Latest / Adventures in Adversity: an inspirational podcast / Ep. 62: Adversity, DMT, & self-acceptance — Adam Butler’s journey thru addiction, healing, & psychedelic insight

Transcript

Ep. 62: Adversity, DMT, & self-acceptance — Adam Butler’s journey thru addiction, healing, & psychedelic insight · Adventures in Adversity: an inspirational podcast

• 0:00
  We are back adventures and adversity.
• 0:03
  So grateful to be saying that again, especially because today
• 0:08
  is World Mental Health Day, I believe October 10th, and I
• 0:13
  don't know if I could think of a better guest to share his
• 0:18
  experiences with adversity in the form of mental health, all
• 0:23
  the things that that come with being a human.
• 0:25
  So welcome for those of you who are new here.
• 0:28
  Adventures and Adversity is a what I like to call an
• 0:31
  inspirational podcast with real people, true stories and daily
• 0:36
  inspiration. And really just really grateful
• 0:41
  to introduce you to my next guest, Mr. Adam Butler.
• 0:45
  Thank you so much for being here.
• 0:47
  Thanks for having me, and boy do I have some adventures in
• 0:50
  adversity. Well, I, you know, there's this
• 0:53
  little thing called a book that you wrote.
• 0:55
  Just gonna put that here. Just gonna throw that out there.
• 0:58
  And I think this beautiful book, which by the way, thank you so
• 1:02
  much for sending it to me with a really beautiful note that gives
• 1:06
  me chills when I, I just feel like this is our first time
• 1:10
  talking face to face. We've been talking over e-mail.
• 1:12
  We've been talking and and supporting each other from afar,
• 1:16
  but I'm just grateful to have Someone Like You first of all,
• 1:21
  sending me your book, writing the book and then so openly
• 1:25
  sharing your dark times and then how you've gotten through that.
• 1:32
  Just appreciate it because that's really what the podcast
• 1:34
  is all about. Well.
• 1:36
  Thank you. And I guess before we get into
• 1:39
  the, the need gritty in the details and I'm comfortable to,
• 1:42
  to talk about any aspects of my life, you know, at this point,
• 1:46
  the, the past is that the dark is, you know, in the past.
• 1:50
  And I'm comfortable reiterating any of the details because I
• 1:53
  know ultimately it'll help. But if I could, a couple
• 1:56
  disclaimers. The book I wrote is Butler's DMT
• 2:01
  Field Guide, and it is about psychedelics and DMT in
• 2:04
  particular. I do want to make sure that
• 2:07
  people know psychedelics are not for everybody.
• 2:09
  The Mt is definitely not for everybody.
• 2:11
  You know, I'm not giving medical advice.
• 2:13
  And psychedelics really are extremely powerful compounds.
• 2:16
  And if, if this is something that resonates with you, you
• 2:19
  know, I, I recommend doing your own research, reach out to
• 2:23
  medical professionals, to people in your, your community, reach
• 2:27
  out to me if you, you know, I can connect you with some
• 2:29
  resources as well. You know, just it's not
• 2:31
  something to take lightly and it's, it's one of many keys to
• 2:36
  unlock the human potential. And that's a big part of my
• 2:39
  story is not pushing psychedelics, not pushing DMT.
• 2:42
  It's the inner work and the self love and the self knowledge that
• 2:45
  I gained from that. But I think there's other ways
• 2:47
  of doing that. The other thing I'd like to say
• 2:50
  too is as we kind of relive some of the the past and some of the
• 2:53
  shittiest aspects of my life, I'm comfortable talking about it
• 2:57
  because it's not beat up Adam and woe is me and you know, keep
• 3:01
  kicking me in the gut. I've I've come full circle.
• 3:05
  I've put it where it needs to be.
• 3:06
  I've integrated into my life. I've used it for growth and
• 3:09
  that's why I'm comfortable talking about it.
• 3:11
  But part of that story, unfortunately, is and you talk
• 3:15
  about your interactions with narcissistic people and
• 3:18
  manipulative people and fucking just nasty dark in my case,
• 3:22
  alcoholic person and I was that person that left a path of
• 3:26
  destruction. I was the person that had
• 3:28
  multiple long term relationships ruined because of my ugliness
• 3:32
  and my just nastiness. So there are going to be some,
• 3:35
  you know, points that maybe triggers to you to your guest.
• 3:40
  And I welcome that conversation around it because it's something
• 3:43
  that that's the whole point of it is let's talk about it.
• 3:45
  And that there's two aspects I want to put to that is that if
• 3:48
  there's a husband or a boyfriend or a guy or woman, that is that
• 3:54
  that asshole that I describe myself to be.
• 3:56
  Know that there is a way to change that it like there is a
• 4:00
  light at the end of the tunnel and take a hard look at yourself
• 4:03
  in the mirror because life on life the other way is so much
• 4:07
  more enriching. And if you are the person on the
• 4:09
  receiving end of abuse or somebody not knowing your value
• 4:13
  and your worth and making you feel like shit, absolutely not
• 4:17
  acceptable. Set up your own boundaries and
• 4:19
  know what your what's, what type of energy you let around you.
• 4:23
  And don't let anybody ever, ever try to dim your light, which
• 4:28
  unfortunately I did to several beautiful women.
• 4:31
  Well, thank you for thank you for saying that and no, and
• 4:34
  thank you for your self-awareness and for your just
• 4:39
  transparency and authenticity that like, you know, I think we
• 4:43
  are all imperfect and gosh, don't I know that like the
• 4:48
  thing, the more inner work I do, I realize that like there's
• 4:52
  light and dark and everybody and like the shadow work and like
• 4:55
  figuring out like those parts of you.
• 4:58
  And, and I just want to say it's easy to listen to podcasts.
• 5:01
  It's not always easy to be the one on there telling all the
• 5:04
  stories, you know what I mean? Like you can go through your
• 5:07
  phone and be like, oh, who do I want to listen to today?
• 5:09
  And then judge and then, oh, don't like that one.
• 5:12
  It's like when you step up to the mic and share who you are,
• 5:16
  it's not all good for everybody. I don't think you know what I
• 5:19
  mean. I.
• 5:21
  Just appreciate it. And before we started recording,
• 5:24
  we mentioned this as we are both putting up kind of airing our
• 5:27
  dirty laundry, so to speak. There will be some people and I
• 5:30
  just did a live podcast the other day that has like pushing
• 5:33
  40,000 views and there was a lot of great comments, but there was
• 5:36
  some, some really hard, but some really funny.
• 5:40
  But they were ripping me apart. And but then at the end of any
• 5:44
  every e-mail, excuse me, at the end of every podcast, I always
• 5:47
  hear about my e-mail and Ioffer a free PDF copy of my book.
• 5:50
  And the emails that poured in after that were just amazing.
• 5:54
  And it it showed that the message that I was trying to
• 5:57
  convey to the people that may have needed it picked it up and
• 6:00
  all that other noise and all the people that wanted to make fun
• 6:02
  of my looks or my talk or my story or the fact that I lost
• 6:05
  everything. That's fine.
• 6:06
  And I'm cool to be their sponge and cool get a laugh off of me.
• 6:09
  But the, the truth is, is I'm going to keep telling the story
• 6:12
  because every time I share it, I get significant responses that,
• 6:17
  Hey, something you said resonated in a way that will
• 6:20
  make me potentially change the, the trajectory of my life.
• 6:24
  And in my case, you know, we can kind of get into it.
• 6:28
  But in, in summary, I was in a very, very dark, depressed,
• 6:31
  anxious point where I was highly, highly suicidal.
• 6:34
  And it wasn't just like I had a bad day or a bad week or a bad
• 6:36
  year. I spent weeks and months and I
• 6:39
  actually took a year off driving across the country contemplating
• 6:42
  life. And really, do I want to spend
• 6:45
  another day on this planet? And I, I felt as though I had
• 6:48
  that decision and the right to make and it wasn't anybody
• 6:51
  else's to make what it convinced me otherwise.
• 6:53
  And I really need to do to have a, a hell of a journey within to
• 6:58
  finally get that answer. And I got a resounding yes.
• 7:01
  And I'm sure we'll get to that part of the story.
• 7:03
  But yeah, I was, I was really in a bad spot.
• 7:07
  But again, this isn't what was me.
• 7:08
  This isn't what was Adam. I was raised with a spoon.
• 7:11
  I had every advantage growing up.
• 7:12
  I have amazing parents, great grandparents, college education.
• 7:16
  I was gifted 100 grand when I was 18 to stop businesses.
• 7:19
  I had everything on paper. So it this isn't like oh fuck.
• 7:23
  But. And that's why I shared my story
• 7:24
  too, because if I could have lose it all and messed it all up
• 7:27
  with all of my advantages, what about the people that don't have
• 7:30
  nearly what I had? And man, how hard it must be.
• 7:33
  So yes, yeah. So I guess so you.
• 7:38
  Grew up I I now I have a there's a Boston accent so.
• 7:41
  Rhode Island. Rhode Island.
• 7:42
  OK and our and our self. OK, so you're a.
• 7:46
  Little bit weirder here in Rhode Island.
• 7:48
  OK, so you grew up, are you born, born and raised in Rhode
• 7:51
  Island? Yep.
• 7:53
  So lived here my whole life. I'm 45 years old.
• 7:56
  I did I went to Uri, so University of Rhode Island, I
• 8:00
  went there for almost 7 1/2 years and I was focusing on
• 8:03
  entomology. So I was the bug geek working on
• 8:06
  West Nile virus in Tripoli. And my, my plan and goal was,
• 8:10
  you know, to work on insect borne diseases.
• 8:14
  But as a, you know, mid 20 year old, I had but just a cost
• 8:18
  correction, which ended up being one of many, many cost
• 8:21
  corrections. But I mentioned my upbringing
• 8:23
  because basically from the age of, I don't know, 15 to 40
• 8:31
  really, I had pretty much coasted through life, but it was
• 8:35
  just drowning myself in alcohol and really running from my
• 8:38
  problems. But I was a straight A student.
• 8:41
  I had high paying jobs. I had the, you know, the
• 8:43
  beautiful women, the fancy cars, traveled the world.
• 8:46
  I had everything where I could kind of I could mask it really,
• 8:50
  really, really well until at 40 years old, over the course of
• 8:54
  about two years, 2 1/2 years, I had everything in my life
• 8:58
  multiple times just completely fall apart where I had to look
• 9:02
  at myself in the mirror and really ask to help myself the
• 9:06
  hard questions. And really it.
• 9:08
  It started with a knock on the door from a constable giving me
• 9:13
  a restraining order and I this was with a A7 plus year
• 9:16
  relationship, a beautiful woman, 22 beautiful daughters, which we
• 9:21
  had bought a, a three story Victorian by the water.
• 9:25
  You know, we put like 100 grand into it, remade this house into
• 9:28
  a beautiful home. And I was making, you know, 180
• 9:32
  to 200 grand a year being a home inspector.
• 9:34
  I just everything was, was going relatively smooth, but I was
• 9:39
  like I said, drinking every day, all day and really masking my
• 9:43
  own insecurities. And unfortunately, I was just a
• 9:47
  horrible, mean, narcissistic, belligerent asshole to her and,
• 9:50
  and her kids. Ultimately, and I want to
• 9:53
  preface this and, and not that it makes it any better, but the
• 9:56
  restraining order basically stated verbal abuse and kind of
• 9:59
  like spatial abuse and mental abuse.
• 10:01
  I've never hit anybody. I've never raised my hand to
• 10:03
  anybody, guy or girl. So it wasn't like I was being
• 10:06
  physically abusive, but that doesn't excuse the fact that I
• 10:09
  was using my size, my fiery eyes, my energy to intimidate
• 10:14
  her. And, and I, I knew that.
• 10:16
  So I don't want to act like, like I wasn't physically using
• 10:19
  my presence. I was so that was just like I
• 10:23
  said, a knock on the door. It was oh shit.
• 10:25
  So my seven-year relationship is over at the house I live in.
• 10:27
  This guy's telling me I need to leave and leave now and grab all
• 10:30
  of my stuff. And that was the first kind of
• 10:33
  cycle of kind of a something needs to give and something
• 10:38
  needs to to change. But that was right before COVID
• 10:41
  started, so that court case got pushed into kind of the non
• 10:45
  essential category. So it dragged on for almost a
• 10:47
  year where there was this limbo where we never had our finality.
