Latest / The Birth Lounge Podcast / Ep. 483: You Can Google Everything and Still Feel Completely Alone: Building Your Village Before Baby Arrives with Nina Spears, Founder of Baby Chick

Transcript

Ep. 483: You Can Google Everything and Still Feel Completely Alone: Building Your Village Before Baby Arrives with Nina Spears, Founder of Baby Chick · The Birth Lounge Podcast

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Yes, we have more information now than our parents and our grandparents and our great-grandparents.
Mm-hmm.
But what we gave up for that was the village.
Look how isolating motherhood is today.
And, you know, decades ago, centuries ago, motherhood used to be this communal event, and it would be like It was almost like a induction into a new group.
Hello and welcome back to another episode of The Birth Lounge Podcast.
Let me ask you something.
Have you gotten your hands on my free download of my non-toxic baby registry list? It's all of the things that I put on my personal baby registry, and I spent hours, like 60-plus hours, exploring, researching, deep diving, rabbit holing into every single thing that went on this baby list.
I was really intentional about everything that I put on.
Number one, I didn't want to just get a bunch of stuff, because I personally believe that You know, I don't necessarily identify as a minimalist, but I also do believe that babies come with a lot of things, and people love to just gift you stuff when you have a baby.
However, I didn't really want my house to be filled with just a bunch of stuff, so I was very intentional about the things that I put on there, and if there were tools and gear and things that could have a multipurpose in our home, then I went with that.
Number two, and probably even more important, is I was incredibly diligent about the toxic load of each product, and that's why it took me so long.
That's why I spent 60-plus hours exploring every single product.
And when I say every single product, it wasn't just the products that are on there, it was so many brands of that same product.
So I'm talking car seats, strollers, bottles, bottle washers, swaddles, sheets, baby washcloths, baby baths, all the things that you need or that make life easier when you have a baby.
But I didn't want a lot of forever chemicals and microplastics.
And if you don't know anything about silicone, the US standard of silicone doesn't even meet the silicone requirements for pig troughs in Europe.
Yeah, you heard me right.
I'll say it one more time because it's absolutely sickening.
The silicone that we use in the US that passes US standard does not even pass the standards to be used for farm animal feeding troughs in Europe.
Sick.
So I just wanted to make sure that not only was I investing in quality products, I was only getting the gear and the tools that I truly needed, but also I was reducing my family's toxic load at the same time because our little ones are so sensitive and their little bodies are just learning to be on the outside.
And so I wanted to make sure that everything that my baby came in contact with was the lowest toxic load As possible.
So head to thebirthlounge.com
and you can find my baby registry at thebirthlounge.com/registry.
So you're just gonna type in thebirthlounge.com/registry,
and you will be able to download my full list of everything that I registered for, and I put little blurbs about why I chose that product and what made me go with that exact brand because it was low tox and a good investment Okay, you can read all the books, you can listen to all the podcasts, you can make all the birth plans, take all the classes, buy all the baby stuff, have a million page registry, and you still actually haven't prepared for the moment where you're like, "Wait, why did nobody prepare me for this part?" And that part is different for everybody.
But because we have so much information out there now about pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and parenting, like, all at our fingertips, it's just right there in our back pocket This has made, like, becoming a parent and parenting seem a little harder in my opinion.
Today I'm talking with Nina Spears, the founder of The Baby Chick, all about what women wish they actually had prioritized in birth and postpartum.
Maybe the things that we actually prepare for don't matter that much and the things that actually do matter, we're really not thinking about them in the ways that we should Nina and I are also gonna talk about the mental load and how that even starts before your baby is even born.
Really, as soon as you see those pink lines on a pregnancy test, I feel like the mental load starts then Not only that, but the conversations that you are going to have and also need to be having.
So need to be having with your partner, with your doctor, with your doula, with your family, with people in your life that are gonna be there to support you.
In the conversations that you're going to have, well, all the people who tell you, "Just wait," and they love to just throw in the stories of how sleep deprived they were, and it's the advice to build your village.
But when you don't live around your family, where do you find this village? Is the only way to get this village to pay for it? Does the village even exist anymore? Nina and I are talking about all of that.
I think for so long a lot of us thought more information is better, but now we're starting to enter this era of information overload.
Because when you get 400 different opinions on one parenting decision, some of them you asked for and some of you didn't, honestly, you can't even, like, log online and check in with your friends.
You can't even finish your morning coffee without being inundated with opinions.
So more information obviously is not always better.
So how do you figure out what actually matters? How do you prepare for your baby and your postpartum experience for your labor and delivery without actually completely overwhelming yourself and then entering that shutdown mode? I'm so excited that Nina is here to help us put some of these things in place before your baby comes.
So without further ado, Nina, welcome to the show Hi, HeHe.
It's so great to chat with you.
Again.
Again.
You're...
I guess I actually should have said welcome back to the show.
No, this is my first time being on your show.
You've been on mine.
Oh, really? And so this is...
Yes, girl, this is my first time being on- What? -The Birth Lounge.
I am so excited.
That doesn't seem right.
It's the truth.
Oh my gosh.
Well, inaugural Nina appearance- -on The Birth Lounge show.
Although, I feel like you've been on the show before.
Oh my gosh, well, now I'm a little embarrassed that I haven't had you on the show before.
But what good timing, because you just published a book, which I don't wanna dive into that right now, 'cause I want people to stay to the end and we're gonna talk about your book and all the good things that come in that.
But today's episode, and I, I talked a little bit about this in the opener, but, um, you know, as moms, it can feel really overwhelming to scroll on social media, and you want to, right? It's like you- Totally get to the end of the, a long day and you're like, "I just wanna sit on the couch, check out.
I just wanna mindlessly, aimlessly scroll for a little bit."
But when you do that, you kind of also slip into this realm of like, holy information overload.
It's just like, holy mackerel, all this stuff, like, um, should I be feeding my baby pouches? Like, maybe I shouldn't be sitting this way.
Oh my gosh, is a belly band a good idea or a bad idea? I didn't ask my doctor this at my last appointment, and that was my last week's appointment, so now do I have another chance to ask them in, in an upcoming appointment? Did I miss my chance? And I feel like sometimes sitting down to scroll starts off as a way to disconnect and just kind of debrief from the day, and it can actually spiral you into a place where you're starting to kind of overthink things.
And so I think, you know, hence the name of, of today's episode, Information Overload in Motherhood.
It feels It almost feels like where do you turn, right? Yeah.
Mothers are eager to get this information.
They really want to be making the best choices for themselves, and their bodies, and their birth, and their babies, obviously.
All mothers want to make the best choice.
But then it goes back to like, where do we ask these questions? How do we get this information from reputable sources? Where do we find the information that's longer than just 90-second clips, right? I feel like everybody has these folders on TikTok, and Instagram, and social media, where you've saved hundreds of posts.
Like, "Oh, that was a great post.
That caption had so much information in it."
Or the worst one for me is, like, recipes.
I'm like, "Oh, that's a great recipe.
I'm just gonna save it and come back to it," and I've not made near one of the recipes that I have ever saved on Instagram.
And I find that a lot in childbirth education too.
People come to me and say, you know, "Oh, yeah, I think I saved a post about that on Instagram."
And it always makes me chuckle because it's kinda like What are all those saved posts doing? Nothing, right? And how much can you possibly learn in a 90-second clip on, on social media? And so I'm really excited to dive in today's topic because I think this is something that a lot of people are feeling, except it's not a topic that a lot of people are covering.
