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Milestones of a Child's Faith- Part 1 · Equipped for Impact

0:00
Luis: Do you ever lay in bed at night and wonder, Am I doing enough?
0:03
Luis: Am I raising my kids right?
0:05
Luis: Is this whole spiritual formation thing actually happening, or am I just hoping it happens by osmosis?
0:12
Nate: Because here's the thing.
0:14
Nate: We send our kids to church, we sign them up for Sunday school, maybe VBS in the summer or a summer camp, and somewhere in the back of our minds we think, okay, that's handling it.
0:24
Nate: But the truth is, spiritual formation was never meant to be outsourced.
0:29
Nate: It was never meant to be accidental.
0:31
Luis: So today we're handing you a roadmap.
0:34
Luis: This isn't a guilt trip.
0:36
Luis: We're going to show you seven milestones from the day your child is born to the day they walk out your door as an adult who's walking with Jesus on their own two feet.
0:53
Nate: Welcome to Equipped for Impact, the podcast designed to assist Christian parents, leaders, and educators to raise up the next generation to stand firm in their faith and influence the world for Christ.
1:04
Nate: We're your hosts.
1:05
Nate: I'm Nate.
1:06
Nate: And I'm Lewis.
1:07
Nate: And we are glad you're here with us today.
1:09
Nate: Well, we're kicking off a two-part series on legacy milestones.
1:15
Nate: Now, this is something you guys have have heard us.
1:18
Nate: If you're a longtime listener, you know we are all about equipping you as parents to raise your children so that they can influence their world for Christ.
1:27
Nate: It's right there in our intro, we say every week.
1:30
Nate: So this is not necessarily new information, but it's a it's a framework that I actually found recently as I was doing some reading on my own about family discipleship.
1:40
Nate: And it's it's coming from a guy named Timothy Paul Jones.
1:43
Nate: He's got a book called The Family Ministry Field Guide, and he actually got it from a guy named Brian Hayes, who has a website, it's actually called Legacy Milestone, so you can look that up.
1:54
Nate: But all of this is it's this idea that spir spiritual formation isn't just one big event, but it's a series of intentional markers or milestones that you can celebrate with your child as they develop spiritually.
2:09
Luis: And speaking of celebration, today is our 67th episode.
2:15
Nate: You just set me up so that we could do the whole six seven, right?
2:20
Nate: Which all of the if there's any kids listening to this with their parents, they all rolled their eyes and were like, that was so last year.
2:27
Luis: But don't worry, because as the new calendar year for school starts, we will be coming to you with a new slang guide at some point in the future.
2:36
Luis: We always do.
2:37
Nate: And and then we hear from people that we mess up slang somewhere along the line.
2:42
Luis: But you have to, right?
2:42
Luis: Because there's new slang every year.
2:43
Luis: That's exactly right.
2:44
Luis: But as we think about this topic today, right, when we talk about the intentional markers, I I want you to think of it this way.
2:52
Luis: You wouldn't just wake up one day and expect your 16-year-old to know how to drive a car if you've never sat in the passenger seat with them.
3:01
Luis: And so spiritual maturity works the same way.
3:04
Luis: There there are seasons, there are milestones.
3:07
Luis: And if we're not intentional, then you might just drift right past them.
3:11
Nate: Yeah.
3:11
Nate: And so I love this framework, and we're going to get into it in a second, but I like the idea because we we think of that naturally with like physical milestones.
3:20
Nate: Like think of your, you know, when you are a newborn a newborn parent.
3:24
Nate: When you are a parent of a newborn, I guess that makes you a newborn parent.
3:27
Nate: It does, yeah.
3:28
Nate: Okay.
3:28
Nate: You know, you you've got these milestones of like, oh, they're crawling, oh, they're, you know, they're they're rolling over, hey, they can grab a spoon and kind of sort of get food in the general vicinity of their mouth.
3:39
Nate: You know, that you've got these milestones.
3:41
Nate: And sometimes we overemphasize them to the point that our kid, you know, we're we're freaking out that our kids not keeping up.
3:47
Nate: But we want to put that same framework over this idea spiritually, right?
