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Unleash Your Inner Badass & Embrace Authenticity with Tracy O'Malley · Let's Get Naked

0:00
SPEAKER_02: I'm Ann, and this is Let's Get Naked.
0:02
SPEAKER_02: The show where we expose the patterns, challenge the stories, and share the cheat codes that make life a whole lot easier.
0:10
SPEAKER_02: Everybody says they want to see women win until a woman starts winning.
0:15
SPEAKER_02: Then suddenly she's too much, too loud, too ambitious, too confident, too visible, too opinionated, too successful, too intimidating.
0:29
SPEAKER_02: Isn't it interesting how fast admiration turns into competition?
0:34
SPEAKER_02: We've spent decades talking about glass ceilings while quietly becoming the people throwing rocks at the women climbing through them.
0:43
SPEAKER_02: And here's the part that pisses me off.
0:46
SPEAKER_02: The world doesn't need women to agree on everything.
0:49
SPEAKER_02: We're not supposed to.
0:50
SPEAKER_02: We have different values, different goals, different politics, different personalities, and different paths.
0:59
SPEAKER_02: What we do need is to stop confusing another woman's success with our own failure.
1:05
SPEAKER_02: Her light doesn't dim yours.
1:08
SPEAKER_02: Her promotion didn't steal your opportunity.
1:12
SPEAKER_02: Her confidence isn't an attack on your insecurity.
1:16
SPEAKER_02: That's your work.
1:17
SPEAKER_02: The strongest women I know aren't threatened by other powerful women.
1:22
SPEAKER_02: They're curious.
1:23
SPEAKER_02: They collaborate.
1:24
SPEAKER_02: They make introductions.
1:26
SPEAKER_02: They open doors.
1:28
SPEAKER_02: They clap when someone else wins because they know success isn't a pie with only eight slices.
1:36
SPEAKER_02: So today we're talking about women power, friendship, success.
1:42
SPEAKER_02: And why some women become your biggest champions while others become your loudest critics.
1:48
SPEAKER_02: Because if we ever figure out how to stop competing with one another and start building with one another, good luck stopping us.
1:56
SPEAKER_02: Let's get naked.
1:58
SPEAKER_02: Today I'm stripping it all off with Tracy O'Malley.
2:01
SPEAKER_02: Tracy is an all-around badass and the amazing ball of energy that inspired me to coin the term energy boner.
2:08
SPEAKER_02: She gives good ones and I cannot wait to get into it.
2:11
SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the show, Tracy.
2:13
SPEAKER_02: Such an honor.
2:14
SPEAKER_01: Like I will, too, I till I die, I will stand altentives on that hill.
2:19
SPEAKER_02: As you should, as you should.
2:20
SPEAKER_02: Like it is, you know, if you don't know, Tracy was on about a year ago and um she just is.
2:26
SPEAKER_02: She's fucking energy.
2:28
SPEAKER_02: She's this radiant ball of energy that is magnetic.
2:31
SPEAKER_02: It makes people want to be in her field, want to know her, want to fucking be part of what she has going on.
2:37
SPEAKER_02: Um, and I'm just honored that you want to come back and sit on this couch and do it all over again.
2:41
SPEAKER_01: As many times as you want me on this couch.
2:44
SPEAKER_01: I love it.
2:44
SPEAKER_01: Let's get naked.
2:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, let's get naked.
2:47
SPEAKER_02: So, you know, Tracy is someone who um stands on business for just being a fucking woman.
2:53
SPEAKER_02: You know, like you are to me the epitome of uh awesome when it comes to just success and your grit and your drive, and you're not giving a fuck what other people think.
3:04
SPEAKER_02: You have a passion and a mission, and you are willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen.
3:09
SPEAKER_02: And it just feels so aligned with me and where I am, um, different directions, uh, similar similarities and also completely separate, but it's so beautiful because it's like you just don't, you don't worry about the noise.
3:22
SPEAKER_02: And I think that that's a really rare um, or maybe you do, maybe you maybe you do.
3:26
SPEAKER_02: Maybe you'll tell I'd love to hear the backside of it, right?
3:28
SPEAKER_02: But what it looks like from where I'm sitting is that you don't worry about the noise where it gets in the way of what you're doing.
3:34
SPEAKER_02: Because I think that that's that's the biggest component of it.
3:37
SPEAKER_02: Like there's always going to be noise, but it's like when you have your purpose and your mission, um, it can't get in the way of that.
3:44
SPEAKER_01: You know, it's so interesting listening to you describe that because I'm like, wow, okay.
3:51
SPEAKER_01: Like I know I'm a badass and I know, like, yes, I won't let stuff stand in my way.
3:56
SPEAKER_01: And like the old version of me that kind of embodied that would walk all over people, would emasculate the men in my life, would do things that maybe weren't in integrity because nothing was gonna stand in my way.
4:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
4:10
SPEAKER_01: You know, but hearing you describe it today, like there's a different energy about that today.
4:17
SPEAKER_01: It's a hundred percent integrity at all times.
4:19
SPEAKER_01: It's with beautiful discernment, it's with compassion and empathy and a softness that make me unfuckwithable.
4:27
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
4:28
SPEAKER_01: More than when I was flexing and intense and, you know, that energy of like, ooh, she's a badass.
4:34
SPEAKER_01: Like, don't get us wrong.
4:36
SPEAKER_01: When she says badass, like, don't think like that toxic masculine female type A who is a shitty friend, you know, talks shit to her partner, you know, like cares what her kids do for her image.
4:49
SPEAKER_01: Like, when you hear badass, I want you to think of the most nurturing, loving, protective of your spirit girl that will also cut a bitch if she has to and won't hesitate to.
5:04
SPEAKER_01: I love it.
5:04
SPEAKER_01: And will go toe-to-toe with anyone at any time to protect that part of you.
5:09
SPEAKER_01: 100%.
5:10
SPEAKER_01: So it's cool to hear you say that and also know, like, the reason I am way more badass today than I was even when my bank account was the highest is that softness that is in tandem with the unfuckwithable.
5:25
SPEAKER_02: I love that you, I love that you clarify that because I think that that's really important.
5:29
SPEAKER_02: And also, yeah, I feel like same.
5:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
5:33
SPEAKER_02: What changed for you?
5:34
SPEAKER_02: Because I remember, you know, I can't even look that and say, oh, that's when I got, you know, that's when I quit drinking, or that's when I that doesn't tie into it.
5:40
SPEAKER_02: It was it was after that fact because I still had that where I felt like I needed to prove myself, where I felt like it was definitely about me and my ego.
5:49
SPEAKER_02: And I just don't feel like I'm in that space anymore.
5:52
SPEAKER_02: Um, and for me, it's been maybe like three, four years, but it's a beautiful place to come from because it's like you can you can be the badass and also have that softer side or honor that or not come from this like bull in a china shop.
6:06
SPEAKER_02: I'm still very much a bull in a china shop, but not like, but not in the ego way where I'm like, let me get in here and have to protect that softer parts anymore.
6:13
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
6:16
SPEAKER_01: That's who we are.
6:17
SPEAKER_01: When did that change for you?
6:18
SPEAKER_01: It was 10 years ago.
6:19
SPEAKER_01: And if you haven't listened to the last time I was on, please listen to it because it kind of happened in part of that story we shared when I got really sick.
6:27
SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, because I've understood.
6:30
SPEAKER_01: We talked about being neck down dead last time.
6:32
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
6:32
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I've been sober now almost 14 years.
6:36
SPEAKER_01: And you're right, it isn't, it wasn't like, oh, I got sober and all of a sudden I'm compassionate and empathetic.
6:41
SPEAKER_01: I mean, there was an element of it, but this change happened 10 years ago.
6:46
SPEAKER_01: And it was when my body was breaking down and I couldn't outthink my way or out understand my way.
6:54
SPEAKER_01: And I had to get into my body for the first time.
6:59
SPEAKER_01: And that's when I really not only understood like that inner child part of me, but felt her.
7:06
SPEAKER_01: Like I had to feel her stuff.
7:08
SPEAKER_01: And that's really when it started happening.
7:12
SPEAKER_01: And I can do this very well with other people.
7:15
SPEAKER_01: Um, I saw like immediately, I, you know, through, you know, recovery and going through the steps and the things that go with that, and you know, taking that fearless and moral inventory and seeing all my resentments, like I could see the breakdown in every male-female race relationship I've ever had, and also like my female-female friendships and stuff.
7:39
SPEAKER_01: And it was this being neck down dead part of me, not just in my body, but allowing myself to feel the full scope of not just my human experience and also others.
7:52
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
7:53
SPEAKER_01: And it's not easy.
