Latest / The Christian Reeve Podcast / Noah Martin | The Christian Reeve Podcast | #143 |

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Noah Martin | The Christian Reeve Podcast | #143 | · The Christian Reeve Podcast

• 0:01
  Hello, and welcome to another episode of Christian Reef
• 0:04
  podcast. Today's guest is the founder and
• 0:07
  creator of retrospection. A nostalgic and suspenseful
• 0:11
  Audio Drama, that deals with various different topics.
• 0:14
  He hails all the way from Ohio in the United States.
• 0:18
  His name is Noah, Martin, welcome to the show, knowing how
• 0:21
  you doing, I'm doing. Well, thanks for having me on
• 0:23
  this morning. It's a little bit earlier than
• 0:28
  most people might do, but I really, You being flexible with
• 0:31
  that? No.
• 0:32
  No, I appreciate it. I'll see you here in the UK.
• 0:35
  It's about 2 p.m. In the afternoon.
• 0:39
  I'm very used to this whole time zones thing like, you know for
• 0:42
  anyone outside of the podcasting loop.
• 0:44
  I mean, this is very regular isn't it for podcast is it's
• 0:48
  like, oh what what time zone you in what time zone you're in and
• 0:51
  it's funny. Sometimes you get people that
• 0:52
  you reach out to and you're like, oh, where are you located?
• 0:55
  And they're B kg. They're like, what do you want
• 0:57
  to know where I live and it's like because there's going to be
• 1:00
  a times. Indifference and I don't want to
• 1:02
  end up doing my podcast at 2 a.m.
• 1:04
  So, you know, sometimes you have to make those sacrifices fair
• 1:08
  enough but a lot of the time you can just about make it works its
• 1:13
  pants, but between between yeah the Ohio, that's the good part
• 1:19
  of the time zone thing, isn't it?
• 1:20
  Because you're on the East Coast never eat Shredded Wheat?
• 1:23
  Yeah, East Coast. Yeah.
• 1:25
  Yeah. I'm on the East Coast or close
• 1:27
  enough to the east coast technically were called.
• 1:30
  Wes. But at this point what even is
• 1:33
  the Midwest? Like we're not West we're west
• 1:36
  of the East Coast but we're not in the middle of America like
• 1:39
  we're mid-east if anything that stuff just confuses.
• 1:44
  I mean I was never good at geography anyway, it's cool.
• 1:47
  But like when they start saying Midwest Southwest its light,
• 1:50
  look north south west east or middle middle that if you just
• 1:55
  say, mid-middle, ugh, I had a singular class that was
• 2:05
  dedicated to learning the geography of the Middle East.
• 2:10
  Oh Hans. It was just in high school and
• 2:14
  it was one of those things that why did I need to know that like
• 2:18
  it. I don't care what country's
• 2:20
  north of what country and like, you know, to the east of the
• 2:23
  other one at the end of the day it's like yeah, I know
• 2:25
  geography. But Why sometimes like I
• 2:31
  sometimes I wonder if schools just get a kick out of teaching
• 2:35
  people stuff that they're never gonna find necessary like they
• 2:38
  because they teach you the basics, they teach you the
• 2:40
  things that you know, to read to write Etc like yeah, that's
• 2:44
  unique that but then they start just going into like who've
• 2:47
  Pythagoras Theorem. And here's this pointless
• 2:50
  knowledge that you're never going to need to know.
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  And it's like you can't you just teach me how to do taxes or
• 2:57
  teach? Me how to I don't know like how
• 3:00
  inflation's going to fuck me in the ass later or, you know, just
• 3:03
  let me know like part of my language but it's, you know what
• 3:06
  I mean? It's like these basic things.
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  Like they should just have a life class life skills class
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  where they just teach you how to just live.
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  Like, hey, here's how you iron your clothes.
• 3:18
  Or, I don't know. It's just, like, all of that
• 3:21
  stuff got cut from my high school and when I was in high
• 3:25
  school, I decided to do that type of stuff.
• 3:27
  Like join the theater department and I did sewing, and I made
• 3:31
  dresses and I made suits and all these things that nobody else
• 3:35
  knows how to do anymore. I learned a lot of tech stuff,
• 3:39
  but one of the things that going into college communication as
• 3:43
  part of my degree, the ability to talk with other people who
• 3:46
  have conversations read. All of these nonverbal cues that
• 3:50
  people are giving and those are life skills that have made me a
• 3:55
  better conversationalist And somebody who could actually hold
• 3:59
  the conversation with other people and have a good time with
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  it. Because in modern society, what
• 4:05
  I've learned from other people is that most people don't
• 4:08
  actually know how to talk to you.
• 4:10
  Most people, if you walk up to them and say, hey, how was your
• 4:12
  day? They say fine and that
• 4:15
  immediately kills the conversation because, well,
• 4:18
  there's nothing to go off. If you say fine, it's like okay
• 4:21
  well why is it fine? And why is it all these things?
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  And if I even if just the general I had learned basic
• 4:29
  communication skills in school like the idea of hey you walk up
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  to Bobby and you say this thing, he responds this way.
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  Think about it. How would you respond?
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  How would you act like that type of stuff?
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  I've realized is something that we learned growing up and being
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  socialized. However, the ideas behind it is
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  something that started falling out especially when it comes to,
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  you know, the younger generation.
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  Which I'm a part of, but when it comes to being able to talk with
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  other people, it's gotten harder and harder for people to just
• 5:05
  walk up and say, hey, what's life?
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  Like, and then for that person to respond like, you know,
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  today's rough woke up on the wrong side of the bed, we
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  promoted that in society. I would be a much happier
• 5:19
  person. You know, there's various
• 5:23
  aspects to this that I think are important to know what the me.
• 5:27
  Will be the major one being that.
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  I think a lot of times especially here in, well, I
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  can't speak for the whole of the UK, because I must say, when I
• 5:34
  moved up to the north of the UK, I found that people are much
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  more outgoing and nice and friendly excetera, but when I
• 5:41
  lived in London and I always I always call it.
• 5:44
  Big City syndrome. I reckon it's probably the same
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  in New York and, you know, Moscow, whatever wear when
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  you're in a big city. You're always kind of like
• 5:52
  looking over your shoulder a little bit and at least, when I
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  was growing up in London, My kind of thing was growing up
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  with not like paranoia all the time.
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  Makes it sound like really over-the-top, but let me put it
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  this way when someone would ask, how are you?
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  I'm a friendly guy. But like at the same time, I
• 6:15
  would always questioned their motives in my head.
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  I'd be like, well, why does this person want to know?
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  What do they want? And like, sometimes people are
• 6:21
  just asking you like, hey, how's it going?
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  Like, because they care or because they just want to, you
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  know, start some conversation but that's the problem that when
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  you've got that fear in your head, or, you know, you think
• 6:33
  someone's trying to mess mess with you or, or maybe you're the
• 6:37
  butt of a joke. I mean, for example, in this
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  modern society, Society that we live in now, everyone's got
• 6:42
  fucking camera, you know you? Well, that's the thing.
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  You don't know, if you're going to be just randomly part of a
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  meme without your fucking concern or, you know, like, you
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  better videos, I've seen online where people have just been
• 6:55
  living their life and then they get, you know, but here's a
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  really good example, okay. And okay, fair enough.
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  It's a celebrity, but it kind of illustrates my point.
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  There was a Tick-Tock video. I saw the other day, where a guy
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  was like, a petrol station. Or something gal gas station if
• 7:13
  you're in America. And so that's just a little
• 7:16
  dick. That's typically what you call
• 7:19
  it for you. He's a gas station.
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  I think he's like foreign guy as in like he's I think it's Middle
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  East or something and on the floor working on his car is Mel
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  Gibson. And it was this pretty surreal
• 7:37
  in a sense that obviously celebrities are just normal
• 7:39
  people but You know, it's pretty still pretty sure.
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  I'll my God this fucking Mel Gibson just working on his car.
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  And here's the brilliant thing and this was just this sums this
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  up perfectly. So he's basically talking to
• 7:51
  this guy and be like, oh my God, Mel Gibson and asking them
• 7:54
  questions and Mel Gibson's been really patient and nice but like
• 7:59
  clearly a bit like I'm struggling with this car buddy.
• 8:02
  Like, you know, don't appreciate the camera in my face but he's
• 8:05
  not being me. You know, he knows he's on
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  cameras is got a be not but he's being nice.
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  And to be fair, the guy eventually, I think the final
• 8:13
  thing he said to him is he gave him a little tongue-in-cheek,
• 8:16
  comment, and then said, okay going to help me with this car
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  and then he was okay. And he put the phone down, but
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  it's like when you my point is, when you've got a situation like
• 8:27
  that where you just have like a camera up in your face or, you
• 8:30
  know, sometimes you just don't want to speak or sometimes
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  you're fearful of what might happen.
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  Or, you know, there's so many factors and and even being like
• 8:39
  a just a good conversationalist. It in general.
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  Like I think it takes time and experience like II can honestly
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  say that doing this podcast over the close to two years now has
• 8:51
  really helped my conversation skills, particularly in the
• 8:55
  listening area. But it's a work in progress and
• 8:59
  every person you talk to is completely different and has
• 9:02
  like a completely different social skills, maybe they're
• 9:06
  lacking in some areas, maybe they're really good, you know,
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  like everyone's different and you.
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  You got a kind of like adapt to that almost like water.
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  Like, you know, you gotta adapt to everyone try and make it
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  work, you know. Yeah, I was brought up on good
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  conversational skills, that was something I always learned.
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  And so that's something that I have learned to.
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  I'd started a livestream interview podcast.
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  And then I was like, I don't really like live streaming that
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  money and you know, I like the interviews but I don't like
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  doing that every single week because I'm somebody who works
• 9:45
  ahead so much that like my episodes are ready to go.
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  So far ahead in time and these episodes I have to do weekly and
• 9:53
  you know, that's just not my personality, but I have a hard
• 9:56
  worker. I just plan ahead too much and
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  the end of the day I have studied the whole bunch of stuff
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  in college, a whole bunch of different things.
