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Monday Mini: Abortion Stories and Resources · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Stephane
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: never told your protection of iHeart Radio, and welcome to
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: another Monday putty. Where that should be like game show
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: theme songs behind our introductions? Maybe just me, I don't know,
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: I could just read me, it could read um. So
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: we've had a lot to say about the recent upheaval
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: about Roe versus Way with a Supreme Court and the
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: possibility of it being overturned. I guess maybe more like
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: a probability. Before we start, we are going to talk
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: about very personal stories and it does involve mentions of
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: sexual abuse, past trauma when it comes to childbirth and pregnancy.
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  Speaker 1: So just be aware, I know, just talking about this
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: issue can be traumatizing in itself. So if you need
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  Speaker 1: a minute before you decide to go into these stories,
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  Speaker 1: pause right here. But throughout our times we have asked
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: if you listeners wanted to share your stories and or
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: had the strength to do so, because it's a lot.
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  Speaker 1: There's a lot going on, There's been protests happening, there's
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  Speaker 1: a lot of conversations, a lot of activity going down,
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  Speaker 1: especially because it is election season for so many of
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  Speaker 1: us in the U. S um and with that, we've
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  Speaker 1: had a couple of listeners who have sent in their
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  Speaker 1: experiences in first and foremost, which want to say thank
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  Speaker 1: you so much for sharing a personal story that you
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  Speaker 1: don't have to you. You don't have to tell these stories,
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  Speaker 1: but when you do, it does bring a connection for
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  Speaker 1: so many who have experienced similar things or have thought
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  Speaker 1: about these similar things, and just it feels nice to
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  Speaker 1: feel like you're not alone, especially when the main media
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  Speaker 1: seems to scream at you that you are. Yeah, and
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: I think again, you don't owe anybody these stories, but
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  Speaker 1: when you are willing to share, it does a lot
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  Speaker 1: in de stigmatizing it, which is very very important. Yes, um,
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  Speaker 1: so we did want to take the time to read
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  Speaker 1: about personal experiences. Today. We do have a shout out
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  Speaker 1: to an organization that another listener sent us and we
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: want to go ahead and celebrate that too. And then
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  Speaker 1: if you, after hearing these stories, have something to say,
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  Speaker 1: would like to share yours, please know you're always welcome
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: to and we appreciate you taking that time. Yes, absolutely
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: we do. Okay, so we wanted to start with a
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  Speaker 1: message from Tiffany. From seventeen to twenty one, I was
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: in a relationship with an abusive partner. He wasn't physical,
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: but the emotional pain was awful. We ended up getting
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  Speaker 1: married the spring I turned one, shortly after I found
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  Speaker 1: out he had shared intimate pictures of me online with friends.
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  Speaker 1: While I was attempting to erase the pictures from his
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  Speaker 1: blocked computer via backdoor access, I found pictures of young
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  Speaker 1: girl roles. He said they were over eighteen, but either way,
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: it still gross to me that they were made to
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: look like kids and other gross stuff dealing with sexual assault.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: After that, we split up, but we're technically still married,
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  Speaker 1: and I ended up pregnant. In Ohio, if you are married,
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  Speaker 1: the husband automatically is considered the father, even if he's not.
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  Speaker 1: I could not let him have rights to a child.
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  Speaker 1: I could not leave it a chance, so I got
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  Speaker 1: an abortion. I couldn't bear the thought that he could
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  Speaker 1: have access to a child after seeing the stuff on
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: his computer. It was hard. I always wanted to be
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: a mama, and ending my first confirmed pregnancy was hard,
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: especially after seeing the ultrasound. I was devastated, but I
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: was technically homeless going through a divorce, which would have
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  Speaker 1: been delayed because of the pregnancy, and just switched jobs
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  Speaker 1: on top of all of the other gross stuff. It
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: was not a healthy time to bring in a child.
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  Speaker 1: It was the best decision, hard, but best. Now I
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  Speaker 1: have two beautiful boys in a healthy relationship and healing. Right.
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  Speaker 1: I have to commend Tiffany and sharing her story because
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: she's not the only one. And I think that's the
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  Speaker 1: biggest conversation that we had. We were going messaging back
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: and forth, and the fact that it was what was
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: best for her and that she was the only one
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  Speaker 1: who could say that was best for her. And she
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  Speaker 1: is now thriving, doing what she needed to do, driving
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  Speaker 1: with her beautiful family and learning what it is to
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  Speaker 1: grow as a parent. And I think that's beautiful. But yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I see these conversations a lot where they want children.
