Latest / After Maghrib 🌙 / Trapped in my Desires (Ft Sheikh Mustafa Akhound)

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Trapped in my Desires (Ft Sheikh Mustafa Akhound) · After Maghrib 🌙

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Salaam Alaikum Mutala welcome back to the aftermarket a
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podcast this week Brandon sisters, we are following on
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from our last weeks conversation where we talked a lot about the
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amount of our time and mom so I have lost was Zaman Ali Salam
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much a lot to Allah Raja Sharif and this week specifically,
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brothers and sisters, we are going to be talking about the
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jihad of the Neffs, the struggle that we have with our soul and
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more so talking about Hubbard dunya love of this world.
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Now I know what you're thinking. When you hear the topic, Hubbard
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Dunya, you may immediately be thinking, oh, I know what that's
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about. Fast cars, stacks of money,
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talking to girls and the opposite gender.
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No, no, no, no, no, brother sisters, this is something you
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need to hear. We are only a matter of days
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away now from the blessed month of Shahramabhan, and this is the
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time where we really need to focus on this, reflect on
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whether we are falling into that trap and whether we need to
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refine ourselves. What I would say, brother,
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sisters, is there is a danger to Mott Minion, you know, when you
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lose yourself. Looking like.
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James Bond today, what have you said?
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Why are you looking so sharp? Are you always doing a lot of?
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Stuff for Allah. I came from an event, yeah, it
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was a charity that I was hosting a charity dinner with the King's
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College. London shall debate Islamic
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Society. Shout out to them.
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Amazing committee. May Allah bless them.
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And I think we had a good, good dinner.
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Good evening. Last year we were there together
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and unfortunately this year we weren't.
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I couldn't make it. You must be hanging.
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Yeah, I was tied up with some family.
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Things a few people that asked where's Ahmed?
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And I had, I had members of my family attend the event message
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messaging me saying why aren't you here?
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But I was with my other family. So, you know, I'm glad I'm not.
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How you keeping? How you doing?
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I'm OK bro, I haven't a lie. You know I was I was thinking
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when we when we thought about this topic yes, one of the
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things I know we talked about was the reason why we wanted to
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talk about this was because of the the dangers that face more
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dominion. You know, when when you lose
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your soul, it's usually for one of two reasons.
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Either you are someone who's heedless, you know, there's
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faithlessness in yourself. You know, you, you perhaps give
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in to the vice of, you know, hatred towards morality, hatred
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towards godliness or goodliness, you know, or which is a very
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atheistic point of view. Or potentially you are someone
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who does say you pray your son, who gives a cart and humps, but
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potentially you have love of this world and it hooks you at
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the end of your life, that addiction.
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And that's why we need the akin in ourselves, in our nerfs such
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that we don't fall into that trap.
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So in Charlotte today, we have brothers and sisters, a very
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special guest who is going to help us on this journey and
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allow us to prepare before the holy month arrives, joining us
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all the way from Virginia, USA, Salaam Alaikum, Sheikh Musfahan.
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Alaikum Salaam al Ahmatullah to both of you.
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Masha Allah Allah alaalah. Thank you so much.
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Big fan of your podcast that was an inspiration for us in
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Virginia to start something similar to yours.
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We cannot keep up with you Masha Allah but it's been a very good
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inspiration and shallah many communities can but if it then
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start doing similar like this so they can spread the teachings of
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Quran and halibut in sharp may Allah bless.
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You, we're also fans of your work.
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You've taken social media by storm.
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I think you've, as I say, most of our behind the scenes says
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you've cracked the code of the algorithm.
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So we learned from you as well. And in Charlotte, you know
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something We can as a community work towards improvement.
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We're way behind others. Definitely.
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So there's a lot to do and in Charlotte.
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I regret not starting two years earlier than when I started.
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I really regret every yeah why I didn't start earlier.
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When did you start your online? It was October 8th, 2023.
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Thank God that wasn't October the 7th.
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Yes, it was October 8th. It was intentionally no it.
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Just happened October 8th and every day again I'm regretting
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like I see how much people are in need of the teachings of
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Alibi and how much I get the DMS. That's the hadith of Alibi
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has changed people's life as I wish I would have done it
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earlier so we can get more people to become familiar with
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the hadith of Arabic. But the shala, they will accept
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it from all of us, and then we'll see what's going to
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happen. Shala Shala, just on this point,
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by the way, on the, on the work that you do, how come you chose
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this sort of work? Normally we we're used to seeing
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our scholars, our speakers, you know, maybe in the library or in
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a mosque setting, but you make it different, you make it
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appealing. It resonates like why did you
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choose this this style? Well, hadith of the Imam says
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Kelemunas al qadra al qulim talk to people to the level of their
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intellect. Well, right now we see our
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youngsters, their level of their intellect and their attention
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span. It's maximum minute.
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I've tried to even make it less than a minute, like 30 seconds,
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40 seconds. My cameraman says you still have
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time. I tell no, this is enough.
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So if I just grab their attention and I'll always
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thought about something new, always something new that nobody
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has done it because if somebody has said that, Hamdulillah,
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we'll let them continue for us to see whatever we can to meet
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the youth where they are. Yeah, and be appealing to them.
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Teachings of Arabic is very beautiful.
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But I remember one of our scholar who passed away,
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Ahmetullah, he said the West has very nice marketing.
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They bring a couple of pieces of metal, nice lighting, 1/2 naked,
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the opposite gender of us. They're presenting, and then
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they sell it. Yeah, us, we take our Islam, we
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put in a plastic bag and we tell, OK, here, this is Islam.
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You know, those black bag in Iraq and Iran.
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This is the way we do marketing. And of course people are not
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going to like it. Yeah.
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So imams of a debate have said to us, if they get to know the
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beauty of our words, well, the beauty of their words has to be
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presented in a beautiful manner in a beautiful setting.
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Maybe you have done something different, something new.
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New setting. Well, the same reason you did it
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was OK, let me just do something different.
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Yeah. There's a lot that I want to do.
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But you know, being a chef, he just still puts some kind of
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boundaries limitation and some. Difficulties in doing things.
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That you want to do. I can become reckless and was
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like, okay, no, you still calm down.
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You're still. But you know what, Chef?
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I think that's a good conversation to have.
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Maybe not today, but at some point, I think talking about the
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role of our scholars and those who are our leaders in faith in
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our community, the men of God. Do we work with and look up to
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and, and what we expect from them as a worm and what perhaps
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they expect from us and perhaps ways in which we can maximize
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and optimize each other. Because at the end of the day,
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you know, these are like yourself, people who have given
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years of their life, in some cases most of their life, all of
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their lives towards studying knowledge and teaching the
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religion of. Islam and you have done an
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amazing job again preparing the platform for people and the
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youngsters not only see the shares in the library or in the
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Masjid or Hussein no just having a normal casual talk and
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chatting about. Who were the four with have for
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example scholars on a podcast? Because podcasts have been out
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for years and if you go back 10/12/15 years ago and only
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recently I would say in the last 3-4, true pushing it five years.
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Not even five years. And now even like in the in the
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Middle East, in the Arab world, True.
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It's very cool. Yes.
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Bigger than the UK, yeah. We have to meet them.
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We have to meet them where they are yeah, yeah, this is where
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they want to be. See why not Likewise likewise my
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doors for. You I think a good place to
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start the conversation, chef is to talk about obviously on the
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on the back of the wiladit of Imam Azaman Ojala Allah Sharif.
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How to perhaps prepare ourselves for the holy month of Shahram
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Alwan in an internal sense, from the perspective of our souls,
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our Nefs, and to take inspiration from these days of
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celebration we've just had. Bismillah Rahman Al Rahim, I
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think Imam Zaman is looking for people who have gone through
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journey of self-discipline called Jihadun Nefs.
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And jihad enough is not something that we can start and
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we say, OK, we reached here and this is it.
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We accomplished and we were triumph.
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We leave it so learning from the life of Ali Musalam and their
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teachings and our scholars that this jihad is something that is
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going to be with us all the way our until our last, last breath.
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This is it. Then we can say, OK, we're done.
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We don't have to fight anymore. So it's something.
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The holy month of Ramadan is a very good place to start.
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Yeah, very, very good reason why.
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So we'll come to the definition of it because we have two
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enemies, one external Shaitaan, one internal nephthal, amarata
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bisu. So in the holy month of Ramadan,
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when we we know the hadith on the Crescent of the month of
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Ramadan appears, Shaitaan is chained.
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I heard this all the. Time so we are in a much better
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position right now. So we have to fight one battle
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not 2 battles ourselves. Our Nephs.
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So the only month we can say how many youngsters probably have
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heard it. Also, our Shetan is strong and
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it's defeating us as a lot are stronger.
