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Monday Mini: Putting Bedrotting to Bed? · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anny and Samantha. Welcome stuff. I've never
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: told you a prediction by her radio.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: Oh ye'ah. So in one of our last episodes or
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: recent episodes with Joey, we discussed how like social media
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: platforms such as TikTok has had a huge influence in
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: like reclaiming or recreating terms us to become more either
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: gendered or just putting a new QC name on things
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: like girl dinner. We specifically talked about girl whatever, girl
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: bossing that's kind of been a little before them, but
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: the girl dinner creating these gendered ideas, by the way,
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: which is essentially snacking. But I think it's funny because
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, this is girl dinner. I mean
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: the chagoo tree board for dinner like that.
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: I do that often. I'm not gonna lie.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: But one of the terms that we did bring up
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: but really didn't get into was bed rid because I
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: discovered it and like, what is that? That just sounds gross?
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: So ady, had you heard this term?
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: Would I actually think I was ahead of you this
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: grid because and I want to say this, I want
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: to be very clear, I am not on TikTok. So
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: if I sound like an old person talking to the youth.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: I heard about concerns around it on like what it
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: meant on news sites like CNN, And then I saw
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: a stand up act where it was essentially like it
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: was on Stephen Colbert. Stephen Colbert brought out his writer
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: who was young, a woman, and was like, what is this?
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: And she explained it and then they jokes and sue,
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: So I had heard about it. That is the context. Yeah,
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: I heard about.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: I mean this is right on part because I was
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: a year behind, Like all of the articles that I've
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: seen recently about bed running has been in twenty twenty three,
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: so August of twenty twenty three, so I'm a little behind.
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: I may have seen it and just bypass because I
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: don't want this.
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: What is this?
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: I do this on a daily? Are you gonna make
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: fun of me? Are you gonna call me out? I
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: don't need this or a monthly, not daily, not daily,
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: I swear to guys.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: I'm okay, I promise.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: But so before we start, of course we're talking because
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: it's my Monday minni, and when it comes to Monday
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: minnis that I do, we often talk about social media
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: and how it's calling me out. And why is it
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: necessarily call me out. I don't need you to tell
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: me in terms of what's wrong with me, but yet
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: you do, so I'm gonna.
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: Share it type of thing.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: Or we talk about mental health stuff, which is essentially
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: the same difference. I'm like, why we still talking about
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: the things that are wrong with me? And everybody has
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: to deal with it, So let's go. So this is
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: my segment. So many users have been saying this specific
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: term bed routting, which to me makes me picture the
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: scene from seven, you know, the one where they died
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: of sloth and like you, they are encrusted into the
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: bed and I'm like.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: God, yeah, and that's the scene I have.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: Y'all's still one of the most like scary movies, but
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: I can't watch it because Kevin Spacey's a dick and
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: he ruined everything.
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: But all that say, that's what I pictured it.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: But it's really the idea of taking self care to
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: bed or spending a lot of time in bed by choice.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: And that word is by choice, because we know sometimes
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: people are bed ridden and have situations where they have
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: to be and they would rather not be or all
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: of that. So please understand what saying by choice. And
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: here's what Forbes says. A bed rot is when you
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: feel stressed or anxiety or in some way feel overwrought
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: with emotion and then end up spending a lengthy period
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: of time in bed to rest or cope. And now
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: we're not exactly talking about depression either, So what we're
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: talking about in this whole conversation saying like pre depression
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: or like not quite depression. So we're gonna put that
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: in this caveat. So many have talked about as a
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: way of taking some time off to just relax and recharge,
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: but there are a few who are her a bit
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: concerned by its effects, as you were talking about earlier.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: Any here's a quote from a CBS News article written
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: about it. They say the trend has faced criticism from
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: the wellness community as well as doctors, especially for people
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: dealing with depression or anxiety. Quote it can worsen overall
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: health by increasing risk of obesity and cardiovascular disease. A psychiatrist,
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: doctor Rishik what Tom said. Doctors say bed riting can
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: disrupt healthy sleep patterns, adding is okay to slow down
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: for a day once in a while if you're really exhausted,
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: but if bedwriting becomes a barrier to living a full
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: life or taking care of daily responsibilities, it might be
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: a sign to seek help. If I'm finding myself needing
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: more and more of this, doctor, what Tom said is
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: a good reliable sign that there might be some other
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: problems going on. And of course there's some questions with that.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: Is it really needing a day off laying around in
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: bed or is it something more? Again, some TikTok users
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: actually have contended that it's actually something known as languishing,
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: And before we jump into that, I think, like that's
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: really important to understand when we're talking about laying around
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: a lot versus a day or so off. I've definitely
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: done this where I'm like, you know what, screw this,
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna go get my computer. I'm gonna go get
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: tucked into my bedroom and have the TV on there
