Latest / How To Talk To Humans / "Why Dogs Can't Talk" #67

Transcript

"Why Dogs Can't Talk" #67 · How To Talk To Humans

• 0:03
  Larry Wilson: Hi, this is Larry Wilson, and this is how to talk to humans. This is the podcast that shows you how to improve your communication skills. Are you looking to get a better job? Are you looking to find a relationship? Are you trying to do things in your life that have frustrated you and eluded you so far? I can show you so easily how to change that now.
• 0:28
  Larry Wilson: I can only do it with humans.
• 0:30
  Larry Wilson: If you're looking to deal with vampires or zombies, extraterrestrials, this is not the show for you. But if you're really looking to improve your communication skills, I can show you what I've learned from 40 years in show business, working with the biggest celebrities and superstars in the world, and their secrets are unbelievable. What I'm going to be teaching you during the course of this podcast every week are tools that you can use to communicate toward success.
• 1:07
  Larry Wilson: Hi, this is Larry Wilson. Welcome once again to another episode of how to talk to Humans.
• 1:15
  Larry Wilson: This is going to be quite a.
• 1:19
  Larry Wilson: Far reaching episode today.
• 1:22
  Larry Wilson: Let's go back a little bit in.
• 1:24
  Larry Wilson: Time in terms of communication, say, 150,000 years ago.
• 1:31
  Larry Wilson: Well, yes, that is quite a ways back.
• 1:35
  Larry Wilson: Neanderthal man.
• 1:39
  Larry Wilson: I guess, was the main game in town.
• 1:42
  Larry Wilson: It was all about neanderthal man and.
• 1:44
  Larry Wilson: All the things he did. And I think for about 100,000 years.
• 1:49
  Larry Wilson: Maybe a little bit longer, but then.
• 1:52
  Larry Wilson: At some point, and some of this.
• 1:54
  Larry Wilson: Is way beyond my field of expertise, about 30,000 years ago, neanderthal man sort.
• 2:04
  Larry Wilson: Of faded out and was replaced by a newer make of human known as homo sapiens. And he was very similar homo sapiens to what we look like today. Same size brain case and different, obviously, than neanderthal.
• 2:28
  Larry Wilson: But the most interesting thing is that.
• 2:33
  Larry Wilson: Homo sapiens had a lower larynx. It was lower in their throat, which.
• 2:42
  Larry Wilson: Meant they could choke on food.
• 2:48
  Larry Wilson: Now, this seems like a bad thing, of course, not something devoutly to be wished, but it is precisely that lower larynx which allows human speech. This, of course, is the reason that.
• 3:06
  Larry Wilson: Your dog cannot talk. No matter how much you love that dog. Its larynx is higher in throat, which.
• 3:13
  Larry Wilson: Means it can swallow and breathe at the same time. We, of course, can't do that. And this is the beginning of all this study of communication, I guess, of certainly of speech.
• 3:34
  Larry Wilson: Now, I don't want to delve too.
• 3:36
  Larry Wilson: Deeply into all the origins of language, because we only have a limited amount of time here. I find it fascinating, of course, I find it fascinating that there are languages all over the world that seem to.
• 3:52
  Larry Wilson: Have certain common elements and some elements are wildly disparate from them.
• 3:59
  Larry Wilson: So this is way beyond my field of education. But I do think it's interesting. The reason I mentioned your dog, if.
• 4:09
  Larry Wilson: In fact, you do have a dog.
• 4:12
  Larry Wilson: Is because a lot of people imagine they have strong communication with their pets, and I don't dispute that. I think they do. But I think there's a very valuable.
• 4:32
  Larry Wilson: Lesson that you may be overlooking as regards you and your pet's communication.
• 4:39
  Larry Wilson: Your dog can't really speak English, not.
• 4:45
  Larry Wilson: Just because it has a higher larynx.
• 4:48
  Larry Wilson: For many other reasons, but still, it.
• 4:51
  Larry Wilson: Seems like you're able to communicate with your dog. So how is that possible?
• 4:57
  Larry Wilson: How is it that you're able to.
• 4:59
  Larry Wilson: Say certain things and your dog seems to understand sometimes?
• 5:04
  Larry Wilson: Well, again, I am not a zoological expert here, but I know that people who are experts in training dogs will tell us. It's not what you say so much as how you say it.
• 5:25
  Larry Wilson: This is an extraordinary leap, but one that I will defend to the death.
• 5:32
  Larry Wilson: I think it applies to us humans as well. And at the upper echelons of expert communication, of course, what you're saying matters.
• 5:49
  Larry Wilson: But I think the foundation of really.
• 5:52
  Larry Wilson: Expert communication begins with how you're saying it. And that same way you're able to communicate with your dog carries over to other humans as well. I remember I had a teacher, an.
