Latest / The Scene Projects / Fyre Wyte on Manifesting Truth, Emotional Resilience, and New Music

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Fyre Wyte on Manifesting Truth, Emotional Resilience, and New Music · The Scene Projects

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  This program is part of the Scene Projects podcast network.
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  Scene Project features interviews with independent musicians, comedians, and artists
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  from across the Midwest.
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  Become part of our community and support local art wherever you are.
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  Welcome in to another exciting episode of the scene.
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  I am your host, Bubba Starts.
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  And tonight, it's love noise like we do every Wednesday at nine ish PM.
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  A guy's gotta eat, and, technical difficulties always abound.
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  But every week, we bring you a new artist.
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  We bring them on.
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  We, we talk about their music.
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  We have a couple of songs of theirs dialed up to listen to, and, it's a great time.
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  We've had a blast doing this for the last, oh, month or so, and tonight is gonna be a real
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  special episode as we bring in Fire White.
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  But first, I gotta bring in my man, Willie.
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  What's happening, brother?
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  Not much.
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  Just, you know, relaxing after a hard day at work, working on the house.
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  Yeah.
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  Well and we're gonna
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  talk a lot more about that house when we, when we get together on, some episodes of our shows
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  as well.
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  I just realized I misspelled her name in our description.
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  Sorry, Fire.
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  But without any further ado, let's get the star of the show in here.
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  Welcome to the show, Fire White.
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  What is up?
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  What's up, guys?
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  Happy to be here.
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  Yep.
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  I, I should've asked you how to spell your name before I was typing in there.
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  I screwed it up, but that's alright.
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  I can edit it in
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  Who can give who shit now?
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  No.
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  I was good.
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  I've heard
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  a lot of things.
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  I've heard a lot of different things.
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  So sometimes they say my actual name, and I'm like, no.
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  No.
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  No.
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  No.
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  Who's that?
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  Yeah.
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  Hey.
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  That's okay.
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  People try to call me by my real name.
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  I don't even pay them no attention, ma'am.
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  My name is Bubba.
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  That's how I introduce myself to everyone.
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  I don't wanna hear nothing else.
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  And, yeah, people who I feel like it's disrespectful, right, a little bit.
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  Like, you introduce yourself as as a name, and they're like, oh, but what's your real name?
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  What do you think I told you?
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  A fake name?
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  Like, I told you what I wanna be called by.
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  It's very simple.
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  I wouldn't yeah.
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  I don't know.
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  It's get me off on a tangent right away, Fire.
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  You know, it's funny because my mom thinks that my name looks like Free Whitey when she first
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  seen it because of how I spell it.
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  And, honestly, I didn't see it before and, like, truly But with the h with the h right
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  now, like, I see it now.
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  I could see it.
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  That's funny.
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  Anyway, you've officially helped me to see free Whiting Aldi.
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  It's alright.
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  We got we can free Willie tonight.
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  There you go.
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  Take everyone back to our childhoods.
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  No.
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  Dude, I don't wanna get started on the free will.
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  We're not
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  even gonna go there tonight.
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  That's my woman's whole little gimmick right now.
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  Nope.
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  Nope.
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  Keeping that in secret right now.
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  Don't hate.
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  Don't hate.
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  Okay?
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  Don't hate.
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  Oh, fire.
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  I I got a chance to meet you down at Vibe Fest and to see you perform live and really fell in
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  love with the vibe, man.
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  I it was so electric and brought so much to that live performance, but I have yet to listen
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  any of your recorded music.
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  I don't do a lot of homework for this show because I want my reaction to be the first the
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  first listen.
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  Right?
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  So I'm really looking forward to hearing some of your songs tonight.
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  And I know that you, you know, you played the tracks before, but it's always different.
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  Right?
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  I feel like there's always something extra in a live performance.
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  So I'm hoping that that comes through in the tracks that we're gonna be listening to
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  tonight.
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  I I'm excited for what I picked because I did, like it's, like, three totally different
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  things.
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  I have, like, one from my EP that is released, one that will be releasing.
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  I'm actually debuting it on this and on KOPN on October 4.
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  And and then I have one that is on the upcoming album that's unreleased.
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  So you're gonna be hearing three, and they're from three different, like, I don't know,
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  periods, I guess.
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  Yeah.
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  Phases of Fire White.
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  Yeah.
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  Yeah.
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  Exactly.
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  It's like the album I'm working on is like it's it's like it's it's new to people, but it's not
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  new to me.
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  So it's funny because the single I'm releasing even before the album is actually written more
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  currently than the album.
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  So it's kind of funny how things work out when you're wearing all the hats and taking all the
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  time to really, like, put it together.
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  It's like I don't know.
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  It it's just interesting, the whole process.
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  I'm just trying to stay focused and keep pushing and yeah.
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  I'm just I'm excited to be making moves.
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  Well, I know from listening and I know from listening to your episode with Willie on Soul
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  Impact, that I mean, you've really been writing music for a lot longer than you've necessarily
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  been recording it and performing it.
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  Right?
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  It seems to me like you've been a writer for a long time and all of these ideas you've had,
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  but necessarily maybe didn't have the ability to produce them like you wanted to and and to
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  bring them to fruition.
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  So, yeah, I'm happy that people are starting to use this show as a chance to bring unreleased
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  music, and new stuff to the table and kinda debut it here.
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  I think that's that's really cool.
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  Yeah.
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  No.
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  It definitely took me a long time to to come out.
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  It was more like, you know, until I believed in myself, like I said, on Willie's podcast, it
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  was just it was a lot of, like, internal struggle, and I would just go out and that was,
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  like, my release, my therapy, you know, just but I'd have to be by myself.
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  Like, I couldn't have any ears, you know.
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  It was very, like, in secret.
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  But, yeah, I've been writing since, forever.
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  Just forever.
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  Getting old now, mate.
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  I feel that I'll be 40 next May.
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  And, it doesn't feel like that long, but then I think about, you know, I've had I've pretty
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  much been on stage since I learned how to play three chords on a guitar.
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  Right?
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  So, like,
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  I have twenty five years invested in this industry now, and, I should feel like an OG at
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  that.
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  That's a quarter of a century I've been doing the same thing and at various degrees of, like,
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  investment.
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  Right?
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  There was a period of time in my mid twenties where this was all I did, and then there was
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  phases where I wasn't doing music at all.
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  And and now we're back in.
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  And not only are we in our own music, and you talked about at the top of the you know, just a
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  minute ago about, like, having old songs.
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  Like, they're old to you, but they're gonna be new to everyone else.
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  Right.
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  And I have a couple of those that I'm working on a new record myself, and it's it's like the
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  song's twenty years old.
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  Right?
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  Like, getting heard by people on record and performed for the first time, and it's been
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  played at some live shows over the years, but it's never been pressed onto something and
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  delivered to to the listeners en masse.
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  And and I think it's really cool that we're gonna get a chance to kind of hear some of that
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  whether we hear them tonight or we hear them when the when the album comes out.
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  Just I think it's cool to see people that are along the same path as me.
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  Right?
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  Yeah.
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  They say, like, get it out.
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  People need it.
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  People need your music.
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  So it's like the more I hear things like that, the more I'm like, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp,
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  chirp.
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  You better get it going.
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  Get it out there.
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  Like, one two three.
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  One two three.
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  You know?
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  So Well
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  and no doubt.
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  And it's easy to see and really, you know, you guys got so deep on Willie's show, and that's
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  why he's such a great host.
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  He asked some really great questions.
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  But you're a deeply introspective person.
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  Right?
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  So I know that that's gonna come out inside of the lyrics and and the way that you deliver
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  your music.
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  And I didn't necessarily get a chance to, like, go hard on your lyrics while we're at Vibe
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  Fest.
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  Right?
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  I just sat there, and I'm seeing you perform and feeling the beats and watching the energy
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  and not really getting to listen necessarily to the words that you're saying.
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  Yeah.
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  Right?
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  So that's
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  And the words to me
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  are, like, the most important part.
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  Right.
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  So,
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  you know, it's like, yes.
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  Yes.
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  There's the energy and the soul of it is definitely, like, super present.
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  You feel that, you see that, you know, but to really let the lyrics land once you're like,
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  okay, I'm ready to really listen.
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  I I mean, I'm excited for for you guys to hear for the world, you know, really to to get on
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  that because it is like I call it mental music, know.
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  So if you're understanding the lyrics then you're relating that much more.
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  I mean, because they don't get to see the live performance so they gotta hear the lyrics
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  because it is like the live is very different, you know.
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  You don't necessarily need the exact words to be like, oh, you know.
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  So
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  Totally.
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  I'm gonna let you go ahead and introduce, in the order that you kinda wanna do them, and and
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  Willie will kinda work behind the scenes and and produce it out for us.
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  Introduce us to what the first song is gonna be.
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  I think we should start with Through the Eyes of Fear.
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  It's on my upcoming album, In the Absence of Light.
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  So Before I Found My Faith.
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  And, yeah, Through the Eyes of Fear, that's that's where I was when I wrote it.
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  I was living in constant fear.
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  So
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  You're so honest.
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  Like, I love it.
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  Sick, dude.
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  Effectsy.
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  I I like effects.
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  Actually don't really like I don't like my voice.
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  I've been, like, the my biggest critic.
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  So I I just I get a little wild with the effects, but I love it.
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  You know, it's super fun and I don't really think of it as like some people be like, oh,
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  you're overusing this.
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  You're doing too much.
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  You're doing this.
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  And I'm like, well, to my ears, that sounds fun.