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: and work from here, like this is what I want today,
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: this is all I need. I'll get some snacks, I'll
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: get my water, and here we go. But I've definitely
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: had moments where I'm like, I'm asleep till sixty till
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: like three in the afternoon, because sleeping is a better
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: resolution than to be up like, you know, that's definitely
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: like that danger zone where we have this conversation. I
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: hate the term bed rotting because just rotting is not
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: a fun term to me. So I'm really surprised that
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: they took that twist, like rotting is not the most
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: like I would not affiliate that with self care.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like it's a similar to what
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: we talked about with Joey. There's something interesting that's happening
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: where women, especially are I guess we're like pulling back
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: the curtain on things that for a long time we've
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: pretended haven't been happening, or at least a lot of
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: us have, and we're giving them these names that are
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: either dramatic or kind of infantilizing, what have you. But
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: I feel like bedrotting is sort of a case of exaggerating,
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: maybe not, but like it. It doesn't sound pretty, it
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: doesn't sound gendered, it doesn't sound nice. It's kind of
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: the opposite of what we would normally attach to something
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: women would do. So I think it's one of an
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: example of that of women being like, gus, what this
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: kind of thing you see me as publicly behind the curtains.
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: That's just.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: What I kind of feel is going on in here.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: There's also some like vility in that conversation that this
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: system trying to get viral, so like, yeah, there's apparently
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: like seventy five point five million videos related to bedriding,
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: so I think this may be part of that conversation
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: because also I got onto a different rabbit hole, which
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: I want to come back to with gen Z terms
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: that have like different meanings of like you're just rebranding
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: one of them, and I don't know if it's a
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: joke naut and again I want to revisit this is
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: the ideal of a gen Z dude dating a gen
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: X or an older millennial woman being called hag Maxer.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: Oh but then I see that and it says like
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: there's a Luna the warnings in Twitter that says it
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: that it may be a four chan joke that just
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: exploded and people have latched onto Oh yeah, so things
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: like that that kind of have happened, which I'm like, yeah,
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: that makes sense, And though like they took it from
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: milf to cougar to this that, I'm like, they just rebranded,
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: and I feel like it's not necessarily better, right, Yeah,
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: just say another video popped up on my feed where
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: it says because I had not been on the bed riding,
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: I just saw it once and maybe because I didn't
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: watch it, I moved on. But then a video came
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: back and was like, I'll tell you what this actually is.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: It's called languishing. So I went down this mental health
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: rabbit hole, and here's what languishing is. An article from
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: Real Simple titled what is languishing They Say? The American
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: Psychology Association Dictionary of Psychology officially defines languishing as the
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: condition of absence of mental health, characterized by on we
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: thank you for the assistance, apathy, listlessness, and a loss
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: of interest in life again, so it's very close to depression,
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: they move on. Languishing can also be described as a
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: doling of our emotions, says a Dion Mesger, MD, a
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: psychiatrist practicing in Atlanta. It's not sadness, but a lack
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: of joy, she says, is a neutral feeling of emptiness.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: American sociologists and psychologist Corey Key's PhD was the first
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: to use the term languishing as a way to describe
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: a person's mental well being. Much of his research has
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: approached mental health as a continuum, with the idea that
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: the absence of mental illness does not automatically translate into
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: the presence of mental health. More specifically, on one end
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: of the spectrum, Keys would describe someone who was mentally
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: healthy as quote flourishing, while someone with an absence of
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: mental health would be languishing. In his seminal two thousand
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: and two paper on the mental health continuum, Keys knows
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: that the peace people who are languishing face a risk
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: of a major depressive episode that is two times higher
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: than those who are moderately mentally healthy and almost six
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: times greater than those who are flourishing. So with that,
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: it's not surprising that the pandemic has really impacted the
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: growth of languishing as well. Many of us has come
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: to this point either being anxious or completely ambiguous about
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: what we are doing in the future. As the nysut
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: dot org puts it, quote, you may not have symptoms
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: of mental illness, but you're not functioning like you used
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: to and worried about your mental health over time. Languishing
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: is not clinical deppression, but may dull your motivation, ability
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: to focus, and makes you feel a sense of stagnation
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: and emptiness, maybe even joylessness and aimlessness. It may be
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: the prominent emotion of post pandemic for many of us. Yeah,
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: and I think that's really kind of that conversation we
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: continue to have of that, like we cannot get out
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: of this phone. It's really hard for me as an individual.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: Of course, we're going to talk a little more into
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: it in just a minute, but like it could be
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: the added plus of like this is my trauma response
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: to begin with, so coming into languishing is just a
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: natural state. Also, I am a more depressive individual, so
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: therefore this isn't like the normal state. So I'm like,
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: I'm good compared to my depressive state. Everything's Fineya, Everything's
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: just fine. Or perhaps it's just as the newest way
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: of understanding that midlife crisis, which I've talked about repeatedly,
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: because I'm like, do I have it?
