Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #185| 3 Reasons Why Forcing Productivity Is The Reason You’re Stuck (And What Actually Works)

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#185| 3 Reasons Why Forcing Productivity Is The Reason You’re Stuck (And What Actually Works) · Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing

• 0:00
  MichelleGauthier: Have you ever been so tightly wound trying to make it happen that nothing happened?
• 0:10
  MichelleGauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
• 0:17
  MichelleGauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
• 0:22
  MichelleGauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's Working Woman experiences.
• 0:27
  MichelleGauthier: And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.
• 0:36
  MichelleGauthier: Hi, friend.
• 0:37
  MichelleGauthier: Today I want to share with you something that my coach said to me earlier this week.
• 0:41
  MichelleGauthier: She reminded me of something that we learned from our life coaching instructor, Martha Beck.
• 0:46
  MichelleGauthier: And that is nothing beautiful comes from a clenched fist.
• 0:52
  MichelleGauthier: But think about that.
• 0:54
  MichelleGauthier: I think it's so smart because when we're forcing things and trying to make things happen, then your hand is close tight.
• 1:03
  MichelleGauthier: And when your hand is closed tight, you can't receive anything.
• 1:06
  MichelleGauthier: You're not open to ideas or help or relief or taking it easy or just seeing what might play out.
• 1:13
  MichelleGauthier: So if you feel like you've been in that mode of forcing productivity from a place of tension or trying to control things, this episode is going to be your invitation to try something different.
• 1:26
  MichelleGauthier: I'm going to explain to you today why tense energy just doesn't get results and that actual productivity requires spaciousness and letting go a little bit.
• 1:37
  MichelleGauthier: And that when you can soften, it leads to momentum of the sustainable type, not the type that you have to just force it all the time.
• 1:46
  MichelleGauthier: So the reason why my coach Leah said this to me this week is I was sharing with her how my son is going back and forth, in a good way.
• 1:54
  MichelleGauthier: He's evaluating what he wants to do after high school.
• 1:57
  MichelleGauthier: So we're thinking about a technical school because he really loves cars.
• 2:01
  MichelleGauthier: We're looking at a college that has a car restoration major.
• 2:05
  MichelleGauthier: He was considering the army for a while.
• 2:07
  MichelleGauthier: So we have all these things swirling around.
• 2:10
  MichelleGauthier: And when things start to feel stressful, which they always do to me when there isn't a plan in place.
• 2:15
  MichelleGauthier: So we're in that kind of free fall of investigation and that feels uncomfortable to me.
• 2:19
  MichelleGauthier: My signature move to make myself feel better.
• 2:22
  MichelleGauthier: I'm saying this from the self-actualized place of Leah telling me this, but she was spot on, is that I just try to control something and I force something to happen.
• 2:33
  MichelleGauthier: And so I just said, it's so hard.
• 2:37
  MichelleGauthier: I think I need to do this, and then he needs to do that, and then we need to do this and this and this.
• 2:42
  MichelleGauthier: And it's just so hard.
• 2:43
  MichelleGauthier: And she said, I think it is really hard because you're putting so much pressure on it.
• 2:48
  MichelleGauthier: You're making it so hard.
• 2:51
  MichelleGauthier: What would happen if you weren't holding on so tightly?
• 2:54
  MichelleGauthier: How would that affect what happens with you and your son as you're trying to figure this out together?
• 2:59
  MichelleGauthier: And I was like, Oh my gosh, of course.
• 3:02
  MichelleGauthier: Of course.
• 3:04
  MichelleGauthier: So although there was a chance that I could have gotten something done by being like, okay, sit down.
• 3:11
  MichelleGauthier: We're gonna look at this, we're gonna fill out this form.
• 3:13
  MichelleGauthier: You've got to do it right now.
• 3:15
  MichelleGauthier: Maybe we would have accomplished something, but it would have been so tense and had would have not been in the energy of us just being like, okay, what sounds interesting?
• 3:24
  MichelleGauthier: What should we try to look into next?
• 3:26
  MichelleGauthier: What are all of our options?
• 3:28
  MichelleGauthier: And so she really helped me see and reminded me of that quote that if I unclenched my fists, we would still get the decision made, probably in the same or an earlier amount of time, because it would reduce all of the pressure.
• 3:43
  MichelleGauthier: And you know, when we feel pressure, our kids also feel that pressure.
