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: But we hold on to that forgiveness and realize that it's a process.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: It takes time, right?
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: It takes time for our emotions to heal, it takes time for us, but when we make a commitment, right?
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_01: And we make a commitment to replace the ill will with the goodwill, we commit to it over time, day after day.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: Eventually we begin to get there.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: As I think about forgiveness as well, it's a practical thing, right?
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's a discipline, it's a practice that must take place.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: And if you want to be a forgiving person, a merciful person, practice small forgiveness, right?
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to pick up the big stones right away and take them out.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: But think about the small things, right?
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: The way I've learned to breathe when someone cuts me off in traffic, or more importantly, when they go too slow in the left lane, and like, what are you doing?
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: Get out of my way, right?
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, but I forgive you, right?
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_01: Small things, if you practice small moments of forgiveness, it allows the bigger ones, right?
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: Or mainly kind of gets your reaction instead of immediately going to a negative, or I hate you, or I resent you, or uh you begin to think more lovingly.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: You begin to give them the benefit of the doubt, you begin to be a little bit more at peace.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: Someone else talked about the uh the rap method, um, RAP, right?
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: To um when something happens, small things, right?
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: To remember your own shortcomings will be that R.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um the A assume the best, which we kind of talked about.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_01: And don't forget to pray for your wrongdoer.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: Jesus reminds us to pray for our enemies, right?
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: Forgiveness is a process.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: Put some little pebbles in here, I'll put some big rocks, put some medium-sized rocks, right?
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: There will be things that we can easily practice and we can easily forgive, right?
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: That's my bad.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: I shouldn't have said that.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: I was joking around, right?
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um a little bit bigger.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, they really shouldn't have said that, right?
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: It really cut deep, but you know, but sometimes these big stones I truly think God wants you to free yourself from all things.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: But sometimes, and I get it, these big stones require a long process of chipping away.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes you can't lift the whole boulder that's been dropped upon you, but you can chisel out a little bit day by day, asking God to help you in that forgiveness, right?
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: And the whole reason why, right?
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_01: One, God wants us to love our enemies, but but more importantly, right, we we have to have to release this because it hardens our heart, it begins to give us.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: My back is is it's killing me now, guys.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta drop this off, right?
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like God wants us to be free.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: He didn't create us to be bound by the things that we hold and which we've done to folks, or the things that people have done to us.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_01: He wants us to be able to release that, to live in a freeing way, right?
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_01: If nothing else, forgive so that you might be free.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: I I love this saying, I heard it years ago, and it makes a lot of sense.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you've heard it as well, that when you're holding on to something that someone else did to you, and again, they may want to ask for forgiveness, they may not, right?
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: But when you're holding that grudge, when you're holding on to resentment, when you're holding on to that hate for someone that did, right?
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: You may have heard this before.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's like drinking poison yourself and expecting the other person to die.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_01: I hate them so much, right?
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_01: You got so much resentment.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_01: But you're just poisoning yourself and expecting the other person to find harm.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: God invites you tonight, God invites you tomorrow, God invites you every second that you might be carrying something on your back that you've done, or carrying something on your heart that someone had done to you, to release it, to forgive, to practice, not just say, but to practice those six most powerful words in relationship.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry, I forgive you.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I realize it's almost, it's not not silly, but it's almost silly to be and preach about forgiveness.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's something I can preach about all the time, but it's it's a discipline, it's a spiritual discipline that must be practiced, that must be learned, that must be experienced and exercised.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's forgiveness is a spiritual muscle that must be trained and toned amongst our lives.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I encourage you to think through as we as we close up tonight and we go home and you have time in prayer, to pray to God and say, God, Lord, I know you've forgiven me, but forgive me and help me drop the things that I've done.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe release that backpack that's on my back, the little rocks, the big rocks, the medium rocks.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: God, my heart is starting to be hardened towards this person, or I'm I'm not the joyful person that I used to be because I'm harboring all this resentment and hate.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe it's something you can drop tonight, God, but but maybe I just need some time.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so help me find somebody I can talk to that I can work through it, that I can release these things.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: What do you need to allow yourself to be forgiven for?
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_01: And who or what do you need to forgive someone else for?
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: Because when we practice forgiveness, when we practice receiving and extending God's grace to others, that's when we draw closer to God.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: That's when we draw closer to who we are at our best, at our whole selves, our full selves.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I truly believe that God doesn't want us to just be okay, but God wants us to thrive and to be the creature that He has created you to be.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: Laying aside all sin, laying all that stuff, that we can run that race with perseverance.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: Let us pray.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_01: Holy and gracious God, we are grateful, Lord, that you are a redeeming God, a grace-filled God.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_01: We know that we might be holding on to things ourselves that we have done.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: And if we were to ask you about it, you're like, I forgot I gave you a long time ago.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even remember what that was.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: Free yourself, my child.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: And God, we know and we confess, or I confess, I won't pray for everybody, but God, I know I still hold grudges, I still hold resentment.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_01: I pray, Lord, that you might soften my heart day by day, moment by moment, breath by breath, whatever it takes, chipping away, even at the big rocks, oh God.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_01: May we find freedom in your forgiveness, and may we find freedom as we offer mercy and forgiveness to those who have offended us.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: God, we confess right here, right now, it is too big a task for us to do on our own.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: But we are grateful, O God, for the people you put around us and for you who promise to be with us, to never forsake us, and to get us through everything that we might encounter.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: We love you and praise you.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: We ask all us in Christ's holy name.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: The Wesley Word is a production of the Clemson Wesley Foundation.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: For more information about Clemson Wesley, check out our website or follow us on Facebook and Instagram.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, get out there and love your neighbor.