We all are just kind of living in this ambiguous space of, like, more information, more information, more information, and we're like, "Yeah, give me the information," and then there's no way to actually synthesize it or use it.
So when you think about information overload in motherhood, what comes up for you? Oh my gosh, all the things that you just said.
And because it is so overwhelming.
We're living in a time where we have access to more information than any generation before us, especially with social media.
And- Which is great.
I mean, we love that, right? Like- Totally I do love that I have access to more information than my parents had- Yes or my grandparents had.
But with that comes, like, almost a burden, if you will.
Yeah.
And I don't want to sound ungrateful.
It's so overwhelming.
Yeah.
It's not...
Yeah.
No, definitely.
Like, so grateful that we have this information, because knowledge is power and we're able to make, like, more informed choices, and love that.
But oh my goodness, when there's so much information that you are, like, combing through, it can be extremely overwhelming, and it's almost like another, you know, boulder that we're having to carry through motherhood.
Our previous generations never had to experience that.
They just listened to their grandmothers, their mothers, their aunts, their friends, and that was the information that they had.
And obviously, like, their professionals, like their doctors and whatnot.
But oh my goodness, now it's everybody.
Like, not just your neighbors and friends and sisters and all of that.
You are listening to s- Debra that's in a different state.
You're listening to all these...
It's so much.
And then having to also realize, okay, is this factual information? Like, where am I getting this information from? And then am I surrounding myself in this echo chamber of, like, the exact same information? Is this evidence-based? Is this...
And then also, sometimes it can be really- polarizing.
Like, you'll have one side that's extremely drastic, one certain opinion, and then you go into another one and, and so when you're hearing all of these different things, it can leave you just, I think, frazzled.
And like, "Okay, what is best for me?" And having to really think to yourself like, "What are my values? What are my preferences? Am I getting this from a reliable source?" And then trusting in yourself that like, "Okay, thank you for this information.
I need to just take everything with a grain of salt and do what is best for you."
But I- I've noticed that working with families, oh my gosh, they are so overwhelmed with all of the information, and they really just, whenever I talk to them about it I'm like, "Just try and find a couple of people that you really do trust, that you like their information, you like their style, that they have similar, you know, values as you, and then go to them with, when you're looking for that information."
Otherwise, oh my gosh.
Other stuff I get it.
Like, it's like chewing gum for the brain.
It's like turning on Netflix and watching a show, scrolling on social media.
I get it.
It's like, like you said, a way to unplug and just, ugh, consume content.
But oh my gosh, all of that information can be just extremely overwhelming, and then make you feel guilty if you decided to go in a different direction, you know? Yeah.
I feel like social media's changed too.
Do you remember when social media was just like pictures- and like showing what your life was, and like sharing the positive moments? And now I feel like social media has become not social media.
I feel like it's become an educational platform or just a sales platform.
Like- Yeah every single person on social media now has a business or they are pushing a product.
I mean, and you and I are in that, right? Totally, yeah.
It's like we're, we're totally in that too.
But I do, stepping out of my business owner brain and my doula brain and my HeHe brain back into, like, me as a human brain, I do miss the social aspect of it when- Mm scrolling was not just, like, being sold to or constant learning.
And I feel like that has contributed sometimes to why it doesn't feel like an unplug, right? You can no longer just go on social media and see, like, someone's July 4th barbecue or, or someone's, you know, picnic from the weekend or their 10-year-old's birthday party or an update from their mom's, you know, cancer journey that's positive.
Like, it's genuinely just, like, all education.
It's all being sold to.
It's all, you know, I guess consumerism.
It's, you know, buy these shorts.
This is the greatest Easter dress.
Like, oh my God, I wouldn't be the same without this strapless bra.
You gotta get your hands on it while the sale lasts.
Like, and I just...
You know, for me, it does kinda g- point, or it, it brings up the question, I guess, for me of like, well, where do moms go to disconnect? You know, if everything online is always, like, on, always, like, putting into the brain, where do we go as moms to kind of, like, disconnect and, and get back in touch with ourselves? Oh my gosh, that is where I think...
Well, there's so many ways that w- uh, we all like to disconnect in different ways.
Like, as an extrovert, I like to socialize with people.
That actually fills up my battery, and I'm like, "Oh, I need these female friendships."
And I love supporting other women and hearing their journey and, and being there for each other.
But I know that there are a lot of people who are like, "No, I would like to be by myself or in my tub reading a book or whatever," and that's lovely, too.
I think we all need a bit of both.
But yeah, when social media is just overwhelming I'm...
I go then old school.
I'm always like, "Have you moved your body today?" Mm.
Have you meditated today and stayed quiet? Have you had a good talk with your partner today?" Like, you know, just I think real connection with yourself and with the people who you love that are around you.
And yeah, I think all of that is kind of where I would like to start because I think that's going to refill you.
Like, have you had enough rest? Have you eaten something that's gonna really nourish your body? Have you moved your body? Have you had, like, a good conversation with someone? Have you laughed today? Like, I think all of that can really help us then disconnect, but also recharge and feel even better, and, you know, take on the next day just feeling, feeling I don't know, supported, seen and ready for what motherhood brings next.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
It is hard.
It's hard to find...
First of all, it's hard to find time as a mom- Yeah to just disconnect, right? Totally.
And to unplug, and to, to kinda do those things to put back into yourself.
And then I find that, you know, when I do have that time, one thing I've been very intentional about is that I noticed about myself that my husband would take Saggy, and he would be like, "Go and do, like, whatever you need to do for the next hour and a half, two hours."
And I would be like, "Okay.
Well, I'm not gonna work because I want to, like, I wanna take this time for myself."
Yeah.
And I would say like, "All right.
I'm gonna go read my book, and then I might, like, shower."
And no lie, I would, like, sit with that book open on my belly, and I would be scrolling.
It's like, it would be like I would get- It's addictive distracted.
Yeah, it would be like I got distracted by my phone.
And then, you know, 40 minutes later, I look down, and I'm like, "Oh, crap.
I haven't even read a single page of this book.
I've just been scrolling this whole time."
And I think that's really hard.
And for me, it brings on a lot of guilt, and I'm like, "Oh, I should be doing, you know, more things with my time," or, "I should be doing different things with my time," or, "I should really brick my phone."
Do you know about the new brick, that new technology? I don't have one, but I'm very intrigued by it.
I see a lot of people who have the brick, and they are, um, cutting down on their screen time substantially, and I really probably could use that.
I should probably invest in the brick.
But yeah.
I mean, I think for me it's just, um...
It's like, where do you find the time? And when you do find the time, are you being intentional with that time? And that's something I'm trying to do better on in my own life because it is so hard.
It sounds really simple when you're like, yeah, well, just, like, go read a couple chapters of your book and then get in the shower.
And that sounds so simple, but the reality of Doing that is actually really hard.
Yeah, especially when you've already established that habit.
Mm.
And the thing is, HeHe, I think it's really tough for us because, you know, as business owners, we have to also be doing research and seeing, like, what's being talked about.
And so it then gets blurred into, oh, but actually this is really helpful for work, but I'm also taking this time to, like, recharge and do something mindless to relax and enjoy my time off.
And I totally get that.
That is not just a you thing.
I feel like probably most people who are listening are like, "I relate, HeHe.
