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Dust Off Your Soul: Finding Faith After Devastation · Is Your Way In Your Way?

• 0:43
  Cassandra: Good day out there to all of my listeners and I'd like to welcome you to Is your Way In your Way podcast and I'm your host.
• 0:52
  Cassandra: My name is Cassandra Crawley Mayo and, for my new listeners out there, the name of my book is titled Is your Way In your Way.
• 1:00
  Cassandra: It's a self-discovery guide for women on how to restore yourself, learn from your experiences and be your true self again.
• 1:08
  Cassandra: This podcast is also about individuals who are stuck, that you know that there's something calling your soul, but you just can't seem to get to it.
• 1:18
  Cassandra: It's kind of like the book I wrote.
• 1:20
  Cassandra: I've been wanting to write a book forever, but I just could not get to it.
• 1:24
  Cassandra: I couldn't write the book.
• 1:25
  Cassandra: I was stuck.
• 1:26
  Cassandra: Those individuals that want to be an entrepreneur, you want to be an author, You like to forgive somebody, you need to get out of a toxic relationship.
• 1:34
  Cassandra: It's just a gamut of things that you aren't able to let go.
• 1:39
  Cassandra: Also, in other words, you have what I call these self-imposed barriers.
• 1:46
  Cassandra: That's preventing you from living your best life on your terms.
• 1:51
  Cassandra: And boy do we have a topic today, topics related to giving you an opportunity to do some self-reflection, and the name of the topic is do not give up.
• 2:01
  Cassandra: And who better to talk about that topic is my special guest, Gina Economopoulos.
• 2:09
  Cassandra: Just one moment, listeners.
• 2:10
  Cassandra: Economopoulos, I want to keep saying it.
• 2:14
  Cassandra: Economopoulos, I told you I was going to say her name once.
• 2:21
  Cassandra: Say it again, gina.
• 2:23
  Gina: It's Economopoulos.
• 2:25
  Cassandra: Economopoulos.
• 2:26
  Cassandra: Okay, well, welcome to.
• 2:28
  Cassandra: Is your Way, in your Way, Gina, and I am looking forward and my, oh, my goodness, my listeners cannot wait to hear about Do Not Give Up.
• 2:38
  Cassandra: How many times have we wanted to give up on something?
• 2:41
  Cassandra: Okay, now, before we delve into Gina's story, I want to tell you a little bit about her background so that you can get a tidbit of what she's about before we take our deep dive.
• 2:55
  Cassandra: Gina's journey is one of resilience and purpose.
• 2:59
  Cassandra: She was born as the seventh of eight children in a warm Italianreek family in Searset, new York.
• 3:10
  Cassandra: Gina's path was shaped by love, faith and a series of life-altering surgeries.
• 3:17
  Cassandra: A social science graduate with a background in both social work and bartending, she found herself on a profound spiritual journey after her mother's passing, spending 12 years in a convent before dedicating herself to caring for adults with disabilities.
• 3:37
  Cassandra: Now Gina's also serving as an end-of-life doula, offering compassion and guidance to those in their final moments grounded in her faith and the strength of her sobriety.
• 3:50
  Cassandra: Through Alcoholics Anonymous, through life's highs and lows, from golf and pool to beach days, gina walks her path with gratitude, service and unwavering grace.
• 4:03
  Cassandra: She is the author of a number one bestseller Shake the Dust Off your Feet and Walk.
• 4:09
  Cassandra: Wow.
• 4:09
  Cassandra: I'm just telling Gina, before we got on, I love that title and I will tell you all later, as we get into our conversation, why I love that title, so much as Gina will tell you why she came up with that title.
• 4:22
  Cassandra: So, gina, tell us a little bit about your backstory.
• 4:28
  Gina: Okay, as I'm from Syosset, new York, like you shared, I'm from one of eight kids I do have to say I had loving parents, unconditional love.
• 4:37
  Gina: I grew up in a real big family and I mean my parents were so loving to me and the way they raised us that as a kid loving to me and the way they raised us that as a kid, by the time I was 18, I wanted to get married and have eight kids by the time I turned 22.
• 4:56
  Gina: Because I just saw my family.
• 5:01
  Gina: I just it was just they were just so good they put my dad was a hard worker provided for us.
• 5:05
  Gina: We I mean we learned.
• 5:05
  Gina: We also learned how to work for ourselves, you know.
• 5:08
  Gina: So we had that kind of upbringing, yeah.
• 5:11
  Gina: But, yet at the same time, I, out of the eight children I happened to be born with a lot of physical problems.
• 5:18
  Gina: Okay, physical limitations.
• 5:20
  Gina: I was born.
• 5:22
  Gina: Six weeks after I was born, my mom noticed I had a hip.
• 5:27
  Gina: I was always crying and my hips were out of place and comes to find out that I had a hip replacement, so I was in a body cast.
• 5:35
  Gina: Of course I don't remember that, but I do believe it's always in our unconscious mind.
• 5:40
  Gina: You know, I was in a body cast my first year, just about, and then at the same time I was so gifted with my father.
• 5:51
  Gina: My father had these extra bone tumors.
• 5:54
  Gina: It's a disease called osteogenic, whatever I mean it's a long word but I inherited.
• 6:00
  Gina: So growing up I had a lot of surgeries, you know when.
• 6:05
  Gina: I was maybe first grade, third grade.
• 6:08
  Gina: I have all these nice scars on me and I say that I was blessed because nobody in my family got it, it was just me.
• 6:17
  Cassandra: It was just you, it was just me.
• 6:20
  Gina: So I was physically limited growing up.
• 6:22
  Gina: And my siblings, you know six older siblings and one younger brother.
• 6:28
  Gina: They were all athletic, all popular, pretty, and I just I didn't feel that way because I was like a black cloud I felt like, or the black sheep.
• 6:40
  Gina: And then also my mom, who I mean loved dearly.
• 6:43
  Gina: She had my younger brother when she was 49 years old six years after me.
• 6:49
  Gina: So one would you know the doctors did say could be, you know, but he was perfectly fine, perfectly fine.
• 6:55
  Gina: So I mean, like I said, I was filled with love the house, but I didn't love myself because I compared myself to people.
• 7:03
  Gina: I always had a smile.
• 7:05
  Gina: I was cute.
• 7:07
  Gina: Everyone called me Gina, lola, brigida, so I'm like yeah.