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So holding month of Ramadan is a very good to start.
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The external is gone. So whatever I do as a sin, well,
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it's my fault. I cannot say I blame Shaitaan.
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Well, he was the one who deceived me.
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No Habib, you listen to your own that you didn't discipline and
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it's still taking you right and left.
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So it's a very good point to start holding month of Ramadan
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#1 #2 The reason, the second reason why it's important to do
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Ramadan, we are an advantage that we are doing, not doing
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things that are halal. We're not eating, we're not
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drinking. There's a hadith that seek aid
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against your NEFS and fight it with less food and less water.
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Because this is NEFS. You know, when we get invited to
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different party, different family event restaurant, we go
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one round our Neft says what? Yeah.
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And sometimes we would try ours definitely.
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So we nefts once, let me go for next round.
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It's OK. So this the more we feed our
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Nefts, the weaker we get and the stronger it gets and defeats us.
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So the holy month of Ramadan, we are saying no, even halal, I'm
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not going to eat, I'm not going to drink.
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We become more vigilant whatever we do.
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So the holy month of Ramadan is the best time to defeat our
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Nefts and take it under control. Take the leash when you got the
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leash after Ramadan, you know, OK, I was able to do it for one
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whole month. I was able not.
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My Neft tells me, you go right, you go left.
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You see this, you hear this, You touch this, you eat this.
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No, no, no. I was able to control it.
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After Ramadan, let me continue with that same practice on and
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on and on. I said to me, not sure I I
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really love that point you bring up on food.
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Yeah, as you were mentioning all this, I was thinking, OK, if
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someone eats Dolma, if someone eats too much, yeah, it's going
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to be a very raw example. I'm going to give true.
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Just imagine, for example, Yazid.
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Yeah, someone eats little. Imagine, for example, Imam Ali,
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Ali Salam. Because growing up knowing how
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for example, they ate true and look what happened to them.
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For example, Imam Ali ate less, whether it be a hot bread or be
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it just yoga, for example. And look how Imam Ali was in his
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life, Yazid and. What are we?
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True Eating the best of foods. Very true.
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Drinking the best of wine. I'm gonna look.
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How evil. Yeah, I'm gonna say to say
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you're. Gonna say eating with the.
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Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
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When I went, I went. I went, I went to the walk.
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I went to the walk with said Ali.
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Last year we had the blessing out of buying.
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We had the blessing to work with as Kefil TV, said Ali and I.
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And every time we stopped at Amokib to have a small bite.
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We can't say no. Someone puts in your hand, Said
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Ali will tell me, say Ahmed, you want to eat with Mari or pray
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with Ali every time. What is my witness?
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But anyway. I just knew if we ate more we
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can't work properly. You're right, you're right.
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Do you know shit? It's interesting because this
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discussion on food is interesting.
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Sharon Mavan We are meant to starve our bodies and feed our
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souls. Sometimes we end up starving
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both. I know.
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So what ends up happening is our souls become neglected and we
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end up fasting for no reason. There's a hadith if I'm not
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mistaken about the specific thing as well.
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When we look at the neffs itself, of course there are
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divisions, faculties of the neffs which which we are told
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that we have the AKA the Internet.
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We have covered the passion, the anger that comes with someone
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and Shahua, the desire. Sometimes we have a tendency to
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let 11 overpower. Another, no doubt.
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So for example, if I let my anger overpower my akal, then I
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become someone of ego. You know, if I let my shahua, my
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desire overpower my Akal, then I become someone who who has no
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foresight and gives in to anything spineless.
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Minimalistic part. Yeah.
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And I think it's interesting because our, our souls in many
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ways are climbing a spiritual ladder towards the last panel to
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either. And the point you mentioned and
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you referenced Iblis is a very interesting one because climbing
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that ladder, getting to the top and thinking I've achieved what
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I need to achieve and I don't need jihad enough now because
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I've I've, I do my mile and. I hear this a lot, sorry to cut
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you up. Like when we go to different
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communities like the older that's OK.
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Alhamdulillah, these lectures is specifically English lectures
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are good for youngsters. The example that everybody has
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told me, and I think it's something that they've been
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raised that they say our Iman is like a nail in a concrete, like
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our Iman doesn't shake. I look at them, I said who gave
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you guarantee that? Shaitan tells you OK, when you
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reach age of 4050, sixty halas, I'm not going to come to you.
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You took your Iman to that age house.
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I leave you. We have no guarantee.
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Of course, that's what makes it Jihad al Akbar compared to Jihad
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al Asghar as we know the famous story.
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Then Russell Allah came back with his companions from a
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battle there. He said OK, congratulations, you
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just finished Jihad al Asghar. Seriously.
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Body part, limbs, eyes, blood, death.
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This is the minor as a Jihad al Akbar madness.
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Why becomes Jihad al Akbar? See, in wars you have specific
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time, specific people and specific place.
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For example, I always bring the example of Iran and Iraq.
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There were eight years at war. So borders of Iran and Iraq,
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they were fighting group of people, specific time.
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For eight years they were fighting rest of the people in
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Iraq, rest of the people in Iran, they were not fighting.
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Or for example, when the West went to Iraq, rest of the people
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were not there. I mean, we lived in the West, we
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didn't fight. So again, group of people,
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specific time and place, Jihad and Nevs on the opposite makes
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it great because there is no specific time, there is no
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specific place and there is no specific.
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People all the time, every time. All the time, every time, every
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place. From the time that you become
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ballet, that jihad against your Nevs.
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Want something? You have to fight it, be it in
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America, be it in London, be it in Iraq, be it Iran, be
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American, be Iranian, be Pakistani, doesn't matter.
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It doesn't know any gender, it doesn't know any race, it
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doesn't know any space. It's all the time that we that
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makes us to be vigilant that OK, this is the war that I have to
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fight and make me mindful. I was reading a book called
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Mindfulness at the same time that I really enjoyed.
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It is a small book, you guys can read it.
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It's beautiful. I really enjoyed it.
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Very small book teaches you how to be mindful.
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Like for example, when you're sitting, like feel your toes,
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feel your hands, like be present because always we're eating,
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we're thinking about work, we're working, we're thinking about
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family, we're with family, we're thinking about work.
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So we are never present in where we are.
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I read a paragraph in it and asked you a sentence says I was
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really, really angry. He said one of the best religion
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that promotes mind, promotes mindfulness, is Buddhism.
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I was like, Oh my God, that shows we have not done our job
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to show. Look, we go through this jihad.
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This is mindfulness. I'm about to say something.
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Is this satisfies my nephs or no?
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I'm saying I'm about to go somewhere, I'm about to do
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something, I'm about to see something, I'm about to hear
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something. So you become mindful of
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everybody part. This is jihad, but they
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unfortunately, again, we haven't done it.
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I haven't shown people what exactly means jihad and the word
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jihad by itself and all the definition that comes with it.
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So it's something that we really need to practice it.
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And Charlotte Sharad, can I ask, you know, let's if I can focus
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on jihad and Neffs here. You know, I think many people
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listening and watching do have real struggles.
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I have struggles I'm sure. Everyone has their.
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Own Jihad and Neffs, right, but vans coming up and we want to
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maximize, as you said, you reference early on in your
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points. How do we train that Nefs to, to
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to, you know? Be consistent.
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Really struggle and consistent and, you know, have some
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routine, some discipline. How do we train that?
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1st, we have to become aware that we are sick.
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Our NEFS is sick. OK.
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If I don't think my Nephs is sick, that I need to.
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And the sickness doesn't mean that is weak.
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No. Sickness that commands me to do
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sin. Yeah.
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This is illness. Yes.
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Nothing promotes me toward good. No.
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A Mara Tobisu Nephsal. A Mara Tobisu commands us to do.
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And I have to come to realization that I have to fight
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if I think I'm good. Hamdulillah.
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I do my Salah. I do my song match this year,
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match this there when I come to this point that OK, I'm happy
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with where I am. That's dangerous.
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That is very dangerous. I'm within my comfort zone.
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Basically, I'm saying to Shaitaan, I don't think you can
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do anything to me or neither. My Nafs and I have opened the
18:30
door for the enemy to attack. I have left my guard down.
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No, the guard has to be completely up.
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So that's number one. Number two, we have to start
18:39
small. It's baby steps.
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The same way that Nafs and Shaitaan attacks us, we attack
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back. Let me tell you about the story.
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This is the NAFS. This is the way NAFS attacks us.
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So we have to like when you go to the battlefield, you try to
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find the strategy of the enemy to attack them back.
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There was this lady in a tent in the middle of the desert, and
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she had a camel. She used to take milk from the
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camel, and that was how she would survive.