7:54
SPEAKER_01: It's the scariest part of this because I think a lot of us, especially our era, the Gen X men and women, you know, we walked around neck down dead because we were feral children, learning how to survive.
8:05
SPEAKER_01: Like nobody had time to for feelings.
8:08
SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
8:08
SPEAKER_02: Well, and if you did, you got your ass kicked.
8:10
SPEAKER_01: It was like you want you want something to cry about.
8:12
SPEAKER_01: I'll give you something to cry about.
8:14
SPEAKER_01: No, I'm good.
8:14
SPEAKER_01: So we had to be strategic and and very heady as fuck.
8:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
8:18
SPEAKER_01: No, you're not wrong.
8:19
SPEAKER_01: You know, and where that was what make got us through, you know, that was survival.
8:25
SPEAKER_01: That's not um optimal.
8:27
SPEAKER_01: It's not for our human experience relationally, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
8:33
SPEAKER_01: And I knew in order for me to go from here to optimal, it would require that feeling part of me, not just for other people, but my own.
8:44
SPEAKER_01: And this is a work, I mean, think about it.
8:46
SPEAKER_01: Like, I've got 54 years, you're you've got 49.
8:51
SPEAKER_01: And when you're three, four years in, I'm 10 years into this, it's like, holy shit, I'm in elementary school, but I'm committed to that part of it with the wisdom, with the experience and that badassery.
9:04
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
9:04
SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh, bitch, try me.
9:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
9:06
SPEAKER_01: Like I am protecting that part of me in a healthy way today.
9:10
SPEAKER_01: And that's why she gets on display a lot more.
9:12
SPEAKER_01: And because she's got me backing her up.
9:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
9:16
SPEAKER_01: You know, that part of me that that is part of the badassery, uh, she's so ultimately protected, but in a healthy way.
9:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
9:24
SPEAKER_01: Not behind the flex and the ego and things like that.
9:28
SPEAKER_02: It feels completely different.
9:30
SPEAKER_02: You know, being on both sides of that, it feels completely different for me.
9:33
SPEAKER_02: It was understanding that I didn't have the compassion that I knew was going to be a part of that.
9:37
SPEAKER_02: So when you're zero.
9:39
SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
9:39
SPEAKER_02: I had the same.
9:40
SPEAKER_02: So getting to that place and then also realizing in order to have compassion for other people, it had to start with having compassion for myself.
9:47
SPEAKER_02: It's the same thing.
9:48
SPEAKER_02: Like if you can't love yourself to whatever level, you're not capable of loving someone else.
9:52
SPEAKER_02: And so understanding that it's an inside job and you have to work on yourself first.
9:56
SPEAKER_02: But the beautiful part of that is when you commit to doing that, as I started having compassion for myself, as I started loving myself, it automatically happened for others.
10:05
SPEAKER_02: Like I didn't have to work on that for other people.
10:08
SPEAKER_02: It just as I loved myself more and had more compassion for myself and showed myself more grace, it just automatically happens for other people.
10:15
SPEAKER_02: And I find that fascinating.
10:16
SPEAKER_01: I will say recovery gave me the element of understanding, understanding again what compassion was and how I lacked it not just for other people, but also myself.
10:27
SPEAKER_01: That spiritual awakening 10 years ago allowed me to feel what compassion is, like at the depths of my soul, because I think a lot of people understand and um model compassion, but I don't know if a lot of people really embody what that means, because that means without like an agenda, without an expectation to an outcome.
10:55
SPEAKER_01: And you can say you're compassionate, but if you low-key, you're kind of manipulating to try and get, you know, whatever.
11:04
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so much of it is subconscious.
11:06
SPEAKER_01: It's not even like it's a intentional, like conscious manipulation.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: But I I mean I was guilty of that.
11:11
SPEAKER_01: That's why, you know, you spot it, you got it.
11:13
SPEAKER_01: Like you can call it shit out of my way because I love it.
11:15
SPEAKER_02: You spot it, you got it.
11:17
SPEAKER_01: I was the master, wrote the book.
11:19
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but it's love, it's so refreshing because I think the fact that you're willing to say, I've touched all the fucking burners, right?
11:24
SPEAKER_02: It's been my life has been messy as fuck.
11:26
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I say same.
11:27
SPEAKER_02: It's like part of part of doing what I do was making an agreement with myself of there's no like turn on the light switch, turn off the light switch.
11:35
SPEAKER_02: When I come in, this is exactly who I am.
11:37
SPEAKER_02: And I'm willing to show the messy parts of who I am and the stuff that I've done because I think that's part of my healing journey as well.
11:43
SPEAKER_02: And and and hopefully other people out there can listen and go, okay, I've done that.
11:47
SPEAKER_02: I, you know, and and then and then being able to share the other side of that, even just listening to you say, okay, I'm 10 years in and I'm maybe three or four years in, I love that so much because it's like I want to, I want to be a sponge off of you and what you've learned about the things that you have going down this road because I just want to be the best version of myself that I can for myself and for everybody else that's around me.
12:06
SPEAKER_02: But it has to be for yourself first.
12:08
SPEAKER_02: And when you talk about that, that inner child and that girl that needed to be seen and heard and held and all of the things like that's gross work and also the best.
12:18
SPEAKER_02: And it's not a box you check.
12:19
SPEAKER_02: It's like till we're dead.
12:21
SPEAKER_02: Just so you know.
12:22
SPEAKER_02: It is.
12:22
SPEAKER_02: No, it is.
12:22
SPEAKER_02: And you're right, because even this past weekend I was like, oh, and there was something that, you know, when you when you stop numbing and pushing shit down, it just comes up and it comes up at whatever times it wants to come up, and it's not your choice.
12:32
SPEAKER_02: And for me, my agreement was I'm going to stay open because I know that when I close down, that that's bad, bad shit happens.
12:39
SPEAKER_01: Is it convenient, fun, or inexpensive?
12:41
SPEAKER_01: So exactly.
12:42
SPEAKER_01: I didn't like, yep, signed up.
12:44
SPEAKER_01: Yep, exactly.
12:45
SPEAKER_01: So same an hour and a half ago.
12:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but something came up.
12:49
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
12:49
SPEAKER_01: It's like, okay, yeah, great.
12:51
SPEAKER_01: Awesome.
12:52
SPEAKER_01: I listen to awesome.
12:53
SPEAKER_01: And the cool thing about being in this Gen X era is we have enough, we have plenty of receipts to show on the other side of this this works out in our favor.
13:03
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
13:04
SPEAKER_01: And when you're in the middle of it, you can know this and it still feels like fucking hell.
13:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
13:08
SPEAKER_01: And you want to have a tantrum and you want to kick and scream and go down, go down that way.
13:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
13:14
SPEAKER_01: And also, this is the beauty of the wisdom that comes with coming from this era.
13:18
SPEAKER_01: It's like, all right, I got the receipts.
13:20
SPEAKER_01: I'm not happy about this.
13:22
SPEAKER_01: Right.
13:22
SPEAKER_01: But the more that I resist this, the longer it's gonna take.
13:25
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
13:26
SPEAKER_01: So let's fucking go.
13:27
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, for me, I'm the same.
13:28
SPEAKER_02: It's like, all right, I have the whole like buffalo thing where just be the fucking buffalo, right?
13:32
SPEAKER_02: Have you heard that?
13:32
SPEAKER_02: You know what I'm talking about?
13:33
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
13:33
SPEAKER_01: Obsessed with buffalo.
13:34
SPEAKER_02: A buffalo, right?
13:35
SPEAKER_02: So it's like anytime things get uncomfortable, anytime things feel like, fuck, I don't want to do this.
13:40
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, there's no options.
13:42
SPEAKER_02: There's no options for me because that's the all in we're we're fucking going.
13:47
SPEAKER_02: I know how good this life is, and I know that it is a lifelong journey.
13:50
SPEAKER_02: And there will continue to be shit that just continues to come up.
13:53
SPEAKER_02: Life's gonna life you in the teeth.
13:54
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it does, it just does.
13:56
SPEAKER_02: It's gonna kick you in the dick.
13:57
SPEAKER_02: It does.
13:58
SPEAKER_02: Will you talk to me about your relationship with your daughter?
14:01
SPEAKER_02: I know that, like how that anything that you're willing to share, because I know that as I've grown as a woman, I'm doing that at full volume in front of my daughters.
14:10
SPEAKER_02: And I've done a lot of damage to them when they were younger, and so I've had a lot to fight back from, which is awesome because every time that they let me take one more step with them, I'm honored.
14:20
SPEAKER_02: Uh, but I look at that and I think, what are we teaching our young girls by the things that you and I are doing?
14:24
SPEAKER_02: Because I think it's the right things.