• 7:09
  Gina: Absolutely yeah, and I try to keep up with everyone.
• 7:15
  Gina: Keep up you know with, whether it's I couldn't play sports or I'd be a fan, a cheerleader, or I tried to fit into different groups.
• 7:22
  Gina: You know looking for that love and acceptance, not from my family but from the.
• 7:26
  Gina: You know, growing up in the 80s, that's where, you know, I'm like, yeah, let's.
• 7:29
  Gina: You know.
• 7:33
  Cassandra: I want to be popular.
• 7:34
  Gina: I want to be loved by my friends and and and.
• 7:36
  Gina: For some reason, I just felt like I was a unique person.
• 7:39
  Cassandra: I mean for me.
• 7:40
  Gina: I was a unique individual.
• 7:41
  Gina: I didn't really like myself.
• 7:43
  Gina: I had a low self-esteem.
• 7:44
  Gina: I just was like insecure.
• 7:47
  Gina: I felt I would feel inadequate, like if I would wear something I just Didn't.
• 7:53
  Gina: I just felt so inadequate.
• 7:55
  Gina: And you know, as time went on, throughout my Childhood, as well as Going into high school and to college, that's where alcohol surfaced, that's where I was Drinking, because I was drinking to, to run away to run away, not that I was stuck, I was a runaway, or you know, I didn't want to be stuck, so you know to numb the pain cause.
• 8:20
  Gina: There was such pain inside me without realizing it.
• 8:22
  Gina: But then I figured every kid goes through this, you know.
• 8:25
  Gina: But I don't know you know, I'm not sure I don't know how it is, but that's what what I had done that was.
• 8:38
  Cassandra: My solution is to okay when I drink the alcohol, then I'm the life of the party.
• 8:41
  Cassandra: I'm this exactly you're popular and yeah, yeah, that's what I want.
• 8:43
  Gina: But but yet it was sort of like hard because I had to keep.
• 8:46
  Gina: You know, I kept drinking and drinking and and I would wake up and I would be the same old Gina.
• 8:51
  Gina: You know that inside, like really okay.
• 8:54
  Cassandra: Yeah, it didn't go away.
• 8:56
  Gina: It didn't go away, exactly it didn't.
• 8:58
  Gina: It was like a soul sickness.
• 8:59
  Gina: I look back in hindsight you know, today I look back, there was a soul sickness, there was an emptiness, there was, you know, some.
• 9:06
  Gina: There was a child in there that was just covering herself up the way I see it today.
• 9:13
  Gina: And then, of course, in college.
• 9:15
  Gina: My dad was very gracious, hardworking, put us all through college.
• 9:19
  Gina: All eight of us and I went away to school, went to Connecticut.
• 9:23
  Gina: I wanted to go to a small school to have fun.
• 9:27
  Gina: So that's why I wasn't going to no Ivy League school.
• 9:31
  Gina: I didn't want to study because it was hard for me, I just wanted to have fun.
• 9:35
  Cassandra: I wanted to drink and have fun, okay, yeah Right, hang out and be popular, and everybody know you and all of that, wow, yeah.
• 9:42
  Cassandra: Let me ask you, though, when you were growing up, was there anything that you dreamed of doing, that you wanted to do, any vocation you had in your heart?
• 9:53
  Gina: I wanted to get married and have eight kids and be like my mother.
• 9:58
  Gina: That's it, you know be taking care of the house, taking care of kids?
• 10:03
  Gina: Have my husband provide?
• 10:06
  Gina: I mean, of course, if I had to provide I would, but that was that was my first front is to be to be married and have a big family.
• 10:15
  Cassandra: Interesting.
• 10:15
  Cassandra: That's what I wanted to do.
• 10:16
  Gina: I wanted to be married with a white picket fence and have kids yes, yes, exactly because also my oldest siblings, some of them are 10 years older, and I saw then that's what they did.
• 10:30
  Gina: So when they went to college, they found the love of their life and to this day they're still married and they have kids and grandkids.
• 10:37
  Gina: And so when I went into college I was like, okay, you know, I want to find a man, but I wasn't like I said.
• 10:45
  Gina: I was so insecure of myself, like, I would sad to say, like I wouldn't have a man.
• 10:47
  Gina: It.
• 10:47
  Gina: I was so insecure of myself, like I would say, to say, like I, I wouldn't have a man who'd be here and there, and it was just like I.
• 10:52
  Gina: I didn't like myself, I didn't really respect myself and uh, and so you know that carried on throughout college and I did graduate.
• 11:01
  Gina: And I graduated with a social work degree in sociology, because to me it was the easiest subject I thought.
• 11:09
  Gina: But also, cassandra, I had a heart of service.
• 11:14
  Gina: I've always had a heart.
• 11:15
  Gina: I always like to help people on the streets.
• 11:19
  Gina: You know, I was always like helping, helping, helping yeah so that's what I thought.
• 11:23
  Gina: Social work oh, I could help people people but yet I really wanted to find a man first, but at the end of my college graduation.
• 11:32
  Gina: Yes, I got a degree, and at this time my parents moved from Long Island to Pennsylvania.
• 11:43
  Gina: They retired and my mom says, oh, gina, we have an extra room for you.
• 11:49
  Gina: You want to come?
• 11:50
  Gina: And I'm like, okay, I mean it was the best opportunity then to go.
• 11:55
  Gina: So I did and I went.
• 11:58
  Gina: I was looking for jobs under social work you know for the state and that's how I landed up bartending.
• 12:05
  Gina: I went to, I started bartending and I'm like, oh my God, this is it, this is my major.
• 12:11
  Gina: I could talk to people, I could hear their problems.
• 12:15
  Cassandra: I could share my suggestions.
• 12:19
  Gina: And then I could leave and that's it, goodbye.
• 12:22
  Gina: Take their money and I don't have to deal with government.
• 12:25
  Gina: I don't have to deal with the laws or anything like that.
• 12:29
  Gina: So I felt I mean, and I have a personality plus, I'm like yeah, yeah, yeah, you know I always smiled and so, but at the same time I was still searching.
• 12:39
  Gina: I know I was still searching.
• 12:41
  Gina: You know there was like that, like poor, whatever.
• 12:45
  Gina: And then I remember going into trying to positive thinking Now at this time I was raised Catholic, but by the time I went into college I just stopped going to church.