• 6:08
  Larry Wilson: English teacher in high school named Beverly.
• 6:11
  Larry Wilson: Houston, and she gave an example one.
• 6:15
  Larry Wilson: Time of non discursive communication.
• 6:19
  Larry Wilson: It's the first time I ever heard that word. And she was very, very allergic to cats. And I remember telling the stories one time that whenever she goes someplace, but she loved them, she just was really allergic to them. And she said, anytime I'm someplace where there's a cat, it'll come over and.
• 6:41
  Larry Wilson: I'll start petting, going, oh, I can't have you here.
• 6:45
  Larry Wilson: You have to go away, kitty. Ooh, I'm so allergic to you. And she said the verbal message that I'm saying is, oh, you have to go away.
• 6:55
  Larry Wilson: But the non discursive message is the.
• 6:59
  Larry Wilson: Tone of her voice, oh, you have to go away.
• 7:02
  Larry Wilson: Oh, I'm so alert. Well, the cat can't speak English any.
• 7:07
  Larry Wilson: Better than your dog can, but they certainly understand the non discursive message that.
• 7:16
  Larry Wilson: You'Re communicating when we speak in that sort of thing.
• 7:21
  Larry Wilson: Who's a good dog? Who's a good dog? Oh, you did so good.
• 7:27
  Larry Wilson: They don't understand the actual english words.
• 7:31
  Larry Wilson: But they do understand the tone of your voice.
• 7:36
  Larry Wilson: They understand the quality of your voice.
• 7:42
  Larry Wilson: And many other semiotic clues that you're.
• 7:46
  Larry Wilson: Probably giving off as well. And this is particularly useful to know because it can be applied in all communication, the tone of voice that you take.
• 8:02
  Larry Wilson: Some people seem to be oblivious to the message they're sending out.
• 8:08
  Larry Wilson: They may be assigned to give the.
• 8:12
  Larry Wilson: Welcome address to a group, and the.
• 8:16
  Larry Wilson: Words, if you read them on paper, sound very welcoming. But in person, when they're speaking, they sound ice cold and aloof and standoffish.
• 8:30
  Larry Wilson: And they wonder why no one responds to their message.
• 8:35
  Larry Wilson: Well, because although we do have a.
• 8:39
  Larry Wilson: Lower larynx in our throat, we're also not that different from animals in the last 150,000 years or longer.
• 8:50
  Larry Wilson: We're very sensitive, perhaps not consciously, but.
• 8:56
  Larry Wilson: We'Re still very sensitive to the tone.
• 9:00
  Larry Wilson: Of people's communication with us, and we can see examples of it everywhere. One thing that I want to make sure I don't forget is that sometimes people will. They'll emphasize, I think of particularly in advertising, you'll hear a voiceover on a commercial, or you'll hear a radio commercial.
• 9:31
  Larry Wilson: And someone will emphasize a word, and it seems like they've emphasized it the wrong place. I think those people actually are doing that intentionally. And sometimes it's very clever the way they're using it.
• 9:46
  Larry Wilson: It can be used for comedic effect.
• 9:48
  Larry Wilson: There's a great scene in the movie, my cousin Vinny, where if you haven't seen it, you should stop this podcast immediately and go watch it, because it's a fantastic, very funny film. It's just great. It's a great, great script without an ounce of fat on it. It's just fantastic. But part of it is two wrongfully accused young men who are from New.
• 10:20
  Larry Wilson: York City, and they're in the south, and they've been accused of murder, and.
• 10:23
  Larry Wilson: They haven't done anything or been anywhere near. It's all a case of mistaken identity, really. And they decide.
• 10:30
  Larry Wilson: One of them decides his cousin Vinny will defend them.
• 10:34
  Larry Wilson: His cousin Vinny, who has gone to.
• 10:37
  Larry Wilson: Law school and has passed the bar.
• 10:39
  Larry Wilson: But it took him like eight tries before he could get through. And he's never actually tried a case yet, and he's woefully ill equipped to do this, but he is a very common sense kind of guy, and he has a natural litigator because he's very, you know, quarrelsome and combative, and he cannot be intimidated. And it's very, very funny. But at one point, there's another attorney.
• 11:11
  Larry Wilson: Is brought in as a public defender, and we wonder why this public defender isn't more famous.
• 11:15
  Larry Wilson: He seems very sensible and intelligent, and he's a good example of an attorney who forgets the basic rule of courtroom.
• 11:26
  Larry Wilson: Behavior, which is you never ask a question that you don't know the answer to.
• 11:34
  Larry Wilson: And of course, this attorney does it.
• 11:37
  Larry Wilson: But I'm thinking of him.
• 11:38
  Larry Wilson: The actor is Austin Pendleton, who you've.
• 11:41
  Larry Wilson: Seen a million times, who always does a great job. I'm trying to tell you this without bursting out laughing, because I can see.
