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When Friendships Change: Trusting God Through Seasons of Relational Transition · Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Life.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Audio photographs tell the story of time past. People move
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  Speaker 2: in and out of the frame, Babies grow from child
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  Speaker 2: to adult, Moms and dads gain wrinkles and gray hair.
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  Speaker 2: Just as our physical selves change over time, so do relationships,
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  Speaker 2: including friendships. Friendships are one of God's greatest gifts, and
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  Speaker 2: they can be one of life's most painful areas of change.
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  Speaker 2: Some friendships deepen over time, some drift, and some and unexpectedly.
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  Speaker 2: Yet God, our forever friend, remains faithful through every changing season.
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  Speaker 2: Welcome to your hope filled perspective, where it's always our
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  Speaker 2: goal to restore hope, renew minds, and empower listeners to
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  Speaker 2: live in your God given identity. I'm always so thankful
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  Speaker 2: when you choose to spend a few minutes of your
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  Speaker 2: week with us. In honor of National Friendship Day, today,
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  Speaker 2: we are going to talk about when friendships change and
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  Speaker 2: how to trust God through seasons of relational transition. Joining
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  Speaker 2: me today is my co host, Reverend Jessica van Rugel.
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  Speaker 2: Not every friendship is meant to last forever, but every
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  Speaker 2: friendship hand shape, teach and point us toward God's faithfulness.
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  Speaker 2: We'll dive right into that right after this word from
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  Speaker 2: our sponsor.
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  Speaker 3: Friendships rarely end all at once. Most often, they change quietly,
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  Speaker 3: little by little, until one day we realize something is different.
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  Speaker 3: We may be closer, or we may have drifted apart.
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  Speaker 3: Our lives may be richer because of the deepening friendship,
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  Speaker 3: or we may feel the pain of a lost companion.
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  Speaker 3: In honor of National Friendship Day today, we're talking about
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  Speaker 3: when friendships change and how to trust God through seasons
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  Speaker 3: of relational transition.
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  Speaker 2: To start this episode, we wanted to share a couple
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  Speaker 2: of scriptures. The first is Proverbs twenty seven nine that
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  Speaker 2: says oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the
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  Speaker 2: sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. And
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  Speaker 2: the other verses Proverbs eighteen twenty four. A man of
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  Speaker 2: many companions may come to ruin, but there is a
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  Speaker 2: friend who sticks closer than a brother. God's word instructs
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  Speaker 2: us for daily living and relationship building. It also provides
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  Speaker 2: comfort and hope. When relationships change, the memories between two
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  Speaker 2: friends become somewhat of a sacred space. Within that space,
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  Speaker 2: we find safety and belonging. Safety to share our deepest
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  Speaker 2: hurts and find a companion who walks with us towards
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  Speaker 2: healing belonging because we discover we're not really alone.
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  Speaker 3: Losing closeness can feel like a grief. We grieve a
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  Speaker 3: version of life we once enjoyed and found the comfort
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  Speaker 3: that our hearts needed, so we grieve it when it's gone.
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  Speaker 3: We often expect friendships to remain unchanged forever. We forget
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  Speaker 3: that life isn't static, it's dynamic. We mature, we heal,
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  Speaker 3: we find hope, and friendships also change, sometimes for the better, though,
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  Speaker 3: like gold refined and fire, and other times they go
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  Speaker 3: through the fire and don't make it out.
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  Speaker 2: And other times change in friendship happens not so much
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  Speaker 2: because of pain, because of distance geographically or spiritually or emotionally.
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  Speaker 3: And that's right, because life is about growth. But this
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  Speaker 3: is the question that comes to my mind. Why do
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  Speaker 3: we feel abandoned when seasons shift?
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  Speaker 2: That's a good question, and I'm glad that you asked it.