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  And another part of my degree, that's not communication is
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  journalism. And one of the things we talked
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  about in journalism was The legality like what things are
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  legal, what things you can and can't do what you can and can't
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  record any of that. And that's extremely important
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  in modern day to know your rights.
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  I don't know what the laws are in the UK because never actually
• 10:31
  had to study UK besides history. But from laws in the u.s. your
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  ability to record other people is Relatively free, like if
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  they're in a public place you can record them and you can post
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  it online. You can do that type of stuff
• 10:55
  which goes over well sometimes and not well, for other times.
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  So like it's great when it comes to celebrities, especially if
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  they're doing bad things to their fans, like Ezra Miller.
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  two years ago or whatever, the guy who plays The Flash in the
• 11:10
  DC, Comics movies was like he was drunk or something, he was
• 11:14
  just absolutely rude to a fan and That's all on video.
• 11:20
  You can see all of that and something like that needs to be
• 11:24
  out there for the public to see, at least, in my opinion, for the
• 11:27
  public to see because then you get to see that true side of
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  that person that, you know. But that's the thing that I just
• 11:34
  want to jump in on that. Like, you don't know, you don't
• 11:37
  know the context though, like, in the guy, could have pardon my
• 11:40
  language that motherfucking before her like five minutes.
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  Before you put the camera to his face, the mingoes, oh, look,
• 11:44
  he's such a jerk. And it's like, well, yeah, it's
• 11:46
  gonna be a jerk if you call him an asshole.
• 11:48
  Hole and prod him all night, you know, something to think about.
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  That's, that's something that I wish.
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  Just wish in general, people were able to have easier access
• 12:03
  to is the context of stuff that happens.
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  Like, a lot of the times, what ends up happening is this really
• 12:10
  bad event and then people see it or they read the title or, you
• 12:14
  know, they watch the first 15 seconds and they see all these
• 12:17
  awful things. I'm like, oh my God.
• 12:19
  This man just got shot or this person just punched someone else
• 12:22
  in the face. Because the person walked up and
• 12:24
  said, huh, you've got funny eyebrows or, you know, for
• 12:27
  whatever reason, but then not being able to understand or see
• 12:31
  the context behind it, is this devastating sometimes.
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  So I 100% agree there. I'm somebody who's very for the
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  idea of that freedom of being able to record and see things.
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  But I'm also somebody D that advocates for, if that is going
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  to happen, we need to know why that happens.
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  Instead of just it happened because context is everything.
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  Truly is and I remember, are you always used to get annoyed
• 13:01
  growing up seeing interviews where one, the sorry when people
• 13:05
  would say celebrities would be like, oh, well, you know, it was
• 13:09
  taken out of context, it's taking that context.
• 13:11
  It always to me, felt like they were just using that as an
• 13:14
  excuse like. Oh, you know, it's, that's not
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  really how it works. Pause and that kind of to me
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  felt like a cop-out but now all these years later realizing like
• 13:25
  because sometimes that people will post like a context video
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  where it shows you what happened before an event you know.
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  Oh oh. And then that suddenly changes
• 13:33
  your whole perception on the event.
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  And as you say it's context is King its key, it's so important.
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  So journalism in general, one of the things that we are taught
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  What about is ethics? Which I don't know if that's
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  really still practiced anymore or at least the ethics that I'm
• 13:55
  learning in school. And then next year idea of
• 13:59
  getting clicks. And like, having people look at
• 14:02
  your stuff because, ultimately, you do want an interesting title
• 14:06
  that will make you stand out from other people, but you also
• 14:08
  want to give factual information which, by the way, just side
• 14:12
  note for me, I hate journalism, just it's part of my degree.
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  So this, the irony of me talk Journalism, but just what you
• 14:20
  hate it so much. Well, so, I am a narrative
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  writer. And I'm somebody who tells a
• 14:28
  story, I give a lot of detail. I can describe a scene and
• 14:32
  journalism is not that way. Journalism is this happened at
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  this location, then this happened.
• 14:38
  Then this happened. It's a very factual.
• 14:40
  It's very like one to two-sentence paragraphs and very
• 14:44
  quick. And for me, I'm somebody who's
• 14:47
  like Not interested in that. I just that's not my writing
• 14:51
  style and I don't enjoy it. And so and that and I don't
• 14:55
  really like chasing leads and following all of that because at
• 15:00
  the end of the day, what I do is I create my own stories and you
• 15:06
  know, it just not a huge fan of Journalism, it's not really
• 15:11
  necessarily the media itself, it's just not the thing I liked
• 15:16
  learning about. I get that.
• 15:19
  Yeah, and sometimes you get that especially like my degree is a
• 15:24
  hybrid degree of like video and audio in journalism and
• 15:29
  storytelling and all of these different things.
• 15:31
  So, I'm pretty well-rounded but, you know, I still have to take
• 15:36
  classes. I don't like it's coming back.
• 15:39
  The communication side of your degree.
• 15:41
  Like what are the key things you actually learn as far as
• 15:46
  communicating, like like what would surprise us from that
• 15:50
  degree? Lot of what have you actually
• 15:51
  learned? That's actually useful for
• 15:53
  communication. So I'd say the most interesting,
• 15:58
  the first thing that has stuck with me is public speaking.
• 16:02
  I took a class that required me to memorize speeches and stand
• 16:07
  up in front of 30 people. I have I have no idea who they
• 16:10
  were, and then say hi, I'm Noah. I was born in Baltimore,
• 16:14
  Maryland. And I'm partially deaf in my
• 16:16
  left ear. And I have essential tremors
• 16:19
  that cause my hands to shake at random times.
• 16:22
  And sometimes I can't even hold a gallon of milk and then the
• 16:25
  people are sitting there in the audience.
• 16:27
  Like, alright, this person's now, interesting, but I have to
• 16:30
  learn to be vulnerable with the audience to get them interested
• 16:34
  in what I'm going to be talking about, especially if what I'm
• 16:37
  talking about is me. So that's one of the things I've
• 16:41
  learned through public speaking is the way to make a connection
• 16:45
  is by being human. If you are somebody who walks up
• 16:49
  and you're like, I'm gonna tell you about why this computer is
• 16:52
  amazing but the audience doesn't know who you are and what your
• 16:55
  credentials are and why you should be talking about it, then
• 17:00
  you know what's it matter. You're just another guy talking
• 17:04
  about this really cool new computer.
• 17:07
  That's such a good point. Actually, I thought about this a
• 17:10
  lot over actually over the course of just doing the podcast
• 17:15
  and everything. I've been doing online acting
• 17:17
  Etc and I've said often in live streams in the past that one of
• 17:21
  the reasons why it's so difficult to grow a following
• 17:24
  and become someone that people would want to listen to and
• 17:28
  stuff like that is because people don't know who you are,
• 17:32
  you know? Like, it's no one cares, like
• 17:34
  you could be the best speaker ever, you could do the Yes,
• 17:36
  possibly podcast of all time, or be the best public speaker ever,
• 17:41
  but if no one's heard of you or doesn't know why they should
• 17:43
  care, then they'll just whatever, you know.
• 17:47
  And there would be, you know, how it is.
• 17:48
  Like, I mean, I always think about like, oh maybe the podcast
• 17:52
  would would, you know, go Leaps and Bounds if someone would give
• 17:55
  me a shout out but why why, why would that change things?
• 18:00
  And when you think about it, that when you actually break it
• 18:02
  down, as to what that means, one person A who's who is a somebody
• 18:10
  is then saying to Their audience.
• 18:13
  Here's why you should care about this person.
• 18:16
  And then those people go and check that out and then they
• 18:18
  discover for themselves. But it's not necessarily those
• 18:23
  people that you'll directly gaining from that other person.
• 18:28
  It's more that they've given you like, their stamp of approval
• 18:31
  and of kind of said, this is why you should care exactly from
• 18:38
  what I've learned in life. You can use descriptor
• 18:44
  descriptors to say, thanks about yourself.
• 18:46
  I'm a Storyteller. I'm a podcaster.
• 18:48
  I'm a music Creator, you know, and I am an audio engineer.
• 18:53
  I'm a video editor. I'm a cinematographer, I'm a
• 18:55
  photographer. But at the end of the day, I am
• 18:58
  Noah, Martin and so, a lot of people who are super deep and
• 19:04
  philosophical, but it's true because I don't know how big
• 19:09
  into YouTube you are, but variety gaming is Huge.
• 19:12
  The gaming industry has a lot of money and especially YouTube
• 19:16
  Gamers can get a lot of money and when you look at the top
• 19:19
  Gamers Markiplier jacksepticeye call me Kevin RT game.
• 19:23
  PewDiePie all of those people aren't ninja.
• 19:28
  They're not One Gamer that plays only a singular game and they're
• 19:32
  known for I guess they were known for the reaction videos
• 19:34
  back in the day but now they're all variety gaming channels and
• 19:38
  the reason they have an audience is because there True to
• 19:42
  themselves, like a couple of years ago, when Markiplier's
• 19:45
  friend, committed suicide, or he went to the hospital, he just
• 19:48
  did Vlogs showing that he's a human and like, he didn't feel
• 19:53
  good and he said, I need to take a break.
• 19:56
  Same thing for, you know, call me.
• 20:00
  Kevin, occasionally has a vlog that says, yeah, I'm doing these
• 20:04
  new things. I'm trying these new things
• 20:06
  because I want to try these new different things and like for
• 20:09
  him, he's one of my favorites to watch.
• 20:11
  He You doing parody music inside of his gaming videos, which is
• 20:16
  something that you don't see. A lot of other people do.
• 20:19
  A lot of the times those songs are released as other things,
• 20:23
  but the thing is, I'm interested more in him, in his personality
• 20:27
  and the way he reacts to the games, as opposed to the actual
• 20:30
  games, he plays, Italy reminds me of this documentary style
• 20:37
  video that I saw the other day was a five-hour video.
