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Red Skelton - Photography · Red Skelton

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From the elections are beginning to come in. NBC will interrupt for any outstanding
0:06
election developments. We would like to thank the Democratic and Republican parties for relinquishing
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their time that this program could be heard. The medical clients offers proved positive
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no other leading cigarette. It's you less nicotine, less throat irritating tars than
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the new, smoother, better tasting Raleigh Ron Pollio the Raleigh Cigarette Program starring
0:54
Red Scouting with David Forrester and his orchestra, a singing starrned Alice Gg,
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Perrison, Bernad Felton, Papa Wiful Cleth and you're a sully Rod O'Connor.
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That's a pleasure to bring himut for Golden Mares Popular Committee of the Star.
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They're all the singarette programs, Red Help, Thank you very much, and
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good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Nine O three Rod, nine O three,
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Red Red Catcher. Let me in on that. Surely someone besides you
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knows what it means. Nine O three means, yes, Rod, there's
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only one other guy, Kilroy. Well, you know that beautiful girl that
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came in last week and said Nino three, Yeah, Well, I haven't
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kind of showing her around, thinking she might give me a clue, you
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know, like a picture. Yeah, she's pretty as a picture too,
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you know, Yeah, she's in focus all over to say by the little
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laughing this week, I see, Yes, I read the small print in
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my contract. Yeah, could run away with a shell. I get along
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with your camera hobby. Well, I think I'm beginning to click now.
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I'm just getting onto my four by five speed graphic. What is that?
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Four by five mets? That means four out of five of my pictures come
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out blank? Was it hard to work a speed graphic? No, it's
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very simple. First you consult your light meter, then you check the distance
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finder, then you set your limbs opening, and then the shutter speed,
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and then click and you've got a picture. No, you forgot to put
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the film man, but you had your own dark room. Yeah, we
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forgot to pay the light bill last morning. Oh she did come back girl
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with that last week. Mister Skelton, I don't mean to bother you when
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you do. I was wondering you're interested in photography. Could I have prose
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for you sometime? Well? I really don't know. Well could you take
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my picture in a bathing suit? Well? Yes, but it's rather chilly
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for me to be running around the baiting when you think it over and when
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you want to call me, I'm in the book. Well, can't be
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too choosy where we live these days. Good Bye, Now, I'll be
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seeing you, mister O'Connor nine o three, nine o three. Well,
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it looks like she's got your number. Yeah, I'm not even a Well
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now, folks, we have a surprise for Red. Here's mister Koi Watson
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with the Los Angeles Press Photographers Association. Go here to buy me up.
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No, we finally decided to accept you as one of our members. Now
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that you've learned to operate your camera correctly, we want you to be one
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of us. Red. We've listened to your show and decided that you should
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really be a member. The boys like me. Huh yes, yes,
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we figured you'll be needing a job anytime at the rate you're going. Now,
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this is not my business. You know that my mother doesn't know that
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I'm on the radio or in pictures. At the fact, she's never seen
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me break her heart if she knew I was in show business. She thinks
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I'm a bookie. But seriously, Red, the Boys of the Los Angeles
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Press Photographers Association recognize you, as do thousands of others, as one of
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the greatest showmen in the country, and as we also know, having worked
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with you in the past years, that you are one of the most cooperative
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stars in Hollywood. But above this, we consider you a regular guy and
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a real fellow. And it was with these thoughts in mind that we,
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the news photographers representing the Los Angeles newspapers, national news syndicates, and the
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national Motion picture news reels, voted to make you an honorary member of this
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association, and so in behalf of our ninety seven active members. Hi,
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the president of this group, takes sincere pleasure and presenting to you your gold
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membership card in the Los Angeles Press Photographers Association. Well, thank you very
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much. I'm all right read, but don't forget to draw the slide now.
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Medical science offers proof positive no other leading cigarette gives you less nicotine less
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road They were tating tars than the new smoother, better tasting. Really,
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yes, proof positive, no other leading cigarette gives you less nicotine less road
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They werotating tars than the new Raley. Scientific tests of America's six leading brands
6:03
based on the method used by the United States government. Tests certified by a
6:09
jury of fourteen doctors have proved conclusively no other leading cigarette gives you less nicotine
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less throat irritating tars than Rawley's, So smokers enjoy than you smoother and better
6:19
tasting rallies. And remember medical science offers proved positive no other leading cigarette gives
6:26
you less nicotine less throat irritating tars than the new Raleigh cigarettes. And now
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three red and uh a Nader is going to sing tonight. A garden in
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the rain is just a god little lame. A touch of colors, guys
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of bird, the range drops kissed the flow, the blasting raised that percy
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of perfume. Thank you thing said, Sure he was charing beyond compact to
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babe, it was just that I listened with you, was just listen game
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rain. But then the sun came out again and samples happy, Oh the
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way. Surely he was charmed beyond complete to do. Maybe it was just
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that I was with you, Joe. But then the son came out again
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and samples happen, Oh to night castire. The story is in a Skelton
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scrap book of satire is about photography. Our characters are fictional. If you
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can picture such people living, you'll find that they're out of focus and should
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be overexposed. Character twenty seven is entitled you want to see a picture?