• 12:56
  Gina: It wasn't like I didn't believe, like not that I didn't believe in God, I didn't need God, you know, like he's out there and, granted, my parents were very devout Catholics to the day they both died, you know.
• 13:09
  Gina: And so I'm just like, okay, you know, I don't need it.
• 13:13
  Gina: So, and my mother being under her roof, she didn't enforce going to church.
• 13:17
  Gina: But she says, oh, it'd be nice you find a nice man.
• 13:20
  Gina: I'm like no, I got a bartender.
• 13:22
  Cassandra: Wow.
• 13:25
  Gina: So, yeah, so that was that.
• 13:26
  Gina: So I thought, talking about another dream, you were asking okay, now, granted, I'm not married yet, I don't have eight kids yet.
• 13:34
  Gina: My dream was to be to work on a love boat.
• 13:39
  Gina: Did you remember the love boat, julie McCoy?
• 13:42
  Gina: I remember that Like hospitality.
• 13:44
  Gina: Yeah, that's me, you know, have fun, be the center of attention.
• 13:47
  Gina: And I said, yeah, that's what I'm gonna do.
• 13:52
  Gina: So I had all these uh applications to carnival, cruise lines and things like that.
• 13:57
  Gina: So I'm like this is my dream, this is what I want to do.
• 14:00
  Gina: I could do it because I I'm a people pleaser, I'm a people person too, like, like that and so.
• 14:06
  Gina: But during that time, my mother who never gets sick moms never get sick but she went in for like a minor back surgery and she came out and the doctor said that she had bone cancer, terminally ill, and she had four to six months to live.
• 14:25
  Gina: And I'm like what to live and I'm like what you know, what is that?
• 14:29
  Gina: What is that?
• 14:30
  Gina: And it happened in August and the day that we, I remember to this day that when we were told this, the next day my younger brother, steven, went off to college.
• 14:42
  Gina: So he left for his first year of going to college.
• 14:46
  Gina: He just graduated from high school.
• 14:47
  Gina: My other siblings are married and, you know, have kids and out of you know, away or wherever, and so it was just my dad and me.
• 14:56
  Gina: So those applications never went out.
• 15:00
  Gina: I was like, okay, you know, I can't do it because my mother, like I love my mom.
• 15:05
  Gina: Moms are special, you know and so I took care of my mom with my dad and, and we were with my mom 24 7.
• 15:16
  Gina: If I couldn't be there, I was there.
• 15:18
  Gina: Even in the hospital, dad would sleep on the floor.
• 15:20
  Gina: I'd come early morning, get you know coffee like this.
• 15:23
  Gina: We never left my mom.
• 15:25
  Gina: My siblings would come in, you know, maybe once or twice a month to help out, but they couldn't, sometimes couldn't, couldn't, not say couldn't stand, but it was hard for them to see my mother in that position, or you know, and for me my mom always looked great Cassandra, I don't know what it was, but she always looked great, even to the end, when she had her little hair up, and back then she did do three treatments but she had bone cancer.
• 15:53
  Gina: So I mean back then it's not maybe today and her cancer was from.
• 15:58
  Gina: It's like a childhood cancer it only appears in children, but, needless to say, you know.
• 16:05
  Gina: So now, this time when my mom was diagnosed with cancer.
• 16:07
  Gina: Okay, let's bring the rosaries out, let's bring the prayers out.
• 16:11
  Gina: Okay, god, I'm going to go back to church if you heal my mom.
• 16:17
  Gina: So that started my relationship with God.
• 16:19
  Gina: Okay, I'm praying all these prayers, I'm doing this, I'm doing this, I'm doing this, but ultimately, my mom died in those five months.
• 16:29
  Cassandra: You know what mom died in those five months like, uh, you know what it's?
• 16:34
  Cassandra: It's when I listen to your story and it's it's like you had trauma.
• 16:36
  Cassandra: Not only did your mom pass, you had a fiancee, you had an employer, um, uh, that passed, um, you talked, talked about you had an addiction, you talked about you drinking.
• 16:55
  Cassandra: I just want to know how did all of this shape your life?
• 17:01
  Cassandra: How did you navigate through these devastating experiences?
• 17:07
  Gina: Oh, I have to say it was through God's grace, without me realizing it.
• 17:12
  Gina: I have to say that I, to be honest, I, you know what was.
• 17:16
  Gina: The best thing that helped me through is breathing and crying.
• 17:20
  Gina: All I did was cry, cry, cry.
• 17:24
  Gina: All I did was like move forward, trying to do what's next step or whatever it may be.
• 17:30
  Gina: I was simply existing Cassandra during that time.
• 17:33
  Gina: Okay, During the sisterhood and everything, it was sort of like God was carrying me along.
• 17:41
  Cassandra: And then when I thought I had a breather like, ah, I got a breath.
• 17:44
  Gina: Then something else happens.
• 17:45
  Gina: Wow Like you said, like something else happens.
• 17:48
  Gina: Okay, this is it, I'm going to do this.
• 17:50
  Gina: This is great.
• 17:51
  Gina: Wow, there was really nothing in me to sustain what was going on in my life.
• 18:08
  Gina: I don't know if that makes sense.
• 18:11
  Gina: It does.
• 18:11
  Gina: You were just there.
• 18:12
  Gina: I was just there.
• 18:14
  Gina: You were existing.
• 18:15
  Gina: Yes, I was existing Right.
• 18:19
  Cassandra: That poem about in the sand.
• 18:21
  Cassandra: It was like you were being carried.
• 18:22
  Cassandra: You saw the footprints but you didn't see yours.
• 18:24
  Cassandra: It was somebody that was carrying you, wow.
• 18:28
  Gina: And I didn't see that somebody until years later.
• 18:30
  Gina: You know, when I came into the rooms of AA, that's where I realized like wow, god was carrying me and so how did you find, how did you find your purpose, your meaning in life, like what Something had to happen.
• 18:47
  Cassandra: Happen, gina, for you to to overcome and navigate through all of that.
• 18:51
  Cassandra: What, what, what happened?
• 18:53
  Gina: well that what happened was is that you know I had joined the convent.
• 18:59
  Gina: I was there for 12 years.
• 19:00
  Gina: I got kicked out, I had a lot of pain and suffering in that and that's where I shook yeah, that's where I shook the dust off my feet and walk.