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  Speaker 1: It's not a thing. They want to have babies, and unfortunately,
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  Speaker 1: whatever circumstances, maybe it's not the time, or it's it
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  Speaker 1: could be a danger. And that's that big conversation. And
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  Speaker 1: again she also mentioned the fact that pregnancy would have
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  Speaker 1: delayed her divorce, which is in a lot of states
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  Speaker 1: um that you cannot get divorced during a pregnancy. You
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  Speaker 1: have to wait. There's so much to this that really
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  Speaker 1: puts the power in the hand ends of the husband,
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: and it does talk about the fact that this was
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  Speaker 1: a plant power play over women and ownership over women
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  Speaker 1: in general or those with you rouses. Yeah, And it's
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  Speaker 1: it's really gross and disheartening that that is still a
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  Speaker 1: thing in our these are modern times, and I feel
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  Speaker 1: like so much of what we're talking about in this
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  Speaker 1: abortion conversation has that same vibe, but we're still holding
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  Speaker 1: on to these ideas around men owning women's bodies in
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  Speaker 1: a very heateronormative sense, having control over it. And I
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  Speaker 1: mean to not be able to get a divorce when
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: you want a divorce when it's probably the healthiest thing
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  Speaker 1: for you. Um, I mean, that's dangerous. That's dangerous and disgusting.
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  Speaker 1: I mean the fact that we're bringing up like no joke,
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  Speaker 1: not just does, but bringing up which hunts and stuff
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  Speaker 1: in this conversation, Like there's just so many really damaging,
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  Speaker 1: old timey beliefs that I'm constantly like, I cannot believe
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  Speaker 1: we are still talking about this, but we are right
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: right m And then we wanted to share another story
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  Speaker 1: from listener Melissa. She said, I had an abortion when
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: I was twenty six, I am now fifty seven. For me,
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  Speaker 1: my husband and I had just found out we were
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: supposed to have twins, but it wasn't meant to be.
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  Speaker 1: When they did the ultrasound ten weeks, one of the
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  Speaker 1: spaces was empty and the other space the embryo was
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  Speaker 1: too small and without a heartbeat. It looked a bit
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  Speaker 1: like a p in a pod, the p at the
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  Speaker 1: very end that isn't round. This was a Wednesday or Thursday,
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  Speaker 1: and I remember that I went back on Friday and
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  Speaker 1: they checked my hormone levels and they were too low
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  Speaker 1: to start, and we're dropping even more. I was in miscarriage.
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  Speaker 1: The last embryo was dead and it was not going
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  Speaker 1: to stay. I liketed to take care of it, as
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: this could have taken weeks. I could have had an
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  Speaker 1: active miscarriage any place, at work, at the store, walking
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: on the street, and I scheduled with my doctor to
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: go to the hospital on Monday and have a d
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  Speaker 1: n E. Some people, including my mother, who was a
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  Speaker 1: rights to life says this isn't an abortion, but my
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: medical record says differently, it is a medical procedure. It
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: may not be the same as a woman or a
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  Speaker 1: girl who likes a bord of pregnancy that might be
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: a successful pregnancy if not stopped. But that shouldn't matter.
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  Speaker 1: We are talking about medical procedure that should be an
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  Speaker 1: option between the pregnant person and their doctor. Not one
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  Speaker 1: woman in the US uses abortion as their birth control.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: I think that we need to normalize the discussion. Things
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: do not go as planned, and many pregnant people have
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: pregnancies that end when they don't want them to. I
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: don't think I'm reaching when I say that the majority
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: people who have abortions don't want abortions, but rather are
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: in circumstances where abortions are something that may have to
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: be done. Um and yeah, And she continues and talks
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: about the fact that for her and her husband, it
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  Speaker 1: was pronounced sorrow and emotional pain. I barely knew I
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  Speaker 1: was pregnant at ten weeks, and in the space of
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: hours was told that that was not meant to be.
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  Speaker 1: Not only was I not having babies, I was not
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: having two babies. I have met so many people who
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: are in similar circumstances as I, only at later stages.