3:52
Nate: So this is gonna be a two-part series.
3:54
Nate: This today is part one.
3:56
Nate: We're going through the first four milestones, and and that's everything from infancy up through kind of your preteen years.
4:03
Nate: And in part two, we'll pick back up next week with kind of that launch into adulthood.
4:09
Nate: So let's go ahead and get started.
4:10
Nate: And Lewis, what what is milestone one when we think of spiritual milestones for our children?
4:16
Luis: Yeah, milestone one is parent and child dedication.
4:22
Luis: And let's be clear about what the actual goal here, because I think that that a lot of parents often misunderstand this one, right?
4:29
Luis: The goal isn't dedicating the baby, the goal is training the parents.
4:36
Nate: That's a good one.
4:36
Nate: I think that's that's really important because sometimes, you know, when we think about training or or or baby dedication, like we've got this idea that, you know, oh, I've dedicated my baby to the Lord, and so now everything's gonna be good spiritually.
4:51
Nate: Like that that doesn't correct that's not practical, right?
4:53
Nate: But the whole point is like you as a parent really are committing to this spiritual journey.
4:59
Nate: And so your church and school, if you choose to enroll in a Christian school, is is partnering with you and assisting you as your child is, you know, growing and learning.
5:10
Nate: And so, you know, a lot of churches will have like baby dedication services.
5:14
Nate: I've talked to some from denominations that practice infant baptism and and they some people see it that way.
5:22
Nate: There's there's other denominations that see it as like, oh now my child's saved because they were baptized.
5:28
Nate: Like that's not in the Bible.
5:29
Nate: Don't and that's not what we're talking about.
5:30
Nate: Yeah, that's not what we're talking about.
5:32
Nate: But but if it it's it's the whole idea of like this is a moment, it's a ceremony, it's something that's special that you can say, like in front of my church, assisting me as the family of God works together, like we're gonna come alongside this family and we're gonna raise this child for the glory of God, right?
5:50
Nate: And so, you know, your church should be doing that with you, even if you don't have a a special ceremony, right?
5:56
Nate: But it's the commitment to raise your child in the things of the Lord.
6:00
Luis: And that's actually a callback to the episode that we did, uh I think it was the episode right before this one where we talked about just the different circles your community together, right?
6:09
Luis: And so and and that's a beautiful thing, right?
6:12
Luis: Because because long before your baby can even speak a word back to you, you as the parent are called to start something.
6:21
Luis: And and and I love how simple it is, right?
6:23
Luis: It's just daily family faith talks, and and that might sound intimidating, but but it's not, right?
6:30
Nate: Yeah, it doesn't have to be, yeah, right.
6:32
Nate: The research shows that that a lot of parents don't participate in these types of faith talks just because they don't feel equipped, which is the whole reason we have this podcast, right?
6:43
Nate: Is to equip you to make an impact, right, in your child's life.
6:46
Nate: Equipped for impact.
6:47
Nate: Look at that.
6:48
Nate: It's like we we named it on purpose.
6:50
Nate: But, you know, it it doesn't have to be something that's complicated.
6:53
Nate: It doesn't have to be intimidating because really we're talking about, you know, just uh coming alongside your child, talking with them, you know, having maybe like some churches call it like a family worship time, but that doesn't mean like you have to be able to play the guitar and bust out a hymnal and sing songs, right?
7:10
Nate: But you're you're praying with them, you're talking with your child about Jesus, you're speaking scripture to them in moments, you know, throughout the day.
7:18
Nate: That's Deuteronomy 6, right?
7:19
Nate: As you lie down, as you rise up.
7:21
Nate: And that's the whole point, is you're just committing to continue discipling your child and have spiritual conversations throughout that child's life.
7:30
Luis: Yeah.
7:31
Luis: And it's important that you understand that you're doing it to build those daily rhythms.
7:37
Luis: It's not really for the baby's benefit, right?
7:39
Luis: Because let's be honest with you, your three-week-old it is not gonna be able to engage with you in worship or in a family devotion.
7:49
Nate: Unless you're like one of those you you understand or you you take that research where they say like if you pray or if you play classical music while the baby's, you know, in your utero, they're gonna have a higher IQ.