• 10:50
  I was never able to go back to my house and get my stuff.
• 10:52
  I had to keep paying for the mortgage and all the bills and
• 10:54
  utilities for a year on this property.
• 10:56
  Not speaking to a woman I loved for seven years.
• 10:58
  And all of a sudden, just like I said, a piece of paper said I
• 11:00
  couldn't have any contact with her anymore.
• 11:03
  But that was, I was still drinking.
• 11:05
  I was still an asshole. Moved back in with my parents,
• 11:07
  kind of had some reflections and I'm kind of going to sum up some
• 11:11
  things here. But the home inspection job I
• 11:14
  had for 70 years, I, I quit because it was just causing me
• 11:17
  too much mental bullshit. But I moved to the Cape and I
• 11:21
  got an even better job selling marble and granite on Martha's
• 11:24
  Vineyard. So really it was selling
• 11:26
  beautiful stone to rich people that were super nice making a
• 11:29
  shit ton of money. I got into another relationship
• 11:33
  with another woman with two kids moved in, but I was getting
• 11:36
  still drinking still kind of and that relationship fell apart
• 11:41
  because of ugliness and yelling and and just basically looking
• 11:44
  for exterior solutions or blaming exterior things to my
• 11:48
  own internal issues. So that relationship ended, so 2
• 11:52
  horrible ones and then the new job and the Cape I was, so I was
• 11:57
  done with women. I was owner of relationships and
• 11:59
  I was going to focus on myself in business.
• 12:01
  I was in business with these two guys and one of the gentlemen
• 12:04
  was a 30 year old guy who, and I'm not saying that that makes
• 12:08
  it an excuse, but he did some shit behind my back that equated
• 12:12
  to him taking $900 in my commissions without like, doing
• 12:15
  something shady and. Yeah, you mentioned that.
• 12:17
  And at that point in my life, 900 bucks was nothing.
• 12:20
  It was insignificant, but it was just, I was so raw and so just
• 12:23
  done with people not, not talking to me, not confronting
• 12:26
  me. And I confronted him and I, I
• 12:31
  threatened to kill him. And I, I don't say that lightly,
• 12:33
  just like I said, I don't walk into the woods, you know,
• 12:36
  looking off myself lightly. And I, I really was planning on
• 12:40
  walking through him and just expressing, I don't know, my,
• 12:46
  all of the anger and angst of, of years into this, this guy,
• 12:50
  luckily the owner of the company and the son of both these
• 12:52
  massive men. And they were in the same room
• 12:54
  and they were able to basically, you know, prevent that from
• 12:58
  happening. And that was on a Sunday night.
• 13:01
  Monday morning, I woke up and I said, I'm, I'm driving to
• 13:03
  California to hug a Redwood tree.
• 13:05
  And I had no other plan. I just got in my car with a
• 13:08
  backpack and I basically spent over a year, year and a half,
• 13:11
  close to a year and a half where, you know, I kept coming
• 13:13
  back to my parents house as as a kind of hub to check in.
• 13:16
  But now I did this very, very long spiritual journey on the
• 13:20
  road. I went to like 40 plus states,
• 13:22
  all the national parks, lived on beaches, lived in my car and
• 13:26
  throughout that time did quite a bit of psychedelics, primarily
• 13:29
  shrooms and DMT and did all of the the proverbial inner work,
• 13:35
  shadow work, dancing with the demons that the hard, hard
• 13:38
  buckets and buckets of tears. And came through on the other
• 13:41
  side with the desire to share my story, to write that book to
• 13:46
  again, not sensationalize DMT or try to promote even its use, but
• 13:50
  to let people know that this is a not only a natural organic
• 13:54
  plant based chemical that's in thousands and thousands of
• 13:58
  plants, but it's also in every mammal and it's naturally
• 14:01
  produced in our own body. So that the term being
• 14:03
  endogenous. And that was similar to shrooms
• 14:07
  where I was attracted to it because it was natural and it
• 14:10
  wasn't something synthetic and made by a pharmacy.
• 14:12
  And so there are several aspects of DMT that drew me to it, which
• 14:18
  then I did my research and I had, you know what I would say a
• 14:22
  life saving transformative experience on that particular
• 14:26
  compound. And that was 3 1/2 years ago and
• 14:28
  since then my entire life has been completely changed.
• 14:33
  Completely new perspective. I'm coming on five years being
• 14:35
  sober so alcohol is completely out of my life.
• 14:37
  My relationships now are absolutely amazing and I'm not
• 14:42
  in that rat race of just material wealth and chasing
• 14:44
  shit. I'm actually all about exploring
• 14:49
  myself in this world and being a part of it and connected.
• 14:51
  So long a lot of stuff unpacked it, but that that was just as
• 14:54
  two years of horseshit and then a year and a half of inner
• 14:57
  exploration, and now it's me whistling and skipping and
• 15:01
  dancing on the other side. Yeah.
• 15:04
  So it's it's, it sounds like not sounds like we know that up
• 15:10
  until your encounter with DMT and psychedelics, there was
• 15:16
  something there was pain there that just could not be like
• 15:24
  there was inner demons. There was struggle that I know
• 15:28
  every single person listening to this podcast has in one shape,
• 15:34
  form or another, right? It's like what I'm learning is
• 15:37
  have you have you confronted them?
• 15:38
  Have you slayed them? Right.
• 15:41
  Talk to me about first if people are going, OK, this is really
• 15:44
  interesting and I'm sure they're sensing your openness and
• 15:47
  authenticity. What is DMT?
• 15:51
  It it's naturally occurring. If this is someone's very first
• 15:54
  time hearing about it, it's in your book, which I'm going to
• 15:57
  link to in the show notes. It how would you describe it to,
• 16:01
  to to someone who's hearing that for the first time?
• 16:04
  DMT stands for Dimethyltryptamine.
• 16:06
  So it's a again, it's a, it's a natural compound.
• 16:10
  It's, it really came back into the, I guess mainstream in the
• 16:15
  90s from a study that Doctor Rick Strassman did.
• 16:19
  And through that study, he wrote the book The Spare Molecule.
• 16:23
  So I would say anybody interested in DMT in particular,
• 16:26
  I would start with Rick Strassman's work and I would
• 16:28
  start with that book. It gives a really good outline
• 16:30
  of not only the chemical makeup, but you know, the research that
• 16:34
  his, his study found, but not only is it naturally found in my
• 16:41
  understanding is ubiquitous throughout the, the plant
• 16:43
  Kingdom. That is it's, it's really
• 16:45
  everywhere. It's just a matter of what
• 16:46
  concentrations are high enough to extract.
• 16:49
  And then again, that is produced naturally in our own body.
• 16:51
  And they haven't quite localized where there's a lot of talk
• 16:54
  about the pineal gland and the cerebral spinal fluid
• 16:56
  potentially being produced in the lungs, but it is in
• 17:00
  concentrations that are significant and enough to to
• 17:04
  alter your mood. And there are ways where, you
• 17:07
  know, some people may not like the idea of taking a drug or
• 17:11
  doing smoking a pipe or, you know, vaping a pen with
• 17:14
  something like this. But with proper meditation with
• 17:18
  breathing, you know, holotropic breathing, you really can get
• 17:20
  your body into a deep vibratory state that does pulse DMT.
• 17:24
  Now, granted, not the breakthrough dose where you're
• 17:27
  going to be interacting with entities and talking to God
• 17:29
  necessarily, but you really do. And for somebody that that
• 17:33
  smoked it and felt it, that side of it, but then also does it in
• 17:36
  my meditative state, it's a very unique feeling.
• 17:38
  It's a taste in the back of your throat.
• 17:40
  So you have a nasal cavity drip that you that you kind of get
• 17:44
  and you do have a vibratory hum that is clearly DMT pulsing in
• 17:48
  your body. So there is, and I'm not that
• 17:50
  doesn't make it any less powerful or hey, it's it's
• 17:53
  something because it's endogenous that it's not
• 17:56
  dangerous, but that that's where I think Rick Strassman's book
• 18:00
  would would be a good start. Andrew Gallimore is another
• 18:04
  researcher that has several books out and has some good
• 18:06
  material. But in my book, what I wanted to
• 18:09
  do, and it's called the field guide because I wanted to be
• 18:11
  short, easy, concise, and really just breakdown.
• 18:14
  Hey, what is it? What's this?
• 18:16
  What's molecule? I have recipes in there.
• 18:19
  Again, not promoting anybody necessarily break any laws or,
• 18:23
  you know, stop making doing a chem lab, but it's such an easy
• 18:26
  extraction. It's really just boiling bark
• 18:29
  and, and pulling out the material and it's accessible,
• 18:32
  it's inexpensive. And the fact that it changed and
• 18:35
  saved my life and that it's that easy and that it can get legally
• 18:40
  shipped in the US, there's several companies that do ship
• 18:43
  the, the base plant material. So it is something that is
• 18:46
  legally accessible and there are ways of, of doing it.
• 18:49
  So, but then I, you know, I go over my mental health journey,
• 18:53
  but then I, I do have chapters about transcendental sex are in
• 18:57
  science where I was trying to say about how it can be used in
• 18:59
  a practical way in the future, not just with mental health
• 19:03
  therapy. But what can this mean for the
• 19:05
  next step of human evolution? What does it mean if we can
• 19:08
  elevate our senses? What does it mean if we can
• 19:10
  vibrate at a higher level and interact in a different way and
• 19:13
  receive more information? What can that mean for our
• 19:16
  day-to-day lives? And not only my story, but
• 19:18
  there's a lot, a lot. I mean, you know, thousands and
• 19:22
  thousands of people that the stories are very, very similar.
• 19:25
  Where, and if I could, I guess an analogy that seems to really
• 19:29
  stick with people is that I think what happens with me and
• 19:32
  especially at I'm 45 S at 40 years old, I had basically a
• 19:35
  lifetime of what I call plaque just building up and just
• 19:38
  societal plaque, social media smut expectations, your own self
• 19:41
  limitations, actual traumas, actual events, just a lifetime
• 19:45
  of stuff that bogs you down where I think it's a 2 fold
• 19:49
  thing. Not only are you not able to
• 19:51
  shine your inner light and your inner creativity and express
• 19:53
  yourself creatively and show love and empathy and and
• 19:56
  actually have meaningful conversations and connections
• 19:59
  with yourself and others, but that plaque also stops the
• 20:02
  receiving of the love and light from the divine source,
• 20:06
  universal source, God, whatever you may call it, or, and, or
• 20:09
  other people. And once that plaque is removed,
• 20:12
  and I think that that's the point, that's the key, that's.
• 20:16
  That can happen in multiple ways, but for me, psychedelics
• 20:19
  basically removed and blasted away that proverbial plaque
• 20:22
  where then I could stop shining my beautiful light again,
• 20:26
  receiving it from other people. And psychedelics, once the
• 20:31
  plaque was removed, that's when I could stop looking myself in
• 20:34
  the mirror. And I, I say often, you cannot
• 20:37
  lie to yourself when you're on 5 grams of shrooms and you're
• 20:39
  looking in the mirror and you're crying your eyes out.
• 20:41
  And it's like, you can lie to your therapist, you can lie to
• 20:43
  your friends, you can lie to your spouse, you can lie to damn
• 20:46
  near anybody, but you can't lie to yourself when you're that
• 20:49
  deep in a psychedelic state and you're like, well, why am I 40
• 20:52
  lbs overweight? Why did I lose 3 relationships?
• 20:54
  Why do I have no job? Why am I fucking homeless after
• 20:57
  owning all of these homes? Why, why is everything in my
• 21:00
  life falling apart? Where before it was, well, that
• 21:02
  woman did this, that guy did that.
• 21:04
  I get a blame, blame, blame, blame, blame.
• 21:06
  And then finally, it was just like with this huge like, oh
• 21:10
  fuck, man, this is all on you. And yes, they were, they were a
• 21:14
  part of that variable. And yes, they have to be
• 21:16
  accountable for some aspect of it.
• 21:18
  But as soon as I stopped looking to blame other people and I
• 21:21
  could actually shine the spotlight on all of my own
• 21:24
  wounds and, and some rightly so, somewhere there for me to
• 21:27
  survive. But the truth is that they were
• 21:29
  now holding me back and they ruined my life.
