Latest / Jess Ask / Embracing the Impossible: Jessica's Faithful Journey into Year 32 | EP38

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Embracing the Impossible: Jessica's Faithful Journey into Year 32 | EP38 · Jess Ask

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Hey, it's your girl, Jess. You've just entered a safe space for
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Kingdom entrepreneurs and creatives to decompress, have fun, and yeah, you've guessed
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it a safe place to just ask. Before we get into it, be
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sure to subscribe and download the podcast, follow me on all platforms at the
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Jessica S. Smith and invital friend Also make sure you d m me your
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feedback and questions so we can keep the conversation going. Now, let's get
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into this week's episode. We're here. We Oh, okay, big,
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what's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's that?
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What's up? Yah? Yeah, what's up? Yeah? I said what's
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up? Yeah? I said, what's up? What's up? Okay,
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some of y'all are gonna be like, I'm just gonna stop watching her.
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It's your is your is your right to stop watch? Because I'm trying to
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help myself up right now, y'all. First of all, welcome to Just
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Ask the podcast. Hey does it ray? Hey, listen, this is
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the place where we create a safe space for influencers. I'm having to get
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it used to just saying if I want to say, it's so bad influencers
1:22
to decompress, have fun and just as it is your girl, Jessica as
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Smith, and I have my lovely, lovely friend, producer, purpose partner
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that check over there al right down home, right down al right there,
1:34
y'all see her glasses Like where you get them from? How you say it?
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I say z z, but I thought double on me o z z
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z. Yeah from there. Listen, we're gonna need to ask for it
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because both of us well, I don't have blassing on to day because she
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got them last year. Y'all, y'all, I've really been being hey Jessica,
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happy birthday to hey, halfy birthday, to your happy birthday, hacky
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birthday, to half birthday, to your happy birthday, Happy birthday, happy
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birthday, happy birth birthday. Yeah birthday. It's my girl. So by
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the time you see this, we got a couple of days, you know,
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but we're gonna be celebrating my girl, the Jessica as Smith as she
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celebrates another year years a birthday. Thank you. I'm already thanking you,
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thanking you. This is for you and for you, my number one and
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for you, it's my birthday. It's my birth Jessica, listening your birthday,
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so how do you feel about what number is this? I mean,
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girl, you wanted them age, not no more. It's the thirty two
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for me? Thirty two? Okay, it's there. How are you feeling
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as you're approaching this twenty twenty four January the twentieth birthday? Because that's my
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birthday? Get that right, January twentieth, one twenty it's my birthday.
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How am I feeling? I'm feeling much better than I did last year.
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Okay, last year was hard, Like I just couldn't. I didn't want
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to celebrate my birthday. I didn't feel like I wanted to celebrate my birthday.
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I didn't feel like my birthday was important. Wow? Right? Was
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that just because of you know, coming through a was it certain type of
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year? I just didn't feel like fighting to gather people for myself. I
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just I didn't feel like doing that. The year prior to them thirtieth birthday,
4:00
I had the give back, just give back, and it was phenomenal,
4:08
beautiful, It was beautiful. It took a lot of energy. Though
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it did take a lot of energy. I'm grateful that I did it,
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though I would not change that, but I really wanted to make that my
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birthday centered around that that thing and my God, it happened right and I'm
4:25
grateful for it. But even birthdays prior to that, I felt like I
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always had to think about it for myself and you know, just do it
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and I'm like okay, right now, this year, I won't say I'm
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more I guess settled in okay, just being like okay, I'm okay,
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we're doing nothing for my birthday. Like last year I actually served, which
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wasn't a problem for my birthday. It really wasn't a problem. However,
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this year I just said no. I had the opportunity to serve, but
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this year I said no, I'm not doing I'm not serving on my birthday.
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I was proud of myself for that because it took you know, work.
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We are this year is big on the n O. But yeah,
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last year I served and that wasn't a problem. But this year, I
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just like I said no, Like it took a lot for me to do
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that because I was I wasn't scared of anything, but that was I would
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have served out of being a people pleaser versus serving because I really wanted to
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serve on my birthday. Like and I always I always want to serve.
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But the thing about it is I just want to be able to can you
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see me now, Okay? I wanted to be able to just do what
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I want to do on birthday and that wasn't it. And I couldn't figure
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out. Y'all know we've talked about one of my goals is just being mindful,
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more mindful my finances. And I have a few friends that you know,
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asked me what I was doing. And one one in the particular,
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one of the friends, she told me, you know, hey, I
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don't know if it's funny how she came to me, but she was like,
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hey, I don't know if you have plans, but you got this
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and this. And I'm like, well, if I had plans, they
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counsel because you made it. But I didn't have plans. So because I
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told her, even when she asked me, I was like, girl,
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I'm gonna be at the house and my birthdays on a Saturday this year,
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so I'm gonna be at the house and just relaxing and just being me.
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So I'm actually the closer I get to her, I get excited, I'm
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excited, and I'm nervous. I'm excited and I'm nervous, nervous, nervous.
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Yeah what' you're nervous? Fun because God's doing something, Oh he do
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And as I obey what I hear, it's uh, it's different. Okay,
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So you know how, I think we've talked about this before, like
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what's your word for the new year? Like twenty twenty four, and some
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people believe that the new year really starts on their birthday, right because it's
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technically their year, their new year. I can, I can dig that
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with it. I ain't all deep into that, but I do. Before
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I start giving myself a word for the year, I would the Lord had
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me writing myself letters. I didn't know this was gonna be a traditional thing.