• 20:41
  Yeah, it was basically, the name of the video is the rise and
• 20:48
  fall of AVGN. Or I've always known as The
• 20:51
  Angry Video Game Nerd, which is a popular YouTube character from
• 20:57
  sort of the mid-2000s that had, I mean, still exists. this day,
• 21:03
  I think they just did like episode 201 or something and
• 21:07
  this particular video, Accurately, kind of shows you
• 21:13
  how successful it was at its peak.
• 21:15
  And then why it kind of dropped and why it stopped being as good
• 21:20
  as it previously was and obviously is an opinion, you
• 21:23
  know, there's still plenty of people that will Discover it now
• 21:25
  and be like, oh, it's just as good as it ever was and people
• 21:28
  die, hard fans and Etc. But I think the interesting
• 21:30
  point in the reason I raise this is that the guy behind the
• 21:33
  character James Rolfe Is a very passionate filmmaker.
• 21:38
  And when he did his movie of the series, The Angry Video Game
• 21:45
  Nerd movie. It unfortunately flop didn't do
• 21:48
  as well as you'd hoped and you put so much time and effort and
• 21:51
  resources into this movie and you could really tell that for
• 21:55
  him. It was like A deeply personal
• 22:00
  thing and then when it didn't work, I think that apart of that
• 22:03
  kind of broken little bit, you know?
• 22:05
  Because it would you know, that if you go and do that thing that
• 22:08
  you're really passionate about, you put your heart and soul into
• 22:11
  it. It doesn't work out like where
• 22:12
  do you go from there? And one of the things they were
• 22:15
  saying, in this particular video, is that the AVGN
• 22:18
  character video was kind of like a, just a joke thing.
• 22:21
  When it first started that his friend Mike matei, kind of
• 22:26
  pushed him to continue doing He saw something in it and James
• 22:32
  was never particularly invested in the character like as in like
• 22:37
  long-term like you know, obviously he did the few videos
• 22:40
  and then he saw the reaction and he kept doing more and yeah, he
• 22:43
  obviously showcased his filmmaking talents within those
• 22:46
  videos and did really well with that and still does but he was,
• 22:53
  you could tell. He's always been more passionate
• 22:54
  about the other things outside of that and And now he's in this
• 22:59
  unique spot where it's like, he's kind of stuck doing this
• 23:03
  thing, that his audience expects him to do, which is this AVGN
• 23:06
  character because that's what and to money and keeps it going.
• 23:10
  And now there's a company that owns that entity, they own that,
• 23:15
  and he's essentially like an employee as a weird situation,
• 23:18
  because he sold off his company Cinemassacre years ago, to this
• 23:22
  company called screen wave media.
• 23:25
  There's been a lot of online stuff about this about how the
• 23:28
  Actions change and how it's not as good since their involvement
• 23:31
  etc. Etc.
• 23:32
  But the point is he's passion versus what he has to do.
• 23:38
  Now I like two very different things and it's made it
• 23:42
  difficult to continue doing that and you know we were talking
• 23:47
  about passion and you you gave some examples of different
• 23:50
  YouTubers that you know they take a step away and they do
• 23:53
  things that they love and you know they pursue those things
• 23:57
  and sometimes the Would that is your audience?
• 24:00
  I like no no no you need to do this.
• 24:03
  This is what we know you for. This is what we expect of you
• 24:05
  and that's a tricky place to be in and that's also one of the
• 24:08
  reasons why I've always been a multi.
• 24:13
  Creator or whatever you want to call it multi pod, something
• 24:15
  like that. Because for me it's like not
• 24:17
  just about needing to do that. It's because I don't ever want
• 24:20
  to get pigeonholed and like old. This is the only thing I'm
• 24:22
  allowed to do. It's like now, I'll do whatever
• 24:24
  I want like and humans we should always be able to do whatever we
• 24:27
  want. You know, even if the audience
• 24:29
  expectation is you have to do this, it's like, no I do.
• 24:32
  What makes me happy because that's what really matters.
• 24:36
  So, I mean, a lot of channels went through that CinemaSins
• 24:40
  Smosh to name too bad lip reading.
• 24:44
  So the idea behind it is once you get famous for this certain
• 24:52
  thing, you a lot of people do pigeonhole.
• 24:55
  They just start going down that path.
• 24:57
  Saying, well, I got famous for this, I'm going to keep doing
• 24:59
  this and getting my money from it and then they hit the point
• 25:02
  where Nobody cares anymore or you know, you you lose all your
• 25:07
  views to become stale, all of this stuff and a lot of those
• 25:10
  people just stop or they keep doing it, keep doing it until
• 25:14
  that thing that they loved. They now hate, which is why I
• 25:18
  bring up Smosh because that's what happened to Anthony.
• 25:22
  That was one of his interviews was once they started becoming
• 25:25
  more corporate sized. He just hated it that passion
• 25:29
  that they had when they were younger doing things.
• 25:32
  It just wasn't there anymore. Or because you had to do this,
• 25:36
  you had to do this, you had to do this, and I'm somebody who
• 25:39
  struggles with imposter syndrome, which is something
• 25:41
  we're basically everything. I do will never be good enough.
• 25:46
  I'm always striving for Perfection, but I will never
• 25:48
  reach Perfection. And, you know, I see my
• 25:51
  therapist about it and I talked about it and it's something I'm
• 25:55
  actively working towards doing, but something that I've learned
• 25:58
  from all of the work to dedication, I put into
• 26:01
  podcasting I put in probably 30. 30 to 40 hours a week on top of
• 26:06
  full-time School, part-time job in a part-time internship.
• 26:10
  And the thing I've learned from it is I do what I like because
• 26:15
  at the end of the day, people are coming for me, the
• 26:18
  ever-present narrator or the ever-present post, whatever you
• 26:21
  want to say, and they're coming for the content that I produce.
• 26:24
  But the content that I produce is from my interest, in my
• 26:27
  passion. So, like a week ago, I did
• 26:30
  something on the mental health behind the Slender, Man,
• 26:33
  stabbing, that happened. 10 ish years ago, this week I did the
• 26:36
  life and history of Orson Welles next week, I'll have my actually
• 26:40
  young next week. I'll have the next episode of my
• 26:43
  Audio Drama produced and that's the thing I've learned is if
• 26:47
  you're not living the life that you want to live, if you're not
• 26:50
  doing something that you love, what's the point of doing it?
• 26:54
  Because we're just, we're here to live and whether you believe
• 26:58
  in, you know, God and going to heaven, or if you believe in
• 27:03
  reincarnation or any Of these things.
• 27:05
  At the end of the day, all of that is still uncertain and YOLO
• 27:09
  you only live one life and with that life you live you might as
• 27:14
  well enjoy it because what's the point of living life if you're
• 27:18
  not enjoying life in degree mole and wolf Roebuck?
• 27:22
  Holy cow. Yeah, let's there's two
• 27:26
  different directions you can go down with that.
• 27:27
  But first, I think for now I want to focus on more on this
• 27:30
  imposter syndrome thing because this is some of the stuff that
• 27:33
  you saw about line. In your notes to me and
• 27:35
  originally before we did this show and it kind of stood out to
• 27:39
  me. I mean I think it's something
• 27:40
  that many of us probably suffer with or have suffered with at
• 27:43
  some point or another virtually if your content creator but what
• 27:47
  can you tell us like? Okay let's let's assume none of
• 27:50
  us know anything about in impostor syndrome.
• 27:52
  What is imposter syndrome? How does it affect your life and
• 27:57
  how do you manage it and overcome it on a daily basis?
• 28:01
  So, imposter syndrome is. The feeling of never being good
• 28:09
  enough, everything you do is always a failure or you might do
• 28:14
  something and you might get that enjoyment for it and then you
• 28:18
  review it. You know, five minutes later
• 28:20
  five weeks later and it wasn't good.
• 28:22
  It was bad. And so basically you are being
• 28:27
  chased by your own shadow and your own shadow is constantly at
• 28:31
  your heels and telling you you're not good.
• 28:34
  You're not good enough. And it's something that I've had
• 28:38
  for a long time but never actually knew what it was until
• 28:41
  I did an interview podcast with someone who does ADHD or has
• 28:46
  ADHD apparent with ADHD. And that's something that a lot
• 28:50
  of ADHD people struggle from and also a lot of women because one
• 28:56
  core part of imposter syndrome is constantly comparing yourself
• 29:00
  to other people. And that is something that
• 29:03
  especially in high school That happens a lot.
• 29:07
  It happens a lot for guys, very passionate about, like men's
• 29:10
  mental, health and suicide, awareness and all that stuff.
• 29:13
  But also happens a lot for women.
• 29:15
  What ends up happening is grow, will see someone else, who
• 29:18
  skinnier, or they think is prettier.
• 29:20
  And then, they'll live with this constant nagging at the back of
• 29:24
  their mind that they're not as good as that person.
• 29:28
  They're not as beautiful as that person.
• 29:29
  They're not as skinny as that person.
• 29:32
  And they will then start working towards becoming That way or
• 29:37
  live with this depression, this guilt that, they're not good
• 29:40
  enough. And so you know it happens to
• 29:42
  everyone, I'm a man, it's happening to me but it happens
• 29:46
  in different ways to different people.
• 29:48
  So for me, when it comes to the work that I do, What happens is?
• 29:54
  I will sit down and I always go back and look over my workload,
• 29:58
  look over my scripts and say, how can I improve, how can I get
• 30:01
  better? But a lot of the times, it's
• 30:03
  through this negative lens. It's not through the idea of how
• 30:07
  can I do this? Get better so I can make better
• 30:09
  content for other people. It's how can I do this to get
• 30:12
  better? So that way, I don't suck.
• 30:15
  So what ends up happening is I will create something that I'm
• 30:21
  proud of and I'll get that nice little dose of Zen.
• 30:23
  Tone. And then be like, yes, I did it,
• 30:26
  this was awesome. And then five minutes later I'll
• 30:29
  go well I could have done this better, I could have done that
• 30:32
  differently and I could have done this could have done, this
• 30:35
  should have would have could have stuff and then that
• 30:38
  continues dogging at my mind. Until I look at something and
• 30:41
  say, God this site and so that especially comes to podcasting
• 30:48
  but it also comes to my normal life.