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  And it and, you know, it's exciting to perform that and hear that sound on stage and stuff
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  too.
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  So I can't wait to get the live vocals to be able to do more than just dry, you know, like,
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  I don't know.
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  I I should just like run my laptop, you know, go straight through FL Studio and have my
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  effects.
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  Like, my old telephone, my this, that, and whatever.
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  Well, they make a they make some cool vocal effects processors that you can bring on stage
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  with you too that that have
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  all I need I
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  need some investments.
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  I need some schooling.
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  I I, like, takes me forever to jump on wagons.
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  Like, I'm just, like, the last of everything.
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  I'll wait.
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  I'll wait.
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  I'm I'm not using cassette tapes to record anymore, though.
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  But, you know, I do got a cassette tape tattooed right here because because that's what
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  I was using out there.
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  Would sound sick on a, on tape.
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  Right?
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  And it'll get even more stretched out on the delay.
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  Hey, Renee.
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  Good to see you again.
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  As always, Renee is one of our super fans, joining us every week here.
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  The lyrics are amazing, and I love the title of your album.
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  Well, hell yeah.
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  Thank you.
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  Thank you so much.
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  She's in your neck of the woods too, Fire, so she's gonna be front row at your next show.
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  Hey, man.
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  Come and see me.
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  I'll be at Pride Fest in Columbia, on Sunday, not Saturday, but Sunday at the Artisan Court
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  Stage at 5PM.
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  So that's a local show versus captain Jack's, you know, Saturday.
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  That's, like, four hours roughly from Columbia.
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  But a beautiful space out there.
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  So yeah.
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  What what what do you wanna know about the song?
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  I I what I love about it is the honesty.
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  Right?
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  It just you're not afraid to just to just speak your heart.
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  Right?
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  And I kinda knew that coming in.
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  I almost kind of alluded to it before we got to the song, and then you, in true fashion, just
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  kinda laid it out there.
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  You know?
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  You you have no control.
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  Right?
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  And and you are just to admit that you're afraid.
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  Right?
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  Yeah.
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  It's something that a lot of people won't ever do.
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  And to put that into a song, I think, is extremely powerful.
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  I think you you conquer that fear, right, when you put it out there and you start to examine
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  it.
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  Right?
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  Pull that fear out and look at it.
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  I agree.
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  And go, well, you know, why?
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  Why is this here?
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  Well, when you're so, like, self absorbed and you just can't see past this and you're
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  everything you're seeing is a, you know, you've got all these mirrors around you from all the
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  people that you surround yourself with and you don't like what you're seeing because you're so
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  scared to see and really heal and look inside.
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  So therefore you're judging yourself based on the perception of other people and not your
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  truth.
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  And then you're you're scared, you're anxious, you're all the things and it's like, I I was
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  just in an interview today and I was like, you know, I'm just such a small thing in this
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  world.
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  Like, if you really think about our galaxy and it's like, why does everything have to be so
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  heavy?
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  You know, like, like, how can I, you know, shed my shit as we talked?
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  How can I shed my shit in a way that's like, you know, therapy for others as well as myself,
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  you know?
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  It's like, yeah, I might be in a heavy spot in my mind a lot of times or I'm working through
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  things or I'm on this like journey that's like, you know, it feels like a lot of suffering, but
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  I know like now I feel like I'm healing and I'm finally like, you know, I'm really getting to a
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  point.
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  So with my album, I'm really excited because it's a lot of heavy shit but the very last song
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  is like that lift off for what's to come.
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  You know, it's called don't put the numb to the tongue and I I'm just I'm excited because you
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  shouldn't numb yourself, you know.
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  You have to heal, you have to feel, you have to you have to let go and you have to embrace the
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  new like we are mushrooms in the making, You know?
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  Let's grow.
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  Like so
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  Well and you have to, you have to speak it.
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  I feel like, you know, there's a reason that, people that are religious, they say prayer has
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  power.
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  Right?
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  Our words have power.
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  Right?
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  Yeah.
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  For manifestation, period.
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  Well, and I and I believe that you you don't just manifest here.
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  You manifest here.
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  Right?
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  You you have to speak that into existence.
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  And even when you talk about the things that you fear or, you know, the things that make you
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  sad, like, you have to get that out.
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  One, because holding it in will and and I mean, there's proof of this everywhere now that,
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  like, it will it will manifest itself in some way.
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  It will man or or
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  in a I'm doctor has to say good things.
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  I have to say good things about myself as I'm saying bad things because I'm realizing, like,
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  I'm often, like, saying something.
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  I'm talking down to myself in some way or another, and it's like, you know, my friends,
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  people that love me will be like, hey, you're doing that thing again, you know, and it's
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  like, oh, so yeah.
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  Like, you gotta you just gotta keep, like, putting out, you know, not the projection of
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  the truth, but the actual truth, is we're all human.
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  We make mistakes.
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  We have to learn and grow.
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  You have to accept yourself exactly where you are right now because I know that, like, divine
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  timing is real.
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  This is where you're meant to be.
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  You know, I I I'm glad for my age because I'd be so ignorant if I was twenty years younger,
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  you know, ten years younger, like, grateful for the time spent on this earth, you know.
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  But, yeah, you you know, not so grateful for the weather of the skin and all the things that
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  happen as we get older because I do appreciate the finer things in life, you know, and so you
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  start to get old and you're like, I don't know.
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  We just have complexes, you know, and we're in such a vain world that's like selfie selfie
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  filter filter.
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  It's like you you have a you know, you kinda maybe have a complex.
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  Not all of this, you know
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  You're a speck of dust on a speck of dust in a great
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  long universe.
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  Stop taking yourself so seriously.
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  Right?
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  Yeah.
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  More of that.
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  More of that.
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  Willie, what'd you think, brother?
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  Well, I don't I think I try not to.
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  It gets me in trouble.
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  But
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  You're right about that.
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  I don't know.
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  I get the same feel with the recording that I do, whether it's seen or live.
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  And I I I said this during our interview.
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  I've seen her five, six.
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  So I've lost count at this point so many times that it's never the same performance.
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  You know?
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  And I'm the amount of heart she puts in every show.
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  You know?
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  And you definitely saw that or you feel that in the music.
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  So you know?
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  I appreciate you, Willie.
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  You're always too kind.
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  It's just the right amount of kind.
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  He can be mean.
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  I've seen it.
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  He's mean
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  to me.
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  He's always calling me bossy.
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  And
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  I guess you are bossy.
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  It can
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  happen.
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  Somebody somebody's gotta be the captain of the ship.
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  Right?
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  And some I
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  I was gonna say, somebody's gotta keep everybody in
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  line and check, you know, hey.
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  Alright.
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  Moving on.
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  Somebody's got much help.
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  Let me dig in.
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  Yeah.
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  Someone's down to the house.
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  The hole digger that's like, okay.
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  Where did we start?
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  Can we what was the question?
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  That's me.
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  That's all.
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  Well, that's what makes for
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  great news.
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  And
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  you you delivered.
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  Right?
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  I knew you were gonna be, like I said, introspective.
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  You were gonna dig into yourself.
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  Right?
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  You're not writing fluff pieces to get famous.
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  Right?
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  Which I feel like Right.
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  So many people that are getting
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  Don't the get me wrong, though.
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  Don't get me wrong.
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  I'm not against it.
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  And I do think that, like, I'm not I'm not doing anything in that way, like you said, but
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  do I have aspirations to do bigger and better things on a grand scale that is what you could
• 23:07
  consider that even though I think fame is ridiculous and whatever and gross?
• 23:10
  Leave me alone.
• 23:11
  Don't stalk me.
• 23:12
  You know what I mean?
• 23:13
  Like so, like, I'm not a fan of the idea of what is stereotypical fame, but, like, getting
• 23:18
  noticed and recognized in ways that's, you know, more people that actually can, like, see
• 23:23
  you for you and, like, more, like I'm learning to not give a shit what people think on, like,
• 23:29
  a way to where I don't let it affect me and what I'm gonna do.
• 23:33
  Like, I need to do what I'm gonna do because I want to, but it does get messy when you you
• 23:41
  know, that outside gratification, like, hope you like it.
• 23:45
  No.
• 23:46
  No.
• 23:46
  No.
• 23:46
  You don't, Candace.
• 23:47
  You like it.
• 23:48
  That's enough.
• 23:49
  And let it be that.
• 23:50
  And then if they do, hey.
• 23:52
  I'm glad you like it.
• 23:53
  You know.
• 23:54
  But fuck saying hope you like it.
• 23:56
  Whatever, man.
• 23:57
  Whatever.
• 23:58
  I'm I'm it's the people pleaser in me.
• 24:00
  I'm trying to rewire you guys.
• 24:02
  It's messy.
• 24:02
  It sounds you know, I wanna say the f word a lot, but I'm trying to refrain, you know,
• 24:06
  because it's it's an aggressive word to some.
• 24:09
  So, like, I'll try to use my vocabulary a little better like my mom would want.
• 24:15
  I wanna read
• 24:16
  That's people freaking too, gandits.
• 24:21
  I'm a mess, y'all.
• 24:23
  I love you.
• 24:23
  I'm a mess.
• 24:24
  All good.
• 24:25
  The mess.
• 24:25
  It's what makes your music so relatable because all of us are having the same internal dialogue
• 24:31
  with ourselves.
• 24:32
  You just express it externally, and it's freaking awesome.
• 24:36
  I wanna read you Renee's comment here because I think it's so poignant, and and it's a great
• 24:40
  Okay.
• 24:40
  A great look.