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But I started writing myself on my birthday and that was when I had
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the naturally devoted. So I was doing the blogs at the time. I
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don't even think I had when I started that. I hadn't had the magazine
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at the time. Yeah your Girl is a whole magazine and come come,
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come, come hit me up, shout out to me. But yeah,
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I didn't have the magazine yet. But I was doing those blogs and I
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would share it as share it share, I would tell myself Happy birthday,
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right, I would tell myself happy birthday sharing those blogs, and I had
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a word and this. If you follow me on social media, you'll always
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hear me say, especially for Monday night gatherings. That's gonna be starting back
8:20
very soon. But Monday night gatherings, I always say, end the live
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with love, always yourself. And that's my tech, one of my taglines.
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And I didn't know it was a tagline until I realized that's what I
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was doing when I was writing these letters. So as I write these letters,
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that's something I look forward to every year. And then I so at
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this point, at this point, I I'm thinking about, Okay, God,
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what are you gonna tell me to tell me? That's good? Yeah,
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God, what are you gonna tell me to tell me? And this
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year has He's given me a peak of what He's gonna tell me? Like
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I've been intentional about paying attention to what he is, you know, showing
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me regarding my birthday, regarding this year, regarding year thirty two. And
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one of the things this is how God uses me or whatever in my mind,
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like one of the things he showed me. You know, everybody talks
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about thirty two is the year of magic. Right, And you know as
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a believer, you know, girl, you know we can be we can
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be holding down and not and miss the point of what we can. No,
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I do not believe in hocus pocus and magic and africadabracas. That's not
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that's not what I believe. But one of the things that God kept saying,
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saying is showing me is the traditional thought of is my magic year?
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Why is because magic Johnson Water number thirty two, all right, So it
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has multiple connections for me. For one, my word for the year is
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exceedingly a bundly above all that you can ask or think. Right, it's
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exceedingly abund above but based on his ability, not mine, right. And
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so that's what He's been showing me. So now that I'm entering in year
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thirty two, we have this opportunity to experience something greater, something exceedingly the
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abundantly. That's the magic, right. And so if you think about the
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idea of magic, the idea of magic is making something appear that once never
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was. Ooh, I feel my help coming from the idea of magic.
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Because God is beyond magic, right, God is not magic. He's a
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real thing. Or whatever. He's the miracle, he's the sign, he
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is the wonder. Right, that's what I believe in. But just going
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on with the foundation of the word. If you think about the concept of
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magic, when people say I can do a magic, normally trick comes after
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it. This is not a trick. This is the real thing. This
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is the real thing, the real thing. The gag is that God want
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to do it for me, but he wants to do it in a way.
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He wants us to do it for me. So when I do it,
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I limit God when I try to use my abilities. So it's not
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magical. It's not the wonder, it's not the miracle, it's not the
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sign. And so when I move myself out the way and allow God to
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say, okay, I'm taking over, right, not in a way of
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I'm trying to be a dictator, but I'm taking over because the way the
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way you've been been walking this thing out or even visualizing yourself and acting upon
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it is not enough. It's not it's not in the exceeding, it's not
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in the abundance. So I'm gonna take over. And so even the fact
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that this number is correlated to magic. Johnson, what I've been saying,
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y'all, if you've been paying attention what I've been saying, Oh, I
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know you better know Desilray, because I've been texting you. We just talked
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about pivot in the first beginning of this year, pivoting, we talked about
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basketball, and so God brought me back to what I've been texting you.
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I'm taking my shot. So this is not only this is the year of
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magical with quotation marks things happening for me, but it's the year that I
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take my shot. And I and one of the things that Greg always says,
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I always I'm tired of using Greg quote God may be good, they
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be good though He's that's my sports guy. He's gonna give me a lot
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of sports stuff. And so one of the things he consistently tells me is,
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you miss one hundred percent of the shots you don't take. You miss
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one hundred of the shots that you don't take. And if I'm if this
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is my magical year, then okay, the shots that I missed weren't okay,
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cool, But I'm I'm taking so many shots that I'm not missing all
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of them, right, I'm not missing all of them. And then I'm
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making room like I'm not concerned about the audience when I'm taking my shot.
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I'm not even concerned about my team. I mean not my team, but
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my code at the time, because he not necessarily on the flow with me.
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But what I am concerned about is the people that are on the flow
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with me. And if I might have to pass the ball, I just
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need to. I just need the shot to go in at this time.
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But this time, I feel like the Lord is saying, this is your
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time to have the ball, and you need to take the shot. You
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know what's beautiful about repetition? Mm hmm. You know, if you think
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about shooters, you know two three guards that are shooters. You will catch
13:26
them in the gym just literally shooting right, and like you said, at
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some point more will start going in. Then they're not because their body begins
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to It's almost like adapt to the wind. It's like adapt to the Simmary
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muscle memory. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. And
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then it's almost kind of like breathing. It's like second nature. That's so
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good, and that's the point. But the thing, the thing is like
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that your girl been practicing, it's time to get a game. But it's
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time to get in the game right. One thing we're not gonna do all
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year, Desertate is reference. It seems it's good. It sounds like we
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know what we're talking about. The sound is good. Okay, the sound
14:11
is good. But yeah, I'm I can't say like there's a I'm excited
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and I'm nervous about this year. I will say that. And because the
14:20
thing, the thing about it is when you take the shot, you still
14:22
gotta take the shot. When you take the shot, you still got to
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take the shot. What does that mean? That means that you have to
14:30
do it. You have to do it for yourself. And then or thing
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about basketball is that your shot is not just about you taking the shot,
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but your your shot affects the score of the team. It affects the output
14:45
of the game, the outcome of the game. And so me taking my
14:50
shot is not about me. And so when I selfishly, when I selfishly
14:56
say I can't do this, when I selflessly say I'm not enough, but
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you to shoot it. Though I'm the shooting, my role is the shooter
15:05
to shoot. If I am being called to be a shooter, you gotta
15:07
shoot. I gotta shoot, that's it. You gotta you gotta lead,
15:11
you gotta leave the floor at the end of the day, at the end
15:15
of the day. And so that's that's why I am with this. Uh
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who much is giving? Much is required? That's scary. Yeah, I
15:24
know that's scary because it's like, God, can you get this to somebody
15:31
else? I mean he can right, Like, because if folks get excited
15:37
about God's doing a new thing, God's new new thing, I've learned,
15:41
I'm like, whoo when God do a new thing, it's new and it's
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exciting. But with the gag gills responsible the responsibility, man, you will
15:48
come with it, okay, like oh, okay, you passed that.