• 3:47
  MichelleGauthier: And my son - definitely was proud of him for saying it so nicely.
• 3:51
  MichelleGauthier: But he's like, Mom, you're making me feel like this is a really stressful thing.
• 3:56
  MichelleGauthier: And I don't want to talk about this with you right now.
• 3:59
  MichelleGauthier: Okay?
• 3:59
  MichelleGauthier: I love you, but I don't want to talk about this with you right now.
• 4:02
  MichelleGauthier: He said it so well.
• 4:04
  MichelleGauthier: But yeah, I really needed to just unclench my fists.
• 4:08
  MichelleGauthier: And I wrote down three things that I could do on my side and that I could focus on, and then just let the rest naturally come about.
• 4:17
  MichelleGauthier: Obviously, if you have kids who've gone to college, you know there is a certain schedule that you have to follow.
• 4:23
  MichelleGauthier: So it's not like, oh, let's just chill out and see what happens, but it's involving him.
• 4:27
  MichelleGauthier: When do you want to do this?
• 4:29
  MichelleGauthier: This is the date that it has to be done.
• 4:30
  MichelleGauthier: When should we work on it?
• 4:32
  MichelleGauthier: Instead of just being in charge of everything all the time?
• 4:37
  MichelleGauthier: When we really truly want to be productive, we do need some spaciousness.
• 4:42
  MichelleGauthier: Spaciousness lets us have better decisions and maybe make room for new ideas and gives us the ability to pivot or receive help.
• 4:52
  MichelleGauthier: So if you think about having the ability to force an answer or to absolutely make something happen is a good skill to have and can be useful, but I think it's useful like one out of a hundred times.
• 5:05
  MichelleGauthier: Like we have this story in my family.
• 5:08
  MichelleGauthier: You guys probably know that I love decorating my house.
• 5:10
  MichelleGauthier: And like, oh my gosh, this was before I had kids, so it's got to be like 20 years ago.
• 5:15
  MichelleGauthier: I went to Home Depot because I was going to paint our bedroom.
• 5:20
  MichelleGauthier: I had in mind the color that I wanted.
• 5:22
  MichelleGauthier: I found the color and I said to the person at the paint place at Home Depot, I think this is the color I want, but I'm not sure.
• 5:31
  MichelleGauthier: But of course, since I'm in a big hurry and I'm forcing this project to get done as soon as possible, like it was the weekend and I was going to get the whole thing done over the weekend.
• 5:40
  MichelleGauthier: I wanted to just buy the paint.
• 5:42
  MichelleGauthier: I didn't want to think about it or get a sample or anything.
• 5:44
  MichelleGauthier: I said, Can I buy the paint?
• 5:46
  MichelleGauthier: And if I don't like it, can I return it?
• 5:47
  MichelleGauthier: And he's like, Yeah, sure, you can.
• 5:49
  MichelleGauthier: So he mixes it up for me.
• 5:50
  MichelleGauthier: I buy three gallons, I go home, I paint it on the wall.
• 5:54
  MichelleGauthier: Of course, I don't like it.
• 5:56
  MichelleGauthier: And the next day, my husband at the time and I are going to Home Depot.
• 6:00
  MichelleGauthier: He need to get something else, and I'm going to return this paint.
• 6:03
  MichelleGauthier: So I take it back to the paint counter, and the guy's like, No, you can't return paint when it's been custom mixed like that.
• 6:09
  MichelleGauthier: And I was like, Well, you need to tell your employee that.
• 6:11
  MichelleGauthier: Of course, that person wasn't there.
• 6:13
  MichelleGauthier: I was like, you need to tell the other guy that because he told me that I could.
• 6:16
  MichelleGauthier: So I would like my money back, please.
• 6:18
  MichelleGauthier: And he's like, We can't do that.
• 6:19
  MichelleGauthier: So I get into the closed, clenched fist, like, you are taking this paint back.
• 6:25
  MichelleGauthier: Meanwhile, my husband is at another area.
• 6:28
  MichelleGauthier: He's getting wood cut or something.
• 6:30
  MichelleGauthier: And he's near the manager of the store and he hears on the manager's walkie-talkie, can you come up here?
• 6:34
  MichelleGauthier: There's some lady who thinks she's returning paint.
• 6:37
  MichelleGauthier: And my husband was like, Oh no.
• 6:39
  MichelleGauthier: He knew. He knew I was in clenched fist mode.
