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What is A HOOVER? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  What is going on, beautiful folks?
• 0:03
  Today we're going to be answering the question, what is
• 0:06
  a Hoover or what is hovering 2 OS or one O doesn't matter.
• 0:11
  It's the same thing when it comes to toxic narcissistic
• 0:14
  relationships. Like what exactly is it?
• 0:16
  Like? How do you get Hoover?
• 0:17
  Does everybody get Hoover? What is it?
• 0:19
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:21
  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
• 0:24
  the Narcissist Coat. Let's get it y'all.
• 0:45
  What's going on, folks? Welcome back.
• 0:46
  Welcome back. Welcome back.
• 0:48
  Yes, Hooverine. What is hoovering?
• 0:53
  The Hoover The dreaded Hoover The Hoover vacuum cleaner.
• 0:58
  What is it? What is hoovering?
• 1:01
  I get this question a lot. If y'all been following me for
• 1:03
  any amount of time. Whatever side it's on Hoover,
• 1:08
  that's how you spell it. Hoovering was named a named
• 1:10
  after a vacuum cleaner, the Hoover vacuum cleaner.
• 1:12
  It means sucking things back in, right?
• 1:15
  It means to get sucked back in to a relationship dynamic to me.
• 1:20
  Now they diagnose narcissists. Hoovering is any unwanted
• 1:25
  contact after the discard phase or after you break up with them
• 1:29
  after you leave their relationship.
• 1:31
  Right? Hoovering is any, like y'all
• 1:33
  listen to me, any capital, ANY, any unwanted contact after the
• 1:43
  relationship has ended to me could damn near qualify as a
• 1:47
  Hoover. This is what happens.
• 1:49
  This is the mentality. This is what you will face when
• 1:52
  you're dealing with a narcissistic person, with an
• 1:55
  abusive person. They will damn near almost
• 1:58
  inevitably try to Hoover you back in.
• 2:00
  Not everybody gets Hoover, y'all.
• 2:02
  Not everybody gets hoovered or hovered.
• 2:04
  Hovering is like they're above you.
• 2:05
  They're around you right there looking down or you're trying to
• 2:07
  pull you. They're trying to suck you back
• 2:08
  up, right, like a like a alien craft.
• 2:12
  But I think when people use hovering, they really mean
• 2:14
  hoovering. They just leave the leave out an
• 2:17
  O right. But hovering can be the same
• 2:19
  thing. Like imagine the aliens coming
• 2:21
  up above Earth, right? Or just like a narcissist being
• 2:25
  an alien, cause narcissist can be feel like aliens, right?
• 2:28
  They hovering over you and they try to suck you up.
• 2:32
  Come here, look, and they're trying to pull you back into
• 2:36
  their world, right? They try to pull you back in.
• 2:39
  That's what who hovering is right there any unwanted
• 2:42
  contact. Do all narcissists Hoover?
• 2:45
  No, again, they won't try to reach out right, but some of
• 2:48
  them will. A lot of them will them there.
• 2:50
  Most of them will right like, and I got to say this to you.
• 2:55
  I feel like I keep you had to drop these Nuggets right here.
• 2:59
  Whether you get Hoover or not or not, it is not a direct sign of
• 3:04
  your worth or value. Narcissistic people, toxic
• 3:09
  people do not get to determine your worth or value.
• 3:13
  They don't get to determine what you are worth.
• 3:16
  That's not how it works. That's not how it goes.
• 3:20
  They do not get to determine what you are worth.
• 3:24
  Worth. I know, I know, I know.
• 3:27
  A long time they spend, they spend a long time trying to
• 3:29
  determine what your worth. Yeah, I'm trying to convince you
• 3:32
  to agree with their appraisal of you.
• 3:35
  Right. They you don't have to agree
• 3:37
  with the appraisal. You can dispute it even in real
• 3:39
  estate. I'm a real estate agent in North
• 3:41
  Carolina. Right.
• 3:42
  You can dispute an appraisal if it comes back too low.
• 3:46
  Hey, send that back. I need to send that back right
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  there. Send it back.
• 3:50
  That's too low. Give me get.
• 3:51
  I need look. No, I got.
• 3:53
  I built roots here. I redid the kitchen.
• 3:56
  I redid the basement. I redid this whole thing.
• 4:01
  Send it back. But this is Yeah, this happens.
• 4:07
  I promise you. Hoovering or hoovering means
• 4:10
  they're trying to suck you back up.
• 4:11
  They want you back, Y'all They want they want a round two or
• 4:14
  round three or around 15 yo. They can round.
• 4:19
  Hoovering can go for as long as well.
• 4:21
  Lee. When it when will they stop
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  hoovering, Dave? Sometimes they won't.
• 4:24
  Sometimes you have to force them to leave you alone.
• 4:27
  Y'all, let's get, let's get real with it.
