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Why Do Narcissists Temporarily Discard You · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  Is it the final discard by a narcissist or is it a mini?
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  A little mini discard? That's what we're talking about
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  today, y'all. Whether the narcissist is
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  completely done with you or whether or not they'll come back
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  into your life over and over and over and over again.
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  Because this is the patterns. Of course, if you're new here,
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  my name is Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist
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  myself. And welcome to another episode
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  of Read Narcissist Code. Welcome back, folks.
• 0:42
  Welcome back. Welcome back.
• 0:43
  Yes, this topic was actually suggested last night in my
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  support group meeting by one of my support members and whatnot.
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  And she was talking about she, like, Lee, how do you know it's
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  the final discard? Like me and my partner have been
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  on and off for years and years and years.
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  They would do this and then they'll always eventually seem
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  like they always eventually come back.
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  They'll do something, they'll lie, they'll just ghost me.
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  And then they'll always come back like this is the final
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  discard. And I was just like, you know
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  what? I don't think that's the final
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  discard. That seems like a mini, a mini
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  discard or a temporary discard, right?
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  Because like many discards make it seem like I'm minimizing
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  things like it doesn't hurt as much or whatever the case may be
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  a temporary discard, like a temp discard.
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  Like sometimes narcissists don't always get rid of you fully,
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  right? Some narcissistic people, toxic
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  people will absolutely, positively just break up with
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  you here and there because they feel like it's that is they said
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  they feel like it's warranted, warranted right now.
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  Are there narcissists out there who will completely get rid of
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  you? Yes, yes, those exist.
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  They will get complete. They will completely get rid of
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  you, break up with you, tear your heart to pieces, and will
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  not care about it. Right.
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  That happens so many times in these situations, but there are
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  a ton of narcissists who will just temporarily discard you.
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  And there's a big difference between the two, right?
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  A temporary discard means that that person will eventually come
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  back into your life in some way, shape or form.
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  They'll be back into your life. They'll temporarily discard you
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  and you'll, you'll hear from them a couple weeks, days, days,
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  weeks, months, sometimes years down the road.
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  Y'all be knowing when I'm doing my one on ones over Zoom, which
• 2:29
  are still available at mentalillness.net.
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  When I'm doing my one on ones over Zoom, there is a huge
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  contingent of people that I talked to that have been in
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  these long term on and off relationships.
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  Like the relationship is on and off.
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  Like we break up, we broke, probably, we probably broken up,
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  broken up. We've probably broken up 100
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  times over the last 17 years, 15 years, 10 years or something
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  along those lines. That'd be happening right there.
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  Like it'd be on and off for years.
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  And I tell people that's an example of being temporarily
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  discarded. And sometimes you might be the
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  one to break up with them, right?
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  But the temporary, the big difference is like the
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  seriousness of it, not serious. What's a better word for that
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  big difference is like what what they actually do.
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  Like if a narcissist is finally discarding you, which I believe
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  the final discard is really up to you.
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  But let's just say the narcissist does the final
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  discard, right? It's going typically going to be
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  something huge. They're going to do or say
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  something that they think that there is no coming back from.
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  They're going to say or do something that they themselves
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  think that there is no coming back from.
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  And what I mean by that is that they'll do like they'll they'll
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  cheat on you with your boss or your sister or your brother or
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  something like that, somebody that's close to you, your your
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  best friend or something along those lines.
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  Something that that pretty much is no coming back from.
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  Now. Have I heard stories where the
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  narcissist has cheated with a best friend or a sibling and the
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  survivor or victim took them back and cut the sibling or best
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  friend off? Yeah, I hear those stories too.
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  It's neither here nor there, but most time if a narcissist is
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  finally discarding you or just doing the, the permanent discard
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  or whatever the case may be, like they will like do something
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  horrible that's beyond measure. That's like, you can't there.
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  There's pretty much no coming back from now.
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  The, the I said pretty much no coming back from, because
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  sometimes people do come back from these things, right?
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  Like sometimes they'll hit you, like they'll punch you right in
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  your mouth, ghost you, break up with you.
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  You know what I'm saying? They'll ghost you, say something
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  horrible, do something horrible. They'll do all of this stuff,
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  right? And they, they know that there's
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  no coming back from it. They'll be extremely cold,
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  callous evil at the end. And that's sometimes how you
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  know it's the final discard, right?
