Latest / Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell / The Destination Was Always You - The Gifts Of Solo Travel

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The Destination Was Always You - The Gifts Of Solo Travel · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate, a podcast covering all things relationships, separation and divorce.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: How to create healthy, happy, fulfilling relationships without sacrificing any part of yourself.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Supporting anyone feeling challenged in their relationship or marriage, these are confidential conversations for you if you're navigating separation, divorce or reorganising life afterwards.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Decide whether to stay or leave a relationship or marriage, divorce with less drama, and consciously choose what's next for you.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which this podcast is recorded, the Warren Tree people of the Kulin Nation, and pay my respects to their elders, past, present, and emerging.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge them as the original storytellers of this land.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to this week's episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate entitled The Destination Was Always You.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: All about traveling solo.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Now if you follow me on social media, and I really hope you do, if you don't, there's always a link in the show notes, or just search Reflect Coaching, particularly on Instagram.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, if you do follow, you'll probably know that I've recently been traveling in Europe, mostly in Italy and a little side trip to Mallorca in Spain.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it's the longest time I've taken off or mostly out of the business since starting it eight years ago.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: And some of this trip was just me traveling solo, which again, if you follow me on social media, you already know that it's something I do and something I really love, and something I also encourage my clients to explore in various ways, shapes, and forms.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: And while I was away on this trip, I was actually asked lots of questions in my DMs.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And you're always welcome there, by the way.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: If you have something you want to ask me, drop into my DMs.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: But the most common question I was asked while I was away was if I was traveling alone, solo, and the answer was yes, for parts.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now, as I've said, I love traveling alone, and the reason I travel solo, travel alone, is not because I don't have anyone to go with.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I don't actually have a full-time intimate life partner at the moment, but that's not the whole story.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's not even close, if I'm honest.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: And actually, this trip was a perfect example because this trip had three distinct parts, three completely different ways of moving through the world, and each one offered me something, taught me something different about who I am.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: So part one was a retreat.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Well, technically, part one A was three full full days and full nights solo in Rome, which was awesome.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's a long trip from Australia to Italy, so it was a great opportunity to catch my breath, fund my feet, get over a bit of the jet lag, and just be in my own time, my own space, my own company, and I loved it.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, there were some tricky bits, some challenges that I needed to overcome.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and also I'm lucky in that I've been to Rome a couple of times before, so I didn't feel that pressure to race around and do all the things.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, three days, three nights in Rome solo at the beginning just to exhale, which was awesome.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Part 1B was the retreat, a group of women I'd never met before, a retreat led by someone I've worked with for years, my own business coach Robin Gooding, who I deeply, deeply trust.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: I've never been on a retreat before, and there's a really good reason for that because while I love people, I really like people and love connection.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: As I said to someone just the other day, I'm quite particular about who I spend my time with, particularly my downtime, my travel time.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm really particular about who I spend that time with and who I'm around on that time.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: So a few close friends and even my kids were quite surprised that I'd actually said yes to the opportunity of this retreat.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Having said that, again, the main reason I felt really comfortable and so confident to say yes was because I deeply and fully trust Robin.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so I went, I didn't really know what to expect.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't quite know how I would feel in company community with a bunch of people I'd never met before.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, I expected to learn things to be stretched professionally because part of it was business retreat.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so stretched profession professionally, and also personally, I did not expect to be cracked wide open, but that's what happened.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we were swimming in the ocean off the side of a boat, we were swimming through caves, we were hiking, we were cooking and eating together, exploring, there was even a little bit of business planning and strategy in one-on-one spaces, as well as as a group.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: I guess those are the parts that I did expect, I was kind of expecting, but sitting with a group of women who, you know, just a few days before were complete strangers and somehow feeling completely seen, completely heard, completely held, that was something that I did not expect.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: We were really vulnerable with each other in ways that don't often, I was gonna say usually, but don't often happen in quite that way, quite that quickly.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe that's the magic of both being somewhere unfamiliar away from your ordinary life, but also with a carefully selected, curated group of people who actually have shared values and visions for life in a general sense, even if the specifics or the particulars of each of our lives were and are very different, right?