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  Speaker 1: These were planned and wanted pregnancies that just went horribly wrong.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe the fetus died in the womb, or maybe something
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  Speaker 1: horrible happened that would prevent it from living outside the boom. Now,
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: the people who would like to end abortions would say
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: that these are not abortions, or they might on the
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  Speaker 1: latter one and just say that women had d n
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  Speaker 1: c s or d n E s that take care
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  Speaker 1: of miscarriages. But these are the same medical procedures, and
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  Speaker 1: non medical people can split hairs and claim differences. These
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: are medical procedures and should be between a doctor and
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: a patient. And I think she makes such a great point,
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  Speaker 1: and we've talked about this before, that these so called
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: late term abortions, which has been the ultimate evil, has
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: been a lot of conversations with the fact that there's
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: a health issue, and there's a health crisis happening in
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  Speaker 1: this conversation that we're not talking about and the majority
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  Speaker 1: of the time these parents really do our sided or
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: have planned and moved on. I've had friends having baby
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  Speaker 1: showers and creating already naming these fetuses and ready to go,
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: and then things happen. Unfortunate circumstances happened and it could
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  Speaker 1: not be. And then also the same conversation about how costly.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: This is because it is an abortion. Yeah. Yeah, I
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: mean that's one of my biggest things that I keep
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: going back to is it's pregnancy is a big impact
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  Speaker 1: on your body. It's a huge physical, mental toll, and
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  Speaker 1: it is a medical procedure. Abortion is a medical procedure
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  Speaker 1: and it should just be between you and your medical provider.
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  Speaker 1: But also, I just feel like we've seen a lot
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  Speaker 1: of news stories lately where the fact that people don't
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: understand how people with RUSS how their bodies work. And
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: I feel that that is this misinformation or disinformation or
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: what have you, is leading to actual decisions that impact
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: people's lives when it's not coming from a place of
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: understanding our genuine attempt to care for people. Right. Oh yeah,
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  Speaker 1: you know what Melissa actually goes on specifically on that route, saying,
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: I'm also from Missouri where they almost passed legislation on
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  Speaker 1: our trigger law that would have made treating an ectopic
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  Speaker 1: pregnancy a class A felony, which means the medical staff
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: would be facing prison time because one of the legislators
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: pushing it thought that a topic pregnancies could be transplanted.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: I know we talked about that legislation before, but she
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: refers to the fact that this was in her area
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  Speaker 1: and the most nuanced idea of like, wow, yeah, you
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: definitely don't know what this is. Yeah, and you're making
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  Speaker 1: laws that impact people based on complete I mean, just
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: where it's at. UM. And yes, thank you all so
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: much for sharing because both of those are real situations
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: that occur and that we need to have that bigger
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: conversation about why it's important. UM. And before we ended,
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: we did want to add a shout out from listener
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: and I'm so sorry listener if this is not her
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: handleist Laura Elizabeth. We're also low M so thank you
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: for saying this. But she said, um, hey, y'all absolutely
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: love the podcast. I just wanted to shout out Yellowhammer
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: Fund that serves Alabama, Mississippi, and the Deep South with
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: women's reproductive care, including abortions. She talked about the Planned
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: Parenthood and Alabama weren't providing abortions right now, and she
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: said she didn't know why, but she knows Alabama has
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: some of the most restrictive laws. Yellow Hammer Fund. Uh,
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: they are an organization that works with what they call
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: the Deep South, and we are technically in the Deep South.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: Um and. According to their from yellow Hammer Fund dot org,
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: yellow Hammer Fund is an abortion fund and reproductive justice
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: organization dedicated to ensuring that all people can make autonomous
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: decisions about their needs and access necessary resources, regardless of race, income, location, age,
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: mayoral status, documentation, gender, or ability. Uh. They were established
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: in twenties seventeen in Alabama, and they say, we believe
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: in in a just an equitable society where each person
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: can make choices free from coercion by the government, financial constraints,
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: familiar or partner intervention, or status as a citizen, and
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: will enthusiastically meet the needs of those in the marginalized
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: communities most affected by lack of political and economic power. Yeah.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I love that. So that is an amazing resource for
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: those in Mississippi, Alabama Deep South as they call it,
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: um and it as we are in the Deep South.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: But it is in connotation to how divided we could be.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: But yeah, thank you so much for giving us that resource,
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: because we love the local resources and those are the
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: ones that we really do have to focus on during
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: this fight. UM Again, thank you all for sharing and
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: being vulnerable with us, especially when it feels like there's
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: an all out an attack for those who believe that
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: this is a personal decision and should be an autonomous
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: decision that we make. But yet here we are. Yeah. Yeah,
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: thank you, thank you, thank you so much and uh
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: as always, if you want to share your story, if
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: you have any resources, we would love to share it
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: on the show, So you can email us at Stephanie
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: and mom Stuff at iHeart mia dot com. You can
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: find us on Twitter at moms to podcast or on
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: Instagram at stuff I've Never Told You. Thanks It's always
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: to our super producer Christina. Thank you Christina, and thanks
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: to you for listening Stuff I Never Told You. The
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: protection of I Heart Radio. For more podcast from iHeart Radio,
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• 13:54
  Speaker 1: favorite shows.