That is me too."
But yeah, I think, like, when I started getting on a really big health journey, I lost 20 pounds.
Mm.
And I was like, "Okay, I have to decide what I'm gonna do with the time that I do have because I'm a mom, I, uh, take care of our house, I have a husband, and I have a business.
Like, how am I gonna fit in this time?" And I think, you know, I realized, gosh, I was spending this much time watching, like, Netflix.
I'm gonna use that time instead to go do a workout or go on a walk or go to bed earlier.
Like, those things don't sound so fun, but I think that as soon as you start setting up little micro habits to make those things more achievable, more intriguing and, and, yeah, ultimately can do them it then made me realize, oh, gosh, yeah, I do have actually a lot more time.
I just have to let go of some of these other things that maybe aren't contributing to the, the things that are ultimately gonna get me where I wanna be.
And so at the end of the day, HeHe, it's totally okay to, like, scroll your phone.
Like, we're all in that.
But I get it.
Whenever I'm like, "Okay, I'm on my phone too much," I have to put my phone, like, in another room.
Mm.
Or, like, or turn it off, or just to make it, like, that much less accessible, you know? Yeah, that's what I do on my work days.
I will put it in airplane mode, and I just put it face down, um, like across...
I'm looking at it right now, across the room.
Looking at you, oh.
She's calling my name.
Um, and, um, you know, I just, I can't have it around me because it is so addicting.
And the thing is, like, I'm aware of it, and I want to have less screen time.
I want to scroll less.
But I swear, every time I look down, the phone is in my hand and I'm, like, scrolling Instagram, or I'm answering emails, or I'm, like, doing something.
And it always, in my brain, I'm like, "What am I doing?" Like, now is not the time to be doing this.
I should be being present with Saggy.
I should be taking a shower myself.
I should be going on a walk with my dog and my baby.
Like, I really should, you know, not be scrolling.
But it's so, so hard.
It's so hard.
I mean- Mm-hmm and all the algorithms are working against us, right? They're, like- Yeah designed to be addictive.
It's- Yes you know, the editing of everyone's posts now are designed to keep you locked in, and it's, like, all these rules about have a hook in the first three seconds, have the screen move in the first three seconds.
Like, you know, have a loop where they stay till the end.
Um, it's exhausting.
It's exhausting as a business owner to try and play that game, but it is exhausting as a consumer to also- Be a recipient of all of that.
Or it is for me, at least.
Oh, ditto.
Right there with you, sister.
Oh, my gosh, there's so many times where I'm like, "Okay, I have to be doing this, but oh, I need to go on Instagram to look up that one thing."
That's the thing.
And then I'll go on there, and then all of a sudden I'm scrolling, and then I'm like, "Oh, my God, I came on here to look for someone's, you know, profile, and here I am 30 minutes later," like, I like turn it off and I'm like, "What am I doing?" I turn it off and I go, "Oh my God, the whole reason why I got on this app is to look for this one thing."
And because it is.
And that is, that is so human and so normal, at least in this day and age and what it has become today.
And that's why, you know, it is, I don't know, for the families that you work with, for me, you know, trying to, they're, the, the moms that I work with are like, "Yeah, like my whole algorithm has changed with like the best nursing bras, and like which sleep pillow," and, and it's all product on how to solve a problem.
And I'm like, capitalism at its finest.
Like, you know, we're not necessarily talking about things that really can make a difference.
Um, whereas, you know, I think all of that stuff is super important and can be helpful, but at the end of the day, I think there's way better things that you could do.
Like, for example, one thing that comes to my mind is like preparing your village before you actually need it.
Like finding these people that you can reach out to when you want, when you're gonna need support, figuring out who a good lactation consultant is, or your pelvic floor therapist, or a great doula, or whatever.
Lining all of that up so that when you do need it, you're not scrambling having to do research when you're just exhausted and trying to heal.
So, or if it's a birth doula, like waiting till the very last minute and then being like, "Oh, crap, the doula that I really like, she's booked."
Yeah.
You know? And I wanna, you know...
So that's why I think with social media it's wonderful and awful.
I don't know how else to describe it.
Yeah.
I mean, no, you hit on a good point, being that village, and it's like, you know, there are pros and cons.
Yes, we have more information now than our parents and our grandparents and our great-grandparents.
Mm-hmm.
But what we gave up for that was the village.
Look how isolating motherhood is today.
And, you know, decades ago, centuries ago, motherhood used to be this communal event, and it would be like It was almost like a induction into a new group.
Yes, you were entering into a new phase of life, but people in your community, if it was your first baby, who you may never have had any interaction before with, with before, because they are moms, are now your village.
Because now you're in this moms club, for a lack of a better term, right? Like, you are having your first baby.
You get to join the moms of that village.
The grandmothers of that village are taking care of you.
They're the ones who helped you birth, and we just don't have that today.
And so I think that the trade-off Is that yes, we have instant access, yes, we have Google, yes, we have, you know, the internet.
We have cool features like you can text your pediatrician.
We can ask AI about certain things, and our grandparents, I mean, our poor grandparents, they still can't really conceptualize what AI is.
But they had a village that was right there.
They had a village that showed up no matter what.
They didn't have to worry about childcare texting to say like, "Oh, I'm sorry, I stubbed my toe and I can't come," or, "Oh, I'm sorry, I, you know, double-booked and I'm not gonna be in town the day that I told you I was gonna be here," or, you know, it's, it's...
I feel like the village has completely disappeared, which opens up a whole nother kinda problem, is that, you know, if you are gonna build that village that you just talked about, you're paying out of pocket.
You're paying out of pocket- Yeah for that doula.
You're paying out of pocket for that lactation professional.
You're paying out of pocket for that sleep support.
You're paying out of pocket for your house cleaner, for your laundry, for the girl to come and walk your dog.
It's if you're gonna have people take care of you, you know, hopefully you live by your parents or your in-laws, or maybe you have a really good moms group.
But the reality for, I think, a lot of us is that we don't have that.
We don't live- Mm-hmm by our parents.
We don't live right down the road from our in-laws.
Um, you know, and I think it's really hard to do that without a village.
So for people who are listening who are pregnant, who are like, "Ooh, yeah, I don't live by my parents," or like, "I, maybe I don't like my mother-in-law," or, "Maybe my partner's parents don't even live in this country," or maybe they're gone, you know, maybe they've passed already, what tips do you have? Where do you think people should start when it comes to building that village? Can you kind of give us an idea of like who they should be thinking about having in their village, maybe when in their pregnancy they should start to think about interviewing these people, and how to go about that, and then where do you find the people in your village? Yeah.
Oh, my goodness.
Well, HeHe, I know you know all of this because you do I'm sure you go over this with your clients, too.
But I tend to tell people, like please start thinking about your birth education during your second trimester, and learning that so you have that, and then practicing those things throughout your third trimester.
But I want you to learn that in your second trimester because your third trimester, I want you spending that whole trimester preparing for your postpartum time.
Because if you're cramming the birth right at the end, when are you preparing for postpartum? And I'm not just talking about like stocking your freezer with meals and getting the postpartum caddy and filling it with that stuff.
Like that is good.
That's helpful.
But I'm talking about way more.
I'm talking about having certain conversations with your partner ahead of time.
I'm talking about building that village before you need it.
And you are so right.
HeHe, I think a lot of people get upset when I say, "Well, you know what? You have to buy the village now," most of the time.