15:54
You over there, now, okay, be no to the next. Okay,
15:56
you gotta learn something new. And then it's so frustrating the process.
16:00
I love to learn. I love to learn. But the more I know,
16:03
the more I'm responsible for. The more I know, the more I'm
16:08
responsible for it. And so now it's like, uh, Jessica, it's
16:17
I feel like I'm like, it's I'm probably I'm probably safer by myself.
16:21
I'm probably safer at home. I'm probably safe at home. I just I
16:26
can't. No, no, no, I fail no. Yeah. So
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when you so Desiree is a little bit more mature than me, what does
16:41
that mean? That mean that you hit thirty two a minute ago? Baby?
16:45
Okay, yeah, few years ago. So but she don't look at
16:48
she looked like, look at your face, y'all, look at delireate at
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me, look at me. Does she look like over thirty thirty two?
16:57
I'm gonna say thirty two? Does she looks like she's over thirty two?
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You complete yes or no in a in the chat. I still can't believe
17:10
that I'm thirty seven. Oh, I'm glad you said it. I mean,
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so we're about to this year is thirty eight? Oh it is?
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Ain't it? This twenty thirty eight? It is? But you got some
17:22
months, you got some months, but you're approaching forty. So how are
17:29
you feeling about that? I don't know yet. I'm very aware that I
17:37
am not the same person I even was this time last year. You know,
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because as you as we say, God he do new stuff, but
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with new stuff comes with the processing of that thing, right, yeah,
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And so the reason why the process is necessary is because in order for him
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to bring you to that new thing. Right, he has to make sure
17:56
that you're able to sustain that in that place, right otherwise, I mean
18:00
we see it all the time. Scan those people drop, we frond of
18:03
the ball, whatever it looks like. So I'm excited and kind of like
18:08
you nervous because you know when you just hear, when He's placed people around
18:15
you that can see things that you don't necessarily see about yourself. Yeah,
18:19
but everybody can't be lying. Ooh, you know it's so good. Everybody
18:25
can't be lying. So at some point we have to catch up to what
18:27
God has already said, you know what I'm saying. We have to we
18:32
have to catch up to that and our thinking and our being, you know
18:36
what I'm saying. So it's like, okay, and I can. I've
18:38
seen some things, you know, which is scary in a good way.
18:41
But you know the scary part is like, I know I can't do that
18:48
in my own strength. So as I'm just you know, trusting God and
18:55
just trusting his plan for my life. You know, the crazy thing is
18:57
he already know what's up. He already knows what's coming, and we'll be
19:00
acting like we don't. He don't know. We be acting like we really
19:04
that we can, like Jonah better than he can, like for real.
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That that's in my mind. Sometimes I'm like, I got this, I
19:11
can do this better than he can for real. But approaching for them really
19:15
excited about it because you know that's two years away, and and we we
19:22
turning up. Man, that's like two years by that time, we're gonna
19:27
we're gonna we're gonna be sitting no money, We're gonna be We're gonna be
19:30
outside. We're gonna be outside. Like I'm talking about, get a yacht.
19:36
You get the yacht. Okay, maybe not a yacht. Maybe we
19:37
give you some go ahead, go ahead, we believe it. We believe
19:41
it, we believe it. Were gonna at this point, we're gonna be
19:45
like, girl, which day you want to go? What you want?
19:48
You want the you want, the blue one, the pink one, the
19:49
green one. I mean, I mean hopefully we got husband slash baby daddy's
19:56
soon and very soon we come. I'm gonna call my husband who had husband
20:00
baby daddy. If you're out there, Hey, husband's baby daddy. Oh,
20:08
I can't wait to touch my husband. I'm saying that out loud.
20:11
Okay, I could listen. M hm, let us listen. Tell the
20:25
truth and same the devil. You know what I'm saying, I'm not Finna,
20:27
you know, live this life. I don't even say alone. But
20:32
I got too much on me to be doing this by myself. Yeah,
20:36
like somebody got to help, somebody gotta have a back because my brain go.
20:41
I even told him at work, I was like, so, I
20:42
had a new team member come on this uh this week, and she is
20:49
different than what I'm accustomed to leading in a great way, but I'm having
20:53
to learn she's more mellow. You know, I'm extra. I am extra.
20:57
I am very extra. And so I was like you good, You're
21:00
good, and she'll be like I'm good. And I had to talk to
21:03
us say hey, you know I can tell you think like this. Now.
