Latest / Dear Chelsea / Going to Bed Early with Diane Kruger

Transcript

Going to Bed Early with Diane Kruger · Dear Chelsea

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: What is happening? Hello? How are you doing? You're fresh
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: as a daisy today, Actually, I know, I feel so fresh.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Showering is so annoying, you know what I mean, Like,
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: I'm just so sick of of it. I know it's necessary,
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: and of course I do it, but I don't like it,
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: and I don't like blowing out my hair. I don't
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: like the act of showering. It's like you kind of
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: get uncomfortable while you're getting in and you're getting out,
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: but you have to like do it so you can
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: copy worm and also clean. I know. I mean, I'm
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: just basically watching washing my Pikachu, my butt and my
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: like under arms, and it doesn't really take that long,
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: but it's just annoying. No one takes quicker showers than I.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: I did not give a fuck about that. I remember
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Tiffany Hattish I was once did a show of hers
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: and she was like, why don't white girls wash their legs?
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: And I was like, I don't know, but I don't know.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: I don't wash my legs and she's like why, She's like,
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: you have to wash everything. I go, I don't. I
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: just I just feel like the soap goes down from
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: my shampoo and my hair everything falls down. So if
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: I've been out in public and used a public restroom,
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: I will wash the back of my thighs. However, so
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: I washed my butt getting dirty your legs. I washed
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: my butt cheeks and my butt hole because my butt
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: cheeks because I don't want to get any pimples on
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: my butt, you know what I mean. And that's disgusting.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's not disgusting. It happens, but it is.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: It's not pleasant. I don't like when I look at
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: my butt in the mirror and there's like a little
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: red dot. I'm like, oh god, what is that? See?
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: I try to use the natural deodorant. I'm wearing real
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: stuff today, but I'm trying to not get Alzheimer's. But like,
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: I find that my pitts are stinky the second I
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: get out of the shower. I'm like, why don't even bother?
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: They're just always stinky. I find that I only get
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: be a well, No, my bo has definitely gotten worse
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: as I've aged, but it's still not that bad. But
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: I definitely get it when I drink coffee. I started
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: sweating a meatia when I drink coffee, So I just
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: feel like it's too much of a stimulant for me.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: You're just all amped up. Yeah, I am amped up.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty Yeah. I have a lot to be amped
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: up about, namely ozempic. Ozempic. For those of you who
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: are have been living under a rock. Everyone is on ozempic,
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: is on this weight loss drug. I was taking semi
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: glue tide and I had no idea that is ax empic,
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: and I was wondering why I was nauseated for two
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: weeks straight. But I've been giving a lot of people.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: I've been giving it to a lot of people. I'm
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: like running a whole thing out of my house because
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: people are it's like a miracle. I mean, people are sick,
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: but they're losing. But it's like it's a diabetes drug, right, Yeah.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: And the side effect is it kills your appetite. But
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: the thing is, it's just so unpleasant to be nauseous.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: I guess you have to find the sweet spot that
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: doesn't make you nauseous and then slowly build it up
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: over time incrementally. But I can't pretend that I have
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: enough weight to lose to be on some sort of
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: weight loss drugs, So I mean, I'm just abusing my
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: body if I take that. I mean, like rips, You've
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: got your Ben Bruno, like you got your muscles, I know,
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: But imagine if this ozempic just makes me muscular, like
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: if it's a fat burning I have to look up
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: and see if it actually burns fat or if it
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: just kills your appetite, because it does make you feel
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: full faster, like I definitely when I took it, I
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: had more control over myself. And then I lowered my
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: dosage because I want to have an appetite. I just
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: don't want to go nuts, you know. And then my
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: cousin's on it, but she's taking such a small, small
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: amount that she doesn't even feel the effects of it,
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: and so she's like, my doctor's anantochronologists. She wants me
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: to be very safe and we have to go very slowly.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: And I was like, come over to my house and
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: I'll give you the proper dosage. So for everyone out there,
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: talk to your doctor or come to my place and
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: I'll inject you with semi glutade. I have an update,
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Chelsea from one of our collar Does anybody know that
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Ben Bruno, my trainer, has gotten a gage. Oh yes,
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: I saw you got engaged to his girlfriend Nicole, who's
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: who's called No Bread. So anybody, anybody who's gluten free
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: or has still act disease or any of that, you
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: should follow her because she has like a lot of
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: great tips on how to eat without ever having anything bad. Yes,
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: and like recipes and stuff. She's a cute eat And
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: she also has the flattest stomach I think I've ever
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: seen on any woman. I guess that's what happens when
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: you don't have gluten that bloats you, right, because even
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: when I'm my body's banging, I don't have that. I mean,
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: I feel like everybody these days, and it feels like
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: all the slebs Kim Kardashi and all those people. Sorry
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: I mentioned her name, but everyone's ribs forward, like everything
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: is about the ribs, and everyone's got these very flat stomachs.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: Right now, have you noticed this trend? Well, it's ozempic asshole.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: I told you that's the trend. Think that's what it is, Chelsea.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: I have an update from a collar. This is from
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: a who wrote in on our Dan Savage episode about
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: she and her husband had just gotten married and they
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: were like not having sex hardly at all, So she says, hi, again,
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: my initial letter probably lacked a lot of key details.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: At the time, my husband and I weren't living together
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: and we were working completely different schedules. He's a bar
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: tender and I work night. Not living together, Yeah, that
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: is a big that'll kill your sex life. So we
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: really never sought each other to have sex. When we
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: did see each other for the one night a week
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: we could, there was a lot of pressure on us
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: to have sex, and pressure isn't really that sexy, which,
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: like I hear that he was also going through a
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: tough depression. I did take Chelsea and Dan's advice and
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: just letting go of things and letting things happen more naturally.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: It was harder than I thought it would be. I
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: had to sit with the idea that his attraction to
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: me isn't only based on looks, but also on his
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: mood and the larger context that seems obvious. But in
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: order to truly let things go and happen naturally, I
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: had to really wrestle with the idea that his not
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: wanting sex doesn't mean there's something wrong with me or
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: that he doesn't love me. It is of course, still
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: a work in progress, and I'm healing from dealing with
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: neglect and childhood. We're having significantly more sex now that
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: we're living together, not quite as much as I would like,
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: since we still work opposite schedule, but I'm realizing that
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: we go through cycles in life and especially in marriage,
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: where we're having more sex or less sex, and that's normal.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: I'm also realizing in talking to friends that not having
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: that much sex in the marriage is actually quite common.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: I feel like we hear about husbands badgering their wives
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: for sex all the time, but we don't hear much
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: about wives who want more sex in their marriage. I'm
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: sure that there are plenty of wives who are in
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: the same position. So I hope this helps someone else
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: to Thank you for following up, sincerely, A. I mean,
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: I totally agree. I, for one, usually in our marriage,
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: or at least for the first decade, I was the
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: one who wanted more sex than he did. And it
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: changes changes from months to month, it changes from year
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: to year. Sometimes you're gonna have like tons of sex
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: or maybe more sporadic sex, but it might be even
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: better sex. But why were they fucking living together as
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: a married couple. I don't understand that. My guess is
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: probably like work related, work related. I don't know what
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: did that mean? She left that information out. Yeah, that's
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: a pretty crucial piece of information, So please include all
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: the details when you're right againsto teer Chelsea. Okay, we
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: take this ship really seriously. Yes, but also make your
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: emails brief please. Yeah, yeah, exactly, yet to be succinct.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: And yeah, with all of the details. Listen, I love
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: bullet points, if you send me something with bullet points.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: I'm just trying to think about all the sex I've
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: had in my life and when there was ever like
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: a deficit of sex. Yeah, well, I mean when I
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: was in a relationship, I guess because I've never been married,
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: you know, but some men become unfuckable within the relationship,
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: like they do something that is a turn off, you know.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: Like I remember a long a relationship a long time
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: ago that I was in and we lived together. There
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: was like a period towards the end where he just
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: was so needy, so needy that it was not sexy.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: And then I would just pretend that I had a
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: east infection, like almost every week to get out of
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: sucking him and I would just be like, I have
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: another yeast infection, I have this. I mean, I would
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: have used COVID had it been before that, before COVID.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: But that's another great way to get out of sex
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: in the beginning. It's always great, it's always fun. And
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: obviously that honeymoon period doesn't last. I guess I don't
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: know how long it lasts for I think it's like
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: a year, yeah, because it's gonna be different for everybody. Yeah,
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: And when people do stuff like I just wish men
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: were aware of the behavior and women of the behavior
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: that makes us not want to have sex with you. Yeah,
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: like really jealous behaviors a turn off, really needy behavior,
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: Like I don't know, does anyone like a needy guy?