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One day started raining. It's hypothetical, it's fiction,
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the camel told the lady. Can I bring my head inside?
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Inside a tent? She said.
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Well sure, it's raining outside. Bring your head down inside the
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tent. It's a very small tent for
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herself only. Yeah, the rain started pouring
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as London it is. Mashallah, you guys have a good
19:30
amount of rain. In this past one month in
19:32
London, probably I've seen only Suns 2 times or three times.
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I don't know how you live that. Honestly.
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But a castle majalis? The camel said, can I, you know,
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it's pouring, can I bring my right hand, just right hand, you
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know, my head and neck is already in, just right hand.
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She said, sure, bring the right, then keep pouring.
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My left, my right leg, my left leg.
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By the end of period of time, she was like a poster on the
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wall of the tent and the whole camel was inside the tent.
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When she he was already in the camel said you know what I'm
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trying to just move a little bit.
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I'm not comfortable. The whole tent was gone and the
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lady was without tent Shaitaan and our nap.
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This is the way they attack us. They will never tell a young guy
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go commit Haram with the opposite gender.
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Never stop with Allah. How does it start?
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A girl or a boy likes, gives heart or follows the opposite
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gender. Yeah, that's the first step.
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We let them in. And I told people like why you
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really get surprised. I mean your heart start beating
20:47
with when you see the opposite gender liked you or followed
20:50
you. Have you take it easy for
20:51
whatever reason? No, they have some intention and
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then slowly, slowly goes to Adm. How are you?
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What's happening? We said they slide in the DMS.
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There you go. And slowly, slowly your brother
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came to me. He's like, there's this girl at
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work. We only talk work related.
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We have only work related conversation.
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He says OK, I tell him, Habibi, you know what's first?
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How much work related talk is out there?
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Do this, do this. Clock in, clock out, bring here.
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That's it. This finishes.
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That's the beginning. Shaytan won't be happy with
21:29
this. And your Nephs, they said little
21:30
bit. Well, you know, at work we can't
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be like rude, come here, go here.
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We're not robot. Little bit of personal
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conversation, little by little bit, little bit it touching like
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this. Jokes comes in the middle.
21:44
Lunch breaks together. Lunch breaks, well, let me have
21:46
your phone number in case if you're home and I need something
21:48
at work, I can call you and and and and three dots.
21:54
You can fill in the blank. What happens at the end?
21:57
I'll see you 9 months from that day.
22:01
So this is the problem. So I should know it that
22:04
shaitaan comes to me. That's why a loss is between you
22:08
and Haram. Should be what?
22:10
Don't sit on a table where alcohol is served.
22:14
Why? Because it becomes normal.
22:16
Becomes normal. That's one step.
22:18
And a risk. And slowly slow.
22:20
There should be a barrier between you and Haram.
22:23
I remember when I was in high school.
22:25
I mean, we don't shake hand with the opposite gender, my teacher
22:28
said. So right now you think if you
22:29
shake hand with me, how else you're going to have some
22:32
feelings? She was old and I was young and
22:35
my English was broken English with a broken English.
22:38
I told her no, this is a barrier handshake.
22:42
Hug. And then down the road.
22:45
So from the beginning, to an extent, To an extent.
22:50
Islam says it's my crew for a man to sit on a chair that the
22:58
woman was sitting sitting before, and it's still warm.
23:02
It's my crew. Like how Islam is working on
23:06
prevention. Yeah, before cure, we tried to
23:09
get to cure. So right now, since I know with
23:12
this that he attacks me, let me attack him back slowly.
23:15
Yeah. My Salah is late.
23:17
For example, five hours from tomorrow I won't be able to pray
23:21
on time. It's not possible.
23:24
I'll make it 4 hours late, but I can make sure only four hours
23:30
delayed. One week, two weeks, make sure
23:33
I'm disciplined. 4 hours next month, 3 hours delayed next
23:39
month, two hours delayed until I make it on time.
23:42
Right now, let's keep it on time and as I mentioned earlier with
23:46
food is the best thing because NAFS really wants to eat and how
23:51
this is fight it. One of my mentor, he was telling
23:54
me about his father, one of our marriage, Maraja Dalit, he told
23:58
I don't say tell me about your father.
24:00
How was he that he was able to accomplish what he accomplished.
24:04
He says chef, when we would say that food, especially if part
24:07
time is going to come. You have some sweet dessert
24:10
date. He's like I could see.
24:12
I would see my father will go and take one date Zalabia
24:16
baklava and you know he's like I could I would see when he's
24:21
about to go, his hand goes for the 2nd and I see his second
24:25
hand brings him back. You're not going to take it.
24:30
You want to go. So he was able to accomplish
24:33
whatever he was able to accomplish because he controlled
24:35
his nafs. When you say no to halal, when
24:40
it comes to Haram, it becomes easy to say no to it.
24:43
But unfortunately halal we overdose.
24:46
Yeah, when it comes to Haram, which we struggled do.
24:49
You know, do you know what it is, Sheikh?
24:51
I think one of one of the things is we fall into this trap very
24:55
often, whether it's the opposite gender, which I think is such a
24:59
common thing, by the way, you know, like this, this, we've
25:02
spoken about it a lot, to be honest on the podcast.
25:04
But it's very easy. It's very easy to fall into this
25:09
trap. People like us in Hamden now,
25:11
you know, when you get a bit older, you're married, you have
25:13
a family. You, you look back and think,
25:15
oh, the youth, you know, they're doing things.
25:17
You know, it's, it's actually hard to restrain yourself from
25:21
doing that if you're looking to get married.
25:24
It's hard to resist money, you know, you think, oh, you know,
25:28
if I had that much money, I wouldn't buy fast cars.
25:31
Wait, you know, that's imagine if you're broke, like, you know,
25:34
when you're broke and it's hard to resist these things until
25:37
you're broke or until you're looking to get married and so
25:39
on. But that love of the dunya and
25:43
the, the, the, the trap that we fall, you know, sort of the
25:46
Yama, a last panel to other says Ballah calto hebbornal Agila.
25:52
He says no, but you, you, you have a love for this fleeting
25:57
world like the, the, the dunya, which is disappearing like
26:00
slipping like sand through our fingers.
26:03
You know, and Allah says that you, you give it up for the
26:06
akhara. And it's interesting for us to
26:08
know because in many ways our soul, sometimes we kind of
26:11
neglect it, in my opinion. I feel like we, we look at our
26:15
soul as something which is external to our thoughts, when
26:18
it really, in many ways it's very internal.
26:20
You could say in some ways it's kind of like a fetus in the
26:24
human body, right? What I mean by that is imagine
26:29
the human soul as a fetus inside the body.
26:31
So when a fetus is in the developmental stage, its
26:35
fingers, its eyes, its ears, its organs are developing, and the
26:39
mother of that fetus will have nutrients.
26:44
Maybe they smoke one day, maybe they're not eating properly the
26:47
development stunts of the fetus, right?
26:50
The fetus doesn't know this, doesn't understand it.
26:53
If anything, even if you said to the fetus your fingers will stop
26:56
growing now, I don't care. I don't need my fingers.
26:59
I'm in, I'm, I'm in the womb, I'm comfortable, beautiful.
27:01
Little do they know when they come out, they need these, these
27:04
core faculties that will be essential for them in their next
27:07
life. I think in the same way that's
27:09
kind of how we should approach this, because the refinement of
27:11
the soul. Our last panel to Allah has put
27:14
us here. The IL Beit Alayhim of Salaam
27:15
talk about the dunya in a way which is critical of the.
27:18
Dunya. And I think that we sometimes
27:20
misunderstand what the dunya is. I mean, I'm a man in and Nacho
27:24
Balaga. There's there's, there's a very
27:28
interesting part in Nacho Balaga in, in one of the the Hikma
27:33
where he walks past a man and hears him talking down about the
27:37
world. You know how we even in culture
27:39
nowadays, you say, forget this world.
27:41
I'm done with this world. I don't care about this life.
27:43
The Imam Ali Saddam says to him, he says, why do you talk about
27:46
this world? Has has it deceived you or have
27:49
you been deceived by yourself? And then he goes on to list a
27:53
few things. He says, have you never seen the
27:55
young turn old? Have you never seen the young
27:57
die? Have you never seen the old die?
27:59
Have you never seen people gain wealth and then lose it?
28:02
Have you never seen people gain Iman and then lose it?
28:04
Have you never seen the grey hairs appear in your head?
28:06
Have you never seen a body being buried in the ground?
28:09
And he goes on and on and on and he says, so do not say that the
28:12
world has deceived you. Surely you've been deceived by
28:14
yourself. So I think ultimately we it's
28:17
sometimes and I think this is the perfect time.