• 4:28
  Let's get real involved very early on in this video.
• 4:31
  Sometimes you have to force these toxic, manipulative
• 4:34
  bastards to leave you alone. Sometimes you have to stand up
• 4:38
  for yourself. I know a lot of a lot of these
• 4:39
  channels, including mine. I'm not trying to say I'm exempt
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  for this. A lot of these channels, my
• 4:44
  channel included, try to damn near.
• 4:46
  They teach you to be passive sometimes.
• 4:48
  Like you want to avoid this, you want to avoid this, you want to
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  avoid that. Sometimes you have to tell them
• 4:52
  to leave you the fuck alone. Let's be real.
• 4:56
  Sometimes you have to like sometimes if they keep bothering
• 4:59
  you, keep popping up at work, keep doing this, keep doing
• 5:01
  that. Keep writing you love letters.
• 5:02
  When you said, hey, stop writing me love letters, Hey, don't buy
• 5:05
  me any more gifts. Hey, don't do this anymore.
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  Hey, we're done. Can you stop doing that?
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  Hey, we're finished. Can you stop bringing this up?
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  Can you stop coming to my house? Can you stop calling me?
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  Can you stop texting me? Leave me the fuck alone.
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  Now sometimes you got to be direct to them.
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  And so even that don't work. Sometimes you got to get a
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  restraining order. Sometimes you have to get, you
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  have to arm yourself. Whatever the fuck it takes, you
• 5:25
  have to do sometimes, right? Don't.
• 5:27
  Don't. Nothing, nothing illegal.
• 5:28
  Nothing illegal that Lee told me to.
• 5:30
  Whatever it takes, I'm going to do something illegal.
• 5:31
  No, Lee did not. No, I didn't.
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  I did not say go out there and commit any type of illegal
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  illegality. I did not say that.
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  Don't you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby, Don't you do that?
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  You know what I mean? But there's so many people out
• 5:46
  there that were trying to convince you.
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  They usually need to be passed Sometimes.
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  Sometimes you can absolutely tell them to leave you alone.
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  You have to, right? Like sometimes even to get a
• 5:55
  restraining order if you haven't, if you don't have proof
• 5:57
  of you telling them to leave you alone, sometimes the police will
• 6:00
  tell you to break no contact and says, hey, look, you have to
• 6:02
  send a message or something like that.
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  Sometimes you have to, you have to show us proof that you told
• 6:07
  this person to leave you alone. Some, some sometimes I've heard
• 6:10
  that before. Hey, I I'm not saying it's true
• 6:12
  or not, but I've heard it before from from people I've done what
• 6:14
  my coaching calls with from other people.
• 6:16
  I've done one on ones with It's like, well, I had to break no
• 6:17
  contact to send this message. My attorney said send one last
• 6:21
  message, tell them to leave you alone or you have to do this.
• 6:24
  Leave me alone. You have to do that.
• 6:25
  Hoovering y'all can last for a long time.
• 6:28
  It can go on for a long time. It can be any form.
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  Y'all hoovering can be something as simple as you know, sending
• 6:34
  you an accidental text message, a bunch of letters and numbers a
• 6:37
  a, a pocket dial. You ain't yo.
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  You ain't talked to them in four years, but somehow they pocket
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  dial. You get the hell out of here,
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  right? You ain't talked to this person
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  in four years, but somehow you get pocket dialed tonight?
• 6:50
  Hell no, you believe that. You believe that.
• 6:55
  You ain't talked to this bastard in four years, but somehow you
• 6:58
  get pocket dialed or random text.
• 7:00
  Oops, didn't mean to text you. Oopsies.
• 7:03
  You see what I'm saying? What the hell is that?
• 7:06
  That's that could be a Hoover. Hoovering could be sending a
• 7:09
  message through your kids right, Telling your kids to tell you
• 7:12
  that they that Mama that daddy miss you or Mama miss you.
• 7:14
  That's hoovering. Hoovering could be calling you
• 7:17
  an unwanted phone calls and unwanted text messages.
• 7:20
  Hoovering could be reaching out through PayPal.
• 7:22
  I see, Yeah, I see this this bum ass dude.
• 7:25
  Y'all, this is one of the funniest ones I hear.
• 7:28
  This bum ass dude was reaching out through PayPal.
• 7:32
  Well, Lee, that doesn't sound anything unusual.
• 7:34
  I've had people reach out to me, try to Hoover me through PayPal
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  and cash out by sending me money.
• 7:39
  I didn't say he sent money. I said he reached out.
• 7:43
  He requested money. This man requested money and was
• 7:48
  sending messages. He Yeah, you can't make this up.
• 7:53
  He was requesting money to send message to to old PayPal to he
• 8:02
  was requesting messages. He was requesting money to send
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  these messages like this. Is this insane?