• 24:41
  And she says, looking inward is very hard to do than turning around and putting that into a
• 24:46
  song is an absolutely amazing accomplishment, and I couldn't second this more, because it is
• 24:54
  it is not something that anyone likes to do.
• 24:58
  Right?
• 24:59
  None of us like to look in the mirror and be real with ourselves.
• 25:04
  Right?
• 25:04
  We we wanna
• 25:05
  tell ourselves a different And,
• 25:09
  yeah, of course, it takes a while because, you know, you're not old enough to know better in
• 25:14
  your twenties.
• 25:15
  Right?
• 25:15
  And then your thirties Well,
• 25:17
  the grass is always greener on the other side, not where you water it.
• 25:21
  You don't have that in your twenties.
• 25:23
  And if you do
• 25:26
  Yeah.
• 25:27
  You are.
• 25:28
  Envious.
• 25:29
  Of your peace, bruh.
• 25:31
  Yeah.
• 25:31
  I would just be
• 25:32
  for what?
• 25:33
  I'd be a completely different person if I know now what I knew in my yeah.
• 25:38
  If I knew now and I could take that in my twenties, I'd be a completely different person.
• 25:45
  I I'm kind of looking in my room.
• 25:47
  You guys see my NSYNC Christmas album?
• 25:50
  I love it.
• 25:50
  My god.
• 25:51
  I love it.
• 25:52
  Should I be embarrassed?
• 25:53
  I'm not.
• 25:54
  I'm not.
• 25:55
  No.
• 25:56
  Huge NSYNC fan.
• 25:57
  Welcome back, boys.
• 25:58
  I just don't care.
• 25:59
  Hey.
• 25:59
  Hey.
• 26:00
  Hey.
• 26:00
  I actually have my desk in Timberlake in the view too.
• 26:03
  I'm impressed with myself.
• 26:04
  Look at me.
• 26:05
  I really like NSYNC's gonna come back, y'all.
• 26:08
  I'm here for it.
• 26:09
  No.
• 26:10
  Listen.
• 26:10
  I gotta tell you a
• 26:11
  funny story.
• 26:12
  I have school and nine inch nails and pussy fur, like, right next to them.
• 26:17
  So whatever.
• 26:18
  You're very well rounded individual.
• 26:21
  But with all our interview and how I talked about singing sexy back.
• 26:29
  Let's just say I did karaoke, what, two weeks ago, Bubba?
• 26:33
  I'm like
• 26:34
  I got some very spicy videos sent to me.
• 26:37
  Yeah.
• 26:38
  I picture, like, this hairy chest.
• 26:41
  No.
• 26:41
  All my clothes were on.
• 26:43
  All my clothes were on.
• 26:45
  It could've it could've been not.
• 26:46
  I don't know.
• 26:47
  But, yeah, Renee was a big NSYNC fan as well.
• 26:49
  She said she had the puppet figures.
• 26:51
  Nice.
• 26:52
  I I actually
• 26:55
  Still do.
• 26:56
  My mom my mom it's in the movie room.
• 26:59
  It's not in here.
• 26:59
  But my mom got it for me for Christmas that Justin Timberlake won, like, two or three years
• 27:06
  ago.
• 27:07
  It's, like, the coolest present I ever got probably.
• 27:10
  My adult Justin Timberlake puppeteer.
• 27:12
  Like, hello.
• 27:13
  Oh, man.
• 27:15
  My heart was so happy that Christmas.
• 27:19
  And everyone's judging me, and I love it because, like, it's like it's like, you know, I
• 27:25
  got told by my stepdad, oh, they're gay.
• 27:27
  You know, anything to make you feel like a way.
• 27:31
  One was gay.
• 27:32
  Big deal.
• 27:33
  Yeah.
• 27:33
  But still, it's like it's like there's he says that in, like, a way of, like, what so because
• 27:38
  they're gay, like, I'm not allowed to, all the energy that they bring.
• 27:42
  You know?
• 27:43
  Like Right.
• 27:44
  But, anyway, when you're, like, 11 and you had Elvis before that, it's like you're, you know,
• 27:50
  more of an idol.
• 27:51
  It's like, here comes Justin Timberlake, and it's just like, yep.
• 27:56
  He's the one.
• 27:57
  He's the one.
• 27:58
  We should not, Renee.
• 28:00
  We should not post the videos.
• 28:04
  What?
• 28:05
  Oh, the videos of you singing it?
• 28:07
  We should not.
• 28:09
  Yeah.
• 28:09
  Bubba, no.
• 28:11
  Agree.
• 28:12
  Gotta sing somewhere, Renee.
• 28:14
  They're coming.
• 28:15
  They're coming.
• 28:16
  Go for it.
• 28:17
  I don't care.
• 28:18
  No.
• 28:20
  We gotta save those cards.
• 28:21
  Valentine's cards too.
• 28:24
  I like where she's going.
• 28:25
  We But you have to show your hair and chest.
• 28:28
  You have to show the chest.
• 28:31
  Yep.
• 28:32
  Yep.
• 28:33
  It only it would only make it makes the sense.
• 28:36
  Oh.
• 28:36
  Goodness.
• 28:37
  This is devolving quickly.
• 28:39
  Okay.
• 28:40
  Well, more music, Meyer.
• 28:41
  What's the next song?
• 28:43
  What's the next song that you're gonna play for us?
• 28:47
  I Okay.
• 28:48
  So the next one on the planet.
• 28:49
  Is it's my single that I'm releasing.
• 28:54
  I believe it's coming out literally on Saturday.
• 28:56
  That's the goal.
• 28:57
  Oh.
• 28:58
  It's a compilation video.
• 29:01
  It's called drifting in and out of consciousness.
• 29:04
  And, it's it's the latest song that I wrote as well.
• 29:10
  I love it.
• 31:17
  What are you what are you gonna lose?
• 31:35
  I'm so proud of this one.
• 31:38
  You should be.
• 31:40
  Yeah.
• 31:40
  No.
• 31:41
  I this is it's because, like, the more I write, the more I find myself.
• 31:47
  And this is like it's like that.
• 31:50
  Like I said, don't put the numb to the tongue.
• 31:52
  Like, it's on to something.
• 31:53
  Something's coming.
• 31:54
  Write this.
• 31:55
  There's growth happening.
• 31:56
  And it's like, here's me dripping in and out of consciousness, you know, like like, I'm here
• 32:01
  and then I'm not.
• 32:02
  I'm here and then I'm not.
• 32:03
  Like, I want more than the shit show that has been handed to me in my life.
• 32:08
  I literally I'm I'm a perfectionist from, you know, never being enough to the outside world,
• 32:19
  you know, being different, rejected.
• 32:21
  You're just sorry, you're not like us, you know.
• 32:26
  Thank God I'm not by the way.
• 32:28
  You know, the same.
• 32:29
  Right?
• 32:29
  Thank god for everyone to be individual like you are who you are.
• 32:32
  That's, like, the most beautiful thing about all of us.
• 32:35
  And once we process that, set ourselves free, man.
• 32:38
  Set ourselves free.
• 32:39
  So, I just wanna say, you know, some lyrics from the song.
• 32:48
  So it's like, I know this time I will feel right for once in this life.
• 32:54
  For once, it's not a lie.
• 32:56
  And that, like, to me, like, it's just so profound because when you're masking for
• 33:04
  others, you're living a lie.
• 33:06
  When you're, like, fully authentically yourself and you're free and you're at peace with their
• 33:12
  rejection, their their their even if it's positive, it doesn't matter.
• 33:17
  When you're at peace with yourself, you don't, like, seek that outside gratification anymore.
• 33:21
  So you you don't have to, like, lie about, oh, you hurt me because you don't accept me.
• 33:28
  It's like, if you don't accept me or you do accept me, I'm still gonna love myself, and I'm
• 33:32
  still gonna find my wholeness, my sinner, and things.
• 33:36
  So that's if you guys care.
• 33:38
  I really don't say what songs are about just so you know.
• 33:41
  Like, I'm such a soul writer that I'm, like, just letting things come to me that I don't
• 33:46
  even know what the hell I'm gonna write.
• 33:47
  I don't know what I'm gonna say.
• 33:48
  I don't know shit sometimes.
• 33:49
  You know?
• 33:49
  You just, like, just you hear the music or you don't.
• 33:52
  You just start writing.
• 33:53
  And then next thing you know, you're like, woah.
• 33:56
  This is the thing.
• 33:57
  This is my subconscious.
• 33:59
  This is my higher awareness.
• 34:00
  This is my ancestors talking to me going, hey.
• 34:02
  Wake up.
• 34:03
  Wake the fuck up.
• 34:04
  You know?
• 34:05
  So anyway so, yeah, I really don't I don't tell what what it's about mostly because I think
• 34:13
  that I even get it misconstrued sometimes.
• 34:16
  It's like and you don't I don't want the listener to take away from what they hear and
• 34:22
  what it resonates with them.
• 34:24
  So if I just said it's black and white and this is what it's like, it's like, what does that do
• 34:30
  for the listener now that they know the truth?
• 34:31
  I don't know the truth about a lot of songs.
• 34:33
  I make up my own lyrics sometimes.
• 34:35
  I think twenty years it was this.
• 34:37
  No.
• 34:37
  It's not come to find out.
• 34:38
  Well, I liked it like that.
• 34:40
  Maybe that's okay, you know?
• 34:42
  But anyway anyway, there 's so many different types of artists in the world.
• 34:45
  I could be, like, totally triggering people, but, again, I don't give a fuck.