28:20
I really take a step back, take a breath, relax.
28:24
You know, it's very easy for us to yeah, easy for us to get
28:27
caught up in the calendar of Shahramadhan or I have it star
28:30
on the 7th and on the 10th I'm here.
28:32
We take with with we we approach it sometimes and maybe it like
28:38
in the wrong way. Meaning and the purpose, yeah.
28:40
We get distracted and we we don't realise that this month,
28:43
our last month to Allah has given us this blessed
28:45
opportunity for strife and struggle.
28:48
The path of Iman is not an easy path.
28:50
No doubt and. I think that is the whole point.
28:53
We're meant to struggle in this pleasant month so we can grow in
28:56
Sharma. You brought us to Hobbit Dunya.
29:00
There's a software I have called No Software that has all the
29:03
books of a hadith in it. You can search when I put Hobbit
29:06
Dunya, we have hundreds of hadith about the word Hobbit
29:11
Dunya. Yeah, hundreds of a Hadid.
29:13
Like I keep scrolling down and down.
29:15
I see books after books. What I grabbed from all of these
29:19
Hadid, Hobbit, dunya, Imam says makes you blind, mute and deaf.
29:26
Wow. And I saw this.
29:27
There was a social experiment in New York, Don.
29:30
It's on YouTube. We can see it.
29:31
Also, there's this young 8 years old kid in the cult of New York.
29:36
You guys, you think I have cold here in London compared to New
29:39
York, very cold. This kid is sitting in Manhattan
29:43
Times Square area, has a plastic bag wrapped around him and he's
29:48
shivering. And there's camera all the way
29:51
in the back just on this kid to see who will come and we'll do
29:56
something about this. Hours and hours, thousands of
30:01
people pass by him. Nobody do anything to him.
30:05
Nobody won't even see him. They become blinds.
30:08
They become blind. Everybody, they see these
30:11
buildings and these lights and all of these luxury.
30:15
This kid is really shivering after a couple of hours.
30:20
An elderly African American who's poor himself, but he's
30:24
wearing a jacket. He approaches him.
30:27
I said, what are you sitting here?
30:27
He's like, I have nothing to do. I have no clothes, no family.
30:31
He takes his jacket and he was wearing himself AT shirt, like
30:33
very ruined T-shirt. He said you need this jacket
30:36
more than I. He feels it.
30:39
He's aware he's not blind. He sees there's somebody sitting
30:43
around and is in need of it. And as soon as he's about to get
30:46
him, the cameraman's come and they told him, OK, thank you so
30:48
much. They reward him that.
30:49
I was like, no, I did this because it was the right thing
30:51
to do. So Hob Budonia really, really
30:54
blind us if we follow nothing wrong with this dunya.
30:58
One minute of this world, I will not change it for you.
31:05
We thought it's all about, he said.
31:06
In this dunya I can work for, but when I go to, there's no
31:10
more working. So we take advantage of this
31:14
dunya and it's time. It's not against luxury life.
31:17
It's not We have hadith about one of the best aids in for you
31:27
to be in obedience or loss of heart allies to be rich.
31:30
So nothing wrong, but don't be attached to it.
31:33
Well, that attachment is. That's the problem.
31:36
People really get attached my phone, my car, my clothes, my
31:41
shoes, my Airpod, my how maybe you have it one day, one day you
31:45
don't have it and you would be surprised that cases that they
31:47
come to me for counseling as far as marriage or parental or so
31:51
many. I can see how much they have
31:53
attachment to this world that one day they have it and they're
31:56
really blind. So when you become blind and you
31:59
become deaf and mute, you won't see hack, you won't see hack and
32:05
you won't hear hack and you won't say hack what we happen.
32:09
We see within the history, Saddam ladies.
32:12
And I tell him, have you introduced yourself?
32:16
Maybe they don't know. I mean that's it doesn't make
32:20
sense 30,000 people are here to kill you or what's Allah Tahala.
32:23
Maybe they really don't know you go introduce, he says.
32:27
I did but they don't hear it. Why Mella at Botton home their
32:33
stomach is filled so he's go back always go back to.
32:36
The food talked. About this a lot last week on
32:38
the podcast we had this discussion a lot yeah and said
32:41
Muhammad Barker cause Winnie my love bless him mentioned this
32:44
exact point he said that this Haram the Haram food
32:49
specifically comes from not just Haram meat Oh yeah the bi Hamid
32:53
yes specifically you know the money was.
32:56
Used financially, yes. He's not homes if the money is
32:58
not homes that you buy it eating Haram.
33:01
People don't understand it, they don't pay attention.
33:03
Imam is Amman come, but I'm not willing to give Sam Imam, which
33:07
is part of half of the homes, I'm not willing to give.
33:09
I'm willing to give you my life because I know he's not going to
33:11
come. Like in my understanding, I'll
33:14
just do the and forget about it. It really goes back to food.
33:19
Everything is about food and how we should discipline ourselves
33:25
that also no fasting in this whole month of Shaban.
33:27
Rajab and Shaban good two-month and just pass for people, but
33:32
you still have some couple of days left really take advantage
33:35
of month of Shaban was fasting after like you see throughout
33:38
the year every month 131415 Ayama build must have every
33:44
Mondays and Thursdays must have so not forget about Challas.
33:49
I did fasting. When I tell people other than
33:51
month of Ramadan, holy month of Ramadan, fast holy month of
33:55
Ramadan, we do it with a lot of difficulties.
33:58
Those who are addicted to coffee and to tea and smoking
34:03
cigarettes, it's so difficult. We get dizzy.
34:07
Unfortunately. Unfortunately, I'm blessed with
34:09
fasting. Fasting doesn't work on me.
34:12
Like I'm really, I really enjoy fasting.
34:15
I have to find something else to discipline my nerves like as
34:17
soon as I leave my wife, because when I'm with her and the family
34:21
and my kids, my wife. So I cooked this meal, this
34:23
meal. This made me fasting.
34:24
Don't fast. So I took this opportunity as
34:26
soon as I came to London. I'm fasting.
34:29
I eat a little bit. I really feel people when they
34:31
get to habit of fasting and eating a little, you feel much
34:34
lighter. Yeah.
34:35
And you start seeing things. You get clarity, you get.
34:38
Clarity. I've realized, you know, that's
34:40
that's very true. Like I think we're focused on
34:41
food so much. But let's say we've had a huge
34:43
meal. Yeah.
34:44
Like during the month of Ramadan.
34:46
Normally, you know, the idea is to eat less, but we're having
34:49
more than a human actually needs.
34:51
True. I think that's something I think
34:53
we should actually. We get lazy and it effects our
34:55
Ebada and then our sleep. Yeah, yeah, it becomes
35:00
counterproductive if anything. Unfortunately, so it's really
35:03
important in order. I've always told my youth in our
35:06
center and I will go open your eyes wide open.
35:09
There are a lot of signs of Allah everywhere.
35:13
We don't know. We want something a lot.
35:14
OK, this is my sign. Did you see it?
35:16
No, look around a lot in the Quran for our fuck well and
35:20
force like look in heaven's skies and there's a lot of signs
35:24
in you. When you open your eyes you will
35:26
see. Let me tell you a story.
35:28
It's related a little bit. One day my wife walked into the
35:30
house. She has some doughnuts and for
35:35
kids to eat. My younger kids, the last one,
35:38
Adi Hadi les Salem the 4th 1, he wanted to eat doughnuts.
35:44
My wife told him you wait, we eat lunch.
35:47
After lunch you can have your doughnut.
35:48
He was on the ground rolling right and left and I said no,
35:53
I'm not going to give you doughnuts.
35:55
I'm alhamdulillah has blessed me.
35:57
It's all to feel that I try to learn from every small letter of
36:00
things. I try to learn something because
36:02
things doesn't happen around of us coincidentally.
36:04
OK, it might this happen. No, no, there is a reason why.
36:08
By the way, I thought, well, we need something from a loss of
36:11
Hanoi Taala, a loss of happy. We eat your lunch, I'll give you
36:14
the doughnut that you want. He wants to give us the
36:17
doughnut. He wants to give us the do odd
36:19
that we want, but he says first do something that is important
36:22
for you, something that is good for you, and then I'll give you
36:25
something in. Rewarded.
36:26
Just wait, no, I'm just going to be crying and I'm not going to
36:29
do whatever I'm doing. No Habibi.
36:31
If we start doing jihad and neffs a little bit and you see
36:34
how Allah opens, yeah. And keep in mind, Shaitaan is
36:37
going to attack harder after Ramadan.
