Latest / Magic Divorce Club Podcast / Ep 5: Going to Court or Mediation?

Transcript

Ep 5: Going to Court or Mediation? · Magic Divorce Club Podcast

• 0:04
  recording in progress hello and welcome to the magic divorce
• 0:09
  club it's me hannah
• 0:11
  and today i'd like to talk about going to court so this is not
• 0:18
  something i've
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  really talked about before um so that should be interesting i'm
• 0:23
  looking forward to
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  SPEAKER_00: kind of sharing
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  what I know and some little tips um I'm like I'm looking
• 0:32
  forward to it I don't know
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  we'll see how it goes but before we get to that I would love to
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  know how you're
• 0:39
  finding the Magic Divorce Club because it's been free for all
• 0:43
  of June and yeah I'd
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: love to properly invite you in now um
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: So from Friday, you'll be able to become like an official magic mama.
• 0:55
  And as a member,
• 0:57
  you get the magic Mondays that you've been getting so far.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: And the whole premise of this is that Monday is aligned with the moon.
• 1:06
  And it's this chance to kind of move yourself out of any
• 1:12
  overwhelm and fear and
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: into a more magical space of like
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  SPEAKER_00: What are we wanting to call in?
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like a much more empowering manifesting place.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what the Mondays are all about.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so far they've been so beautiful and I've loved all your feedback.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for that.
• 1:31
  As a member,
• 1:32
  you'll also get your podcast Wednesdays,
• 1:34
  which is what this is.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: And as a member, you'll get a bonus episode that comes with it.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: And this might be something that is maybe a bit more personal for me,
• 1:45
  or it might be like an extra bonusing audio that goes with what
• 1:49
  I'm talking about.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then on Friday, you get your yoga.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: So it might be a 30 minute class.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: It might be a 90 minute class.
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  It all depends on what we've been talking about that week and
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  kind of helping
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: embody the theme of the week.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so that means over the course of a month,
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  SPEAKER_00: you get four live meditations,
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: four podcasts plus bonuses and four lots of yoga.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it's only £8 a month.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's pretty sweet.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: But you might also be thinking, why do we need payball?
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: So there is two reasons for this.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: The first is basically it protects me.
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  So I'm able to share more openly some of the more confidential
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  stuff that I can't
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  SPEAKER_00: necessarily share so much of just openly on the Internet.
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  SPEAKER_00: And it also allows me to be a bit more vulnerable and just be like,
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  SPEAKER_00: this is the truth of what happened.
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  SPEAKER_00: And yeah.
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  SPEAKER_00: So that's that's the main reason,
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  SPEAKER_00: you know,
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  SPEAKER_00: the paywall is there is because the stuff I want to tell you that I can't
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  SPEAKER_00: necessarily because I don't want the whole world to see.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's fair enough.
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  SPEAKER_00: And it also protects you.
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  SPEAKER_00: So,
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  SPEAKER_00: you know,
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  this is a community of mums going through what for me was the
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  worst thing I've ever
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  SPEAKER_00: been through.
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  So I want you to be able to feel safe within this community to
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  be able to take part
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  in the closed threads that only the people who are part of the
• 3:24
  membership will see.
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  for you to be able to openly share your questions without fear
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  of anybody else
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  knowing that you're there because basically it's nobody's
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  business is it it's ours
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  yours and mine and I want to protect you within this space that
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  you feel safe and
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  SPEAKER_00: held and it just allows for much more control over what's going on
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  and just keeping you protected and making sure that there's no
• 3:51
  unnecessary
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  SPEAKER_00: troublemakers because we have enough trouble going on.
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  SPEAKER_00: I think you'll agree.
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  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to imagine that the Magic Divorce Club is this castle level
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: protection and I have a moat around it,
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  SPEAKER_00: the walls are really high,
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  we've pulled the drawbridge up like it's just us within it and
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  only people who are
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  willing to become a proper member will be able to see the stuff
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  within so that you
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  SPEAKER_00: and me are both protected.