21:07
I can think like this for other people and do something. But when
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i'm leading it, my brain go, okay this because I know everything,
21:15
I know where everything is like and create. I'm a creative. So I
21:21
was telling her. I was like, yeah, I just need you to
21:23
be patient with me and just talk if I if I think I told you
21:26
some Sometimes I think I said it out of my mouth and so I'll say
21:32
I told her, I said, listen, Limba, I need a little
21:36
grace. And I think that was I wanted to do. I didn't even
21:40
know I was gonna bring this up. I wanted to do leadership differently,
21:44
period, but I wanted to do the leadership differently specifically with her because of
21:49
her story and she is gonna challenge me, and oh my god, I
21:55
can already see it. Like she came in one morning, was like can
21:59
you can you write now for me what you want? Like can we get
22:02
this? Can we do that? And all the things I plan to do,
22:04
I just hadn't gotten done. I hadn't gotten done yet. But with
22:07
her, I ain't got no chruice because she's my priority because if she's not
22:11
developed, then the business don't develop. And so now I had to make
22:18
a decision to be okay with being uncomfortable and just allowing her to tell me
22:22
what she needed and to settle there, like not saying, oh, she's
22:26
trying to tell me what to do, or she's trying to she don't trust
22:32
me. No, you're learning her, she is learning you. And I
22:37
deltally tell myself there every day, Jessica, you are learning her and she
22:41
is learning you because I've been burned. I've been burned in the situation,
22:47
and so I did not want to project on her what I had experience and
22:52
within other people, right, And so I don't even know why I brought
22:57
that up. What was I talking about this? Or really I don't know
23:03
why I brought that up, but I guess somebody need to hear that.
23:06
So I'm just gonna flow with other spirit, like I guess old spirit like
23:08
sometimes and I guess this is the connection for me, Like I feel like
23:14
this year, I'm gonna find a new level of freedom. Having a conversation
23:22
with one of my friends, ooh, it's trying to get real, and
23:26
we talk about this being a safe space, right, But if I'm honest,
23:33
I've never really completely felt safe anywhere. I can't name one place I've
23:40
really felt safe outside of being by myself in my home. And so when
23:47
I think about that, it's not anybody else's fault, right, especially because
23:51
a lot got some good people in my corner. I have great leaders,
23:56
I have great friends. Shout out to this. I love you just but
24:02
I haven't you know, even in our relationship, we just we're just even
24:06
our relationship I've told you, I'm like, I'm not used to this like
24:11
some of mine. And it's not even just truth, it's just like my
24:15
my reality, my perception, my little thoughts or whatever. And I think
24:18
that I can't ever say anything because I don't know what has happened. I
24:23
have to figure it out. But at one point I was silenced or I
24:27
didn't feel safe revealing or exposing or telling the truth or you know what I'm
24:33
saying, because I felt like me holding that was safer than releasing it,
24:38
and I found it to be the other way around. Now, Like I'm
24:41
learning that, you know, for one, freedom ain't Freedom is not about
24:48
exposing it to the world. Just because I'm free about something, that doesn't
24:53
mean that it's the assignment to let the world know what I've been through on
24:57
that particular part. Sometimes everybody can't manage the level of that level of authenticity
25:03
and realness. Everybody can handle it, right, But I'm learning that the
25:08
people that are called and assigned to manage that, you take them to God.
25:15
Okay, God, if you are signing them to navigate my mess or
25:19
help me navigate my mess and get over and then just expose myself in that
25:25
new way and be naked and unashamed. Then I'm gonna give them back to
25:30
you if they don't, if they don't wanted it. I was driving in
25:34
the car this morning, I mean, on the way here, and I'm
25:40
frustrated about something. I have to tell you to listen, but I'm frustrated
25:44
about something currently today ain't none of your business, but I'm frustrated about something.
25:49
But I feel like someone is mishandling me. All right, but yesterday
25:56
they told me it was, oh, you know, I love you or
26:02
whatever. I was like, okay, it was a random like what are
26:06
you what are you saying that for? Oh? Just because okay, fast
26:10
forward, I'm looking at it. Okay, the love and the Lord talks.
26:18
What I'm frustrated about specifically with this person is that you just told me
26:26
that you've said it on multiple occasions, right, But I can't see the
26:33
honor and the Lord told me that anyone can say that they love you,
26:41
right. And I'm not even just talking about you know, we go.
26:44
I'm not trying to even get too deep off the other. Love is patient,
26:45
love is kind. I'm not trying to get into the Corinthian scription on
26:49
that. What I am trying to get to there is sometimes people do love
26:53
us, but at the capacity that they can love us. But what I'm
26:57
the frustrating part that I'm feeling is that is not about that that person may
27:03
or may not may or may not love me, but it's the the discipline
27:11
being disciplined enough to honor me in the areas you need to honor me.
27:17
So love, yeah, anybody can love you, but can you honor me?
27:22
So I think I'm in a state where like, I don't I got
27:26
enough people that love me. What I need is honor. So what does
27:32
honor look like? I'm I would say the respect of boundaries, right,
27:44
Uh, the respect of my heart? Mm hmm, the respect of my
27:51
heart? My the word old and I know I'm feeling in the crime mm
27:57
hmm. Girl, tell them folks to stop the honor of the regard of
28:06
my heart. Like when you regard someone's heart, it's like you're protecting them,
28:18
right, And when I don't feel protected, it's easy for me to
28:22
connect it to love. And I was like, I might need to stop
28:26
doing that because people are people love you out of the capacity that they can
28:29
love you, or they choose to love you. But when people honor you,
28:34
it looks different. It looks DESI rae, I know you love me,
28:42
but I also know you honor me. Yeah, like it's in you
28:49
embody that you know what I'm saying. And I'm not like trying to sound
28:52
like a dictator or anything like that. But people, people's actions and motives
29:02
show the honor right. And so even with our story of even doing the
29:07
podcast and how you prop and then we can see death ray is is as
29:11
invested as this in this thing like she is on she on this side.
29:17
Do you know what I'm saying? I asked, I asked the woman to
29:18
God last night because my voice was gone, it was completely shot. So
29:22
I'm if it sounds like a man or something like that, I sound so
29:26
much better. It sounds beautiful today. And I tell her yesterday, I
29:30
said, baby, we still got a record today. Okay, if because
29:33
we needed some stuff in the chamber, if y'all, if y'all understand the
29:38
podcast where if y'all understand we needed some stuff in the chamber, right,
29:41
And I said, we by enemies necessary. I said, I trust you
29:45
to do it. I'll be on the other side with the headphones on.