36:39
Yeah. When your Iman increases, he's
36:42
going to come back. And sometimes jihad and Nefs by
36:45
itself becomes poison for us. Because I walk outside, I look
36:50
at myself, I start becoming arrogant, See, I'm doing jihad
36:54
and Nefs, Yes, yes, yes, yes. And these people look at them.
36:57
They're not doing jihad and Nefs, of course, completely.
37:00
Defeats the purpose. Defeats the purpose 100%.
37:03
It's also spiritual exhaustion. After 30 days you have aid and
37:07
then you think, oh, I can take it easy now.
37:10
I've done one month. I spent hours in the mosque,
37:13
hours with the holy book. And celebration.
37:16
And I. Can kick back you know what they
37:18
say if if if you were crafting if this coming month was to
37:23
craft what your Arkana would look like, how would you make it
37:26
look if every action you did was building a home and for you in
37:30
the Arkana or damaging your home in Arkana, you know how would
37:33
you approach it? You know what I mean, say A.
37:34
100% You know, Schefner, you you mentioned the story of the camel
37:39
on the lady. You gave two or three other
37:42
examples and it's I, as you're speaking, I'm trying to like
37:46
dissect it and what I've understood that, correct me if
37:49
I'm wrong, just so that we can, I think, give more clarity to
37:52
people listening and watching Jihad and Neffs.
37:57
We said, you know, we can't blame Shaitaan for everything,
38:01
but what Shaitaan giving us these small doses?
38:04
Let's say, you know, we gave the example, for example, if you're
38:08
speaking with the opposite gender, you can start with a
38:10
smile, turn to a handshake, turn to a hug, and God forbid the
38:15
rest. But those doses, can we not
38:18
consider them or blame them on Shaitaan because we haven't
38:22
reached that stage yet, right? True.
38:24
Because during those stages, I think we haven't reached the
38:26
final point, if I can say, because we know it's Haram.
38:29
So what happens in between? See a lot of the Holy Quran.
38:33
He knows about these doses. He says at least 5 or 6 places
38:39
in the whole Quran. Yes.
38:42
He didn't say don't follow Shaitaan.
38:44
Don't know, Don't follow the footstep of Shaitaan.
38:47
Walk in this way. See for example here.
38:50
This is nice. I don't know if the cameras can
38:52
see this. Imagine there's this path,
38:55
straight path and there's Allah and heaven.
38:58
No Allah says don't take the first step here because this is
39:02
very slippery slope. If you take one step here all
39:07
the way down, just keep going straight. 11 hair out from the
39:14
hijab. Nothing wrong with it.
39:16
People are not wearing hijab at all.
39:18
So you're telling me if one hair is out Allah will just punish me
39:21
for this one hair? No one hair becomes 234 after
39:27
that. Well one layer of makeup, 2
39:29
layers. So I lost it from the beginning.
39:32
I know you can't. This is very slippery.
39:35
Stop. If you go class, it's dark and
39:40
it's raining and it's freezing and you don't see it, you're
39:43
going to fall into it because they see.
39:46
He knows us more than we know ourselves.
39:48
That's the problem. That's what makes it
39:49
challenging. He knows our weak point.
39:52
Maybe my weak point is my eyes. I can't stop saying hello.
39:57
Maybe my weak point is my tongue.
39:59
I cannot control my tongue. Maybe my weakness is my anger.
40:03
Yeah. Maybe my weak point is hearing I
40:06
do everything but music. You'll be surprised how people
40:08
are really addicted to music. Like they have to listen to
40:11
music you don't have. Like how I know the amount of
40:15
conversation that they try. How about this music?
40:17
How about if we do it this way so I know they are trying to
40:20
that's. So true.
40:21
Yeah, trying every. Way to basketball.
40:23
Now I see it from your perspective.
40:25
You see what I go through. So I told from the beginning.
40:28
And sometimes he will say you're harsh.
40:30
I say Habibi, start from the beast.
40:31
No, I know I've seen the end for many people and I've this people
40:37
in my community, they know me. I'm famous from this for this
40:39
quote. Learn from others experience.
40:41
Don't become experience for others.
40:45
I have seen so many experiences of people.
40:48
I've seen it and I'm bringing it for you for free.
40:52
I'm delivering this experience of others.
40:54
You want to go, it becomes express for others go.
40:57
But I know at the end you will come.
40:58
Come back to me and say, Sheikh, do you have any doll for me?
41:01
Too late, it's too late. Yeah, Allah's forgiving all of
41:07
it. But I have cases of people that
41:08
they want to Doha. There is no Doha for it in it.
41:14
You just have to go with it in like very severe cases.
41:18
So going back because he smoothened the path for us, he
41:25
doesn't make us his sister was like, OK, shaytan make us like
41:28
this. The whole Quran and they've
41:30
judgment. People say it was him.
41:31
It's just there was. Yeah, yeah, yeah, actually.
41:33
Yeah, yeah. Says no, no, I just showed you
41:35
the path you followed and I lost it.
41:38
I sent you. I sent you Alama.
41:39
I sent you am. I sent you prophets.
41:42
I sent you so many 100. They showed you the path and he
41:45
showed you the path. It was your decision.
41:48
Yeah. Which one you want to go with?
41:49
And I keep warning you. Warning you that is on my reels
41:55
some of these non Shia they mentioned why am I seeing Shia
41:58
post why I'm seeing I've seen a lot of them like they comment
42:01
why I'm Shia post. I put under that maybe Allah
42:04
wants to guide you. So I've seen posts where, for
42:07
example, a Shia video would go viral.
42:09
Yeah. And then half the comments is
42:10
like, don't listen, he's a Shia we.
42:14
Get we get a few 100 every day honestly.
42:16
So Allah, Allah will do he's, he wants to guide us.
42:22
Even you fall down, do not lose hope in Allah's mercy and Allah
42:30
have. But between hope and Raja, no.
42:34
I'm going to do whatever it is. Allah is going to forgive me.
42:37
I'm out of two years before my death.
42:39
I'll ask for forgiveness. So he knows he's doing wrong.
42:43
Deep down we know we're doing wrong if as much as I want to
42:47
justify it. So another action plan comes to
42:50
my mind when we put the time, when we put our head on sleep,
42:54
let me think about that day. What did I do?
42:58
What did I say, how much we've been given?
43:04
And mom says every day, hold yourself accountable.
43:06
You do good. Hamdulillah, hamdulillah,
43:08
Hamdulillah, you did bad right away so far.
43:11
So let's go to the next day. But typically when we were asked
43:16
people, sister, why don't you wear hijab?
43:17
Haj, When I go to Hajj, I come back, I will wear hijab.
43:21
I'm on a journey. Here though.
43:22
Are you guaranteed you're going to go to Hajj?
43:25
You're going to be alive until Hajj brother, why don't you
43:28
start Salah Shah? I'll go to Karbala, I come back,
43:32
I'll do it. Quran says that's that's the
43:35
weapons of Shaitaan. Inshallah 1 episode when I come
43:37
back to London, which I'm not sure, we'll talk about Shaitaan
43:41
and his weapons things that he does he tomorrow month of
43:47
Ramadan comes Halas I put everything aside and.
43:50
Then that's when they regret. Especially in Shahar Ahmadan,
43:53
the regret kicks in because you're every year, maybe it's a
43:57
good thing or bad thing, I don't know.
43:58
Usually the last five nights of Shahramadhan I start feeling
44:02
regret. I should have done more, should
44:05
have used more days, should have read more Quran and that kicks
44:08
in and have I wasted the month? You know, you start questioning
44:11
yourself. I don't know if that's a good
44:13
thing. Maybe Allah is giving us some
44:15
sort of acknowledgement that, you know, don't waste the time
44:18
you have, but maybe at the same time.
44:19
This is reflection man. It is good we have to do that.
44:22
We have to listen. Yeah.
44:23
And I think one thing is we have this tendency, look, I want to
44:26
kind of move the conversation to to people who are who are
44:30
performing and they are doing well, but want to find the
44:33
arcane. Yes, this is what I think is
44:35
key. I think for many of us who in in
44:37
Shar Allah, we're practicing and we're doing things and doing
44:40
things correctly but want to have your pain.
44:42
We may still be affected by you know this these tendencies.
44:46
Islam has a hadith where he says that all the blab Rashad Arjun.
44:52
He says that the the soil of no forgive me, let me just find it
44:59
pause. I just had it.
45:01
It's such a small thing. OK, fine.
45:09
Minute 47. Imam Salah al Islam has this has
45:14
this hadith where he says that this dunya is like a farm for
45:19
the hereafter. And my own interpretation of
45:22
that is you, if you imagine the soil perhaps as like your nerves
45:27
and the seeds, the seeds you put into that soil is your amalat,
45:33
your, your actions and what you're doing.