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: I don't think so. And it's just it's so obvious
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: when you see it. You see the end of the
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: relationship when someone starts becoming needy and like, oh, like
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: don't go somewhere without me or don't do this. Yeah,
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: it's like you see the end in sight. Just because
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: it just drives someone away. You just have to like,
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: even if you don't feel it inside, you just gotta
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: be like cock sure, like I'll be here, you do
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: your thing. I'm great. Yeah, I think when you hold
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: onto something too tight, you're always gonna lose it. So
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: that's the lesson of the day. Yes, I've been meaning
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: to tell you that you're gonna have to get rid
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: of your social media accounts because we're going to combine
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: ours because you're not allowed to have your own anymore.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: So I've been meaning to tell you. I've been meaning
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: to let you know what I'm what I'm about to do. Yeah,
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: that's a death knell when you see somebody who's like
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: the couple's name is the Facebook account or Instagram account,
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: you're like controlling Chelsea. I have a question from one
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: of our listeners that's kind of about voting, and I
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: know you've been posting a ton about that lately. Yes, guys, voting.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: You can vote early and the last day of voting
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: is November eight. If you are not registered to vote,
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: you can still register to vote. It is really really
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: important to be voting, guys. It's complicated and it's a
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: pain in the ass, and it's worth it. Awesome. So specifically,
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: Tom says, dear Chelsea, I just want to start out
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: by saying I love your podcast. I listened to it
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: every week during my six hour drive to Berkeley from
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: Fort Irwin, California to visit my husband. I'm a tw
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: the eight year old white gay guy in the army,
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: finishing up almost seven years, and I'm trying to be
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: a more responsible voter. I've gotten my past two ballots,
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: like most military people, absentee. Coming from a conservative household,
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: I was definitely brainwashed in my younger years into that mentality,
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: which obviously goes against my liberal and progressive ideals. I'm
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: trying to vote more responsibly, but I find it difficult
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: to find information on local candidates and smaller races so
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: I know who to vote for. Do you know if
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: any good tools to find out more about people up
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: for election? Ballot PDA seems to be the biggest one,
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: but it doesn't tell me anything on that person's voting
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: history and stuff like that. Thank you very respectfully, Tom Well,
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: Hi Tom Good questions, because, Yeah, there are a lot
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: of cheat sheets you can use, Like for instance, I
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: used the l A Times cheat sheep. There were a
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: couple of votes I didn't agree with that the l
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Times had, so I used a progressive cheat sheet too.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: There's some progressive outlet. But if you go to that candidate,
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: if you're deciding between two candidates, you can go to
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: that candidate's website and they should have a history of
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: everything that they voted on. If they do not have
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: a history of what they voted on, it's public information.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: You just have to dig a little deeper and like
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: probably go to the state legislation for California and find
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: out which candidates you know voted for what. But for
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: anyone in the country, you have to find your progressive
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: liberal cheat sheet. They can't do that. Set support, Yeah,
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: like a voter's guide, and those are easily attained because
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: when I looked it up, like five came up and
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I picked the top two that
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: I know about. Because there's just too many measures on
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: every ballot and the wording is can be very confusing,
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: so they can kind of like, depending on which state
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: you live in, they can trick you into voting for
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: something that you really don't want to be voting for. Yeah.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: Another recommendation that a friend of mine actually gave me
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: was to go to a local chapter of an organization
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: that you know, share beliefs with. Maybe it's like white
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: people for Black Lives or whatever it is, and ask
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: them specifically about people in your area. And for those
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: local elections. Yeah, and for this elections specifically, it would
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: probably be any candidate that is pro you know, writes
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: abortion rights. I think that is probably the most important
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: issue on the ballot right now. And go vote. Yep,
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: fucking vote people. You can look if someone votes. If
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: I ever meet a man that wants to have sex
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: with me again that doesn't vote, it's not happening. Just
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: know that because I know there's a ton of straight
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: men listening. Oh you guys, I'm performing this weekend in
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: Tucson Saturday night and uh Colorado Springs, Colorado Sunday night. Yes,
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: tickets are still available for both shows. So bye some
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: okay bye. I'm excited about our guest today because I
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: haven't spoken to her in a long time and she's
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: a great actress. She's beautiful. I love watching her and
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: her lover and their baby. You can see how much
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: motherhood has changed her if you follow her on Instagram.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: She has a new book coming out, a baby book
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: called A Name from the Sky, and she's a new
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: move called Marlow that's also coming out. So say Hello
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: to Diane Krueger. Hi, Hi alright, baby cakes, Hi are you?
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: Oh my god? I love you. I'm so happy to
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: see that beautiful face. Tom me too. It's been so long.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: I know, I haven't seen you since when I was
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: last time I saw you. Let me think, let me
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: jog my memory. I feel like I always see you
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: at Vanity Fair every year, or at the Chateau Marmont.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: I think we were once having a conversation at the
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: Chateau Marmont, bitching about our respective boyfriends at the time.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: It's very like, where are you. I am in New
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: York right now. I want to tell you that I
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: follow you on Instagram and I have been so moved
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: by you having a baby and your reaction and just
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: how I can feel the love that you have for
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: being a mother and being in like a great healthy
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: relationship and watching you with your daughter. It's just so sweet.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: It's really heartwarming. And I don't really appreciate children, so
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: that's saying a lot well coming from you. Then, Yeah,
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: you know, Chelsea, it's like it's I never thought I
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: wanted kids to be honest. For a long time, I
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: didn't think so. And Nova was a surprise, and it's
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: just so amazing how life can be. She came at
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: the least expected but yet most wanted time in my life.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: Really changed my life in the best possible way. That's sweet.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: So you weren't planning on having a baby. I didn't
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: know that. Yeah, no, I mean, you know, it's it
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: crossed my mind, and then you know, I was like, oh,
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: it's it's done. I'm too old, you know, it's not
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: going to happen. And it did. Well good. I'm glad
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: that it happened for you, because I you you also
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: just wrote a children's book based on probably becoming a mother,
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: I would presume, right, Well, the book is a little
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: bit about my childhood. So what happened was I was
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: in l A working and my mom from Germany was
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: in town to help me with Nova, and she was
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: both one, and you know, the world shut down and
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: weeks turned into months, and I hadn't spent this much
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: time with my mom since I was probably sixteen, because
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: I moved out so young, and so we you know,
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: started talking about my childhood and stuff I had forgotten
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: and remembered fondly with her, and I remember that she
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: told me the meaning of my name because I was
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: really teased for my name, which seems incordible because it's Diane.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: It's not that unusual, but where I'm from, it was.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: And she really did change my life because it made
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: she made me feel special. And I'm named after Diane,
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: the goddess of Hunt. And I was a very odd kid.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: I didn't have many friends. My best friend was my
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: pet bunny Benny, who was a real buddy who would
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: come to school with me on a leash every day,
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: and so kids thought I was crazy. And I loved
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: to read, and my best friends with the characters in
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: my books. So I felt very unseen. And she changed
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: my life that way by explaining to you the meaning
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: of your name. Yeah, I just felt like, what could
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: be so special about me? You know, a little for me?