• 21:31
  And it was only up and until that I had that those sessions
• 21:36
  with with shrooms really was, was the, the inner kind of work.
• 21:40
  And it was tough. And it took several months to
• 21:43
  really, you know, and you said slay your demons.
• 21:45
  I want to if I could, please. I don't think slay.
• 21:48
  I think name befriend, put them part of your psyche.
• 21:53
  Let them be part of your life. Because I think if you and
• 21:55
  everybody kind of has the series of voices in the head and the
• 21:58
  different aspects of this psyche.
• 22:00
  What I was doing was I was letting all the the chatter and
• 22:03
  all the ones or kill him, scream at her, blame her, go get a
• 22:08
  drink. I was letting them them control
• 22:11
  who I as Adam Butler was. And now it was able to like the
• 22:16
  bratty kid. And you've got some young kids,
• 22:18
  like if you tell them to shut up and shut up, shut up and not let
• 22:21
  them speak or not let them express themselves, it's just
• 22:24
  going to, it's going to backfire on you as you just say, all
• 22:27
  right, listen, here's your 5 minutes.
• 22:28
  You have my complete attention. Say what you need to say.
• 22:31
  I'll absorb what you need to say.
• 22:32
  I'll, I'll, I'll hear you. I love you, respect you.
• 22:35
  Thank you for giving me this, this insight.
• 22:38
  But then you have to go away because I need to go to work and
• 22:40
  I can't threaten to kill that guy.
• 22:42
  And now it's kind of like lining up those voices or those demons.
• 22:46
  And some of them are dark, some of them are nasty.
• 22:47
  And some of them when they do speak, are still kind of scary.
• 22:51
  But I don't say that I dissolved my ego or that I slayed those
• 22:55
  demons. I say that I befriended them.
• 22:57
  I put them in the proper perspective.
• 22:59
  And and I say that too, because if, if God forbid, something
• 23:04
  happens where I need those aspects of my psyche to come
• 23:06
  back, whether it be in an event where I need to defend my
• 23:09
  family, if I need to, whatever climb into a burning building.
• 23:13
  If I, if you and I go to an event somewhere and somebody
• 23:16
  threatens us, you want those that you want to see that fire
• 23:20
  in my eye again, you know what I mean?
• 23:21
  So I don't want it. I don't it's not I didn't
• 23:23
  extinguish it. It's just I, I lengthen the fuse
• 23:26
  where it's not going to snap in traffic or in the market or
• 23:29
  because some woman didn't give me sexual attention.
• 23:33
  Like what the fuck, you know, I. That's I'm so glad you said
• 23:38
  that, because my whole journey has been like slay, like I'm,
• 23:41
  you know, prove slay like, and I was actually talking with my
• 23:45
  therapist about doing like parts work and like, and you know,
• 23:49
  there's a reason that voice is there.
• 23:51
  And like that I have learned a lot about what you're saying
• 23:56
  about like my darker side too, where I'm like, damn, I got some
• 24:00
  anger like like I can, but that's also maybe instead of
• 24:05
  slaying that it's it's understanding it and knowing
• 24:10
  like when that's. Because when you need to be Mama
• 24:14
  bear and protect your your family, Oh, like then it's yeah,
• 24:17
  then. It's like you a Mama bear for
• 24:21
  sure. Maybe that that's why it's
• 24:22
  there, right? And part of that is, I think
• 24:25
  unfortunately with a lot of society is they they drug it and
• 24:28
  mask it down with prescription pills and alcohol so that there
• 24:31
  is no Mama bear there. There is no fire, a spark,
• 24:33
  there's nothing. It's just dull and sweeping
• 24:36
  under the rug. Yet, you know, watch the news,
• 24:38
  pay the bills, clean the, you know, take the kids to to the
• 24:41
  sports events and just rat race, rat race, rat race.
• 24:44
  And that's what for me, it, like I said at 40 years old and it's
• 24:48
  a very common story where people just snap.
• 24:50
  And as it, you know, you talk about mental health day and I
• 24:54
  listened to your episode where you talked about your experience
• 24:56
  with suicide, not only your own suicidal thoughts, but the, the
• 24:59
  woman that you reference in college and then your, your
• 25:02
  husband's uncle. And you know, it's, it's, I was,
• 25:07
  I was actually crying my eyes out this morning because it,
• 25:10
  because it's, it's, it's because for the people that actually
• 25:13
  have felt it and have walked that path and have lost somebody
• 25:16
  or God forbid, was that person that looked in the mirror, it's,
• 25:20
  it's horrible. It's gut wrenching.
• 25:22
  And that's the whole point of this story is that you don't
• 25:26
  have to let it get to that point.
• 25:28
  You know, if, if you're alive and you're healthy and you're in
• 25:30
  a relationship and you're in love, like tell that person you
• 25:33
  love them. Tell or if you, if you need to
• 25:35
  set up boundaries, set up the boundaries.
• 25:37
  If something needs to be adjusted or changed, Don't just
• 25:40
  think it'll go away or it'll be OK because it won't.
• 25:42
  And then you'll end up doing what I, which is snap.
• 25:44
  And I've lost not only once or twice, but just all like
• 25:50
  everything in my life. And it again, this isn't what
• 25:52
  was me, but like my own narcissism, my own belligerent
• 25:55
  alcoholic asshole Nish yes, affected their lives, but I lost
• 26:00
  the six figure jobs. I lost the beautiful home by the
• 26:03
  ocean. I lost that the step kid that I
• 26:05
  loved like my own. I left lost the stability of
• 26:08
  what happened on Christmas and Easter and all this shit.
• 26:10
  Like I don't have any of that anymore.
• 26:12
  And yes, I'm, I'm really happy and the the story will end with
• 26:16
  I'm at the best point in my life and really things are fantastic.
• 26:20
  But the truth is is like I'm I, I got to be careful how I wear
• 26:25
  this. I don't want to say I suffered
• 26:26
  the worst because that that sounds like the narcissist being
• 26:27
  like, oh, look at me, I have, I have really like hardcore
• 26:34
  practical things to say. My life was drastically altered
• 26:37
  in a negative way because of my actions in my own whatever.
• 26:41
  And my part of my story is saying to try to tell people is
• 26:45
  don't lose it all like I did because you you don't have to.
• 26:48
  And there's really what once you start feeling good and you start
• 26:52
  having that the goosebumps and you naturally have prayers of
• 26:55
  gratitude and you naturally say thanks to the sun, to the moon,
• 26:59
  to the to the wind, to the smell of grass.
• 27:01
  Every cup of coffee is amazing. Every couple of ice cream is
• 27:04
  amazing. Like you start living like that
• 27:06
  as opposed to let me sneak a shot quick, quick or let me, you
• 27:13
  know, my thing was I would always eat fast food on the way
• 27:15
  home to cover my bare breath because I would always drink a
• 27:18
  six pack on the way home. And I figured my girlfriend
• 27:20
  wouldn't kiss me if I had bad McDonald's breath and maybe that
• 27:23
  would stop me from showing my bare breath.
• 27:25
  And it's like, that's the type of weird type of shit where
• 27:29
  alcohol isn't the issue, money isn't the issue.
• 27:31
  If you were treating it like I did, that's an issue.
• 27:34
  And those are the weird little mind games that I would just
• 27:37
  kind of act like it's OK. And, and now I kind of have, and
• 27:41
  I guess I always did, but I ignored them.
• 27:43
  Now I listen, I act like there's a a God and, and my
• 27:47
  interpretation of God has changed really quite a bit.
• 27:49
  But whatever, whatever that divine sauce or infinite
• 27:53
  intelligence, whatever you want to call it, there's that on one
• 27:55
  side, there's the spirit of my Pepe on the other side, which it
• 27:59
  was an influential man in my life and, and just one of the, a
• 28:01
  stellar character. But now I have these kind of
• 28:05
  psychedelic entities so to speak.
• 28:06
  All this I know when I go into the psychedelic space that I'm
• 28:09
  gonna have to answer for everything that I do.
• 28:11
  Not only would I do a say but telepathically what I think,
• 28:14
  what I feel and what my emotions are.
• 28:16
  And if I have any type of whatever shit thoughts I I have
• 28:21
  to account for. Why did you think what and
• 28:24
  whatever whether it be internal jealousy or insecurity or self
• 28:27
  limiting beliefs. I need to check those.
• 28:29
  But if it's also wishing I'll on somebody else or lustfulness or
• 28:34
  being like just all of the shit where I I listen and you and
• 28:38
  also and you'll you'll like how I reference all your episodes.
• 28:41
  Good episode on triggers but oh. My gosh, I know.
• 28:43
  I mean, thank you. Thank you.
• 28:45
  Amazingly, I'm like, people listen.
• 28:47
  Oh. My God, they do well because
• 28:50
  it's, it's another kind of analogy that I use often that
• 28:53
  it's like the indicator lights on your car, where if you have
• 28:56
  an indicator light that says check oil or your, your gas
• 28:59
  tanks low or the your tie is low.
• 29:01
  There are so many people that just take masking tape and block
• 29:05
  over those those indicator lights.
• 29:07
  And we do that so many times in our life where you just keep
• 29:11
  doing that, doing that, doing that, and you don't realize
• 29:12
  those stresses are there to cost correct those, those indicator
• 29:16
  lights are there to say, give myself attention, give those
• 29:19
  voices attention. Give my body attention.
• 29:20
  I need more water, I need more sleep, I need love, I need
• 29:23
  attention, I need to be listened to.
• 29:26
  And now not only are all of those band aids or tapes ripped
• 29:31
  off of those indicator lights that I used to cover, but now I
• 29:34
  have this whole massive board of thousands of indicator lights
• 29:37
  and triggers where it's so easy to stay aligned to my own course
• 29:40
  and path. And especially even when I'm in
• 29:43
  talking to to my current girlfriend now, who I've been
• 29:45
  with for over three years, where instead of leaning in to push
• 29:49
  her over the edge, to piss her off, to drive home my point to
• 29:52
  be like, look how look at your I need you to agree to my
• 29:55
  masculine Adam Butler point. It's I take back what is she
• 29:58
  bringing to the table? What feminine energy is she
• 30:01
  bringing? And let me hug her, give her the
• 30:04
  space and say it's safe for you to express yourself.
• 30:07
  And then we hold hands and have a great night instead of drink 3
• 30:10
  beers and get pissed. It's just that it feels so good
• 30:13
  when you're aligned like that instead of the other way.
• 30:20
  So many, so many things like I'm just taking in everything you're
• 30:23
  saying because I think just the the amount of curiosity now I
• 30:31
  have about DMT like is beyond because from your book, from
• 30:40
  meeting you, you've experienced suffering of things happening,
• 30:45
  suffering of your own creation. I think we all create some, but
• 30:49
  then things happen. Like you had said, it's a mix of
• 30:52
  trauma and things and your thoughts and you're absorbing
• 30:57
  all of this. The plaque builds up.
• 31:01
  Take me through. And I know again, in your book
• 31:05
  you can get the details of this, but give me if someone, if
• 31:08
  someone's like leaning in going, OK, what is this DMT?
• 31:12
  He said he has access to these entities, which another friend
• 31:16
  of mine had already told told me about that like take me through
• 31:19
  your first DMT experience, whatever you'd like to share.
• 31:24
  That might explain if someone's like what is he talking about
• 31:28
  and where can I know more? Sure.
• 31:32
  To begin with my story with DMT, I have to start several months
• 31:35
  prior in my exploration of shrooms because that really led
• 31:39
  the, the foundational groundwork.
• 31:41
  And for a few reasons, I think it really allowed that epiphany
• 31:46
  to happen with DMT. So again, I was around 40 years
• 31:50
  old. I, I knew that my life clearly
• 31:52
  things weren't going well and I, I was sitting at a point where
• 31:55
  something needed to give and change.
• 31:57
  So I realized that I, yes, I did need to, to give up alcohol.
• 32:01
  So like I said, I'm coming on five years now.
• 32:03
  So that was something that kind of while things were still
• 32:06
  falling apart, I realized that very quickly.
• 32:08
  I needed to get that out of my life.
• 32:09
  So that that was a big part of it.