14:26
SPEAKER_02: I think it's messy, and you have to be willing to stand naked in front of another person and just say, like, yep, this is the fucked up stuff.
14:32
SPEAKER_02: And I make amends to my girls every day.
14:34
SPEAKER_02: Um, but what does that look like for you and your daughter watching you do the things that she I'm so thankful you asked about her.
14:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
14:42
SPEAKER_01: She's the hero of this whole story, quite honestly.
14:47
SPEAKER_01: That girl saved my life.
14:50
SPEAKER_01: And I always said I wanted four boys.
14:53
SPEAKER_01: I wanted an infield, you know, because I was a tomboy.
14:56
SPEAKER_01: I I could be that masculine energy.
14:58
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, all right, God, give them to me.
15:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
15:02
SPEAKER_01: Little four boys, and sure as fuck.
15:06
SPEAKER_01: I go to my ultrasound, and this was back in 1995, six.
15:11
SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, it wasn't as advanced as it is now.
15:15
SPEAKER_01: You know, she's gonna be 30 this year, and sure as shit.
15:18
SPEAKER_01: They're like, You got a girl.
15:19
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, fuck.
15:22
SPEAKER_01: What do I do with that?
15:23
SPEAKER_01: You know, because my the modeling I had had for women were not just weak, and I I'm using that very delicately, um, but also would emotionally abandon and neglect you.
15:37
SPEAKER_01: So I didn't trust women.
15:38
SPEAKER_01: And who am I to lead the charge of this beautiful little girl when I I have no trust for it?
15:46
SPEAKER_01: And you know, you always get what you need to learn most from.
15:50
SPEAKER_01: And um, she's beautiful and she came out and like holy shit, like if Jennifer Aniston had a baby back in the day, I mean, she looked like a mini Jennifer Aniston when she was a little girl, and she looked like me too.
16:03
SPEAKER_01: And when she turned four, all of a sudden, all this rage came flooding in and it was directed right at her.
16:11
SPEAKER_01: And it scared me because she was perfect, like she was the easiest baby.
16:15
SPEAKER_01: She slept through the night day one.
16:18
SPEAKER_01: She's like a little, I mean, she's like this little hippie gypsy butterfly, very girly girl, but also like tough, tough and strong.
16:27
SPEAKER_01: And you know, she'd broke her femur at two and like literally it didn't even phase her.
16:32
SPEAKER_01: She rolled around in this body cast and like she just was this light and innocent and playful.
16:37
SPEAKER_01: And when she turned four, that pissed me off.
16:41
SPEAKER_01: Because my inner child is, who the fuck is this little bitch that gets to live this free-spirited, playful life?
16:48
SPEAKER_01: Meanwhile, I've been on the front line of this bullshit.
16:50
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, whoa, this scares me.
16:53
SPEAKER_01: Because one of two things or both were gonna happen.
16:56
SPEAKER_01: Either I was gonna try and make and morph her into a mini me, which won't work because that's not who she is, or I will project every bit of this anger and rage onto her and unfairness and injustice that I didn't get to be that.
17:14
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, it's her fault, you know, our parents, you know, the Gen X kids, like, it was way worse for me, you know.
17:20
SPEAKER_01: And I didn't want to do that to her because I would lose her.
17:23
SPEAKER_01: And then she would seek out unhealthy friendships and females.
17:27
SPEAKER_01: She would look for a man to give her the things that she was missing from my guidance and wisdom.
17:32
SPEAKER_01: And so I was 28 years old when she turned four.
17:36
SPEAKER_01: And I threw I got myself into therapy fast because I could recognize that this is not about her.
17:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
17:43
SPEAKER_01: And I don't want to lose her because I don't have a relationship with my mom.
17:47
SPEAKER_01: I don't have a relationship with the women of the lineage I come from because of a lot of this bullshit.
17:52
SPEAKER_01: They all projected onto me, they all neglected and abandoned me.
17:55
SPEAKER_01: And I don't know how to model something different, so I need to learn it.
17:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
17:59
SPEAKER_01: And that's what I did when she was four, and my son was three.
18:03
SPEAKER_01: I have Irish twins.
18:04
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, for the next 12 years, I mean, I was getting therapy, but I wasn't like who I am today.
18:13
SPEAKER_01: It was like 10 steps forward, nine back.
18:16
SPEAKER_01: You know, so there was some things that I did project onto her and some body image stuff.
18:21
SPEAKER_01: But when she turned 14 is when I got sober, and thank God.
18:27
SPEAKER_01: You know, and there were amends I had to make.
18:29
SPEAKER_01: But to see what that's evolved into, you know, she's gonna be 30 this year, she's getting married this year, to see the women we just got back from her bachelorette weekend and the 10 women that surround her are all rock fucking solid and all very diverse in cultures and personalities and um just who they are, and she loves them all and brings them all together, even though they're from different pockets of her life.
19:00
SPEAKER_01: She is my very best friend.
19:02
SPEAKER_01: She knows me better than anyone.
19:04
SPEAKER_01: She grew in my body.
19:05
SPEAKER_01: So even if I wanted to say I'm fine to her, she can, she could feel my energy before she was even Earth side.
19:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
19:12
SPEAKER_01: And she's my greatest teacher.
19:14
SPEAKER_01: She is my bestest friend in the world, and she is why I'm here today.
19:19
SPEAKER_01: She saved my life.
19:22
SPEAKER_01: I love it.
19:22
SPEAKER_01: And she is a remarkable, strong.
19:25
SPEAKER_01: She's a little, you know, she's she loves a little bit of everything.
19:28
SPEAKER_01: She's a very spicy, savage, but free-spirited little girl, older girl now.
19:35
SPEAKER_01: Um, but who I I'm her first call for everything, not because she can't handle it.
19:40
SPEAKER_01: Right.
19:41
SPEAKER_01: Because that girl's tough.
19:43
SPEAKER_01: Capricorn, also.
19:45
SPEAKER_01: Um, so she's spicy.
19:47
SPEAKER_01: But like she comes to me for wise counsel.
19:50
SPEAKER_01: I can look at her and know exactly like she's spinning out, she's gonna crash out.
19:55
SPEAKER_01: I just need to be the rock steady person that I am.
19:57
SPEAKER_01: She doesn't need advice right now.
19:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, she just needs to be held, or she just needs to vent.
20:03
SPEAKER_01: And and when she wants the wisdom, she gets that too.
20:06
SPEAKER_01: But I know the difference now.
20:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
20:08
SPEAKER_01: Um, like if I have, and my son is a whole nother story.
20:12
SPEAKER_01: He's amazing as well, but for different, completely different reasons.
20:15
SPEAKER_01: But she has taught me how to be a good friend.
20:19
SPEAKER_02: It's wild because when you when you're able to use your children as your teacher, I think a lot of people have too big of egos to allow that to happen.
20:26
SPEAKER_02: And I just triggering as fuck.
20:28
SPEAKER_02: It is triggering as fuck, but we're meant to.
20:30
SPEAKER_01: Like I truly get the children you're supposed to grow with.
20:33
SPEAKER_01: Yes, but you're gonna have that moment that I had when she was four.
20:36
SPEAKER_01: Either you're gonna project it, you're gonna try and morph her into something she's not or he.
20:41
SPEAKER_01: Um, and know that they're gonna trigger you in ways that are here to grow you and also elevate them.
20:47
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
20:48
SPEAKER_02: You know, that that whole projection is really savage that you talk about that because back in the day, not that long ago, maybe you know, however, however many years, five, six, seven, whatever years ago, um, I didn't understand projection the way that I do now.
21:00
SPEAKER_02: Uh Brittany will be 30 next month, and then Emily's 26.
21:04
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
21:04
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
21:04
SPEAKER_02: So and then we're in the same boat.
21:06
SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
21:06
SPEAKER_02: And so it's fun to watch them though.
21:08
SPEAKER_01: Um, the projection thing I didn't really understand to the level of how it can be very savage and aggressive, and it can also be very passive aggressive, too.
21:17
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
21:18
SPEAKER_02: You know, and looking at all of those things that you project onto them, it's like I didn't have that sadly epiphany when I was when they were four, you know.
21:26
SPEAKER_02: And so there's a lot of different stuff.
21:27
SPEAKER_02: And I didn't quit drinking until Britney was already an adult.
21:30
SPEAKER_02: Right.
21:30
SPEAKER_02: Uh, and Emily was almost an adult as well.
21:32
SPEAKER_02: And so it's like there was a lot of unfucking to do in that situation.
21:36
SPEAKER_02: But and it's possible.
21:37
SPEAKER_02: It is possible, right?
