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How to Empower Everyone Around You: It's not Gaslighting, it's Lighting a Match! · Salon Success Secrets — The podcast for salon owners who are done hustling harder and ready to break their revenue ceiling.

• 0:34
  Speaker 1: we have a great day in store today.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: We are super passionate, super excited to share, you know, just some amazing principles with you that can really empower you and your team.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: You know, when it comes to, you know, coaching, when it comes to selling.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: There are just so many parts of your life that today is going to cover and impact and just give you some freedom and possibility of what you can create next.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: So let's jump in.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: We're going to be talking about empowering everyone around you.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: It's not gaslighting, it's lighting a match.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: So you know, gaslighting is a term that I feel like is thrown around this day and age, and so when you think about what gaslighting is a term that I feel like is thrown around this day and age and so when you think about what gaslighting is, it's a form of psychological manipulation in which a person makes someone question their reality.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: So, just knowing that definition, you may be thinking, oh, got it, I've had that happen to me before, and so, really, we're just going to dive into how can, how can we really like use our words to create life and light and someone not use it as a form of manipulation, but as a form of inspiration and empowerment.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: So if you are excited as we are today, you know this is going to be awesome Because, you know, I truly think that that is what distinguishes a great leader, a great salesperson.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: You know there's just so many think that that is what distinguishes a great leader, a great salesperson.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: You know there's just so many people that you can think of like, wow, if you can really serve from that place of empowerment, you know, the impact that you can have on individuals is just really.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: It's profound, you know, and so that's why, you know, we're it's really crucial that we, you know, define what's the difference between gaslighting and empowerment, Cause I feel like gaslighting is such a buzzword right now and, you know, the last thing that we ever want to do is is really, you know, make someone question their reality, but when you can help them see a new possibility.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Because, you know, I think, once upon a time, when I was brand new inside of the industry and I was hardly making ends meet, you know, I think, if somebody wouldn't have helped me paint a bigger picture, if I wouldn't have been able to find, you know, some mentors here and there to surround myself with, I would have never been empowered to keep making bolder moves and bigger moves, but you can totally tell the difference between when someone is wanting to empower you and bring you to that higher vision versus if someone's just making you question your reality, and so today we're going to dive in deep to see what is that secret formula.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: How do you uncover your own greatness as a leader, as a salesman, whatever it looks like, and how do you help your team uncover the same?
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: So let's talk about lighting and match to kick us off.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: So when you think about empowerment, you know you're really thinking about supporting and encouraging others to reach their full potential.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: So when you're in that empowerment phase, there will come a time where you have to give constructive feedback, and we like to say that feedback can be a form of love.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: Now, I know that sometimes you're like you're crazy.
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: I've gotten some feedback before and it was not very nice, but if it's done and with the right intentions, feedback really can create a transformation in your life.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: And so when you think about that, like when you're first bringing on someone new, or like when you were a first a new salon owner like to really understand what feedback is, and then, if it's done, like I said, with the right intentions, how that really can create a transformation in your life.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: I know that I've gotten constructive feedback and I was like wow, that was really great, Like I'm going to use that to make myself a better person, and so that's one area that you want to look at.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: When it comes to lighting, that match is really just helping people.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: Like people see their blind spots.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: Hey, like if you were able to do this or if you were able to do that, or if you just gave a little bit of more ask more questions during a consultation like that client would be so much more bought in, They'd buy more product, they would reserve their next visits.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: So really being able to give that constructive feedback helps you to celebrate someone and help them see something they never saw that was possible for them.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, jen, I love that you talked about that because you know, I think that that's one of the crucial things to talk about when you do first bring on somebody new to your team is how feedback can be a form of love.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: And you know, because a lot of people grew up in their families or, you know, in school or wherever it was, that they experienced this, where feedback was given in a form of blame or shame, and so it wasn't necessarily given to help somebody become the best version of themselves.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: It was, you know, truly given to them to either, like, squash them down or, you know, make them question their reality or whatever it was.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: And so I think, pointing that out, you know we like to um with our, the companies that we work with.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: We like to do the feedback is love.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: You know, flip chart to share with somebody, where you just talk about like, hey, what's the difference between the two?