• 19:07
  Gina: It wasn't a happy ending of leaving.
• 19:10
  Cassandra: I left Well, excuse me.
• 19:12
  Cassandra: So you went to the convent after your mom and all this devastation and you felt that doing that would help.
• 19:21
  Gina: Yes, yes, after, after my mom died, I came back to the Catholic roots.
• 19:25
  Gina: And then I, in that I, I thought, I thought I became a nun.
• 19:29
  Gina: My vocation.
• 19:30
  Gina: I joined a convent.
• 19:32
  Gina: I thought that was my whole life, my whole life.
• 19:34
  Gina: I made final vows.
• 19:36
  Gina: So I was married to the church, married to God and married to the community, married to the people, because we worked with the poor.
• 19:44
  Cassandra: For 12 years now, for 12 years I did that for 12 years, now, for 12 years.
• 19:49
  Gina: I did that for 12 years and then at the end of the last two years there was a lot of hardship, a lot of suffering and'm thinking to myself but God, how could this happen to me?
• 19:58
  Gina: I'm in a religious you know, religious community.
• 20:15
  Gina: I was so confused because everybody loved me as a sister I mean, I was a famous, well-known sister back then.
• 20:23
  Gina: But the community and once again in hindsight it was just, it was a new community it was sick, they were going in one direction, my sphere was going in this direction and it just didn't clash, you know the community of nuns that you were in Right Right.
• 20:40
  Cassandra: So it just as you indicated, it went one way and you were going another way and you were going another way.
• 20:48
  Cassandra: Yeah, yeah, and so you knew.
• 20:50
  Cassandra: It sounded like you knew this wasn't working for you, right?
• 20:54
  Cassandra: It sounded like that.
• 20:57
  Gina: Yes, I do have to say, during my time as a nun, like maybe my fifth year in, sixth year in I would present it to my I didn't feel right.
• 21:05
  Gina: I didn't you know, because I was full of fear, full of pain.
• 21:08
  Gina: Things were just going on.
• 21:10
  Gina: I didn't feel right.
• 21:10
  Gina: I didn't you know I was cause.
• 21:11
  Gina: I was full of fear, full of pain.
• 21:12
  Gina: Things were just going on.
• 21:12
  Gina: I was, I was just being hurt and I was like, oh, this is not meant for me.
• 21:15
  Gina: So I would talk to my director and another priest and they kept saying oh no, you belong here, you belong here.
• 21:23
  Gina: And I'm like, and I'm thinking that's the word of God, okay, I guess I'm meant to suffer.
• 21:28
  Gina: That's how I feel.
• 21:29
  Gina: It continued.
• 21:31
  Gina: It continued and then it came to a point where they said you don't belong here anymore.
• 21:36
  Cassandra: You know, like I had gone through so much.
• 21:38
  Gina: It was just a real ugly scene.
• 21:39
  Gina: It was a very ugly scene that I see God allowed it and I thank God today that I did go through it, because I did persevere.
• 21:47
  Gina: I mean, there was a point where I was stuck and there was a point where I could have easily left.
• 21:53
  Gina: It's like a marriage, you know, a marriage you could just easily leave.
• 21:57
  Gina: You know I could have easily left, but I knew if I left I don't know where I would be today.
• 22:03
  Gina: I didn't know where, because I went to get the help that they told me to get, and I went for therapy.
• 22:09
  Gina: I went all this, and, and I did everything that they asked me to do, and, and, and.
• 22:13
  Gina: At the end they said, well, you don't belong here anymore.
• 22:15
  Gina: So you know, let's depart our ways.
• 22:18
  Gina: And and I was in my forties and I was like, oh my God, what do I do now?
• 22:22
  Cassandra: Yeah.
• 22:24
  Gina: Well, I went to go live with those men with disabilities.
• 22:27
  Gina: I was living with adults with disabilities, down syndrome, autistic and that's where it was a transition time because, you know, in the convent I lived.
• 22:37
  Gina: I didn't live a worldly life, we lived a very austere life.
• 22:41
  Gina: Tv.
• 22:49
  Gina: None of this, none of this.
• 22:50
  Gina: So I was sort of like you know what do?
• 22:51
  Gina: I do.
• 22:51
  Gina: How do I use a phone or anything like that?
• 22:52
  Gina: So I lived in this.
• 22:52
  Gina: It was a transition time where I lived with men with disabilities as well as women, and all I did was they loved me.
• 22:59
  Gina: They just loved me.
• 23:00
  Gina: Like I was so dead at this point, but they loved me Right.
• 23:05
  Cassandra: And that's exactly what I needed.
• 23:08
  Cassandra: You know, and.
• 23:09
  Gina: I and I learned a lot and everything.
• 23:10
  Gina: So, okay, now, what am I going to do now?
• 23:13
  Gina: Two years I did that and I said you know what I want to do, what Gina wants to do you know, and what Gina wanted to do is another thing.
• 23:21
  Gina: What Gina wanted to do is go to the beach and live by the beach, so that's where I ended up.
• 23:26
  Gina: Here at the Jersey Shore, I'm like, yes, I'm at the beach, you know, because you know, growing up in New York, I grew up with the beach and and then Gina did not want to serve anyone.
• 23:36
  Gina: She didn't want to go into service because I was just so overwhelmed and so, like you know, I just didn't want to do it, so I decided to go back to bartending.
• 23:47
  Cassandra: So I went back to bartending okay, so you just so, living amongst individuals with disabilities, you got to a point where you realized that wasn't it either for you.
• 23:58
  Gina: No, okay, all right and meanwhile they thought it was or they would want it to be, because wherever I go, cassandra, they all love me.
• 24:06
  Gina: You know what it's like.
• 24:07
  Gina: Oh yeah, you'd be great for here, you know.
• 24:09
  Gina: But yet, as much as I love them, but it was like you know what it's not for me, it's not for me.
• 24:16
  Gina: So I just wanted to kind of live a normal life.
• 24:20
  Cassandra: Like, up until then I didn't yeah, and I didn't To me.
• 24:24
  Gina: my normal life is to get like a nine to five job, whatever, whatever you know like this.
• 24:28
  Gina: But I ended up getting bartending because I didn't have any really jobs before that.
• 24:33
  Gina: You know, I was a bartender, a sister, and now I'm a bartender.