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  so that is why it's there uh and you may think i don't need
• 4:28
  this and that's
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  completely fine that the whole of the last month stuff is for
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  free so you can keep
• 4:34
  using those um and maybe you're like i don't have time and i
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  don't have money for
• 4:40
  this kind of thing i don't like i totally get it this is a very
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  stressful time in
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  SPEAKER_00: your life and financial concerns and all of
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  SPEAKER_00: Like the other stuff that goes with the divorce is, it's real.
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  SPEAKER_00: But I want you to also know that you are the golden goose.
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  SPEAKER_00: Like if you don't look after yourself and your needs,
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  SPEAKER_00: you might,
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  SPEAKER_00: you know,
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  SPEAKER_00: it's a really big struggle.
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  SPEAKER_00: Like what we consider to be self-care is,
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: up to this point,
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  it almost needs to be triple that because of how much you're
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  holding and going
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  SPEAKER_00: through.
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  Yeah,
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  there'll be a bit of you that is properly freaking out if
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  you're anything like me.
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  SPEAKER_00: And that bit needs,
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  it needs all the holding and the space holding for it to kind
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  of start to heal.
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  So,
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  you know,
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  I welcome you in wholeheartedly to say,
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  let me hold space for you.
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  SPEAKER_00: I would love you within the community to, you know, support you and help.
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  to I guess like help you model self compassion both to yourself
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  because if you're
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  anything like me you don't know what the hell self compassion
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  really is I do now I
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  didn't when I was going through divorce I was like why can't
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  you just do this why
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  can't you just do all this stuff on your own why are you such a
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  baby um and that
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  SPEAKER_00: didn't help spoiler
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  SPEAKER_00: It just made it worse and made my panic attacks worse.
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  SPEAKER_00: So,
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  SPEAKER_00: yeah,
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  SPEAKER_00: being able to model this level of self-compassion,
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  SPEAKER_00: both for your kids,
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  SPEAKER_00: your friends,
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  SPEAKER_00: even your ex,
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  SPEAKER_00: like it has such an incredible ripple effect.
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  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, you deserve to be supported.
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  And I believe this is a really great investment and I want this
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  to be as cheap as
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  SPEAKER_00: possible so that I can support as many people as possible.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah,
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  I'd love you to join the community and like the other mums that
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  are inside this
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  SPEAKER_00: beautiful,
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  SPEAKER_00: magical community and space.
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  So yeah,
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  thank you for all of your gorgeous emails and the chats that
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  we've been having.
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  SPEAKER_00: And if you have been wanting to reach out and you haven't yet,
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  SPEAKER_00: then please don't be shy because I am,
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  SPEAKER_00: I'm just a mum,
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  SPEAKER_00: just like you,
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  SPEAKER_00: like at home,
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  SPEAKER_00: sitting in my living room.
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  SPEAKER_00: I've had to put away my daughter's
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  Barbie van in order to be able to sit here and I'm going to be
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  in trouble for that
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  later you know I'm sitting here thinking right have I
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  definitely got enough food
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  for tea all of that stuff like it's just I'm just a normal
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  person like you and I
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  would love to hear from you at any point if you've got any
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  feedback if there's any
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  questions you have if you're like please can you do a podcast
• 7:34
  about this just let
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  SPEAKER_00: me know and on that note I am wondering if you can do me a favor and
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  Because I've nearly finished creating my long-awaited Going to
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  Court online course.
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  SPEAKER_00: I'm like this close and it is coming out at the end of July.
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  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, watch the space.
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  SPEAKER_00: But in the meantime, please, could you help me out?
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  SPEAKER_00: I basically need to know...
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  I need to make sure that I have covered everything that you
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  guys want to know in this course.
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  So if you could sit with me and have a cup of coffee,
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  I would have an oat milk flat white.
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  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
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  SPEAKER_00: If you could sit with me and ask me two questions about going to court or
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  SPEAKER_00: mediation,
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  SPEAKER_00: what would they be?