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  Speaker 2: I think it's important for us to address deepest wounds
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  Speaker 2: we experience. Is not always dramatic betrayal, although I've been
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  Speaker 2: there too, but the quiet ache of a friendship slowly
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  Speaker 2: drifting away. You know, just God created us for connection,
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  Speaker 2: So when a relationship changes, the brain often interprets that
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  Speaker 2: loss as danger rather than transition, because neuroscience shows us
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  Speaker 2: that the relational disconnection activates many of the same pain
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  Speaker 2: centers in the brain as physical pain, which is why
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  Speaker 2: the end of a friendship season can feel surprisingly devastating.
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  Speaker 2: We begin to question our worth, replay conversations, and wonder
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  Speaker 2: what we did wrong. But not every drifting relationship is
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  Speaker 2: evidence of rejection. Some friendships were meant for a particular season, assignment,
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  Speaker 2: or a stage of growth.
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  Speaker 3: That's right. And also we grow accustomed to their presence.
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  Speaker 3: It's like this comforting cup of coffee or tea. I
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  Speaker 3: look forward to make cup of coffee every morning. I
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  Speaker 3: anticipate the warmth, and I savor every sip, and then
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  Speaker 3: one day I miss it, and then another and another.
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  Speaker 3: And friendships can be like that too. We feel bereft
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  Speaker 3: without it, We feel uncomfortable, we feel abandoned. Scripture says
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  Speaker 3: that for everything, there is a season and a time
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  Speaker 3: for every matter under heaven. And that's from Ecclesiastes, chapter three,
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  Speaker 3: verse one. You see, I live in a portion of
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  Speaker 3: the country where I experience all four seasons in extremes.
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  Speaker 3: So I understand this first in literal sense. I have
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  Speaker 3: bitter cold to scorching heat. I even have the mud
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  Speaker 3: season and the wind season. I look forward to the
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  Speaker 3: changing seasons, but if I'm honest, I don't like it
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  Speaker 3: when my friendships change. It hurts.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, it does, and I'm glad that you mentioned Ecclesiastes.
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  Speaker 2: It reminds us that there is a time for every
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  Speaker 2: purpose under heaven, and that includes relationships. What feels like
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  Speaker 2: abandonment may actually be God lovingly reshaping your pruning unhealthy dependence,
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  Speaker 2: or making room for new connections that better align with
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  Speaker 2: where He's taking you. The loss may still hurt, but
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  Speaker 2: your value has never been determined by who stayed, who left,
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  Speaker 2: or slowly faded away. God remains constant even when people
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  Speaker 2: do not. And I think that was one of the
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  Speaker 2: biggest revelations that I had to come to, because the
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  Speaker 2: loss can be so great and you start to wonder
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  Speaker 2: what did I do and what did they not see
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  Speaker 2: in me? And how should I have been better? Yes,
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  Speaker 2: and so I'm hoping Jess that this conversation helps minimize
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  Speaker 2: shame that I think often comes with the loss of friendships,
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  Speaker 2: but also helps us see that there is a time
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  Speaker 2: and a space for everything that God has ordained. Suggs
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  Speaker 2: in your experience, why to changing friendships sometimes affect us
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  Speaker 2: more deeply then expected?
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  Speaker 3: Oh, I think that's a really good question, And the
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  Speaker 3: simplest answer is this, that our hearts and lives get intertwined,
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  Speaker 3: our roots tangle together, and it hurts when there's a separation.
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  Speaker 3: We wonder if our secrets are still safe. We question
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  Speaker 3: whether our hurts are still sacred to them and will
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  Speaker 3: they be paraded through the public square, or if the
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  Speaker 3: change happens because of distance and not brokenness, we wonder
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  Speaker 3: if we can still maintain the closeness despite miles between us.
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  Speaker 3: Not all friendships are meant to look the same forever,
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  Speaker 3: and that doesn't always mean that something went wrong.