• 32:12
  I've never been on any prescription pills and I'm
• 32:14
  really not interested in hard drugs.
• 32:16
  So that's where I started, you know, so my, I guess my point
• 32:20
  was I wasn't going to do what my sister did on my mom and dad
• 32:23
  did, which was just take a, a handful of pills for this and
• 32:26
  that and want to wake you up, want to put you to sleep, want
• 32:28
  to dull you. And you know, and this is,
• 32:30
  again, isn't a judgement thing. My my sister explicitly told me
• 32:35
  I don't want to have peaks and and valleys.
• 32:38
  I I I don't want to. She's like I haven't cried in
• 32:40
  like 7 years. Like I cry 7 times a day.
• 32:43
  She's like I don't remember any of my dreams.
• 32:45
  I remember every one of my dreams.
• 32:47
  She's she very rarely gets upset, but she also very rarely
• 32:51
  has the the goosebumps and heart like we get laughing, crying and
• 32:56
  or the deep meditation where you're going into the woods for
• 32:59
  two or three or four hours and you're connecting with yourself
• 33:02
  in a way like that wouldn't even be possible because her body is
• 33:05
  dulled down and her antenna is shut off.
• 33:08
  But she and her and super successful woman, highly
• 33:12
  intelligent, college educated, great job, great mom.
• 33:14
  I can't speak high enough about my sister.
• 33:16
  She makes that conscious decision that I don't want to
• 33:19
  experience what you've experienced, Adam.
• 33:20
  I don't want to snap at my boss, lose 3 relationships like all
• 33:25
  in. I can I understand your point.
• 33:27
  So again, this was this was my path.
• 33:30
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 33:31
  But I, I realized I needed help and I was that's when you there
• 33:36
  was A and it still is. There's a lot of information
• 33:38
  about the therapeutic value of shrooms, of ketamine, of MDMA,
• 33:42
  of DMD. You hear a lot about people
• 33:45
  going on ayahuasca retreats. So I, I was interested in that
• 33:50
  because that it was natural, it was organic.
• 33:52
  So I started listening to podcast.
• 33:54
  I started reading as many books as I could about psychedelics
• 33:57
  and I felt comfortable that I would explore shrooms.
• 34:00
  I had done shrooms maybe six or seven times in college around
• 34:04
  that, that area. So I, you know, I was
• 34:06
  comfortable with what the feeling, but I had a, you know,
• 34:08
  20 year break from them. So I started and the good thing
• 34:12
  about shrooms is you can start with micro dosing and lead your
• 34:15
  way up. So I started with, you know, one
• 34:17
  or two grams and just getting comfortable pushing it a little
• 34:20
  bit. And then it was 3 grams, 4G and
• 34:23
  that, you know, then I really, I pushed it 7-8 grams was, was
• 34:26
  kind of that the Max, which is a pretty significant dose.
• 34:29
  But over that, maybe 3 months or so that I was exploring shrooms
• 34:33
  was when I was able to do all that inner shadow work.
• 34:36
  So that's when I had that one-on-one in the mirror that I
• 34:38
  mentioned where I was just like, you need to take this on.
• 34:41
  I had really some. And I don't like, I've never
• 34:46
  used the term bad trip. I don't think I've ever had a
• 34:48
  bad trip. I've had extremely difficult,
• 34:51
  heartbreaking, tearful, holy shit, revealing, excuse me,
• 34:56
  revealing trips, but they were necessary.
• 34:59
  They found the scars and open wounds in my psyche.
• 35:02
  They comfortably addressed my traumas.
• 35:05
  They gave my own voices, all of my voices.
• 35:08
  Because you'd be sitting there for 7-8 hours on a shroom trip
• 35:11
  in the middle of the night in the dark.
• 35:13
  You have all the time to process it.
• 35:14
  And I did that for months on end.
• 35:16
  So I really, I became comfortable in my own skin and I
• 35:20
  became comfortable with looking at how I was accountable.
• 35:23
  But that being said, all that really did was shine a spotlight
• 35:26
  on all my shit. And now I was this four year old
• 35:28
  guy sitting here with just in this pile of shit in this hole.
• 35:31
  Like no epiphany. No, like, yeah, I was like,
• 35:34
  well, now what do I do Now? I'm just a sober asshole that
• 35:37
  has nothing going on. So but you know, and I can laugh
• 35:41
  now at it. I really was in a in a really
• 35:43
  dark place. And one of my best friends, and
• 35:47
  he's the one that I mentioned Shaman Shawn in the book and he
• 35:49
  wrote a really nice paragraph at the end.
• 35:52
  He knew what a spot I was in and he knew pretty much that I was
• 35:56
  talking about potentially not staying on this planet anymore.
• 35:59
  And he had access to DMT and he offered it to me and he said,
• 36:02
  Adam, you know, I want you to look into this, that this may be
• 36:05
  something that, that could help you.
• 36:06
  So I then after knowing that I had access to it, I then did
• 36:11
  research for, I don't know, a month, maybe month and a half
• 36:14
  where I, I read the Strassmann book.
• 36:16
  I did the research, I watched the the podcast and I was
• 36:20
  hearing some pretty extraordinary stories about how
• 36:22
  this really could have that life changing epiphany.
• 36:25
  It could blast the plaque off. I guess that it that I needed
• 36:27
  that I thought I needed. So I decided that all right,
• 36:30
  let's, let's plan it. We set aside a day.
• 36:33
  We had the perfect location, the perfect intention.
• 36:35
  And I write in my book, and I would say this as far as if
• 36:39
  anybody is interested, and I wouldn't recommend going the
• 36:42
  route that I did that first day. I mentioned how I took about 50
• 36:45
  hits that first day in about an hour and a half span.
• 36:48
  Typically you need three or four hits, five hits and you're good.
• 36:51
  And that's probably enough for like a year.
• 36:54
  But I needed, I, I needed the foundation like I needed
• 36:58
  everything in my life to be shaken up.
• 37:00
  I I was at a point where if I didn't get answers, I was I was
• 37:03
  done. You were, yeah.
• 37:05
  This was it. It was, yeah.
• 37:06
  It was either fry my brain or I'm going to figure something
• 37:09
  out. So if, if I could, there was a
• 37:11
  progression that happened through there that I think there
• 37:12
  are a couple stops along the way are important that first hit.
• 37:17
  So again, it's it's natural, it's organic, it's it's
• 37:20
  naturally produced in our own body.
• 37:22
  So with shrooms, it's a clear sensation.
• 37:26
  Like you're like the poison is starting to pulse through your
• 37:28
  system once you start and once it starts going through, you're
• 37:31
  kind of like, oh, fuck, like you, you sit there and you feel
• 37:34
  things starting to move and shift and you feel that that you
• 37:37
  really are getting poisoned. But you know that like the whale
• 37:42
  you see swimming on the wall isn't really there.
• 37:44
  It's just that your eyes are kind of looking at some weird
• 37:46
  stuff, but it's but it's a weird feeling to get used to with
• 37:50
  shrooms. DMT was not like that.
• 37:53
  It was not a poison feeling. It was not a scary drug overdose
• 37:57
  feeling or it, it really was very natural, very innate.
• 38:01
  It instantly felt like the veil was removed and that my senses
• 38:05
  were being enhanced and all of that shit was just was gone.
• 38:09
  And one thing that I thought was very odd was that it was very
• 38:12
  familiar to when I was a young kid.
• 38:14
  I got instantly brought back to when I was a young kid at a
• 38:17
  house I had at a neighbor's house actually.
• 38:20
  And same smell, same taste, nasal conset, nasal cavity
• 38:24
  sensation, a dripping and it was just really like, oh, I've I've
• 38:28
  felt this before. This chemical has flushed
• 38:31
  through my system before I'd notice how to metabolize it.
• 38:34
  You don't need to be scared as much as you're sitting there
• 38:36
  like oh shit sights and sounds and everything spinning it.
• 38:39
  It was chaotic, but it was comfortable.
• 38:41
  It wasn't scary. It was this is this is how your
• 38:45
  human body is without the governor on, without the the
• 38:50
  filters on. This is you with not only your
• 38:52
  human 5 senses dialed way up, but this is you with multiple
• 38:55
  other senses that now you have access to.
• 38:58
  But no epiphany, no entities, no downloads, no voices.
• 39:03
  It was just sights and sounds and really cool shit.
• 39:05
  And wow, this is my body interacting with this chemical
• 39:08
  in a unique way. Yeah, so a really important
• 39:13
  aspect of DMT, which is probably critical with most psychedelics,
• 39:18
  at last hours and hours. So shrooms, depending on the
• 39:20
  dose, 4568 hours, LSD 10 plus hours, Ayahuasca depending on
• 39:25
  dose, again, could be a day or more.
• 39:28
  DMT lasts 7-8 minutes. So you have this amazing blast
• 39:32
  off, you go into the deepest of psychedelic spaces and have
• 39:35
  access to all of this information and vibratory
• 39:39
  access. But then you come back to full
• 39:41
  lucidity. You're completely normal.
• 39:43
  So in my case, that first blast, you come back, you can integrate
• 39:47
  it kind of say like, oh shit, what was that put into context?
• 39:51
  But I didn't get any answers. I didn't get, you know, So I was
• 39:54
  able to push it again, see a little bit more sights and
• 39:57
  sounds, no epiphany, no answers. Push it again a little bit
• 39:59
  further, a little bit further. And you know, I go over some of
• 40:02
  the details of my book, but about an hour and a half into
• 40:05
  it, we're at that last session. And I was, my body could
• 40:09
  obviously handle the chemical. It felt really good.
• 40:12
  I was. I was.
• 40:13
  My body was vibrating and I felt as though I was using this, this
• 40:16
  chemical properly. But again, I, I was no answers.
• 40:20
  I was still just depressed mess with all of these, you know,
• 40:24
  demons exposed, so to speak. And that last session I really
• 40:29
  pleaded to the universe and I begged.
• 40:30
  I said I need help. I don't know what help.
• 40:33
  I don't know what it is, but if, if I don't get something again,
• 40:36
  if you want me on this planet, then I, I need something and I
• 40:39
  don't even know who the hell I was asking that to.
• 40:40
  It was just a, a crying plea. Like fuck, I, I need, I need an
• 40:45
  answer, I need help. And that last session was
• 40:48
  completely different. Everything, everything was
• 40:52
  opposite of the last seven sessions that I had.
• 40:54
  So there was no sights and sounds.
• 40:56
  There was no vibratory hum. I didn't feel like I was, you
• 41:00
  know, shooting through a portal. I didn't feel like I was
• 41:02
  descending into an abyss. I was just there in this
• 41:05
  comfortable space with, with nothing going on.
• 41:08
  And I got this very common conveyance of information in a
• 41:12
  message and it wasn't, you know, an English speaking voice, It
• 41:15
  wasn't pictures. It was just instantly a knowing
• 41:19
  that. And the best way for me to
• 41:21
  describe it in my subjective case was I had all these
• 41:23
  subjective dots that I was trying to connect in my life.
• 41:26
  So I had this amazing past with all of this advantages, but all
• 41:29
  this shit that blew up and I'm now what am I going to do in the
• 41:32
  future? I like, I have no place to live.
• 41:34
  I just threatened to kill a guy. I, you know, I have all of this
• 41:37
  shit going on and, and then where I'm at right now, like,
• 41:42
  what do I do? And Long story short, I was
• 41:43
  driving myself crazy and I was driving myself anxious and
• 41:46
  depressed and ultimately suicidal because I could never
• 41:49
  just focus on what I needed to focus on.
• 41:51
  And my mind was scattered in the past, in the future.
• 41:53
  And whatever that entity was or whatever that conveyance of
• 41:55
  information was, was it connected all of those dots in
• 41:58
  my head And it was like, all right, you have all of these
• 42:01
  things. Look at this is how they're all
• 42:02
  connected. And then that instantly blew up
• 42:05
  into a million dots. And I was like, look, now we'll
• 42:07
  connect all these and that blew up into a billion dots.
• 42:09
  And it was like, now we'll connect all these.