• 11:49
  Larry Wilson: It in my mind's eye.
• 11:51
  Larry Wilson: So, clearly, he thinks he has a.
• 11:55
  Larry Wilson: Very clever repudiation of someone's testimony on.
• 12:00
  Larry Wilson: The witness stand, so he comes to.
• 12:02
  Larry Wilson: Cross examine the witness. The witness has identified two people wrongfully, but he's identified them as the people.
• 12:10
  Larry Wilson: Who committed this crime. And so the Austin Pendleton character comes up and says, so you testify that you saw them and you're absolutely certain, and the witnesses.
• 12:23
  Larry Wilson: Yes, yes, I am. He says, and how far away were you? And he says, about 50ft away. He says, I see.
• 12:33
  Larry Wilson: 50Ft away.
• 12:35
  Larry Wilson: And I notice in your pocket you wear glasses. And the witness says, yes, that's right. And at the time he saw the witnesses, were you wearing your glasses? And the witness says, no. And Osmond Pennsylvan very triumphantly says, I see.
• 12:55
  Larry Wilson: So although you say you could see the defendants at 50ft, you were not.
• 13:00
  Larry Wilson: By your own admission, wearing your glasses.
• 13:03
  Larry Wilson: And the witness says, these are reading glasses. And Pennison gets this look on his face like this is a horrible surprise to him. And he turns and with great authority, he jabs his finger and says, no more questions, as if somehow he's made his point, when in fact he's just made a fool of himself. You see this happen all the time, especially in advertising, where someone will say something, they'll say their tone of voice or their emotion will be the opposite of what you would expect it to be. Someone will say, and this new.
• 13:51
  Larry Wilson: I was going to name a car brand.
• 13:52
  Larry Wilson: I don't want to say that. I don't want to impugn anyone's fine reputation as a car, but they'll say.
• 13:58
  Larry Wilson: This new model costs more, more than you would expect.
• 14:05
  Larry Wilson: Now, when you hear those words, well, that sounds bad, I don't want it to cost more, but if I say it with great delight, it's possible that.
• 14:14
  Larry Wilson: Someone listening thinks, oh, this is a.
• 14:17
  Larry Wilson: Good thing, because the non discursive message in my voice is, oh, it costs more than you would expect. Yes, it does. This technique, I think, is employed more often than you realize, particularly in advertising, all the time. And I think it's probably if you're.
• 14:40
  Larry Wilson: Involved in marketing something you should use.
• 14:45
  Larry Wilson: I don't think you should lie.
• 14:47
  Larry Wilson: I don't think you should say, oh.
• 14:49
  Larry Wilson: This new car gets 175 miles to.
• 14:52
  Larry Wilson: The gallon if it doesn't get that.
• 14:56
  Larry Wilson: But I don't think there's anything wrong with taking advantage of the fact that the non discursive tone of voice you.
• 15:07
  Larry Wilson: Use may convey information that is different.
• 15:12
  Larry Wilson: Or even contrary to the specific words that you're saying.
• 15:19
  Larry Wilson: This should not be underestimated in its power.
• 15:24
  Larry Wilson: This, of course, is why you can say to your pet, it almost doesn't matter what word you're saying, if the.
• 15:35
  Larry Wilson: Words you're saying are soothing, if they're.
• 15:39
  Larry Wilson: Endearing, if they sound praise worthy, if they sound all these things that are very, very pleasurable to your pet. And now you think, well, but how does my pet know?
• 15:55
  Larry Wilson: Well, they don't know in the sense that we're talking about the word know.
• 16:03
  Larry Wilson: They feel something.
• 16:05
  Larry Wilson: And despite people's assertions to the contrary.
• 16:11
  Larry Wilson: We are still animals.
• 16:14
  Larry Wilson: We feel things. We feel things from the way people communicate with us.
• 16:23
  Larry Wilson: And I know that every single one.
• 16:26
  Larry Wilson: Of you has had the experience of speaking with someone.
• 16:33
  Larry Wilson: Maybe you've never met them before and.
• 16:36
  Larry Wilson: Instantly liking or disliking them. Now, you can go back later and come up with a logical explanation, you know, well thought out.
• 16:50
  Larry Wilson: But at the moment, I don't think it has anything to do with logic.
• 16:56
  Larry Wilson: I think it has to do with.
• 16:59
  Larry Wilson: How someone speaking to us makes us feel. And this, again, is so easy to remedy. It starts, as I would always suggest, with recording yourself.
• 17:17
  Larry Wilson: Listen to yourself.
• 17:19
  Larry Wilson: And I know this is hard to do.
• 17:22
  Larry Wilson: Try to listen to yourself as if it wasn't you you were listening to.
• 17:29
  Larry Wilson: Try to imagine that you just heard this, completely isolated from any recognition of.