29:49
Whatever I'll do that, and she said, Lord, please, I thank
29:55
you right now, Like she starts going into prayer, y'all, she really
30:00
I was going to prayer, like she alteredly, she like she's not ready
30:03
for this part yet, but she's been doing it. She's on when y'all
30:07
hear on every show like, she does a great job. Y'all tell please
30:10
tell her on the companies that she's doing a great job. You like all
30:14
this new editing, these new lights, camera action like, but back to
30:18
the honor. I feel like that there's a regard like ooh, oh,
30:26
oh my gosh, there's regards. To regard someone is to not only think
30:33
of someone, but to act on the thought. So if someone regards me,
30:41
I know, I know it. That's a difference between somebody saying,
30:45
oh, I was thinking about you the other day. Did you act on
30:49
it? How many days ago? That was? How many days ago?
30:55
What was I'm just saying, like you said that that happened? Oh yeah,
31:00
oh you know I you know, I thought about I'm gonna pray for
31:03
you. That's a thought regarding you know, let's girl, let's pray right
31:11
now, or seeing I'm sending you a voice recorder that's the best thing a
31:15
coach d Ever taught me. Like, you don't think about that till somebody
31:18
unlocks that. You just go with the flow. Don't tell me you're gonna
31:22
pray for me, Please don't, please don't, And honest to God,
31:26
elp me to point right now. I don't need everybody playing for me.
31:30
I don't even know if I want everybody praying for me, because the thing,
31:33
the danger is that I'm always seeking somebody else to do something that I
31:36
can do for myself. I don't know why I'm saying this when I'm saying
31:41
it, Like last night, there's this viral video going on that's talking about
31:49
annoysing the home. All right, I did it. I felt lated to
31:55
do it, and I had to think about it before. I haven't been
32:00
in a place where that I've anointed my own my own home. I've anointed
32:08
other folks places, but I never anointed my own space. Now, breathe
32:15
now, one thing, one thing by my friend, my friend breath.
32:19
She ain't gonna play with no demon, no dealwin hill, nothing. She
32:22
ain't gonna play with it. Okay, she real sweet, she but when
32:24
she talked when it's about buyinging something up and put some anointing off that one
32:30
right there, shoot up like coming for the kill. Okay, So she
32:35
anointed both of my places where I reside right now, both of my places.
32:38
I would rent a place before I owned the place, and when I
32:43
first moved there, she anointed. She anointed the place that I was renting.
32:52
And to think about what happened in that in their home, I got
32:57
stories. I got stories. But then she also anointed my my house,
33:07
and she prayed over it, you know what I'm saying. And she told
33:09
me about it after she did it. She one thing she didn't do is
33:13
ask for permission, because that was her love and honor for me. Right.
33:19
And so now I'm in a space where like I heard the Lord say,
33:22
no, it's time for you to do it right, It's time for
33:28
you to do it. So I did it. I did it last night.
33:30
You know what I'm saying. I acted upon anointing my home. And
33:34
the reason why I'm saying is, don't I don't need anybody praying for me,
33:37
because, for one, I don't know how genuine it is. I
33:39
don't know what the Lord's you know what I'm saying, Like if the Lord
33:42
plays me on your heart, then I know it's real in this season.
33:45
I know it's real in this season. Right. I've getting I've gotten confirmations
33:49
for people like I haven't even said something, and then they'll come and I'm
33:52
like, what are you serious? I know you here? God, I
33:57
need that right now. I don't need nobody nice. I'm nice to myself.
34:05
Does that sound rude? I'm being I can be nice to myself through
34:08
prayer, right. I don't need the niceness I need because I got some
34:12
stuff to rid of. Right, I got some stuff to rid of.
34:15
I got some places to go, I got some people to see, I
34:19
got some seeds to play. I got some harvests to reap. That's what
34:22
I got. And I don't need nobody just being nice, saying anything,
34:28
just just throwing stuff out there in prayer. I don't need that. I'm
34:32
too I'm too alled up for that. I ain't never said it in my
34:37
life. Cock cock cock, I'm too alled up for that. Right.
34:45
And so now thirty two is about to be a whole different ballgame, is
34:49
about to be a new belief system of myself. It's about to I'm about
34:55
to show me a new me. I am. People say that, but
35:00
some something on this it feel different. It seems different. I'm scared.
35:07
I ain't gonna lie I'm scared people. No, I'm not saying I'm not
35:13
gonna lie and say I'm not. I'm not scared because you need you need
35:19
a level of fear to be bold. That's what courage he is like.
35:22
People think, oh, you're so courageous. Well, fear had to be
35:25
there for her, for him or her to be courageous. And so yeah,
35:30
I'm telling you right now, I am. I'm scared about what's gonna
35:34
happen, good or bad. Right, But what I also do know is
35:37
that I have to be I have to be full enough and aware enough that
35:45
if God is gonna take me down this path, then he has prepared me
35:49
and he has ordered my steps, and I have to be okay with that.
35:52
Yeah, I do. And everything you need is already there. It
35:57
is. All you have, is all you need, all you have,
36:02
it's all you need. So that's that one good I don't know. Cheers
36:10
your girl. I'm gonna be transparent. This might be a transparent moment.
36:16
Cheers to that. One of the things I said this year that I wasn't
36:23
gonna do was drink alcohol. Now. I love me a good lass wine.
36:27
Yeah, I love me a good class wine. Okay, aldi wine
36:32
winking out. I enjoy a pleasant a pleasant sip. Okay. I don't
36:37
think anything's grown with that or whatever. And I'm not boasting about it.