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  You know, it's the final discard.
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  This person, you might not hear from this person again.
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  Even if you have children with them.
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  I know their questions going to come up.
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  Lee. What if you have kids with them?
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  Even if you have kids with them, you might not hear from them
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  anymore, which again, is tough. I know it's tough.
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  I know it's tough to even hear that happens.
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  That type of stuff right there. They're like, well, Lee, damn.
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  Like even we have, even though we have kids together, they
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  might not ever talk to me again. Yeah.
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  Yeah. These a lot of narcissistic
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  people will absolutely abandoned their children and not think
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  twice about it. They'll leave you and the kids
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  behind. They don't care.
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  You know what I mean, they absolutely will abandoned their
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  children, they will disappear for good and you'll never hear
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  from them again. Like a damn like one of the old
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  stories right that be happening. That's horrible, but it happens.
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  So you like I said the final discord, they normally do
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  something grandiose over the top horrible.
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  They pop out with a new supply and post that new supply
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  everywhere. They do something that there is
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  no coming back from typically, especially like reputation wise,
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  like if they pop out with a new supply with a new partner and
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  they're posting them all online, typically they're not coming
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  back to you, right? Typically they're moving around,
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  they're doing something, they're saying something like typically
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  they're doing all of this stuff like they're if they pop out a
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  new supply, typically they're not coming back around again.
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  I say typically because sometimes they will, you know,
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  that's why I tell people the final discard is typically up to
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  you. You have to be the one that's
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  done with it. Or sometimes they will try to
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  come back after they do something evil to you.
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  And sometimes if you're not healed or moving forward on your
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  journey, you'll take them back and you'll be out here looking
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  silly because they, they love to make you look silly right now,
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  these temporary discards, the mini discards, the smaller
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  discards, right? They are still bad, right?
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  They are also still bad. I'm not trying to minimize
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  anybody's experience with what they're going through, but the
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  temporary of these, the, the mini discard, they're going,
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  they can still do some of the same things they've done in the
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  permanent discard or the main discard, right?
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  But the temporary, the mini discard, they're going to do
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  they, they might just, they be, they'll be cheating on you and
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  lying to you about it, right? They'll sometimes they'll make
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  you discard them. They'll the, the reverse discard
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  will happen. They will be the ones that make
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  you be the one that discards them.
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  You discard them, you get rid of them, you break up with them.
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  That'd be happening too. That happens quite a bit
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  actually. Like will you?
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  They'll break up with you. I mean, like, they'll start
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  treating you horribly because they have a secret supply,
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  right? They'll start treating you
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  horribly. They'll start disconnecting from
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  you. They'll start creating distance
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  in the relationship. You won't hear from them as much
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  anymore. Like you feel disconnected from
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  the person and they start treating you badly so you break
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  up with them and then they pop out with a new supply and they
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  have the excuse. You broke up with me.
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  What do you expect me to do? You?
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  You expect me to wait around for you to make your mind up?
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  I have a life to live too. I want to live my life as well.
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  They will do that. They'll pop off for you just
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  like that. And then look, do they have a
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  valid point? Sometimes, right?
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  You you'd be like, well damn, they are right.
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  I did break up with them. So who am I to say that they
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  can't move on? Who am I to say that they can't
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  do this? They can't do that.
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  And then guess what happens when you start talking like that?
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  Guess what happens? Guess what happens when you
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  start talking like that? They then will pop back around
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  like I said they did. We'll pop back around later on
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  and say hey, I broke up with the new supply, I broke up my new
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  boot. Things didn't work out.
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  I can't believe I broke up. We broke up.
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  Let's let's get back together. Let's give this another chance.
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  Mini or temporarily discard the temporary discards be happening
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  sometimes because they do want to go out here and cheat and
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  mess around but they don't want to be called a cheater or
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  messing around so they will initiate a breakup.
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  Like not all the times where they make you be the one to
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  break up with them. Sometimes they'll just break up
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  with you. This isn't working out for me or
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  the OR the big one. They'll ask you for space.
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  They will ask you for space. I just need, I think we will.
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  I really need what I really read, what I really need right
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  now is just some space from the relationship.
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  I just need some space to feel better by myself.