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  Speaker 2: And I'm glad that you mentioned that about it's really
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  Speaker 2: that sacred space that we share with another. And I
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  Speaker 2: think one of the reasons why the loss of friendships
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  Speaker 2: or the change of friendships affects us so deeply is
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  Speaker 2: because frequently we don't know what happened. And I remember
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  Speaker 2: a season where a friendship of mine changed and I
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  Speaker 2: had exactly those thoughts that you mentioned, like I shared
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  Speaker 2: intimate personal vulnerable information. Was that going to be shared
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  Speaker 2: with other people going forward? Was I going to be
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  Speaker 2: put out on display? Those were things that I shared
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  Speaker 2: in confidence. But when a relationship changes, we don't always
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  Speaker 2: know the motive or the reason or what will happen
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  Speaker 2: as a result. Exactly like you said, you experienced four
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  Speaker 2: seasons all winter, spring, summer. It was a couple extra
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  Speaker 2: like mud and wind. I'm a little bit jealous of
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  Speaker 2: the four seasons. I miss that, not so much to
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  Speaker 2: the mud in the wind. But we want to walk
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  Speaker 2: you friends through some different types of friendship transitions, and
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  Speaker 2: we'll do that right after this brief from our sponsor.
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  Speaker 2: Before the break, we talked about why friendship transitions hurt
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  Speaker 2: so much. Now we want to turn our attention to
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  Speaker 2: some different types of friendship transitions. For example, we have
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  Speaker 2: school years, ministry seasons, parenting stages, and workplace friendships. Some
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  Speaker 2: people walk with us, but just for a specific chapter.
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  Speaker 3: Yes, when my youngest daughter went to college, we learned
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  Speaker 3: about band aid friendships. These are described as the friends
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  Speaker 3: we quickly gravitate too and we are thrust into a
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  Speaker 3: new place like college. These friendships are quickly made and
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  Speaker 3: they're formed out of a shared sense of trying to
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  Speaker 3: figure out where we belong in this new space. But
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  Speaker 3: as time passes and we grow more comfortable, we begin
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  Speaker 3: having different experiences and we make different friends. We can
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  Speaker 3: be grateful, though, for our band aid friends, because we
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  Speaker 3: offered comfort for each other's need for a sense of sikus,
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  Speaker 3: security and belonging in that mutual shared new space. But
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  Speaker 3: not all band aid friends are meant to deepen. They're
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  Speaker 3: there for a specific chapter in our lives.
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  Speaker 2: I remember experiencing exactly what you just said, those band
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  Speaker 2: aid friends, and it is that shared experience, that shared
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  Speaker 2: need that we both have at the same time. Another
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  Speaker 2: type of friendship transition is when the friendship deepens over time.
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  Speaker 2: This type of friendship gets built on honesty and grace,
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  Speaker 2: and it's sustained through intentionality, and it's tested through hardship
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  Speaker 2: and grows when we grow. I had a friend and
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  Speaker 2: that friendship started off as a band aid friendship. We
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  Speaker 2: were both hundreds of miles away from our spouses while
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  Speaker 2: we were on our clinical internship working towards our specialization
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  Speaker 2: in neuropsychology, and so we bonded quickly and interestingly enough,
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  Speaker 2: so did our spouses When they came to town. Now, when
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  Speaker 2: that internship ended, some friendships that were formed during that
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  Speaker 2: internship did end, but this particular one it deepened over time.
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  Speaker 2: We saw each other through the deaths in our families,
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  Speaker 2: the births of our children, later on through cancer and
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  Speaker 2: health conditions, our kids graduating, and now our kids getting
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  Speaker 2: married and having children of their own. But what I
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  Speaker 2: found is, after that initial stage, that band aid stage,
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  Speaker 2: if we wanted our friendship to grow, it did require intentionality.