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: Is this what's happening?
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: Is this like that level of like, Okay, I'm not
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: quite here because I can't afford what used to be
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: the boomer solution of midlife crisis, because I still have
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: to keep working and I still have to keep pushing.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: I have to do these things, and I'm not quite
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: to that point of like having you know, adult kids
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: or any of those things to focus on. That's a
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: whole different conversation. The emptiness that is not quite depression,
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: but just a sense of void and trying to fill it.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: So we're languishing instead of full on mid life crisising.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah I made that anyway. There's another term that many
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: have associated with this as well, called functional freeze. So
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: we know what the reaction freeze reaction is in a
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: trauma response. We've talked about that repeatedly in our trauma
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: series when we come back to revisit like Trauma Series
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: or trauma Reactions, We've talked about that as a thing
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: because I've talked about that, But that's what I do.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: People think I'm being really calm and very good in
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: a bad situation, when in actuality I've disassociated and frozen.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: I tried not to tell people that though, because I
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: think I'm really professional when in actuality I have no
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: idea what the hell is happening. But yeah, but this
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: is not exactly what we're talking about. I feel like
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: functional freeze is similar to that. And again, kind of
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: like how we said, how All was saying languishing may
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: be like the normal spot for those who are depressive
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: major depressive disorder. I think functional freeze is kind of
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: that level of like, Okay, we're not quite in that
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: trauma response, but it's just kind of like, yeah, this
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: is protection. This is me protecting myself in a constant
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: but in a more acceptable manner.
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: We'll say like that.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: So, according to another Forbes article, functional phreezes quote a mental, physical,
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: and emotional state where people find themselves immobilized by inertia,
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: lacking the drive to pursue their goals or engage in
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: activities that once brought them joy, and it goes on
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: its onset. Mode can stem from various factors. Stress, burnout,
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: unresolved emotional issues, and a lack of clear direction in
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: life all contribute to perpetuate the sense of stagnation. As
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: responsibilities mount, individuals may withdraw from the world, retreating into
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: a state of numbness and apathy. The consequence of this
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: state can be far reaching, impacting multiple facets of an
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: individual's life. Relationships may suffer as communication WANs and social
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: interactions become superficial. Work or academic performances may also decline
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: over time. This pattern of avoidance and disengagement can undermine
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: self worth and contribute to mental health challenges such as
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: depression and anxiety. So it can also be a sign
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: of things to come, So just depressive disorders or anxiety disorders,
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: or having an attack coming on, so defensive attack or
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: an anxiety attack, all those things.
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: It could be one of those things.
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: And I find this interesting because I just told you
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: any that I'm like, yeah, I'm in this give up mode,
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: so screw it, like it's out the window where I
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: hit a wall and I'm just like I'm done, and
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: I will tell you and you know, we all have
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: our moments. And thus far, the last six months has
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: had a lot of like family emergencies. I have had
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: three different family members, close family members going into the hospital.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: They're all okay, but they've had some issues. I've had
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: two funerals of very close relatives and like things are happening,
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: and I have kind of responded fairly well to the
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: point that I've just shaken it off and been like, yeah, okay,
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: next type of situation, which is kind of not normal
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: for me. But I have come to the point that
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: I think I'm in that phrase mode or languishing mode
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: in which I'm just like, all right, things are happening.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: I can't crash and burn right now, so let me
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: do it this way, to the point that I am
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: not telling people about these incidents unless I have to.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: So I've told you many of these things. Now I'm
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: telling our listeners because it affects my work. So I'm like, hey,
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: I might even have to do this. And I've had
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: to be like I can't be on this just this,
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: this and this, and then my partner knows about it,
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: and that's kind of it. Like I haven't told any
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: of my closest friends. I've just stopped talking until I
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: have to explain myself and be like, I'm so sorry.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: It seems like I was ignoring you or I was
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: canceling because I was canceling on people too, And I
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: try to explain what's going on, but I just don't
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: have the emotional strength, I guess I say, like just yeah,
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: like that, I'm like, I want to explain what's going on,
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: Like it just feels worse for me to explain what's
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: going on. And it's a part of this thing, like
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: both trauma response all these things. And I know we've
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: gone far away from that conversation about bedrotting, but we
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: are talking about why people are saying that they need
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: these things or that these are good things or this
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: is like revamping of these words because we're back into
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: the state of the languishing of the functional freeze. I
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: haven't stayed a day in the bed yet, but I
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: do stay on the couch often until I have a
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: reason to get up.