• 42:11
  And the message was kind of in a joking way, like you stupid
• 42:15
  human, the point isn't to connect all the dots in your
• 42:17
  life. It's to appreciate the space
• 42:19
  between the dots. It's to appreciate the beat
• 42:21
  between the sound. It's to it's not to make sense
• 42:25
  of it all. It's just to be here right now
• 42:27
  and not right here now this minute, but like right here now,
• 42:29
  this millisecond. And I'm actually writing a
• 42:32
  chapter of my next book. I just I was writing it
• 42:33
  yesterday and I talk about be here now is just way more than,
• 42:37
  you know, a Ram Dass title of his book or it was a George
• 42:40
  Harrison song back in the 70s as well.
• 42:43
  And it's not just a point of reference to be here now.
• 42:46
  It really was this and that was the epiphany moment was fuck,
• 42:50
  like all you have is right now. And so you've got this spotlight
• 42:54
  that the shroom spotlighted all of the shit what you need to do
• 42:57
  an actual like good diagnostic analytical check of everything
• 43:01
  in your life, including your strengths and weaknesses.
• 43:04
  And now the DMT was and all you right now you have this second.
• 43:08
  So what can you do this second? And I've lived every second of 3
• 43:13
  1/2 years now with that mentality of truly living here,
• 43:16
  right, right now, where every moment is beautiful and
• 43:20
  wonderful and divine and is my second chance at life.
• 43:23
  And it's, it's awesome. Now that wasn't just fix it all.
• 43:28
  I, I still, then there was still quite a bit of the journey and
• 43:31
  still a bit of the struggle. But that was so it was the
• 43:35
  mirror work from the shrooms. And then it was the, the, the
• 43:39
  recognition that you can, we can wallow all of your time in the
• 43:43
  past or be anxious about the future, or you can act right
• 43:46
  now. So that means whatever that
• 43:48
  means, go for a hike, go to the gym, eat a healthy meal, say
• 43:51
  you're sorry when you need to sleep, when you need to, take a
• 43:54
  nap when you need to, whatever it is, be here now in that
• 43:58
  present moment. And it reduced all of the stress
• 44:01
  and anxiety where then I could start taking a shovel of shit
• 44:04
  out everyday. And I've been shoveling shit out
• 44:07
  of my hole that I made now for years.
• 44:09
  And it's really now starting to be like I'm peeking over the
• 44:12
  horizon and things are happening now in my life and just falling
• 44:15
  into my lap again that are aligned with everything I'm
• 44:18
  passionate about where, you know, I still have a lot of
• 44:21
  amends to make. And all those people that I
• 44:22
  harmed, if I have a cross paths with them again, I'll ask for
• 44:26
  their sincere apology. And if they give it to me,
• 44:30
  great. If not, I give them that space
• 44:31
  to not give it to me either, because I really was that much
• 44:33
  of A jerk. And but I'm, I'm cool now.
• 44:36
  I can move on. I can live my life where.
• 44:40
  And this is something if if I could say.
• 44:42
  Yeah. Not to keep someone up stuff
• 44:45
  with cliches, but it's something that I've said a few times
• 44:48
  recently and it's so simple and it makes sense.
• 44:52
  I think from for a lot of people and for all different reasons,
• 44:55
  whether they want to lose weight or gain weight, they want to get
• 44:58
  a girlfriend or a boyfriend or lose a boyfriend or girlfriend.
• 45:00
  They want a position here. They want something in life
• 45:03
  where they're always chasing or they're always trying to get
• 45:05
  something. They're not, not only they're
• 45:07
  not here right now, but they're not here right now comfortable
• 45:10
  in their own skin. And what I've really realized is
• 45:14
  I'm so comfortable being me with all of my scars and warts and
• 45:17
  all of my bullshit. I'm so comfortable in my own
• 45:19
  skin to express myself creatively or energetically or
• 45:23
  in any way. And because of that, my soul is
• 45:26
  comfortable. I'm not seeking to be me with
• 45:29
  more money. I'm not seeking to be me with
• 45:30
  another book. I'm not seeking to be me without
• 45:33
  all of that shit. But I also don't want to be
• 45:35
  ascend to the 5D or find my home planet or become a, an eagle or
• 45:39
  a whale or a freaking tiger like I, I'm I'm really happy with my
• 45:43
  soul right now as Adam Butler at 45 years old.
• 45:46
  It's exactly where it needs to be.
• 45:48
  And because of that calmness, I went from the stressed out,
• 45:52
  overweight, alcoholic, belligerent jerk who was so pent
• 45:54
  up and anxious who wanted to literally jump out of my skin,
• 45:57
  kill myself and take out people with me.
• 45:59
  Two, so comfortable being who I am.
• 46:02
  And all I want to do now is love and embrace and share light in
• 46:06
  it. And I'm comfortable with that.
• 46:08
  Sounding corny as all hell, but it, it's true.
• 46:11
  And I'm, I'm like, I'm that guy that walks into the room now and
• 46:16
  talks about love and light and hugs and gives people the
• 46:19
  hopefully the space to share. And before I was a guy that just
• 46:22
  made everybody feel like they had to walk on egg shells.
• 46:24
  And yeah, so if you can get to the point where you are
• 46:29
  comfortable, who you are with, with all the shit you're in,
• 46:33
  that's bliss. That's heaven on earth.
• 46:35
  Like that is whatever that's your definition of that's
• 46:37
  success. That's that's when you can not
• 46:40
  necessarily like end therapy or end, but it's like cool.
• 46:43
  Like that's I'm comfortable me and I'm comfortable.
• 46:46
  It's going to happen tomorrow, good or bad, because it's part
• 46:49
  of what has to happen. And you don't try to change it
• 46:52
  or alter it, and you just kind of succumb to the universe's
• 46:55
  plane instead of yours. Yeah, well, that's not an
• 46:59
  endorsement for at least considering the thought of
• 47:04
  learning more about DMTI. Don't know what is.
• 47:07
  Because you know, you hear more and more people too, getting
• 47:12
  away from alcohol and being like, you know, like at all from
• 47:17
  what I'm hearing, like in all the generations, being like, you
• 47:19
  know, this is just really destructive and you know, hard.
• 47:24
  But for me, it we when the thing that keeps coming to mind is
• 47:29
  that like, it sounds like DMT and your experiences in the last
• 47:34
  three 3 1/2 years, DMT is a gateway for you to become
• 47:42
  comfortable in your own skin, which like, if you're not
• 47:45
  comfortable in your own skin, you can't.
• 47:48
  Oh. He very comfortable in his own
• 47:52
  yes he's. Comfortable.
• 47:53
  OK, go on. All right, that's so he's going
• 48:00
  to go pee. That's why he's like, yeah,
• 48:02
  he's. Like.
• 48:03
  Listening to his triggers. I know, right?
• 48:06
  Seriously, Like you can't even be in the moment if if you're,
• 48:13
  if someone out there is like listening and they're like
• 48:15
  you're always going for something, you're not actually
• 48:17
  comfortable being in your own skin.
• 48:19
  It's really hard to enjoy the moment, right?
• 48:23
  A, a practical kind of routine that I got into just this maybe
• 48:27
  a couple years ago, but it's really helpful to to make sure
• 48:30
  you do stay in that moment is, you know, every night I go to
• 48:33
  bed and I have my kind of set routine of, of prayers of
• 48:35
  gratitude and thanks and, and I really do set the mood for when
• 48:38
  I when I go to sleep. So when I wake up, I'm already
• 48:41
  kind of in this, this really prepped and prime ready to go
• 48:44
  mood and attitude and physiologically like ready.
• 48:47
  But every morning I start with another kind of set of prayers
• 48:50
  of gratitude. And I typically, you know, well,
• 48:52
  not typically, I always say my, my thanks to the sun just for,
• 48:55
  for being there. And then I, you know, I kind of
• 48:57
  have a couple of other personal entities that I say my thanks
• 48:59
  to, But then I say Earth Adam 45.
• 49:02
  So I'm 45 years old and I, and, and so I was for Earth Adam 44
• 49:06
  up until July 22nd, but now it's, it's Earth Adam 45.
• 49:09
  And then I say something about that day that's unique and
• 49:12
  special. So it's Earth Adam 45.
• 49:14
  You whatever, you divine beautiful soul or you whatever
• 49:18
  you namely, you know, so like I just came back from the granite
• 49:22
  burn up in New Hampshire, which was this awesome experience.
• 49:25
  So it's like, you know, whatever you dancing, granite burn and
• 49:28
  whatever. And it's just, it's fun.
• 49:30
  It's my own. Yeah, but it recognized.
• 49:32
  But then when it's Earth Adam 46, it's just.
• 49:34
  So for 365 days a year, I'm giving thanks to who I am right
• 49:39
  now as, as a 45 year old, not only male, but Adam, Adam Butler
• 49:44
  at 45 years old today is what I'm giving thanks for, for being
• 49:47
  here. And that's something that will
• 49:50
  keep me grounded because I know when I'm 46, I'll have another
• 49:53
  365 days of being thankful for just that, that or without I'm
• 49:57
  46 if I'm blessed enough to be there.
• 49:59
  And it's a really humbling and grounding thing because it, it
• 50:02
  forces you to, to really give stock of where you're at that
• 50:06
  day. And, you know, maybe a, a
• 50:08
  simple, just kind of a simple thing where you're not praying
• 50:11
  to any God or anything or going through any ritual or routine.
• 50:16
  It's really just a a recognition of who you are as a soul in your
• 50:20
  body. You've got all your digits.
• 50:22
  You like, we just had a close family friend 2 days ago.
• 50:24
  Have a brain aneurysm. Probably not going to make it
• 50:27
  like messed himself up bad. And you know, he's he's like, I
• 50:32
  don't even think he's 70 years old and not that you know, it's
• 50:34
  like way too young to be having that should happen, but you
• 50:37
  never know when that's going to happen or God forbid you know
• 50:41
  something worse. So if you can wake up and say
• 50:44
  your name and your age, no, what no matter where you're at, be
• 50:48
  happy and then don't try to be the younger version or the older
• 50:50
  version or man, I, as soon as I get my PhD, I'll be great.
• 50:54
  Or as soon as I get my license, I'll be great.
• 50:56
  Or yeah, as soon as I retire, then I then I'll be good.
• 50:59
  It's like, no, you're, you're perfect right now.
• 51:02
  And because, you know, just appreciate that.
• 51:04
  And it's because then that that reduces the stress and that it
• 51:08
  feels good. And it's just a self
• 51:09
  perpetuating easy routine of like, oh, this is what it feels
• 51:13
  like to not be anxious and angry and all pent up.
• 51:16
  Like this is, excuse me, what it means to have the patience to
• 51:20
  have a conversation about topics that you disagree with and not
• 51:24
  get angry because you're you're not already tense and on the
• 51:27
  defensive. Like all of those things just
• 51:29
  make it so you want to do more of it where you know, before.
• 51:33
  And I do if, if I could when I, I want to make sure because I
• 51:36
  don't want to come off as preachy about like alcohol.
• 51:39
  Alcohol is definitely not the problem or isn't a problem in
• 51:42
  itself. I know a lot of people that they
• 51:44
  go fishing on the weekends and have a couple beers or women
• 51:47
  that at the end of the work week, you know, crack a bottle
• 51:49
  of Prosecco and have a couple mimosas or that is absolutely
• 51:52
  fine. And I think it's a way to
• 51:54
  enhance your life and, and honestly, it, it can add
• 51:57
  socially and, and benefit your life.
• 51:59
  I was the guy though, that was put in bourbon heavy bourbon in
• 52:02
  my coffee every morning, drinking 8% double IPA
• 52:05
  throughout the day and then ending it with a couple extra
• 52:07
  shots to make sex more interesting.
• 52:09
  I thought, which was just gross because I was just a gross drunk
• 52:12
  slob breathing on her. But that was that was my
• 52:16
  routine. Or and even and these are the
• 52:17
  little triggers to where it's like on vacation.
• 52:19
  So I'd be that the designated driver, what you would think,
• 52:22
  right? And it's like, no Sir, I've
• 52:23
  already snuck 3 coffees with bourbon things packed.
• 52:28
  But you know what? Oh, I forgot one more thing.
• 52:29
  And I didn't forget that thing, but I would run in and just grab
• 52:32
  a bottle of fucking vodka and chug an extra, you know, a big,
• 52:35
  a big mouthful for one extra bump.