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: Could I be ever im as powerful as this god is?
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: And could my life have a destiny in a way
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: that was different and special? And so when you know
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: Nova was born, I remember we were thinking so hard
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: about how to name her, and I just started writing
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: it down and that's kind of how it happened. I
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: found an editor, and I mean it's been two years
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: in the making. Wow, So how is your relationship changed
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: with your own mom. Since you've had a child, has
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: it changed, It's changed a lot. I finally understand I'm
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: conditional love. You know. I think I moved out very young.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: I had a very complicated situation, family situation at home,
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: so my mom kind of lost out of all the
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: good years. I guess you get with your daughter, you know,
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: when you become friends and things are not so hard anymore.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: And you know, I never really came home after I
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: moved out, and so my daughter brought us back together
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: because I I didn't know that my mom would step
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: up as such a great grand parent. You know, she
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: really is here when I need her. It makes me
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: feel so much better about going to work, you know,
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: not having her being raised by nanny's when I'm away,
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: and just seeing her kindness. It's just really been a
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: watership moment for me. Um. You know, we still have
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: our differences, of course, but I find myself to be
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: much kinder these days. Yeah. Yeah, So when you moved
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: at sixteen, where did you go Paris to start modeling,
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: acting exactly modeling Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, and then New
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: York at eighteen, and you know, back and forth, so
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: you speak French, German, English, anything else. No, that's it.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: And are you teaching your daughter? Are do you? You
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: speak to her in French and German as well? Not
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: so much in French, even though you know, we live
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: in Paris right now for a year as a family,
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: just for work reasons, and she's going to school there
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: as well, French English bilingual school, and she's going to
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: a German school once a week, so hopefully she'll get it.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: Oh cute, I love that. Yeah, I know. I've been
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: trying to learn Spanish for about seven years, so I
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: mean the real key ingredient to everybody is to fucking
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: learn it as a baby so you don't have to
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: learn it as an adult because we should all know
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: multiple languages. And I'm sick of my I have my
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: first Spanish class tomorrow. By the way, I'm really she
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: does pretty well. I came back from Spain. We were
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: in my Orca for a month. That I came back.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: I told my housekeeper, I'm like, listen, don't speak anything
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: but Spanish. We're only speaking Spanish from now and I
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: need to level up. And I mean it's really limiting her. Yeah,
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: I haven't understand the word. She's said since our return,
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: so it's really limiting our conversation. But also talk to
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: me about you and Norman. You're not married, right, No,
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: not yet? You got engaged. Oh you did? Congratulations, Thank you.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: He's a cute I love Norman. I met him once,
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: I did an interview with him, and I liked him
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: a lot. So I was very happy to find out
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: about you guys getting together because you seem like a
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: great hair and I know that you've been in you
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: had a lot, a couple of relationships prior to that
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: and longer ones. So talk to us a little bit
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: about how you're life has changed by being in this
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: relationship and how you know you've grown. You know, I
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: think that I'm much more my own person. I don't
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: tend to I mean, that might sound really dark, but
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: you know, I hope things will work out with Norman,
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: will always be together, but I've kind of grown into
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: being more independent, you know, being hopefully actually a better partner,
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: you know, where I let him do his thing, support
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: him and what he wants to do, but reserve the
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: rights that I want the same for myself. And I'm
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: trying to really live the life of a good family
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: where we model to our child that it's okay to
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: be absent, it's okay to work, but it's the most
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: important thing is to be a family and uphold those traditions.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: And I really want to show up and I need
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: him to show up, you know. Yeah. I I feel
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: like as we get how old are you, Diane, and
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: oh you are okay, we're almost the same age on
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: forty seven. I feel like as we get into our forties,
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: you hear that a lot, that you come into your
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: own and off. But it's like very true about the
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: maturity level that used to be a dirty word to me.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: Like when people said, you know, you have to be
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: more mature, grow up, I'd be like, I don't ever
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: want to grow up. I always want to be like this,
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: you know. I want to be like crazy and and
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: and spontaneous. And I kind of confused what mature is,
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: you know. And now that I'm at this age, it's
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: so nice to handle things with a level of maturation.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: Sometimes in many instances for the first time, even ending
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: relationships or having difficult conversations are just so much more
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: mature and less dramatic because yes, yes, like the drama
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: and the thirst for drama that I experienced when I
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: was younger. I always regretted it. I always regretted the
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: way I would handle things or end things, whether it
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: be a romantic relationship or a friendship. And there's a
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: very calm, knowing nous that comes after forty especially after
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: forty five, And I can't wait to see what happens
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: because I don't really want to get any more mature
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: than this. You know what I mean this, I feel
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: them in my sweet spot and that I have accountability
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: and I can listen to differing opinions and then actually
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: be like oh, instead of being fixed on my opinion,
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: Whereas I was like that in my thirties. I thought
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: I knew everything and you couldn't tell me differently. I
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: like the idea of being able to change your opinions
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: now I agree. I mean, there are things I don't
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: know about you, but I accepted a lot of things
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: in previous relationships that I just wouldn't anymore. Not because
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: they they were bad people, whatever. They make me do
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: things that I didn't want to do, But I just
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: know I'm not going to be happy with certain criterias.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: I'm not meant, you know what I'm saying. So I
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: won't settle for less if that makes sense. Yeah, absolutely,
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: that's how I feel too. It's like there's a level
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: of standard, you know, like there's a standard now that
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: you have to be above that line. And it's nice
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: to know that about yourself without questioning it. Like I
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: remember being in my thirties always asking everybody about their
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: opinion about everything, and now I just ask few and
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: fewer people because I don't care what everybody thinks. It's like,
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: you know what you think, and you know what your
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: opinions are. You ask yourself. Yeah, and there's a nice
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: that's a great feeling as a woman to be like, no,
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: I know what the right thing to do here is
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: and not relying on other people for their interference anyway. Okay,
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: so we're gonna we're taking calls people zoom in. They
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: ask us really fucking serious questions. So get ready to Diane. Okay,
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: we're giving them life advice. Oh oh god. All right,
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: Before we do that, we're gonna take a really quick break,
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: and we're gonna take a quick break and we're gonna
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: be right back and we're back fantastic. Well, we're back
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: with Chelsea and Diane Krueger. This first email actually fits
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: right in with what you were talking about just now.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: So this first email comes from tired Mama. You're Chelsea.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: I'm a mom of two young boys and also work
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: a full time job as a heavy equipment operator. I'm
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: a shift worker, which means I work days and nights
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: twelve hour shifts and often work overtime. I'm trying to
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: get ahead financially and contribute to providing for my family.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: My husband works full time as well the same schedule
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: and also has done his fair share of overtime while
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: I was on maternity leave. My issue is I often