• 34:48
  But, learning not to give a fuck or I probably wouldn't say it.
• 34:53
  Right?
• 34:54
  Yeah.
• 34:55
  I I was born I was born with that.
• 34:57
  Right?
• 34:57
  So I but I also am a, you know, white male.
• 35:01
  I was a jock growing up.
• 35:03
  Right?
• 35:03
  I learned how to play guitar.
• 35:04
  Like, I've always kinda been I'm not gonna say that I was cool, but I always kinda was very
• 35:08
  aware of, like, who I am and who the world sees me as.
• 35:12
  So I don't deal with a lot of those, like, internal struggles.
• 35:15
  A lot
• 35:15
  of
• 35:15
  my like, a lot of things that affected me were externally was, like, family, different things,
• 35:21
  and things out of my control that maybe made people look at me a little bit differently.
• 35:26
  Or, you know, even even now, like, most people don't you know, you wouldn't assume that I've
• 35:33
  been to prison by looking at the man who's sitting in front of you, but I did two years in
• 35:36
  a prison.
• 35:37
  Right?
• 35:37
  And Yeah.
• 35:38
  I I've seen some of your podcasts and scenes and stuff.
• 35:41
  You know?
• 35:42
  And I and I
• 35:43
  was scared of like, what?
• 35:45
  Exact well, and I think a lot of people do.
• 35:47
  And then I can't do that.
• 35:49
  You know?
• 35:49
  And I didn't murder anyone.
• 35:50
  I went to jail because I sold a shitload of weed.
• 35:52
  Right?
• 35:52
  Like, okay.
• 35:53
  But still, you would never We
• 35:56
  we all did.
• 35:57
  Some of us just didn't get caught.
• 35:59
  Yeah.
• 35:59
  I was going so hard that it was I wanted to get caught.
• 36:02
  Right?
• 36:02
  Because my life sucked so bad, and I was so depressed at the time that all I was doing was
• 36:07
  finding what drugs could numb the pain and what could I do that would just take me away from
• 36:12
  the it was a good excuse to not see anyone.
• 36:15
  Right?
• 36:15
  Well, I can't leave my house because I got four pounds of weed here.
• 36:18
  You know what I mean?
• 36:19
  Right.
• 36:19
  Or whatever it was.
• 36:21
  Right?
• 36:21
  Right.
• 36:22
  Or there's $30,000 in someone else's money in my possession.
• 36:26
  Right?
• 36:26
  And, you
• 36:27
  know Highly paranoid.
• 36:29
  I didn't want to see anyone.
• 36:30
  I just I didn't want to.
• 36:32
  My life was shit.
• 36:32
  Right?
• 36:33
  I wasn't seeing my son.
• 36:34
  I wasn't doing the you know, like, it just I didn't wanna see him.
• 36:37
  So that was, like, my darkest times.
• 36:39
  And, you know, I I'm well past them now, and I've been held accountable for the actions
• 36:44
  that, you know, that I, you know, committed against society.
• 36:47
  I wasn't a very good person at the time.
• 36:49
  Regardless of the fact that it's legal now or at least medically, and I could have as much as
• 36:54
  I did then legally in my possession.
• 36:56
  Right?
• 36:57
  Like, that's all kind of regardless.
• 36:59
  I wasn't I wasn't the right person then.
• 37:02
  Right?
• 37:03
  And I think a lot what
• 37:05
  you just But
• 37:06
  But also, this comes with so
• 37:07
  many things.
• 37:08
  Easy money.
• 37:09
  Right?
• 37:10
  That easy money, what does that do for
• 37:12
  a person?
• 37:12
  It was monopoly money.
• 37:14
  What was that?
• 37:15
  It was not real.
• 37:16
  It was not real.
• 37:17
  That's what I'm saying.
• 37:18
  Like Yeah.
• 37:19
  I'm just saying, like, when stuff like that is just, like, so quick, like, you don't have a
• 37:25
  grasp on things to sustain anything.
• 37:28
  It just comes and goes.
• 37:29
  You know what I mean?
• 37:29
  It wasn't like that for you when they say, like, fast money.
• 37:32
  Like, it almost goes as quick as
• 37:33
  it comes.
• 37:35
  Had no problem blowing a thousand dollars sitting at a freaking poker table or something.
• 37:39
  Right?
• 37:39
  Like, I had no it would do there's nothing
• 37:41
  And and then the struggle
• 37:42
  time to earn that money.
• 37:44
  So what does it matter to me while my buddy's sitting next to me going, that's my rent and my
• 37:48
  car payment that you just put in.
• 37:49
  I would've taken that thousand dollars.
• 37:51
  Right?
• 37:52
  And I have no regard for that.
• 37:53
  Right?
• 37:54
  So depressed and so kind of in my own pain and trauma that I I wasn't I wasn't looking at how
• 38:02
  my actions were affecting people around me and how that was making people look at me.
• 38:06
  Right.
• 38:07
  But because I just didn't get the fuck.
• 38:09
  Right?
• 38:09
  And and, honestly, it didn't it didn't serve me well.
• 38:13
  I think I care.
• 38:14
  I don't care what people think about me, but I do care about how people remember me.
• 38:20
  And, we just had a cousin of my in laws pass away, just this week.
• 38:27
  And to see how he's been remembered, he was, you know, one of our volunteer firefighters in
• 38:32
  town and was just a really great guy to everyone.
• 38:35
  And to see to see how people remember him kind of made a difference to me where I'm like, I I
• 38:44
  I care about how I'm remembered.
• 38:46
  I care about my legacy now more than I did when I was, you know, 25 or even when I was, you
• 38:52
  know, 30.
• 38:52
  Do you know if I was think I was 30, 31 when I finally got arrested and just didn't care.
• 38:57
  I just didn't care about my
• 38:58
  own life.
• 38:59
  Be impeccable with your word.
• 39:01
  Right?
• 39:01
  Those long winded Yep.
• 39:03
  Mean what you say, like, have some self worth.
• 39:06
  And in order to have that, you actually have to say what you mean, mean what you say, walk that
• 39:11
  walk or walk that talk.
• 39:12
  Right?
• 39:13
  Well and what's funny about that period in my life is that I wasn't playing any music.
• 39:18
  Like, the the the the pain had kept me away from music as well.
• 39:23
  And and then I was finding excuses to not go out and to not write and to not play anything.
• 39:28
  Like, I probably didn't touch the guitar for a year and a half because I was just like, I
• 39:32
  don't even care.
• 39:32
  I don't wanna feel good.
• 39:33
  That's my feel good.
• 39:34
  I don't
• 39:35
  wanna feel good.
• 39:35
  Feel like shit every single day of my life.
• 39:38
  Right?
• 39:38
  I don't I don't want to feel good.
• 39:40
  So why would I touch that instrument that makes me feel good?
• 39:45
  Or, you know, when in hindsight, it may have been the thing, you know, that kind of helped
• 39:51
  me get my pain out.
• 39:53
  Right?
• 39:54
  It could have been that.
• 39:55
  And I just I denied that part of myself for, you know, several years.
• 40:01
  Depression, man.
• 40:02
  We just suppress anything good that can come out, like, you know, it's terrible.
• 40:09
  Yeah.
• 40:09
  Well, and you just you're like you get to a point where you don't want to feel good.
• 40:14
  Like, no matter how good I feel in a moment, whether it's, you know, a a a high or a night
• 40:19
  out or it's, you know Yeah.
• 40:21
  You know, a one night stand or whatever.
• 40:23
  Right?
• 40:23
  Like
• 40:24
  Well, when your when your mind is negative
• 40:26
  Yeah.
• 40:27
  When your mind's already negative, it's like you're waiting just for that moment.
• 40:31
  You know what I mean?
• 40:32
  Like, it's gonna happen no matter what.
• 40:33
  Like, you can be good for a little bit, but you know, like, it's kinda like for me for a long
• 40:38
  time at the end of the night.
• 40:39
  It's like right before I go to bed.
• 40:41
  Like, for some reason, that's when I have these, like, moments that are just, like, the
• 40:47
  irritability, the, like, I've gone to bed upset with my partner, like, for years, you know,
• 40:53
  like, that's, like, that moment that's just, like, I don't know why I create a problem right
• 40:59
  before I go to bed.
• 41:00
  But, yeah, I guess everything just kinda but if you're not if you're not in any way like
• 41:06
  seeking inward and you're just like expecting some gratification from outside or you're
• 41:11
  waiting for something or whatever, like, then it's I mean, of course, your life is gonna play
• 41:16
  out like it is until you're ready to rewire, you know, and, like, actually deal with your
• 41:22
  shit.
• 41:23
  Yeah.
• 41:23
  So you're saying this, like, a 100%, man.
• 41:26
  Like, I've I've I've been there.
• 41:28
  I still struggle.
• 41:30
  Like, every day is, even though you have tools, new tools, it's, there's moments that's just,
• 41:37
  you know, can wash over you and make you feel all those feelings, you know.
• 41:42
  So it's like I I and then I have to like reset and cleanse myself and be like, okay, you're
• 41:48
  not all the things that's happened to you, you know, like don't like, you know, you don't have
• 41:54
  to wear your scars.
• 41:55
  You know?
• 41:56
  Like, you can let it go.
• 41:57
  Like, just, like, let it go.
• 41:59
  Like, accept it.
• 42:00
  You know?
• 42:00
  See the truth in it, not the emotion.
• 42:02
  That's what that's what the therapy says.
• 42:05
  Right?
• 42:05
  Like, call it for what it is.