• 52:37
  Because now I know I was going to be with the family and I
• 52:39
  couldn't do that. And it's like those are the if
• 52:41
  you're doing that. You're doing that.
• 52:43
  That's not healthy. Or if you're doing that with
• 52:45
  with pills, if you're doing that with whatever, and it could be,
• 52:48
  it could be porn, it could be and it could be a whole bunch of
• 52:51
  shit, whatever. That thing is if.
• 52:54
  If you need to hide it, and that's where that heaven for me.
• 52:57
  God, Pepe and the psychedelic kind of things there.
• 53:00
  It's like if if you should be able to act like a camera's on
• 53:03
  you at all points. And if you're doing something
• 53:05
  where you'd be ashamed of having your wife or your kids or your
• 53:07
  husband look at you or your boss, then don't fucking do it.
• 53:11
  Like it's that simple. And that's where people don't
• 53:13
  have the then you said it the other day I saw say like, they
• 53:16
  don't have the balls to actually to, to be like, oh, like I, I
• 53:21
  got to be accountable and I've got to not do that because
• 53:24
  something Intel is in me saying vibrationally, this is off and I
• 53:27
  shouldn't do it and I need to hide it and I'm ashamed of it.
• 53:30
  And if you're ashamed of it and, or if it's a difficult
• 53:32
  conversation or a difficult topic, to me, that means that's
• 53:35
  a, that's the trigger. That's exactly what needs to
• 53:37
  have the spotlight on it. And let's, let's have that
• 53:40
  conversation about why you have that desire to have 6 drinks
• 53:43
  before noon before you get into a, you know, for a road trip.
• 53:47
  Like that's not good. Totally.
• 53:50
  But it's in DMT and like, it sounds like shrooms when you
• 53:56
  were having that moment in the mirror, and I've had that
• 53:58
  moment, I've done like mirror work where you're just looking
• 54:01
  at yourself and you're like, Oh my God, like when you just look
• 54:03
  at yourself. And that's a powerful
• 54:06
  experience. And then I have done shrooms.
• 54:09
  I did shrooms probably like 15 years ago.
• 54:12
  And I remember things like, but I remember just even starting to
• 54:15
  be like, OK, yeah, there's more to like what I think.
• 54:20
  Yeah. And then I have not done DMT
• 54:23
  very, very interested because I this podcast too, is making me
• 54:28
  making me realize and therapy and just through all my wrong
• 54:32
  turns and experiences. Like you have to look at it.
• 54:36
  You have to look at what's going on, you know?
• 54:39
  And if you don't, it's gonna like when you start to look at
• 54:43
  it, you start to have all these realizations about what you
• 54:47
  really need to do or like you had said, like the role that you
• 54:51
  played in it, right? Yeah.
• 54:55
  Whatever it is. And then once you remove that
• 54:57
  proverbial plaque, once you get aligned with whatever, and
• 55:00
  that's the beauty too. Is that like what I'm trying to
• 55:02
  share is this is going to be subjective and unique for every
• 55:07
  individual. And we're all going to kind of
• 55:08
  have our own sparkly iridescent facet of our own shine.
• 55:12
  And so it's not, hey, we all could have the same religion.
• 55:15
  We all going to think the same way politically, We all going to
• 55:17
  think the same way about gender. We all going to think the same
• 55:19
  way about this, this, whatever. It's like, no, we can.
• 55:22
  There's a space for all of us. It's just a matter of being
• 55:26
  comfortable, like I mentioned, and a beautiful pot of that.
• 55:31
  And it is, it is comfortable in your own skin.
• 55:33
  And it is confidence and maybe even as a sense of cockiness
• 55:36
  too, that's there that I'm, I am very comfortable in my own skin.
• 55:39
  Yeah. But because of that, because I'm
• 55:41
  not worried about somebody else swaying me or overpowering me or
• 55:45
  belittling me or their opinion affecting me, it makes it very
• 55:49
  easy for me to give them that space for them to express
• 55:53
  themselves authentically and truthfully.
• 55:56
  And it's like, well, no, if if I have that for me, I want that
• 55:59
  for you. And it becomes way different
• 56:01
  from with all the women that I was with.
• 56:03
  It was how do you not think like me?
• 56:05
  How do you, how could you do something differently?
• 56:06
  Why would you put the milk there when you should put it there?
• 56:08
  Why would you leave your shoes there when you do it there?
• 56:10
  How the hell do you have laundry on the floor for a fucking week?
• 56:12
  It's like, no, but it, those are the things now where I have, if
• 56:18
  I, and again, a corny example, but with like the shoes thing.
• 56:22
  Now if I see my girlfriend's shoes by the door, I think about
• 56:25
  how cute her feet are. I think about how sexy her socks
• 56:28
  are. I think about, I can't wait to
• 56:29
  rub her feet. And it, it turns into this whole
• 56:31
  thing about how lucky I am to have this beautiful woman in my
• 56:34
  life that her, her shoes are actually by my door and how
• 56:38
  blessed I am. And it, it's a whole, whole
• 56:40
  different perspective. And that can apply to, to
• 56:44
  everything, even if it's you're starving and somebody only gives
• 56:47
  you a cracker. It's like, it's not well, what
• 56:49
  the fuck? I don't have a 7 course meal.
• 56:50
  It's like, wow, I can really appreciate this cracker.
• 56:53
  And and maybe it's just, you know, really no, no, only
• 56:56
  examples, but. I am that person now too, like.
• 57:00
  And that applies to everybody where even now I talked about my
• 57:04
  success career wise, where, you know, I could easily make 1000
• 57:07
  bucks a day or more in multiple of my other careers.
• 57:10
  Where now I'm basically weed whacking as a landscaper and I
• 57:13
  have an amazing job with one of my best friends.
• 57:15
  But I get paid 24 bucks an hour and I'm not making anywhere the
• 57:19
  type of money that I used to make.
• 57:21
  But I'm, I'm happy. Like it's just every day, all
• 57:24
  day. I'm happy.
• 57:26
  And that's, that's everything I can express myself.
• 57:30
  I have the time and space to do what I want to.
• 57:32
  And I don't know where I was going with that.
• 57:34
  That's something to do with, but just giving, giving people the
• 57:36
  the space for them to kind of be themselves.
• 57:39
  And it makes it easy too, because that takes away road
• 57:41
  rage. That takes away again, being
• 57:42
  pissed off in the market that gets pissed off.
• 57:45
  And here's another kind of there are a lot of people, my father
• 57:49
  included, who every day, all day, it's get pissed, start
• 57:53
  yelling at the newspaper when they read it, then as we yell at
• 57:56
  the news, and then when they get in the car, it's literally not
• 57:58
  road rage. Once or twice, it's yelling at
• 58:00
  everybody along the way. Everybody in every store is the
• 58:02
  asshole. Then you get home, when you
• 58:04
  watch the news, everybody's an asshole there.
• 58:06
  You get pissed at cooking dinner, you get pissed at the
• 58:08
  dishes in the dinner, you get pissed at making the bed.
• 58:11
  You get like literally every day, all day, everybody you
• 58:13
  interact with is an asshole and everything pisses you off.
• 58:16
  If that's you, you're the asshole, not everybody else.
• 58:20
  And like life can be fucking amazing and you don't need to
• 58:23
  walk around like that all pissed off.
• 58:25
  And if if you're sitting there yelling at the TV screen, read a
• 58:29
  book, go for a walk in the woods, go pet a puppy.
• 58:32
  Like find somebody with a little kid in your life.
• 58:34
  Like I watched one of your videos when your your young
• 58:37
  daughter came in. Take take a walk for her and ask
• 58:40
  her to go get bugs like for an hour.
• 58:42
  If I guarantee you, you're going to have an amazing experience
• 58:45
  instead of watching what whatever the left or right did,
• 58:49
  it's like you'll you'll drive yourself nuts.
• 58:51
  But you you spend an hour a day with your daughter catching bugs
• 58:54
  for the a week, a month, and then six months and you realize,
• 58:57
  wow, I'm calm after dinner instead of I want to go fight my
• 59:02
  coworker like it's just a. It's transformative when it's
• 59:09
  funny you say that like bringing up what the little things come
• 59:11
  up. I've been trying to do that
• 59:14
  where I'm trying to be less reactive because I'm like a hot
• 59:17
  head. I can be very hot headed, but
• 59:19
  that's OK. Like I it serves its purpose in
• 59:22
  the right, you know, time, but even with just little things,
• 59:27
  like little minor inconveniences where you're like, and it's
• 59:30
  like, is it really, is it really, is it really that big of
• 59:34
  a deal? Do you know what I mean?
• 59:34
  And it's like reframing when you're talking about your
• 59:38
  girlfriend's shoes, it's like looking at a mess in the kids
• 59:42
  room and being like, wow, I'm so lucky that it like I have a mess
• 59:45
  to look at or I've interviewed two people on the podcast who
• 59:50
  have vision loss. I'm like, wow, I can see this
• 59:53
  mess. Wow, I can hear my kids arguing.
• 59:57
  Wow. I mean, it's all reframing and
• 59:59
  it sounds. Like although you may might have
• 1:00:03
  tried to do that before you had this experience with shrooms and
• 1:00:06
  DMT, something about DMT for you unlocked this ability to feel
• 1:00:13
  comfortable in your skin, look at yourself with compassion, but
• 1:00:17
  then also like you're fundamentally different person
• 1:00:21
  now seems like from what you've said.
• 1:00:24
  Completely. And for me and that analogy
• 1:00:27
  about the plaque, I think really applies for me, though, I
• 1:00:30
  psychedelics was the chemical and mechanical product that
• 1:00:36
  blasted that plaque away from me and it up.
• 1:00:38
  And until then, there was nothing that I could express
• 1:00:40
  from the inside or receive from the outside because I just had
• 1:00:42
  this crusted shell on me that was just not allowing me to do
• 1:00:45
  anything. But I, I again, I want to stress
• 1:00:47
  psychedelic is not the only mechanical or chemical remover.
• 1:00:51
  I just went last. It's coming up on a year now.
• 1:00:53
  I went to the Monroe Institute. This is a place in Virginia
• 1:00:57
  where they have a bunch of different meditation programs.
• 1:00:59
  But I was there with with a group of 25 people and it ranged
• 1:01:03
  from relatively young to relatively old.
• 1:01:06
  And at the end of that week, there was such a
• 1:01:09
  transformational, transformational shift.
• 1:01:11
  And all of these people where they had such connection to
• 1:01:14
  themselves, they really did all of this inner work.
• 1:01:16
  And it's because basically for six days, we had eight to 10
• 1:01:20
  hours of deep meditation per day.
• 1:01:21
  All our phones and computers were off.
• 1:01:23
  You know, we were called to dinner with a ringing of a bell.
• 1:01:26
  We had this beautiful grounds to walk around.
• 1:01:28
  And it was just a disconnection from everything else but
• 1:01:31
  yourself. And that inner work unlocked the
• 1:01:35
  same type of stuff that I would unlock.
• 1:01:37
  And I think for some people it could be yoga, for some people
• 1:01:40
  it could be religious or spiritual.
• 1:01:41
  For some people, it could be cold plunges.
• 1:01:45
  You know, it's a whole host of things where I'm actually the
• 1:01:48
  next thing I want to do is do a darkness retreat where.
• 1:01:52
  Heard about those? Yeah.
• 1:01:54
  Really excited because I think that's going to be challenging
• 1:01:57
  like most people can't think about sitting in a room with
• 1:01:59
  yourself in the dark for an hour, let alone for three or
• 1:02:01
  four or five days or a week, right.
• 1:02:03
  So this is days and days. But what how much better of an
• 1:02:08
  understanding of you as an individual would you be if you
• 1:02:11
  did that? And the answer is I think quite
• 1:02:13
  a bit of a better understanding. So because of that, that's,
• 1:02:16
  that's what I want to do now. And I get, I think I because
• 1:02:19
  that will be more plaque removal or more Teflon coating, so to
• 1:02:24
  speak, to make sure the plaque doesn't add on.
• 1:02:26
  And that's part of the story too, is I think once you see
• 1:02:29
  just how beautiful and divine and your potential and what it
• 1:02:33
  can be, there's very little chance of going back.