• 30:50
  I get I'm a four-point .65 GPA or 3.65 GPA.
• 30:58
  I get pretty much all A's. I have scholarships pretty much
• 31:02
  a full ride to college coming out.
• 31:03
  Debt-free all of these really amazing things, but when I say
• 31:09
  that, I feel nothing, I don't feel accomplished.
• 31:11
  I don't feel good about myself. That I'm doing something that a
• 31:15
  lot of other people can do. I know things.
• 31:17
  People don't know. I'm a professional audio
• 31:19
  engineer. Like I, I go I take pictures and
• 31:23
  I Sell them on stock images, like I'm doing these things that
• 31:26
  other people want to do and might never be able to do or
• 31:29
  have no idea how to pursue. But I don't feel good from it,
• 31:34
  and that's because there's my shadow.
• 31:37
  This other me, that tells me, I'm not good enough, and I never
• 31:42
  will be. And so a lot of people struggle
• 31:46
  from that a lot of creative struggle from that, because
• 31:48
  they'll see this work that they do, like for instance, Angry
• 31:52
  Video Game Nerd. That passion project that he
• 31:55
  made that thing that he loved so much, and other people didn't
• 32:00
  like it and that helped him realize, oh God, I did this
• 32:04
  wrong. I did it poorly.
• 32:05
  I think, you know, I can't speak for what his emotions actually
• 32:08
  were but from the story it sounds like he probably
• 32:11
  experienced a lot of fat and sometimes it's other people that
• 32:14
  help you, you know, bring about this.
• 32:17
  I'm not good enough and sometimes it's just yourself.
• 32:20
  And so for me, what are the things that I, What are the
• 32:26
  steps? I take to get better.
• 32:28
  Good question. I just recognized this issue
• 32:33
  Within Myself, about a month ago.
• 32:35
  So, the first thing I did was seek therapy which is makes
• 32:40
  sense, but a lot of men have trouble seeking therapy and
• 32:45
  talking about their emotions and being out there.
• 32:47
  And one of the things I stress throughout my Audio Drama
• 32:50
  throughout my interviews throughout the stories that I
• 32:52
  tell is, it's okay to not be okay.
• 32:56
  This idea of being that perfect And you know, super hot, super
• 33:00
  muscular willing to sacrifice yourself for the good of others
• 33:04
  and like this really really Macho Man you can be that.
• 33:08
  But there's also something that's a part of men that people
• 33:11
  don't see as much for me. I'm a huge Lord of the Rings fan
• 33:16
  and in The Fellowship of the Ring when Boromir is dying.
• 33:21
  We see Aragorn who I consider to be one of the like most perfect
• 33:25
  depictions of a man ever. He's running around all bad.
• 33:28
  Badass. These stamps people, he chops
• 33:30
  off heads, he just looks really cool.
• 33:32
  And the next thing he does is he watched up to Boromir makes a
• 33:35
  promise that he will follow the destiny and become the man that
• 33:39
  Boromir wants or wanted him to be.
• 33:41
  And then he cries and we see those tears, like, go down his
• 33:46
  face as he cries for the loss of his brother.
• 33:50
  They didn't make him any less of a man, it just meant that
• 33:53
  showing his emotions, made that moment, even more powerful for
• 33:56
  his character and it showed He was a real man.
• 34:01
  And so, you know, it's important to seek therapy and it's
• 34:05
  important to understand to talk about your emotions, because
• 34:07
  that's what makes you human. So, that was the first thing I
• 34:11
  did was I sought therapy and I have been actively working in
• 34:18
  multiple different ways to get better.
• 34:20
  One of the first things I have started doing it is stopping
• 34:25
  deadlines, like, or put Them further out, I should say,
• 34:30
  giving myself a lot more time to do something.
• 34:32
  So that way, I can sit down, take a break from it, come back
• 34:36
  and instead of being like well, this sucks, I should have ended
• 34:39
  it better. Instead I can sit down and say,
• 34:41
  all right, I did this the first time it was good, I was happy
• 34:46
  with it. Now I need to make it a little
• 34:49
  bit better to the point where I'm 100% satisfied which for
• 34:55
  some people that works for some people.
• 34:56
  It doesn't because ultimately Like for me what that used to do
• 35:00
  was I would spiral and I would keep working at it and keep
• 35:03
  working on it and keep working on it.
• 35:04
  And you know, it's still being posture system in some impostor
• 35:08
  syndrome anyways. But the really important thing
• 35:12
  is understanding yourself and loving yourself first, which I
• 35:18
  struggle with that a lot, but I've gotten a lot better.
• 35:20
  So the idea is when you have that shadow dogging at your
• 35:26
  heels trying to tell you, you're not Not good enough, you take a
• 35:29
  step back, you walk out of the room, you go for a walk, you do
• 35:32
  whatever you need to to say, okay, I'm hearing what I'm
• 35:37
  saying to myself. Why, and that question of why of
• 35:43
  sitting down and thinking? Well, why am I saying this to
• 35:47
  myself? Was it?
• 35:48
  Because of my upbringing? Because for me, I would someone
• 35:51
  who would cry if I got it, be in middle school and high school
• 35:55
  because grades were so important to me and to my family that I
• 36:02
  needed to, I needed to be perfect in every way.
• 36:05
  And so that imposter syndrome started I was younger and then
• 36:09
  I'd start comparing myself to other men.
• 36:11
  So what ended up happening was? I lost a whole bunch of weight.
• 36:14
  Once I hit college and then covid hit I became really
• 36:17
  depressed. I gained back all my weight and
• 36:19
  so imposter syndrome sets in, I say wama, I used to actually
• 36:23
  look at what attractive and now I am heavier than I ever was
• 36:28
  even in high school and I'm more unattractive than I ever was.
• 36:32
  And now the work that I do isn't good enough.
• 36:33
  And now, you know, I'm not a good enough podcaster because I
• 36:37
  can't meet these other I can't do all of these things that I
• 36:40
  want do. And so the next very important
• 36:45
  thing that I'm still working on is when I feel those feelings
• 36:51
  saying, wait, hold on. Okay, I let's say, wait, I don't
• 36:56
  like my weight. You know, I hit 235 pounds when
• 37:00
  I was in high school. The heaviest I ever was, was 215
• 37:03
  pounds. I don't know what that is.
• 37:05
  Translated to, you know, metric system.
• 37:08
  But uh I hate it that and I used to be able to run 8 Miles like
• 37:14
  and I used to have muscle when I used to have all of these
• 37:16
  things. But I've lost nine pounds since
• 37:20
  I started working out again. Now I'm 226 pounds and I'm still
• 37:24
  as heavy as I heavier than I ever was, but I've gotten
• 37:28
  better. I've done, I've lost 9 pounds.
• 37:30
  I'm working towards that goal and it's the, the ability to
• 37:36
  look at yourself and change that thought and to just kind of slap
• 37:40
  yourself in the face and say, no, no, hold on, hold on. sure,
• 37:43
  235 pounds, you're heavier than you ever were but but You've
• 37:48
  been working on it and now you've lost nine pounds.
• 37:51
  You've done this. This is a good accomplishment.
• 37:54
  It's looking at yourself and learning to appreciate those
• 37:59
  comp accomplishments or at least pointing out, hey, you did
• 38:04
  something like, you know, it may not be the thing that you
• 38:09
  wanted. It may not be happening as fast
• 38:11
  as you wanted, but you did something you're different than
• 38:16
  you were a week ago. Wow.
• 38:22
  Thank you, thank you so much for sharing that gosh, so many
• 38:27
  thoughts running through my mind right now.
• 38:28
  I think the first thing I want to say is like, just well done
• 38:33
  congratulations. You know, I'm persevering
• 38:36
  through that and I suffered two with with impostor Syndrome have
• 38:42
  done all my life, I've managed to kind of get to a point where
• 38:48
  I don't let it Fact, the things I do and it sounds to me like
• 38:51
  you've done exactly the same thing but it's it's yeah it's
• 38:54
  hard, I'm sure that many many people out there.
• 38:57
  Suffer from this certainly many of the people I know in real
• 39:02
  life and I've met online have expressed feelings and thoughts
• 39:08
  which would be consistent with what this is and it's hard.
• 39:12
  You know? I mean you can do your best work
• 39:14
  ever. And as you said like you know
• 39:16
  you got this really high grade point average smart Guy
• 39:19
  intelligent guy, doing all these amazing things and like, you
• 39:23
  just still don't feel it and it's, it's hard.
• 39:26
  And no amount of people giving you compliments changes here and
• 39:30
  no amount that you have to see it and feel it, and believe it.
• 39:34
  And that's hard trying to convince yourself of that, you
• 39:39
  know, when you were talking about your journey with covid,
• 39:43
  dude. Same thing. for me, you know I
• 39:46
  mean right now is the heaviest weight I've ever been and Like
• 39:52
  looks-wise, I probably feel like it's the most least attractive
• 39:57
  I've ever felt in my entire life and it's everything.
• 40:00
  And I've had people say the opposite and it's like I
• 40:06
  personally feel like it's just people being nice and I know
• 40:09
  that they're being genuine and truthful and sincere and I
• 40:12
  always am very thankful when people say these lovely things
• 40:16
  but it's very hard. If you don't believe something
• 40:19
  to then convince yourself that it's the truth and It was what
• 40:26
  you were speaking about with regards to comparing yourself to
• 40:29
  others. That that's deadly right there
• 40:32
  because it's like, you're never going to be that person, and nor
• 40:37
  should you want to Because you know, the most important thing
• 40:41
  is always being yourself and being and being you means that
• 40:46
  you can't be someone else. And like I don't feel itself up
• 40:52
  to feel basically like by comparing yourself to someone
• 40:56
  else you're saying, look, a person, you will never be.
• 41:00
  Now be that person and you can it's impossible, there's nothing
• 41:05
  wrong I think with being inspired by someone.
• 41:07
  But yeah when you're trying to be someone it's like a little
• 41:12
  what big unfair filling prophecy is that what it is like, it's
• 41:15
  like it will just never happen and you just exactly.