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: feel guilty taking time for myself in regards to self care, massage, chiropractic, acupuncture,
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: and yoga because I'm working so much, so in doing
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: any of those things, I have less time available to
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: spend with my kids. After every shift, my body aches.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, yet I forced myself to work more overtime.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: My husband has made comments in the past about me,
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: quote not making my kids a priority. When I had
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: a babysitter lined up so I could play softball, I
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: was only able to make it three games last summer.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: I'm not allowed to mention anything about my hobbies or
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: passions because I just don't have time to pursue them.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: I can't even say anything negative about my husband, as
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: he's a great dad and rarely takes any time for
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: himself either. He believes that work is the only time
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: he can handle being away from his kids and wants
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: to spend all of his free time with them. It's
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: one of the things that I love most about him,
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: but it's also causing tension and resentment in our relationship.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: How do I go about creating a healthy work life
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: balance that won't give me major mom guilt? Signed another
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: tired guilty mama. Oh, it's so hard to be a
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: parent so much work? Well, that sounds tough. I mean
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: it is tough and the best of times, and that
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: sounds like a really tough situation. Yeah, I would say,
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: first of all, just because he wants to be with
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: his kids all the time, that's great. Obviously, that's a
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: great quality. But you're not the same person, and you
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: have different brains and different genetic makeups and different needs
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: and different wants. And if you sit down and explain
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: to him that and that this will help you be
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: a better parent at home, It's like putting that oxygen
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: mask on yourself before you put it on anyone else.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: It's like, you have to take care of yourself, especially
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: when you're working at like you know, manual label. Yeah, absolutely,
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: Like that's not easy on your body. So it's not
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: even just for that, it's for your own health and
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: longevity an ability to work those extra hours. And I
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: know that you said that you need the money and
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: and it's a financial situation. But if there's any chance
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: that you don't have to work extra hard, like, please don't.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: I understand if you need to do it, you've got
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: to do it, but if you don't, it's like that's
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: giving yourself the gift of time as well. Everybody needs
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: to recuperate and rest from whatever they do. So I
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: would really advise sitting down with your husband and just
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: laying it all out. Please don't make me feel guilty
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: for taking care of myself and explain, you know, in
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: the sweetest way, like what this job does to you physically,
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: and figure out a solution between the two of you
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: that it feels like a compromise because it can't just
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: be black or white, like you've got to have a
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: little bit you know, He's got to give you something
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: that you can do in your spare time to kind
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: of recoup, whether it's a massage or you go and
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: play softball or whatever. Yeah, I think in this case,
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: it would come down to having a conversation with your
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: husband about this is what I need from this relationship
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: and this family, and this is what you need and
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: want from this relationship. So as partners, how can we decide, Okay,
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: this X amount of time per week you a lot
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: from my self care. Whatever I want to do in
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: that time doesn't matter if I want to go softball
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: or I want to go to take a massage, but
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: these two hours per week with three hours per week
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: are for me, and then decide which ones are for
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: him so that he doesn't feel guilty, right, so, and
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: then stick to that. But there's really I totally get
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: where she's coming from, that guilt. I mean, I feel
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: it when I'm making a movie and it's you know,
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: fourteen hour days and I don't see her for you know,
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: and I'm double shifting and she's crying. It's it's it's tough,
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: But partnership is really maybe she has family, maybe a
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: family to help out every once in a long you know. Yeah,
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: I love that you said that you have your mom
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: come and help with Nova, and that she's a resource
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: for you and having her have that extra time with
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: her Grandma's probably amazing. And the other thing I would
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: say is, you know, if there's not family in the
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: area and you can't afford a babysitter, find a friend
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: who's got kids around the same age and do that
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: for a each other. So you know, Tuesdays will watch
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: your kids for a few hours. Thursdays you watch our
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: kids for a few hours, so you have that time.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: And the other thing too, is you do need time
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: to reconnect with your husband. Like, if you guys are
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: going to have a partnership that can withstand raising kids
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: and long hours and all that stuff, you have to
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: set aside a little bit of time for each other
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: as well, even if it's just a little bit each
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: week or you know, a small amount of time every night. Yeah. Absolutely,
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: I mean, this isn't a huge problem. It's just something
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: that you should It's actually a good way to like
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: practice problem solving within your marriage when things come up,
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: because your husband sounds awesome and there's no way when
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: you talk to him in a real way about how
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: you're feeling. That he won't be responsive to that. You know,
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: he just has to hear it more specifically from you
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: in a more measured kind of way, without the children around,
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: without any distractions. So yes, have that conversation, and yes,
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: and we wish you well and please keep us posted. Yes.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: Our next question comes from Paul Att. She'sa is dear Chelsea.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: I met my husband almost nine years ago at a
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: work conference. We met, fell in love, and I moved
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: to Quebec to become a stepmom and we married all
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: another two years now. We have eighteen year old twins
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: and a twenty year old, all living at home two
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: weeks on, two weeks off and not pulling their weight.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: The oldest is working and going to school. The twins
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: are working but not going to school. Their bond with
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: their dad is tight and they prefer to be at
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: our house all the time. I understand because we live
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: on the water with all the water sports toys available
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: to them. But I'm a fifty three year old woman
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: who was raised apart from my siblings, have never had
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: a roommate and lived most of my adult life alone
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: in my own house. Moving to Quebec, I was thrust
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: into disorder and immediately put on the hat of a stepmom,
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: a short order chef, cleaning lady, laundress, taxi driver, et cetera.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: At first it was new and I had the energy
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: for it. But now, as a step parent of adult kids,
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: I want my clean, orderly alone time at least a
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: couple of days a week. My husband doesn't understand or agree.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: Am I being unreasonable? Thank you for your time, paul At.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: I think the theme today is women need to be alone.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: You need alone time. Why don't you guys get about this?
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: And when we were having our our pre interview, call
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: poor paul At like she's she was outside taking some
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: time to have this conversation with me, and literally in
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: the span of five minutes she got interrupted like three times.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: I was like, you're not It's true, Hi, Paulat, Hi, Hi, Hi,
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: Thanks for having me. Yeah, our pleasure. Diane is our
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: special guest today. So wait, wait, wait, she she's actually
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: a mother. Actually, Diane, you go first, being that you
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: are the only mother in this room besides Paula. Well listen,
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: I'm I don't consider herself a step mom, but my
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: better half has a twenty three year old. He doesn't
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: live with us, But I would say, and this is
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: just me, so call me mean spirited, but I one
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: agree with you. It is your house, it is your rules.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: I think if you do suck it up and you
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: are an excellent mom to these kids or your stepmom
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: taking them to work or whatever they're doing, they and
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: twenty they need to clean their ship up. Are you
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: teaching my four year old to clean up one? Yeah?