• 42:07
  Look at the thing.
• 42:08
  Like, and I'm just like, it feels no.
• 42:11
  No.
• 42:15
  Willie Fucking for
• 42:16
  a long time.
• 42:17
  You let me and fire go.
• 42:19
  We'll just talk each other's ears off all night.
• 42:21
  No.
• 42:21
  Y'all y'all couldn't be more accurate.
• 42:24
  I mean, coming from the journey I've had, that looking inward and just you know?
• 42:33
  And I'm not gonna philosophy because we all know how I feel about it because I think that's
• 42:39
  why society is in the shape of zen is because from an early age, you get this pushed on you
• 42:46
  that you need to just push all them feelings down.
• 42:48
  Don't worry about it.
• 42:49
  Just keep pushing.
• 42:50
  Just keep pushing.
• 42:52
  So next thing you know, you're an angry, overweight 30 year old man.
• 43:01
  You're not overweight, Willie.
• 43:02
  You're just big boned, buddy.
• 43:04
  I was overweight about three, four years ago.
• 43:07
  I really was.
• 43:08
  I weighed over four hundred pounds.
• 43:09
  It's a big boy.
• 43:12
  So that is one of the hardest things to do is, you know, especially right there to tell into
• 43:19
  my divorce.
• 43:20
  You know?
• 43:21
  I didn't know who I was.
• 43:22
  And sometimes in your journey, you gotta start small, and you gotta figure out, you know, who
• 43:29
  you are.
• 43:30
  Just because you know when you got into a situation who you really are, who you was, life
• 43:37
  happens, and that's not not necessarily who you are now because it's under life evolves, and
• 43:44
  it's ever changing.
• 43:46
  And finding your purpose and, like, reasons to grow versus, like, the stagnants, the stale
• 43:52
  periods, the time where we're, like, so self absorbed that, you know, even if there was
• 43:58
  something positive and good, like, we can't see past ourself to, you know, to flourish.
• 44:05
  You know?
• 44:07
  What's going on here.
• 44:08
  Renee makes a great point here, but I think it extends even further than that.
• 44:12
  I think there's a lot of women who have grown up with tough dads or maybe single dads that,
• 44:18
  you have kind of instilled that philosophy in their daughters as well or or whatever has
• 44:25
  happened to to some young women that they don't want to, they don't wanna show any kind of
• 44:31
  softness, right, or or any kind of weakness because someone has taken advantage of that
• 44:37
  weakness.
• 44:37
  And I and I have a young a young friend of ours and and, you know, without getting into her
• 44:42
  story, but almost verbatim, right, where she's you know, I just had a friend pass away
• 44:48
  recently, and it's like, just gotta smiling.
• 44:50
  And I was like, look.
• 44:52
  You don't have to smile through it all.
• 44:54
  Right?
• 44:54
  Like, you don't you it's okay to not be okay.
• 44:58
  Right?
• 44:58
  And it's okay to show people that.
• 45:00
  But when you've been hurt by someone and especially people that are close to you, that
• 45:04
  every time you show them that they have a way to to twist that knife and every time they get
• 45:09
  you in that position, they grip the twist it.
• 45:13
  How are you ever gonna be comfortable sharing and opening up to people?
• 45:17
  You know?
• 45:17
  And and as much as I understood understood where she was coming from, that it's also like
• 45:24
  but you can't let that you can't let that keep you from the light.
• 45:29
  Right?
• 45:29
  You can't let that keep you from exposing those dark because that like we said earlier.
• 45:33
  Right?
• 45:34
  Like, that pain or that fear or that anger, they're going to manifest in some way.
• 45:42
  And sometimes that comes as physical illnesses, and sometimes they come with, like, crossed up
• 45:49
  the wires in our brains and you end up with weird complexes like I know me and fire have.
• 45:54
  And, like, you know
• 45:55
  Well, that's that's why you have
• 45:57
  to figure out the truth within yourself so that you can learn to communicate with, you know,
• 46:03
  people in a way that's like, I'm not having an argument.
• 46:06
  I'm having a conversation.
• 46:08
  Because, like, we can agree to disagree, and that's okay.
• 46:10
  Like, that's the problem these days is I think people don't even know how to have a
• 46:14
  conversation.
• 46:15
  Like, it's just I feel this way.
• 46:17
  I feel this way.
• 46:17
  We're blocked.
• 46:19
  Like, we we need our truth to be the hierarchy, you know, and this goes for all of us.
• 46:24
  Me too.
• 46:25
  Like, this isn't me pointing fingers.
• 46:26
  This is, like, literally us as humans, I think.
• 46:29
  And it it it'd be nice if, you know, more people can, like, have these, like,
• 46:34
  disagreements on a way that you still hold space for each other to, like, accept each
• 46:38
  other's truth.
• 46:39
  Like, even if it doesn't make sense to you, like, that's who is it our place to sit here
• 46:45
  and and hammer our truth into somebody?
• 46:48
  You know?
• 46:48
  And as a control freak over here, I've tried many times to do these things because I'm
• 46:54
  literally not seeking inward cause you sure as hell ain't seeking inward when you're telling
• 46:58
  somebody what to do.
• 46:59
  Right?
• 47:00
  Like like, oh.
• 47:02
  But, yeah.
• 47:04
  I'm I'm trying to be so much better than the woman I was yesterday.
• 47:10
  And I think Willie and I are both trying to be, you know, better men, better fathers, you know,
• 47:17
  better than our dads were to us.
• 47:19
  Right?
• 47:20
  And also not trying to become the polar opposites of those.
• 47:25
  Right?
• 47:26
  You know, Willie Willie has every excuse in the world to be too soft on our little monkey.
• 47:33
  Right?
• 47:33
  But he is still he's still, you know, maintaining a standard with her as well.
• 47:40
  And I get to see it a lot because we talk to each other every single day and, you know,
• 47:44
  we'll probably get to say goodnight to her here at some point possibly.
• 47:47
  Although you are in a different spot in the house, I noticed tonight, Willie, and our and
• 47:51
  our our regular listeners will notice as well.
• 47:55
  Maybe not being right outside your room and hearing your voice and hearing my voice will
• 47:59
  get you there.
• 48:00
  Are you reading Renee's comment?
• 48:03
  I was looking at Willie.
• 48:04
  I was looking at where he was, what was behind him.
• 48:06
  I'm right here.
• 48:07
  Oh, Renee Renee was looking at my that.
• 48:11
  Yeah.
• 48:11
  Go ahead and read it.
• 48:17
  I think I've actually you know, this is where we take accountability.
• 48:22
  Fucks to suck.
• 48:23
  I've actually been that person to my partner, more times than I can admit that for some
• 48:30
  reason, her getting upset and emotional, like, was shut down, and I I, like, need her to,
• 48:38
  like, stop being emotional.
• 48:39
  Stop having feelings because I'm triggered.
• 48:42
  You know?
• 48:43
  And so I guess seeing that makes me have to seek inward, you know, and go, oh, I need to
• 48:48
  take some accountability because I'm I'm a guilty party on that note.
• 48:54
  Yeah.
• 48:55
  Or at least I don't mean to project it that way to her, by the way, just saying I'm not, like,
• 49:00
  out to go, hey.
• 49:00
  Don't have feelings.
• 49:01
  But that's how she's taking it.
• 49:03
  And it's because when we don't deal, you know, and and learn to communicate in a way that's
• 49:08
  like, hey.
• 49:09
  You know, it's okay for you to be upset right now, but also how to learn to have a
• 49:14
  conversation to understand why and not just be triggered by your own shit.
• 49:17
  You know, because you're both like these little children that are wounded.
• 49:21
  You know?
• 49:22
  And when you have a lot of trauma, a lot of stuff, like, it comes out in your
• 49:25
  conversations.
• 49:26
  And, man, what a mess.
• 49:29
  What a mess.
• 49:30
  Yeah.
• 49:30
  And see, for me, I have to constantly search in order with that because coming from a very
• 49:36
  narcissistic relationship, she constantly played the victim.
• 49:40
  So I struggle sometimes to tell if it's legitimate or it's just someone trying to get
• 49:49
  their way?
• 49:51
  Yeah.
• 49:51
  Be because and, you know, that's where I want a big ball of mess up.
• 49:59
  I mean, because
• 50:02
  Well, you wanna trust her.
• 50:03
  You wanna believe her so when she comes at you, you know, in these ways, like, you wanna, you
• 50:09
  know, have empathy, have sympathy.
• 50:11
  Right?
• 50:13
  I tried.
• 50:13
  And and then and then you feel
• 50:15
  taken advantage of when it feels like it was just, like, for show or something?
• 50:20
  Yeah.
• 50:20
  Because, see, like, even when my ex left, she told me the day before she left, this was home.
• 50:27
  Wow.
• 50:28
  Not to bash anyone or or anything, and I'm not trying to do that.
• 50:32
  But then find out the next day that she had been cheating on me the whole time.
• 50:37
  Wow.
• 50:38
  So that's where that stemmed from is how can someone tells you one thing and this one thing
• 50:44
  I've been working on for three three years now is just the fact that when someone tells you
• 50:51
  something, do they really mean it?
• 50:53
  Or is it just them saying what do you wanna hear so they manipulate the situation?
• 50:59
  So that's where I've really gotta search inward, and I've had to learn to cut off
• 51:06
  certain people.