21:38
SPEAKER_02: Because I look at, and Britney was on the couch here with me a couple of days ago talking about different things.
21:42
SPEAKER_01: Um here's the thing I want to say on that before you go further, because for somebody who's listening, you know, I hear this all the time.
21:49
SPEAKER_01: Gosh, I wish I'd known this sooner.
21:50
SPEAKER_01: I wish I'd done this sooner.
21:51
SPEAKER_01: It's never too late.
21:53
SPEAKER_00: True.
21:53
SPEAKER_01: And I will tell you mine were 14 and 15, yours were a little bit older.
21:58
SPEAKER_01: And also I want you to know, and I've Brittany does say this to you too.
22:01
SPEAKER_01: She wouldn't trade it for anything because the level of compassion and empathy and understanding and care for other people only came because she has had the contrast of who you are as a mother.
22:11
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
22:12
SPEAKER_01: So it's never too late.
22:13
SPEAKER_02: It's never too late.
22:13
SPEAKER_02: I believe it's a good idea.
22:14
SPEAKER_02: Didn't mean to interrupt you, but I'm glad that you did because that's absolutely worth saying.
22:18
SPEAKER_02: And also all of those things happened exactly like they were supposed to.
22:21
SPEAKER_02: You know, I believe that.
22:22
SPEAKER_02: When you talk about, you know, they picked you or we picked them.
22:25
SPEAKER_02: It's like we pick who we're here.
22:26
SPEAKER_02: What are we supposed to be learning from them?
22:28
SPEAKER_02: And everything happened exactly like it was.
22:31
SPEAKER_02: Now she has a choice in what she does with.
22:32
SPEAKER_02: Of course.
22:32
SPEAKER_02: And that's and that's on her, right?
22:34
SPEAKER_02: But it's lovely because I'm raising these women who um are women.
22:37
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
22:38
SPEAKER_02: Right.
22:38
SPEAKER_02: And I love sitting on couches with them where I feel like we're in the same boat, or when they tell me, you know, like my mom brain kicks in when they call and I start giving advice right away, which I'm so fucking terrible at, and I'm working at it.
22:48
SPEAKER_02: And and my middle daughter especially would be like, Mom, I don't need your advice right now.
22:51
SPEAKER_02: I just need an ear.
22:52
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, thank you so much.
22:52
SPEAKER_02: And I don't get defensive about that.
22:54
SPEAKER_02: It's like it takes practice to know to discern that.
22:56
SPEAKER_02: It does, you know, but it's like it's so worth it because I want to raise capable women who are bad asses in their own right, whatever that looks like for them.
23:04
SPEAKER_02: You know, it doesn't have to look like the same thing for all of us.
23:07
SPEAKER_02: You know, you and you and I are very much in our masculine.
23:09
SPEAKER_02: So when we talk about being badasses, I can go into a group of a room with a group of men and make them fucking blush and just walk out giggling like a schoolgirl.
23:18
SPEAKER_02: That's fun for me because I've spent my entire career in construction.
23:21
SPEAKER_02: And so it's like, that doesn't bother me at all.
23:23
SPEAKER_02: Maybe that's not what other women want for what their badass looks like, but it takes all kinds.
23:27
SPEAKER_02: And I think you and I have our place in what our missions are and what we're doing because it's like we were talking about before we started recording.
23:33
SPEAKER_02: Gen X men are their own breed.
23:36
SPEAKER_02: They are.
23:36
SPEAKER_02: And when you're able to actually like, they are so special.
23:39
SPEAKER_02: When you're able to actually have an impact on them because you're not afraid to hold space for them, you're not afraid to see the monsters that are under their fucking beds.
23:46
SPEAKER_02: Like, I think a lot of guys come to me and they just think they're gonna say something.
23:50
SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, bro, you can't say anything to my I haven't heard.
23:53
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'll tell you some real sick fucked up shit.
23:55
SPEAKER_02: Like, I know some really sick fucked up shit, you know, and so it's like you're not gonna scare me.
24:00
SPEAKER_02: There's not a single thing that comes out of your mouth, no matter what it is, that's gonna scare me.
24:04
SPEAKER_01: And I think it's cool because like, same, you know, I work with a lot of Gen X men too, that it's it's like I'm noticing they're not having a as hard of a time talking about the fucked up shit.
24:15
SPEAKER_01: And what I'm noticing is that they're having a harder time talking about the pain and the hurt because they had to tough it up and you know, boys don't cry, and what happens in our house stays in our house, and you just gotta be tough and like like being tough is awesome, and also like being nurtured for the hurt that you feel, rightfully so, for what you did or didn't get.
24:40
SPEAKER_01: Um, I think is like the sweet spot in rising up these Gen X men who are, I mean, the Gen Xers, let's just be real, are the like most savage animal to have ever walked this earth because we have half of our life old school and we have half of our life literally in this new wave with the internet and AI.
25:00
SPEAKER_01: I mean, we know how to pick up a phone and have a conversation and like we're feral children.
25:06
SPEAKER_02: Feral is the before there was GPS tracking our shit.
25:09
SPEAKER_02: And feral is the right way to describe Gen X because it just there wasn't fucking phones or cameras.
25:14
SPEAKER_02: We went and did all the shit.
25:16
SPEAKER_02: You don't have to worry about your shit showing up on the internet on fucking Monday morning.
25:20
SPEAKER_02: It was like, it is game on let's fucking go for the almost kidnapped twice.
25:25
SPEAKER_01: Legit.
25:26
SPEAKER_01: I've been arrested for grand theft auto.
25:29
SPEAKER_01: I mean, like, exactly.
25:30
SPEAKER_01: It's like, what the fuck?
25:32
SPEAKER_01: I'm just saying.
25:33
SPEAKER_02: It's just just fun, silly shit.
25:35
SPEAKER_02: But it was just wild times.
25:37
SPEAKER_02: Things were wild.
25:38
SPEAKER_02: Now you've got kids that are scared to take the trash can to the curb in the dark, and I'm like, I know what the fuck is happening with.
25:43
SPEAKER_01: My parents tracking them as they do it.
25:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
25:45
SPEAKER_01: Like seriously.
25:46
SPEAKER_02: I know when I look at people tracking their kids, I'm like, let them be, or not, whatever.
25:49
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
25:49
SPEAKER_02: I don't give a shit.
25:50
SPEAKER_02: It's a different world today.
25:52
SPEAKER_01: It's a different world.
25:52
SPEAKER_01: But also.
25:53
SPEAKER_02: But it is fun.
25:54
SPEAKER_02: And and and being able to like tap in with Gen X Men, I think is to me, I love it.
25:58
SPEAKER_02: Because, you know, explaining to men so that they can visualize things, one of my favorite, one of my favorite tools that I use with men is, you know, in our brains as they are today as adults, we look back and we say, maybe you had an uncle that touched you when you were eight, or, you know, whatever it is that happened, and you think, I'm fine, it's fine, everything's fine.
26:16
SPEAKER_02: Great.
26:17
SPEAKER_02: Let me encourage you to do something.
26:19
SPEAKER_02: Go back and look at your son at eight years old.
26:22
SPEAKER_02: I do that too.
26:22
SPEAKER_02: Your nephew at eight years old, or someone else at eight years old to put it into perspective.
26:26
SPEAKER_02: Not that it's happening to them, but just to put yourself in, that's what your eight-year-old looked like.
26:30
SPEAKER_02: Would you be okay and just tell them it's fine, you're fine, everything's fine?
26:34
SPEAKER_02: Or would you come unfucking glued that something bad happened to that young kid?
26:38
SPEAKER_02: Where the fuck were the people at the end of the day?
26:39
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely, right?
26:40
SPEAKER_02: And so you can do that from a place of holding space for that young kid and also, right?
26:47
SPEAKER_02: You'll be fine.
26:48
SPEAKER_02: Right.
26:48
SPEAKER_02: And also then process that and let that go.
26:50
SPEAKER_02: But I think that's, you know, when I talk about invisible weight to men, I don't think they understand.
26:54
SPEAKER_02: It's like that's all the invisible weight.
26:56
SPEAKER_02: Because when people told you don't feel those emotions, we push them down.
27:00
SPEAKER_02: And if you don't fucking let them up, right, emotions just keep getting pushed down and then we numb on top of it, right?
27:05
SPEAKER_02: You know what fine means?
27:06
SPEAKER_02: What fine means?
27:08
SPEAKER_02: Tell me.
27:08
SPEAKER_01: Feelings inside not expressed.
27:10
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's true.
27:11
SPEAKER_01: And honestly, if you sweep that shit under the rug for too long, you're gonna be tripping over it.
27:15
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
27:16
SPEAKER_01: Your whole life.