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: I don't think that it gets in the easier. I
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: think that with my husband's kids, they were a lot
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: better when they were younger, like listening and cleaning up
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: and stuff, and they've kind of gotten to the point
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: where they know everything, you know, and so even though
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: they want to be treated like adults, they don't necessarily
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: want to, like, you know, pay for them on house
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: paper or clothes, you know, stuff like that. So it's
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: kind of what's your husband's take on the situation. My husband,
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: he's very giving, He's a very very he's a giver.
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: He would just keep on giving, giving, giving. I believe
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: I think that he pulls back because he sees how
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: it text me. So he's he is being a little
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: bit respectful. There's a lot of times where he's like,
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: what's the big deal? You know, But it's a big
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: deal because it affects me inside. It affects me how
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: my you know, how my days go. And so I
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: guess I I kind of feel a little bit. I'm
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: a little bit desserting of the children and there development
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: because I do need that alone time. So I don't
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: know how it affects them, and I'm kind of concerned
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: with that too. Well, you have you had a conversation
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: with your husband about this. I have, But there goes
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: a long period time where he's very understanding and then
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: something happens, Like the most recent thing is my husband
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: he his oldest son wanted to have his girlfriends spending
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: the night. They've been dating together for a couple of months,
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: and I said, you know, I wasn't really ready for that.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: He hasn't really been participating in the house. You know,
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: let's have a game plan, let's not do that, let's
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: not agree to this now. And then the son helps
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: him out with a couple of things around the house,
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden, you know, it just
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: changes and he's like, oh yeah, so, by the way,
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: the girlfriend is spending night tonight I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah,
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: he's got to talk to you about that stuff. But
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: that's not almost like inviting another roommate. Yeah and yeah,
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: and that's not going to happen. No. But also that's
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: not a good partner, right, he can't make those decisions
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: without you. I think you can only be in a
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: partnership if you get from it what you need, right.
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: And he I understand that he wants to be a
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: good dad, and he's you know, he's the father of
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: these children, so I'm sure there's guilt of having a
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: divorce and whatever else is going on in his head
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: and being wanting to be a fun dad and all
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: that stuff. I would suggest writing down your needs and
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: an ideal world what needs to happen. And then even
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: if you want to write a dog is sometimes they
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: feel like emails or like a written thing is easier
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: to digest than talking face to face at first, right,
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: because you don't have an emotion, you don't have to
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: react to it with the other person. And then one
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: solution I could already see is that you say to him, Okay,
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: like one day a week, two days a week, I
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: really need my alone time, So I need you, I
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: need you to schedule time with your children, take them
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: to the park, take them to I don't know, in
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: the city, movies, whatever. But I need the house for
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: myself from eight to six. I don't need see any
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: of you. And then you know, he needs to do
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: that to make you happy, because otherwise, I mean, that's
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: not fair on you. It's not a partnership. Yeah, I agree, Paula.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: You had also mentioned there's a bit of a language
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: barrier because the kids are friends speaking and you're in right, Yeah,
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: so they're they're English is a lot better now since
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: you know, I've known them for like eight years, but
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: my French is not as good. But there is still that.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: So I think that kind of affected that the beginning
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: or the forming of the relationship because they wouldn't come
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: to me for a lot of things. You know, um,
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: they would come to me where's my dad? But that
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: was kind about it. So yeah, that's definitely, well, that's
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: the perfect you can use that as a scapegoat, like
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: obviously we've got our signals crossed here. I agree with Diane.
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: I always think it's better to write something down before
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: you say it. But I think a good family meeting
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: is in order because people respect boundaries. They don't like
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: it hearing it at first, but ultimately it's proven that
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: people understand. Once you've set a boundary, people understand that
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: they need to respect that, you know what I mean,
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: And then that instills more respect in them. And you
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: can say it like you know that it was a
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: language barrier, and maybe you didn't make yourself clear, but
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: there's no reason they shouldn't be cleaning up after themselves
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: in your house. There's no reason. I had in a
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: situation like that with my family and all my nieces
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: and nephews one summer, and I had to write the
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: whole family a letter about what the normal things to
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: do and respectful things to do as teenagers, Like you
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: don't get to leave your dishes out, you don't get
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: to leave your laundry out. You're not their cleaning lady.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: You're their stepmother, and you're a human being who needs
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: her own space. And you know you didn't have children.
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: You're happy to have these people in your life and
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: you love them, I'm sure, but this was a situation
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: that you came into. So to have them think about
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: that and understand that a little bit better, and that
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: you're an individual who needs your own private situation going
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: on and you're alone time, thank you. I also think
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: like there might be a conversation about what age is
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: the right age to start paying rent, and maybe that
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: rent just goes towards a cleaning lady who comes once
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: week and I can clean up after their messes. But
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: I also find if moving out as kind of the
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: goal at some point, eventually charging a twentysomething rent is
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: a good way to help them move that direction strategy. Yeah, yeah,
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: it's hard. And then you know, one of the when
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: the sense, they'll send us like a picture of a
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: bike that he wants to buy, and I'm like, three
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: months rent right there? What are you doing? So did
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: you say the twenty year old lives with you? Two?
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: All three of them? Oh yeah, yeah, they should trans
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: start transitioning out of that. But that's something you can
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: talk to with your husband for you bring that up,
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: because let's ease into this conversation so that you get
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: good results, right, so that they're responsive, because who can
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: argue with a conversation about cleaning up after yourself. It's
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: not a really arguable vantage point, you know, right, And
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: I love the idea of you know, as Diane said,
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: like writing down those dates and times like this is
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: when I have the house to myself, you guys go
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: out and like that's a non negotiable. Yeah. I like
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: that because it gives me a control about too. I
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: think that that's a lot of what I'm missing, is
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: like some kind of control in my life, and to
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: be able to expect when you're going to have the
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: house to yourself, you know, setting that expectation of like, okay,
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: this is my time exactly. Well, thank you, Yeah, thanks
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: for calling in, Paula. Good luck with everything. Thanks, I
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: appreciate it. Have a great line to take care. Bye. Thanks,
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: I an bye. I wouldn't be down with any eighteen
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: year olds living with me under any circumstance. They could visit,
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: and that's an even visiting can't go on forever, you
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: know what I mean. I'm not down with that, like ongoing.
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: I love being alone. I can't even tell you. I
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: mean I can. I could go on and on about it.
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: It's just so nice. I just love sleeping alone, you know.
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: I mean not that I would do I do I do.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: I mean only just because I'm fresh out of a
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: relationship where I slept with somebody every night, and I
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: like my dogs in my bed, and I like to
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: like I just like I like to be alone in bed.
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: You're a good sleeper too, and I love sleeping. I
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: fucking love to sleep. I mean I could sleep for
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: like ten hours. So yeah, yeah, that is a problem.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: It is definitely the ongoing dispute in our family too,
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: because I like to go to bed early because I
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: have to get up early, and my better half does not,
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: so he's a night owl. Yeah, and he doesn't get
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: up to to go to school. I do you know
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: what time do you like to go to bed, Diane?
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, if I could, I'm not kidding, you know.