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  Speaker 3: Yes, And this type of friendship I think is really
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  Speaker 3: rare because, like you said, use the word intentionality. It
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  Speaker 3: requires an intention on both parties to keep moving the
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  Speaker 3: friendship deeper. It requires clearing the schedule for unhurried times
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  Speaker 3: of visiting and sharing our hidden hurts. It means holding
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  Speaker 3: space for one another, shedding tears and praying for each other.
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  Speaker 3: It benefits from the question, Hey, you want to run
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  Speaker 3: Errand's with me? Yeah, it takes twice as long, but
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  Speaker 3: we have twice as much fun than if we go
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  Speaker 3: by ourselves.
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  Speaker 2: Oh that's so true. This type of friendship transition is treasured.
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  Speaker 2: But the flip side of that, Jess, is that there
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  Speaker 2: are those relationships that end in pain. It can be
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  Speaker 2: through betrayal, misalignment, emotional exhaustion, or one sidedness.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, you're so right, Michelle. I wish all friendships deepened
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  Speaker 3: into rare treasure, but honestly, sometimes they end in a
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  Speaker 3: dumpster fire. Betrayal causes us to wonder if we misread
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  Speaker 3: the friendship when we shared our deepest thoughts and feelings.
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  Speaker 3: Misalignment can happen when one friend wants to go deeper
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  Speaker 3: in their relationship with God and the other determines that
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  Speaker 3: they don't. I'll never forget the time when I offered
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  Speaker 3: to pray with a friend who was going through a
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  Speaker 3: really difficult season, and they said they didn't want to pray,
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  Speaker 3: they didn't want me to pray, and they didn't want
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  Speaker 3: me to share scripture with them anymore. And that's when
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  Speaker 3: I realized how far we had drifted. It was painful
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  Speaker 3: to hear her reject our.
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  Speaker 2: God, and then drifting hurts because you still have the
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  Speaker 2: longing or what was even when the other person has
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  Speaker 2: started to move on. And sometimes we're not aware when
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  Speaker 2: that starts, so when it becomes apparent, it's almost like
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  Speaker 2: a smack in the face because we weren't expecting it.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, so true.
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  Speaker 2: An emotional exhaustion can go hand in hand with a
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  Speaker 2: one sided relationship. I've had those times in Jessica. You
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  Speaker 2: probably have too, when someone always wants our comfort, our listening,
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  Speaker 2: ear our prayers, but doesn't reciprocate, and that can be draining.
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  Speaker 2: It also creates distance because there doesn't seem to be
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  Speaker 2: room for our hearts in the friendship. In fact, it
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  Speaker 2: often causes our hearts pain.
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  Speaker 3: It's true a one sided relationship can be a painful
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  Speaker 3: change in a friendship. And sometimes though there's no dramatic ending,
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  Speaker 3: there's just life. Schedules change, marriage and kids take priority
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  Speaker 3: and focus. One friend might need to relocate for various reasons.
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  Speaker 3: But this is the truth that I cling to and
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  Speaker 3: I've learned to trust that distance doesn't have to erase
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  Speaker 3: meaningful history. Friends. We're going to continue our conversation about
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  Speaker 3: God's faithfulness when friendships change after we take this brief
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  Speaker 3: break for a word from our sponsor.
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  Speaker 2: Welcome back to your Hope Field perspective. Today we're talking
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  Speaker 2: about God's faithfulness when friendships change. Before the break, we
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  Speaker 2: discussed why changes in friendships hurt and the different seasons
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  Speaker 2: of friendship. We're back now and turning our attention to
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  Speaker 2: biblical examples of friendship change. Jessica, I love how the
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  Speaker 2: Bible can be our source of teaching, encouragement, and hope
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  Speaker 2: with all of life. The example of Paul and Barnabas
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  Speaker 2: in Acts fifteen thirty six through forty one shows us
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  Speaker 2: how a changed relationship does not cancel the good that
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  Speaker 2: God once did through it. Paul and Barnabas traveled to
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  Speaker 2: different communities to spread the good news of Jesus, to
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  Speaker 2: establish churches, and to encourage followers of Christ. However, they
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  Speaker 2: had a disagreement and that included John Mark. On their
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  Speaker 2: second trip, Paul didn't want to include him because he
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  Speaker 2: left them midway through the journey. Barnabas disagreed with Paul
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  Speaker 2: and thought they should include Mark, so rather than going together,
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  Speaker 2: they chose different teammate and instead of one team sent
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  Speaker 2: out two teams went to encourage the churches. So their
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  Speaker 2: change in their friendship actually didn't diminish the work that
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  Speaker 2: God had done in them together, and it did not
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  Speaker 2: prevent more good from being done through them, Although I'm
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  Speaker 2: sure at the time that was pretty uncomfortable and left
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  Speaker 2: them all wondering what happened here.