• 51:06
  And the more that you do that and you heal yourself, you'll attract people, and you'll
• 51:10
  also be disturbed by things that no longer make sense to you, you know, like you'll kinda I
• 51:17
  think I personally think that you start to, you know, like, I feel like I'm more accepting of
• 51:22
  my partner and her feelings now than I ever have been because I do understand, like, you
• 51:27
  can't just shut down because someone's emotional because you don't understand why or
• 51:31
  what or, you know, you disagree or whatever.
• 51:33
  Like like, literally, life is about, like, holding space for people, especially people
• 51:38
  that at the end of the day, they have your best interest at heart.
• 51:41
  They love you, you know, unconditionally, and what's a minor disagreement or something, you
• 51:46
  know, the bigger picture.
• 51:48
  But but yeah.
• 51:51
  No.
• 51:51
  Like I said, you'll attract who you're meant to attract, you know, when you're fully yourself
• 51:56
  and, you know, you have that, like, truth within yourself that it just, you know, it just
• 52:02
  got some fly.
• 52:03
  Flies.
• 52:04
  Oh my god.
• 52:05
  Do you have one too?
• 52:06
  I have one too.
• 52:07
  That's so funny.
• 52:09
  I do.
• 52:09
  I literally, like, just, like, three seconds ago, bothered me.
• 52:13
  So look at us.
• 52:14
  I did too.
• 52:15
  That's why I keep doing this with
• 52:16
  my head.
• 52:16
  Coming in distracting us.
• 52:18
  It's so great.
• 52:19
  No.
• 52:20
  On what you were saying earlier, though, on the disagreeing, it's it's too severe now where
• 52:27
  people disagree, and they're like and it's over stupid things anymore.
• 52:32
  Like, oh, you you don't like Aaron Lewis?
• 52:35
  I'm done with you.
• 52:36
  You're not we're not friends anymore.
• 52:38
  You know?
• 52:39
  But they're not they're probably not they're not doing the work within themselves.
• 52:45
  So there's so many people, like, think of our freaking technology.
• 52:48
  People are fucking ignorant these days.
• 52:50
  Let's just face it.
• 52:51
  We're all bunch Abrahamicists.
• 52:53
  Don't know
• 52:54
  how to have a conversation because they can't chat.
• 52:56
  It only
• 52:57
  talks Let's let's just keep this
• 52:59
  fucking technology in our face all the time, and let's look at all the judgment and all
• 53:05
  trash in the world that we shouldn't even honestly, there's news we shouldn't have any
• 53:09
  idea.
• 53:10
  We know way too much.
• 53:12
  The world is is not filtered at all to a point to where you can absorb all the negative
• 53:16
  information that is fucking out there.
• 53:19
  Blissful ignorance in our lives.
• 53:22
  Wasn't life a little bit
• 53:23
  sweeter back in the in
• 53:24
  the early two thousand?
• 53:26
  Back in
• 53:26
  the I
• 53:26
  was gonna say back in the nineties, man.
• 53:28
  The nineties.
• 53:30
  No Internet.
• 53:32
  I grew up in the woods, so, like, we were really late to the Internet game.
• 53:35
  Like, I didn't really be like, I wasn't connected to the Internet totally until, like,
• 53:41
  I was 25.
• 53:42
  Right?
• 53:43
  Like, to be fully connected and in it because I was pretty much just a vagabond.
• 53:47
  I mean, I graduated high school o four and then went to college for, like, a semester and was
• 53:53
  like, that doesn't work.
• 53:53
  I read Kerouacs on the road, I was like, wait a minute.
• 53:56
  You can just hitchhike around and, like, you don't have to have a job and and what?
• 54:00
  I don't even wanna be a writer, but you can just, like, go out and do that.
• 54:03
  And I had I had gotten good enough at guitar where I was like, I can get fed and I can get
• 54:07
  laid.
• 54:08
  Put me on the road.
• 54:09
  Let's go.
• 54:10
  And
• 54:12
  He's a simple man.
• 54:13
  He's a simple man.
• 54:14
  For, like, three years till I was like, do you want more out of life?
• 54:18
  And, you know, I I'm not regretting those times at all because the life experience that I
• 54:24
  gained and the people experience that I gained.
• 54:27
  I didn't realize it was gonna suit me so well twenty years down the road where nobody's had a
• 54:32
  real conversation in their lives.
• 54:33
  Right?
• 54:34
  Mhmm.
• 54:34
  And I say it all the time that podcast is how god is speaking through us or the universe or
• 54:39
  what I like.
• 54:39
  This is how we're healing ourselves.
• 54:42
  And and I've seen it firsthand from me just shedding my shit.
• 54:46
  Right?
• 54:46
  Yeah.
• 54:47
  Heal yourself.
• 54:48
  Heal the world, man.
• 54:49
  Heal yourself.
• 54:50
  Heal the world.
• 54:51
  Exactly.
• 54:52
  And and really like, you pour out of abundance once you, like, you know, you deal with your
• 54:58
  shit.
• 54:58
  You don't have to try.
• 54:59
  That's what I hear anyway.
• 55:00
  A good frontier, I I recently made a she said, you know, once, you know, once you're healed,
• 55:06
  once you have this, like, level of abundance, like, there's no trying.
• 55:09
  You just exist, and that alone is gonna save, if you will, so many people just by living in
• 55:15
  your light, living in your truth, and also having compassion, you know, for people and
• 55:21
  their struggles and stuff.
• 55:22
  And yeah.
• 55:23
  So
• 55:24
  And I think sometimes people are so quick to judge.
• 55:27
  They see someone homeless on the side of the street or whatever the situation may be.
• 55:32
  Now granted some of those aren't really homeless, and they're just doing it to make a
• 55:35
  buck.
• 55:36
  But Well, well, but there I let's let's start I almost
• 55:39
  feel too bad.
• 55:41
  Even don't even say that because it starts with the mental health.
• 55:44
  So regardless, there's something going on as to why they can't function in society, you know.
• 55:50
  So right there, like, how do how do, we as people that are functioning in society help
• 55:55
  people like that to help themselves in the best way possible instead of, yeah.
• 55:59
  Fuck that homeless person.
• 56:00
  Look at them.
• 56:00
  I ain't giving them shit.
• 56:01
  I'm over here.
• 56:02
  Like, who are you to say shit?
• 56:04
  Shut the fuck up.
• 56:05
  Why don't
• 56:05
  you sit down?
• 56:06
  You know?
• 56:06
  Right?
• 56:07
  Like
• 56:08
  Sometimes I feel like I go too far the other way and it's like, maybe he's homeless because
• 56:13
  he's an asshole and nobody likes him.
• 56:15
  Right?
• 56:15
  I mean, that that's also possible too maybe,
• 56:18
  but I'm still gonna give him a dollar.
• 56:19
  But some people even like it, y'all.
• 56:22
  Some people like it.
• 56:23
  There's so many different walks of life.
• 56:25
  It is not the same for everybody.
• 56:28
  Those those years I was a vagabond fire.
• 56:30
  I was out on the West Coast, California down, you know, around LA and, you know, back even
• 56:35
  into Oregon, which it's all overrun now.
• 56:37
  And a lot of that is mental illness.
• 56:39
  A lot of it is drug, you know, drug abuse and just needing a place to use, can't get out of
• 56:45
  addiction.
• 56:46
  But those stem from a lack of community.
• 56:49
  Those stem from a lack of feeling like people care about you.
• 56:52
  And Yeah.
• 56:53
  I feel like I think that's a lot of ways in how we are changing the world and how our world is
• 56:58
  changing, you know, here at the scene projects because we are building that.
• 57:01
  We're building that community.
• 57:02
  I've interviewed over 300 artists at this point.
• 57:05
  Nice.
• 57:05
  Right?
• 57:05
  And all these creative people from all different walks of life and different, you
• 57:10
  know, upbringings and, you know, Chase Chase Grant was on with us last week.
• 57:16
  And Chase, you know, he just lost a son, lost a baby, you know, a few months ago, and, you
• 57:24
  know, they didn't deserve that.
• 57:26
  Right?
• 57:26
  Like, these are good people.
• 57:28
  And to see how they're turning that into a positive light, and it's like, man, if they can
• 57:32
  do that and they you know?
• 57:34
  And granted, there's a lot of faith in there.
• 57:36
  There's a lot of church and a lot of community around them to to let them, you know, heal from
• 57:42
  that.
• 57:43
  But there's some people that, you know
• 57:45
  There's some people that shut down for the rest of their life when things And like that there's
• 57:50
  nothing there's nothing you can do or say because their mind is made up.
• 57:55
  Well and we lost my baby sister before she ever made it out of the hospital.
• 57:59
  And I watched it, you know, and I was a kid, so I didn't see it.
• 58:02
  But now looking back as, like, that was the moment that kinda shattered our family.
• 58:07
  Right?
• 58:07
  Because my mother was never the same.
• 58:09
  She was she was she was one woman before that up to the point that I was five, six years old,
• 58:14
  and then she was a different woman.
• 58:16
  And I don't think she ever got the chance to, like, to get over it.
• 58:20
  Right?
• 58:21
  And, you know, I just I don't know.
• 58:24
  There's some long conversations that I that I need to have with my mom before she's not with
• 58:29
  us anymore, and she's not, you know, imminently dying.
• 58:31
  In fact, she just quit smoking this year.
• 58:33
  So, hopefully, we get a a lot more time with her, and she's actually coming out here to
• 58:38
  visit me next week and to see the great kids.
• 58:40
  And so, hopefully, we get some time together to talk about, just life.
• 58:45
  Right?
• 58:45
  Because now I'm almost 40, and I've been through a lot.
• 58:49
  And, you know, my mom Yeah.
• 58:50
  Yeah.