• 41:18
  Yeah. And it's I don't know.
• 41:20
  Like I remember I always go back to this quote because I think
• 41:24
  it's amazing. I'm a professional wrestling
• 41:27
  fan. I always have been and And I
• 41:30
  remember there was this very short line in this video package
• 41:35
  for this match, it was WrestleMania 19.
• 41:39
  And it was the match between Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho
• 41:45
  and WWE has always been known for its production value and
• 41:48
  good quality programming stuff like that.
• 41:51
  And some people will say, oh, you know it's gotten worse over
• 41:54
  the years and I get that but you can't fault the way they put a
• 41:58
  package together even to this Like when you know, the music
• 42:01
  and and the compelling words and just everything in between, they
• 42:06
  really create stories. Well, and this one thing they've
• 42:11
  always done is built a basis of Truth within stories.
• 42:15
  Chris Jericho grown-up was a fan of Shawn, Michaels and did
• 42:19
  emulate him in many different ways and Etc.
• 42:22
  So they just took elements of Truth and put it in the story.
• 42:26
  But there's one line in particular.
• 42:28
  He says, Which I think is very important for anyone who suffers
• 42:32
  with imposter syndrome or just, you know, suffers with the idea
• 42:36
  of being themselves. Chris Jericho said, for years, I
• 42:41
  tried to emulate my hero, Shawn Michaels.
• 42:43
  I tried to be him. I tried to be the next Shawn
• 42:45
  Michaels, but then, I realized, that was the wrong thing to do.
• 42:51
  I stop trying to be the next Shawn Michaels, and I focused on
• 42:55
  being the very first and only Chris, Earth and it's just a
• 43:03
  throwaway line in a firmware package for a wrestling match.
• 43:06
  But for some reason that stuck with me this idea of yeah, like,
• 43:10
  stop trying to be the second or third version of something like
• 43:14
  the world doesn't need another. This thing, you know.
• 43:18
  Like for instance, when I first started this podcast, I thought
• 43:21
  about like, oh, I'm trying to be like the next Joe Rogan and it's
• 43:24
  like, I'm not Joe Rogan. I'll never be Joe Rogan.
• 43:28
  I'm nothing like Joe. Could I take inspiration thing
• 43:32
  from him? I think his format and what he's
• 43:33
  done has been amazing but you know I'm a different person and
• 43:38
  so I thought well okay, so what what does Christian brief do?
• 43:42
  What what's that? What does that mean?
• 43:43
  What does in the context of what this is?
• 43:45
  What does that mean? And I think that's something
• 43:47
  that unfolds over time and you just have to realize it and just
• 43:52
  do it and it's this fighting battle with yourself.
• 43:55
  It's like your thought like that, that I don't care what
• 43:58
  anyone says, but like, Your thoughts are always the worst
• 44:01
  thing, you know, it doesn't matter like you.
• 44:03
  I'll get hate comments all the time, and I see, I've seen lots
• 44:06
  of horrible stuff, but I'm sorry.
• 44:08
  You can never bring me down as much as my own thoughts.
• 44:11
  Can just not possible. You could try man.
• 44:15
  I know that feeling. It's like what it's like you
• 44:19
  have the audacity, you think you can bring me down lower than
• 44:23
  that. But yeah, I mean, it's a
• 44:28
  constant battle. Well and I think you've done a
• 44:33
  really good job with with that you know I mean I think therapy
• 44:36
  is always a good option as far as just addressing or realizing
• 44:39
  things if you haven't already. And you know, I really wish you
• 44:43
  the best of that luck with that and I hope you do overcome it
• 44:47
  because you're clearly a very talented down-to-earth guy and
• 44:51
  you know it would be good to see believe in what you're doing you
• 44:54
  know. And you know look at everything
• 44:57
  that you're doing. I think there's a lot to believe
• 44:58
  a minute. Let's talk about this.
• 44:59
  This Audio Drama that you're doing.
• 45:01
  I think it's a fascinating concept, so, it's called
• 45:03
  retrospection, you've outlined it a little bit.
• 45:07
  But let's really delve into this.
• 45:08
  What is retrospection all about, what's the purpose, and why
• 45:11
  should people listen to it? So I'm going to start with the
• 45:15
  back story of why, why it matters, and why it mattered to
• 45:21
  me. So I was in high school and I
• 45:24
  did theater for all of high school and being the person I
• 45:28
  was, I wanted To learn everything I could.
• 45:30
  So, I learned, sewing and costuming, I learned lights and
• 45:33
  sound. I learn acting singing on
• 45:36
  everything. Everything I could do directing
• 45:39
  writing all of it. When I am doing was writing a
• 45:43
  show called Super Tail and that show went in performed to every
• 45:49
  Elementary School in my city which was 45 of them and it was
• 45:55
  successful people loved it. It was a super-powered fairytale
• 45:58
  is what I call it. It was just all of these
• 46:01
  superheroes together, all of these fairy tale characters, who
• 46:05
  became super heroes and super villains.
• 46:07
  And then the main character Sam, it was just nobody literally
• 46:14
  just a person and it's her origin story or his they are
• 46:19
  origin story of becoming this person.
• 46:22
  I'm becoming somebody and then realizing while they were hero
• 46:29
  all the way, like they were somebody that showed these
• 46:35
  heroic Tendencies and these heroic moments from day one,
• 46:40
  they just didn't see themselves as the hero yet, not until they
• 46:43
  had the label. And then they realize that Very
• 46:47
  similar to, you know, my imposter syndrome and a lot of
• 46:50
  people. And it's funny that I wrote that
• 46:53
  and never made those connections.
• 46:55
  But anyways so that did really well.
• 46:58
  And the high school was holding a, write a script and you get to
• 47:07
  direct your play which is something I had already done
• 47:10
  that year and I wanted to do again so I wrote another show.
• 47:15
  And I lost it or at least I submit it to the contest and I
• 47:20
  lost and the reason I lost the contest.
• 47:23
  The person told me was yeah, well you've already done in the
• 47:26
  show this year, so I wanted to be fair.
• 47:27
  And let the other person do it, I said, So, it didn't matter the
• 47:32
  work that I put in and if the show that I did was better, I
• 47:36
  didn't or the directing that you've seen me do and like, the
• 47:40
  work I put in, it didn't matter. I should never have done this in
• 47:43
  the first place because that person was ultimately going to
• 47:45
  win. And so, the next show was a
• 47:50
  Disney princess / Game of Thrones mix up like combination.
• 47:56
  And I said, this is a what I want to do in high school.
• 48:00
  I want to do like Huckleberry Finn and To Kill a Mockingbird
• 48:04
  and like the shows that everyone does in theater and that I read
• 48:10
  the script. I didn't understand what it what
• 48:13
  it was. I just I didn't understand it.
• 48:15
  It's I just didn't like it and so I said cool.
• 48:19
  I quit I'm not doing this. That's it.
• 48:22
  Like I I don't want to do this for you anymore and as I left, I
• 48:28
  realized I still love this like super Tell is my story.
• 48:33
  It is my definitive story and it's just it's great.
• 48:40
  I like it's one of my favorite things and I had so much fun
• 48:42
  writing it and making this characters and making this plot
• 48:44
  points and I realized well I want to keep doing that.
• 48:53
  I want to keep writing. I want to keep directing and
• 48:55
  producing and making things but my high school is not going to
• 48:59
  give me that opportunity anymore because I can't, I just can't do
• 49:04
  it for them. So I started writing, I started
• 49:08
  just writing things, I thought would be interesting and those
• 49:14
  Works were lost to time because they were on my school account
• 49:18
  which once I graduated got deleted and so I kept writing
• 49:24
  and that director that same person who told me?
• 49:26
  Oh, yeah, well, I wasn't gonna give it to you in the first
• 49:29
  place because of you already got to do one.
• 49:31
  Equality if that is equally, had also convinced me a few years
• 49:38
  earlier to get into voice acting.
• 49:41
  So she's like, oh, you got the voice for it, which is something
• 49:44
  I've learned over the years of. It doesn't matter if you have
• 49:47
  the voice for it and matters, if you do it.
• 49:49
  And those are two separate things, you can be like the
• 49:51
  worst sounding person in the world, but if your voice is
• 49:54
  unique and you can do these different things that people
• 49:57
  want to hear. That's what matters.
• 49:59
  You don't need to have the low beautiful voice like I do, it
• 50:03
  doesn't matter. And so I'd been getting into
• 50:07
  that and I did this audiobook for one of my teachers who
• 50:13
  really, who read a book in class, they didn't have an audio
• 50:16
  back book format of it. And she was like, I'm losing my
• 50:19
  voice by doing this every year. And, you know, I do it all day,
• 50:24
  every day for four to five classes a day.
• 50:26
  I can't do this. I said, well, I'll do an audio.
• 50:28
  Look for you and it'll give me practice.
• 50:31
  So I did that. And I said, wow, I love
• 50:34
  voiceover like this is fun. I don't have the experience, I
• 50:37
  don't have the training, I don't have any of these things.
• 50:41
  But I like it. And so I started teaching myself
• 50:44
  some basics of voice inflection and reading differently and
• 50:47
  speaking and all the different voices I can do and learning and
• 50:51
  developing those. And I was having a great time
• 50:54
  and I said, okay, if I'm writing scripts, I'm doing voiceover,
• 50:58
  why not do audio dramas? So I start searching the
• 51:02
  internet and scouring for audio dramas and naturally Audio Drama
• 51:06
  started in 1930s and 40s and were World's most dangerous
• 51:13
  game. CBS broadcasting, the shadow
• 51:15
  knows all of these different really famous. 1930s and 40s,
• 51:21
  audio, dramas old time, radio is what it's called.
• 51:24
  And so, I said, wow. I love this, I love the vibe, I
• 51:30
  love the feel, I love, how old that sounds?
• 51:32
  I love the way everyone dresses. I love the stories, they tell
• 51:35
  because some of them are just corny and crappy, but it's got
• 51:39
  that love to it and I loved it. So I said I'm gonna do that.