8:00
Nate: Like, does that work?
8:01
Nate: Like we prayed with our baby while they were swaddled, and so they have a higher spiritual IQ?
8:08
Luis: No, I don't know.
8:09
Luis: I don't I don't know about that, right?
8:12
Luis: But here's what we do know that if you wait until your child is seven years old and all of a sudden you start trying to do family devotions out of nowhere, it it's gonna feel weird to them.
8:23
Luis: They're gonna be like, Well, what's going on?
8:24
Luis: Like, we haven't done this for the first seven years of my life, and now all of a sudden you're talking about family devotions.
8:31
Luis: And like Nate pointed out, this is this is Deuteronomy six, right?
8:34
Luis: We we've talked about this passage before in several of our episodes, and we want to teach these commandments diligently to our children.
8:42
Luis: We want to talk about them when you're sitting in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.
8:48
Nate: Yeah, that's that's exactly right.
8:50
Nate: And so let's pause here real quick because this is an early, this is the stage one, right?
8:54
Nate: This is the first milestone.
8:56
Nate: So if you are listening to this and you're like way past that, it's okay, right?
9:00
Nate: You know, it's better to start now than, you know, just give up.
9:04
Nate: What is that old saying, like, the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is today.
9:10
Nate: Yeah, that's right.
9:11
Nate: And so this this fits here.
9:13
Nate: Like the best time to start family devotions is when your child is really young.
9:17
Nate: The second best time is right now.
9:19
Luis: Right now.
9:20
Nate: So so go ahead.
9:21
Nate: It's not too late to start.
9:22
Nate: And you can just weave this into the rhythm of your ordinary life, right?
9:26
Nate: It's not a separate program, it's not something super formal.
9:29
Nate: Just weave that in.
9:30
Nate: And we've talked about this a lot.
9:32
Nate: So whether your you know, baby is you know two months old, two years old, or you know, maybe they're a teenager already, you know, start now, and that's the seed you can plant that will grow into a faith tree down the line.
9:46
Luis: And that leads us to the second milestone, right?
9:48
Luis: Yep.
9:48
Luis: The second milestone, milestone two, moves us into the next season, which is called a profession of faith.
9:55
Luis: And and this one, right, is is really close to our hearts because we've we've worked with children, we've been children's pastors, we've been youth pastors, and so we understand how important this is because the goal of this milestone is once again to equip parents to guide their own children to faith in Jesus.
10:15
Nate: Yeah, and I think this is really important because I mean we we had a whole series on sharing the gospel and sharing your story.
10:22
Nate: You can go back and listen to those.
10:23
Nate: And and this is really important because hopefully your child is hearing the gospel at church.
10:28
Nate: If you're in a Christian school, your your child is hearing it at their Christian school.
10:32
Nate: If not, you need to find a new Christian school.
10:34
Nate: I can recommend a couple if if you shoot us an email, podcast at wingchristian.org.
10:39
Nate: But, you know, ultimately they're hearing that from you.
10:42
Nate: And and so frequently, you know, in my time in ministry, I've heard from parents who said, you know, they they heard the gospel at church, they heard it, you know, at school, they heard it, you know, from me, but then eventually it was a conversation with mom or dad or whoever that or even grandparents that finally really sealed it with their child because they had those conversations and they were really able to to roll through in in sharing the gospel and and seeing their child make that profession.
11:10
Luis: Yeah, and so you might be thinking, I'm not a pastor, I don't have a seminary degree, Nate Lewis, you know, I'm scared that I might mess this up.
11:19
Luis: Well, here's the thing I've been in ministry for 20 plus years, and and you don't need a seminary degree to explain the gospel to your own child.
11:27
Luis: Yep.
11:28
Luis: Go back and listen to the episodes that we did that talked about that.
11:31
Luis: But what you really need is clarity and you need proximity, and you're already the person that they trust most in this world.
11:38
Nate: Yeah, and and really, you know, just practically you can come down to the very basics of, you know, what is the gospel.