• 24:37
  Gina: So I'm like, ok, I'll just get my feet wet you know, see taste of the world, or whatever it may be.
• 24:44
  Gina: And I'm back in the alcohol scene.
• 24:47
  Gina: Ok, OK.
• 24:47
  Gina: And then were you still drinking then?
• 24:52
  Gina: I, yes and no, Not not, as I was like.
• 24:59
  Gina: I was like I was trying not to drink, you know, but I wasn't as much drinking as I was years before that, okay.
• 25:03
  Gina: And and and, but I like to drink.
• 25:05
  Gina: So I was always there.
• 25:06
  Gina: You know, I did drink, drink, but I didn't think I had a problem.
• 25:09
  Gina: But anyhow, danny came in and we talked a gentleman and we just talked, talked, talked and we went out on a date and I was like, oh, maybe this is it, you know, my first relationship, you know, like okay, granted, I won't have eight, eight kids, but maybe I'll get that white picket fence yeah and um, but it turns out that, uh, he was an alcoholic.
• 25:34
  Gina: It came, you know, I didn't realize that and he was active.
• 25:37
  Gina: So I'm like, okay, you know, and he, he encouraged me to go to Al-Anon, which is a 12-step program for family.
• 25:45
  Gina: So, yeah, I did and uh, but he was the problem, I wasn't and.
• 25:50
  Gina: But then I come to find out in in Al-Anon that, um, yes, I was part of a problem too, you know.
• 25:57
  Gina: And I also came into Al-Anon because I in Al-Anon, you hear people sharing their experience with families that are in addiction, growing up, whatever, and my eyes opened up and I said oh my God, that's how I experienced in the convent without them picking up a drink.
• 26:14
  Gina: You know, there's manipulation, there's fear, there's like let's hide this, nobody needs to say it, you know.
• 26:21
  Gina: I mean, they weren't drinkers, this is just.
• 26:44
  Gina: I was in hindsight, I look, I was the drinker, but I just felt like that dynamic, you know in hindsight I look I was the checker, but I just felt like that dynamic, you know and understanding.
• 26:54
  Cassandra: Okay, so it was time.
• 26:54
  Cassandra: Yeah, so let me ask you.
• 26:55
  Cassandra: So let's move forward a bit.
• 26:57
  Cassandra: Okay, it was something that got you to where you are today.
• 27:03
  Cassandra: Yes, okay, what in the world was that?
• 27:09
  Gina: What in the world was that?
• 27:11
  Gina: Well, danny, he ultimately died from this disease.
• 27:14
  Gina: I found him dead a month before our wedding day, and that was a moment that I was shocked.
• 27:21
  Gina: I was not even existing, I was dead, dead zombie.
• 27:25
  Gina: And so that happened in indiana.
• 27:34
  Gina: I came back then I, I, I just I that I don't really remember those, because I was in such pain and such grief.
• 27:36
  Gina: And at this point I'm angry with god because I'm like I don't understand this, like here I am.
• 27:42
  Gina: And so I got to a point, cassandra, where, after danny's death and coming back to the Jersey Shore and realizing, because his mom died too, danny's mom died too in this accident.
• 27:52
  Gina: I mean, it was just trauma.
• 27:54
  Cassandra: One thing after another.
• 27:56
  Gina: Exactly.
• 27:56
  Gina: Then I'm like this is my life, You're talking about my life Because, Sandra, at that moment my life was to be miserable.
• 28:02
  Gina: My life was to be in this dark dungeon within my heart and soul, in a thick concrete wall with no light and wet you know, cold.
• 28:12
  Gina: Right, that was it I.
• 28:14
  Gina: I came to, I mean, but when I came, wits in.
• 28:17
  Cassandra: It sounds like you at your wits in, and maybe that's a lot to do with the title.
• 28:22
  Cassandra: Do not give up amen, amen.
• 28:25
  Gina: So, anyhow, I so when I did come back, I once, once again, I'm just a zombie, I don't know I.
• 28:31
  Gina: Some of the stuff happened in between, and then I found myself going into the rooms of AA, and that's where alcoholics go in 12 step program.
• 28:43
  Gina: But I went in there, cassandra, to find out why Danny is dead and these guys are sober.
• 28:51
  Gina: I was like I didn't understand, you know, because Danny, I, you know, I was with him when he was sober, great, and he did work a program, but then yet his he had such a bad accident that led him to his death and such as you know.
• 29:05
  Gina: But anyhow, I was like, why, why?
• 29:07
  Gina: So I would.
• 29:07
  Gina: So I was invited to go into these rooms of AA which I'm not an alcoholic, not me and so I went in and there's like a tradition saying the desire not to pick up.
• 29:18
  Gina: So I says, yeah, I'll identify because I want to hear.
• 29:21
  Gina: But at the same time I wanted to kill everyone.
• 29:24
  Gina: If my eyes could kill, they would be dead.
• 29:27
  Gina: And I was just so.
• 29:30
  Gina: I did that for almost a year, going to this club by me, and and I was just like moving, moving.
• 29:37
  Gina: I didn't celebrate holidays, I didn't, I just was existing, just yeah me along I, and during that time I prayed to god, not to uh.
• 29:46
  Gina: I didn't want to wake up the next morning, but I did, did, and I just kept going, and I kept going.
• 29:50
  Gina: But then it was in the rooms of AA for me when I realized, on April 2nd 2015, that I'm an alcoholic, and that just was like oh, my God opened up, but at first, cassandra.
• 30:05
  Gina: It opened up all the pain that I stopped, all the pain that I ran from from a child, from my insecurities.
• 30:14
  Gina: It was, it was red, hot fire.
• 30:17
  Gina: And it's like and then it's the.
• 30:19
  Gina: Now I say I'm an alcoholic and I'm joining this club here and I'm like okay, what do I do with it?
• 30:24
  Gina: I used to go to the alcohol to numb it, you know, to get rid of that pain.
• 30:28
  Gina: I would go or I would go to my, my self-pity couch, be miserable be like oh, we'll be like this so it's like I had to learn, and which took a while, you know.
• 30:38
  Gina: Learn to, you know, live life on life's terms.
• 30:41
  Gina: I had to, you know, one day at a time.
• 30:43
  Gina: So so I really went, I brought my, like God did for me what I couldn't do for myself he kept bringing me into those, even those meetings, I kept listening, kept listening, and in the meetings you get a sponsor, you know somebody else to help you work the steps as a step program and in that I was like okay, okay, okay.