• 58:51
  My mom was 19 when she had me.
• 58:53
  So she was 25 when she has three boys at home and just lost a daughter.
• 58:57
  Right?
• 58:58
  And, like, you know, I don't know where and their relationship or whatever was at at that
• 59:05
  point, but I was not fucking equipped for any kind of emotional trauma at 25.
• 59:11
  Right?
• 59:12
  So I have to kinda, like, take myself back now.
• 59:15
  And, yes, she was your mom, but she was a fucking kid.
• 59:18
  Right.
• 59:19
  She
• 59:19
  was a kid with three kids and now a
• 59:21
  girl's daughter.
• 59:22
  You know?
• 59:22
  And it's like, oh my god.
• 59:24
  And I've said some horrible things to my mother out of my own pain and anger from things that
• 59:29
  happened to me, and I'm an asshole.
• 59:32
  You know
• 59:33
  what I mean?
• 59:33
  Like, I just it's hard for
• 59:34
  me to not reflect on it now and be like, you're You're a lovable asshole.
• 59:38
  Yeah.
• 59:39
  Barely.
• 59:40
  Barely, Willie.
• 59:41
  But Monkey loves the
• 59:42
  hell out of you.
• 59:43
  Monkey loves the hell out of you.
• 59:45
  I don't know about it.
• 59:46
  Talking about it and sharing it and having other people come on and shed their shit.
• 59:51
  Right?
• 59:51
  Like, that's why I
• 59:52
  Yeah.
• 59:52
  Yeah.
• 59:53
  I can't imagine doing anything else with the rest of my life other than what we've been
• 59:57
  doing for the last eighteen months.
• 59:59
  And the longer we go, the the more I am, like, empowered by it.
• 1:00:06
  Right?
• 1:00:06
  And Well well, taking accountability for your actions.
• 1:00:12
  I mean, you're not really living until you do that.
• 1:00:15
  You're not facing anything.
• 1:00:17
  So it yeah.
• 1:00:19
  It's like so that's what you're doing.
• 1:00:21
  Every time you're opening those boxes, like, you're taking accountability, and you're like,
• 1:00:25
  alright.
• 1:00:25
  I'm ready to I'm ready to deal with this.
• 1:00:28
  Like, head on.
• 1:00:29
  Let's go.
• 1:00:30
  What we got going?
• 1:00:31
  Yeah.
• 1:00:32
  People don't really take the time to get to know one another anymore.
• 1:00:35
  They are too into their phones or other devices and, honestly, just fucking self absorbed with
• 1:00:40
  their own life.
• 1:00:41
  They think that they're so important that, you know, they're in their little
• 1:00:46
  That's why that's why we need we need community.
• 1:00:48
  We need community.
• 1:00:49
  We need places to feel, like, safe and places that, you know, you give back, you share, like,
• 1:00:55
  you're, you know, like, you're exchanging energy with people, you know, and and it I I
• 1:01:02
  wanna say like minded and maybe in ways there's like minded because you're all there, but at
• 1:01:07
  the same time, you can be so different.
• 1:01:11
  And as but I guess as long as you're there for, like, a common good, like, something positive,
• 1:01:15
  I mean, that's what matters.
• 1:01:17
  You can be all different walks of life.
• 1:01:19
  You know?
• 1:01:21
  Yeah.
• 1:01:21
  Especially for people like us is, like, we're both very intense, very outward people.
• 1:01:27
  And, like, I need a Willie in my life to just be like that Jupiter to my freaking whipping
• 1:01:33
  around the sun.
• 1:01:34
  Right?
• 1:01:34
  We can't all be like this.
• 1:01:38
  Good lord.
• 1:01:39
  I was all fucked.
• 1:01:40
  They're too loud and obnoxious.
• 1:01:43
  I feel worn out.
• 1:01:44
  I'm depleted.
• 1:01:45
  It's time to go.
• 1:01:46
  I'm gonna be the devil advocate on this, though, because I don't think it's all bad.
• 1:01:54
  I think it depends on how you use it because look at what we're doing.
• 1:01:58
  I mean, we're reaching so many people and getting so many different resources out to
• 1:02:05
  people.
• 1:02:05
  So I think it depends on how the revenue on which, yes, it can be bad.
• 1:02:11
  But I think in all in all, if you use properly, it can be a really good resource.
• 1:02:17
  No.
• 1:02:17
  And I think I think it will be.
• 1:02:19
  And this show is kind of a perfect encapsulation of all the things.
• 1:02:22
  Right?
• 1:02:22
  The sharing of your shit and the community and the, you know, Renee Renee might as well just
• 1:02:28
  be a cohost of the damn show now since we can't get moving with us.
• 1:02:32
  But Yeah.
• 1:02:33
  He said he's having problem.
• 1:02:35
  He text me, like, 08:20.
• 1:02:37
  He said, are we doing this thing?
• 1:02:39
  Is he?
• 1:02:40
  You yeah, dude.
• 1:02:41
  That it's what we do on Wednesdays, but it's all good, man.
• 1:02:43
  That's why we have that's why we have seven hosts, and and we're training everybody to be
• 1:02:48
  producers because we all need to be able to pick up for one another.
• 1:02:52
  And that's what this team is really all about and the community that we're building.
• 1:02:56
  It it's the same way when we branch out to our artists as well as that, we have a lot to offer
• 1:03:02
  every artist.
• 1:03:02
  It's not just come on our show.
• 1:03:03
  It's like, hey.
• 1:03:04
  We have some really cool tools in our tool bag that we can offer you as well.
• 1:03:09
  And and
• 1:03:09
  Yeah.
• 1:03:09
  Like, they make a
• 1:03:10
  little gadget for your microphone there, bud.
• 1:03:12
  Yeah.
• 1:03:13
  Wait.
• 1:03:13
  It ain't all about me?
• 1:03:14
  Wait.
• 1:03:15
  Wait.
• 1:03:15
  Wait a minute.
• 1:03:16
  Wait a minute.
• 1:03:16
  It ain't all about me?
• 1:03:18
  Yeah.
• 1:03:19
  A lot about you.
• 1:03:20
  You take up a lot of space, not just physically.
• 1:03:22
  I know.
• 1:03:23
  Alright, Spire.
• 1:03:24
  We gotta get to some more music.
• 1:03:26
  I'm loving the therapy session, man.
• 1:03:27
  I I knew this was gonna be a great episode just from listening to Soul Impact and your your
• 1:03:32
  episode with Willie, but it's been really nice just get getting to know you and really getting
• 1:03:38
  to dig into the weeds and dig that hole.
• 1:03:41
  Right?
• 1:03:42
  I'm I'm the one who's gonna jump in with you.
• 1:03:44
  And where where are we going?
• 1:03:46
  Why are we going?
• 1:03:48
  You know?
• 1:03:49
  Who really care?
• 1:03:50
  Honestly, who's really cares where we're going as long as we're together?
• 1:03:54
  Let's do this.
• 1:03:54
  No.
• 1:03:54
  Renee doesn't care.
• 1:03:55
  It's the journey.
• 1:03:56
  It's not the destination.
• 1:03:58
  Exactly.
• 1:03:59
  Come on.
• 1:04:00
  It makes me think of, the magic school bus.
• 1:04:03
  I mean, I know we all watched it.
• 1:04:05
  Come on now.
• 1:04:07
  Let's all get on the
• 1:04:08
  magic school bus.
• 1:04:09
  Bunch of eighties babies and nineties babies.
• 1:04:11
  I love the page master with Macaulay Culkin, man.
• 1:04:14
  Getting that book.
• 1:04:15
  You know?
• 1:04:15
  Like
• 1:04:18
  What's the last song that you got for us, Fire?
• 1:04:22
  Okay.
• 1:04:23
  So this last song, it's pretty much perfect to end this on, because, it's take flight.
• 1:04:33
  So get ready to take flight.
• 1:04:35
  Life's in the palm of your hands.
• 1:04:38
  Yeah.
• 1:09:50
  Yeah.
• 1:09:52
  Felt like a cleanse.
• 1:09:54
  Yeah.
• 1:09:54
  That's what I was thinking.
• 1:09:55
  I was like, dude, this is, like, literally the best sign I could have picked for the last
• 1:09:58
  time.
• 1:10:00
  Well and I feel like we heard your more of your voice.
• 1:10:04
  Right?
• 1:10:04
  We talked about the effects and a lot of those things, but I feel like this song while there
• 1:10:09
  were still some of it on there, this is the one that we heard your true voice on the clearest.
• 1:10:15
  Right?
• 1:10:16
  And, yeah, I feel like it speaks a lot to, like, where you're at right now and where,
• 1:10:23
  like, you're ready for that.
• 1:10:24
  You know?
• 1:10:24
  And even I I feel like you've grown so much just since I met you in June.
• 1:10:28
  Right?
• 1:10:28
  Like, I feel like
• 1:10:29
  I definitely have been on I've been on a healing journey.
• 1:10:33
  It it's a it's like a long time because until you're ready to face yourself and the harsh
• 1:10:40
  realities of what you have like because, you know, this mind is so messy so that's why I
• 1:10:46
  call it mental music.
• 1:10:48
  You know, the mental health that's it's coming out, all the suppressing, all the, you know,
• 1:10:53
  all the trash that I have said to myself that was lies.
• 1:10:57
  Like, it's just like, when are you when are you ready to release?
• 1:11:00
  When are you ready to let go of all that shit and go, who am I?
• 1:11:04
  Who am I beyond the noise of anything?
• 1:11:07
  And what you know, I'm ready to take flight.