11:46
Nate: Like we gave you the the six kind of words you can go through in those previous episodes, but if you want to condense it down even further, you know, you could just watch for when your child starts to ask questions, things like, what happens when we die?
12:00
Nate: Or why did Jesus have to die on a cross the around the big holidays is a great time because they're going to be hearing it, you know, at Easter and Christmas.
12:07
Nate: And, you know, why did Jesus come to be born as a baby?
12:10
Nate: You know, how do I know if I'm a Christian?
12:13
Nate: And all of those are open doors that you can just walk through and and have the conversation with your child.
12:19
Luis: And here's what I would tell you, parents, walk through it, right?
12:21
Luis: Help them understand the gospel in the language that they can understand.
12:26
Luis: They've all sinned.
12:27
Luis: That sin separates us from God, but God loved us so much that he sent Jesus to take our punishment, and that when we trust him, we're forgiven and made new.
12:36
Luis: And then just ask them, do you understand that?
12:38
Luis: Is that something that you want for yourself?
12:41
Nate: Yeah, and that's that's great.
12:43
Nate: And so when they make that decision, right, they make the profession.
12:46
Nate: Your child says, Yes, you know, I trust Jesus, that's when the celebration comes in, right?
12:52
Nate: That you've reached that milestone.
12:53
Nate: And so you can you can commemorate it with believer's baptism, right?
12:57
Nate: That's that's when, you know, post you know, profession of faith, they have that believer's baptism or and you can you can celebrate this milestone with your child because it is exciting.
13:08
Nate: And they need to know that it's exciting that they made that decision for themselves.
13:12
Luis: And what's really cool about that is being able to celebrate it with your church.
13:15
Luis: It's not a private thing, right?
13:17
Luis: But it's it's woven into the larger story of your church life because every private step of faith becomes a public celebration of God's faithfulness.
13:26
Nate: Yep, and you can even play Forest Frank's let's have a celebration.
13:29
Nate: Let's have a celebration.
13:30
Luis: Do you listen to Forest Frank?
13:31
Nate: So surprisingly, my children have gotten me into Forrest Frank.
13:35
Luis: Really?
13:35
Nate: Yeah.
13:35
Nate: Which is totally not my personality.
13:39
Nate: Yeah, but that now I take them the songs and change the words, and my kids roll their eyes at me.
13:45
Nate: So which is even better.
13:46
Nate: When whenever like they we get get a little cranky and we need to go outside and kind of like, you know, get some fresh air, I I sing the, you know, I need to go outside in the sun.
13:56
Nate: Yes.
13:57
Luis: So when life gives you lemonade, Jesus, Jesus gave.
14:02
Luis: Excellent.
14:02
Luis: Yep.
14:03
Nate: So we can have a celebration.
14:04
Nate: Let's talk about the third milestone, Nate.
14:06
Nate: That's exactly right.
14:07
Nate: Okay, so third milestone is really this idea of preparing for adolescence.
14:12
Nate: And so let me pause real quick.
14:14
Nate: We we have this, you know, milestone too of the profession of faith before this whole preparing for your teenage years, because typically, right, statistics show, you know, most professions of faith in in children that grow up in a faith household happen before the age of 13.
14:29
Nate: Yeah.
14:29
Nate: So if if you're not there, right, if they come in a different order, that's okay.
14:32
Nate: Like we're we're still all right with that.
14:34
Nate: But we're just kind of putting them in this order because this is, again, typical what we see happen in a standard, you know, child's faith journey.
14:43
Nate: So what are some things, Lewis, as we prepare our children for adolescence that that we need to help them lead, you know, in this area?
14:52
Luis: Yeah, and so this is that kind of awkward stage where you as a middle school principal are very familiar.
14:58
Luis: Oh, yes.
14:58
Luis: Right?
14:58
Luis: And so you're dealing with puberty, you're dealing with body changes, human sexuality, and it's about framing all of that around God's intentional design.
15:09
Luis: And it's important to understand, right, that when you approach this conversation from a place of fear or awkwardness, then it becomes this problem to manage.
15:19
Luis: But when we look at it through the lens of our bodies, your child's included, their body goes through the changes that are happening.