But I also want to say that it was never free, ever Because back then, people were so much better at being villagers.
They weren't just expecting the village to come to them, they were also recognizing that we're in a, we're a village together, and when you're going through something, I'm gonna be there for you.
And nowadays, people are so busy with their own lives.
They have these good intentions.
They wanna help.
But because their lives are so busy, it can be really challenging to fit in that time to become that villager for someone else.
And then when you need that village, all of a sudden it doesn't exist because guess what? Those people are also busy.
And I...
So again, to go back, where do you start? Third trimester, highly recommend you start focusing on your postpartum time, and I actually require all of my clients to, yes, make a birth plan, but also make a postpartum plan.
And with that postpartum plan, it's talks about everything from, like, just even people that you can talk to during, let's say, day and night.
I have on my postpartum plan template, I was like, "Okay, write down three people that you can call during the daytime if you are struggling and you just need someone to talk to" And what I recommend is think of those three people, reach out to them and say, "Hey, I'm building my postpartum plan, and if I'm really struggling and having a hard time, can I call and reach out to you?" If you feel like this is a good person that you can ask that question to, more than likely they're gonna say, "Oh my goodness, of course.
Absolutely, I'm there for you" So guess what? When you have that baby, and they see your n- your name popping up on their phone, guaranteed they are going to pick up that call and say, "Hey girl, how are you? What's going on?" Then, so have those three people for the daytime, then I want you to have three people for nighttime that you say, "Okay, would it be okay if I called you at night?" And for some people they're like, "You know what? I'm sleeping finally.
My baby's sleeping, so maybe not at night" So this is when I usually recommend, like, try and find some moms who have children in similar age group and say, "Hey, we have little ones.
Yours are still not sleeping all the way through.
Mine aren't either.
How about if we start, like, a text group? And so then if, like, I'm in the middle of the night just spiraling or baby's not latching or just having a really hard time and I just need someone to be there, can we just text each other?" Or like, "Hey, by the way, I'm up at 3:00 AM.
Saw this funny social media thing which I should not be scrolling" But but then, you know, sharing just so then you know, like, in those moments at, like, you know, 1, 2, 3, 4 AM, you feel like you're the only one in the entire world that is up.
Everyone else is sleeping, and it is so untrue.
So just to have then that group of your text message going to the people that you have a relationship with and that you care about one another, that can be really- Just so helpful.
But again, having those people for daytime and nighttime is, I think, so crucial because motherhood can feel so lonely, and I want you to have those people that you can turn to.
Other than that, I do recommend finding a mom group that you can join, go to, like, whether it's, like, Fit4Mom where you go and do walks and workouts with your baby in the stroller, like Stroller Strides type of vibe, or New Mom School, where they get together every week and talk about a different topic.
They have different experts, and you literally...
I think every baby has to be within, like, a month of the same age.
So you're meeting other mothers who have babies at the exact same age as yours, so you can really relate to exactly what you're going through.
So finding those kind of resources.
And then talk- I highly recommend, I don't care what kind of birth you're having, please hire a doula.
Because when you have a doula, she's also gonna be like, "Oh, girl, have you heard about this group and that group? And, oh, you, you want a chiropractor that specializes in, uh, prenatal care? You gotta go to these, like, here are the best three w- that you should check out.
Um, this one might accept your insurance."
Like, there's so many great resources available.
It's just finding the right people to talk to.
Not just Sally down the street, but, like, talking to...
That's why I'm like, oh, a doula in general in your area is gonna be a wealth of knowledge, and she's not gonna have, like, just her experience.
Like, HeHe, you have your experience with your son, but no, you have your experience of working with hundreds of women, thousands of women, that you can say, "Actually, here are some other things that these moms have found beneficial and helpful.
Like, you should check it out.
It might work out for you, even though it didn't, it's n- not what I did."
And that, I think, is so empowering.
But please don't get frustrated when we say you have to build a village now.
Unfortunately, that's, like, where it's at.
But If you can find certain things that are free, take advantage of it, but also then remember, like, when it's your turn that you feel like, "Oh, I've caught up on my rest.
I've learned a couple things.
I feel a little bit more like I'm getting my act together.
I feel a bit more normal," please return the favor.
Like, pass the torch.
Be that villager, because I think it starts with us now recognizing that I didn't have a village either, HeHe.
Like, I had to try and build and buy mine.
And I'm now so much more intentional about as soon as I know someone that I care about or I've met, that I reach out.
I send a text message.
I, like, drop off something, like, "Oh, I got this book," or, "I got..."
You know, found this at the store.
I thought of you," or whatever.
I think it's so helpful, and then hopefully it just inspires them to, you know, pass it forward.
Yeah, to keep it going.
I, uh, recently came across a quote on social media, of course.
Um, I feel like so much of social media is, like, intertwined in so much of our life.
Um, but I was scrolling, and, uh, I came across a quote that said that you know, your, your cycle, your period syncs with your friends that are around you, and that is so that you and your friends can be fertile and have babies around the same age, and therefore it kind of builds in that natural, organic village, because you're all just kind of in the same phase of life.
Um, and it really hit me hard, because I was like, wow, that is so cool, and also I don't live around any of my friends, so we all have babies that are all the different ages, right? And so, you know, it, it's a double-edged sword.
It, it...
I love social media because it has connected me with wonderful people.
I mean, you and I would've probably never met- Yeah without social media- Definitely even though we're just a state apart.
But you know, the s- the, the sad part that I think for me is that we have all moved off from our friends.
Mm-hmm.
And so even though that village may hypothetically still be there in our friends, like that text message chain or being able to call somebody, it doesn't replace, you know, them coming over and doing your laundry, or- Totally coming over and bringing dinner, or coming over just, you know, maybe not unannounced, but just stopping by and saying like, "We were in the area and thought that we would just stop by for a little bit to, like, you know, get you out of the mundane routine of, of what a newborn routine can be like.
Is now a good time?" You know, I think that there's so much missing in motherhood because we don't have that, right? Yeah.
It seems like your best friend has to hop on a plane in order to get to you, or, you know, your mother-in-law has to drive hours to get to you.
Um, and I just, I get sad thinking about, like, what could motherhood be if we didn't all live so far apart.
Yeah.
But I think also that it would then force you to make new connections with the w- the mothers that are close by.
Mm.
Because back then you would have to write a letter, and then that would get- Mm you know, ca- carried by carriage to them and you- Or a pigeon.
Exactly.
Like, that would take weeks until you get a response back.
Yeah.
And, and, you know, relationships are really, ugh, I'm, you know, it's sad, but it's, I think, normal that it's by proximity and convenience that- Mm you know, you're either in the same stage of life, that you're close by.
Because, I mean, one of my dear friends just moved to Maryland a year ago, and we had our daughters in the same, uh, preschool.
And now that she's away, I don't talk to her as much because, you know, she's living her life in Maryland and I'm here in Texas.
And while I still care for her, and we did a FaceTime not that long ago with our daughters, you know, it's just not the same 'cause what she's experiencing is different, um, than what I'm experiencing here.
And, and I think that that's normal, and recognizing that, you know, it doesn't mean that we're not friends.
It's just, you know, life moving in a different direction, and we're still supportive of each other.
But yeah I think that, like you said, that in-person connection and that support is just, nothing really replaces that.
When someone can, like, hold your hand, give you a hug, like, physically be there to listen to you and help you out, and you vice versa, like, that's just where it's at.