• 1:11:10
  Like, that's my this is my EP, you know.
• 1:11:12
  So this is more of a fun, like, affection perception, In N Out, Take Flight, Shadows of
• 1:11:17
  the World.
• 1:11:17
  Like, they were all, you know, more of a a high energy, more of a free kind of, you know, it
• 1:11:23
  wasn't it wasn't mental music yet.
• 1:11:25
  You know, you can look at it like that, but it wasn't yet created as mental music.
• 1:11:29
  I guess I've always been in the making of it, but that is more this upcoming album.
• 1:11:35
  You know?
• 1:11:36
  That I I guess I just feel like I was still having fun in a way that wasn't so heavy yet,
• 1:11:43
  you know, when I wrote my EP.
• 1:11:47
  So, but, yeah, man.
• 1:11:49
  Get ready to take flight because life is in the palm of your hands.
• 1:11:53
  So get your head out of your ass.
• 1:11:55
  Live your best life.
• 1:11:57
  Love a lot more than you're talking about loving.
• 1:12:03
  Just do it.
• 1:12:03
  Just love, man.
• 1:12:06
  I will say Get
• 1:12:07
  out of your own way.
• 1:12:08
  Get out of your own way.
• 1:12:09
  And I will say this.
• 1:12:11
  He talks about how much you have grown since he's met you.
• 1:12:15
  I can't tell you how incredibly proud of you I am from day one of meeting you when we're both
• 1:12:22
  trying to figure out in ear monitors to where you are now.
• 1:12:27
  You have grown
• 1:12:28
  Have we figured this out yet?
• 1:12:30
  I'm not sure.
• 1:12:31
  I'm not sure, but we don't really use it.
• 1:12:34
  So but to see how far you've come, I am incredibly proud of you and see just to see the
• 1:12:41
  growth you've had as an artist.
• 1:12:45
  It's just embracing who I who I am.
• 1:12:48
  Like,
• 1:12:49
  that's
• 1:12:49
  what you're noticing.
• 1:12:50
  That's what you're noticing.
• 1:12:51
  Yeah.
• 1:12:51
  It's like, hey.
• 1:12:53
  I'm flawed, and that's okay.
• 1:12:55
  I'm awesome, and that's okay.
• 1:12:57
  All the things, and that's okay.
• 1:12:59
  It's just, like, the freedom to exist in the world and show up as yourself for other people
• 1:13:06
  so that they can feel maybe lighter lighter within themselves and all their shit.
• 1:13:11
  Like, oh, look.
• 1:13:13
  You're like human too.
• 1:13:14
  Like, look at us.
• 1:13:16
  We can be friends.
• 1:13:18
  Yeah.
• 1:13:18
  We can be messy and still be really cool.
• 1:13:20
  Like, it's okay.
• 1:13:22
  Because I am really cool.
• 1:13:23
  Okay?
• 1:13:24
  Yeah.
• 1:13:25
  And I'm you're really messy.
• 1:13:27
  Yes.
• 1:13:28
  I am.
• 1:13:28
  And so are me.
• 1:13:29
  And it's all good.
• 1:13:30
  And that's, you know, the beauty of this community that is the scene, that is what we
• 1:13:37
  continue to build, our Momos, as I call us, the Midwest Original Music Organization members.
• 1:13:45
  Just really cool.
• 1:13:46
  I am Renee is a part of the scene.
• 1:13:48
  Right?
• 1:13:49
  Her her constant input.
• 1:13:51
  And, I love how this song talks about your demons burning you down, but you can still get
• 1:13:56
  back up and fly because your life is in the palm of your hand.
• 1:13:59
  That's perfectly put.
• 1:14:03
  No, Renee.
• 1:14:04
  No.
• 1:14:04
  We did not go there.
• 1:14:05
  I'm deleting this card.
• 1:14:06
  Yeah.
• 1:14:06
  Yeah.
• 1:14:07
  Where's his ABC book?
• 1:14:08
  You forgot to bring it last time.
• 1:14:09
  When I met up with her, she didn't bring it, so that's on her.
• 1:14:13
  Yep.
• 1:14:14
  So, yeah.
• 1:14:15
  And it's tonight's guest, not tonight guest, but, that's small things.
• 1:14:21
  We're gonna keep getting better.
• 1:14:22
  It gives there's always something to improve on here.
• 1:14:25
  That's alright.
• 1:14:26
  I I spelled your name wrong in the, in the description, So I'm gonna have to change it in
• 1:14:31
  post.
• 1:14:31
  It's okay.
• 1:14:32
  Everyone knows free y t.
• 1:14:34
  Y t.
• 1:14:34
  Yeah.
• 1:14:35
  I see.
• 1:14:35
  If we would've talked about that before, I wouldn't have screwed it up.
• 1:14:40
  Likely story.
• 1:14:42
  Likely story.
• 1:14:44
  Well, fire tell everybody where they can find you online.
• 1:14:49
  I don't know if you have a website or anything started, but let everyone know where they can
• 1:14:52
  find you and more of your music.
• 1:14:54
  And we'll we'll all get out of here and get some sleep tonight, hopefully.
• 1:14:58
  I'm heavy on Facebook.
• 1:15:00
  That's, like, pretty much my main platform of, like, sharing when I'll have shows.
• 1:15:05
  And then I use Instagram and TikTok, and you can find my music on YouTube and Spotify.
• 1:15:10
  And I use DistroKid, so they kinda, you know, had put it out on a lot of platforms, some of
• 1:15:15
  which I'm probably not even sure.
• 1:15:17
  You know, I'm sure it's on Apple Music and stuff.
• 1:15:19
  I I don't necessarily use all the platforms that I'm on.
• 1:15:22
  But, yeah, I would say, you know, definitely check me out on Facebook via Facebook because
• 1:15:28
  that's gonna be, like, the number one.
• 1:15:30
  Like, this is what I'm doing, and this is what's upcoming.
• 1:15:34
  And yeah.
• 1:15:34
  So I'm I'm sure there's a lot of things I'm gonna learn from you and and what you're doing
• 1:15:41
  here, and I appreciate you having me on here, and thanks again for the the input on the vocal
• 1:15:49
  mic.
• 1:15:49
  I do appreciate that because I'm over here like, man, if only I could just get, like, duh,
• 1:15:58
  Candice.
• 1:15:59
  They make pedals for your vocals too.
• 1:16:01
  Anytime you need a little bit of advice, you are more than welcome to reach out to me.
• 1:16:05
  I'm also old and on Facebook mostly.
• 1:16:08
  I'm trying.
• 1:16:08
  I've been live on TikTok all night.
• 1:16:10
  Nobody's watching, but, like, I'm here trying to engage with younger people and show them
• 1:16:15
  what us old fogies do.
• 1:16:18
  And On a Wednesday night.
• 1:16:20
  It was hey.
• 1:16:22
  I'm up way too late.
• 1:16:23
  Right?
• 1:16:23
  You can see my eyeballs sagging.
• 1:16:24
  That's why that nice song was like a trance, like a cleanse.
• 1:16:27
  I could just sit back, and then I I started snoring a little bit.
• 1:16:30
  So I was glad my mic was muted.
• 1:16:33
  But, this was everything.
• 1:16:35
  This was everything.
• 1:16:36
  I I appreciate your time.
• 1:16:37
  Renee.
• 1:16:38
  I just wanna say real quick.
• 1:16:40
  I I'm not great at engaging in my own.
• 1:16:43
  Thank you so much for for being here with us and and all of your feedback.
• 1:16:49
  I I just I appreciate you.
• 1:16:51
  Appreciate the love.
• 1:16:52
  Love is good.
• 1:16:53
  Love is kind.
• 1:16:54
  I appreciate that.
• 1:16:56
  For sure.
• 1:16:57
  Willie, any parting shots before we let her go?
• 1:17:01
  No.
• 1:17:03
  Just as always, you know you know how much I love and respect you.
• 1:17:08
  You know, couldn't have a better friend in my corner.
• 1:17:11
  I'll see you at Spookstock You will.
• 1:17:13
  This weekend.
• 1:17:14
  You will.
• 1:17:15
  See you Saturday.
• 1:17:17
  I'll be there tomorrow.
• 1:17:19
  Yeah.
• 1:17:20
  I I won't be there till Saturday.
• 1:17:22
  At least I got an air mattress this time, and I ain't sleeping on the bed all Or
• 1:17:28
  in the driver's seat and screwing yourself
• 1:17:30
  up.
• 1:17:31
  Yeah.
• 1:17:31
  What are you talking about?
• 1:17:33
  I'm a spring about
• 1:17:34
  it for three weeks,
• 1:17:36
  dude.
• 1:17:38
  Was Fire.
• 1:17:39
  You guys have fun at Spookstock.
• 1:17:41
  Give all the Cannafam big hugs for me.
• 1:17:44
  Give Gary and Leo and their new baby girl and all the boys big hugs too.
• 1:17:50
  Absolutely love those people down there.
• 1:17:52
  I can't wait till I can get back down to captain Jack's campground.
• 1:17:56
  Always a shout out to the Canna fam and Casey and everything that she's built as well.
• 1:18:02
  Thank you for taking some time for us tonight.
• 1:18:04
  Thank you for sharing your brand new music, and thank you for being part of the scene.
• 1:18:09
  Thank you for having me, and it's great to see both of you guys.
• 1:18:12
  It's my pretty face.
• 1:18:16
  It's that goatee, I mean.
• 1:18:17
  Okay.
• 1:18:18
  I'll take it.