15:30
Luis: That's designed by God on purpose.
15:32
Luis: And when we frame it that way, we take the shame out of the conversation before it even starts.
15:38
Nate: Yeah.
15:39
Nate: And this is again, if you go back, we we had our episode with with Jamal about uh raising boys, boys to men, and and this is that phase where really you start to affirm, you know, the that change, right?
15:51
Nate: Because it comes with those normal biological changes, but there's also emotional and maturity changes.
15:56
Nate: And so you can commemorate it, you know, somewhere in here.
15:59
Nate: And, you know, it it could be a thing where where you, you know, can can set this up as a a dedicated time where you know you can do like a father-son road trip or a mother-daughter weekend getaway or something like that.
16:12
Nate: Like we've also, you know, the classic, you know, we're we're here in the South in America.
16:17
Nate: And so it's like, you know, your son gets his first pocket knife.
16:20
Nate: Oh, yeah.
16:20
Nate: Like that was a big thing.
16:21
Nate: I think I've talked before about how when I turned 13, my brother brought back a spear from a missions trip in Africa because the tribe he was working with, that's what they gave 13-year-olds was their first spear to go hunting.
16:34
Nate: Like, so do something fun that like commemorates like this is not like an awkward, weird thing.
16:40
Nate: No, this is normal, and you're growing up and like you're approaching adulthood.
16:45
Nate: And so, like, the message will last for years of like, we have this relationship, I'm proud of you, God's design is good for you, and we can we can work through this.
16:56
Nate: That bond between child and parent can strengthen even more.
16:59
Luis: And I love the way that you put that, Nate, because if if our kid walks away from this experience believing that that they can bring you anything, any question, any fear, any confusion, then you've just built a bridge that's gonna serve you well for decades to come.
17:15
Nate: Yeah, and that bridge matters more than any single, you know, thing you do on that trip or the weekend or whatever you end up doing, because you know, there's gonna be more questions.
17:26
Nate: You know, puberty is a phase that lasts a long time.
17:29
Nate: Yeah, it feels like.
17:30
Nate: And especially when you're going through those awkward, you know, mood swings or whatever, because the hormones are raging or you know, it they they stop making wise choices because their brain is flooded with you know weird hormones.
17:42
Nate: You know, you need to be there and and they need to know that the door's open and they can keep walking through it and you will receive them as they are in that moment.
17:52
Luis: And that's a natural segue into the fourth milestone, right?
17:56
Luis: Which is purity for life.
17:57
Luis: And and this one, if we're not careful with it, can really turn into a list of rules instead of what it's actually supposed to be.
18:04
Nate: Yeah, and that's and that's the danger, right?
18:06
Nate: Because the goal here with this fourth kind of milestone is is cultivating a gospel-centered perspective on relationships and boundaries and sexual integrity, and and notice it says it's gospel-centered, right?
18:21
Nate: Not rule-centered.
18:23
Nate: Because here's what happens is when when purity becomes about rules, your teenager either rebels against the rules or they keep the rules and think that that means that Jesus loves them more, right?
18:35
Nate: And so both of those sides are are dangerous.
18:38
Luis: And what you just described there is legalism, right?
18:41
Luis: Because legalism is gonna produce either rebellion or pride, and neither one of them is the gospel.
18:47
Luis: And so what we would say is the practice here is walking through intentional conversations.
18:53
Luis: Maybe it's through a church seminar, maybe it's through lessons that are being taught in your youth group or small group, and then maybe it's through your own guided conversations at home.
19:02
Luis: We've talked about Access before, and Access has great resources on how to have those conversations with your children, right?
19:09
Luis: We want to connect purity to something bigger.
19:12
Luis: It's not just don't do this, but instead treasure this.
19:16
Nate: Yeah, and I think that's that's really important because really what you're treasuring is God's gift of marriage, right?
19:22
Nate: Because we know, you know, sex you know, sex outside of marriage is is wrong, right?
19:28
Nate: And it was a gift created inside the institution of marriage.
19:33
Nate: And so honoring Christ with our bodies, because our bodies belong to him, you know, ultimately brings him glory.