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  Speaker 3: I think that's a great example, and I love how
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  Speaker 3: you touched on the fact that we assumed that there
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  Speaker 3: were hard feelings. It doesn't say that there were or
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  Speaker 3: were not, but we assumed that there might have been
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  Speaker 3: because we put ourselves into that story. We recognized the
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  Speaker 3: tearing of a partnership. But we also know that later
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  Speaker 3: in Paul's life, Ye commended John Mark for his work
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  Speaker 3: in promoting the Gospel, and he even asked for John
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  Speaker 3: Mark to come visit him. Another example of friendship chain
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  Speaker 3: was with David and Jonathan. This friendship reveals that some
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  Speaker 3: relationships leave a permanent impact, even when circumstances change. First,
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  Speaker 3: Samuel details the friendship between the two young men. One
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  Speaker 3: was the son of a king and probable rightful heir,
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  Speaker 3: but the other was the anointed king, and instead of jealousy,
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  Speaker 3: a deep friendship grew between them. And when Jonathan's father
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  Speaker 3: determined to kill David, it was Jonathan who protected him
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  Speaker 3: and aid it in his escape. His loyalty was not
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  Speaker 3: to the crown but to the King of kings, and
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  Speaker 3: through him David was saved.
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  Speaker 2: You know, their friendship makes me think about Jesus and
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  Speaker 2: the disciples, people came and went throughout his ministry. Many
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  Speaker 2: people followed him for what Jesus could do for them,
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  Speaker 2: and many decided to unfollow him when his teachings grew
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  Speaker 2: too challenging. And of course we can't forget about Judas.
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  Speaker 2: But here's the remarkable thing about that, even knowing that
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  Speaker 2: Judas would eventually betray Jesus, Jesus welcomed him as a friend. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Even Jesus experienced disappointment, abandonment, and relational grief.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah. So what we're basically saying is that we can
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  Speaker 3: learn from these biblical examples of friendship change, is that
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  Speaker 3: if friendship changed in scripture, then maybe we could stop
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  Speaker 3: seeing every relational shift as failure or rejection.
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  Speaker 2: So what do we do when friendships change? Let's turn
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  Speaker 2: our attention to practical steps. The first thing that I
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  Speaker 2: would say is to grieve. Honestly, friendship change hurts. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: sometimes it's unexpected and other times it's just a gradual change.
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  Speaker 2: Like we mentioned, it's important that we don't minimize the loss.
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  Speaker 2: A loss is a loss, whether it's big or it's small,
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  Speaker 2: and losses hurt, and it's also okay to miss them
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  Speaker 2: rather than welding that part of our hearts closed though,
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  Speaker 2: step into the hurt or recognize it, allow yourself to
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  Speaker 2: miss them.
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  Speaker 3: It's so good. Secondly, release unrealistic expectations. Not every friend
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  Speaker 3: can meet our every need for the rest of our lives.
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  Speaker 3: That's Jesus's job, and he does it better than any
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  Speaker 3: expectation we might place on a friend. Our friends can't
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  Speaker 3: be God or Holy Spirit or our Savior. They can
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  Speaker 3: be used by God to speak into our lives, to
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  Speaker 3: refine us and to encourage us, but they can't meet
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  Speaker 3: all our expectations. God is our everything, not our friendship.