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Deep connections and deep friendships formed, real ones, the kind that I I didn't expect, and to be honest, I won't take for granted going forward.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: So that was part one of this trip.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: Part two was with my daughter Eva, and if you've been listening to the podcast for a while, you know of or about Eva.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: There's an episode where she comes on and talks with me about her experience of living between two homes, and we do have plans to record another one, possibly about traveling together, but that's still in the planning.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, part two was with Eva.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Traveling with your adult child, children, daughter in this case, is I think its own kind of gift.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I feel really blessed that my kids still want to hang out, spend time, holiday, travel with me.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it probably helps that mum's mum's footing part of the bill, right?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: But traveling with your adult kids, I think is its own kind of gift, you know, the conversations, the laughter, the way you see a place through through someone else, through their eyes, um, the way they bring their lived experience and their ideas, thoughts, opinions to the to the experience of travel.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I wouldn't trade that time for anything.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: But, and this is where I learned something, or as reminded of something.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Traveling with Eva also meant that there were moments, not many, but there were moments when I wasn't always choosing exactly what I wanted.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: There was, for example, there was one place that we'd planned to stay, we'd booked ahead.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it was, if I'm really honest and I look back, it was probably the place, the space, the experience that I was most excited about.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: It was going to be very much downtime, great food, family run, swimming pool, bikes, a little bit isolated, so just some real defrag time.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: But in the lead up to that, things got hard, the booking and the communication got tricky and hard, and taking into consideration what someone else, and in this case what Eva really needed, actually shifted the plan.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I made a different call than I would have if I were traveling solo.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: I absolutely love and adore my daughter, and I would make the same choice again and again when it comes to her and to us as a traveling pair.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: But I also know if I'd been traveling alone at that point, I would have run with it.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: I would have stayed exactly where I'd planned, I would have honored what I actually wanted, I would have trusted, I would have trusted that things would turn out, I would have run the risk of it not turning out quite as planned, and I would have taken the chance.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it most likely would have turned out okay, right?
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: But that moment of clarity or that moment of reflection and then clarity was actually its own kind of lesson, right?
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it's another reminder of the beauty and the gift of traveling solo.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: Shows you in real time what you want and whether you're willing to honour.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: Traveling solo by myself, and this really is what this episode is all about, right?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because often we book trips, holidays, travel experiences to escape, to get away from the noise, the routine, the relentlessness, the busyness of our normal lives.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: But what if what if we actually took a trip, booked a trip, traveled, got out of our own everyday life?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: What if we took a trip to remember?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Not to get away from our own life, but to actually come back to it, to actually come back to ourselves.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that is what solo travel does for me.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: It does a lot of things, but at its core, at its essence, that is what solo travel does for me.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And the thing is, it's not about me having no one to go with.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: I love what it gifts me.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: I love sharing the experience, I love seeing things and doing things that I might not do if I was traveling solo.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm honest, there are some things that Eva and I did which I wouldn't have done if I was traveling solo.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there really is a different kind of joy in sharing an awesome view, um, a really hard hike, a meal, a glass of wine, a moment with someone you really care about, someone you love, even someone new, right?