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: Wow. That sounds real bad, y'all. I'm okay. I swear
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: I'm not in danger zone. We're good.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: But in the sense of, like I do go workout,
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: So I have told my workout buddies that I'm like
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: because I can do like.
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: Zoombah and cardio jam.
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: I love dance like oh, I love going out moving around.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: So they feel like the closest friends I have right
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: now because I've seen them outside of you, who I
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: see multiple times a week, like, but like they are
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: people that I don't have. They don't ask me things,
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: you know what I mean, we don't get into in
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: depth conversation. And as for me, who needs in depth conversation,
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: which is this like oxymoron to me? Just don't want
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: to have it right now time that so therefore I
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: can't have any conversation with you because I don't know
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: how not to do that. And so all of these
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: things are happening, or like when I do work or
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: when I research that, I'm just like, yeah, okay, do
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: I have to go see people? Do I have to
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: do things? And like I'm forcing myself. This week has
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: been a busy week. And I say busy weeks. I'm
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: doing two things, two things outside of the norm, and
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: it feels kind of overwhelming already. But like there's this
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: level of trying to figure all these out. I feel
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: like most people know what I'm talking about. At the
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: same time, they're like Smith Stopp complaining, there are so
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: many things that have been happening recently that I'm trying
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: to figure out where to go. Some of the solutions
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: because we are coming back with solutions obviously that they
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: have recommended are as follows. So one of the things
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: that I've seen on several things was hiking and meditation
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: in nature, and they have a specific Japanese word for this.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: I don't know how to say if someone leave it alone,
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: so I'm just gonna describe it to you, but I'll
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: credit this and essentially like as it says, you go
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: into the woods and actually concentrate and take a depth
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: and like be a part of nature and like focusing
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: on nature and all of that when I used to
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: not a sponsor, use Calm a lot. Like they have
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: a walking meditation episode and it's really lovely because it
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: has the woman that I liked tomorrow, which I talked
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: about a long time ago, and like being able to
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: like listen to your steps, listen to your breathing here
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: this and like having this moment of like okay, and
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: I would always just do one ear phone while I'm
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: walking because I'm like, okay, so I can Hey, I need.
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: To be aware of nature. Someone's coming up behind me,
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: but I need to be ready.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: But all those things it was nice, So I was like, okay,
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: that's a nice one. And then they talk about reconnecting
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: to something that excites you or brings joy, like I
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: kind of have a hard time with to begin with, Like, y'all,
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: I've told you I try to find hobbies because I'm
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: like that's what normal people do. I cannot figure out
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: a hobby that I like, except for phone games, which
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: does not seem helpy connect with people, which again it's
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: kind of hard to even get to that point because.
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: That means I have to explain myself and there's so
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: much to.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: Like at the same time, and you and I you've
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: talked about this recently. I feel like it's an inconvenience
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: for other people to hear about my problems. It's not
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: or it's not big enough for y'all to deal with,
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: or it's passed by so long ago that everything's okay,
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: so there's no need to bring it back up again.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: So those like moments. But I do know when I
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: connect with people it does feel better. It's just that
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: beginning trying to get to that point unless it's a
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: lot of people I don't know and that I'm not
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: anxious and I'm like, I.
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: Hate this, uh, And then I feel like this is a.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: Big one, And I do.
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: Feel like this is where TikTok helps me. Stupid TikTok.