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  Speaker 2: And I think sometimes that may be why God allows
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  Speaker 2: friendships to change. Sometimes I'm going to confess there have
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  Speaker 2: been times that I've shared things with a friend before
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  Speaker 2: I've taken it to the Lord. There are times that
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  Speaker 2: I look to friends for answers instead of in the
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  Speaker 2: Word of God first, and so sometimes that can lead
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  Speaker 2: to God saying, Okay, this season is over, I need
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  Speaker 2: you to turn your eyes back towards me. Yew. Third,
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  Speaker 2: I would recommend that you spend time appreciating what was good.
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  Speaker 2: This one can be hard to do, and I've been
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  Speaker 2: their friends, but especially if it was a once close
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  Speaker 2: friendship that's gone astray. If there was betrayal involved, the
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  Speaker 2: forgiveness process can take a while, but eventually we can
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  Speaker 2: look back and remember the good about that friendship, learn
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  Speaker 2: from it, appreciate it, cultivate it in other relationships. If
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  Speaker 2: there was a drift due to seasons of life, we
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  Speaker 2: can honor the friendship without forcing it back into its
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  Speaker 2: old form.
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  Speaker 3: That You've given us a lot to think about with
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  Speaker 3: step three, but I'm going to talk about Step four.
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  Speaker 3: Leave room for new friendships. Keep your hearts open when
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  Speaker 3: friendships change. It's tempting to close our hearts permanently to
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  Speaker 3: new friends. I've done this. I've held people at arm's
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  Speaker 3: length because I'm like, you can't come any further because
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  Speaker 3: my heart's been hurt in the past. What if I
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  Speaker 3: invest in this friendship and I still experience the same
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  Speaker 3: pain God has shown me. We must leave room for
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  Speaker 3: new friendships. Sometimes God uses changing friendships to make space
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  Speaker 3: for growth. Maybe we place too many expectations on them
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  Speaker 3: to meet our every need, and God wants us to
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  Speaker 3: look to him first when we face troubles. Just like
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  Speaker 3: what Michelle said just previously to this, or maybe a
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  Speaker 3: friendship isn't helping accomplish God's goals for our lives. Changes
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  Speaker 3: and friendships happen, but it's important to leave room for
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  Speaker 3: new friendships.
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  Speaker 2: Fifth, let God be your constant. God's present doesn't shift
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  Speaker 2: or drift or abandon or betray. Hebrews thirteen five b
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: through six tells us God has said, I will never
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: fail you, I will never abandon you. So we can
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: say with confidence, the Lord is my helper, so I
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: will have no fear. What can mere people do to
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: me when friendships change? Is tempting to look at other
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: people through a suspicious lens. We wonder if they will
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: be there for us. We wonder if they have trustworthy hearts.
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: We wonder if we will be safe in the friendship.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: But God has promised he is trustworthy. He is instant.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: He hears us when we call, He wipes away our tears.
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: He is constant, even when the friends in our lives
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: are not. Now, we have talked about biblical examples of
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: friendships which experience change, and we ate five tips for
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: when we experience changes in our friendships. But we want
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: to offer you a few more valuable.
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: Points discussing friendships. Changes can be a heavy, serious subject.
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: I've experienced changes in my friendships and it can hurt deeply.
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: But I also know that God can use all my
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: experiences and all my painful moments to refine me and
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: make me more like him. We want you to remember
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: these four things.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: One, you are not forgotten. Because a friendship changes, and
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: you know it feels like it. There are no more
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: texts or phone calls or sharing reels back and forth
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: on social media. The calendar dates are empty because get
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: togethers no longer take place. It feels lonely because the
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: spaces where your friendship took place are empty. But God
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: will not forget you. He sees you in the pain,
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: and he enters it with you. He is your shepherd,
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: restoring your soul as you rest in him.