• 1:02:36
  Like I, I have No Fear of me going back to drinking and being
• 1:02:38
  alcoholic because I don't ever want to be hungover.
• 1:02:41
  I don't want to feel like shit. I don't want to worry about
• 1:02:43
  puking and shit in my pants all day.
• 1:02:44
  I don't want to be overweight. I don't want a bear gut.
• 1:02:47
  I mean, there's a million reasons why that is just not
• 1:02:50
  even something I would do. Just like I'll never ever raise
• 1:02:54
  my voice to a, a, a woman or a guy point my finger in their
• 1:02:57
  face and scream the F word and with spit and drool coming out
• 1:03:01
  of my face and my eyes blazing. Like if I'm that upset or if I'm
• 1:03:05
  that had that much loss of control over me and my body.
• 1:03:09
  Man, I need to go for a walk. I need to have a glass of water.
• 1:03:11
  I need to decompress. I need to like I, I need to, I
• 1:03:14
  needed to have stopped that 10 clicks ago where I just know
• 1:03:18
  I'll never get to that point. Like I said, unless I come home
• 1:03:21
  and someone's, you know, tying up my mother or something, then
• 1:03:24
  it's right. Then the rage can come through.
• 1:03:26
  But on a day-to-day, because somebody did you wrong or
• 1:03:29
  somebody somebody perceived perceivedly, did you?
• 1:03:33
  Wrong. That's just because you'll get
• 1:03:36
  pissed off all day. You'll be that person literally
• 1:03:38
  tense and anxious all day complaining about other people
• 1:03:41
  instead of realizing, wow, I have the capability to go and
• 1:03:45
  just listen to crickets by a lake and whatever, like smell
• 1:03:50
  trees. And it sounds gay, but like I
• 1:03:53
  should say like, no, it's, it's fine.
• 1:03:57
  It's like, but that's, but imagine seeing me in the wood,
• 1:03:59
  like smelling the leaf being like, oh God, that guy must be
• 1:04:01
  on shrooms. And it's like, no, I, I'm just
• 1:04:03
  happy to be alive because this is where I'm at right now.
• 1:04:07
  No, and I literally, I, I, I understand those moments and I
• 1:04:14
  like, I think the once you get on this path of inner
• 1:04:17
  exploration and then whatever way you go deeper and DMT is
• 1:04:24
  something I'm very interested. So we're going to have to talk
• 1:04:26
  about this even more. There's no turning back probably
• 1:04:30
  because of how good you start to feel like I self love.
• 1:04:34
  I'm not even fully there yet in the last two years.
• 1:04:37
  I'm like, whoa, I'm not going back to like the hating like and
• 1:04:41
  I'm not even fully like integrated with all the stuff
• 1:04:44
  yet, but this feels so I literally as you start to love
• 1:04:48
  yourself or accept or view yourself, befriend those demons
• 1:04:53
  you, you change where like your reality and the way you
• 1:04:57
  perceive. It's like not the same.
• 1:04:59
  Yeah, you don't put tape on those indicator lights.
• 1:05:01
  No, you like but. And to the most refined SO and
• 1:05:04
  you and I respect how you actually withheld some of the
• 1:05:07
  details about your story about your narcissistic interactions.
• 1:05:13
  Yeah. I mean, I was going to go with
• 1:05:14
  that, tell all of the things, but it's OK.
• 1:05:18
  Oh fuck, I was going to say. So the point was, so you've
• 1:05:24
  experienced something big like that, right?
• 1:05:26
  So now I think you're going to have your radar.
• 1:05:27
  So if you ever get a new job or a new position, like if anybody
• 1:05:30
  even expresses any of that, you're like, not even close.
• 1:05:33
  Don't. Even get even to this, to the
• 1:05:36
  smaller things, like if, if your, your feet hurt because
• 1:05:39
  you're the shoe is tied too tight, then untie it.
• 1:05:41
  If you, if you're getting dehydrated, you're going to stop
• 1:05:44
  and get water. If you're tired, like take a
• 1:05:46
  nap. If you find yourself hungry,
• 1:05:48
  you're going to eat. You're not going to be like, Oh
• 1:05:50
  no, I don't need a protein shake.
• 1:05:52
  No, you do need a protein shake. That's why your stomach's
• 1:05:54
  telling you you're hungry. Or you know, and that's when I
• 1:05:57
  people just don't listen to those signals in those stresses.
• 1:06:00
  And that's exactly what you need to do because they're telling
• 1:06:03
  you for a reason. And again, it just becomes that
• 1:06:07
  much easier to keep following those where it's like, I don't.
• 1:06:09
  I want more lights. I want more indicator lights.
• 1:06:11
  I want more data to come in, not less because I can.
• 1:06:16
  Again, I, I know where I should be and where I shouldn't be.
• 1:06:19
  And I know, I don't know, like energetically where I should be
• 1:06:24
  leaning towards. And it's almost like, like
• 1:06:26
  you're a tuning fork. And it's like you can, you know
• 1:06:28
  exactly where in the path you need to go or where to, to
• 1:06:31
  change because you just, you go where the vibration is strong.
• 1:06:34
  And you, if you start going this direction and the vibration like
• 1:06:38
  you feel like you're getting further away from source or
• 1:06:40
  further away from yourself, then you instantly know it.
• 1:06:42
  And you don't just say, well, this job's worth it because it's
• 1:06:46
  really good money or this this relationship's good because
• 1:06:48
  she's really attractive. Or you know what, like he's a
• 1:06:52
  really nice guy. He only hits me when he's drunk.
• 1:06:54
  So I'll I'll, I can that's OK. It's like, no, that that's
• 1:06:57
  fucking not OK ever, ever. Like never.
• 1:07:00
  OK. And if your indicator light is
• 1:07:03
  saying like, hey, you know, maybe you should do something,
• 1:07:07
  you don't just block it off with a shot of vodka or a pill or AI
• 1:07:11
  don't know. Whatever, whatever.
• 1:07:13
  Just run from it. Yeah, no, it's you need to you
• 1:07:15
  need to address that light and not only address it, Thank it be
• 1:07:18
  like, Oh my God, thank you. Put a star around it and
• 1:07:21
  highlight and be like wow you are my guardian Angel.
• 1:07:25
  Light trigger thing like it. That's you.
• 1:07:27
  Embrace it. It's not.
• 1:07:28
  Don't shame it. Don't.
• 1:07:30
  Don't shame. It no it's like how that makes
• 1:07:33
  like you're gonna get pissed so you take a road trip and then
• 1:07:36
  your tire pressure light comes on it's not oh what the hell my
• 1:07:39
  tire light comes on it's thank you so much for preventing A
• 1:07:41
  blowout Oh my God, that's. That's.
• 1:07:44
  You know, and if you talked about some of the other little
• 1:07:46
  things too, and that applies where say you miss your exit and
• 1:07:50
  this happens to me all the time. It's not get pissed because it
• 1:07:53
  added three minutes to your travel.
• 1:07:54
  The way I look at it is maybe I avoided an accident, maybe I
• 1:07:57
  avoided a cop. Maybe there would have been a
• 1:07:59
  squirrel if I turned that corner and I squished it somehow,
• 1:08:01
  someway. It's not Adam, you idiot, you're
• 1:08:04
  so stupid. Or what the fuck universe.
• 1:08:07
  It's just, oh, that means I did. I wasn't supposed to go that
• 1:08:10
  way. And maybe I'll see who knows,
• 1:08:12
  Maybe it's a car I like. Maybe it's a cool Bush.
• 1:08:14
  Like, again, who knows what it may be, but it's not get pissed
• 1:08:17
  because I missed the exit. It's just OK travel on to the
• 1:08:21
  next exit. It's and that it's a really a
• 1:08:24
  metaphor for everything. And that doesn't mean be
• 1:08:26
  complacent. If anything, I'm more driven,
• 1:08:28
  more aligned, more passionate than I've ever been.
• 1:08:30
  But I'm not trying to push my plan or my whatever because
• 1:08:36
  that's failed every time I've tried to do it.
• 1:08:38
  Just be perfect honest with you where it's as soon as I fall
• 1:08:40
  back and just let shit come into my lap, amazing things have
• 1:08:44
  unfolded and it's again, it just leave.
• 1:08:46
  One path doesn't work. One path does so stay on the one
• 1:08:49
  that does. Well, Adam, seriously, I mean,
• 1:08:53
  this is like you said, one path to get there.
• 1:08:56
  And if you are interested in this path of exploring DMTI love
• 1:09:02
  how easily. I mean it's really, it's not
• 1:09:05
  intimidating to pick up and read.
• 1:09:08
  Let me just read. I like to read some of the
• 1:09:10
  chapter titles from people who are interested here.
• 1:09:12
  I love the first chapter title. Who the fuck am I?
• 1:09:16
  Which is exactly why I started this podcast.
• 1:09:19
  I was like, who am I? But if I may, I added that
• 1:09:22
  vulgarity because it can't just be a timid, oh, who the fuck am
• 1:09:25
  I? Or you know, maybe I'll find out
• 1:09:27
  today. Who the fuck am I?
• 1:09:28
  It like I was it was my eyes were bulged and I'd stomach full
• 1:09:32
  of snots. I was literally on the verge of
• 1:09:33
  breaking and it was a pleaded and passionate who the fuck am
• 1:09:38
  I? And it's not.
• 1:09:39
  So, you know, I really I thought about taking that word out, but
• 1:09:42
  it has to have an energy to it where it's not just a a blase
• 1:09:47
  question, it's a no, you need to ask this with like your life
• 1:09:50
  depends on it, because it does. And in your life did.
• 1:09:53
  And it did, yeah. DMT, the miracle molecule, let's
• 1:09:58
  take a trip. What ADMT session feels like,
• 1:10:01
  how to prepare for it? And you gave us a little glimpse
• 1:10:03
  today, but I think obviously in the book you can get a lot more
• 1:10:07
  of that. And like Adam said, I'm putting
• 1:10:09
  all your contact information, your Instagram, all the things
• 1:10:13
  for any anybody that wants to reach out.
• 1:10:16
  Transcendental sex, art and science.
• 1:10:18
  DMT in the bedroom, art studio and research lab.
• 1:10:22
  Very I. Mean I'll just leave that one
• 1:10:26
  there. Grandma's recipe.
• 1:10:27
  How to make your own DMTDMT can help.
• 1:10:30
  Let's continue the dialogue and then reminder, who the fuck are
• 1:10:35
  you? I like that and then you talk
• 1:10:37
  about Psychonauts logbook advice, guidance and lessons
• 1:10:40
  learned and a very good one to end on, I think, public
• 1:10:44
  announcement. I think we need this one.
• 1:10:46
  Love thy neighbor. Yeah, and thank you.
• 1:10:49
  If if I think that's a perfect way to sum up this podcast on
• 1:10:53
  this day in this conversation where you know, really it's so
• 1:10:57
  it's a it's a 2 fold. If you're in a, a spot where you
• 1:11:01
  are full of light and love, things are going good.
• 1:11:03
  You know you're in a good spot, then please look out for the
• 1:11:07
  people around you that may not be because it's amazing what
• 1:11:11
  just a hello, a how you doing a hug, a heartfelt just
• 1:11:16
  conversation that make people feel like they're worthy, like
• 1:11:18
  they're a human and that the stats are pretty much proven
• 1:11:22
  that somebody in your inner circle is going through some
• 1:11:24
  suicidal or documental health thing.
• 1:11:26
  So if, if you can be that shoulder to lean on, then then
• 1:11:31
  by all means, please be that strength for somebody to lean
• 1:11:33
  on. And, but also twofold, if if you
• 1:11:36
  are in a dock space and you do need somebody to help you,
• 1:11:40
  please know, and you've said this multiple times too, like
• 1:11:42
  you're not alone there. There is help.
• 1:11:44
  There's, there's organizations that will be there to answer
• 1:11:48
  your phone call at any point. You know, me and my inner circle
• 1:11:51
  are available. And I, I mentioned that before
• 1:11:52
  recording. That's probably one of the the
• 1:11:54
  most rewarding aspects of what I've been doing so far is the
• 1:11:57
  personal connections with people where again, I'm not some
• 1:12:00
  enlightened soul. I don't act like I have all the
• 1:12:02
  answers, but what I can 100% say is that I'll give anybody the
• 1:12:06
  space for them to feel valued, to feel like their words are
• 1:12:10
  worthy to be listened to. And I am very, very comfortable
• 1:12:14
  that I can give people multiple reasons to stay on this planet.