Yeah.
I feel so validated by that.
I, um, my best friend is down in Mississippi, which is where I grew up.
And, um, her kids are a little bit older.
Well, she has two, um, and her children are a little bit older than mine.
And, you know, it's, it's kind of the same thing.
It's like I, I like her stuff on social media, and I text her the fun things that we're experiencing, and I text her about the things that I know are going on in her life, but it's just not the same.
I mean, it just doesn't, I don't know, it just doesn't feel the same.
Mm-hmm I do wish that we could all just, like, live together on one, one big compound and just- Right like, you know, be that village.
Earlier you ha- mentioned polarization.
Do you think motherhood has always been- this polarizing? No.
No one would talk about it.
Like, now we have these people who are, like, what are they called? Like, keyboard- Warriors? Keyboard c- yeah, warriors, keyboard courage, where you can just, like, say whatever comes on your mind and not think about w- who you're hurting, how it affects anyone.
Like, wow, I just, it just blows my mind.
So no, people would actually think about what they said before they said it, and they wouldn't share every single little thing.
They would only share things with the people that they cared about and they trusted.
And now everyone's sharing everything, literally.
Like, sitting on the toilet, like, l- sharing everything.
And I'm like, "Okay, maybe this is a little overshare."
But I get you want the reach and the views and the likes and the whatever, and but I'm like, "At what cost?" You know? Like, this is just, I think we're in the Wild West of all this.
It's just gotten, I think, so far.
And I don't know, everyone always says, like, you know, "The pendulum will swing back," and I'm like, "But will it?" I feel like we're really far in.
I don't know, what do you think about that? I mean, I guess I, I can see pros and cons, you know.
In true HeHe fashion, I'm like, "Let me play the middle ground."
Um, but it's true.
It's like, you know, I think about things like postpartum depression and anxiety.
We used to never speak about these things.
Mm-hmm.
And so the people who had them felt weird and ostracized, and they felt like something was wrong with them, and they felt like it was a them problem, right? Like, "Well, I must be- Right broken."
But you're not broken.
It's is, this is hormones, and this is a common and expected thing.
I wouldn't say that it's normal, but it's probably not you.
It's probably the result of living in a country that doesn't support moms and babies in the way that we know that, you know, postpartum should be supported.
So I love that we are normalizing these conversations and that we're making people feel seen who otherwise would have felt ostracized and broken.
But with that, I do see a lot of things of just, you know, yeah, people on the toilet or people, like, farting on the phone.
And I'm like, "What is going on here?" Like, that is a private bodily function.
Like, why? And, and then it'll have, like, 5 million views, and I'm like, "5 million people just saw you fart- That's why.
on your phone."
That is, the, like, I'm having secondhand embarrassment from watching that.
Like, I'm, I can't even believe that I'm watching that before my own eyes.
Um, so I do think that The unfiltered-ness, the candidness of social media has done a lot of good for motherhood.
I think that it has allowed a lot of us to like, find our people, right? But with that, it goes back to Yeah, you found your people, but they're, they're little circles on, on a, a, a platform, on an, on an Instagram scroll, right? They're DMs.
What's the likelihood that you're actually gonna meet these people in real life? And if you did actually have an emergency, let's say that you got the stomach bug, and you have three children at home, and you're pregnant with your fourth, you gonna get in your IG DMs and DM one of your followers that you talk to every day and say, "Can you come help me?" No, you're not.
So it almost has given us this false sense of having a community, and that I really don't like.
It was something that I struggled with when I had Saggy was that, I, I mean, I have a wonderful community online, and I love them so, so, so, so, so, so much, and they were so supportive throughout my whole pregnancy.
And then everybody was so eager to hear about my birth, and I loved it.
I mean, I felt so supported and loved.
But I also had these moments in postpartum where I did feel lonely, and the thought was like, well, I could just hop on Instagram and talk to any of my people that I have a relationship there with.
And it's like, but I would rather have a friend come be in bed with me.
I would rather sit at, on my couch and have someone on the other side of my couch and us share a cup of...
Not share a cup of tea, but they have a cup of tea, and I have a cup of tea.
Right.
You know, I, I would rather go out to lunch with a group of girlfriends that are here, and I think that...
I mean, and I'm guilty of it, too.
I think that Finding your people online can make you feel as if you have this really great, deep-rooted, grandiose community around you.
And I do think to some extent you do.
But when push comes to shove, when shit hits the fan, those people can't show up for you 'cause they don't l- live by you, and they don't know you in any other way except what you put online, right? Mm-hmm.
And so there was this piece of me, too, when I had Saggy of like, people only know what I put online.
But there's, like, a whole other side, I mean, more than one side to me.
There's so much of my life that I don't put online.
Yeah.
And nobody online knows that, and it makes me sad.
It makes me...
I wish that I could share all of my life online, because I want people to get to know me like that.
But then it goes back to those, quote-unquote, rules of being a business owner.
Like, well, my niche is birth, so I shouldn't be talking about what I'm wearing if it doesn't pertain to a pregnant body or postpartum or breastfeeding.
Like, I shouldn't just put up the random blue jean shorts that I love because I love them, because that's not in my niche, right? And it's, like, all these rules.
I don't know.
That's how I feel.
I just, um, I feel like social media is great for so many things.
I love that we've normalized a lot of the conversations that we have normalized.
Another one that comes to my mind is women who are really learning, like, "Oh, I don't have to accept that from my OBGYN?" Or like, "Oh, I can ask for a second opinion?" Or like, "Oh, I didn't know I was allowed to ask for another nurse.
I thought that the nurse that I was assigned to when I got to triage was just the nurse that was gonna be with me."
Like, I love that, that we're learning and stuff online.
But then again, it is, um, you know, it fills in this gap, but falsely almost, because your village is, is now at that point a digital village, and that doesn't do very much help when you need physical support.
Yeah.
Oh, for sure.
I mean, that's the whole purpose of creating social media.
They were like, "Oh, we're bringing people together."
And yeah, it's, um, it's really cool for me to be able to see people that I love from all over the world do what they're doing and keep in touch.
I, I think that's so cool.
But yeah, I mean, it's gotten also, like you said, just a little too much.
I don't need to see someone farting on Instagram right now.
I mean, every time I see it, my mouth just drops, and I'm like, "H- just why?" Why? Why did you do that? And why did your brain make you think that was a good and funny idea? Good idea.
I just don't get it.
I mean...
And it works.
Like I say, 5 million views, 5 million likes, and they're like, It was a good idea."
Yeah, but for what? Like, these are vanity metrics.
Like, are you- It's true like, what are you gaining from that? Like, you're just looking like a fool.
Okay, you have 5 million views, 5 million likes, whatever.
But, like- After that it's in the past.
Like, no one will remember that.
Like, you and I have both had viral posts, you know, go wild.
But at the end of the day, then it passes and you have to, like, come up with another thing to go viral and have your information seen.
And, and so whenever I see silly things like that, I'm like, "Okay, but like what did it really cost you?" Like, now- Yeah you will always be remembered as that fart guy.
Like, you know what I mean? Like, it's just like, come on.
Like, let's really think about it.
And, and that's something I think, you know I know you started a long time ago.
I started social media before there were reels, before there were stories.
Oh, me too.
Oh, me too.
Oh, like- Yeah, I was, I was on social media 2017 or '18.