45:36
And whatever you're, you're growing, you reap the rewards of
45:38
it, or perhaps you reap the responsibility and the
45:40
punishment for it. And ultimately that's something
45:42
we, we fail to acknowledge, especially towards the end of
45:46
our lives. You know, there's always you
45:49
know, we have a lot of reminders and we hear in a lot of books
45:52
about people who are in the highest stages of Iman but may
45:57
may not have yakin and towards a latter stage of their life.
46:01
They have Chuck, they have doubts, they have regrets.
46:06
They they remember, oh, I forgot to do this and they write on
46:09
there and they will please do Niyaba for me and this.
46:11
And so how can we reach a stage of yakin because they could have
46:15
a last one to Allah is is something from birth to death.
46:19
How do we reach a stage where we don't fall short and we're in
46:23
the last moments of our life, whenever that may be?
46:26
We know that we will pass into the hereafter in in a good
46:30
place. Before answering you Yakin, you
46:33
mentioned something good points, which is that internal
46:37
conversation that we have with ourselves and we always this is
46:41
very good Nafsilawama always like why did you say this?
46:44
Why did you do this? The more we listen to it, the
46:48
stronger we get against our nefsal Amara.
46:51
So first time anybody who commits and first time they
46:55
really regret it. It was something that I really
46:57
wanted to know to know when people become mass murderers,
47:02
were they like this from the beginning?
47:04
No. First, maybe they kill something
47:07
small and they feel bad about it, but they did not listen to
47:09
their. Interview.
47:11
Slowly, slowly, slowly, he makes Saddam, for example, kills
47:14
millions of people and he just doesn't feel anything about it.
47:17
It can be all of us. We have one Saddam in US.
47:20
We have their own in us. We can become their own, but we
47:24
don't have the tools yet. So this NAFS is in us.
47:28
If I listen more to it, that takes us to yakin.
47:32
So everyday and whatever stage of Iman yakin certainty, it's
47:37
not that when we get there, we call us.
47:38
It's there no always room for improvement and I have to keep
47:43
double checking myself always, always double checking.
47:47
You know, when you do bar exam or like very, very important
47:50
exam, you keep double checking yourself.
47:52
You're sure you did everything. Let me just read it one more
47:54
time. Maybe I'm missing something.
47:56
So every day my Ahmad was this based on because our talk called
48:01
reliance will be tested. Our reacting will be tested.
48:04
Every day we're going to be tested.
48:07
So we should not think that OK, this chair or this island or
48:11
this color, colors, they have reached the level of Yekin.
48:13
If I reach this position, this is it.
48:15
I mean, it's safe. No, the higher the Yekin goes,
48:18
the harder the test. And if we fold and we see for
48:21
example, the example of Zubair Yekin, how look at his Yekin, he
48:27
is with Emeril Mohammadian. From the beginning.
48:29
Had, he says so many times, the calamities of the war would be
48:33
removed from the heart of Rasulullah by the sword of
48:36
Zubair. Yeah.
48:38
We haven't reached that level and then he's with I mean, when
48:41
we in the house when they attacked the door of Fatima to
48:43
Zara Salamullahu. But that probably he felt safe
48:51
and he was in the that your money, your wealth, your family,
48:55
your children are test. He didn't pass the test of the
48:58
children and mom says Zebra was safe until his son was born
49:02
Abdullah Abdullah Zebra because of his son.
49:04
He kept talking to his father and then last minute.
49:08
So these stories, Shaitaan Habibi, our good friend Shaitaan
49:13
6000 years only takes one thing, one incident of Takabur arrogant
49:21
in front of Wali Allah. Destroys you.
49:24
That's it. So when we read Quran, this is
49:28
what we have to reflect. When we read the hadith of
49:30
halibate history, we shouldn't just read it and move on.
49:33
No, every one of these is about increasing our opinion.
49:37
Dua is very important. I'm a karma clock.
49:40
I'm a little bit Imani Akmal Iman watch Ali Akini of the Ali
49:44
Akin ask me a lot to give me certainty.
49:48
I'll do whatever I can on my side.
49:51
I keep reminding myself everything's happening.
49:53
Allah is there, He's seeing it. He's the best of planner and I
49:57
need to keep saying it like affirmation.
50:01
I mean, it's beautiful. Like for example, between
50:02
parentheses, we have this affirmation that the West says
50:05
talk to yourself, you can do good.
50:07
Say it so you can hear it. We have this with our Hadith.
50:10
You stand in front of a mirror in the morning three times
50:13
Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar same way that you
50:21
made my appearance beautiful also make it beautiful and say
50:24
it. How do you say like say it so to
50:26
yourself and why you seeing yourself in the mirror so and
50:30
right now the word says about affirmation and those things and
50:32
everything, but we have it a lot asked Allah make me my akin and
50:37
let me test my akin. Well, in this place, I've.
50:40
I said, Imam says you won't reach the level of Iman and
50:44
Yakin until you hold yourself accountable.
50:47
Worse than business partner hold his business part accountable.
50:51
Yeah. How much we think about every
50:53
penny? What did you do?
50:55
Yeah. How much we gained, how much we
50:57
lost. Hesap.
50:58
Hesap, get up to the penny. Yeah, but when it comes to my
51:01
naps, it's OK. This was nothing.
51:03
This was nothing. This was nothing.
51:05
Will have it be my e-mail and your team will decrease.
51:08
Sense sense I have a a question. It may be a bit of a like a
51:13
sidetrack, sure, but on a touch on forgiveness a little.
51:17
We know we're speaking about self accountability, reflection,
51:21
struggle with the self. And when it comes to
51:24
forgiveness, the month of our last Ramadan, I mean a last one
51:28
of us has opened the doors of mercy.
51:30
We know this. He's so kind and merciful and
51:34
extra rewarding us to our the breath we take is reward sleep.
51:38
We sleep is reward. I mean, the reward is endless.
51:42
But I know many people. I personally know chef that many
51:46
people who repents during the month of Ramadan.
51:53
And as Ahmed said earlier, it comes, we go back to square 1.
51:57
Is there something wrong in our repentance because Ramadan is
52:00
just not too far away? Yes, I'm sure many people will
52:05
have something to seek forgiveness for.
52:07
Yes. How do we stop coming back to
52:09
that? Yes, number one Hadith says the
52:15
one who commits sin and keep doing estafar, he's mocking the
52:20
system, He's making joke of himself.
52:24
He knows about it. I'm going to do this.
52:26
I'm going to do estafar. Before continuing with this
52:31
discussion, I was telling some brothers and sisters today, I
52:34
said as much as we want a lot to forgive us, we have to forgive
52:38
one another. We have difficulty with that,
52:42
but yet they wronged me 100 times.
52:45
Well, I wronged Allah 1,000,000 time.
52:49
So how can I say Allah please forgive me?
52:51
But I'm not willing to forgive my husband, my wife, my brother
52:54
and my sisters, my parents, whoever.
52:57
So this hate is still in me. It takes me back again.
52:59
Yeah. I haven't learned from the life
53:02
of Alibi Alam Salam how to forgive.
53:05
So number one, let me start forgiving others the holy month
53:07
of Ramadan right now. If you, when you see this
53:10
episode, if you have people in your mind that you have not
53:12
forgiven, even if they have wronged you, Imam says.
53:16
IF22 more men, they fight one another and they get separated.
53:22
And this last three days, how many days?
53:25
Three days. Allah will remove His mercy from
53:27
both of them, the person said. One one is violent, one is
53:31
Maloum, he said. Madhum, the oppressed should
53:35
call the oppressor and apologize.
53:37
Allah, Allah. Where do you find this?
53:40
Where is this Dean? This is Islam.
53:42
This is the oppressed should call the oppressor and say I'm
53:46
sorry if I do this, this is jihad enough.
53:50
Yes, that I'm willing to forgive and Allah will help me after I'm
53:55
about. I won't go back to square 1 so
53:58
that we. Take that initiative.
53:59
Yeah, yeah, One laws with us. And mom says between these two,
54:02
the one who goes faster to ask apology, that will be the first
54:05
to enter heaven. So Allah is incentivizing us.
54:08
Just do it. Forgive me.
54:13
Forgive me, that's true man. It's a struggle.
54:16
This is very hard. Like especially the wife and
54:19
husband. Two brothers.
54:21
I know two brothers. Go ahead.
54:22
Sorry, Chuck, I was gonna say, especially on the marriage
54:24
thing. Oh yeah, it's a huge, huge.
54:27
Oh yeah. Because with with relationships
54:29
it's sometimes toxic. Yes, you know you love each
54:33
other to 1 extreme. I hate each other to 1 extreme
54:36
and and husbands and wives worldwide.