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: She's in bed by nine. I'm sucking exhausted. I'd like,
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: I'd like wanted down half a bottle of wine and
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: just pass out. Oh yeah, yeah, I'm with you, and
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: I don't have a baby, so I can't even imagine
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: how exhausting it must be. I mean, if I could
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: go to bed at eight and feel like I could
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: tell that to people, I would be doing that. Sometimes
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: I stay out just in case somebody asked me what
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: time I went to bed, and I don't want to
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: sound It's like an asshole that I went to bed
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: at eight o'clock. Last night. We were at dinner. I know,
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: I was at dinner with two girlfriends and I was like, okay,
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: we had dinner at seven thirty. At nine thirty probably,
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, I have to get home. I have
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: to be in best by ten. And they're like, oh
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: my god, You're so ridiculous, and I'm like, no, I'm not.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: I love it. I love sleeping, but that's I mean,
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: it's a good thing to know about yourself, so you
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: can just be like, I'm in a piece out now,
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: especially when I'm in a great hotel. I also love
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: that that coziness with the nice sheets and the nice pillows. Yeah.
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: Now they have this new thing where you can I
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: forget what it's called. Ben Bruno was telling me about
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: it this morning at my workout, like a temperature mattress
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: where you can adjust the temperature. Yeah, I need to
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: get one of those, because no, you can either get
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: the mattress or you can get the top of a mattress.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: It's called something. I'll find out the name of it.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: Do you like to sleep in a freezing bedroom? Or
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: sixty degrees? Is what my preference, and which is difficult
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: because most men don't. I once had a boyfriend who
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: wore a scarf every night because he was like, it's
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: so fucking cold in here, I'm gonna catch pneumonia, and
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: I love sleeping in an ice box. Dude, you're a Norman.
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: Are the same? I fucking hate it really well, you're Europeans.
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: Europeans don't like the cold at night. No, that's not Yeah,
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: it's in your blood. No, but there's cold, and there's
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: sixty five ice block, like you know, No, it's cold
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: while you're under the covers. No, that's crazy. Did you
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: guys just moved to l A or No, we've sold
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: our house and l are actually in New York. We
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: live in New York, but in Paris for a year.
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: Oh I thought I read something that you went to
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: a table read in Norman bought you guys a house
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: without you know, he did? He did, which is fun.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: So we were there. We were there during during the pandemic,
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: which was great with a kid and everything. But then, uh, yeah,
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: we're just not l A people. I think I can
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: hear you. I'm I would like a real good excuse
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: to move to New York because I'm over all, like
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: I will, We'll have to do remote. Yeah, I'm over LA.
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: I find l A to be whenever I'm gone. I mean,
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: I'm not here a lot because I'm usually on tour.
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: I travel a lot. I spend my winter skiing and Whistler.
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: But when i come back after being home for like
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: two weeks, I'm just like, I gotta get the funk
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: out of here. It's just too much. It's too stupid
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: this town, it's too thulous. Are you in the city
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: or where are you? What time? Yeah? Well right now.
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: Unfortunately I'm in Beverly Hills because I'm in a rental
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: and I'm building a house in Brentwood, which will be
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: done in the winter time, and that'll be nice because
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: that's more private. I just don't like the pressure of
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: going out all the time in l A. When people
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: know you're around, you kind of feel obligated to show
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: up to things. I hate that. I want to do
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: what I want to do, you know, I'm a little
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: bit selfish that way. That's why I leave town for
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: months at a time. Okay, who do we have next? Well,
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: our next color is Rachel, she says. Dear Chelsea I've
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: lived my entire life in a ten hour segment of
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: I five between California and Oregon, and I find myself
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: dreaming daily about life beyond such a small bit of
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: the world. My husband loves where we live. What's a
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: ten hour segment? What does that mean like within a
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: ten hour drive? I know, it's just just sort of
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: an artful way of describing it. My husband loves where
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: we live, surrounded by friends and family, good reliable work,
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: the perfect home. But I want to create more experiences
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: for us. He says he's interested too, but I also
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: hear him saying regularly how much he loves living where
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: we do, having weekly game nights, pickleball games, and more.
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: It hurts my heart to think about taking him away
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: from all that, but my heart also aches for a
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: life beyond southern Oregon. I want to experience several different lives,
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: study abroad by getting my PhD, and planned last minute
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: weekend train trips to new countries. That said, I struggle
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: with high anxiety, so I'm quite understanding that the dream
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: of mine might be short lived. We might go abroad,
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: and then I decide that's not what I thought it
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: would be, and hate it. And we're back within six months.
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: I'm so torn. I don't know what to do or
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: where to start. Any ideas are greatly welcomed. Rachel and Nathan.
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, we have our first couple. I love this.
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: I did like couple's counseling for years. Hi, I was fabulous. Hi,
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: thank you for having us. Yeah, Diane Krueger's our special
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: guest today. And you know already, well are you all? Catherine? Likewise, well,
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: so you know you mentioned also Rachel that like you
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: have a little bit of anxiety of like if you
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: do go abroad or you do go study somewhere else,
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: then you know Nathan is going to have a lot
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: of free time and be going to make friends and everything,
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: and tell us a little bit about that. Yes, I
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: am quite a little bundle of anxiety. And when we
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: talk about the potential of going abroad and moving abroad,
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: Nathan's brought up I'm an invert. I'm happy every night
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: at home reading with that don't want to do. And
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: he's like, oh, I I can just find friends. I'll
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: find places to go play board games if people hang
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: out with and as he says that, and I say, absolutely,
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: my anxiety is like, but will I be comfortable with that?
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: And I don't know if I will feel safe if
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: I'm home alone and you're out in the world and
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: it's a world I don't know, I'm not comfortable with,
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: And I just worry that, like, if I can't do
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: that for him, would that version of us being abroad
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: be okay with him? I'd be enough for him if
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: it's just me at home and not let with me
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: not letting him be out. And then I feel bad
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: about that too if that's the reality of it. So
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: it is that only that's okay? Is the only option
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: moving abroad? Like what about moving somewhere within the country,
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: so it's not such a big leak? Is that an option? Yeah?
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: I think so, yes, I want to do it all.
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: So I sawing Halter. I had this moment where I
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: realized I've only lived in a ten hour window by
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: five my entire life, and he's only lived in like
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: a four hour window. And so I'm like, the world's
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: too big. I need to experience at all. I want
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: to know what it's like to level the East Coast.
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: But then all so abroad and I see pictures of
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: all these different countries and I don't just get this
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: feeling of like how fun it would be. I have
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: a guttural like I need to be either, I need
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: to experience it. But why why, I like, pack up
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: and leave your old life behind? Can you not go
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: for a month in an airbnb in Italy and just
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: live there for a months if you like it? I
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: would love to try that. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: give up my house before I knew I really liked Rome.
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: That seems you know what I mean? Yeah, I totally agree.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: I like having something to fall back on and I
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: feel more comfortable. I think we have a good a
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: good life here in Oregon. And yeah, that's I think
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: where some of the anxiety for me is coming from
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: is if we just like packed up and moved away
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: without knowing what reality would really look like. Yeah, I
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: think that's reasonable to have anxiety about that. Do you
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: have a place in mind, like are you obsessed with
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: going to live in a certain part of the world
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: or is it just anywhere? I like the did like
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: getting my PhD a rod and then we're stable and
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: we're in one space, and then we could wake up
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: on the weekend and be like, let's take a train
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: trip into who knows where. And then the other part
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: of me loves kind of the nomadic lifestyle of like
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: being three weeks in one town or country and then
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: just picking up and going to another one. And I
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: don't want to sell the home because I want to
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: have a place to come back to. I want to
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: InCor and knowing if it doesn't work out. Nathan's really analytical.