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  I know that is I know that y'all think y'all know that y'all know
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  this insane like wait what? Yes, he was requesting the money
• 8:15
  through PayPal to try to Hoover this woman.
• 8:17
  It's crazy, but hoovering could be that right there.
• 8:20
  Hoovering doesn't have to be this big grandiose stuff route.
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  Hoovering could be small little things that they're doing to try
• 8:27
  to fall in love with you, try to get you back into their life.
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  Hoovering can be small things, little things, little acts of
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  love, little acts of contrition, little acts of little kindness,
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  and little fake acts of empathy. Hoovering could be an apology,
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  right? A fake apology.
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  Of course. I'm sorry for everything.
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  That could be a Hoover writing you letters popping up at your
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  job, but you know what I'm saying sending you unwanted
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  messages like y'all, I I'm not trying to get people ideas, but
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  I said had somebody that signed up like they they they got
• 8:55
  separated, right. She kicked him out of her house,
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  this man, because she blocked him everywhere.
• 9:01
  This man, y'all don't believe this.
• 9:04
  This man started got magazine subscriptions in his name sent
• 9:08
  to her house. She she would have to call him
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  to get him to stop. You mean he got magazine like
• 9:13
  Sports Illustrated and stuff sent to her house or wedding and
• 9:17
  wedding magazines sent to her house and stuff like that?
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  Subscriptions in her name? Like you may put her e-mail
• 9:23
  address on certain subscriptions about reconciling after
• 9:26
  infidelity, newsletters or whatever sent to her to try to
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  Hoover her back in. That's hoovering, y'all?
• 9:32
  Hoovering is any unwanted contact that is meant to trigger
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  a response, that is meant to get you back to them, that is meant
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  to try to suck you back into their into the relationship,
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  trying to get you to break no contact.
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  Y'all see my group right here, my coaching courses, everything
• 9:47
  is available at mentalillness.net.
• 9:48
  But yeah, yeah, this is how it goes.
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  Like hoovering, like I said, it does not have to be anything
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  over the top. It doesn't have to be grandiose.
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  It could be small acts of love, small acts of care, just to.
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  Yeah, Hoover can be telling you what you want to hear.
• 10:02
  Yeah, Hoovering can be telling you what you want to hear.
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  That's all it did. That's all what a Hoover can be.
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  It can be simply as it's telling you everything that you want to
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  hear. Well, Lee, I was on the way out
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  the door. I had my bags packed, and then
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  all of a sudden, out of nowhere, they told me everything that I
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  wanted to hear. Of course they did.
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  Of course they told you what they wanted to hear.
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  Why? Yeah.
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  If they want you back in their life, why would they tell you
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  stuff that you don't want to hear?
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  You see what I'm saying? What sense does that make right
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  there? Why would they tell you
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  something that you don't want to hear?
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  If they're trying to get back with you, they're going to fill
• 10:35
  your head with thing with, you know, future thinking It's
• 10:38
  hoovering. Planning a trip in the future
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  when y'all broken up, it's hoovering.
• 10:44
  Y'all divorced. That's hoovering.
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  Y'all Any unwanted contact that is meant like Lee, is this
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  hoovering? I got a letter in the mail from
• 10:52
  my ex. Is this hoovering?
• 10:53
  Yes, I got a text message from a fake member claiming I'm
• 10:58
  cheating. Is that Hoover?
• 10:59
  Yeah, yeah, yes, yes. Even if your ex reaches out to
• 11:03
  you and says, oh, I hear, sorry, I heard you all on a date or
• 11:07
  whatever. Hope, hope they hope you're
• 11:08
  happy with this. Whoever you with right now, you
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  don't you, you haven't went out on a date, you haven't went out
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  with anybody else. They're just trying to put bait
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  out there for you to respond to them.
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  Hoovering is trying to get you to respond.
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  That's what it is. That's what hoovering is, y'all,
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  they're trying to suck you back into the relationship dynamic,
• 11:27
  whatever it was like hoovering doesn't have to be in the
• 11:33
  narcissistic robot overheating, talking about hoovering.
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  Hoovering doesn't have to be just in the intimate
• 11:38
  relationship setting, right? It could be your your your boss
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  from your ex, your old job, you quit a job and then you were a
• 11:43
  great employee. Great work go great Co worker,
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  whatever it is, great business partner.
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  They might try to Hoover you as well to Hey, I gave I'll give
• 11:52
  you extra 5% ownership if you come back, extra 1% stake in the
• 11:56
  company. If you come back, I promise you
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  come on back here, Bom bom, come on back here.
• 12:01
  Been about you mean that's hoovering as well.
• 12:05
  Hoovering can come from your school.
• 12:06
  Like if you decided to leave a school, if you're an athlete,
• 12:08
  you try to leave the school or you're a scholar or somebody you
• 12:11
  decide to leave a school. Hoovering is putting you on an
• 12:14
  e-mail drip campaign to come on back, right?