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: Um, because a lot of people you know it can be triggering when they get feedback, because they've gotten feedback in that form of blame or shame before and you know, just really helping them say like, hey, like, you know we're, we're at this point on the mountain and you know you're starting your summit to the top, and so you know we're going to look back and see you and we're going to throw you a rope.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: That's going to be in the form of feedback, and then you know we want you to catch it and start climbing up, because our goal is to get you.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: You know the highest that we can get you, and so part of that is going to be you know that you're going to get that feedback in the form of love, and so you'll know it's different when it's somebody wanting you to grow and get better and have a new reality.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: That feels like a place of ease for you Eventually not always in the beginning does it feel easy, but you know, eventually you want it to get to that place.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: And you know you can even point out to your team member like hey, sometimes it might happen with a guest, like we're still going to love the guest through it unless it's abusive.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: But, um, you know we'll still love the guests through it, but sometimes they're going to give you feedback that's like in the form of blame or shame.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: Um, and that's just because, like hey, not everybody has all the development that we do and you know if someone you know just automatically goes to the place of you know just blaming and shaming you for something that happens, like with a cut or a color, you know, whatever it might be, um, versus like, coming from that place of like, hey, can we make this adjustment or whatever.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: You know that's the difference between like blame and shame, and then feedback in the form of love, but then also coaching your teammates, like, hey, how can you create that space where you know you're not inviting um negative feedback, but where you're creating that welcoming environment with your guests that they feel safe to give you feedback if it's ever necessary?
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: And so, um, I think setting that up in the beginning with a new teammate is crucial and key and really can help teach that difference between lighting a match and gaslighting for sure.
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: And, like, when you think about being a salon owner, I've been in the space or I heard salon owners say how do I motivate my team?
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: Like, so, we would just want to explore some ways.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: So, like, how can you light a match?
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: Like, if you're like, okay, I don't know what else to do with so-and-so Susie Q, like, I give her all these tips, I do all these things and she's she's, she's not going, she's not setting on fire.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: No, I'm just kidding, she won't be set on fire.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: Like, like, how do you really light that match to let them see what's truly possible for them?
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: And think, you know, motivation can be so many different forms and ways to do that.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: But I really think a lot of times what some of our missing components are are really getting present and connected with that certain person that's not being motivated and understand what's important to them and having conversations that really help foster their talent, to help them see what they're fully capable of and to really create that work environment where they can thrive.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: So an example would be let's say you have someone that did a haircut on someone and the client called back and complained and you know your conversation with the stylist is like well, I don't know what you were thinking out there, but you know, I don't know whenever we say this, but I don't want you thinking out there, but you've got to make sure that line is really straight or your layers are really right, or like you weren't doing this or you weren't doing that or you weren't doing this, and like that really just beats a person down.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: So if you can approach it from the standpoint of, hey, you know what, let's look at this and let's look at all possibilities, like what do you think really happened during that visit?
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: What do you think you would do different next time?
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: Let me give you some feedback or some things that I've noticed, or some things that I saw, and like what did you learn from this experience?
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: So like to me, that's really going to light a match under someone and really help foster their full capacity to really see what's possible for them.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: You know it really does create such a totally different environment.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: You know, and, and when we're talking about environment, you know, I think that you know that's an environment where a team member feels supported and like they can grow and thrive.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: And, hey, it's okay to make mistakes, like um, as the leader of the team, you've probably made a million, or maybe I'm just talking about myself here, but you know, like you're going to make mistakes and it's okay.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: Like it's the learning and growing and correcting um that really turns you into, you know, the superstar um that is able to help create that for other people around you.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: And you know, I think when you can see that, like there, there's, like it just creates an environment, um, that's focused on amazing things.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: You know, because, like, when you think about it, why do some people thrive?
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: Um, it's because they're in that environment where they can.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: But also, like, when you think about it from a client perspective, like, why do what?
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: Is the real reason why clients buy?
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: You know, and I think the real reason why clients buy is because they feel like it.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: And you know there's, there's I know that's like a wild science news alert flashing, but really like they, they just feel like it.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: But how can you help somebody feel like it?
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: Because you know, I think no matter what you're doing whether it's in your coaching your team or you're supporting your clients to feel like they can buy.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: Um, you know, there's going to be a million facts that are like thrown out every day.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: You know, like there's going to be a fact to like your.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: Your customer's going to come in, your client's going to come in and they're going to say I've got frizzy hair.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: This sucks, you know like.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: Well, okay, so there's always a positive and a negative to every single fact that gets thrown out.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: You know, and I I think naturally you think of frizzy hair.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: The the negative of that is that you've got frizz, you know.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: But if you think about it, the positive of that is your hair can hold a curl better.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: You know, like you can you have the ability to get more volume, like there's some positive things to having frizzy hair.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: It's not just all frizz and suckiness you know that's a, that's a totally technical term, Um, but there's some positives to it too, and so, like, when you can create that environment like hey, we've got some amazing solutions for you, Like that starts to make that person feel more empowered.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: They're like wow, I never even thought about, yeah, my hair can hold a curl better.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: It creates that better feeling for them right away.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: It helps.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: You know that there's a positive and a negative to every single fact that gets dealt out in life, Um, but it's yeah, I love that you said that positive and negative, because what that creates a belief and then for us, we believe that that belief either brings faith to you or brings doubt to you, and you know, you probably experience this a lot, especially with new service providers, as you know.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: They get stuck so in that area of doubt or doubting themselves or you know, and that creates a lot of fear or a lot of anxiety, are doubting themselves or you know, and that creates a lot of fear or a lot of anxiety.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: And so like to really understand and teach your team about, like, the real reason people buy is looking at every fact.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: Has that positive and negative really can create a sense of freedom and just understanding people's the way people are the way people.
