Latest / RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way / Ep. 30 – Self Love

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Ep. 30 – Self Love · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Rise Up.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: Live Joy Your Way with Comedy Wood.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's time to step into your power.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Hi everybody, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: I am Comedy Wood, and I am so excited to have you here for this episode.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: For those of you who are not familiar with me, I am a certified life coach that works with individuals on healing that relationship with oneself and to stop outsourcing self-worth.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's really all about how we see ourselves and recognizing the value that we are without continuing to take on the I'm not good enough false center or to feel that we have to live to someone else's expectations.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's about really the inside out self-sourcing, self-sourcing our worth and knowing how valuable we really are.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: And that leads us into what I wanted to talk about today.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Today I wanted to discuss the topic of self-love.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason why this has come up for me is as I've been speaking with various clients, uh, the commonality that seems to pop up routinely is isn't self-love selfish?
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I just wanted to bring this out into the open because uh it took me some time to understand that self-love was not selfish.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um I am a recovering people pleaser myself.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: And oftentimes the idea of thinking about myself just seemed so self-centered and almost to use a term that is routinely used today is is narcissistic.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: I was there's this underlying worry that somehow I was a narcissist if I if I was practicing self-love.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: But the truth of the matter is that self-love is an essential quality.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's an essential quality.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: It is not narcissism, it's not selfish or indulgent, but it allows us to actually be empathetic.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: And it well, self-love is empathetic, and it's understanding the flaws that we have.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we're these spiritual beings having a human experience, and self-love actually recognizes the flaws that we have and appreciates the good that's within us, as well as recognizing when we have maybe made a mistake or we have not done something uh to the best of our ability, and recognizing that it's about how do we learn from that and move forward.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's not only important from a uh from our own positive emotional health, but the truth of the matter is that when we practice self-love, it fills us up.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: It fills our cup up, our own tank, if you will, up, so that then we can actually be there to be uh in a place where we can absorb what our loved ones may need us to absorb or at least be able to support them in their journey as well.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: If we consistently try to give, give, give, give, give, and we never actually practice self-love ours to to ourselves, we will end up with that empty tank, right?
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just like a gas car.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we we have to we have to stop and fill up the tank, otherwise, eventually we we we can't go any further.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: The the car can't run on an empty tank.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: We're the same way.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: We have to we have to be able to practice that self-love.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, even when I'm working with teens, it's something that I really do work with them on because there's this concept out there that if you care about yourself, that somehow you're this selfish person.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And uh if we can start allowing our children and our teens the space to understand that taking care of themselves and really um uh understanding who they are will help them.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: It'll help them be able to move forward with their life just on their own journey, but then also in relationship.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and again, it's not to be narcissistic where we we're only worried about our own needs and and we are, you know, putting down others in order to lift ourselves up or that we are somehow um, you know, think that we're so much better than.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's just a practice of what do I feel and what do I need?
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so here are some of the here are some exercises that we can do to actually practice self-love.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: The first one is a self-esteem checkup, you know, really um take going through the process of understanding where we fall in terms of how we see ourselves.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um there are several different tools that I use with my clients, but it's really about doing that self-check of how do we view ourselves and how can we, if if we're falling low on that spectrum in terms of self-esteem, really starting to address that rather than just letting it sit there, it's about really taking that on and recognizing, oh, okay, I've got to figure out a way to see myself in a better light and how do I do that?
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it is to find support through a coach or through a therapist or with your friends or family or pastor, but it's about how do I address that?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because if we don't address that and we don't practice that, it depletes us.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: We end up depleted, and it's really important in terms of being able to live the life that we want is is to make sure that we feel good about ourselves.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Another exercise to practice is, and and some of you may think this is silly, but it's actually to write a love letter to yourself.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, oftentimes, you know, we we dream about our spouse or our our partner sending us a love letter, but I used to talk about this often, which is our relationship with ourselves is really the most important one first and foremost.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: How we see ourselves then gets mirrored back to us in other relationships that we have.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: So it's really important to to honor ourselves and to value ourselves and to respect ourselves as well.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so maybe one of the well, one of the ways that we can do, can build our um our self-esteem as well as just practice self-love is to write us a love love letter to ourselves, really recognize the qualities that we have and honor them, really recognize um our values and our core gifts and honor them and and really honor it through the process of writing.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because again, when we put it in through an output channel or pen to paper, you know, it's getting out of our head and onto paper.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: It allows our brain to actually process it.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: It does enter into our reticular activating system in our minds, so it becomes part of our consciousness rather than just playing in the background, which again brings it to the forefront.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: And when we do practice that more, it's an active form of practicing self-love, it fills our cup up.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um there are a couple other tools that are out there.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I've often had my clients take an emotional wellness quiz that sometimes helps just identif uh people identify the degree which they they recognize and accept their own feelings.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: The reason why this is important is because um practicing um emotional well or making sure that you are honoring your emotional wellness and and really making sure that you're giving the space for yourself to have the emotions that you have.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Again, so many of us try to suppress our emotions.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: We try to put them in a box, you know, put on the brave face, muscle through, and it's about recognizing that emotions are uh energy in motion.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: They are meant to be in motion.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: We're meant we are meant to, our emotions are telling us something, and a lot of times they're telling us something that we need.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: And when we don't pay attention to them or we suppress them, we're actually suppressing our need.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: So it's really important to honor them and to make sure that we're paying attention to them in order to really fulfill the needs that we're having.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: So again, this is just another form of self-love.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Another great exercise to practice self-love is to just answer the question, who am I?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know that's a fundamental question.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Who am I?