36:40
I just want you to hit my heart on this. One of the things
36:45
that ways I know something's changing is because I've I've stopped drinking before for a
36:50
period of time and God did something significantly significant in my life and I felt
36:55
led to do it for the year. So one of the things that I'm
36:59
giving I know it's multiple things I'm giving up, but one of the things
37:01
I'm giving up is alcohol. Right, I'm not a drunk. I'm not
37:05
you know, I don't have a I don't shouldn't say I'm not a drunk.
37:08
I don't have an addiction to alcohol. Have I used it in the
37:13
past to nurture my feelings, Yes, we all have. If I can,
37:21
If I can call a spade a spade, that's the spade I'm a
37:23
call. Okay. I have definitely used it to nurture my feelings, but
37:30
this year it's only been a couple of weeks and I probably I don't know.
37:37
I think maybe I had my last class one in the middle of December
37:42
or something like that. So I haven't drinked in probably months, to be
37:45
honest, but yeah, it's almost a month. It's been probably about a
37:54
month. So I'm not drinking this year. And I did that because I
38:02
felt the Lord was asking me to do it, and then I also felt
38:07
responsible to do it, the responsibility of doing it, and I keep just
38:12
sitting that there. There's a sober ring that's happening, not necessarily just with
38:16
my physical but spiritual and emotionally, and it's I can this past week like
38:24
I got I could see who I got frustrated this week, especially at work.
38:30
I got frustrated this week, and to not have that as the nurture
38:39
I didn't. I couldn't fall back on that. I couldn't say, let
38:43
me just get a glass wine, I'm gonna relax. I can't do that.
38:45
I literally had to sit in that frustration and make a plan to not
38:50
be in that place again. The plan is not alcohol for me anymore.
38:57
Four Okay, the plan ain't alcohol for me no more. Plan is not
39:00
taking me a little shot because the plan is not you know, going to
39:04
out, didn't get the three dollars bottle. It's not that, it's not
39:09
that it is all right, Why am I feeling this way? What am
39:14
I hearing right now? And then like really exposing and it's another thing it
39:21
did, and I'm it sounds like I'm running, but I'm just want to
39:23
be transparent. Another thing it did was I remember getting frustrated this week.
39:35
I already know I can't I can't drink or whatever, so that's not even
39:37
option. So it made me be honest with my accountability. One of that
39:44
specific person is my sister, one of them, and I really see our
39:49
relationship developing with me me ridding of things that I would hide my emotions from
39:59
the way I would have my emotions and be like, Okay, I'm good,
40:01
I'm good, and I'm really not good because I don't really dealt with
40:04
it. So I'm really dealing with me on a different level this year.
40:10
And that's what the scary part is, because I know there's gonna be some
40:14
things that I find out about myself and find out that I and admit that
40:17
I've done and then just you know, gathering the data and analyzing it my
40:29
data, analyzing my data and saying what you're gonna do with it? So,
40:36
yeah, that's where I am. Don't read what what are you over
40:39
there thinking? I think it's you know, we don't see things like this
40:47
sometimes, but we can easily make things idols, you know, and we
40:54
think, oh, because it's you know, it's not a big old golden
40:58
calf in yeah, idol. Right, But if you the thing that you
41:00
choose ahead of God, it's an idol. Right. So if you think
41:05
about it, if you're if you're in an emotional state and your first thought
41:08
is to grab something to go to somebody versus go to God, it's an
41:15
idol. Right. So I think it's it's it's it's cool. Like you
41:19
said, it is a sobering because as as you've made a choice, it's
41:22
a sacrifice. You know, God responds to sacrifices as you as you choose
41:29
to make that sacrifice, he's going to show up differently because now you're putting
41:34
him in his right place. Yeah, where he wants to be, where
41:38
he wants to be. He wants to be there. I didn't want him
41:42
to be there. That's a whole other story. That's a that's a podcast,
41:45
and then listen. He wants to be there, and I didn't want
41:47
him to be there because him being there makes everything like a tell the truth
41:55
and shame the devil brouh. Allowing God to reside in the space that he
42:02
created for himself within your heart makes everything light up, so everything is exposed.
42:13
Why did I talk to that gentleman for so long? Why did I
42:16
stay at their job knowing that God told me to leave? Why did I,
42:21
you know, go through this pression of my life by myself when he
42:25
told me to call Desiraee Stacy like why why you know what I'm saying?
42:32
And so I'm getting my answers to my wives. I think it's so dope.
42:37
Like where I am. I'm there as I'm growing and nurturing my relationship
42:45
with him, I'm noticing what I've been able to notice him is in the
42:47
everyday things like typically like, oh God, this is big thing. But
42:52
what if you just can't find your keys and you bel like, Holy Spirit,
42:55
I don't know what my keys is. I'm running late X, Y
42:58
and Z. And then he said, oh, turn to your right,
43:00
pull the pillow up, and the keys on the pillow. You know what
43:02
I'm saying, like, oh yeah, but in this season, I started
43:07
on the thirty first. I came in here and I sat down. I
43:12
was gonna I was supposed to be doing a prayer wark right, But I
43:15
sat down with my I got this big old sketch pad that I really only
43:17
I just write in it. And the first thing I wrote was identity and
43:22
who am I? Right? And so he as I was sitting there,
43:27
you know, all the people were just kind of dropping different scriptures and I
43:30
will go to the scripture and I would you know, then certain words pop
43:32
up, and he started in uh uh Genesis, uh in that rom And
43:42
so now here we are in January, and I've been its and it's been
43:45
so interesting. I've been having these conversations with my mom over the last week
43:49
and so, and she since Christmas. She came up here for Christmas.
43:52
And even then she started telling stories about my when I was a kid,
43:55
when I was a baby. Now these are things I don't remember, or
43:59
I don't have no recollection. But she was like, oh, I remember
44:01
when you you used to climb out your crib and I could never understand how
44:05
he was getting out of your crib and then your uncle saw you throw your
44:08
leg over and slide down a dress of this, and then you used to
44:10
escape out of the you know, the play pen and did it this.