• 12:16
  Your real estate agent can Hoover you after you got fired.
• 12:19
  If you fired real estate agent, they can Hoover you back in.
• 12:21
  I saw the perfect house for you. You mean I saw the perfect house
• 12:24
  for you? Just got to go pull the trick
• 12:26
  around. It's up to you though.
• 12:29
  I'm here if you need me. That's what hoovering is, y'all?
• 12:31
  Any unwanted contact from anybody that you've discarded in
• 12:34
  your life. Anybody doesn't have to be your
• 12:37
  wife or your husband, your boyfriend, girlfriend, your
• 12:39
  fiance, whoever it is anybody who you feel like has wronged
• 12:43
  you and you've broken up with them in any like a business.
• 12:45
  Like I said, it could be a business relationship.
• 12:48
  That's what hoovering is Hoovering is trying to get you
• 12:50
  to come back into this relationship dynamic.
• 12:53
  So promising the change and they yeah, they haven't changed.
• 12:57
  I can say that with with with just just with Glee that they
• 13:02
  haven't changed. Not with Glee.
• 13:02
  It's wrong word. I can say that with just them
• 13:05
  there. I don't like speaking absolutes,
• 13:07
  but near I say that with 9095% certainty that they haven't
• 13:12
  changed. Well, Lee, what about the other
• 13:14
  5%? I want to be in the 5%.
• 13:16
  You want to you want to be in the 5%?
• 13:18
  I know people want to be in the you.
• 13:20
  You want your relationship to make it through the trials and
• 13:22
  tribulations. Yeah.
• 13:23
  You don't have to go through trials and tribulations.
• 13:26
  Are you, are you going through these trials and tribulations
• 13:29
  together or do they put you through those child trials and
• 13:32
  tribulations? Do they keep continuously doing
• 13:35
  things to upset you or to violate your boundaries or to
• 13:38
  make you mad or to make you sad? Do they keep doing this type of
• 13:41
  stuff over and over again? Where do these trials and
• 13:43
  tribulations come from? Is it an actual trial or
• 13:46
  tribulation or is it just something that they're that they
• 13:48
  are attributing to that? These are questions you have to
• 13:51
  ask yourself as you're moving forward, as you're trying to
• 13:53
  heal, as you're trying to grow, right?
• 13:55
  Because those are in, these are important questions.
• 13:57
  How did you get here? Where are you going right now?
• 14:00
  Right? Ask yourself these questions
• 14:02
  before you accept the Hoover, Willie.
• 14:04
  I got Hoover again today. You don't have to fall for a
• 14:06
  Hoover, y'all. It's not.
• 14:08
  I feel like an attempted who? I should have been using the
• 14:10
  word attempted Hoover, right? Because it's not really a Hoover
• 14:13
  unless they suck you back in, right?
• 14:16
  It's not really a Hoover, It's hoovering attempt.
• 14:18
  It's attempted hoovering until you get sucked back in because
• 14:22
  that's when things change, right?
• 14:24
  That's when things switch up. Like it's attempted hoovering is
• 14:27
  when they are trying to suck you back in, when they're trying to
• 14:29
  pull you back into the relationship dynamic.
• 14:32
  That's an attempted Hoover. Hoovering.
• 14:33
  The official Hoover happens when you get back into the
• 14:36
  relationship or you fall for it, or you go back to them or
• 14:38
  whatever. You reach out or reach back out
• 14:40
  to them. I can do another video on the
• 14:42
  reverse Hoover because the reverse Hoover is when they
• 14:45
  leave you alone and you're the one that reaches out to them,
• 14:48
  right? It's still a vacuum cleaner, but
• 14:50
  it's turned off. And it's like you're, you're
• 14:52
  climbing up the vacuum, the suction tube, getting and
• 14:56
  jumping back into the dirt, the, the dirt bag, right, jumping
• 14:58
  back into the, into the dustbin. You climbed up the you climb you
• 15:01
  yourself. The reverse Hoover Hoover is you
• 15:04
  yourself climb into the dirt tube, climb into the tube and
• 15:08
  jump into the dirt bag yourself. This is the first hobby.
• 15:12
  I do another video on that y'all.
• 15:13
  Anyway, y'all, thank you for tuning in.
• 15:15
  I appreciate every single one of y'all Hit the subscribe button
• 15:17
  if you haven't and I'm out. Peace.
• 15:19
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 15:21
  I am extremely grateful for you have no idea.
• 15:24
  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 15:26
  to the channel. Help us reach more people and
• 15:28
  click on the screen to watch another video or to browse to
• 15:30
  another playlist. There's also a link on the
• 15:32
  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
• 15:35
  you heal and understand what you've been through.
• 15:37
  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
• 15:39
  video. Peace.