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: And in doing so, we can actually examine what we're thinking, feeling, needing, and that enables us to really see ourselves.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Again, as we go through each and every day, a lot of times we're just box-checking or we're doing things for others in such a f on in such a fast pace, on such a fast pace, that we're not actually taking the time to see ourselves.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so a way to practice self-love and a way to practice um the the and actually practice seeing ourselves, making ourselves visible is to ask the question, who am I, and then to answer that question.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: Really anchor into who you are, what are those core gifts, what are your core values?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I talk about this a lot with clients, especially when they're carrying around that false center of invisibility, where their needs don't matter, it their voice doesn't matter.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: It is so important to honor yourself in that way and make sure that you hear yourself and you see yourself.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then, of course, um it's it's this um really exploring and making sure that you understand how much value you bring.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: You know, the con this concept of self-worth, it's about recognizing that you are your unique being, and that unique being is what is this gift to the world.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's about letting go of the idea of being a carbon copy of other people, or that we have to compare ourselves to other people, or do we measure up to those external expectations, or did we did we get the validation from that person or that person?
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's really going within ourselves and recognizing how valuable we are and recognizing it from the inside out, really honoring the things that we bring to the table.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of constantly sitting there in self-judgment and putting ourselves down, it's about really honoring the things that we have, that we that we are accomplishing on a daily basis.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: You know, the even if it's a small thing.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why one of the really great ways to do practice this and practice this self-love is at the end of the day, when you come to, you know, right before you're getting ready to go to bed at night, it's about um taking the time to recognize the things that you had that you've done really well that day, or that you've done well just in general, whether it's big or small, just taking the time to recognize those wins, recognize what you have done with your time, and just also honoring the fact that each and every day you're showing up and facing whatever's coming your way.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes, you know, life does throw us these curveballs, and we're not totally sure how we're gonna face it.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: But the truth of the matter is is we continue to face it.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we we might stumble and trip through facing it, but we face it nonetheless, and it's all about how we can celebrate that and honor that.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: And in that sense, we're building up that our self-love.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: We're we're seeing ourselves becoming visible to ourselves so we can stand in this intention of you know bringing forth our best self, bringing forth our best self not just for ourselves, but for those that we are in relationship with.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that's truly how we cultivate healthy relationships.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: When we come in as a whole person, and instead of being um feeling less than, that's how we can create these relationships of interdependency rather than codependency.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: And as I've said, talked about before on other episodes, that's when the toxicity happens, is when we create these um these uh you know, these environments of of codependent relationships.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: So it's really important to do that.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: So in in in a vein to just sort of address this this idea that self-love is selfish, I just kind of wanted to take a I wanted to take the time to have an episode just on you know ways that we can uh raise our self-love and to just touch on the idea that self-love isn't it's not a selfish thing.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: If we really break it down and we really want to to understand how it is the opposite of selfish, you know, it's actually creating space.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: You're act by taking care of yourself and filling that tank, and you're actually creating space for people to be able to lean on you.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because as I said earlier, if we're empty, there's nothing for us to give anybody.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: We can't even absorb what it is that they want us to absorb.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: We're not even really fully present.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's actually we're doing, we're actually helping other people by taking care of ourselves because it means that when we are in relationship with them, we're gonna show up more fully, completely, and engaged.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: If I can support you in any way or you're facing something that you would like to chat with me about, feel free to go over, uh hop over to chatwithcomedy.com and book a time.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: I am happy to speak with you.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: Or if you'd like information on topics like this or anything else, you can check out my blog, which is on comedywood.com.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, I'm Comedy Wood.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for listening to Rise Up.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: Always remember your uniqueness and the gift that you bring to this world.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: Life happens for you, not to you.