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  SPEAKER_00: Okay,
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  so if you could either reply to the email that you receive this
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  podcast in or send
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  SPEAKER_00: me an email,
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  SPEAKER_00: hannah at hannahharvey.uk and just put going to court questions,
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  SPEAKER_00: something like that and tell me what they are.
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  I would be so grateful because I just want to make sure that
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  this is the best thing
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  out there and make sure that I'm answering the questions that
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  you actually have.
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  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's get into it.
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  SPEAKER_00: Going to court.
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  So my experience of court was potentially different to what
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  yours will be because...
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  SPEAKER_00: It was towards the end of lockdown.
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  SPEAKER_00: So it was still like some things were over the phone.
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  SPEAKER_00: Like some things were just didn't happen at all.
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  SPEAKER_00: Like it was a bit weird.
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  SPEAKER_00: So I think now most of what you'll end up doing is it will be in court.
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  and I should say at this stage I'm not a lawyer I'm somebody
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  who has experienced it
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  so that is what I will be sharing like the benefit of my wisdom
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  of being the person
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  who had to go in and stand up for herself so we went to court
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  for both custody and
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  SPEAKER_00: finances and
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  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was brutal.
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  SPEAKER_00: Like there's no nice way of saying it.
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  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't a fun experience.
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  SPEAKER_00: I really didn't want to do it.
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  And I had this lingering feeling all of the time that I was
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  doing something wrong.
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  SPEAKER_00: Like I was about to get found out and told off.
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  SPEAKER_00: Like it really put me back into feeling like a schoolgirl.
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  SPEAKER_00: So that is one of the biggest energetic things that I had to work with,
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  SPEAKER_00: was that I'm not doing the wrong thing.
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  SPEAKER_00: it's okay to have to go to court.
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  SPEAKER_00: People do it all the time.
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  SPEAKER_00: What you do have to do is go through mediation first.
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  SPEAKER_00: So you'll speak to a mediator,
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  SPEAKER_00: your ex will speak to a mediator,
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  and they will decide whether or not mediation is going to work
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  for you or not.
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  SPEAKER_00: And if it will, you'll go to mediation first.
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  So that's like slightly less hardcore because it's basically
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  you,
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  a mediator and them.
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  SPEAKER_00: And if you really can't be in the same space as your ex,
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  SPEAKER_00: then you can be doing it in two different rooms.
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  SPEAKER_00: So you don't need to worry too much about that.
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  SPEAKER_00: And then if you do end up going to court,
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  SPEAKER_00: which I highly recommend you don't because it's really expensive,
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  SPEAKER_00: but sometimes we have to.
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  SPEAKER_00: And that just is it.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to be able to hold yourself in confidence in
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  um if you do have to go but yeah so if you do go it's going to
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  be you your
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  solicitor your ex their solicitor um depending on whether it's
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  finances or children
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  you might have um somebody to represent the kids within this
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  case and then
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  SPEAKER_00: obviously the judge um
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  SPEAKER_00: And there's no denying that the experience of walking into this space,
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  SPEAKER_00: like,
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  SPEAKER_00: it's somewhere between,
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  SPEAKER_00: like,
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  so overwhelming that it's hard to process and so underwhelming
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  because you're just
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  SPEAKER_00: in,
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  SPEAKER_00: like,
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  SPEAKER_00: some scabby little room.
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  SPEAKER_00: Well, like we were.
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  SPEAKER_00: That it's almost like something you'll never experience.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's very, very strange.
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  SPEAKER_00: But...
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  Yeah,
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  so we had to go a couple of times for both,
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  for both finances and kids.
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  SPEAKER_00: And yeah.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's not fun.
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  SPEAKER_00: I remember when we did it, my mum would always come and meet me.
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  So she would see me beforehand and kind of give me the like,
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  you're going to be OK type chat.
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  And then afterwards,
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  because the court near us is near an outlet shopping centre.
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  SPEAKER_00: And then we'd go and get like a Costa and something can debrief.
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  So having that like friendship,
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  maternal support afterwards was really beautiful as well.
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  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah.