54:39
It's not specific to region or religion, you know you go from
54:43
up and down, but sometimes you sweep things under the carpet.
54:47
The next day you wake up and then you you carry on your bit.
54:50
You get busy with your marriage routine or whatever.
54:52
Life takes over. You forget to apologise.
54:54
Yes. But then it comes up again three
54:56
weeks later. You remember when this happened,
54:58
you didn't come back in the budget.
54:59
It just rebuilds and you're just adding something every single.
55:03
Time, no doubt. Do you see this a lot
55:04
especially? How do I know about it when they
55:08
come to me and they start talking and they haven't done
55:12
this kind of let me you guys are both married, but inshallah
55:16
behind the scene we have some people who are not married.
55:20
Noble wives. Inshallah when I do.
55:24
Got his catch phrase. He has a T-shirt saying noble
55:27
wife. When I do the nikah yeah I told
55:31
him I have gift. 2 advices. I have no money to give you.
55:35
Imagine if I have to give gift to every I have done.
55:37
I'll be broke a long time ago or probably guys will go for second
55:41
wife. In that case, I thought I have
55:44
two advices that this will be my gift.
55:47
If you practice it, it will be good until the last day that you
55:50
guys are together before death. I told them problems within
55:55
marital life is like spices within food.
55:58
OK, you need a little bit of it. Nothing blunt too much.
56:03
Only Pakistani people can eat it because I'm too spicy.
56:07
So a little bit is needed for the life to look tasty.
56:11
How can we minimize it? Number one I tell them lower
56:14
expectation for one another bring it to 00.
56:19
My point is about to 2nd for a jihad is the next one and keep
56:23
it 0 because a lot of issues I've seen throughout this years
56:27
and years of marriage counseling and my own 20 plus years of
56:30
marriage. A lot of problems happened
56:32
because of expectation. That takes again jihad and
56:37
nephs. I'm expecting my wife to do XYZ.
56:41
This is nephs. My nephs wants me my wife to do
56:44
this. She doesn't have to do it.
56:47
My wife's nephs wants her husband to do XYZ.
56:52
Yeah. City white nephs no for example
56:55
with me I kind of little bit I have OCD little bit everything
56:59
has to be perfect right now this table is cricket it walks on my
57:02
nerf it just bugs me yeah so imagine with four kids and the
57:07
house Oh yeah nothing it's. Easy for you.
57:11
Nothing. You have to each and.
57:14
That's. Four of them, my poor wife, my
57:17
nephs was OK. You come home.
57:18
Your wife is not working. Will she be better at taking
57:21
care of the house? That's Nafs.
57:24
I come home. Everything is everywhere.
57:27
Until now, they just didn't have.
57:28
They haven't touched my toothbrush.
57:29
That's only everything else, my socks, everything.
57:34
Everything's touched for everybody.
57:36
So this comes to how that I go inside the house.
57:39
I'm tired, I'm exhausted. I have learned from a hadith of
57:42
Alibait that you go and start helping.
57:44
My nap said come on, just leave it.
57:47
I'll do jihad, I'll do it. So that's the first.
57:50
Keep it 0 second, I tell them once a week, sit together, not
57:54
in the bedroom. Have a cup of coffee, tea, juice
57:57
in the dining hall. Tell 5 things to one other that
58:01
you appreciate very. Nice.
58:04
Because when they come together, I did this for you, I did this
58:08
for you in front of me. So I know this thing piled and
58:11
the other person has not acknowledged it.
58:13
I did this for you, I did this for you.
58:15
And hours and hours they chew my brain telling one another what
58:19
they have done. Good.
58:21
So Habibi sit together 5 things. So when the person sees it that
58:25
you acknowledged it, they will do more until one of the five
58:29
things that you disliked. Just don't communicate that I
58:34
did not like this apologize, which becomes very difficult so
58:38
it won't pile up and pile up and pile up to end up with divorce.
58:42
I didn't like these five things and you see how it would reduce
58:47
this was out of the topic after micro podcast has to pay extra
58:50
for this after topic. This was marriage counselling
58:53
had nothing to do with this. So I bill you separately so.
58:56
Similar to like when they come from the car.
59:02
So forgiveness, asking for forgiveness and forgiving other
59:05
people and not losing hope in a loss of heart.
59:08
Beautiful. Amazing, amazing.
59:11
Because I feel like I want to start a new conversation because
59:14
in my mind I have so many questions all I'm just going to
59:17
add here or not even add, but just maybe recognize from
59:21
something you've said when you do this, have you ever done this
59:24
exercise aid this like I appreciate you did XYZ.
59:27
I haven't, yeah, personally. I've done it.
59:31
But has happened my wife once or twice has.
59:34
Yeah, so I've had this, I've I've, we've, I've tried this.
59:37
Good. It's not a routine thing.
59:39
Yeah, but yeah. Sometimes my wife will say,
59:41
Ahmed, I like how you did this, this and this, and I'll I'll say
59:44
the same. Yeah, maybe bad for my ego, but
59:46
I'm shocked. Yeah.
59:48
I didn't know I did something and like I didn't even know I
59:51
went out of my way. I've I've had this question
59:54
since we're sharing, for example, what 5 things you like
59:57
that I'm doing or five things like you want different.
1:00:00
Yes, I like the. Similar.
1:00:01
Yeah, yes. But you know what?
1:00:02
I think that it's so healthy because you realize not just
1:00:07
what you did good, but what your partner wants.
1:00:09
And you discuss in peace. Yeah, and you?
1:00:11
Recognize you. Recognize your partner's, your
1:00:14
partner's, you know, what they want to see in their spouse.
1:00:18
You hear that through their, through their feedback in their
1:00:21
comments. They're, you know, what they've
1:00:22
recognized in you, what what they've spotted.
1:00:25
I like how you, I know you had a difficult day at work, but I
1:00:28
like how you came home and you helped with this and that, for
1:00:31
example, you know, and. You helped acknowledgement.
1:00:34
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah that. Helps with the muck for the
1:00:37
element as well. Then when you want to forgive
1:00:39
each other, you have softness for each other.
1:00:41
The rest of the day becomes nicer.
1:00:42
And so anyway, back to an object.
1:00:47
It's it's we've, we've gone on a tangent, but I think it is still
1:00:50
very well, very really, because the month of Shahramadhan is, is
1:00:53
mercy from a last Fontana, but also amongst ourselves.
1:00:56
Have mercy amongst one another, Habibi Hammerman filled out
1:00:59
Yeah, Hammer command first summer.
1:01:00
Have mercy upon the one on earth.
1:01:02
Allah will have mercy upon you. That's true, a sense of shit.
1:01:05
And I know, you know, we're speaking a bit about Ramadan
1:01:09
marriage relations. I'll ask one question that comes
1:01:12
to Ramadan when it comes to husband and wife, for example,
1:01:16
this is an observation and I knew like we had discussions
1:01:21
that were going to have you in Charlotte on the podcast.
1:01:23
So this was a question I was going to ask you regardless at
1:01:25
the end. And now I think it fits well the
1:01:28
month of Ramadan. Normally we find, for example,
1:01:32
the majority of the women at home, they're always in the
1:01:36
kitchen preparing the foods, preparing the house.
1:01:40
Maybe relatives are coming over and laws are coming over,
1:01:43
friends are coming over, bigger star, a big feast.
1:01:46
And I feel like as men we don't do enough outside of Ramadan,
1:01:52
let alone in Ramadan. Would you advise men, chefs to
1:01:57
take parts and preparing a star? Yes, during this holy month.
1:02:02
Because then when we come home, we're like, I'm fasting.
1:02:05
Yeah. Yeah.
1:02:06
For your wife is fasting as well.
1:02:08
True. Well, I'm not in the position to
1:02:10
advise. We all, we all take advice from
1:02:12
the Hadith Bhai. One day Amir and Momini Salahu
1:02:18
Salam Ali was sitting next to Fatima.
1:02:19
It is Zahra in the house and he was cleaning lentils, you know,
1:02:25
back in the days. But even right now, some part of
1:02:29
Middle East, you buy the lentils, they're not clean.
1:02:31
So you put it in a tray and you start bringing down and you just
1:02:34
take all the small little pebbles and anything.
1:02:36
So I'm Mural Mormini. He's sitting next to Fatima Zara
1:02:40
cleaning lentils. Russell Allah tells him.
1:02:43
Yeah. Yeah.
1:02:43
Ali, there's about 3 pages hadith about the reward of the
1:02:48
husband who helps his wife in the house, that your name will
1:02:55
be written in the book of Shahada, Your name will be
1:03:00
written in the book of Sadiqeen. The amount of your hair, how
1:03:04
many hairs we have in our body, we don't know.