44:15
Then she starts telling me the other day about how, you know, everybody
44:17
used to love to come get me as a kid, as a baby because
44:20
they was like, oh, she's so good, she's so this, and
44:22
you know, and she was like, I used to have to call the
44:25
people to bring my baby back because they just didn't want to. You were
44:28
that good of a baby. And she was like, and you're still like
44:30
that today, like the same humble, sweet kind of spirit. So I'm
44:35
paying attention to this and I'm like, wow, holy spirit, why are
44:37
you? Why are you? Why? Why is this the conversation now?
44:40
And it's like he's showing me and revealing me who I am before I got
44:45
introduced to life. You know what I'm saying, those same like characteristics in
44:52
nature is that's that's innately a baby. Like you can't make that up,
44:55
you know what I'm saying. It's not like you take a baby and you
44:58
and you put all these things in there. God did that, so that's
45:01
just naturally what's in there so when we encounter life as we grow up,
45:06
we start to shift and change because we're adapting, you know, we're surviving
45:09
and all these things. But it's so cool, like he literally was He's
45:13
having these conversations just to show me who I am before life happens. So
45:17
it's like he's just trying to I asked, I said, who am I?
45:21
And he's literally showing me that. And you know that's just the beauty
45:24
of when you really just surrender. That's something that that apparently I had control
45:30
issues. I had to lay that to speak too. So as I'm surrendering,
45:34
that's a daily thing. It's not just hell once, once and done
45:36
kind of thing. Is yeah, we're constantly journeying with the Lord, and
45:38
he wants to be there with us, right, he wants he wants,
45:43
he wants to be there with us because it's like I created you, like
45:45
like me, like with my nature, with my with with as my image.
45:50
So why would I not want to be with me? You know what
45:53
I'm saying? And girl, girl, girl, girl, desiree, why
46:02
wouldn't he want to be with himself? Wh wouldn't he want to be on
46:07
himself? Because God like him? He liked him. He liked him so
46:13
much that he created. Like, that's what, that's the gag. He
46:15
liked him so much that he created. He liked himselfself. He liked himself
46:22
so much, he earned himself so much that he sacrificed himself for himself.
46:29
Like that's so Desiree really thought she wouldn't didn't have no word in her bility
46:32
today. I'm just saying, I mean, but does it? That's good?
46:37
That's good. Like and then if you okay, So I just she
46:45
said, she brought up not now my story is full, she said,
46:52
Genesis one, twenty six. And good job. I'm remembering the exact scripture
46:58
that you need. This is NLT says. Then God said, let us
47:02
make human beings in our image to be like us. They will rain over
47:09
the fish in the sea, and the birds in the sky, the livestalk,
47:15
all the wild animals on the earth, and small animals let scurry along
47:20
the ground. So God, this is twenty seven. So God created human
47:23
beings in his home image, in the image of God. He created them
47:29
male and female. He created them twenty eight says. Then God blessed them
47:35
and said, be fruitful and multiplied. Feel the earth and govern it rain
47:42
over the fish in the sea, and the birds in the sky, and
47:45
all animals that scurry along the ground. Twenty nine. Then God says,
47:51
look, I have given you every sea bearing plant throughout the earth, and
47:55
all the fruit trees for your food. And I have given every green plant
48:02
as food for all the wild animals, the birds in the sky, and
48:07
the small animals that scurry along the ground, everything that has life. And
48:12
that that is what happened. Then God looked over all he had made,
48:16
and he saw that it was very good. And evening passed, and morning
48:22
came, marking the sixth day. That part where he says, where it
48:29
says, let me go back twenty six, where it says, then God
48:37
said, let us make human beings in our image. Not only do we
48:42
look like him, he says, to be like us. I don't think
48:51
i've read that like that. Not only did he said, let us make
48:55
human beings in our image. He don't want just something to look like him,
49:00
but he wanted us to resemble him in the being, the doing,
49:05
what we do, what we what we how we exist. And so you're
49:09
right, why wouldn't he want to be be with? This is so good,
49:15
why wouldn't he want to be with us? And the times where I
49:17
felt like a God doesn't want me is because I wasn't looking like God.
49:22
So it wasn't the fact that God didn't want me. I just knew that
49:25
I had to come up to where God is to be, to be in
49:30
the presence so he could like the resemblance, so he could be like,
49:34
it's not that God doesn't want to be. I just know that there's going
49:37
back to the word honor that is required, and the honor that is required
49:43
is to come up. There's a season where God, you know, met
49:46
me where I was or whatever his life was life. And but now that
49:50
I know and I have knowledge, now God is like, now it's time
49:52
for you to come meet me. Man, now that you got the knowledge,
49:55
you're responsible for that. Yeah. And there's been plenty of times where
49:59
I really had to repent for thinking of myself less than anything that God has
50:02
thought about me, Like literally literally like God, you want me to do
50:10
what? He was like, Yeah, Yeah, what do you mean because
50:15
we don't think about it for ourselves. Yeah, we don't think about it
50:20
for ourselves. And I'm like, what pedalstal are you on to think that
50:25
you can think about every good thing for yourself, and then we start Ecclesiastes.
50:32
That's why I just got through reason that probably last week. The thing
50:38
about Ecclesiastes is it brings up, It brings up the wind and chasing the
50:45
wind a lot. If you understand, Ecclesiastes chapter three is infamous for there's
50:52
a time for this, and there's a time for that. Right, But
50:55
I think it was Solomon, if I'm not mistaken, Yeah, rowe Ecclesiastes
51:00
based upon ay. I tried to figure all this time. I asked for
51:04
all this will and ask all this knowledge, and I come to know,
51:07
come to realize that none of these matters. Like he literally had everything like
51:10
you've done, everything, had all the things that he can think about.