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: There is real joy in that share it, that shared experience.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: But, and this is stating the really obvious when you travel solo, there is no one else.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: There's no one else to rely on, and that might sound like uh a limitation.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that for many that I've spoken with, including in my DMs, it feels or it they believe or it seems like it's a lonely experience.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: But for me, it's actually become one of the most powerful experiences that I know because when there's no one else, there's also no one else to defer to.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: I have to ask myself what I want, what I need, what I feel.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: There's no one else's pace to match, even if it's just walking the streets, there's no one else's timing, no one else's preferences to sort of fold in and around my own.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: There's just me and whatever is actually true for me in that moment.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: And something actually happens in that space.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: I find that I take I take more time.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: I take more time to notice, really notice little things.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: The light, the silence, the way a city sounds, when you're not filling it with chatter and conversation with your travel companion.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: I become more open.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: I do have conversations I maybe wouldn't otherwise have with strangers, with waiting with wait staff, with people on the train station platform, and also with myself.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: I make connections that I probably wouldn't make, that probably wouldn't exist if I had someone beside me the whole time.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: And there's also something about a capability that comes up because solo travel isn't always or just easy and peaceful.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it is, but it it's not always just journaling on a balcony with a coffee or sipping a wine or an Aperole, watching the world go by.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it is standing in a train station you don't recognize, not knowing which train to get on, in a country where you maybe don't speak the language and having to work out the next move alone by yourself, just you.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I was talking to a client literally today who'd planned to travel with a friend for five weeks and was away at a similar time that I was away.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: Now, partway through this trip, things between the two of them, the travel companions, went a bit wobbly sideways, and so she ended up traveling solo for a chunk of the trip that she hadn't planned to do.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: And what she discovered, and I could see the joy on her face when she was telling me these stories, what she discovered actually surprised her.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: She discovered that she could actually do it and not just survive it, whatever it was, not just manage, but really, really enjoy it, really enjoy the experience of traveling by herself.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: She could seek out company if she wanted, in you know, short tours or organized activities.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: She could meet strangers, have conversations, make connections, ask for help, and be given, granted it freely, openly, graciously.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: And she could also spend and enjoy spending time in on her own, in her own company.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: Sit for a couple of hours watching the world, watching people go by.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: She could eat a meal in a restaurant, she could walk through a gallery or a museum completely at ease and comfortable in her own company.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: And she could also solve the problems that came up.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know, the missed train, the tour guides she couldn't find, or missed meeting, overcoming language barriers, and she could do that all by herself and feel happy, but also something like pride on the other side of it.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: Joy at having done the hard thing and found she could, and also she'd had a good time while doing it.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: She didn't fall apart or go home early because her travel companion didn't work out.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: She actually enjoyed the achievement of problem solving as well as the broader gifts of that trip.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: One tip she shared with me, which I think is fantastic, and I'm going to share it with you, is that in moments when she felt a little lonely, she just called someone from home, FaceTime, audio, video, and just said, look where I am, this is what I'm doing.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: So she had a connection with people who knew and loved her, but she did it while out and about, wandering around Prague, Berlin, wherever.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are solo traveling and you feel a little isolated, lonely, don't forget, you can actually call home and chat to people while you're out and about doing stuff.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: I loved that tip.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: But going back to her sort of problem solving, that's one part of solo travel that challenges you and changes you in a different way.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just the stillness, the sitting by the pool, the you know, sipping a wine or an Aperol, the journaling.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's proof.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's evidence.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's evidence that when something goes wrong or doesn't go quite to plan, or something challenges, bumps up against you, and you feel uncomfortable about it, and there's no one else to turn to, you can turn to yourself.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: You can trust yourself, you can do the hard stuff, you can trust yourself, turn to yourself, and you'll be enough.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: And just like my client on her trip, in the moments of the solo parts of my travel, somewhere in that I I felt a shift or a change.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, probably not changed so much as another expansion.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: I I think I reopened, I reopened my mind, my heart, and I and I healed in you know those quiet sort of ways that you don't always notice until you're back you're back home, you're back in your normal rhythm, your normal routine, and something just feels different.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: And on this trip, I stopped.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: I just stopped the rushing, the managing, the juggling, the ticking off lists, achieving, endlessly showing up for everyone else.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: And in that stillness, I also I also stopped settling for a version of myself that fitted into that busyness model of life.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: It was a re it was a remembering, really.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I really, in those solo parts of the trip, put myself first.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: And now I'm pretty good at doing that in pockets of time in my day-to-day, every life, everyday life.