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: You know that psychological and emotional reason behind why people buy.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, and and all of those like, that belief or that doubt creates a feeling inside of us, you know.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: And when you talk about, like, why do people buy?
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: Because they feel like it.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: You know, like, if, if your consumer feels a lot of doubt around a situation, they're not going to feel like buying something, you know, but if they feel a lot of faith in something, then that's going to create that positive feeling, you know, so, like, so a fact's going to come in.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: They're going to tell you some sort of a fact.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: There's going to be a positive and a negative to that.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: That's going to, you know, be what they're focusing on, you know.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: And so when, when you focus on it, like like Jen said, there's either going to be that faith or or belief, or there's going to be that, you know, anxiety or anticipation or doubt.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: Um, that's, you know, connected to that negative feeling.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: Um, but when we can focus on the positive, not in a gaslighting way we're not, you know, like, if there's ever a real scenario all I can think of is morbid scenarios, but true scenarios where it's like, okay, this is not a good situation If somebody loses a pet or something you're not going to be like well, you're not going to have to go outside anymore.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: No, that's terrible.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: This is a real thing.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: Sorry for going morbid on you guys, but you know it's.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: It's hard to think of a situation where that would be gaslighting.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: But like when, when it's something like hair related, or like your, your team members trying to grow in a certain area, like they want to, you know, get better at balayage or they want to cut down their time, that it takes to apply a highlight or whatever it is, focusing on those positives and what they're doing well at, gives them more faith.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: It gives them more belief in themselves.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: And when they're connected to those feelings, that's when they feel empowered, you know.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: And and when they're connected to the opposite, that doubt or fear or anxiety, that's when they feel like like it's a dead end, you know, like they're powerless.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: They have absolutely no power over the situation, you know.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: And if you've ever worked with a team member before, you know maybe they've gotten a bad review and they just feel like defeated and powerless, like it's because it's all focused on the negative, and so your role as the leader can be like hey, let's, let's learn from this.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: Like cause there had to be some stuff that went right during the service.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: It didn't all go wrong.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: You know, most likely you probably maybe you didn't get water in their ears when you were shampooing them.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: Who knows what it is.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: Let's look at some of those positives, because the last like, if somebody beats themselves up enough, that's when they walk away and leave the industry.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: And that's why I believe that you know, you know, the salon owners that we work with really disrupt all of the statistics inside of our industry because they can lead from that place of positive leadership and help somebody see what they're truly capable of and keep them connected to that higher empowerment versus, like, if somebody is not on a team, they're, you know, just stuck in a closet side space alone.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: That can feel very disempowering, Like they don't have.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: They're just focusing on those negative things around them and, just, you know, creating more havoc in their lives.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: And so, you know, I think, when you're able to, to lead from this space and also create that environment for your guests, that's what makes them want to buy, that's what makes your team want to continue to grow as well.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and so you're probably thinking, oh, this sounds amazing.
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: So what are some strategies for empowering your salon team?
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: And I think you know one of the most magical things you can do is really have regular training and sessions where you help them see what's truly possible.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: Like teaching things about looking at the facts and looking at the positive and the negative and how it either creates faith or doubts.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: Like that really can help make a contribution to them.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: And so, like working on this during salon celebrations and like putting like mindset is one of the first things that you work at when you have a new hire, like things like that will help to really empower your team from the beginning so they understand, um, all the ins and outs that you're you're creating in your, in your company.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and so if you, if you have a question, if you have a burning question as a salon owner that you would love for us to give you some advice or feedback from, obviously, a place of love, we would love to do that.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: So shoot us an email, hello, at the phdprogramcom, or you can text us at 855-650-3445.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: And we'd be happy to answer any of your questions.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: Truly, we think that that's the way that our industry gets the beautiful reputation that it can is when we're able to create more of this ripple effect inside of the world, like, not only does it empower our team to grow and become better, it empowers our clients to, you know, love us more and also, you know, spend more money inside of our spaces and you know, it really helps people in their personal life outside of work too.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: So we're grateful for you tuning in today and we can't wait to hear from you.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: All right, we'll catch you next week.