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  I guess that's all I've really got is that it wasn't it wasn't
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  fun I had to really
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  work on my confidence and my energetics um my level of
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  self-care had to be through
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  the roof in order to support myself going through it um I did a
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  lot of learning
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  SPEAKER_00: about different breathing techniques and um
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  SPEAKER_00: At this point, I just started getting into kind of more magic stuff.
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  So I was calling in all of these different elements to really
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  hold me through this experience.
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  actually it you know it wasn't fun but it was important and I
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  think that's what I
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  take from it is that I'm proud of how I held myself through all
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  of that even though
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  I didn't I didn't want to I like my natural instinct when it
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  comes to conflict is
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  to run an absolute mile but sometimes we can't we have to stand
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  up for what's right
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  SPEAKER_00: and uh and there's no other option
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  yeah so I know you can do it but yeah I just understand that
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  like my heart goes out
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  to you if you have to because it is a lot so yeah my plan is in
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  July on the 16th of
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  July in fact at midday I'll be sharing a free webinar which is
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  all about going to
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  SPEAKER_00: court and
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  So it'll be like an hour long and I'll take you through the
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  energetics of what I
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  SPEAKER_00: had to do in order to get myself feeling confident enough.
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  to step in that room and be like,
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  this is what I'm calling in,
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  this is what I'm standing for.
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  So I'll show you how to increase your confidence levels so that
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  you can step in
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  SPEAKER_00: there feeling the best you can,
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: given the circumstances.
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  And I'll also show you how to get into that kind of protective
• 15:17
  space so that you're
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  SPEAKER_00: not being impacted by all of the other energies in the room.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um...
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  SPEAKER_00: And if you stay to the end of that webinar,
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  you'll also get a free downloadable meditation that you can
• 15:35
  download to your
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: device.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: And this will be me guiding you through
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  like how to supercharge your confidence before you go into
• 15:45
  either mediation or court.
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  SPEAKER_00: So that will be my gift for you through this webinar.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I really hope you can come along to that.
• 15:55
  If you sign up at hannaharvey.uk forward slash court,
• 16:01
  if you go to that URL,
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: You can sign up now.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: And even if you're listening to this in like a year or two years time,
• 16:10
  know that you can still go there and you will get access to
• 16:13
  that free webinar.
• 16:14
  And it will have that downloadable meditation so that you can
• 16:18
  take me in your pocket.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: Even if it's just you on your own, know that I have...
• 16:23
  got you like the magic divorce club is a space it's a big space
• 16:28
  it's like a
• 16:28
  freaking castle and you are invited in as a mum going through
• 16:34
  something that is
• 16:34
  absolutely horrific come on in at any point and I will hold you
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  in this space um
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  SPEAKER_00: and fill you up as much as I can before sending you into battle basically
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  so yeah i'm looking forward to sharing um the energetics and
• 16:54
  everything else i kind
• 16:56
  of can share with you in this free webinar on the 16th of july
• 17:00
  so do get signed up
• 17:02
  so that's at hannah harvey.uk forward slash court um yeah and
• 17:09
  don't forget to let
• 17:09
  me know what your two questions are about going to court or
• 17:12
  mediation like drop me
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: an email hannah at hannah harvey.uk
• 17:19
  right and other than that I really hope um to see you with
• 17:24
  inside the magic divorce
• 17:26
  club membership I hope you become a magic mama with me and I
• 17:29
  look forward to
• 17:30
  holding you within that space and just knowing like you have
• 17:35
  got this but I have
• 17:36
  also got you okay you don't have to do this stuff on your own
• 17:40
  like it is the
• 17:41
  loneliest path to take I know I felt like a weirdo a lot of the
• 17:47
  time or like I was
• 17:49
  doing life wrong or something can you just not like the path
• 17:53
  after this process is
• 17:56
  magic if you want it to be so I really just welcome you in and
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  want to yeah skip
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  along that yellow brick road together all right my darlings I
• 18:08
  hope you have a
• 18:08
  wonderful week and hopefully see you at the webinar on the 16th
• 18:13
  of July loads of
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: love
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: Recording.