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  I just need some space. I'm going through some stuff
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  mentally and I just need some space right now just to things
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  are going crazy in my mind right now and I don't know what else
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  to do. I just really need some space
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  from everything right now. I just need to be able to to
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  branch out and do my thing. I just, it's, I think the space
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  will be good for the both of us and doing this, doing this space
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  that they ask you for, they'll be asking with somebody else,
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  they'll be talking to somebody else, they'll be trying to deal
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  with somebody else, right? They'll be going out here, going
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  on dates, they'll be getting on dating apps, they'll be doing
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  this type of stuff, doing this space.
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  But again, doing these temporary or mini discards, they'll
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  somehow some, like sometimes they'll stay in contact with you
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  to make sure that there's still some access, right?
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  They'll stay in contact with you to make sure or to verify that
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  they still have access to you because that's what works out
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  for them. They want it to be this way.
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  They want to make sure if regardless of how, what, what
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  kind of standings that you're on, that they still have some
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  type of access to you because that benefits them, that works
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  out best for them. That's how that goes right
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  there. They almost all they always want
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  to have some type of access or some type of space to you or be,
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  you know, in your vicinity because it helps.
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  Let's keep your hot and ready. They help us them out.
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  That's really real. That's where it goes.
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  That's the space that so many people fall into right there.
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  They are doing this type of stuff because they still want
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  access to you. They want to mess around, they
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  want to cheat, they want to lie, they want to go out.
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  They want to go out here and test the market, play the field,
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  so to speak. But they still want access to
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  you. So they'll still call you and
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  text you. They might not.
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  It just might not be with the frequency that it normally is.
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  And so that's something that you absolutely have to prepare for
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  as well. It might not be the same
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  frequency, you know what I mean? They'll still be talking to you,
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  texting you, calling you, blah, blah, blah, Boo Boo, Boo BB.
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  But then at the end of the day, they'll still be disconnected.
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  You know, they'll still be emotionally or mentally
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  disconnected from you. This is what happens in the mind
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  of a narcissist. This is the type of stuff that
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  they will absolutely do. So you have to be prepared for
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  like the temporary discards or not.
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  Like I said, the temp. Let me say this right here in
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  closing. The temporary discards could
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  absolutely transition the permanent discards if they find
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  a new supply that sticks, a lot of times they don't trust the
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  fact that the new supply will stick around.
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  So they will keep you around. They will try to keep access to
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  you, keep coming in and out of your life.
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  And if they find somebody that they that they that they think
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  will stick, they will leave you for long alone for good.
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  So sometimes the temporary or the mini discard becomes the
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  final discard as well. Y'all, and again I'll say this
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  too, sidebar, go to the sidebar. Little little rant, little rant
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  bubble to end it. Y'all got to stop playing these
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  on and off games with these narcissistic people.
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  Like seriously, if you've been on and off for 10/15/20 years
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  out, chances are you're not greater.
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  Chances are that you're not going to end up with this
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  person. I know there's so many people
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  just like Willie. I feel like I'll be wasting so
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  much time. It's not a waste of time if you
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  stop it and cut it off right now.
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  If you stop it, if you stop the on and off stuff, it's not a
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  waste of time. It's when you realize and you
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  wake up to understand what's going on after that moment, then
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  it becomes wasting time because you know what you're up against.
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  A lot of times you don't know you're dealing with a
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  narcissistic person. So you you don't know what
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  you're up against. So you're you're going back and
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  forth, you're doing this type of stuff.
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  But once you wake up and understand what you're going
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  through, then it's the then it's like, then it's like the clock
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  is ticking. You see what I'm saying?
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  The clock is now ticking right now and whatnot.
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  It really is. So when the clock starts
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  ticking, is this when things are going, Like I said, when you
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  understand what you're going through, understand the
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  experience, understand the battle and whatnot, that's when
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  the clock is. That's when it becomes a waste
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  of time. So the on and off games for
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  years, especially if y'all don't have kids or you don't have
• 12:34
  property together, you never live together, you're not
• 12:36
  married. What are we doing here?
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  5610 years, 5/10/15 years on and off of this person.
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  What are we doing? You know what I'm saying?
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  I just want the best for you. I want I want you to win anyways
• 12:49
  y'all, this week is the week, the week the first episode of
• 12:53
  Mental Illness podcast is launching this week.
• 12:55
  I'm so excited. If you want to be featured on
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