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I doubt if there's a father alive who hasn't proudly forced the stranger to look
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at the photograph of his wife or children. And Willie Lumplump is our victim
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service, Sir, what are you gonna have? You serve tea here?
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Oh? Yes, we do. Why I was in the wrong place,
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mister lap lamp? Well, well, what are you going to eat today?
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Food? For a change. I'll hurry it up. But you haven't
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honored yet. I'm in a hurry. I'll order a wallow meating. He
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got any meat? I likes to meet? You? Got what I mean?
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Yes, Sam? We got chicken roasted toasted fries, dude, And
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I like chicken, chicken, chicken. I've beaten some like chicken the last
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two years. I'm getting a foul mine. I don't have a cup of
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tea. A cup of tea? Do you mind if I sit here,
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buddy, not at all. I'm just having a cup of tea. You
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know I usually drink can he coffee keeps me awake. My name is Long
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Thompson. I didn't catch your name. I didn't throw it. It's wooly
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ump for him? How do you spell with two lumps? Neck? Oh,
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here's your teeth? Anything else I can do for you? Yeah?
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Homer nos while I drink it. Brother, you have what is generally known
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as bets and the belfry. Yeah. And what's more, they ring a
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chime every hour on the hour. By the way, how is your wife?
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You trying to start an argument? I like it. If I'm married,
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I don't know. I was track. Oh how old were you when
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you got married? We were both twenty nine. I'm thirty two now I'm
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my wife twenty six. Anyway, I'm celebrating my wooden wedding anniversary. Wooden
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wedding, that's five years. Oh, we'll been married too. But she's
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a blockhead, you boy, and she nag rude wine nick nag. Now,
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I guess I'm lucky. My wife's an angel. I'm sorry. How
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long have you been dead? I didn't mean it that way. I meant
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that she's kind. Oh, I should we have three kids? Have you
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been blessed? Yeah? We ain't got any. Well, maybe you be
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happier if you had a youngster. You can watch them grow up and follow
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your footsteps. Oh, they couldn't follow my footsteps. I hardly made it
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here, Mosel. Don't happen to have a picture of your wife on you?
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Dah? Yeah, I mind, that's why I got this shocked express
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you know? I mean, don't you have a photograph? No? I
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can't get a picture developed. They're afraid to stay in the dark room with
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a face. You'd be lots happier if you carried a picture. Would you
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care to see the pictures of my wife and kids? No? I wouldn't.
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What did you say, I said, No, I don't want to
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see him? Just a second, wise guy. I am a proud father,
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and it's been the customs since the beginning of photography for a man to
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carry pictures of his kids. Thanks why I never liked the Indians, do
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you They didn't stop with carrying pictures. They carried the kids to lone.
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Take a second to show him. I don't want to see him, Bob.
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If you don't mind, Bob, I don't want to see him.
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I came in here for a cup of tea, nothing else. Look all
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the time I was in the army, I allly did was looking pictures going
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across the ocean in Italy every five minutes. Some guys can watch your picture
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my wife. Good, I did watch your picture of a kid? Yeah,
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I kid, youse. Kids have some of the ugliest things. I
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haven't Now I'm I don't have to look at them things anymore, and I
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don't want to see yours. If you don't mind, I'll just have my
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tea. Look wise guy, Yeah, let go my lapel. You're going
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to look at my family pictures? Are I'll take you out to my truck
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and wind you around the cranks. Now, come on, let go my
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suit, will you? Hey, Bob Hope, he's got an award for
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being best dressed sportsman. You know you know what he was wearing at the
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time. But what have bing Crosby shirts? You truck clim Oh? Well,
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why didn't you say that? Here? You don't have to if I
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any chance to have a picture of your beautiful wife and kids when you do,
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Uh, would you really like to see them? Would you really would?
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Is really? Well, let's not get sickening about it. Gosh,
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I ain't showed them for so long. I almost forgot what they look like.
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It's been all ten minutes. Let's see what I do with them.
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Here are here my wallet. I've got some pictures of my kids. Hey,
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it kid looks like Abraham Lincoln. Give me back that five dollar pill
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had too many wrinkles for young prick. Now medical science offers proof positive,
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no other leading cigarette gives you less nicotine less throat debritating tars than the new
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smoother, better tasting Ray. Yes, proof positive, no other leading cigarette
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gives you less nicotine less throat irritating tars than the new Ray. That lovely
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star of the Shocking Miss Pilgrims, Betty Grable says, quote, I've read
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reports and medical science has proved no other leading cigarette gives you less nicotine.