19:40
Nate: And so that's the goal, not, you know, I'm trying to act a certain way because I'm gonna be a good person.
19:46
Nate: Yep.
19:47
Luis: And we touched a little bit on this in our episode on Timeless Truth when we talked about relationships, right?
19:52
Luis: So I would encourage you, go back and listen to that one after this, if if if you haven't caught that.
19:57
Luis: But it really pairs well with this milestone, specifically, right, the celebration piece that we're talking about here.
20:04
Luis: Because a purity ring or some type of keepsake, that's just a symbol, right?
20:09
Luis: That's not a magic charm that guarantees anything.
20:12
Luis: It becomes a physical reminder of a commitment that they make, ideally one with that they're making with genuine conviction, not just to please mom or dad, but but truly because this is what they want for their lives, because they know that this is what what Jesus wants for their lives.
20:30
Nate: Yeah, and I think that's that's really important.
20:33
Nate: Is it's the conversation that has to come before whatever, you know, symbol you choose to put in, you know, as part of this milestone, right?
20:43
Nate: The the the classic purity ring means nothing if it's just, you know, well, here's this ring, you know, as a special talisman, right?
20:51
Nate: It's it you're cultivating the heart that's shaped by the gospel.
20:55
Nate: And then that's the whole thread that's running through all of these milestones, right?
21:00
Nate: Is that you're you're you're not leading with the ceremony, you're not leading with the the mile marker or the trip or the symbol or whatever it is.
21:09
Nate: Those are just markers of what's already happening in your child's heart.
21:14
Luis: So let's quickly recap these milestones, right?
21:17
Luis: Yeah.
21:17
Luis: The first milestone is that parent and child dedication.
21:19
Luis: This is training parents to start the habit of daily faith talk from the very beginning.
21:24
Luis: If whether your child's two days old, two weeks old, two months old, two years, or twelve years, start it, right?
21:32
Luis: Milestone two is the profession of faith, which is equipping you, the parent, to walk your child to Christ personally.
21:39
Luis: Milestone three is preparing for adolescence, framing the changes that are happening to them around God's good design.
21:46
Luis: And then that fourth milestone is purity for life.
21:48
Luis: It's that gospel-centered, not legalistic view of relationships and integrity.
21:54
Nate: Yeah.
21:54
Nate: And so next time in part two, we're gonna pick back up right where we left off this kind of adolescent time frame, the teenage years, the passage into adulthood and graduation and beyond and all of that.
22:05
Nate: So uh if you're listening today, make sure you hit subscribe so you don't miss our next episode.
22:11
Nate: And and we want to be, you know, giving you this framework.
22:14
Nate: And and honestly, it if you look at it all at once, you might be a little overwhelmed.
22:19
Nate: But remember, this is just a roadmap for you to see where are you and where are you headed?
22:24
Nate: So, Lewis, maybe for that, you know, that that parent who feels a little overwhelmed just with these first four, what what encouragement would you give the parents as they're they're charting their course on this roadmap?
22:37
Luis: Yeah, so pick one milestone ahead of you and start planting the seeds there now.
22:41
Luis: Uh just in your everyday.
22:43
Luis: Don't don't overthink it, don't overcomplicate and say, I have to do all of these.
22:47
Luis: No, like start, start small uh in your everyday rhythm, in your everyday conversations.
22:52
Luis: The goal isn't to have some sort of checklist complete, but it's understanding that it's a long, beautiful journey of discipleship that's happening in your home.
23:00
Luis: And this is what I really want you to walk away with, right?
23:03
Luis: You you don't need to have all of this figured out today.
23:07
Luis: God isn't asking you to be that perfect parent.
23:10
Luis: And so just just start by showing up.
23:13
Luis: Start the conversation, plant the seed, and let God grow it.
23:17
Nate: Yeah, that is great.
23:19
Nate: And so, like I said, make sure you subscribe so you don't miss our next episode.
23:23
Nate: And we'd love for you to share this with another parent who you think might uh really use this roadmap, this framework as they are going along this parenting journey as well.
23:36
Nate: Uh, and until next time, keep leading the next generation to stand firm in their faith and influence the world for Christ.