Yeah.
Long time ago.
2014.
Like- Oh, yeah girl.
At, for my business.
For like personal, I was on, on Facebook in 2005.
Oh, yeah.
Like, that, like ancient history.
Like, when it first started.
So like, oh my gosh, seeing the evolution of all of it, it's just wild.
And yeah, it, it, some of the information that I hear from moms, I'm like, "That's awesome that you found that info, because that's absolutely right, and you should be thinking about those things."
And then I'll hear other things and I'm like, "Hmm, maybe, do you wanna double check that source? Do you wanna like..."
I don't know.
'Cause, and that's, that's where I'm like it can be just wonderful, but also you have to be careful with it, you know? 'Cause sometimes people are just saying things for the shock value.
Like, I'm sure you've seen people say, like you'll see how someone says, "My dad is a cardiologist, and he will not let my, uh, like let us have these five things in our house."
And then it showed like five people saying that exact same script.
And I'm like, "Guaranteed none of your dads are cardiologists."
You know what I mean? I mean, but also can you imagine just getting online and lying like that? That's so crazy- Oh, girl to me.
I just don't under- But people do it for the- I don't understand for the reach.
Yeah.
I guess.
So that's why I'm like- That's crazy oh man let's make sure that...
That's why, like, when people find you and they see your stuff and they see like, oh, this makes sense.
This is evidence-based.
Like, I trust this.
And like go with that.
Like, taking all the information that you see from everywhere, I'm always like, okay, but where did you get that information? Is this just like a personal experience? Which can be valuable in its own way, um, but also like, you know, just make sure to use your brain and think about what's best for you.
So with that, do you think that, you know, we talked about like the village is kinda gone.
What about that village wisdom? So you know how things used to just be passed down from generation to generation to generation.
Do you think that social media has caused that to be lost because we're not passing down information from generation to generation, or is it allowing that village wisdom to be disseminated further and wider? There may not be a solid answer here.
I think it's kind of, I was gonna say, I think it's a little bit of both.
I think that, you know, again, when we were passing down This just wisdom from generation to generation.
We all lived close to each other.
Like, we contin- like, when you were born, you stayed in your village, and that just was passed down, and you stay.
I'm thinking of, like, Moana.
You stay on your island, you know? Yeah.
Like, but, but now everyone kind of ventures out and does their own thing, so I don't necessarily fault that on social media.
I just think that's where we are in this day and age, that you can decide to start your family and go wherever you'd like to go.
But then you have to then find, hopefully, if we didn't have social media or the internet, like you would then have to find a different village to join, and then you would be learning the, you know, the village's history and lessons passed down from there.
I think that we just, you know, we are, everything is so atomized.
Like, we all have our own house.
We go to our little job.
We all kind of, like, do our own little thing, and we're all staring at this screen, and that does, I think, play a part in us not connecting.
Like, if we just put down the phones and connected with someone, you could probably learn something really cool.
Like, actually, there was this one thing that I saw on social media that this girl was like, "I was at the airport.
I put in my AirPods.
I was, like, gonna, you know, listen to songs and s- and just scroll."
And this older woman was like, "Hey, have you ever been here before?" And she had to take out her AirPods, and she was like, "Actually, yeah, I go here all the time, and I'm, you know, gonna go see, like, a friend."
And then she puts in her AirPods and, like, thought the conversation was over, and then the woman asked her another, uh, or, like, says, "Oh, I've never been there.
What are, what are your favorite places to go?" And she starts kind of making this relationship, and all of a sudden she starts learning so much about this woman and what she's gone through, and they became, like, kind of friends.
And then they actually met up for lunch while they were in town, and they've con- they've continued to stay friends.
And she shared this story on social media and she was like, "I know I'm sharing this on social media, but, like, if you can put your AirPods down and, like, talk to the people that are around you, you will get so much more than from scrolling someone else's feed.
You will really get a bond and learn from their stories and just that connection."
There is something different about having that human touch connection than scrolling on a screen.
It's just, because that's filtered and edited and, and scripted and whatever, you know? It's just- And they're also strangers, right? Like- Right it's strangers on the internet.
And I think that's where I keep coming back to when it, when it, when the conversation turns to, like, your village and, and, like, social media.
It's like at the end of the day we're all consumed with everyone else's life, with that influencer's pregnancy, with that influencer's divorce, with that influencer's wedding planning, with that influencer's fertility journey, with that influencer's story of X, Y, and Z.
Meanwhile, we're all missing the people that are living the closest to us.
Like, what's going on in your neighbor that lives to the left of you? I don't even know the neighbors that live to the left of me, right? Like, I see them, but we don't ever talk.
We're not friends with those people, except I know way more about someone on social media that I have followed for years.
And, you know, saying that out loud, I hate it.
I hate that there are humans in my direct vicinity that I don't know anything about, and I know everything about an influencer online.
And I just think that that's, like, such a I don't even know if it's an ugly reality or a harsh reality.
It's just the reality that we have right now, and it makes me think, like, what will motherhood be in years to come when this problem assumingly only gets worse.
But it doesn't have to- Mm-hmm because we could change it, right? We could all just start to make these little micro decisions that are just a little different.
So instead of reaching for your phone when you first wake up, put it in a different room.
Go down, get coffee, spend some time with your children, and then check in with your phone.
And instead of scrolling to fall asleep, turn off the TV, put your phone in a different room, and do pillow talk with your partner, like we used to do 10 years ago when we all first started dating.
Like, you know, I think there are these, like I say, micro decisions that could make such a big impact.
But my God, that's so hard.
It is so hard to change a habit that's so ingrained in your everyday routine.
Mm-hmm.
I think so many of us think about doing it, and then we're like, Not today.
Maybe next week or maybe next year.
That'll be my New Year's resolution.
Yeah, sure."
You know, it's hard.
It's hard to get yourself going on a new pattern.
Yeah, because also, don't you feel like FOMO? Like, what if I'm gonna miss- miss out on something, like, important or, like, I'm not gonna see what my friends are doing.
I have a dear friend.
She moved to Colorado, and she is not on any form of social media.
She's younger than me, and she acts like she's this 80-year-old woman, and I love her dearly.
And sh- you know, I think that's so refreshing.
She's like, "Yeah, I just don't do that.
I don't get on social media.
It's a waste of my time.
If I wanna talk to you, I'll pick up my phone and I'll text you or I'll call you.
But I don't need to, you know...
Because what? You're gonna send me a Christmas card? And I already saw that photo that you posted on Facebook.
Like, I wanna see..."
You know, it's, she's, it...
And it's so true, but it is the reality that we are living in.
And it does make me curious to think, like, what will my son and my daughter experience when they have children? What will...
We don't have a village now.
Will they have a village? Will they have anything left? Like, I don't know.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think about that same thing.
Like, what are we leaving our children if it's not the village, if it's not that wisdom? I had, um, Mom Mom Maria on the show a couple of episodes back, and she was talking about becoming a grandmother.
And she was talking about that, you know, her whole life, she had kinda envisioned when her daughter had a baby that she would get to pass down all this wisdom, and her daughter never came to her for any advice.
And she asked her daughter one day, like- Why don't you have questions? Like, do you just, like, know all the answers?" And her daughter was like, "No, I Google them."
And Mom Mom Maria was like, "Oh my God, I've been replaced by Google."