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: He he likes ask the why, and I'm like, why not,
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: you know, And so we're kind of in a different area,
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: I think, with meeting in the middle. And I think
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: the other thing that worries me is at the end
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: of the day, he says, I would do anything for you,
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: whatever brings you joy in life. I want to do
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: that and make that happen for you. But then I
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: also worry if I'm affecting his happiness. I don't want
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: to do that, and I don't want to be selfish,
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: and I don't know where that line is for both
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: of us to be happy. But you don't. You don't
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: know until you go there. That's like, that's like saying,
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: what if the world ends next week and I haven't
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: tacked up my pictures. I mean, it's just like it's
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: like you don't know until you do it. You just
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: gotta jump the ship. Don't sell your house, go for
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: a month long vacation, see what it's like, look at
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: the universities. I don't know. Whatever you want to do,
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: come home, go to Paris on Christmas for two weeks
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: and see if if you guys love it. I feel
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: like it's a waste of time to talk about what
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: could be. Yeah, you're not doing it. You're living in
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: your anxiety I think a little bit too much, like
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: you're worried about all of these things that you'll never
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: know unless you take a leap of faith. And as
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: long as you guys who seem really solid, like you
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: have a solid relationship and a solid foundation, as long
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: as you guys commit to each other that you're going
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: to do this as an experiment and you're gonna go
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: look at schools and you're going to spend a month
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: in some part of Italy or France or England or
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: whatever whatever floats your boat. Just do it and commit
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: to doing it together and seeing and having an open
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: communication about it the whole time. When you find someplace
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: that you love and that you love that you feel
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: like you long, you're gonna know immediately you're both going
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: to feel it, you know what I mean. So it's
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: like you can't answer that question before you take that
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: leap of faith. You know, you have to trust the process,
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: trust the unknown, and trust the universe is going to
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: show up for you in a way where you're going
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: to be somewhere and you're gonna go, oh my god.
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: It could be Amsterdam, you guys could be like, holy shit,
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: this is where we belong. This is where I see
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: myself living for the next five years. And then you
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: can come back and sell your house and take care
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: of that. But yeah, you definitely want to go experiment.
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: You know, are you financially able to do that? You guys, Yeah, yeah,
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: we we are financially. It's just getting that time off
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: from work can be tricky. We both have jobs, and
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: you know, they've been fine with us taking a week
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: or two, but if it was a little bit longer
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: and be a little bit more of a conversation, yeah,
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: and you know, I think that's a conversation that's worth having.
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: My younger brother, this is pre pandemic. He and his
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: wife got married and they wanted to go travel, so
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: they set up a time that was like six months
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: that they want to travel South America, and his work
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: initially was like, Nope, we don't do work from home.
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: We don't do remote no way. And he kind of
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: kept after it and they were like, all right, if
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: you create a proposal about what that would look like,
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: what you're hours would look like, what the relationship to
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: the business looks like. He did. He created this whole
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: proposal and it then became the work from home manual
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: for the entire company. So, and of course there's so
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: many things you can do from anywhere these days. Maybe
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: that's maybe not the line of work that you're in,
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: but there might be other options as well. But yeah,
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: if you can't afford to like just have your house empty,
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: you can always think about airbn being it. You could
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: rent it out and you know, even if that is
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: for a month, like Diane said, or when you find
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: the right place for six months or for a year,
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: so you sort of always know there's that place to
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: come home to if and when you need it. That
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: would be a great idea. Yeah, and if you can
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: work from Italy or wherever you guys, just I we've
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: already decided you're going to Italy apparently, but if you
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: could work, if you could work from somewhere, you know,
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: even if it's like, Okay, we're gonna take two weeks off,
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: in the other two weeks, I'm gonna be available. You know.
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: Obviously it's a different time zone and different and there's
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: a big time difference, but still, like, I'm sure there's
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: ways around it. If you guys are intent on doing this,
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: which you seem to be, and be honest with them,
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: you know, this is your wife's desires to go look
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: at master programs or whatever and and just be available
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: for whatever compromise you can make work wise. Yeah. I
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: also think I'm working about getting Italian citizenship through bloodline,
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: and that won't happen for a couple of years. So
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: he makes him like great, whenever it happens, we can
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: talk about this, like they'll let's go now, like we're
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: not probably tomorrow, let's do some version of this now.
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: And I think I'm very like we'll start dipping your
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: toe in that water. Yeah. Absolutely. I just got my
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: German citizenship because my mother is German, and it took
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: me two and a half years to get it. F
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: y I but she's been traveling. But and I was
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: paying somebody to do this for me, and it took
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: a long time. So don't wait for that, you know
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: what I mean. The other thing I think you have
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: to look at is, you know, obviously, Rachel, you've got
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: this amazing guy. He's like, whatever you want to do,
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: whatever makes you happy, let's go do it. He loves you.
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: So I think one thing you need to examine is
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: what's coming up for you and makes you feel so
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: scared and emotional about, Like if you want to stay
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: home with a book and he wants to go to
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: a cafe and meet people and you know, go to
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: a meetup group. It doesn't mean that you're not enough
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: for him. He loves you exactly the way you are.
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: He loves that you're staying home to read a book
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: and like have a cozy time. But he is also
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: going to need you know that outside stimulation. But outlets.
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: We all need our own outlets, and they're not always
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: We don't share outlets. Just like you can't use the
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: same outlet in France that you use in America. We
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: all we all don't have the same outlets. What I
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: need to do is different than what my partner is
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: going to want to do, you know, and it's also
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: nice to be like, cool, go do that, I'll be here. Yeah,
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: it's very liberating, Like Dianne was just talking about that earlier,
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: like getting to the level and your relationship and a
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: maturity level where you're not threatened by somebody going and
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: doing their own thing because there's a trust and a
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: foundation that has been built, and it's good for people
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: to go and do their own thing. It's good for
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: people to have hobbies. If you didn't want to go
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: play pickleball or join these things, that would be weird,
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: like it's it's it's more dynamic for you both to
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: have individual aspects of yourself that you don't necessarily share
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: all the time. I have want of this and agree.
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: My concern is more if I'm gonna be too scared
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: to have him out in the world like that. Anxiety
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: pieces my my huge and guides about safety, and I
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: worry like even like last night he was out playing
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: soccer and I was like, oh, no, training, you got
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: in a car crash. And so that's something I've been
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: working out pretenders by therapist. Yes, So if I worried
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: about going out and then I don't want them to
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: go out. Yeah, if I take away that little joy like,
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: I don't know, I just well, I think once you practice,
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: have you made any progress? Look? Yeah, therapies for everyone,
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: just net way. Yeah, So I would just add that
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: Rachel doesn't stop me from going out. She just has
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: these feelings she sort of deals with while I'm out,
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: and some anxiety there. But she's not like campering my
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: life and like locking me change at home all the time.
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: So and do you check in with her a lot
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: to ameliorate any of her fears. Yes, yeah, we except
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: for when I forget too and then that's been an issue.