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: But this trip really helped me anchor back into it.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: Choosing in the moment, just for me, deciding, just for me, considering, noting, and really consciously choosing exactly what I wanted, needed, desired in each moment, choosing myself.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: But because so many of us, so many of us, and so many of you spend your days caring, doing, managing, juggling, achieving, supporting, showing up for everyone and everything.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: And underneath, underneath all of that busyness, there's a whispering sometimes, a quiet voice asking for something different, asking for something more.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I think what it's asking us is more space, more rest, more presence, more time, more time to simply be.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't plan, I didn't intend to go on this trip and become someone different.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't expect a massive transformation, but I think travel has a way of doing that.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: I went for rest, I went for adventure, I went for exploration and expansion of my world, but I also went to reconnect with myself.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: I went to remember who I already am, to remember what it feels like to wake up in the morning without rushing, to slow down, to be present, to listen to myself, to listen to my own thoughts.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, to laugh, to laugh freely, to breathe deeply, but to really feel into and feel like myself again.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: And there's something else I wanted to speak to as well, and something I think that matters especially for any of you who are listening to this who didn't choose where you are right now.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because life, when you're questioning things, questioning a marriage or a relationship, life after divorce, after separation, whether you chose that or not, can gift you something a little unexpected, a bit like travel, something extraordinary.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: It can gift you a different view, much like travel does.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: It can gift you time, it can give you space to breathe, to pause, to think, to feel, to be present and open to possibility, so that you can hear your own thoughts, feel your own feelings and wants and needs and desires, and choose just for you.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've been telling yourself you'll do all this when things calm down, when things are different, when things are less stressful, less busy, when the kids are older or work is less stressful or the mortgage is lower, this is your reminder.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: That time may never come unless you consciously choose it.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not saying it's easy.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: We all know it's not.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: But if you've been telling yourself you'll do all of this, whatever this is, when dot dot dot, this is your reminder.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: When it's just me, I get to be capable, I get to be brave, I get to choose just for myself.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: I am willing to choose myself again and again.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: I create my own joy, I choose my own path, quite literally when I'm traveling.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: I create my own journey and I create my own life on my terms, and that does not mean I don't welcome in other people.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: That does not mean that at all, but it does mean I choose me, and in that choosing, I feel more present, I feel more open, I feel more connected to my values, and adventure is one of them, as you know.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: Joy is another of them, as you know.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: I feel more connected to myself, and the version of me I like best surfaces, shows up when I'm I was going to say moving through the world alone, and that's not right.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's when I am moving through the world in a way that is aligned with who I am at my core on my own terms.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not about having no one, it's not about having no one to go with, to do the thing with, it's not about having no one to do life with.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: This trip really proved that.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: I had a retreat full of extraordinary women and we forged deep connection.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: I had Eva, and all of that brought the connection, the laughter, the depth, all of that in abundance.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: But when it was just me, it was about wanting that.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: It was about wanting to go with myself, wanting to be with myself.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's about not wanting to miss this version of me.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: So this is your reminder.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's a solo trip, a solo day, or a solo moment, book it, prioritize it, consciously choose it, consciously choose you.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: Take the time, take the moment, take the trip, even if it feels a little bit scary, even if how you're not sure how you navigate all the parts.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know you will find more, you will find more than you expect.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: I also know there will be discovery, not just of places and of stuff, but of you.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: You'll remember who you really are.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: And if I'm really honest, the destination isn't important because the destination was and is always you.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: But if this has resonated with you, if you want to step closer, if you want to explore working one-on-one with me, there is a link in the show notes book and intro call, and we can have a conversation about that.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not on my mailing list, please, please jump on.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's where I share a little more depth about what's upcoming on in the reflect community.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: So, two invitations, jump on the mailing list so you're in the know, and book an intro call if you want to explore working with me.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I guess the third ask is please share this with someone who you know and love who might need or benefit from having a listen.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: As always, go gently, but especially for this episode, go.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: Book the trip, do the thing, take the time.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: Bye for now.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sally Ann Hartnell, divorce coach and strategist, and you've been listening to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_00: You can follow me on Instagram at Reflect Coaching, and if you can think of anyone who would love or benefit from listening to this episode, please share it with them.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also be so grateful if you would follow and review the podcast so we can get it in the ears of a whole lot more people just like you who are ready to reclaim and liberate themselves in life and love.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll join me next week for another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: Until then.