27:17
SPEAKER_02: It's like programs running in the background of your phone.
27:19
SPEAKER_02: How how how good does your phone run?
27:21
SPEAKER_02: You gotta update a hundred different apps that are open in the background.
27:25
SPEAKER_02: The battery drains quick, it isn't as fast.
27:28
SPEAKER_02: That's literally what all that shit is, right?
27:29
SPEAKER_02: And so it's like push it down, numb on top of it, push it down.
27:32
SPEAKER_02: And the numbs, we just keep making more numbers.
27:34
SPEAKER_02: There's numbs everywhere.
27:35
SPEAKER_02: Right now we have gambling that you can just do straight from your phone.
27:38
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, that's dangerous as fuck.
27:39
SPEAKER_02: There's a whole fucking Thanksgiving day, you know, table full of numbs.
27:43
SPEAKER_02: Push back from the table.
27:44
SPEAKER_02: Right.
27:44
SPEAKER_02: Push back from the fucking table.
27:46
SPEAKER_01: Unlimited supply of numbs.
27:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right.
27:48
SPEAKER_02: Right.
27:49
SPEAKER_02: And so it's like, but you're not in tune with who you are as a human being and you're not tapped into life in this beautiful way.
27:54
SPEAKER_02: And so it's like when these men come and they say, I have this life on paper that looks really good, and I feel fucking empty and lonely inside.
28:03
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
28:03
SPEAKER_02: I get it.
28:06
SPEAKER_02: I got tired of watching people drag themselves through life, half dead, from exhaustion, comparison, and bullshit.
28:14
SPEAKER_02: So I built a system that flips the script.
28:16
SPEAKER_02: This book is for the ones who refuse to settle, who know deep down there's more, and who are ready to call themselves out to level up.
28:24
SPEAKER_02: If that's you, welcome.
28:26
SPEAKER_02: Let's go.
28:28
SPEAKER_02: You can get your copy of the Life Hack Playbook on Amazon or on the podcast website, let's get nakedpodcast.com.
28:39
SPEAKER_01: It was interesting because I was married very young, basically a child bride, had my babies really young, like you, and then was divorced in my mid-30s, and then didn't date much from 40 to 48.
28:52
SPEAKER_01: Like literally, I got sober at 40, and for the next seven and a half years I didn't date at all.
28:57
SPEAKER_01: And it's really, it was really interesting to start dating as a Gen X woman in this era of our life, and now been in a relationship for six and a half years with a Gen X man.
29:08
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, because when I married my husband, we were both Gen Xers, but we were also 21 years old.
29:13
SPEAKER_01: Right, exactly.
29:14
SPEAKER_01: It was a very different ball game, you know, and he had, you know, some of that trauma that you spoke of.
29:18
SPEAKER_01: And it was like, you know, so at the babysitter did that.
29:21
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
29:23
SPEAKER_01: Right.
29:23
SPEAKER_01: Like, like, hold on, like, let's talk about like where the fuck were people protecting you?
29:30
SPEAKER_01: And like, it doesn't mean that we're saying it's all their fault, but like also you deserve to be protected.
29:37
SPEAKER_01: And it's been so fun and beautiful.
29:41
SPEAKER_01: And not just being in love with a Gen X man, but working with many of them.
29:46
SPEAKER_01: Like they're all, we've all got the little girls and little boys in us that, especially as feral children, we were, we were like, what is it?
29:54
SPEAKER_01: Lady in the tramp, where all those like those animals are just like, you know, running the streets.
30:00
SPEAKER_01: Like, watch Lady in the Tramp with new eyes.
30:02
SPEAKER_01: It's like that's Gen X.
30:03
SPEAKER_01: That's Gen X, you know, just all figuring it out.
30:06
SPEAKER_01: And also like, we do need each other, but not just to be tough and fine.
30:12
SPEAKER_01: We need each other to let these little boys and girls that were running so feral, like have each other and have compassion for, yeah, we we got the shit end of the stick for a lot of things, and also that's why we're savage as fuck.
30:26
SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
30:27
SPEAKER_02: And and also, yeah, and you can be and you can be grateful for all of those things.
30:31
SPEAKER_02: You know, I I tell men when I start working with them, I'm like, um, let me introduce you to your eight-year-old.
30:35
SPEAKER_02: Because to me, that's the pre-loss of innocence.
30:38
SPEAKER_02: That's just how that POV is for me.
30:41
SPEAKER_02: Pre-loss of innocence.
30:42
SPEAKER_02: And it comes from this place of awe and wonder and curiosity.
30:47
SPEAKER_02: And it's like you can go ahead and release all of that shit that you didn't even realize was at the bottom of the pool, right?
30:52
SPEAKER_02: You know, it's like I tell people, stop numbing.
30:55
SPEAKER_02: And that shit that's at the bottom of the pool is tied to helium balloons and it will come up.
30:59
SPEAKER_02: That's the work.
31:00
SPEAKER_02: Um, and being willing to fucking dive in and do the work.
31:03
SPEAKER_01: You know, some of like my work, I, you know, I've I've had this reckoning with like, how do I even explain what it is I do and the role that I play?
31:12
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I was in meditation while I was in San Diego for my daughter's like batch weekend, and you know, it was I was like, okay, God, what is this?
31:21
SPEAKER_01: Like, and it's like you're the sacred godmother, you know.
31:24
SPEAKER_01: Like, if you think about, you know, in our era, you were assigned godparents, you know, some of us were, you know, I grew up in the whole Catholic thing.
31:33
SPEAKER_01: So we got our godparents and you know, we got shitty ones.
31:38
SPEAKER_01: I got like the two godparents.
31:39
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, why?
31:40
SPEAKER_01: Like, but like if you think about the role of like the godmother and the godfather, they're there in case the the unthinkable happens to guide, nurture, protect, be a guardian guardian, pour love and wisdom into you.
31:54
SPEAKER_01: I mean, a lot of times we were given godparents that weren't great, but like that's kind of the role I play in people's life.
32:00
SPEAKER_01: I'm like this this chosen sacred godmother that is in your life when the holy fuck moment happens.
32:06
SPEAKER_01: Um, it's not doesn't mean I'm in your life every single day.
32:09
SPEAKER_01: For some people I am, but you know, it's it's like I'm that safe place when the unthinkable is happening personally, professionally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, whatever.
32:19
SPEAKER_01: And that calm force when all hell is breaking loose.
32:25
SPEAKER_01: Um and it's like, okay, that's kind of weird, but it's it's exactly what I do.
32:30
SPEAKER_01: Like I'm that protector of the fire, I'm the protector of your heart, and I'm that savage strategist that will help you execute that you don't have to like, like you said earlier, switch the the switches on.
32:41
SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh now I'm soft girl era.
32:43
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
32:44
SPEAKER_01: Oh now I'm savage.
32:45
SPEAKER_01: Cut you, bitch.
32:46
SPEAKER_01: It's like, no, they're all here, all at the same time.
32:49
SPEAKER_01: And especially at the age that we're at, if you try wearing all these different hats, you're gonna burn out your adrenals.
32:54
SPEAKER_01: You're gonna wake up one day and be like, who the fuck am I?
32:56
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
32:57
SPEAKER_02: I think I think a lot of people wake up in that place and they don't know who the fuck they are, right?
33:00
SPEAKER_02: I think a lot of the men that I work with, they come to me and it's like, what do you want?
33:03
SPEAKER_02: And they're like, I men and women, right?
33:05
SPEAKER_02: Like I that's a the first first question of like trying to figure out who somebody is and they have no idea.
33:10
SPEAKER_01: I have a hard time answering that question because most of my life I've been responsible for other people.
33:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
33:15
SPEAKER_01: Like I don't even know how to sometimes say, like, what do I want if nobody else is involved?
33:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
33:20
SPEAKER_01: Like that's my continuous work because so much of my life has been being that guardian.
33:27
SPEAKER_01: You know, not at the place I am today where where it's like sacred, but it was like codependency back in the day, you know.
33:34
SPEAKER_01: And to know what I want without feeling a responsibility for anybody else is quite the quite the journey to figure out.
33:43
SPEAKER_02: Let's um, I want to pivot just to talk to women about um kind of that supporting one another and what that looks like.
33:50
SPEAKER_02: Because I I really want women to be able to understand if we come from this place where we come together and champion for one another and not do this, you know, I don't have a lot of girlfriends because I don't do the whole uh biting, gossipy bullshit.
34:06
SPEAKER_02: Like I just won't, I won't stand for it, I won't have it.
34:08
SPEAKER_02: I if you come try to talk to, I'm the wrong girl.
34:10
SPEAKER_02: I'm the wrong fucking girl, right?