• 51:45
  I'm going to write a script, I'm going to make an old-time radio
• 51:49
  and I'm just gonna do that. So I spent the first half of my
• 51:55
  senior year writing The Lodges which is first episode, and I
• 52:03
  Wrote it. And I had four issue rules for
• 52:08
  it. And I said, okay, hey, other
• 52:11
  people who are annoyed with the theater department and the way
• 52:13
  it is right now, and my friends, would you be interested in
• 52:16
  coming in and voicing these roles?
• 52:19
  And they're like sure, why not? So, I bought a crappy fifteen
• 52:23
  dollar. Walmart Mike, and I set up a
• 52:26
  whole bunch of thick blankets in my crawl space and we would
• 52:30
  record in the crawlspace. And that's how I recorded the
• 52:33
  first episode on my dad. Who's always been extremely
• 52:37
  supportive says, hey, I'll buy a bunch of moving.
• 52:40
  Blankets will grab some wood and we'll make this mini booth in
• 52:44
  our basement. And so we did that.
• 52:46
  And the next like, it wasn't the perfect.
• 52:49
  Booth. But it was better.
• 52:50
  And that was a great project that we did together and that
• 52:53
  Booth stood until a couple months ago because I moved out
• 52:58
  about a year and a half ago and eventually it just doesn't see
• 53:00
  much use but he helped me with that.
• 53:03
  And then I started reaching out to parents of my friends and
• 53:07
  saying, hey would you mind helping me out with this?
• 53:11
  And so the second episode and the third episode, actually the
• 53:14
  second episode was a whole bunch of friends, third episode
• 53:19
  Episodes. See Jim was a bunch of their
• 53:22
  parents and they all came and they did some voiceover.
• 53:24
  And of course, they haven't had the training and they're not the
• 53:26
  best actors, but it solidified, after The Lodges, I love this.
• 53:32
  I'm going to write beyond the surface because I love sharks, I
• 53:35
  love the ocean and that's what that show was about.
• 53:37
  And then I was like well I wrote a short story that got featured
• 53:41
  in The High School Magazine. So I'm going to turn that into
• 53:44
  an audio drama. So I did that for see Jim and
• 53:47
  from that moment on I kept going on and On keep kept writing kept
• 53:50
  reading. And I've always had this old
• 53:53
  install chick Vibe which is why I describe myself as a nostalgic
• 53:56
  Audio Drama installed your core because it it just feels
• 54:00
  nostalgic. And so I kept going I've had
• 54:04
  struggles I started off by doing directing casting producing
• 54:09
  writing the music, composing, all of that every month and so I
• 54:16
  would end the month release. The So don the 35th or 35th 31st
• 54:22
  or the 30th the last day of every month and then I'd start
• 54:26
  over the next day and put out my casting call, and try to get
• 54:30
  people in and I write and produce and do all of these
• 54:33
  things and I did everything a month.
• 54:35
  And so what happens is season 2 comes around.
• 54:37
  I say well I'm going to do superhero horror because I've
• 54:41
  been doing horror for the first season, it's very reminiscent of
• 54:44
  old time radio stuff where every episode tells a complete story.
• 54:47
  So I went into superheroes Or and went through pretty much the
• 54:50
  entire season and ended up getting burned out, because I
• 54:53
  was doing it every single month, all day, every day of the month.
• 54:58
  So I get burnout and the last two episodes of That season are
• 55:01
  never released. They're all written the ready to
• 55:03
  go, but the voice actors didn't want to come back because I kept
• 55:05
  asking for monthly commitments from them and I couldn't pay
• 55:08
  because I didn't have the money for that.
• 55:11
  Like everything I've done for my podcast has been out of pocket
• 55:15
  which is fine because that's my own passion, that's what I
• 55:19
  wanted to do. So I would donate my own money
• 55:21
  to that type of stuff and I had to cut costs where I could.
• 55:24
  So season 3, I went back to my roots and started doing The
• 55:30
  episodic these serialize episodes where they each told
• 55:36
  their own complete story and I started in season 2 and season 3
• 55:39
  going into topics. I cared about a little bit more
• 55:42
  like mental health and depression and suicide and these
• 55:46
  things that don't get talked about.
• 55:48
  And so you know, sometimes there aren't happy ending sometimes
• 55:52
  the main character die, sometimes they commit suicide,
• 55:55
  sometimes they are just so depressed that they just leave.
• 55:58
  Leave. And I started getting into these
• 56:01
  subjects and exploring them and realizing that that's the
• 56:06
  difference between me and everybody else.
• 56:08
  A lot of these audio dramas are produced and they have these
• 56:10
  things in their they have, you know, they have this man who
• 56:16
  falls in love with another man and that's their story but they
• 56:19
  don't talk about the abuse that they faced growing up to get to
• 56:24
  that happily ever after. They don't talk about the mental
• 56:27
  health, and the Is that they felt.
• 56:30
  And so that's something. I've started talking about more
• 56:32
  and more. And now with season 4, I
• 56:35
  completely changed everything. I changed my vibe, I changed my
• 56:41
  work, schedule, changed everything because season 3 came
• 56:43
  out during 2020. And so I took a break for pretty
• 56:46
  much a year and a half. And so, though, I've been
• 56:50
  podcasting for 45 years. Now, I took a very, very long
• 56:54
  break, because Depression hit really hard.
• 56:57
  And, at the end of Depression. I came out a better person and
• 57:01
  so I crafted this season, I casted this season, I edited it.
• 57:05
  And now I'm working on the next season and that's not even going
• 57:08
  to release for four to five months.
• 57:11
  At this point, like, I'm working half a year in advance.
• 57:14
  Hopefully soon-to-be a year in advance, which is allowed me to
• 57:20
  say. If I need to take a break, I can
• 57:21
  take a break all of that. So that comes to the latest
• 57:24
  season which is A season that will probably offend a lot of
• 57:30
  people and I recognize that. But it's talks about subjects
• 57:35
  that are tough for people to hear about, but things that have
• 57:41
  happened to my friends and have happened to me and like, and
• 57:45
  they just don't get talked about, so this season follows.
• 57:50
  Well, pre thought behind it, the seasons inspired by True Crime.
• 57:56
  And Old-time radio whore. So what it is, is this person
• 58:00
  who is a journalist gets fed up with journalism and quits and he
• 58:05
  says, I'm not telling the truth anymore.
• 58:07
  I want to do that. That's why I joined.
• 58:09
  So he becomes a true crime podcaster and it's set in a
• 58:12
  place called Madison Maine, which is kind of my go-to city.
• 58:16
  It exists in real life which I didn't know when I first crafted
• 58:20
  it, but it is its own unique. Town city inspired by Stephen
• 58:25
  King and his constantly. Setting everything in me and I
• 58:30
  was like, and I gone to Maine and I loved it, it was just such
• 58:33
  a beautiful place that I'm now, you know, the second I have the
• 58:37
  money to do it. I'm moving there.
• 58:39
  That's where I want to live the rest of my life.
• 58:41
  But anyways, so it's this guy who quits and becomes a true
• 58:46
  crime podcaster. And in Madison main, there is a
• 58:50
  teenage girl who's killed one night just in the middle of the
• 58:54
  safe neighborhood that the worst crime they ever had was a car
• 58:58
  break-in. She's just murdered.
• 59:02
  And then the police don't really solve the murder.
• 59:05
  Then more murder, start happen, and the police don't seem to
• 59:08
  care. And so this podcaster says I
• 59:12
  need to solve this like there are boys and girls or men and
• 59:16
  women, you know, 18 to 23, 24 years old, being murdered for
• 59:22
  seemingly no reason and they're starting to become Mains like
• 59:26
  their bits and pieces of them missing.
• 59:28
  And so we start off with the podcaster, making a discovery of
• 59:35
  the girl, the first victims Final hours on the planet, and
• 59:39
  that's the first episode as an audio log of her.
• 59:42
  F the events leading up to her death and so the story follows
• 59:48
  this person as he solves, who the Madison Manor is.
• 59:53
  But as he goes about solving, he makes these connections between
• 59:56
  like there was this old man who was the baseball coach for the
• 1:00:02
  boys and the girls team while he starts uncovering.
• 1:00:05
  That this old man might have been a pedophile because he had
• 1:00:09
  a best friend who committed suicide and his best friend.
• 1:00:12
  Never explained why or the emotions that he was feeling.
• 1:00:15
  And he finally gets that closure of oh my God.
• 1:00:17
  I know why my friends gone now. I know why I've had to live with
• 1:00:21
  this regret that I was never good enough to be there to save
• 1:00:24
  my friend and then it leads into this whole thing about the
• 1:00:29
  church and how the church can forgive people and the question
• 1:00:35
  is like should really bad people be forgiven and that's not a
• 1:00:39
  question. I'm going to answer because it's
• 1:00:42
  That's up to the audience. When you listen, should these
• 1:00:45
  really bad, people who seem you know, repentant of the awful
• 1:00:50
  things they've done be forgiven despite you know, depression,
• 1:00:53
  PTSD suicide, these awful things that have happened.
• 1:00:57
  So there's subplots like that, that are really deep and really
• 1:01:01
  hard to hear and you know that might immediately turn people
• 1:01:05
  off. But for the people it doesn't
• 1:01:07
  turn off. Those are subjects that need to
• 1:01:09
  be talked about. And So I'm using my Audio Drama
• 1:01:13
  to craft an interesting story with interesting characters and
• 1:01:17
  unique themes, and developments and all that.
• 1:01:19
  But also, as a platform to show that I care about these things,
• 1:01:23
  and you're not alone. When the stuff happens to you,
• 1:01:26
  there are other people out there and all it takes is for you to
• 1:01:29
  say, hey, I need help. So that's heavy hitting stuff,
• 1:01:37
  it's incredible. I also appreciate that, like,
• 1:01:43
  you know, when I asked you about it, because sometimes I've asked
• 1:01:45
  people this question and, you know, they just talk about the
• 1:01:47
  project, they're doing and that's it.
• 1:01:49
  And it's like, okay, but I can tell why you're passionate about
• 1:01:54
  this. What it means to you.