1:03:06
Thousands for every hair. It will be the reward of one
1:03:11
year. Ibadi, fasting all days and
1:03:15
night to hedge it, helping vacuuming for example, I'm in
1:03:20
the house, I can't cook, I don't know how to cook.
1:03:22
I know how to cook rice with Hakaka as like this is my
1:03:26
special in Charlotte. These would love to everything
1:03:33
every day I'm cooking rice because I like I flip the pot
1:03:36
and you have this crispy nice. I can't get there.
1:03:39
I'm special in it, but everything else I am completely
1:03:42
ignorant, but I know how to wash dishes.
1:03:45
So my wife goes. She does whatever she does and
1:03:47
Mashallah, she cooks all of this thing, and then she leaves.
1:03:51
I roll the sleeves, dig into the sink.
1:03:53
You choose to do it. I love to do it.
1:03:55
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I know the reward.
1:03:57
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Again, it's 3 pages.
1:03:59
It's like you have freed 1000 slaves, you have given 1000
1:04:04
dinar goals for the sake of a loss of just helping without
1:04:08
arrogant, without show off. No, you just doing it.
1:04:11
No expectation of return. Not at all, of course.
1:04:14
So that is my job. Hamdul as honest to fit.
1:04:17
So this tawab, these mini tawab are there.
1:04:19
Let me just get it. Vacuuming is my job.
1:04:22
I love vacuuming because you can see like there was dirty and
1:04:26
this nice like you just vacuum it.
1:04:27
Explains the OCD. Yeah, and my second son is also
1:04:33
like me. Like when we do cleaning, we
1:04:34
just like detail cleaning. He removes the carpet, he goes
1:04:38
under the couch and he's like, Hamdallah, you've done a job.
1:04:40
And laundry, There's some stuff that I can do.
1:04:43
I cannot cook, but I can do this.
1:04:45
Give you guys a reminder. You go remember in our last
1:04:48
studio, there was a brief period when Chef's father was staying
1:04:53
in the studio. Yeah.
1:04:56
And the place was spotless. Yes.
1:04:58
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I've.
1:05:00
Learned about my father Yeah, I learned about my father anywhere
1:05:03
we go. Like if you just give me after
1:05:04
this, give me 1015 minutes lol I enjoy cleaning this.
1:05:11
No, organize it, put it like. Make sure the chairs and the
1:05:14
tables everything is. Say, I say this so much of all
1:05:17
the time, by the way, as I say, do you think too much?
1:05:19
Just find a camera. No, it's just personality.
1:05:23
I mean, and it is, it's part of Dean.
1:05:26
I mean, Rasul Allah, he's in the grave, he's burying someone.
1:05:28
And you know, they put the lad, that piece of stone one after
1:05:32
one, and they cover it with mud, all the corners.
1:05:36
Rasul Allah with his blessed finger, he was covering all the
1:05:39
corners, didn't Rasul Allah Right now we're going to put
1:05:41
dirt on him and Kalas is gone. Rasulullah's mercy be upon the
1:05:50
person who does the job, and he does this the best.
1:05:53
So you clean, you do the best, you do podcasts, you do the
1:05:56
best, you lecture, you do the best, you work, you do the best,
1:05:58
you cook, you do the best, you clean everything, you do the
1:06:01
best. And the last mercy will be upon.
1:06:03
US sounds beautiful. I've never heard it this way.
1:06:09
We've always said, you know, try to help as much as you can to
1:06:12
hear it this way. This is an. 3 pages Tawa.
1:06:15
It's a lot of tawa. Definitely share this with me.
1:06:18
And Charlotte? With both of us, go home and get
1:06:20
my rubber gloves. Actually before.
1:06:23
Honestly, I'll probably get kicked by my wife for saying
1:06:27
before I came here, I did the dishes, I did the laundry.
1:06:32
No, but you know what those I have the same set of skills as
1:06:35
you. I think my rice is good.
1:06:36
My hakaka is good. I can't cook anything else good,
1:06:40
but I like doing the hands on jobs.
1:06:42
But and do you know what if if I'm on it and this is maybe for
1:06:45
the for the for the men out there, for those of us who are
1:06:49
busy, you have family, work, community commitments.
1:06:54
You're trying to make everyone happy.
1:06:55
You're thinking about this bill On this date to pay and for me
1:06:59
on a personal level, when, when, when I have that down time and
1:07:02
I'm doing dishes or loading the laundry or anything, I use that
1:07:06
time to reflect therapeutic time.
1:07:09
I'm either doing my Arabic class, I'm listening to a
1:07:12
podcast. I'm just thinking about
1:07:14
something catching up with myself.
1:07:16
We don't. We don't.
1:07:17
Same here. Like when I watch dishes, I'm
1:07:19
putting Zara jam al Kabir. I listen to that and then.
1:07:21
Going for a while. And then lecture one or two
1:07:23
lectures. But see also, let's see the
1:07:26
expectations. Some people have more free time.
1:07:28
Their job is whatever you can do bare minimum.
1:07:32
Do your best. Like when you come home, at
1:07:34
least don't be a burden. That's the very minimum.
1:07:37
Like I put my own clothes its own place.
1:07:39
I I go to the bathroom, I make sure I wash the bathroom looks
1:07:42
I'm already in it like I'm taking shower.
1:07:43
Let me just wash the bathroom. So whatever I can do as I can
1:07:46
go. I'm not saying to just tell us
1:07:49
leave your job and just come home and just help.
1:07:51
No, keep that in mind that I need to do this because of
1:07:55
Tawab. Whatever I can do, just
1:07:58
appreciate. It I.
1:08:01
Wish we had more more, more of our Alama who was.
1:08:03
So open about this. Alhamdulillah.
1:08:05
It's an honour Tofiq. It's all Tofiq from a loss of.
1:08:08
Thank you so much. And we started in one place
1:08:11
today and we ended somewhere else.
1:08:13
But Balak and I think we, I think said you'll agree this is
1:08:17
a discussion we wanted for a while and it's it's been so
1:08:21
comfortable and. I'm honored, I'm honored to
1:08:25
serve. I'm really inspired by you
1:08:28
literally by this podcast and I know it's not an easy job behind
1:08:32
the scene in front of the scene coming late early trying to take
1:08:37
your time for this. You have the trophy.
1:08:40
I pray that a lot increases your trophy hot and serving the cause
1:08:43
of albeit and spreading their knowledge to youth and one
1:08:47
individual gets guided with one of these episodes is better for
1:08:50
you than the everything in this. World, can I ask what last
1:08:52
question? What your plans for the Holy
1:08:54
Month? Holy month of Ramadan's first
1:08:58
half, I have not committed yet. I'm trying to see what I'm going
1:09:02
to do because there's a lot of things happening in my life
1:09:04
right now. Second-half, I'm committed for
1:09:06
lecture, Sha Allah, I'll be in New York if I was alive, but
1:09:12
it's all about giving back to the community, inshallah.
1:09:15
Long may you live the long may you serve.
1:09:17
Likewise, I said a bit earlier before the podcast.
1:09:19
Likewise until the great. Likewise, inshallah, all of us,
1:09:22
we love you all the topic. Ajmain, thank you so much.
1:09:25
I'm honored. Thank you.
1:09:26
They love bless you Bruns sisters.
1:09:28
I'm sure you'll agree this has been smashing, smashing episode
1:09:32
really needed seven heavens. Yeah, 7 heavens.
1:09:34
I said so. And listen, we only have one
1:09:37
more podcast before the holy month and Inshallah next week,
1:09:41
we're going to go go into a bit more of a deeper dive as to how
1:09:44
we want to approach the holy month as a team and obviously as
1:09:48
individuals and shot Allah, which is going to be a great
1:09:50
conversation. I'm looking forward to doing it
1:09:52
as well and catching up properly with the say it.
1:09:54
And yeah, thank you again so much.
1:09:57
Thank you so far. Make sure you follow the share
1:09:59
on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube and shout any shout out social
1:10:04
media stuff. I mean, you already said that
1:10:07
Hamdellah, we can spread the knowledge about.
1:10:09
It really appreciate the time checking out and everyone at
1:10:11
home. Leave your comments below.
1:10:12
Let us know what you thought of this episode.
1:10:14
How do you connect with our last partner to Aila in this coming
1:10:18
blessed month? How do you refrain from doing
1:10:20
Haram and work on yourself and and improve that struggle?
1:10:23
We want to hear your suggestions, your thoughts and
1:10:25
ways in which you know we might all be able to benefit from and
1:10:28
improve as well. We look forward to seeing you
1:10:30
next week. Take care else and what I like.