• 1:12:17
  Just one more day, one more moment.
• 1:12:19
  And that that I think is something that if somebody
• 1:12:23
  needs, that I make myself accessible for that every day,
• 1:12:26
  all day because that's what drives me.
• 1:12:28
  Because then those people can then shine their light.
• 1:12:30
  And it just becomes this way of really, what is the next step of
• 1:12:34
  human evolution? Where do we take our society?
• 1:12:36
  What's going to happen for your kids and your kids and your kids
• 1:12:38
  where it's we have to do something where it's not
• 1:12:41
  divisive speech, it's not hate, it's not US against them.
• 1:12:44
  It has to be us as a human community.
• 1:12:46
  And again, that may sound hippie dippie woo, but I've been on the
• 1:12:49
  other side and it sucks and everything is destroyed.
• 1:12:52
  And I've been on this side and there's a way forward where
• 1:12:55
  everybody has, there's a space for everybody to have their own
• 1:12:57
  opinion and their own whatever. And yeah, if you're comfortable
• 1:13:01
  in your own skin, you'll let other people be comfortable in
• 1:13:03
  their skin, and then you can just live harmoniously instead
• 1:13:05
  of trying to combat with everybody.
• 1:13:09
  Doing that self work is doing your part in like healing all of
• 1:13:14
  the darkness. Like it really, it doesn't sound
• 1:13:16
  hippy dippy to me because I've experienced it and it's crazy
• 1:13:21
  where you're like, Oh my gosh, love really is the like
• 1:13:24
  literally people don't get it. You know, this like talks about
• 1:13:28
  like these big cycle, like how you the cycle changes and what's
• 1:13:31
  going to happen and is this big cosmic shift.
• 1:13:34
  And part of that, you know, it's easy to kind of just brush off.
• 1:13:36
  But I use me as a personal example that if I can change
• 1:13:39
  180° and change perspectives on damn near everything in my life,
• 1:13:43
  from the from the dark to the light, from the from the
• 1:13:45
  limitation to the full potential, like everything that
• 1:13:49
  I'm a microcosm of that where you know, you can extend that to
• 1:13:53
  your family, to your circle of friends, to your street, to your
• 1:13:56
  neighborhood, to your community, to your state, to your country,
• 1:13:58
  to your whatever. And is I it's, it's possible
• 1:14:02
  because I've seen it in my own self.
• 1:14:04
  And that drastic of a change can happen.
• 1:14:07
  And it's just a matter of having enough percentage of the people
• 1:14:10
  be an example to say there's a better way than just following
• 1:14:13
  the herd, watching all the smut being driven into craziness and
• 1:14:17
  Oh yeah, just drink and prescription pill it away and
• 1:14:20
  you'll be good. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:14:22
  So yeah, there's a lot we could talk for probably more hours.
• 1:14:26
  I'm available and accessible. And I do want to put this out
• 1:14:28
  too. Yeah, I know we said at the
• 1:14:29
  beginning that anybody that does want a free PDF copy of the
• 1:14:32
  book, it's really easy for me to send an e-mail with that.
• 1:14:35
  So as much as I'm like to sell the book, it's really about the
• 1:14:39
  message and getting that out there.
• 1:14:40
  And it's really easy for me to send that.
• 1:14:42
  So if anybody does want to copy, it's it's Books by Adam Butler
• 1:14:45
  at Gmail and I'm happy to send. It that's very, that's very nice
• 1:14:49
  of you, but I'm also going to tell you you can buy it as well
• 1:14:51
  if you'd like to buy it. And in the show notes, link to
• 1:14:55
  your Instagram link to all your information.
• 1:14:58
  And I'm so glad that we were able to connect today because I
• 1:15:03
  think authentically talking about mental health and then
• 1:15:06
  seeing and hearing someone talk about how much they have changed
• 1:15:12
  give somebody because when I was in my darkest, I was listening
• 1:15:16
  to podcasts being like, and I'm like, Oh, I'm not crazy or maybe
• 1:15:20
  I am, but at least somebody's talking about it.
• 1:15:23
  I think it can shine a light to make someone take an action or
• 1:15:29
  maybe someone that's hearing it is doing really well and they're
• 1:15:31
  like, you know what, I'm going to like look people in the eye a
• 1:15:34
  little more and just like spread some of that if you can, right?
• 1:15:38
  Yeah, So. Yeah, the message is there for
• 1:15:40
  everybody, and my mother is a perfect example too.
• 1:15:43
  Do I expect my mother to do shrooms or DMT or does she need
• 1:15:46
  to? Absolutely not.
• 1:15:47
  But before me with my experience with it, she may have been if
• 1:15:52
  she's got her hair cut, maybe she would would frown upon her.
• 1:15:55
  I wouldn't you know, psychedelics are bad or it's
• 1:15:57
  hardcore drugs. You know, there's a million ways
• 1:15:59
  to say it. When now she can say DMT saved
• 1:16:02
  my son's life and let me tell you what you know and no.
• 1:16:05
  So now she's read the literature.
• 1:16:06
  She's she's an advocate and a voice for what it can do.
• 1:16:09
  Not that she's doing it herself, but that's the type of ripple
• 1:16:12
  effect that can happen where now it's not judging, it's not
• 1:16:15
  taboo, it's not, well, he must be a whatever an, an addict or a
• 1:16:19
  druggie or not. There's I'm not making again,
• 1:16:21
  judgement calls. It's just that there's really,
• 1:16:24
  there's no negative connotation to it if it's used in a
• 1:16:26
  therapeutic way with intentions and everything was done in an up
• 1:16:30
  and up. And my mother, my father, my
• 1:16:32
  sister, my girlfriend, you know, they're, they're perfect
• 1:16:34
  advocates because they can say this is my, you know, my son's a
• 1:16:38
  changed man. And it's, it's because of
• 1:16:41
  shrooms and DMT. And you know, so those are the
• 1:16:43
  conversations that even if it's not for you and it and you would
• 1:16:46
  never do it. And maybe, and it's rightly so,
• 1:16:48
  maybe you don't want your family members to do it.
• 1:16:50
  It's just for some people it is it is an option that can really
• 1:16:55
  do benefit and let people have the space if it is right for
• 1:16:59
  them to do it without judgement would be mine, you know?
• 1:17:01
  Respond with curiosity, at least that that knee jerk reaction of
• 1:17:05
  oh, it's like, no, just, you know.
• 1:17:09
  And typically because if people come into it later on in life,
• 1:17:13
  it's because everything else didn't work too.
• 1:17:14
  It's like, you know, I've tried, most people have tried
• 1:17:16
  everything else. It's like, yeah, well, you know
• 1:17:18
  what, at this point, like because in my case it was, well,
• 1:17:20
  I'm ready to jump off a Cliff. So what the fuck it, like
• 1:17:24
  everything else didn't work. The therapy didn't work, the
• 1:17:27
  whatever the the medic self medication didn't work, the
• 1:17:30
  lying to myself didn't work. Maybe this this would and it
• 1:17:33
  did. So I thank you for giving me the
• 1:17:36
  space to share this. I'm excited.
• 1:17:39
  Thank you for I can't wait for the and it's I got to give a
• 1:17:41
  shout out to my producer who's going to be editing this.
• 1:17:44
  He's like Julian. He's probably laughing right now
• 1:17:46
  when he hears this. He was like, oh, I cannot wait
• 1:17:49
  for that episode with Adam on DMT.
• 1:17:51
  He's like, that's going to be badass because he and I, we're
• 1:17:55
  just he's been through some narcissistic stuff.
• 1:17:57
  We both, we're both like in the seeking mode of like, what is
• 1:18:02
  life really about like? And so I was like, he's like,
• 1:18:05
  oh, so I think a lot of people in my world who are doing some
• 1:18:10
  really serious soul searching are gonna be interested in
• 1:18:13
  hearing this, you know, cuz it's just like you said, it's an one
• 1:18:16
  Ave. that changed your life so. Well, I'm available, you know,
• 1:18:20
  It doesn't have to be on camera and recorded.
• 1:18:22
  I'm available to have conversations, you know, you
• 1:18:25
  know, personally, privately, whatever.
• 1:18:27
  And if I can help in any way, certainly I'm, I'm here to share
• 1:18:30
  not only, you know, my experiences, but I, I over the
• 1:18:32
  course of the few years now I've really collected a really cool
• 1:18:36
  group of inner circle friends, researchers, people that are
• 1:18:40
  sharing educational information and resources to, you know, just
• 1:18:44
  I can connect the dots to it in a lot of different ways where
• 1:18:46
  again, it's not just, oh, by my book, do DMT and you good.
• 1:18:49
  It's it's not that story at all. It's it's a way bigger picture
• 1:18:52
  the. Whole thing.
• 1:18:53
  Yeah. Well, thank you for making
• 1:18:56
  episode 62 cool. So special.
• 1:19:01
  I can't thank you enough, Adam. And I know I feel like we're
• 1:19:04
  going to be connected. Well, I mean, I always tell my
• 1:19:06
  guests, you're part of the adventures and adversity family.
• 1:19:10
  There's actually when, yeah, I'm going to send you an e-mail when
• 1:19:12
  we get off. There's, there's a a company and
• 1:19:14
  a woman that I, I think you may be interested in potentially
• 1:19:17
  connecting with. I'm visiting her and her husband
• 1:19:19
  in December to spend a week out in Utah, OK.
• 1:19:23
  And they offer ceremony, medication and attention.
• 1:19:27
  And it really sounds like it's and I've been contacted by a
• 1:19:29
  bunch of people in organizations.
• 1:19:31
  Some of them are just give me your money and sign up for some
• 1:19:34
  shit. And it's like, I don't want
• 1:19:35
  anything to do with that. These people really seem to be
• 1:19:37
  legit. She's a mom.
• 1:19:39
  She's a grand mom, she helps veterans.
• 1:19:41
  She's been through, you know, very successful in her business
• 1:19:44
  life. And now she's really dedicated
• 1:19:46
  to helping people. And so it's places like that
• 1:19:48
  that if people like you or other people are looking for a safe
• 1:19:51
  place to explore, it's it, you know, you don't, there are
• 1:19:54
  options where you don't have to go to the street or try to be
• 1:19:56
  friends. Somebody like me to have a
• 1:19:58
  session in your house or something.
• 1:19:59
  You know there are safe places to do it with professionals.
• 1:20:03
  Amazing it'll find you and I always tell people this and if
• 1:20:08
  DNT is supposed to be in your life it will find you and it'll
• 1:20:11
  make itself accessible and you really you don't have to look
• 1:20:14
  for it. It will, it will come to you in
• 1:20:15
  multiple ways. And if I'm just the first one of
• 1:20:19
  no, you're the second. So it'll come three or four more
• 1:20:22
  times. So 20 years ago, my roommate
• 1:20:24
  mentioned it and then it's back and I'm like, OK, you got my
• 1:20:26
  attention. Now, well, so yeah, no, I'll
• 1:20:29
  send you that information. And again, anybody else that
• 1:20:31
  wants to reach out to me, I'm here for.
• 1:20:33
  So thank you. And you don't have to worry
• 1:20:35
  about sending this to me to edit anything out.
• 1:20:37
  I'm comfortable. We're good.
• 1:20:38
  OK, perfect. I'll send it right to Julian.
• 1:20:40
  He's anxiously awaiting it. Cool.
• 1:20:42
  Thank you, Adam. And again, I really appreciate
• 1:20:46
  it. I know this.
• 1:20:47
  We have listeners all over the world.
• 1:20:49
  I'm so grateful to say that. And I think it's so freaking
• 1:20:52
  cool that someone all over someone is going to hear this
• 1:20:57
  and something in their soul, their soul might be stirred to
• 1:21:02
  maybe like love themselves just a little bit more.
• 1:21:04
  Who knows? You know I.
• 1:21:05
  Think so. So.
• 1:21:07
  Well, thank you. All right, well, happy Friday
• 1:21:10
  and happy World Mental Health Day.
• 1:21:12
  Keep keeping it real and I'll talk to you soon.
• 1:21:16
  Thank you again.