34:12
SPEAKER_02: I support women, I champion for them from morning time to the end of the like all fucking day.
34:16
SPEAKER_02: I don't do that.
34:18
SPEAKER_02: How do how do you like what would you say or how do you encourage women?
34:21
SPEAKER_02: Because I know a lot of women are like, if I don't have those friends in my life, I don't have friends, right?
34:25
SPEAKER_02: Because most of the women are doing that.
34:27
SPEAKER_02: And so they sit and are complacent in Yeah, they are doing it.
34:30
SPEAKER_02: Right, exactly.
34:31
SPEAKER_02: It's like if you allow that to happen in front of you, to me, you're just as guilty as the girls that are doing it.
34:36
SPEAKER_02: This is this is not middle school anymore, ladies.
34:37
SPEAKER_02: We're in our 40s and 50s or whatever age you are, it doesn't fucking matter.
34:41
SPEAKER_02: But we got to grow up because it's we're tearing each other down.
34:45
SPEAKER_01: If you tolerate it, you're accepting it and you're saying it's okay.
34:48
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
34:49
SPEAKER_01: And then you're faced with the dilemma because then it's pretty lonely.
34:53
SPEAKER_01: If you have that kind of integrity compass, and all of a sudden you're around a bunch of people who maybe you've been friends with since grade school.
35:02
SPEAKER_01: I hear this all the time.
35:03
SPEAKER_01: Well, we've been friends forever.
35:04
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, so yeah, you're not meant to carry everybody through all the way.
35:08
SPEAKER_01: So people change and evolve.
35:10
SPEAKER_01: And every relationship I have in my life has a level of integrity with it.
35:15
SPEAKER_01: Doesn't mean we're the same people, but I don't tolerate that.
35:18
SPEAKER_01: And here's the thing like, okay, you can say you don't stand for the and and I can assure that it's also very lonely.
35:26
SPEAKER_01: I believe you because those standards are so high.
35:28
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
35:29
SPEAKER_01: And it's kind of like my friend in high school who all in and in her 40s and 50s always has to have a boyfriend, even when she knows this guy is a piece of shit.
35:38
SPEAKER_01: It's like, well, you have to step into the wilderness with your integrity and say, this is my standard, and I will not accept, tolerate, or let anything less than that in my life, because you get your standards, not your goals, right?
35:52
SPEAKER_01: She wanted Prince Charming, but your standards are shit.
35:55
SPEAKER_01: So you're gonna continue to get shit.
35:56
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
35:57
SPEAKER_01: I think girlfriends, especially in this very lonely era that we're in, even though we're digitally connected.
36:04
SPEAKER_01: Um, I think there's this lower standard of what we're willing to accept because we're not willing to stand in the wilderness where it's lonely and scary and dark, and then you're faced to deal with yourself.
36:14
SPEAKER_01: And I see this epidemic of women, you know, doing this.
36:19
SPEAKER_01: And it's like, well, you're never gonna get the the higher standard if this is what you're gonna allow in your life.
36:25
SPEAKER_01: You're not gonna get the high integrity, high caliber, quality, you know, got your back no matter what.
36:32
SPEAKER_01: Hundred percent kind of friend, no matter if she's going through shit or not, kind of friend, if this standard is what you accept in your life.
36:39
SPEAKER_01: And you're gonna have to accept that the loneliness will be there.
36:45
SPEAKER_01: The the the emptiness sometimes will be there.
36:48
SPEAKER_01: I mean, most of my closest friends do not live within a thousand miles from me.
36:52
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
36:52
SPEAKER_01: And it doesn't like just because you know you're in proximity to people doesn't mean they're the right people for you.
36:58
SPEAKER_01: Right.
36:59
SPEAKER_01: And with technology, this is where technology is great.
37:01
SPEAKER_01: Like I do many podcasts every morning with my besties.
37:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
37:05
SPEAKER_01: And that's how we communicate daily.
37:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
37:07
SPEAKER_01: Because we can't just get live on the phone, right?
37:09
SPEAKER_01: Because we're living life, raising kids, building businesses.
37:13
SPEAKER_01: Um, but you have to be discerning and keep that standard so high and not allow anything else if you really want high caliber support, love, friendship, yeah, and sisterhood.
37:23
SPEAKER_02: And and I'll tell you that that loneliness is worth it.
37:25
unknown: Right.
37:25
SPEAKER_02: So worth it.
37:26
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
37:26
SPEAKER_02: It's like that what you're talking about, you know, getting with yourself and being in the wilderness and and and looking, you know, for me, it's always like looking under the bed, the monster under the bed.
37:34
SPEAKER_02: It's not that scary.
37:35
SPEAKER_02: It's actually better than than fucking sticking in relationships.
37:38
SPEAKER_01: And if you're raising a daughter, yeah, you owe it to her to model that shit.
37:42
SPEAKER_02: 100%.
37:44
SPEAKER_01: Because I modeled that, that's why we're coming off batch weekend, her surrounded by 10 powerhouse, amazing, diverse women, because I've been modeling this.
37:53
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
37:53
SPEAKER_01: Right?
37:54
SPEAKER_01: So if you have a daughter, men and women both, like it, it's it's a responsibility to model this.
38:00
SPEAKER_02: I I agree with that, and I hope that that lands as the PSA that it is, because it's like, um, do you want to pass down that shitty biting behavior where girls are talking shit about other stuff?
38:10
SPEAKER_02: It's like, I don't think people realize how gross that makes you look.
38:14
SPEAKER_01: Show me a nasty gossiping teenager, show me her mother.
38:17
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
38:18
SPEAKER_01: Show me her mother.
38:20
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
38:21
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
38:22
SPEAKER_02: I mean, that just hit me like a ton of bricks because I can look around at people that I've seen in life, and that's exactly what it is.
38:29
SPEAKER_02: It's like, that's what you're saying.
38:30
SPEAKER_01: Show me a bully little boy or a bully little girl, show me their parents.
38:35
SPEAKER_02: Same.
38:35
SPEAKER_02: Right?
38:35
SPEAKER_02: That's that's exactly what's happening.
38:37
SPEAKER_02: And it's like, if that's what you want to pass down, know that that's what you're doing.
38:41
SPEAKER_02: Because you don't tell them what to do, you show them what to do.
38:45
SPEAKER_01: There was a while there, there was a short stint.
38:48
SPEAKER_01: My daughter was kind of that toxic masculine.
38:52
SPEAKER_01: Look at me.
38:53
SPEAKER_01: It was me.
38:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right.
38:55
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
38:56
SPEAKER_01: There was a short period of time my son was an escapist through some kind of addiction.
39:03
SPEAKER_01: Look at me.
39:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I take full fucking responsibility for that.
39:06
SPEAKER_01: And the minute I started, you know, um teaching, telling, and modeling something different, it changes.
39:14
SPEAKER_02: It's wild.
39:15
SPEAKER_02: It's wild because they're paying attention and also they do.
39:19
SPEAKER_02: It they do.
39:19
SPEAKER_02: And it's like for me, when I started doing my work, the girls are both kind of like, they look from afar, right?
39:24
SPEAKER_02: Because they're they've been burnt by what I'm brought to.
39:27
SPEAKER_02: Israel Living or Men's is completely real.
39:29
SPEAKER_02: And also I'm honored to do it every single day.
39:31
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's like I will, I will do whatever it takes.
39:34
SPEAKER_02: It's the greatest parenting hack we can do.
39:35
SPEAKER_02: Those are my those are my most important relationships.
39:38
SPEAKER_02: So literally whatever it takes.
39:40
SPEAKER_02: But um, it's so important to be able to do that and to be humble enough to say, I'm willing to heal in front of you.
39:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like literally heal in front of you.
39:47
SPEAKER_02: I think that's why I have such close relationships with all three of my kiddos, is like when I was going through, you know, all of my journey at the beginning when it was messy as fuck and it was hard to watch.
39:57
SPEAKER_02: And like, I mean, it's just I look, I look back at that time and I literally wince at how much pain I went through because I just I had never felt stuff until that point.
40:03
SPEAKER_02: I had spent decades pushing down and numbing on top of it.
40:06
SPEAKER_02: And when you let it come up, it fucking wants up.
40:09
SPEAKER_02: It wants up and it will come out.
40:11
SPEAKER_02: Um, and being able to do that, but it's like I'm modeling for them so that they understand that's what we're supposed to do, that's what we're meant to do.
40:18
SPEAKER_02: This is normal and even experience.
40:20
SPEAKER_02: It is, right?
40:21
SPEAKER_02: And it's like, I think that's what we're all supposed to do.