• 1:01:57
  I mean, one of the questions I was going to ask as a follow-up
• 1:02:01
  was you know, like what What's the supposed other purpose?
• 1:02:04
  But like are you trying to educate people, whatever?
• 1:02:08
  But like that's very clear. You are and in any in your own
• 1:02:11
  unique way and you know you can tell the influence of the old
• 1:02:17
  audio dramas from the 1930s and 40s with in your work.
• 1:02:20
  It's like a kind of an amalgamation of new meets old
• 1:02:23
  and I think that's that's awesome.
• 1:02:25
  And I can only wish you the best of luck with that.
• 1:02:29
  I've noticed also that you're kind of doing Sort of like a
• 1:02:33
  like a network I suppose in a sense like retrospection is an
• 1:02:38
  audio drama but it's also like a network.
• 1:02:41
  It's that right? Like a sort of a series of shows
• 1:02:43
  under this one Banner. Yeah so retrospection in the
• 1:02:48
  idea behind the name might help with understanding that so
• 1:02:54
  introspection the ability to reflect on one's self and look
• 1:02:59
  inside of themself and develop along with the Retroactive these
• 1:03:04
  old Vibes vintage and now retrospection is a word.
• 1:03:09
  That means to look on the to look fondly, on the past, like a
• 1:03:13
  Nostalgia. So, I combined retro and
• 1:03:17
  introspection and it just so happened.
• 1:03:19
  That retrospection was a word. That like means exactly what I
• 1:03:22
  wanted. It to me, it was supposed to be
• 1:03:27
  exactly. And so this idea of being
• 1:03:30
  introspective, But using the past to be introspective because
• 1:03:37
  I always said I'd be history teacher until I discovered my
• 1:03:42
  passion for audio and video and so I thought it was going to be
• 1:03:45
  history, teacher and even in college I took as many history
• 1:03:48
  classes as I could because that's my passion.
• 1:03:50
  I love history. And so that comes across in, you
• 1:03:56
  know, like when I play D&D, when I DM for that, my world is
• 1:03:59
  inspired by history and a lot of my podcast.
• 1:04:02
  Is inspired by history, and has historical events or historical
• 1:04:06
  things that have happened. And so my two goals are to be as
• 1:04:10
  introspective and philosophical. As I can be to ask those deep
• 1:04:14
  questions that make you think and also to pay homage to the
• 1:04:19
  stuff that inspired me and gave me those first.
• 1:04:24
  Yeah, those first Inspirations those four steps and so when
• 1:04:30
  when I finally made retrospection I realized that I
• 1:04:34
  am no Martin that is who I am but also the part of me that
• 1:04:41
  creates is retrospection and so I could name the brand Noah
• 1:04:47
  Martin or Martin Media or multiple Martin multimedia or
• 1:04:50
  anything like that. But ultimately I am And so
• 1:04:55
  everything. I know it's like Richard, so I
• 1:04:59
  just remind me. I retrospection, man.
• 1:05:01
  Yeah. Oh, please do a show called
• 1:05:06
  retrospection man. That'd be amazing.
• 1:05:09
  Well, so I have learned a lot of skills in my life and I got the
• 1:05:13
  Adobe suite and so I started teaching myself illustrator.
• 1:05:16
  So I started making these like cute cartoons of the
• 1:05:19
  retrospection radio logo, and I'm like, I don't know why I did
• 1:05:24
  this but I accidentally just made a mascot of yes.
• 1:05:27
  Like so retrospection is me and what I do.
• 1:05:34
  So it is the interviews that I do.
• 1:05:38
  It is the stories that I craft. It is the pictures that I take
• 1:05:44
  and sell on stock images. It is the short films, I create
• 1:05:47
  for class and for fun, it is the music I produce and I create it.
• 1:05:53
  Is everything all labeled under one thing and it's what we
• 1:05:57
  talked about a little bit earlier of being a content
• 1:06:00
  creator who just does what they want to do.
• 1:06:05
  And so that's that's what I'm doing is retrospection, is what
• 1:06:10
  I want to do, all of, all of the stuff I craft is that so it's
• 1:06:17
  like to label it. It's a multimedia company.
• 1:06:23
  It's just everything photo video audio, all the different types
• 1:06:27
  of media. Amazing stuff.
• 1:06:30
  I must say you're very you're your passion for what you do is
• 1:06:35
  very infectious and inspiring and I know it's going to really
• 1:06:39
  inspire people listening and inspires me, you know I'd really
• 1:06:43
  them enamored by what you do and I think it's incredible man.
• 1:06:46
  Can't wait to see what you do next with it.
• 1:06:48
  Thanks that's one of the things I did want to say is like for
• 1:06:53
  you or for audience members, I'm always happy to sit down and
• 1:06:57
  just work things out. I've got a friend who became a
• 1:07:02
  professional Dean. And create stories for a living.
• 1:07:05
  I take a lot of inspiration from that because he's literally
• 1:07:09
  living the life that he wants to live, just playing Dungeons and
• 1:07:12
  Dragons. And so stories have always been
• 1:07:15
  extremely important to me but to see someone who's now being paid
• 1:07:19
  to just craft stories or sometimes to be that idea Guy
• 1:07:23
  where it's like, hey I have this idea of a night going to fight a
• 1:07:26
  dragon and then you know, sitting down and thinking cool,
• 1:07:31
  how can we make this the most Most interesting story of a
• 1:07:34
  knight fighting a dragon that's ever been created.
• 1:07:37
  Like maybe the night is going to fight the dragon, not to save a
• 1:07:42
  princess. But instead to save the dragon
• 1:07:45
  itself as if the princess was cursed into becoming the dragon
• 1:07:49
  and the only way to do it is by defeating it and giving him the
• 1:07:51
  Elixir something like you know, that's something I take pride in
• 1:07:56
  is Story ideas and helping people sit down and think
• 1:08:01
  through things and kind of hammer down what it is that they
• 1:08:06
  want to do. And so I'm making that offer, if
• 1:08:09
  you want to email me or reach out to me on whatever and just
• 1:08:13
  thinking like hey I have this idea and I kind of want some
• 1:08:16
  help happy to help. Always What kind of little stuff
• 1:08:21
  I want to kind of gauge your mind a bit because you seem like
• 1:08:25
  a very kind of full deep person. So I reckon you're come up with
• 1:08:29
  some good answers to these questions and I love asking my
• 1:08:31
  guests. These questions in general,
• 1:08:35
  what's the best advice you've ever received?
• 1:08:41
  Just in context or like is there any context best advice for
• 1:08:46
  podcasting or just best life advice?
• 1:08:49
  Let's go with life advice best at life advice you've ever
• 1:08:52
  received Huge fan of DC Comics and I grew up watching Teen
• 1:09:00
  Titans and I was really attached to the second season because
• 1:09:05
  it's the story of Tara whoo-hoo. You know, growing up, I didn't
• 1:09:09
  realize this had mental issues, somebody who struggled from a
• 1:09:14
  whole bunch of different things and she ends up joining the Bad
• 1:09:18
  Guys, by the end of the seasons. Spoiler.
• 1:09:20
  I guess things not read the comics or seen the movies or
• 1:09:23
  watch the TV show or anything. She ends up joining bad guys,
• 1:09:27
  and then she switches sides again and saves the heroes.
• 1:09:31
  And the advice that was given to her at this pivotal character
• 1:09:36
  moment was, it's your life? It's your choice.
• 1:09:40
  It's never too late to change its you know, he it can be
• 1:09:45
  corny, it can be whatever you want.
• 1:09:48
  But at the end of the day, when I heard that it connected with
• 1:09:52
  me as a kid, did I had heard it a whole bunch but I went back
• 1:09:57
  and watched through the series and high school.
• 1:09:59
  I grew up with anger issues. It was especially bad in high
• 1:10:02
  school, depression. Self-harm all of that stuff, a
• 1:10:05
  whole bunch of terrible mental stuff, but when I heard that
• 1:10:08
  quote, I realized That's right. Like just because these are the
• 1:10:13
  people or I am, the person that I am now is the person that will
• 1:10:17
  live on in people's minds, doesn't mean that I'm the person
• 1:10:21
  that I have to live with that person.
• 1:10:23
  Now have to be this angry hateful, pessimistic person,
• 1:10:27
  which, you know, that's still a part of me, but it's not me.
• 1:10:31
  And so I realized that it is never too late to change just
• 1:10:36
  because you've gone too far. You've done these things and
• 1:10:40
  other people were forever. See you.
• 1:10:42
  That way. That doesn't mean and your heart
• 1:10:45
  of hearts that you can't be someone else.
• 1:10:49
  Yeah, I totally agree with you and I thought about this a lot
• 1:10:52
  as well. I mean, I think Forgiveness is
• 1:10:58
  tricky Concept in general because you can wrong.
• 1:11:03
  Someone, you can do terrible things and you seek the
• 1:11:07
  forgiveness and obviously, ultimately, it's up to that
• 1:11:09
  person to to forgive you. But the thing is with
• 1:11:15
  forgiveness is I think it's I always look at it and, you know,
• 1:11:20
  a metaphorical sense, it's like a big weight on your shoulders.
• 1:11:25
  Let's say you're the one that's doing the forgiving, so someone
• 1:11:28
  has wronged you You get something out of forgiving them.
• 1:11:36
  It's not just a two-way street, you know, because all of us
• 1:11:41
  humans were connected for the person that you're giving
• 1:11:44
  forgiveness too. It takes a big pressure off
• 1:11:47
  them. They can move on with their
• 1:11:49
  life. They don't have to live with the
• 1:11:50
  guilt anymore. They know that you forgive them
• 1:11:55
  and that it's okay and that you wish them well, and You don't
• 1:12:02
  hold a grudge anymore. So that's the pressure off them.
• 1:12:06
  But the pressure of you is that you don't have to live with that
• 1:12:09
  either. you know, is so it comes off your shoulders, and this
• 1:12:17
  little act of kindness which might not even seem a lot to
• 1:12:20
  you, you know, and don't get me wrong, I'd there are extreme
• 1:12:24
  cases where the forgiveness is very difficult, and maybe maybe
• 1:12:28
  some things are truly unforgivable, but I think that.