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: But yes, we we try. We have a whole texting
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: routine when I'm out and not at home. So I
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: have a girlfriend like that. She freaks out when her
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: husband goes on bike rides. He goes every Sunday morning,
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: and she every Sunday morning, She's like, what if something happened?
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: What if something happened? And I'm like, what what is this?
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: I had never seen? I'm like, what do you mean what?
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: He's on a fucking bike ride when he goes every Sunday,
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: She's like, but every Sunday it happens so it's like
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: this pathology that exists. So I know that what you're
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: talking about is prevalent or exists. But yeah, the more
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: you let him go out, does that help you with
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: dealing with it? Yeah? And I think it's the idea
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: whereas I know, once I'm there, I can see like, oh,
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: the world feels normal and safe here. I don't know
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: what I'm scared about, but I just need to get there,
• 53:21
  Speaker 1: you know, to that point, and to physically be in
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: that space and recognize like this is a very normal space.
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: How funny that I want to not join you in
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: do my own thing and I don't worry about it.
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: But that's also in theory. So yeah, you have to stop.
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: You have to stop projecting all of your fears. I mean,
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: a good exercise. It's just to stop, Like when you're
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: gonna say it out loud, don't you have to say
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: the opposite and internalize it to yourself, like, this is
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: not a real fear. This is something that I have
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: going on in my narrative that's speaking to me. It's
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: that voice in the back of my head that's not
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: the real you. And you have to separate those two things.
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: We have the real us, and then we have that voice,
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: and that voice is just oh, he's trying to get
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: into us, you know, So you can exert control and
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: power over this situation by knowing that you're stronger than
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: that voice. Yeah, that was a real game changer for
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: me recently, was your thoughts just because they pop into
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: her and are not always true, And sometimes you can
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: have that like overarching like all right, my brain wants
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: to tell me that this is a scary, frightening thing
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: that my husband's like going out and having a good
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: time with, you know, with our friends or with whoever
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: he might be unsafe, maybe he meets somebody likes better
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: than me, whatever. But also the reminding yourself like that's
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: just a thought that's popping into my head. It doesn't
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: make it true. Yeah, I really like the word used narrative.
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: I think like that's the narrative I'm telling myself, and
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: that's like that's so easily skewed, and like I can
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: rewrite that narrative and take control of it. Or yeah,
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: and when he's out, you can switch the flip the dialogue,
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: like Nathan's safe right now, Nathan's having a good time
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: right now, Nathan's playing pickleball right now, and you keep
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: repeating that, and like the vibe will change event sally.
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: It will take time, but you've already been in therapy
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: about it. So it's just a matter of really just
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: shifting your thinking, you know, and remembering that you are
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: in charge of your thoughts and your emotions and your actions. Sorry,
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: I shouldn't say you're in charge of your thoughts, because
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: what you just said is true. We have thoughts that
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: pop into our head all the time. It's like when
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: my mom my sister had her baby, she goes, all
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: I can think about is dropping my baby. All I
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: can think about is dropping my baby, and it's like
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: she can't control that coming into her head. But she
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: had to understand she's not going to drop her baby.
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: Like she's not gonna do that. You know. It's like
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: irrational thoughts. So yeah, as long as you can try
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: to frame them, I think you'll be fine. And yeah,
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: go on that vacation. You guys have a great marriage.
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: Go like, experience it, take a bunch of risks and
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: see where you land. You may go and be like
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: I don't want to live anywhere other than Oregon. You
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: never know, Yeah, I would be so upset if I
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: let my fears about what what ifs take away the
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: possibility of living abroad and or other states and just
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: having that adventure together. So well, I want your next
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: amount to us to be from Italy. I would love
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: that we went tony dated. I can't stop thinking about
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: it still, So okay, Okay, Well have fun you guys,
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: keep us posted. Thank you so much, Dianne. That was
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: especially to Chelsea Catherine. Thank you so much. Hi guys,
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: thank you all for joining us by a lot of
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: domestic issues today. Girls. Well, let's take a quick break
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: and we'll be right back to wrap up with Diana
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: and Chelsea. Okay, and we're back with Diane Krueger. We're
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: going to wrap up our episode. Yes, and Diane, do
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: you have any advice you'd like from Chelsea? Oh my god, Chelsea,
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: just tell me how to live. I follow you on
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: Instagram and your life seems like a rock star. I
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: just want to be you. Well, you had a baby,
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: so parties, parties over, parties over. You made your bed
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: and now you have to lie in it for eighteen
• 57:04
  Speaker 1: years or if you're or if you're those kids from
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: that other marriage until their twenty but I'm sure as
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: your mother. I'm sure as a mother, you probably even
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: the thought of your kids leaving, especially a daughter, is
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: so terrifying to even think that there's a day that
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: she's gonna want to go to college or leave home terrifying.
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: I want her to be changed. I make her say,
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: I'm going to stay with you. You know that book
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: I Love You Whoever like? It's the children's book, and
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: it's about this kid growing up right, And it's about
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: the mother coming into the room every night and when
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: the kids asleep, and she holds them and she sings
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: from the songs saying I love you forever. I like
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby,
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: you'll be And I like make her repeat it all
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: the time so that she won't. At one point, the
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: mother grows old and the kid moves across town and
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: basically she then dies, and I make her say to
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: me that she will never move across town. That's funny.
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: A new book is called A Name from the Sky.
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: By the way, it's a great children's book. Great Christmas
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: gift for everybody who needs to get little kids some presents.
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: I'm going to get a bunch of my friends that
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: all have babies, and congratulations on that, and and congratulations
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: on being a happy camper these days. Sister, Thank you,
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: I thank you so much. It was so lovely to
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: talk to you guys to psychwise. Nice to meet you.
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: Have a great day. Bye bye bye. So I'm winding
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: up my stand up tour. Vaccinated and Horning is coming
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: to a screeching halt at the end of the year.
• 58:33
  Speaker 1: I have my last dates coming up, and these are
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: the last opportunities. You have to also buy merch from
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: the website Chelsea Handler dot com if you want Vaccinating
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: and Horning merch or Captain's hats that say We're the
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: Captain's now for women only, our t shirts for men
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: and your family that say I'm sorry because they should be.
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: I only have a few dates left. I'm going to Tucson, Arizona.
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: November five is Tucson, November six is Colorado Springs, and
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: then Rockford, Illinois, Minneapolis, Rosemont, Illinois, two shows in Tampa,
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: a show in Fort Myers, Florida, Daytona Beach, Hollywood, Florida, Concord,
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: New Hampshire, Wooster, Mass wilkes Berry, Pennsylvania, wilkes Berry Pennsylvania
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: there I said it, and then San Diego and Riverside, California,
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: and then Baltimore, Maryland, and then my very last date
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: is December six in Reading, Pennsylvania. So this will be
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: the last of me performing listeners. If you are enjoying
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: what you're hearing, you can subscribe to Dear Chelsea. That
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: is our podcast, and you can rate us if you want. Yeah,
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: that's a great idea. It actually makes a huge difference
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: for this podcast, for any podcast that you like, Subscribing
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: giving it a rating actually make a huge difference in
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: who all we get served too, and helping spread the word. Okay, yeah, yeah,
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: subscribe and and and and comment, yeah, and follow. I'm
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: trying to find what our rating is. So if you'd
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: a production of I Heart Radio. Executive produced by Nick Stump,
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.