• 31:02
  Gina: And then in that God came back in my life in a powerful way.
• 31:08
  Cassandra: Wow.
• 31:09
  Gina: Because I hated God Cassandra, when I went in there, you were angry.
• 31:13
  Gina: I was so angry and I had no problem telling people that because this is me and of course people meant well and people will come up to me and say, oh no, god loves you.
• 31:24
  Gina: I was like no crap, god loves me.
• 31:26
  Gina: I was married to him.
• 31:27
  Gina: We're divorced, I said.
• 31:29
  Gina: He's just on the couch.
• 31:30
  Gina: But it was such a learning process which, through pain, and suffering, but at the same time there was light, because you know, he came back into my life, I got a new life, a new relationship.
• 31:43
  Gina: One day at a time, you know, and work in a program, and, and, and, and, then bringing scripture back in my life and bring, you know, just bringing light and life.
• 31:53
  Gina: That, that, that concrete wall that I was stuck in.
• 31:56
  Gina: Yeah, for a long time.
• 31:59
  Gina: Eventually, you know some god and you know just kept hammering it down, hammering it down, and then there were moments it was like, oh, oh, my God, there is light.
• 32:08
  Cassandra: Yeah, oh my.
• 32:09
  Gina: God, Cassandra, I can be happy.
• 32:12
  Cassandra: Yeah, that's a blessing.
• 32:13
  Cassandra: Oh my God, I can accept.
• 32:15
  Gina: Yeah, oh no.
• 32:16
  Gina: You know, at first you want to sabotage.
• 32:18
  Gina: It's like no, I don't deserve this.
• 32:20
  Gina: No, I can Wow.
• 32:23
  Cassandra: I can.
• 32:23
  Cassandra: So AA was a blessing, yes, yes, just by being in and also confessing to yourself I'm an alcoholic and also I need help.
• 32:34
  Cassandra: And then God's like I think she's ready now, so let me enter her, enter in her and show her who I really am.
• 32:42
  Cassandra: And what a blessing that you came back into the fold.
• 32:46
  Cassandra: And then, from that point on, you started.
• 32:49
  Cassandra: You started writing.
• 32:50
  Cassandra: You started writing the book, the title of the book that I just loved Shake the Dust Off your Feet and Walk and the reason that resonated with me, as I shared in the beginning, before we even got on this podcast, when I was in relationships and they didn't work out and I was like, ok, how am I going to let go of this?
• 33:10
  Cassandra: What am I going to do?
• 33:11
  Cassandra: And I felt the spirit tell me that just shake the dust off your feet and move on.
• 33:17
  Cassandra: And that thing right there resonated with me so much and that helped me shake the dust and move on.
• 33:25
  Cassandra: So what is your story and why did you select that title?
• 33:28
  Cassandra: So what is your story and why did you?
• 33:29
  Gina: select that title.
• 33:29
  Gina: Well, when I left the convent, my spiritual director as I had to give up everything, which was another hard thing, like I had to give up my habit, I had to give up my identity as a sister I mean, I was there for 12 years and so he had said this one day where I handed everything in.
• 33:45
  Gina: He says prior to that he says just meditate on that scripture, shake the dust off your feet and walk, because that's what Jesus had sent his disciples.
• 33:55
  Gina: If they don't like you, shake the dust off, you know, just move on.
• 33:59
  Gina: And so, and it just happened, an opportunity when I did, you know, take off my habit, put on a prayer risk, or whatever I was on.
• 34:07
  Gina: I was on the floor where the chapel is, in the convent, where I was saying my goodbyes.
• 34:11
  Gina: Nobody was there.
• 34:12
  Gina: I go into the chapel, I shake the dust and I said this is for you, jesus.
• 34:17
  Gina: And that's where I walked.
• 34:18
  Gina: And then, and then, you know, as I, like you said, I started writing, I wrote, I started writing this when Danny died.
• 34:25
  Gina: It was all pain.
• 34:27
  Gina: And when I wrote out Danny's pain in my situation with Danny.
• 34:30
  Gina: With that happening, the sister's pain came up.
• 34:33
  Gina: I held so much and the things that happened and everything like.
• 34:36
  Gina: And then it's like how can this be, god, how can this be?
• 34:39
  Gina: I put away 180 pages about 11 years ago aside and I continue my journey.
• 34:47
  Gina: I held on to those pages and then, maybe last two years, a friend of mine was a writer.
• 34:52
  Gina: Because I'm not a real writer, I never thought I would write a book.
• 34:55
  Gina: People said I should, but I'm like I failed English.
• 34:58
  Gina: How could I write?
• 34:59
  Gina: And so, but a friend of mine helped me put it together.
• 35:03
  Gina: She read it, she goes now start writing, now Start what happened in these last 10 years?
• 35:08
  Gina: And again, and it was.
• 35:10
  Gina: You know, it started with pain, but it ended up in recovery, with peace, joyous and happy and free.
• 35:17
  Gina: So, yes, I, I did write my story.
• 35:19
  Gina: I've shaked the dust off your feet and walk right it's a it's available on amazon.
• 35:24
  Gina: It's.
• 35:24
  Gina: I just published it this this past august and thank you, so I'm a first-time new-time author.
• 35:32
  Gina: This is very new to me, yeah.
• 35:36
  Cassandra: And a bestseller, a number one bestseller, yeah.
• 35:42
  Gina: It's Amazon seller, yeah, but it's good, I take whatever I can.
• 35:47
  Gina: I'm grateful.
• 35:47
  Gina: I'm so grateful.
• 35:47
  Gina: Wow, you have every right to Absolutely.
• 35:48
  Gina: It's good, I take whatever I can.
• 35:49
  Gina: You know, I'm grateful, I am so grateful.
• 35:51
  Cassandra: Wow, you have every right to be, and I'm so glad.
• 35:54
  Cassandra: Yeah, it sounded like the book healed you somewhat.
• 35:58
  Cassandra: Yes, by laying it all out and letting go.
• 36:02
  Gina: And Cassandra, that's exactly I wrote.
• 36:07
  Gina: The book was for me.
• 36:08
  Gina: Yeah, I wrote the book for me for continual healing, healing, yes, I was healed for this continual healing.