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: Acknowledge where you are and if you're in a good place,
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: acknowledging that it's okay to be in that spot, and
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: to always remember you're always going to be in a
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: different mood, like it's not long lasting, hopefully eventually, and
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: even though if it is, there are usually moments of
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: sparks that you see, you're not going to feel happy
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: all the time. That's not a thing, you know, We
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: know this if you're a human. Even with the best situations,
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: there are still moments of I think we talked with
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: the Eaves, like we have a job and everything's great,
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: but then the anxiety of like performing or trying to
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: do something, or being relevant or doing hopefully hoping that
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: we were impactful so many things. And here's this from
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: and I thought that was really good. They were talking
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: about the pandemic times and languishing and they said from
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: and it's from Forward Wellnesscounseling dot com. Finding your flow,
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: blocking out time, and setting small goals all good ideas
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: and interventions. I often discussed with people in therapy. Doing
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: one thing mindfully, which can elicit a flow state, is
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: a particularly great practice. So much of what we identify
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: as anxiety comes down to to do lists and little
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: problems that overwhelm us as there's too much to do
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: and not enough time to do it. Learning to tune
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: out that inner monologue that constantly drives us to do
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: more is in fact the key too and the goal
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: of mindfulness practice. And yet while the larger context of
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: the pandemic is acknowledged, the article's advice is directly squared
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: at the reader, implying a personal responsibility to manage the symptoms,
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: while otherwise disregarding the cause, over and against the impulse
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: to self discipline already deeply ingrained in so many of us.
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: I sometimes challenge much clients to consider, what, if how
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: you are coping right now is good enough? Could it
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: be that languishing is simply a natural reaction to those
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: prolonged stress and uncertainty. Maybe the response you are having
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: is a valid one, maybe a more appropriate strategy. So
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: I'm guessing they're trying to like you don't have to
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: do that mindfulnessing. Maybe a more appropriate strategy for coping
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: with languishing would be allowing allow yourself to take a nap,
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: allow yourself to take things off your to do list,
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: and opt out of a zoom meeting. Allow yourself to
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: continue to grieve the losses. This pandemic is not over.
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: The vaccine that we were told would return life to
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: normal has not allowed us to resume pre pandemic activities.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: Yet we are still wearing masks and limiting outings and
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: a lot of us are. I want to put that
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: as an ass like it's I don't know how long
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: ago this article was written. So this is my little bit,
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: Sam's bit, but just a reminder. COVID is still happening
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: and a lot of people are still masking and limiting
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: their time out just as a reminder, and as we've
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: talked to people recently, they are still getting COVID. So
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: going on, we are still putting off travel plans and
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: family reunions. So in this endless, seventh inning stretch that
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: is the pandemic, maybe we could all use a little
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: more patience with ourselves to just be with no expectation
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: of doing more and doing better, allow ourselves to fill
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: whatever it is we are labeling this feeling and knowing
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: that this too shall pass. So I think, like, yes,
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: it's kind of trying to find that place where you
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: are specifically to this and again, like I said, like
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: letting it be, allowing it to be, calling it out
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: and then just kind of sitting in it. And it's
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: okay for for a suspended amount of time, y'all like
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: or not saying forever, don't do this forever because it's
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: ire some sashsome but I think there's a lot to
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: be said in this conversation, Like, yes, bedrotting is a
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: I want to say, funny term, but looking at the
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: bigger picture of what it is is also important. Again,
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: like whatever, the millions of videos that are out there,
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: because there's millions and then the millions of views that
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: they've all had, is a good thing to talk about
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: it. It has really opened up a conversation that I think
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: is really important. Not the self care but because you know,
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: self caacter is great.
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: If what you.
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: Need is a day that you just sit and watch
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: your movie and just not worry about the world, then
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: wonderful you do you, and like I'll do me because
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: that's what I want to do. But just a reminder
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: that they're usually bigger pictures of what is going on
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: and a bigger conversation of what needs to be said
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: or what needs to be realized at the very point
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: like listening to your body.
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: M hmm, so there you go. Thank you for going
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: down my rabbit hill?
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, of course. I mean I think it is
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: important because so many of us feel like we don't
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: have control anymore. So when I feel like when I
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: hear this to me, it sounds like, well, what am
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: I going to do? So I'll just do what I
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: can to get to the the next bit. This is
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: really funny to me because I've had kind of a
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: hectic day and i have a lot to do. But
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: I was like, maybe I'll get in bed and like
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: read fan fiction, and to me, that's like the luxury
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: of all.
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: Luxury, which is amazing. Yeah, but it's funny to me.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: I didn't know you were talking about this day.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh my gosh, and he's gonna go
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: bed rot y'all.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: The first time.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: Well, listeners, if you have any thoughts about this, please
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: let us know. You can email us the Stuff at
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: you mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You can find
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: us on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast, or on Instagram
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: and TikTok at stuff One Never Told You. We also
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: are on YouTube. We have a tea public store, and
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: we have a book you can get wherever you get
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: your books. Thanks Zoways too, our super producer Christina, our
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: executive producer My and your contributor Joey.
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: Thank you, and thanks to you for listening.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: Stuffan Never Told You is production of I Heart Radio
• 26:28
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• 26:29
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• 26:31
  Speaker 1: to your favorite show.