And it really sent her into an identity crisis of like, "Okay, well, if I'm not the grandma that can pass down wisdom, then, like, what is my role as a grandmother?" And I do think that a lot of that is coming for a lot of us.
I think we are all gonna have to figure out, like, what is our role as our children are becoming parents with new resources and new technology and new baby gear that we didn't have, even now in 2026, that our parents didn't have 30, 40 years ago, and that our grandparents didn't have 50, 60, 70, 80, 90 years ago.
What does our role look like in their world? And I gotta say, I don't know that I'm looking forward to that.
I'm a little scared of it, actually.
Um- Oh, for sure I think it might just be, like, really dystopian, I think maybe.
I absolutely agree.
I mean, hehe, this is a whole other conversation that I could talk to you for a long time about, because AI is here.
Yeah.
It's always been here.
But now OpenAI has really changed the game on so many things, and it certainly has changed my life tremendously and my business tremendously.
Yeah.
And it's only getting smarter every single day, and I think it will be replacing a lot of the wisdom that people have learned from their craft, from their, all their experience.
And while these resources are, can be so helpful, a- again, like, I think that we're losing a lot of wonderful things at the same time.
Yeah.
I try not to use AI very much.
Like, I really, I try and use it very intentionally and not for a lot of stuff.
Um- Ugh.
Yeah And I'm, when I say that, HeHe, I mean, like, how it's affected, like, I, you know, Baby Chick is a publisher, but now I used to, you know, have, like, 50 writers.
I, you know, I had, uh, I had 14 employees, all these things.
Well, now people don't go to my website as much anymore because OpenAI answers all of those questions.
So, but guess what? OpenAI scrapes everything that I've, that I had hired writers, uh, experts to review it, editors, I had a content manager, all of these people to make sure that our, our information was correct.
Well, you know, they're just scraping all this information and not paying publishers for stealing our content to answer everyone's questions.
We were looking at it on Google Analytics.
Our website is s- used 700,000 times a day, 700,000 times a day to, um, answer people's questions, and that's just the largest form of intellectual property theft and yeah it's wild.
So that's what I'm saying, like, things are changing dramatically for people, and I don't see that stopping, and that's why, like, talking about it with even The Village, like, we have lost certain things just with social media, like The Village.
And I just am fearful of what things will look like for our children because we, humans need humans, and it's just wild to really think about.
That's what I meant by, like, not necessarily using it for my business, but how it has affected businesses, you know? For sure.
Yeah, I mean, it's taken jobs left and right.
You know what just came to my mind was that scene in Wall-E where they're all, like- Yeah fat and eating, like, burgers and fast food and drinking cola and like they're- We are not far off from that yeah, they're riding around on things 'cause they don't walk anymore.
Like, I hate that so much.
Um, I love the movie Wall-E, and I Just dislike so much how we are becoming so similar to what Wall-E kind of portrayed.
What do you think the future of AI will look like in terms of parenting and motherhood? Do you think it's gonna be where people are getting all of their childbirth education? Yeah.
Yes, I do.
I think that that's- That's crazy I think that's where they're gonna be getting everything from.
I mean, look at now.
Like, look at everyone has, you know, for example...
And I like Nanit.
I think they're a great company.
But, you know, you have to have a monitor, with a breathing monitor, with this thing, this owlet on your foot, with, like, everything is, you know, then you can have all this data.
And rather than learning from- Mm-hmm listening to your baby, and building this bond, and trusting your motherly intuition, no, we're, we're now using capitalism to really solve these parenting problems, saying like, "Oh, but this will make it easier for you, give you the answers," and it's just basically, I'm like, but parenthood, that's the whole purpose.
You're supposed to grow with your child.
You're supposed to go through these different things and build this bond.
And yeah, technology is, is definitely gonna be, if we continue on the path that we're heading in, like, it's, it's only gonna get even more so.
Like, oh, you need to have an app with this, and you have to have, you know, this, this monitor and this, this or that for all of this data because people love data.
They want the information.
But again, so much information, I think, can be extremely overwhelming, and is it really, do we need all of it? Some of it, yes, but do we need every single little hiccup that your baby made in the middle of the night, you know? Well, some of it is just causing anxiety, right? For sure.
Too much information sometimes is just not helpful because it reminds me of electronic fetal monitoring.
When we do Doppler intermittent auscultation, we're getting a good look on baby, we see good outcomes.
But the minute that we introduce continuous fetal monitoring to someone who is low risk, now we're picking up on normal variations that are then going to cause alarm, and it increases your risk for a C-section so much.
And I just I'm gonna leave you guys with that.
I want you to kind of, like, make that what you will when it comes to motherhood, but just think about Am I doing the same thing with motherhood? Am I using a piece of technology that is not fit for what I need, and should I be getting data somewhere else, or should I be not looking for as much data as I need? I think there's so much lost in just what you said, kind of like learning your baby, learning who they are and what their cues are and, and you guys meshing together as a a mother-child unit.
So much of that is lost because people are turning to AI and saying like, "My baby hiccuped for three hours yesterday, and they're four weeks old.
Is this normal?" You know, like instead of turning to AI, ask your mom or ask your doula or call your OBGYN.
But see, that's the extra step that people don't wanna do.
Right.
They don't wanna wait for their OBGYN to call back when AI can supposedly give you the same exact answer.
But I do get very fearful because, and this is actually kind of the reason that I don't love AI, is when it first came out, I was like, "Oh yeah, let's use AI."
And then I just found that so much of it was wrong, and we would, you know- Yes we would put something in AI, and it would spit something out that looked really great.
It was said with a lot of confidence, and, uh, uh, or an article was linked for sure, so it looked cited.
Oh yeah, that's a cited source.
And you went to the source, and it was like, uh, you know, "Do peanut butter and jelly sandwiches do better in a jail commissary versus turkey and cheese?" And it's like, uh- you just linked that as a cited source for low amniotic fluid.
Like, the article just did not at all have anything to do with what AI was saying that they were citing that source for.
And so it, it just...
I don't know.
For me, it was such a, such a moment of like, we just shouldn't rely on technology to make parenting decisions.
And I cringe when I hear...
Some of my friends that have older children will say like, "You know, I needed parenting advice, so I asked ChatGPT, like, how to handle this conversation or what punishment I should do for my children."
And I'm like, "Oh my God."
Like, I just feel so sad because, I don't know.
Like, shouldn't you as their mom kinda know what motivates your child and what, you know, punishments are effective with your child? And I don't know.
I- But even if you didn't know, like, wouldn't you, like, talk to someone in your group or t- like, again- Like someone with children your same age or your parents- Right about what they did and what worked with you as a child? Yes, exactly, like lived, learned experiences.
And because that's why I'm so big on if you can find a mom group, because then you're forced to get out each week to go and meet up with these women, and it gives you an excuse to like- Put something on besides pajamas, get out, get some fresh air, and talk to other people who are living kind of parallel lives of like, "Yes we're both in this, and this is hard.
And oh, your baby did this? My baby's doing this.
What did you do when they did th-" Like, learning from each other is so, so wonderful.
But yeah, I think AI can be wonderful in certain things, but it just can it can be really scary in others.
Yeah.
You know? Yeah.
When you hear stories like that.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
I don't know what the future holds, but I I'm a little nervous for it.
Okay, you have a new book out that is gonna not replace AI, uh, but you don't have to turn to AI.
You can turn to lived experiences from someone who has her own children and also has helped thousands of families before.