• 36:15
  Gina: And then I also wrote for a message of hope and strength for all those who are going through any kind of pain, darkness, stuff, you know not that there is hope, trust me.
• 36:25
  Gina: Look at my story.
• 36:26
  Gina: If it could happen to me, it could happen to anyone else.
• 36:29
  Gina: You know it can.
• 36:30
  Gina: Miracles are in the air.
• 36:32
  Gina: You know so things.
• 36:33
  Gina: It's just so.
• 36:34
  Gina: Right now I'm just trying to promote my book, my encouragement.
• 36:40
  Gina: I'm also an end of life doula too where I want to talk about that.
• 36:42
  Cassandra: But let me ask you this Okay, so, okay.
• 36:46
  Cassandra: So now you're an author and I see that you are a speaker as well.
• 36:51
  Cassandra: Okay, and then you're in the life doula that I want to talk about, but what?
• 36:57
  Cassandra: So?
• 36:57
  Cassandra: Those are the.
• 36:58
  Cassandra: Are you bartending?
• 36:59
  Cassandra: No, Okay, All right.
• 37:02
  Cassandra: So so what are you doing now and what do you speak about?
• 37:08
  Cassandra: What's your title of your message?
• 37:11
  Gina: Well, it's a message of strength and hope.
• 37:13
  Gina: I'm trying to promote myself and putting myself out there.
• 37:20
  Gina: I spoke a lot when I was a sister, so speaking in front of people it doesn't bother me.
• 37:26
  Gina: So now I'm trying to find churches or places that would want an inspiration speech to say, hey, don't give up, look at my story, you know, if you're in darkness as you know grief I was in so much grief Grief is my best friend.
• 37:40
  Gina: Hey, you know, I know how.
• 37:41
  Gina: You know this is how I did through grief.
• 37:43
  Gina: Not to say it's your story, but maybe my story could comfort or just to exist, keep existing, keep existing until there's that brightness.
• 37:53
  Gina: And at the same time I am certified as an end-of-life doula.
• 37:57
  Gina: So when people do it wrong.
• 37:59
  Cassandra: So did your grief help you get into that, parlayed into the end-of-life doula.
• 38:05
  Gina: No, the end-of-life doula came when I was a nun, really.
• 38:08
  Cassandra: And I didn't realize that I was an end-of-life.
• 38:10
  Gina: I never heard of end life, doula until two years ago, because the desire of my heart that grew as a nun was to be with people dying.
• 38:19
  Gina: Because, if remember, when I was with my mom, when she was dying, I had no faith, no hope, no love, no God, and to me I experienced hell.
• 38:29
  Gina: That's hell to me on earth.
• 38:30
  Gina: Fast forward, become a nun, knowing that there's a heaven, knowing that there.
• 38:32
  Gina: Forward, become a nun, knowing that there's a heaven, knowing that there is a god, knowing that there's peace.
• 38:36
  Gina: It's like aha.
• 38:38
  Gina: So when people are dying, you know it's like a joy to help them, to say you're going to a better place, or peace, or whatever it may be, because everyone has their different faiths, different beliefs, but I know where they're going in my heart, and so that seed like for some.
• 38:54
  Gina: I don't want to say for some reason, but God had always put me at many places, when I was a nun, where people were dying or people had died in front of me, people I did not know.
• 39:04
  Gina: There was a joke, not a joke, but people said don't call sister death, don't call sister death on me, and so then, you know, after the nunnery, after leaving, you know I did not think, yeah, I didn't mind being with a dying and once again God would put me in places that friends, mothers, whatever I happen to be there, whatever, or pray with them, whatever at the hospital volunteer, you know.
• 39:27
  Gina: But I never thought of it until like about maybe three years ago.
• 39:30
  Gina: A friend of mine knows that that was a passion says oh no, can you don't?
• 39:34
  Gina: You know you could be certified as an end of life doula.
• 39:37
  Gina: I said wow.
• 39:38
  Cassandra: I said you need to get to do the service and get paid for it.
• 39:44
  Gina: I said I would have been rich by now, because I have been with so many, and so I did get certified.
• 39:49
  Gina: I try to promote myself, put my service out there, uh, and helping, whether it's the patient, and, in that, helping with grief, because I know I mean, I've been there you really can't say anything about grief.
• 40:00
  Gina: When somebody's grieving, you got to let them be and hold their hands, love them or or whatever it may be, you know, just to be a comfort to them.
• 40:08
  Gina: And so, yes, death and dying does not scare me, I enjoy it.
• 40:16
  Cassandra: I don't tell many people because it'd be like oh my God, you know Right, but I yeah.
• 40:19
  Cassandra: What was the most, as you can think about the most impactful individual transitioning, that anything happened that for you was impactful, not only for the person transitioning but maybe for their family.
• 40:41
  Gina: I would have to say it was my uncle.
• 40:44
  Cassandra: Okay.
• 40:45
  Gina: It was my uncle.
• 40:46
  Gina: It was a very impactful conversation with him.
• 40:50
  Cassandra: As he was transitioning.
• 40:52
  Gina: Yeah, yes, the family did not want me to talk to him about it, but when we were by ourselves like he would say to me how long has it been with your mom?
• 41:04
  Gina: You know, because he knew my mom.
• 41:05
  Gina: And I said, oh, you're going to see me.
• 41:07
  Gina: And I said at that time it was about 10 years.
• 41:09
  Gina: And he said and then he said to me he says I'm going to see her soon.
• 41:14
  Gina: I said, yes, uncle, you're going to see her soon.
• 41:19
  Gina: Please give her a big hug from me.
• 41:20
  Gina: And then also, when I went to visit him the last moment, it happened to be my birthday the next day and it was the hospital I was born in.
• 41:28
  Gina: So I said to him, I said, you know, uncle Jim, the best gift you could give me if you want to die on my birthday so that we share that, you'd be birthed into eternal life.
• 41:37
  Gina: And it was the place.
• 41:39
  Cassandra: I was born.
• 41:40
  Gina: And sure enough, he took my word and he died the next morning with his son, my cousin's hands and I happened to get there right afterwards, so I was able to pray with him Granted you know his body was still warm, but it was to me, that was a gift and I was the most you know helping someone you know.
• 42:00
  Cassandra: Transition from this life to the next yeah, yeah, wow, definitely you have some some kind of story story, I tell you.