40:23
SPEAKER_02: And we're we've been put on this journey with our kids and our partners and like the people that come and go in our lives, and we're meant to learn something from all of them.
40:30
SPEAKER_02: And it's just so beautiful when we talk about friendships, and girls are like, I can't imagine not being friends with those people.
40:35
SPEAKER_02: It's like you gotta make space for the good shit.
40:37
SPEAKER_02: That's how it works.
40:38
SPEAKER_02: If your cup is already full, you gotta pour some of that shit out to make room for the good things.
40:42
SPEAKER_02: And that has to mean maybe friendships that you've had for a long time that are still, you know, operating on basic bitch behavior.
40:48
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, those have got to go.
40:49
SPEAKER_01: And it doesn't mean there has to be some huge blow up or even conversation.
40:54
SPEAKER_01: I mean, sometimes it does end that way.
40:57
SPEAKER_01: But usually there's like this Irish duckout, like the Irish goodbye.
41:01
SPEAKER_01: It's like energetically you just start backing up, and the next thing you know, it's like a year has passed.
41:06
SPEAKER_01: And does it mean it's not painful?
41:09
SPEAKER_01: No.
41:09
SPEAKER_01: Like I've had friendships end that I probably wouldn't have predicted, but because my standards had gotten so high, they already knew they couldn't live up to it.
41:20
SPEAKER_01: Not that I was saying that they weren't, but they knew they couldn't.
41:24
SPEAKER_01: I I they knew they couldn't, and they're not bad people.
41:27
SPEAKER_01: The way it ended, not great, didn't feel good, and I so get it.
41:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
41:31
SPEAKER_01: And they made room for the elite to show up.
41:35
SPEAKER_01: 100%.
41:36
SPEAKER_01: And if they didn't do it, I was gonna have to do it.
41:38
SPEAKER_01: And it doesn't make anything or anybody bad or wrong.
41:41
SPEAKER_01: Agreed.
41:42
SPEAKER_02: Sometimes they're part of the story's over.
41:43
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
41:44
SPEAKER_01: And it's okay.
41:45
SPEAKER_02: And it is okay, and I think people, women need to hear that specifically because it's like when you get to this place like what you're talking about with your standards.
41:51
SPEAKER_02: I've I've broken up with somebody recently where I was like, the gap has just gotten too big.
41:55
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
41:56
SPEAKER_02: Because I am, I believe that this life is for working on ourselves and leveling up and being better and being better and being better.
42:02
SPEAKER_02: You haven't changed.
42:03
SPEAKER_02: You know, when people tell you you've changed, I'm like, I know that's the point.
42:06
SPEAKER_02: Like that's the that's the point.
42:07
SPEAKER_02: You know, if I was the same person that I was five years ago, I would not be happy about that.
42:11
SPEAKER_02: I'm not the same person I was a year ago.
42:12
SPEAKER_01: Yesterday.
42:13
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly exactly, right?
42:14
SPEAKER_02: Like this Yeah, seriously.
42:16
SPEAKER_02: Because you're constantly growing and I'm constantly taking all of these different opportunities and interactions.
42:20
SPEAKER_02: And what am I meant to learn from this?
42:22
SPEAKER_02: That's like what the mission is, I think.
42:24
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you think about a seed that gets planted, like every single day, like we may not notice the growth right away, but every day that little seed is growing in a different way.
42:33
SPEAKER_01: And the next thing you know, it spots you know, spurts out out of the ground and it looks like, oh my gosh, it changed so fast.
42:39
SPEAKER_01: But there were all these little microgrowths that nobody saw, and that's us as humans.
42:43
SPEAKER_01: But sometimes our friends will notice you've grown so much, but they didn't notice the little bits every single day.
42:50
SPEAKER_01: It's just all of a sudden there's this one moment.
42:52
SPEAKER_01: And again, it doesn't have to be a big thing or that somebody's right or somebody's wrong or good or bad.
42:59
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it just is.
43:01
SPEAKER_01: And if you really want the highest version of yourself playing full out in this life, there are some cuts that will need to be made.
43:08
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
43:09
SPEAKER_02: And take a savage look at who your group of friends are, right?
43:12
SPEAKER_02: It's like, look at that and say, is that behavior something that I would want to pass down to my children?
43:17
SPEAKER_02: Because I want my kids picking a friendship like that.
43:20
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely, because that's exactly what you're doing.
43:22
SPEAKER_02: And so is it hard to say, you know what, whether it's whether it's Irish exiting or whether it's having a conversation or however it is that there's space that gets brought there, look at those things.
43:31
SPEAKER_02: And if those aren't if the five people that you spend the most time are aren't with, you know, people that you would want to be like, make change.
43:37
SPEAKER_01: And that doesn't just mean physical energy with too.
43:40
SPEAKER_01: Cause like, even though like my closest friends don't live here, and I mean one of them's living in Italy and one lives in New England, and it's like we're in different time zones and everything, but so much of my emotional loving, caring, protective energy goes into those friendships, even though they're not in proximity to me.
43:59
SPEAKER_01: I don't have a lot of space for a ton of, you know, let's go grab dinner girlfriends.
44:04
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
44:04
SPEAKER_01: And I'm okay with that.
44:05
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
44:06
SPEAKER_01: Is there, is there some nights it's like, well, that would be nice.
44:09
SPEAKER_01: But also like I'm so filled up with the circle in my life that there's only maybe room for one or two extra friends I could even allow at that standard.
44:19
SPEAKER_02: Sure.
44:19
SPEAKER_02: Well, and also like your relationship with yourself when you talk about getting to know yourself, like I want to have time just for Anne.
44:25
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
44:25
SPEAKER_02: You know, so when my husband goes and travels and he's fishing and doing all of his things, I'm like, oh my God, I'll see you later.
44:31
SPEAKER_02: I have like, you know, he just came home last night and I had four days by myself at the house.
44:36
SPEAKER_02: And I'm just like, that's exactly what I've got like got my incense.
44:38
SPEAKER_02: I'm I caught dating myself, right?
44:40
SPEAKER_02: Because I'm just dating whatever the fuck I want to do.
44:42
SPEAKER_02: And it's my favorite.
44:43
SPEAKER_02: So it's like I don't want to muck that up with a bunch of friends and a bunch of other stuff.
44:46
SPEAKER_02: Nothing against friends, but it's like I have to be good with me and I spent a lot of years not being that way.
44:52
SPEAKER_02: Did you have a a time in where you weren't okay with you?
44:55
SPEAKER_01: No, I've always I've always kind of been a lone wolf.
44:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
44:59
SPEAKER_01: I've always erred on the side of less is more.
45:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
45:02
SPEAKER_01: But even the ones that I did have, they felt very close to me, but I knew that they were at arm's length.
45:10
SPEAKER_01: Nobody ever really got close enough.
45:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
45:12
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
45:13
SPEAKER_01: So it appeared as though like I had friendships that were pretty close, but at the end of the day, like I would never ever and it's not their fault.
45:21
SPEAKER_01: Right.
45:22
SPEAKER_01: You know, it's too dangerous.
45:23
SPEAKER_02: Like especially women I mean that's what I I feel the exact same way.
45:26
SPEAKER_02: As soon as you say that I feel the same way.
45:28
SPEAKER_02: It's like I women are not supporters of other women a lot.
45:31
SPEAKER_01: And not in not always in a mean right bitchy way.
45:34
SPEAKER_01: Like my mom was not a mean bitchy woman.
45:39
SPEAKER_01: She was an emotionally abandoning and neglectful one because she didn't have that taught told her model to her.
45:46
SPEAKER_01: It was interesting though she could do it with my sister, but it's because she saw they were both like the same like the way my dad was with my with my sister, my mom felt like that's was her role.
45:57
SPEAKER_01: So they they had that trauma bond.
45:59
SPEAKER_01: And so my mom could kind of do that for for her and and I get it like it makes total sense like cognitively and also from the neck down it's one of the most painful parts of my life.
46:09
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
46:09
SPEAKER_01: You know what I'm saying?
46:11
SPEAKER_01: But I I think knowing that that I preferred the lone wolf because it was a bit safer for me.
46:19
SPEAKER_01: But and also understanding that I was always meant to be in connection.
46:24
SPEAKER_01: You know I love elephants too and the the circle you know and and that is kind of how I operate in my friendship.
46:31
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes one's in the center and the rest are circling her to protect her.
46:35
SPEAKER_01: And then other times it's like this one needs to be in the center and the rest of us are protecting her.
46:40
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
46:40
SPEAKER_01: Like I can't be an elephant out in the wild by myself.
46:43
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't work that way.
46:45
SPEAKER_01: And so I have I I I know that I'm even though I prefer to be by myself I could be locked in my house with my animals literally forever and be okay.