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: Two, a friendship change is not proof that you are unlovable.
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: I know it can feel that way, especially if it
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: seems to happen on a semi regular basis. But I
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: want to remind you of what Romans Chapter eight, verses
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: thirty eight and thirty nine says. And I am convinced
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: that nothing can ever separate us from God's love, neither
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: death nor life, neither angels or demons. Neither our fears
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: for today, nor our worries about tomorrow. Not even the
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: power of hell can separate us from God's love. No
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: power in the sky above or in the earth below. Indeed,
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: us from the love of God that is revealed in
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: Christ Jesus our Lord. And nothing includes changes in friendships.
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: Hold on to the truth that you are lovable.
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: Number three. God still writes beautiful stories through changing relationships.
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: He's not done with you. He is writing his story
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: in your life, a life that can reflect a faithful heart,
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: a gentle spirit, and a generous friend. Your story, even
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: the messy parts, is being made into something beautiful.
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: And Fourth, some friendships may even return in healthier ways later.
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: Every one of us has our own stories, filled with
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: triumph and pain. God, in his way, likes us to
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: bring to a choosing point. Will we choose his way
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: of healing or will we choose our way of hiding.
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: Some friendships change based on how we answer that. But
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: God can redeem even the most painful parts of our stories,
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: and sometimes he restores a friendship we thought we lost.
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: Some people are meant to walk beside you forever. Others
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: were meant to help you carry you through a portion
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: of your journey, both their gifts and because of God's
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: constant faithfulness, we can thank Him for both, Jessica. If
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: a listener or a viewer is resonating with this conversation,
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: maybe they're feeling the staying and the pain of a
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: friendship transition. Maybe they've been there before and they're wondering.
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: I don't know if it's safe to open my heart again.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: I don't want to be hurt again. I don't want
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: to be taken off guard again. What fulfilled perspective would
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: you want to leave them with?
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: I would encourage you cultivate courage to trust God in
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: friendship transitions. He can heal your wounds and carry your confusion.
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: He can also eventually bring your heart to point where
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: you can't rejoice for that once upon a time friendship.
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: In the meantime, thank God for the ways this friendship
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: helped shape who you are becoming.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: And I would add to that that, as painful as
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: it is during friendship transitions, take the good and foster
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: that in new friendships. Remember what it felt like when
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: there was ambiguity, and strive to make you a better
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: communicator in friendships, be the friend you wish they had been.
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: But most of all, remember you always have a friend
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: in Jesus. Yeah, now, Jessica, you and I both know
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: this is painful. This is part of the reason that
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: we're talking about it in honor of National Friendship Deck
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: because sometimes we know the sting. We've both been there.
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: We've had conversations about this between us and even on air,
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: so friend because we know we're not minimizing this at all,
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: but we want you to see that we've come to
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: realize even during those painful times, God is faithful. So
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: as we close out this episode, I just want to
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: pray for you, Father God. I thank you for the
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: listener and the viewer. You might be resonating with his conversation.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: They might be going through a friendship transition and wondering
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: what happened or what did I do wrong? And Lord,
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: I know that you don't always provide the answers to
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: the questions that we have, but you do provide your presence.
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: You do offer wisdom when we ask for it. You
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: have promised to be our comforter and you are our
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: peace Father. Would you be that to them right now?
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: In a very tangible way. Would you just wrap your
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: arms around them and let them know that other people's
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: choices doesn't dictate our worth. Are worth and valued. Were
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: settled the day that Jesus gave up his life, and
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: in doing so he determined you, my friend, are worthy. Mother.