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Let's throat irritating tars. That's why I've switched to Rallies for smoking place right,
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Betty Grable. Those tests were based on the method used by the United
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States government. So friends enjoy than you smoother, better tasting Ray. And
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remember, medical science offers proof positive. No other leading cigarette gives you less
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nicotine less throat irritating tars than the new Raleigh cigarettes. David Forrester. Now
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introduces a new number by Gil Baumguard, one of our outstanding young composers.
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It's called Frustration. Chapter twenty eight is entitled Amateur Photographers. Children are always
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interested in pictures, and a great pastime for them would be let them have
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a camera of their own. Junior, where are you, dear? Are
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you in the kitchen near the cookie jar? No, I'm in the living
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room, Junia. How would you like to do something? Well, I'm
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not kind of weak from life of sleep, you know. I didn't take
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me now for well, I wanted to send John an Errand to the drug
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store. You mean when they got their ice cream cones pineapple flow. Yes,
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I'm still a little weak, but I think I can hobble down now.
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I'm not going to give you money for any of those things, Junior.
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They're bad for your stomach. Well, I won't follow them here.
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I'll just take them and didn't fit them out, you know. But I
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only wanted to get the film I left there to be developed. Oh you
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mean the grand clok. Yes, I'm dying to see how they came out.
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They'll be blurred like they always you know, world we get can't get
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nothing and focus. That's because he's nearsighted, beer sided. And while you're
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at the drug store, ask the man to reload this box camera for me.
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And here's a dollar and a court Okay, okay, all right,
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now you take that and read keeat what you're supposed to do at the drug
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store, Well, get your pictures, reload your camera, and pick up
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a few gum drops. I didn't say anything about gum drop, I know,
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but you will when I get home. Do you want to take your
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dog? No, he got fleas. I don't want to take h embarrass
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his meer. Gush he squatches right out in the open. Will if it
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had so many fleas, why don't you give him a back? Never,
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boy, I wouldn't give him anything. I wouldn't take myself. Come on,
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if we're gonna Junior, be careful crossing the street. The car might
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hit you don't have bumpers, No, they don't. And you don't want
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the cave in front of a car in Okaya. Oh, I'm sorry,
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little not okay, I'm not hurt. You just knocked me down with your
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aunt you see. Well, goodbye, and remember nine o three, nine
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o three. I got a feeling of stuff like that. It's gonna make
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me lose interest in me. Tricycle wall, get a funny shot, won't
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nobody looking. I think I'll spend some of these schools around at the county.
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Junior stopped. Stop spending these empty schools around. Well, you're too
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heavy with your people in them there. I can't explain them with a Hey
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when my grandma want them pictures, she left her to be developed, and
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she wants you to reload the box camera here. Well that's simple. Let
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me have the camera. Sun. Look, don't call me Shane if you
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don't mean it, because my grandma. You're awful quick on the uptake,
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you know, Junior, I'd love to have a little boy like you.
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You've been drinking and prescriptions to get anxious. I'll here's your camera, all
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of it. Now you better get home. Okay. I want to learn
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how to take pictures. I haven't the time the teacher, you got time
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to sweep up the store? No I have. Can you better show me
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how to take picture? I said, beat it? Oh yeah, not
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going to tell me that boy, you don't kill me. Oh all right,
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take pictures with this camera. I had just looked through this little window
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on the top movie big fat head. Will you and when you see what
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you want, push down on this little level. Yeah, just turn this
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little nobb until you come to another number. Well here I am three years
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you and I didn't know that. Well, live and learn. I always
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said, this is the rate you're learning. You won't live long now.
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It all comes to a dollar twenty five. Here's a dollar. Take it
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out of that doughter's not enough. I can't take it out of that.
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Well, give it back to me. I don't force money on anybody.
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Your grandmother must have given you more money, another quarter perhaf No she didn't
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know. And what if you got your fist doubled up like that for I
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still hit you in the nose if you try to take this quarter out of
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the other head. Oh so you do have another quarter? All right,
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take a take it down. No means enough to meet me, poor little
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piggy back. I'll go to bed with it. He's shepperate and well,
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I'm sorry, junire. Here's a peppermint con soul. I don't want one.
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You don't know I want to. Here's your camera. Goodbye, Come
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on skip me, come on by, come on my one. A nice
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day. Everybody looks so happy widow. Does they know I room in the
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streets loose, brand new one boy, that's really new? What you matter?
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But you never ground unless there's something wrong. Don't you like that car?