46:57
SPEAKER_01: And also I won't thrive as a soul.
47:00
SPEAKER_01: Right.
47:00
SPEAKER_02: We need we we need human connection.
47:03
SPEAKER_02: So I think there's definitely a balance there.
47:05
SPEAKER_02: But I think you know as women that um understand kind of that vibe it makes you very selective about where you put your energy.
47:12
SPEAKER_02: Keep the standards high and the right ones will show up.
47:14
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely and then and then it's very cut and dry for you about no if this aligns or no this doesn't because it's like I just for me I've gotten to this place I don't have time to fuck around anymore.
47:23
SPEAKER_01: It's funny there'll be you know to your you know taking this back to the front end of our conversation about my magnetic kind of energy and it's like they can't always put their finger on it and yes that it's magnetizing.
47:34
SPEAKER_01: It's also scary as fuck sometimes for people but I'll I'll get a lot like God I just want to be your friend.
47:40
SPEAKER_01: I'm like I bet you do yeah like why wouldn't you?
47:43
SPEAKER_01: I'm amazing fucking awesome like I am like a ride or die, but like what are you bringing to the table?
47:47
SPEAKER_01: And they're like Yeah.
47:49
SPEAKER_01: I'm like what's in this for me because that's how good friendship works is this, you know, it's not always balanced.
47:56
SPEAKER_01: Like sometimes I'm 80, she's 20 and you know it's just like marriage.
48:00
SPEAKER_01: You know what do you what are you bringing to the table that I win too because if you're just going to drain me, the lifespan of this friendship will be 2.2 seconds and I'm fucking out.
48:11
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
48:12
SPEAKER_02: No offense.
48:13
SPEAKER_02: No, I think I'm in the I'm in the learning process of what you're talking about right now.
48:16
SPEAKER_01: Because our ego loves being that cool friend.
48:19
SPEAKER_02: Well for me I had to I had to fix my feminine energy right because that that was a big thing for me where I have been in my masculine energy the whole time in order to do the work that I'm doing right now.
48:26
SPEAKER_02: I knew that that needed to happen.
48:28
SPEAKER_02: And so a couple of years ago I went in on the different you know things that I was going in on ayahuasca and some other ceremonies and some other stuff that was very healing for my feminine energy.
48:38
SPEAKER_02: I took away some friends from those things that have since fallen off because it's like there was a bypass there there there is, right?
48:44
SPEAKER_01: And it's like okay and no problems but that's the lesson that I'm learning of I just I would rather keep a because you're embodying feminine femininity sometimes in those practices it is a spiritual bypass and they are acting femininity but they aren't embodying it.
49:00
SPEAKER_01: And one of the things that I've really noticed as I have you know because that masculine energy has always been there for me but the more that I am in my healthy feminine like obviously it's a magnet but I think I I tend to attract people men and women both that have had a really strong mother wound of some sort because it's so magnetizing to them.
49:23
SPEAKER_01: And then depending on how far they're willing to go with their work at some point they don't like they feel how beautiful that healthy feminine nurturing energy that I have like it's so strong.
49:39
SPEAKER_01: One of the strongest I've ever seen honestly mine is that it they they don't want to trust it because they've been hurt by it before um but like they feel that protective energy and also now they're feeling that softer protective energy and it's scary for some people and I and I get it.
49:59
SPEAKER_01: It's been painful when it happens because I I know when it's going to happen because it's it's kind of like when people go through the four step this is usually where they relapse right I'm a life I'm a living breathing fourth step for people.
50:13
SPEAKER_01: I love that I am a living breathing fourth step for people.
50:17
SPEAKER_01: It's like are you gonna are you gonna face this or are you gonna run from it because you're afraid of what can happen and it's usually where I lose people and like I understand that it happens and also it's like God I'm in this I'm at this fork in the road with you.
50:32
SPEAKER_01: I'm not going to betray you but you gotta you gotta rise up to this standard and be equally vulnerable with me.
50:39
SPEAKER_02: Otherwise you're gonna run the way that you describe standard is so beautiful as far as just what that looks like because it is it's like if you don't meet that that's okay.
50:47
SPEAKER_02: No one I don't judge people who don't live up to it.
50:49
SPEAKER_02: 100% we're all we're all on our own missions we're all on our own different timing.
50:57
SPEAKER_01: No thank you.
50:58
SPEAKER_01: Like I get yeah like there's no judgment at all in that standard that's high but I know like the quality of people if I'm gonna actually come out of this lone wolf era that I was in for so many decades like if I'm gonna step out of that lone wolf era I want the elite in my circle.
51:18
SPEAKER_01: I believe you and the elite only come when your standards are high enough to have that.
51:23
SPEAKER_01: I believe that I believe that and I raise children that way.
51:26
SPEAKER_01: Yeah and look at like look at what they've got like they've got like the the greatest people in their life and which is so awesome right that just is so so fulfilling to be able to see that and to know that you put that out there if I'm called home tomorrow like not only did I raise impeccable amazing very human kids like who have their own shit you know and their own quirks and they're very different from me very different from each other and it's so cool.
51:52
SPEAKER_01: But like I broke the generational shit.
51:54
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
51:55
SPEAKER_01: I held my standard so high no matter what my fucking family thought about me.
52:00
SPEAKER_01: Like you said like the more I rose up the more they judged the more they pointed and the estrangement has hit an all-time high.
52:08
SPEAKER_01: And looking at not only the relationship I have with them but the impeccable humans that they are like question my decision.
52:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah go ahead like seriously it's sad and it's lonely and I grieve and I just got back from Ireland where my whole family's from and it was a whole thing about that and also like go ahead and take me home when you're ready.
52:27
SPEAKER_01: Like I have my receipts there's my receipts my receipts are walking living breathing beautiful generational like legacy kind of shit and the people I work with I leave that same I mean they're my kin.
52:39
SPEAKER_01: They're my kin the people that I work with you know I'm just the godmother and and leaving them better than I found them.
52:46
SPEAKER_02: You know when you when you really tap into your purpose which I believe that you have I believe I have it's just such a cool thing because it's like I don't know it just makes everything else seem crystal clear.
52:58
SPEAKER_02: It's like it either aligns or it doesn't with my purpose and I'm going to live this all the way out and if I die tomorrow excellent.
53:04
SPEAKER_01: Is there any part of that like because I can live my purpose but I still have a hard time playing do you I do we need to spend more time together.
53:14
SPEAKER_01: I'm really good at playing good I'm really good at playing because I have a heart like I love my purpose because it's so much about leaving people better than I found them.
53:22
SPEAKER_01: Yes and also like what is part of my purpose that involves no other humans you know I I I love the fact that so much of my calling and my purpose is the godmother you know being that in the life but finding that um place for me that it's just about play and the little girl that never got to play and and have fun innocence and it doesn't have to be to lead the charge and lead the move lead you know lead the move it's just because I want to play and have fun.
53:54
SPEAKER_01: Like I do arts and I cook like that's part of my playing but like I need more of that.
53:59
SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm an expert personally I tap I know I tap into my little sister you're in my life for a reason I believe that I tap into that eight year old POV all the time.
54:09
SPEAKER_01: I come from a place of awe and wonder and I have more play on my calendar than than see yeah it's I have no recollection of four-year-old POV the reason I was so angry when my daughter turned four was because that is the age first age I remember and from that age on there was no childlike innocence in play.
54:28
SPEAKER_01: I've never had it I've only seen it and obviously let my kids have it but like doing that for like that's what's missing for me.
54:35
SPEAKER_01: That's my that's the work for me to be the optimal version of myself.
54:39
SPEAKER_02: So little sister that's why you're here well I can't wait because I'm an expert and I'm happy to fucking show you what I've learned.
54:45
SPEAKER_02: So I know and your sponge is here too exactly exactly I mean what a beautiful pairing that is so well thank you so much and you live here I know isn't it how great doesn't have to be out across the across the globe or anything we can just do dinner or whatever you want.
54:57
SPEAKER_01: I know and we can be in bed separately by 8 p.m with our incense and yes salt baths I know I don't stay up late so I'm being there the same way I mean the summer's hard because it's still light out when I'm crawling into bed.
55:08
SPEAKER_02: I'm like I don't fucking exactly I'm with you a hundred percent Tracy thank you so much for coming and sharing your energy again big big energy boners again always um okay so that's a wrap if something from today's conversation hit home challenged your perspective or handed you a cheat code you didn't know you needed we'd love to hear about it.
55:25
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55:30
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55:37
SPEAKER_02: Until next time, stay curious, keep growing and don't waste your potential let's get naked.
55:41
SPEAKER_02: Let's get naked