• 17:37
  Larry Wilson: Who the speaker might be, and see.
• 17:41
  Larry Wilson: Is it something that makes you feel.
• 17:45
  Larry Wilson: Good, makes you feel bad?
• 17:47
  Larry Wilson: Does it make you feel suspicious? Does it make you feel tense? Does it make you feel anxious? Does it make you feel alert or wary?
• 17:59
  Larry Wilson: All these elements jot them down as.
• 18:03
  Larry Wilson: You'Re listening because they might be directly attributable to a specific word.
• 18:11
  Larry Wilson: Perhaps there's a word you pronounce in.
• 18:14
  Larry Wilson: Your own unique way that's different than everyone else. I know someone who goes berserk if.
• 18:22
  Larry Wilson: They hear the word negotiation pronounced as negociation.
• 18:28
  Larry Wilson: I suppose negociation is acceptable as a secondary pronunciation, and I think preferred pronunciation is negotiation.
• 18:42
  Larry Wilson: But it wouldn't really make me go berserk.
• 18:44
  Larry Wilson: But I know someone who seriously will jump out a window if they hear that. So hopefully they won't hear it anytime soon. But you should be listening to yourself recorded. And if you're not sure what to say, make up a little something.
• 19:03
  Larry Wilson: Write a few lines of something that you can read.
• 19:07
  Larry Wilson: Now, in, in my Wilson method two day boot camp, I will do an exercise where I give people colored markers, and I give them a copy that is a printed material that they've never seen before.
• 19:23
  Larry Wilson: And I invite them to use the.
• 19:25
  Larry Wilson: Colored markers to highlight different parts of the copy and to attribute a feeling or a state of mind or an.
• 19:38
  Larry Wilson: Emotion to each color. And there's no official legend to this.
• 19:45
  Larry Wilson: You could use yellow for happy thoughts.
• 19:50
  Larry Wilson: And you could use blue for something confidential.
• 19:54
  Larry Wilson: That's a very special insight. Or not.
• 19:58
  Larry Wilson: And by highlighting different parts of the.
• 20:00
  Larry Wilson: Copy and then reading it and recording it, looking at the colors you put, you can find that you really can.
• 20:09
  Larry Wilson: Change the sound, the tone, and the.
• 20:15
  Larry Wilson: Feelings that it arouses in the listener.
• 20:20
  Larry Wilson: You can shuffle all these colors around.
• 20:23
  Larry Wilson: You can experiment with it yourself.
• 20:26
  Larry Wilson: I realize it may sound far fetched.
• 20:29
  Larry Wilson: But it's very effective. And more importantly than anything, it brings.
• 20:37
  Larry Wilson: Animation and texture to your speaking voice.
• 20:43
  Larry Wilson: This is particularly important. It can be used in anything. It can be used making a PowerPoint presentation. It can be used making a television commercial, a plea for a nonprofit fundraiser.
• 20:58
  Larry Wilson: Whatever you have to do, you will.
• 21:01
  Larry Wilson: Be surprised at how effective this can be.
• 21:06
  Larry Wilson: And I hope that you'll keep in.
• 21:08
  Larry Wilson: Mind that this is what your dog hears when there's a, there's a very funny, oh, it's Gary Larson, cartoonist. I think Gary Larson did a cartoon that shows a man saying, you know, to his dog who's jumping up and down, he's saying, you know, you've been.
• 21:30
  Larry Wilson: A very, very bad dog, Ginger. You've got to learn not to jump on the furniture because you're ruining the furniture.
• 21:37
  Larry Wilson: And that's not what a good dog would do.
• 21:39
  Larry Wilson: Ginger. And then in the next panel, he says, what your dog hears, and it's just blah, blah, blah, ginger. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, ginger.
• 21:51
  Larry Wilson: He's exactly right. They can't understand the words.
• 21:55
  Larry Wilson: I'm sure they do recognize their name.
• 21:58
  Larry Wilson: Because they probably hear that from you more than anything. But what all animals hear is the.
• 22:08
  Larry Wilson: Tone and tenor of your voice, and that includes us.
• 22:14
  Larry Wilson: Next week, we'll be back with another.
• 22:17
  Larry Wilson: Episode of how to talk to humans and not dogs.
• 22:21
  Larry Wilson: And I'll be looking to joining you then. Thanks.
• 22:27
  Larry Wilson: This has been larry Wilson. I want to thank you for spending this time with me, and I hope.
• 22:33
  Larry Wilson: You found this information useful.
• 22:35
  Larry Wilson: If you're looking for more, you can find it@thewilsonmethod.com. Dot. There's a ton of stuff there. In fact, if you want, you can even speak to me because I'm human. Send me an email@infoilsonmethod.com. Because I read every single one. I hope that you'll join us next week in this continuing journey, and you'll be with me for the next episode of how to talk to Humans.