• 42:12
  Cassandra: I want you to inspire my listeners, which you have to confront their struggles with grace and resilience and so that they can emerge on the other side.
• 42:25
  Cassandra: I mean, you've, and many of us have, been through so much, and God didn't say life was going to be easy.
• 42:33
  Cassandra: By no means.
• 42:34
  Cassandra: So we know that.
• 42:35
  Cassandra: So my thing is getting through it.
• 42:38
  Cassandra: Like you said, do not give up because you were at a point in your life you really wanted to give up.
• 42:43
  Cassandra: You know, like yeah, um, to somebody and I'm we didn't talk about our ages or anything, but what would you tell and perhaps this can be part of the confronting the listeners that are struggling what would you tell somebody that's, I would say, 40 years old, looking back over your life?
• 43:15
  Cassandra: What would you tell somebody that's in their 40s, going to their 50s?
• 43:20
  Gina: Wow, the fabulous 40s.
• 43:21
  Gina: Well, I would tell all the listeners that are listening now if you're struggling, yes, our theme is do not give up, but also to remember you're not alone.
• 43:32
  Gina: Our theme is do not give up, but also to remember you're not alone.
• 43:35
  Gina: You are not alone because there are so many people like you, like me has gone through it, whether you know it or not, and the best thing that what I did was, honestly, I cried all the time, I shared all the time, I told strangers about what was going on and just just just pushing forward.
• 43:54
  Gina: And there's there's no right way and there's no wrong way, that there is a power within us.
• 44:02
  Gina: You know, my power is God.
• 44:03
  Gina: I call God, but some of the listeners may.
• 44:05
  Gina: Whatever power is in you, that's not you.
• 44:08
  Gina: It could be, it could be whatever you want it to be, but it's not you.
• 44:13
  Gina: And just know that there is something in you.
• 44:16
  Gina: There's that light in you, there's that hope in you that wants to sprout out, and it will if you just keep reaching out.
• 44:23
  Gina: If you need to go to different resources, to talk to someone.
• 44:29
  Gina: Listen to the podcast over and over and over again.
• 44:32
  Gina: Listen to it over and over again.
• 44:33
  Gina: You know, read our stories, I know you're something like that to say, aha, this is going to get me through today because all we have is today.
• 44:43
  Cassandra: That's right.
• 44:43
  Gina: We have is today, so yeah, I do.
• 44:46
  Gina: And for those in their 40s, really there is life, is life, there's life after 40s, you know, and in so many ways, and people struggle, whether it's through marriage or a loss or or whatever, or not knowing what they want to do.
• 44:59
  Gina: Look at me, I mean, I still never had a profession in my life, you know, I never got a nine-to-five job yeah, I never did.
• 45:06
  Gina: But here I am, standing within myself that I finally became comfortable with Gina, you know I came comfortable.
• 45:14
  Gina: In my own skin, one would say, you know, and prior to that I was never comfortable.
• 45:19
  Gina: And honestly, if it could happen to me, it can happen to anyone, because there was.
• 45:26
  Gina: I keep stressing this, because there was a time that I did not think I would ever be here today, Did not I really it was, would ever be here?
• 45:34
  Gina: today Did not, it was in the moment of my mind, grace.
• 45:37
  Gina: Okay, people are going to suffer.
• 45:39
  Gina: Give it to Gina, I'll do it.
• 45:40
  Gina: I'll suffer.
• 45:42
  Gina: I'll take that one on you.
• 45:43
  Gina: I'll take that one on you and not to say that suffering goes away once you're in the light.
• 45:47
  Gina: It's just now.
• 45:48
  Gina: You know you deal with life on life's terms.
• 45:51
  Gina: However, your tools are, whatever you are, whether it's a prayer, whether it's listening to Cassandra's podcast, whether it's, you know, going to church or going outside, and breathing the fresh air there is something, something that's greater and better than us.
• 46:06
  Gina: That and then we deserve it and it's worth it.
• 46:09
  Cassandra: Yeah, you definitely.
• 46:11
  Cassandra: And, like you said, if you endure if I endured, we say anybody can do it and it's not a cliche, and I love that we are not.
• 46:21
  Cassandra: You are not alone, because what you're going through, somebody else is going through it.
• 46:27
  Cassandra: I thought worse, you know.
• 46:30
  Cassandra: So, gina, I just want to thank you so much for your time, your transparency, just shedding what you have been through that doesn't mean that's who you are.
• 46:43
  Cassandra: That's just what you've been through and I appreciate you being a blessing to my listeners and I will also share, like you indicated, your listeners get the support you need.
• 46:56
  Cassandra: It is out there and, like you said, you can listen to.
• 47:00
  Cassandra: Do not give up podcasts over and over and over again, as much as you need it, because as long as you are here, god has something for you to do and if you're not sure, ask him, and if you open, he will reveal it to you.
• 47:19
  Cassandra: That I know for a fact.
• 47:21
  Cassandra: So, gina, I just want to thank you again.
• 47:26
  Cassandra: I'm grateful for the individuals that influenced you on this journey, because I know that we cannot do this thing by ourselves, and I thank you for all the work you're doing and the speaking, and I encourage the listeners to get that book.
• 47:44
  Cassandra: Shake the Dust Off your Feet, gina.
• 47:48
  Cassandra: How my listeners get in touch with you.
• 47:53
  Gina: Yes, I do have a website called GinaEconcom.
• 47:58
  Cassandra: Okay.
• 47:59
  Gina: And my book is available on Amazon.
• 48:00
  Gina: But if you go on my website, there is a link to the Amazon.
• 48:05
  Gina: So, that's where I am right now Okay, promoting my book and things like that and also one thing I want to share with your listeners.
• 48:15
  Gina: If nobody told you that they love you, today we do, cassandra and Gina loves you.
• 48:21
  Gina: Yes, yes, I aspire to say that.
• 48:24
  Cassandra: Yeah, thank you so much.
• 48:26
  Cassandra: Yes, indeed, we love you and again, my listeners, as I always say.
• 48:31
  Cassandra: Bye for now, and you know that my podcast goes live every Wednesday at 1 pm and if you miss it, it's on all podcast platforms.
• 48:44
  Cassandra: Gina, thanks again, it was my pleasure.
• 48:47
  Cassandra: Thanks for being on my show and bye for now my listeners.
• 48:51
  Cassandra: God bless, thank you.