• 6:42
  MichelleGauthier: So the manager comes up and tells me all the reasons why they can't return this paint.
• 6:46
  MichelleGauthier: I'm like, I don't know what you have to do, but you are going to give me my money back.
• 6:50
  MichelleGauthier: I will never try to return paint again.
• 6:52
  MichelleGauthier: I clearly understand your policy.
• 6:54
  MichelleGauthier: Someone told me that I could.
• 6:56
  MichelleGauthier: You have got to give me my money back.
• 6:58
  MichelleGauthier: So anyway, they did eventually give me my money back.
• 7:02
  MichelleGauthier: And I promise to never ever buy paint and try to return it again.
• 7:07
  MichelleGauthier: My husband was embarrassed that he knows me and tried to, you know, walk away from me, and he was just rolling his eyes at me.
• 7:15
  MichelleGauthier: And this is a situation where it feels like I had to do that.
• 7:21
  MichelleGauthier: Like it was, I didn't want to be wronged.
• 7:23
  MichelleGauthier: I didn't want someone to walk all over me.
• 7:25
  MichelleGauthier: They had told me that that was the case and I needed to do that.
• 7:28
  MichelleGauthier: But now it's like a joke in our family.
• 7:30
  MichelleGauthier: Okay, do we need to return some paint to Home Depot or are we going to be able to like be chill about this situation?
• 7:37
  MichelleGauthier: So it's really good to know when you need that energy because sometimes you do.
• 7:41
  MichelleGauthier: And I'm thinking of other times when I've had to like fight for something for one of my kids, or if someone's being, it's really if anyone's being crappy to anyone in my family, I can get into that clenched fist forcing, listen, here's what's going to happen situation, or if someone's in a dangerous situation, like when my son has driven really fast and been grounded from the car, it takes forcing just to be like, nope, you are not doing this.
• 8:06
  MichelleGauthier: You are not driving.
• 8:07
  MichelleGauthier: We are not in a collaborative space.
• 8:09
  MichelleGauthier: I am making the rules and you are following them.
• 8:11
  MichelleGauthier: But being able to recognize when you need that return paint to Home Depot type energy, or when you can be in the energy of collaboration and receiving and calm energy, like I can be with my son about his college decision.
• 8:27
  MichelleGauthier: The other thing is when you're able to soften and unclench your fist and open your hand, like if you open your hand right now and just look at the palm, it just reminds you, okay, I can receive.
• 8:41
  MichelleGauthier: I am available to see what comes to me.
• 8:44
  MichelleGauthier: I personally think the best answers come to us when we think about what we want and then we don't try to force anything.
• 8:51
  MichelleGauthier: We take steps in the direction and then we see what happens.
• 8:56
  MichelleGauthier: If you are approaching life, like if you're approaching your work week with that kind of sustainable momentum where you're open and not clenching and not forcing unless you're in a situation where you have to, you can really be the most effective.
• 9:11
  MichelleGauthier: And I personally think even though it feels like we're less productive because we're not just forcing everything, you get so much more done more quickly.
• 9:20
  MichelleGauthier: And at the end, you don't hate everyone you're working with or you're not mad at everyone in your family.
• 9:25
  MichelleGauthier: So ask yourself this week, where am I forcing?
• 9:29
  MichelleGauthier: Where am I clenching my fist?
• 9:31
  MichelleGauthier: And what would it look like to soften?
• 9:34
  MichelleGauthier: Because that's not giving up.
• 9:35
  MichelleGauthier: That's just really choosing a better, easier way.
• 9:38
  MichelleGauthier: And I really challenge you today, when you're listening to this podcast, look at a place where you could soften up and open up your hand and be open to somebody else's idea or be open to a different time frame than you were thinking about.
• 9:53
  MichelleGauthier: Because when you unclench your body, your schedule, your grip on how it has to go, you give yourself access to calm productivity.
• 10:02
  MichelleGauthier: You don't need to grind harder, you just need to let go.
• 10:07
  MichelleGauthier: Okay, I'm gonna be done now.
• 10:09
  MichelleGauthier: Thank you so much for listening.
• 10:11
  MichelleGauthier: I hope you have a very calmly productive week, and I will see you on Thursday.
• 10:16
  MichelleGauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
• 10:23
  MichelleGauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegauthier.com.
• 10:29
  MichelleGauthier: See you next week.