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Or you just growl them like everybody else cause you I'm gonna take a
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picture of the car. Throw the grandma here? You mean you get him
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getting down the fixed? Shoot tastes. There's one standing here all by himself.
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I think I'm moozy over and see what's cooking around? Hey? You
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missed? Then? Okay, kid, keep moving. We're doing a little
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job on the inside. Nothing but a big fag out where you there's your
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grandmother? How do you know? You know? You know? Mike dog
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don't like you? He goes, that's tough. Don't get going, kid,
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Head from home before you get hurt. Well I can get hurt there.
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I guess he's fast. You know, Hey, why didn't you go
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in the bank with you buddies? They won't let me go with him.
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I don't use puns. Oh, I couldn't use that guy either, now,
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Uh, don't you know? I do like you? Look, I've
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never seen somebody so henry looking at me like since I looked in the mirror
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last. I never seen nobody that yet moving kids. When my friends come
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out of that bank, there's leble to be some fireworks. Fireworks. Well
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again, you wouldn't mind having a little punk like me around. Then I'm
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warning her for the last time. Oh you got a water place, so
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too. I can see you done your cook squirt me with it? God
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squeak me on your way here, don't go, and I don't be carry
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the ripping. You see how he's frowning at if he protects me, well,
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come on and get come under the car and protect me. I'm going
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to count three, and if you ain't out of sight, I'm gonna take
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your picture. Foot you can't take my picture? Come on, I can't
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take Come on? Good? I right? Is that you? I?
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You know I've been running to fast house way beyond me? So? Oh
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yes, why here's a sheet. I mean, I'm cattletail Gray. What's
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happened? Well, I was walking past the bank and she men jump out
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a great big crn and went inside. And they had guns, old cannons.
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They got dirty looking bunch of bank robbers. They want how do you
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know they were a bank cropping? They all look like comforty bull guard.
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Now, who could I don't know about eight to five? Whoever? They
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say looking for me? No, no, no, don't roll up with
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your door up to cover. They're gonna take me for a while. Don't
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how did that birdcake? They'd have to take me too. Maybe they're enough
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room, you know, Kay, it's off John. We just received word
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that Junior was a with the snow Bank horn up. I ain't talking telling
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me, mousspe what about a round the block away? He said he saw
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the boy take a picture of one of the banders escaping. No, the
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insurance company would pay two thousand dollars for the pictures, they say identify the
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boutles ten thousand dollars. Couldn't it t keep me in bubble gum for the
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rest of me life? W I'll go get the camera. I go get
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the tell now hit it under the port. There you is. You were
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no money making rascal. You. I'm gonna see if the pictures you're in
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focused. Look at the pictures. See red and black on one side and
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yellow stuff in the middle. My eyes must be getting bad. I don't
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remember taking anything like that. Well, you can save your money. Here's
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the film took it out of camera and dog blank, oh soon you didn't
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has to be developed first. Now she tells me, sorry, fish competence,
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Well you stay here, I'm gonna go catch them crooks and get me
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bubble gum money. You're too little, No I'm not. I take some
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rocks with me. Now put your jumps on their head so big. When
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the ambulance come, the pumps will ride. Now have to walk behind the
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wire, gosh, sneak up to their hideout, and no riddle me to
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pick with a fute gun and nick got gun. And then they're gonna keep
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right on working, gonna blow me down the fifteen gun fire and there I
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will be dead, a hero against crime. No, no, no,
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he scared me. Is a little hard. In the same time, let's
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scalpon there the course of Briny to Alice a balcony parsas again one of us
28:34
manres blacks kier gonas French scout saying, sneak arresting and thanks for buying a
28:40
wale, Sir Walter Raleigh. The pipe tobacco, the great superior on all
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five counts. Check them a rich ripe, full bodied burly blend, Sir
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Walter Raleigh pipe tobacco mellowed with rum for extra smoothness, deep down satisfying goodness.
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That's Sir Walter Raleigh pipe tobacco. Clean smoking all the way down,
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no leaves, only a clean dry egg. And that's Sir Walter Raleigh.
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Pipe tobacco ripped cut for slow even cool. Bernie. Yes, Sir Walter
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Raleigh pipe tobacco, a brand of Grand Aroma keeps Home, Sweet Home.
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It's Sir Walter Raleigh. Sooner or later your favorite tobacco smoke, Sir Walter
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Raleigh, the quality pipe tobacco of America. Brown Williamson invites you toother good
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listening during the week. Listen to the People That Funny program with Odd Link
29:23
Letter next Friday, and join us again with Red Skelton next Tuesday. Rad
29:26
Skelvin has heard in this program, to the courtesy of Metro Golden May that
29:30
Scaldon is brought to you by the Brown and Williamson Tobacco Corporation. I know
29:33
great, It's the NBC, the National Roo