51:15
None of this matters. That's what the man of God says. What he
51:17
said, he said, at the end of the day, all of us
51:21
are going to be at the same at the same place, and it's dead.
51:25
He literally said that. But one of the things he kept repeating was
51:30
that excuse me about the wind and not chasing the wind, and fools chase
51:37
the wind, right, And I said, God, why I asked him.
51:39
I said, God, why do you keep bringing up the fact that
51:43
we shouldn't chase the wind? Why do you allow him to say this so
51:45
much? And he says, just if you think about it, what is
51:49
wind? Wind is natural provision. When is gonna blow, When it blows,
51:57
Why chase something that is gonna hit you in anyway? Why chase something
52:01
that already have provided for you? And I go like this, I said,
52:07
Lord, I'm sorry, because there's things that I'm chasing. It's the
52:13
ideas that I'm chasing. But when the time and when it's time for it
52:16
to hit me, it's gonna hit me naturally. Because what you don't want
52:20
is it out of time? It's out of time. Why would I chase
52:22
for one that the wind? The wind is invisible. Okay, so that's
52:27
how if we get this, like we can't see the wind, we can
52:30
only feel it, but we are prepared for it. God prepares us for
52:35
the wind. It's not gonna blow us over. You know. We get
52:37
warnings when the wind is picking up. Right, that's how you get tornadoes
52:40
that you know what I'm saying, I ain't see on typical, don't put
52:44
me on it, but it is right okay, but we get warnings for
52:49
the preparation of the heavy winds. Right, But when we're when we're needing,
52:54
when we're like, Okay, God, I want this, I want
52:57
this. I'm chasing this. No chase after me, stay in me.
53:00
Don't chase after that thing. Because what because you're made in my image and
53:04
you're being like me, child, guess what is gonna naturally hit you?
53:10
It's gonna naturally hit you? What? Hold on, let me find it.
53:15
Matthew h six, Matthew six, what maybe y'all we go to the
53:23
Bible over here, over here, this is where we go to the Bible.
53:30
I think you see. Let me see if I'm right. Let's see.
53:31
Let me see if I know this address speaking of addresses, y'all six
53:37
and thirty three, Matthew six and thirty three, I think I know what
53:44
this is. Go ahead with This is the amplified verse. Amp it up,
53:51
amp it up. But first and most importantly, seek aim at,
53:57
strive after his kingdom and his righteous this his way of doing and being right,
54:02
the attitude and chared of God, and all these things will be given
54:07
to you also. So we're chasing the wind, right, But we're not
54:15
chasing the wind blower. Girl, you a little oiler today. We're not
54:20
chasing the wind blower. If we chase the wind blower, all everything,
54:24
everything we're looking for, everything were chasing after. He's gonna give it to
54:27
you. The wind blow gonna blow. I feel my help coming. She
54:34
a little ailler, they y'all. She was prepared. It's this hell that's
54:38
coming off. This was the prayer. But I was really praying to the
54:42
Lord, go ahead and give Jessica her voice back. She said, thank
54:46
you, Lord Jesus. Yes, she was excited about the boys being bad,
54:52
but I was gonna be right up there on y'all. This is good,
54:55
this is good. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And
55:00
I'm excited. I'm I'm so excited to be on to get a seat real
55:05
close you, real close to what God is already doing. Yeah, yeah,
55:13
I'm excited, y'all. Make sure y'all tell me happy birthday on my
55:15
birthday January twenty j I'm not putting demand on it. If you don't feel
55:21
lead to, that's on you, Jessica. If if people feel ld tell
55:28
them what they can sew into you for your birthday. Oh, y'all can
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really just y'all can sew it, just as the podcast Cash Up. Just
55:37
ask the podcast on cash we got our cash shop, just as the podcast
55:42
this is. This is gonna help us grow and do some things that we're
55:45
looking forward to doing that would be a lovely seed if you sow into,
55:50
just as the podcast have it. If you want to serve with thirty two
55:53
for my birthday, come on thirty two and agree with me on the things
55:58
that are gonna do happen, not for me personally, but everybody that I'm
56:00
attached to, even you, right, I decree and declared, and I'll
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bless you. I bless your seed, and I thank you in advance that
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I am fertile ground. It's an obvious thing people that know me. I
56:15
am very much so fertile ground. And I don't say that boastfully, but
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it's taken me a long time to be okay with that. I I I
56:24
am fertile. I am very fertile. Because the scripture says be fruitful and
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multiplying. We be over here multiplying over here, just as the podcast.
56:35
But thank you. I would have never said that myself. So that was
56:38
that was ring y'all blame y'all blame Desert Ray. All right, you guys,
56:45
thank you for the birthday wishes, thank you for hopping on the podcast,
56:49
and I appreciate you just for your presence. If you will, like
56:52
another gift you can give you you can't, so, so all share so
56:54
alike, show a subscribe buddy, So so your friends need this or something.
57:00
I got a goal ten thousand, ten thousand on YouTube. I'm saying
57:04
it out loud, ten thousand subscribe on YouTube by the end of this year,
57:07
sir, that's the goal. Let's go. So let's go. I
57:09
need your help to do that, and so I love you, I appreciate
57:13
you. Remember, life could be much more simple if you just ask.
57:19
We'll see you next week. Hey, y'all, thank you for listening to
57:27
just ask. If you enjoyed this experience, be sure to like coming and
57:31
rate so others can find the show. If you'd like to stay connected with
57:35
me, feel free to follow me at the Jessica Smith on all platforms.
57:39
Again, I'm your girl, jess Until next time,