Tell us about your book, Positive Pregnancy.
Oh, you are so kind, HeHe.
Yes, well, with all of that said that we've talked about, yeah, I had found so many moms, you know, when I would work with them, saying, "Oh, well, I saw this, and I saw this," and trying to piece together all this information of, "What should I be doing here? I heard about this."
Like, and I just was thinking, "Oh, man, I'm really glad that I can support them and listen to them, go through the ups and downs of what they're going through and, and be a sounding board."
But also, I know that not everyone can h- like, has the resources to hire a baby planner or a doula.
There...
I do wanna say, though, that if you feel like you can't hire a doula, there are doulas out there that will help you.
You just have to go out there and find the ones that are available.
But I know that not everyone wants to do that or has the resources to do that, so that's why I wanted to write a book that shared all of the information that I share with my clients week by week, month by month, trimester by trimester, because I wanted them to start thinking about things that they probably didn't think about on their own throughout pregnancy.
And so all of my clients were always like, "Oh, yes, I wanna know what's going on with me and baby," so I include that kind of stuff, of like what's going on.
But also, like, what are things that you should be considering at this point of your pregnancy? Maybe think about, because that's the baby planner in me, of like, "Okay, here's a checklist of, like, have you thought about these things?" Not saying that you have to check everything off, but, like, these are your options.
And figuring out, like, "Okay, does that sound like a good option for me? Yes, I wanna maybe check that out.
Yes."
Or, "This one, eh, not so much.
I'm gonna skip to the next one."
Totally cool.
But also, the other thing is, you know, we've talked a lot about motherhood, and I feel like dads or partners don't necessarily feel the same heaviness as we do in certain parts of parenthood.
Because as mothers, we're the ones that are carrying these babies for 40-ish weeks.
We're the ones that are birthing these babies, feeding them with our bodies, going through all these hormonal changes, which I know that partners also go through hormonal changes.
They go through patrescence as well.
I understand that, but it's a, it's a little different.
And with that, you know, more people are talking about this invisible load that women are carrying, that mothers are carrying, and it is heavy.
But I really think that, you know, it can obviously start well before pregnancy as well.
But I really think that it starts getting heavy as soon as you see a positive pregnancy test, because now you're starting to think about, like, "Okay" Am I gonna go to this doctor that I've been seeing, or am I gonna go to a midwife? Should I have a birth center birth? Am I gonna go to this hospital or that hospital, or maybe I want a home birth, or who's my pediatrician gonna be? Should I find a chiropractor? Should...
Like, there's so many things that you have to start thinking about.
Daycare, childcare, like, oh my gosh, m- maternity leave.
It can just be really overwhelming, and all of a sudden we become the project manager of this entire experience.
And I feel like because partners are like, "Yes, I'm here for you.
You just tell me what you need me to do," so that's why we're the project manager.
And then when they be- we become parents, partners are like, "Okay, you've been the project manager.
Like, you keep telling me you're the project manager, right? Like, you're the expert."
So then you have to tell them, like, "Okay, this is how you support me afterwards."
Like, and then that just continues on, and mothers are left being the project managers of your entire family.
And so I was really intentional on making sure that in my book, each week, not only do I give you, I call them chick tips, for the moms to really, you know, think about, hey, have you thought about these things at this point of your pregnancy, you know, think about it, but also partner tips.
Like, hey- Mm at this point of your pregnancy, partners, these are the things that you could be doing and helping with.
Because I think partners, you know, they wanna help, but they just don't know how.
So especially, like, if you say, "Hey, actually, here, these are some different things that you could be helping with.
What sounds good for, to us? Would this actually be helpful for us?" And going that way.
And I also think that, you know, information is good but preparation is different.
Preparation is really organizing the information that you've learned, and preparation is really making sure that you both are entering into this new stage feeling a lot more on the same page, prepared, confident for what's to come.
So...
And I don't think it's just the information.
I think that we also need to be preparing our relationships.
I think that we need to be preparing our bodies, like, with nutrition and with movement and I think also our minds.
Oh my goodness, HeHe, you know how birth is so much more mental than people realize.
And also with motherhood.
Oh my goodness.
So really preparing, looking at different parts of the mother and preparing those sides is also really important to me.
And I think that's what, I, I know that other practitioners like you focus on those things as well.
I really make sure that with at least my clients, I'm like, "All right, how are you moving your body today or this week?" Or, you know, h- h- how are you preparing your mind? Not just with information, but for the emotions, for, you know, how you're processing different things.
If you're feeling fearful of certain things, and working through those and talking about them.
And then also your relationship, how that might change, and what that will look like, and how are you guys gonna support each other through this transition into parenthood? And so, so yeah, it's not just information about pregnancy, it's really a step-by-step guide that helps you prepare just a little bit more mindfully of things about birth, but also motherhood.
And that's been really important to me, to make sure that families aren't just like, "Okay, this is my checklist for all the stuff, and my baby's the size of a blueberry," and all of this, but actually feeling at the end of it, like, "Okay.
Wow, she went through maternity leave.
She went through, like what I should be talking about with not only my practitioners, like a midwife or a doctor, but also, like, my partner, and building a postpartum plan," and all those kind of things.
And doing them probably a lot earlier than you thought you should be doing it, because I find a lot of people kind of cramming everything in in the third trimester when, gosh, if we kind of spread everything out, it wouldn't feel so overwhelming when you're at that end point.
So, so yeah, I wanted that go-to resource that I could just be like, "Ugh, here's everything that I teach.
If you can't hire me, no problem.
Just buy the...
You can get the book for $25 no problem."
Um- I love it 'cause I think everyone needs, you know, a, a trusted resource.
And that's another thing.
HeHe, I made sure that everything is cited, and so that it is evidence-based.
I wanted, that was really important to me.
It's not just, like, yeah, I share some stories, but I also make sure that everything is cited that I claim, so then that way you can make sure that everything that I've shared is not just an opinion.
And it's aligned with you.
Where do people get your book? They can find it anywhere.
I think the easiest place to go is on my website, baby-chick.com,
but it's on Amazon, Walmart, Target, Barnes Noble, wherever you buy books.
My gosh, amazing.
Okay, and where can people connect with you on social media? Yeah.
A- again, the easiest place to go is my website, babychick.com,
'cause that's where all the links are.
But I think the, my go-to is Instagram.
You know, I'm a true millennial, so you can find me @thebabychick.
I love it so much.
Nina, thank you so much for this conversation.
This was so good.
I think that, yeah, I think a lot of people don't realize the mental load.
You know, I think a lot of, a lot of us are talking about the mental load in motherhood right now.
It's gotten a lot of light recently, but the mental load in pregnancy from the moment that you see that positive test is still really under-talked about.
Um, and so I'm so excited to have your book.
Thank you for sending me a copy of it.
Of course.
Um, I'm so excited for all of you guys, you listeners, to get your hands on it anywhere that you buy books.
And be sure to connect with Nina on social media.
You can find me @tranquilitybyhehe and @the.birth.lounge
on Instagram, and I'll see you guys in the next episode.
Until then, head to your app store and download the Birth Lounge app for evidence-based childbirth education and data-driven postpartum support delivered straight to your phone.
Bye.
Thank you so much for tuning in today.
I love hanging out with you, and it is an honor to be your go-to gal when it comes to preparing for your baby.
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I'm HeHe, and this is the Birth Lounge Podcast.