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: Remind them of that, Remind them of your everlasting love,
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: and help them to use this experience to be a
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: better reflection of you in their future friendships. Lord, we
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: thank you that you don't waste our pain and that
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: you promise that you will bring good from it for
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: those who love you and are called according to your purpose. Mother,
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: Thank you for that in Jesus' name, I pray, Jess,
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: thank you for another great conversation. Sometimes I wish our
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: conversations weren't born out of our own painful experiences, but
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: I am so grateful that God uses them and that
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: in that we can share hope with others. Friends, if
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: there was something in today's episode that resonated with you,
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: or you know someone who's struggling in a friendship transition.
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: They're walking through the pain after our friendship has ended,
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: would you please consider sharing this episode with them so
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: that they too will have a biblically based hope filled perspective.
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: I look forward to being with you again next week
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: for another hope field perspective. But in the meantime, it's
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: my preyer for you, friend, that you have a hope
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: filled week.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: Everyone experiences pain at times. It can manifest physically, emotionally, relationally,
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: or spiritually. It can follow tragic accidents, great loss, sudden betrayal,
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: or unexpected and unwanted change. Often pain is temporary, but
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: what do you do when it isn't? When pain won't
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: go away, healing does not come, and grief and hurt
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: settle in to stay. Drawing on her experience of chronic
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: pain in her years as a board certified clinical neuropsychologist,
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: doctor Michelle Bankson provides a countercultural perspective on pain, offering
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: hope without any false promises or empty platitudes. Doctor Benkson
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: unwraps the complex emotional aspects of dealing with pain. She
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: gives you permission to question God, helps you identify the
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: lies you've believed about your pain, and reorients your perspective
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: based on the truth of God's word. Each chapter ends
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: with a recommended playlist, reflection questions, and a prayer. Your
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: pain may not change, but your experience with it can.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: Doctor Sandra Dalton Smith, physician, best selling author, and a
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: host of the I Choose My Best Life podcast, had
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: this to say about the Hem of His Garment. Doctor
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: Michelle Benkson is honest and transparent, and she gives the
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: reader permission to ask hard questions in practical guidance on
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: how to seek God during times when you feel the
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: most wounded. A beautiful gift for every person living with pain,
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: Holy Girth. Best selling author of What Your Mind Needs
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: for Anxious Moments says pain is inevitable, but enduring it
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: alone is optional. Doctor Michelle Bankson is a voice of
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: hope who will speak into your struggles at helping hand
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: who will point you to Jesus and a wise guide
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: who will lead you through what you're facing so you
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: can embrace more of what our good God has for you.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: Pick up a copy of The Hem of His Garment
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: for you and a friend wherever books are sold.
• 32:34
  Speaker 4: Thank you for joining doctor Bankson for your hope build perspective.
• 32:39
  Speaker 4: We hope you are encouraged by her authenticity, vulnerability, and
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: biblical truths. If you enjoy today's conversation, when you take
• 32:47
  Speaker 4: a moment. Right now, open up your podcast app and
• 32:50
  Speaker 4: look for the subscribe button right next to our podcast
• 32:53
  Speaker 4: profile image. We think this podcast is best.
• 32:56
  Speaker 5: Enjoyed with friends, so tell a friend and click share
• 32:58
  Speaker 5: and in your podcast app and send a friend or
• 33:01
  Speaker 5: link to share Hope with them. If you have a comment, question,
• 33:05
  Speaker 5: or suggest a topic for a future show, reach out
• 33:08
  Speaker 5: to our staff at info at Hope Prevails dot org.
• 33:11
  Speaker 5: For additional resources.
• 33:13
  Speaker 4: Information about doctor Bankson's books where free downloads, or to
• 33:17
  Speaker 4: contact her to speak at your next event, Please visit
• 33:20
  Speaker 4: doctor Mishelbe dot com.
• 33:22
  Speaker 5: Until next time, May you have a hope filledweek.
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: I'd like to take just a second to thank the
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: team at Life Audio for their partnership with us on
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: this podcast. If you go to lifeaudio dot com, you'll
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: find dozens of other faith centered podcasts in their network.
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: They've got shows about prayer, Bible study, parenting, and more.