• 1:12:33
  In the end, carrying hatred, grudges, whatever it just eats
• 1:12:40
  you up, it doesn't affect the other person, it just it eats,
• 1:12:43
  you are Pete. And I truly believe that you
• 1:12:48
  know, at our best human beings, we are beings.
• 1:12:54
  This is spread love and kindness, and not hold grudges
• 1:12:57
  and try and be spiteful or harm each other like you know. we got
• 1:13:03
  to aim for the best and try to draw the best out of us and
• 1:13:06
  sometimes that means stepping up and apologizing or you know
• 1:13:13
  Owning our mistakes or forgiving others.
• 1:13:16
  And you know, except in that we make mistakes and and and you
• 1:13:24
  know I know there are people out there that hate me or would
• 1:13:27
  never forgive me and I'm sorry, you know, to those people but
• 1:13:32
  it's like I don't believe any human being this perfect or ever
• 1:13:40
  will be perfect. We're all flawed and that's part
• 1:13:42
  of the journey. And the journey is learning and
• 1:13:46
  growing and forgiving and moving forward.
• 1:13:49
  And I think just doing the best that you can in life.
• 1:13:52
  Even if you have done bad, things and hurt people, like it
• 1:13:57
  says, you said it with your advice, you know, like there's
• 1:14:00
  always an opportunity to make amends and and start doing the
• 1:14:03
  right thing. You know, so you're the only
• 1:14:07
  person who has to live with yourself, we could live in the
• 1:14:10
  same apartment, we can live in the same house, you know.
• 1:14:12
  We could be married. We could do all of these
• 1:14:14
  different things but at the end of the day you go to bed with
• 1:14:18
  yourself. You're the only one who's able
• 1:14:21
  to read your own thoughts and when it comes down forgiveness
• 1:14:25
  and your ability to love yourself, the important thing
• 1:14:30
  is, can you forgive yourself and so, you know, the best gifts.
• 1:14:35
  One can give is forgiveness but if it's something that you truly
• 1:14:39
  repent, and truly regrets and truly understand that it was
• 1:14:45
  wrong to do, or was bad to do or harm this other person or a did
• 1:14:48
  this thing, that's also your own form of forgiveness, being able
• 1:14:52
  to come to a conclusion and being able to sleep at night.
• 1:14:56
  Something that, you know, it might pop into your head again,
• 1:14:59
  but it's something that as long as you can still sit there and
• 1:15:02
  go. All right, I Just trying to
• 1:15:07
  think of my past. I can't think of anything right
• 1:15:14
  now or at least something that I can relate to.
• 1:15:17
  Because it's been a while since I've had to do this because I've
• 1:15:20
  been happy with person. I've been, but really especially
• 1:15:23
  in high school. If I can sit down and say, I
• 1:15:28
  recognize what I did was wrong. I'm truly.
• 1:15:30
  Truly sorry for and the other person might not ever say I
• 1:15:34
  accept your apology, but as long as I can live with myself and
• 1:15:37
  realize, yeah, I'm a different person because of the stuff I
• 1:15:41
  learned. And that's sewn for my
• 1:15:43
  forgiveness. There is a story I read about
• 1:15:47
  that was powerful Story, one of those taboo stories where there
• 1:15:54
  was a survivor of the Holocaust and she ended up making friends
• 1:16:01
  with one of the SS scientists and he was one of those guys
• 1:16:05
  that didn't really He was helping with the experiments,
• 1:16:10
  but he didn't really realize what he was doing.
• 1:16:12
  So he was still kind of ignorant to everything but also that
• 1:16:15
  doesn't mean that he's clear of the stuff that he had done.
• 1:16:18
  And so they ended up not necessarily becoming friends but
• 1:16:22
  she eventually was able to say, I forgive you and then the man
• 1:16:27
  just cries on the spot because he's been living.
• 1:16:31
  With this guilt of my god. I've literally helped genocide
• 1:16:34
  of people. I've done these terrible things
• 1:16:37
  and I was 20 years old. I'm 22, I think I know a lot but
• 1:16:42
  I know when I watched this video and seven years, I'm going to
• 1:16:44
  go. Wow, it dumbass because that's
• 1:16:47
  how life is you grow up? You change.
• 1:16:50
  And that's something that people need to understand is like, you
• 1:16:53
  know, especially when it comes to politics or when it comes to
• 1:16:56
  people in general. It's okay to, you know, if
• 1:17:00
  you're living through the 60s, and you're somebody who I don't
• 1:17:03
  support this. But if you're somebody who was
• 1:17:06
  indoctrinated into the belief of segregation or any of these
• 1:17:09
  things, and then 10 years later, you go, oh my God, I should
• 1:17:13
  never have believed that. That was stupid.
• 1:17:14
  That was an awful thing because these people are people, why
• 1:17:19
  would I want to keep them separated like You know, and
• 1:17:23
  recognizing and saying, wow, I had this bad belief for it.
• 1:17:28
  I had this part of me that wholeheartedly believe
• 1:17:31
  something. Maybe I was an advocate for it
• 1:17:33
  and if you can sit down and introspect and say, wow, I was
• 1:17:36
  wrong and you know, be at peace with the fact that you were this
• 1:17:41
  way but now you're a different person than you know, that's
• 1:17:46
  that's still life to live to realize that we're constantly
• 1:17:49
  growing. That's something.
• 1:17:50
  I wish people would. Recognize and see especially in
• 1:17:53
  modern world is like, you know, you might go back on your
• 1:17:56
  opinions and it could be because you truly don't know what you're
• 1:17:59
  saying or it could be because you have that change and you
• 1:18:02
  realized wow I don't believe this anymore and it's okay to
• 1:18:08
  change in to be someone else. Like I was a super duper staunch
• 1:18:13
  Christian conservative when I went to college now I don't even
• 1:18:17
  know what I am. I'm sure I'm a Libertarian or an
• 1:18:19
  independent. I'm an atheist like I'm all of
• 1:18:22
  these different things, these different descriptors.
• 1:18:26
  And like I said, like, I am no Martin, but I'm not the person.
• 1:18:30
  I was four years ago in the beliefs.
• 1:18:31
  I had four years ago are not the beliefs I have.
• 1:18:34
  Now some of them are, but most of them aren't and so, you know,
• 1:18:39
  I can accept that I'm a different person and that I
• 1:18:41
  believe those things and I understand why I believe them
• 1:18:44
  the way I did four years ago, I understand how that led me into
• 1:18:48
  believing different things now and so, One of the other things
• 1:18:54
  of advice that I can give is this idea of change you can
• 1:18:58
  change and because you can change.
• 1:19:00
  So can other people and so that constant, hatred, that constant
• 1:19:04
  judgment. You're the only one who has to
• 1:19:06
  live with that, you know, if you see somebody's face and it just
• 1:19:08
  makes you go cat. I hate that person, man.
• 1:19:10
  I'm so angry this ruin my day. Gratulations, you know, I care.
• 1:19:16
  But also, I don't care and these other people around, you don't
• 1:19:19
  care because they don't have to live with it.
• 1:19:21
  When I go home, I don't feel that hatred.
• 1:19:24
  That anger that, you know, disappointments that ruining of
• 1:19:28
  my day that you feel because I'm not you.
• 1:19:32
  So I don't know if that was Circle or cyclical and went off
• 1:19:37
  in different directions but, you know, you have to live with
• 1:19:40
  yourself. That's just sum it up is, you
• 1:19:43
  know, If you don't like the life, you're living the
• 1:19:45
  feelings, you feel, it's time to do some introspection and say
• 1:19:50
  and ask the question, why the end of the day?
• 1:19:54
  What I've learned from Philosophy, from sociology from
• 1:19:56
  history, you got to ask, why? Why did this happen?
• 1:20:01
  Why do I feel this way? Why am I the way I am.
• 1:20:03
  What brought me this way? Why Edible stuff.
• 1:20:09
  Can't believe how, what why is you are such a young age, man,
• 1:20:12
  Future's bright, that's what this guy's gonna be like in like
• 1:20:15
  20, 30 ideas. Like, I'm being a philosopher's
• 1:20:18
  stone there and just like, mmm, I'm sure serious.
• 1:20:23
  Not believe it ladies and thank you.
• 1:20:28
  Yeah. My favorite question I ask every
• 1:20:30
  guest. What's the biggest life lesson
• 1:20:32
  you've learned so far? I think the thing that is hit
• 1:20:40
  me, the hardest recently and this is why I've been saying it
• 1:20:45
  so much is. I am who I am and not in the
• 1:20:49
  sense of, oh, I am who I am. Don't judge me for this.
• 1:20:52
  It's, I am who I am. That is the core of me in the
• 1:20:57
  concept of Noah, Martin is me. And so, I've spent so much of my
• 1:21:03
  life with this imposter syndrome with a shadow chasing after You
• 1:21:07
  saying man, you're never going to be as hot as Hugh Jackman.
• 1:21:11
  You're never going to get a lead role and B, if you know, Captain
• 1:21:14
  America or you're not the next Orson Welles, you're not these
• 1:21:18
  things, but the ability to sit down and say, you're right, I'm
• 1:21:23
  not these things, but I am me was the best.
• 1:21:30
  Life moment, I've had finally realizing that it's me.
• 1:21:38
  No, I think that's something that's it.
• 1:21:40
  That's it. A brilliant life lesson, isn't
• 1:21:42
  it? Because I think, I think it's it
• 1:21:44
  kind of goes back to what we were saying before.
• 1:21:45
  About not comparing yourself to others and not finding
• 1:21:48
  disappointment in that. Like I think as long as you are
• 1:21:53
  being yourself to your fullest extent that you are a success
• 1:21:59
  because you have successfully mastered the art of Being you,
• 1:22:03
  you know, Sony Society that's created this illusion that you
• 1:22:06
  have to have like Millions of dollars and be the most
• 1:22:09
  successful person ever, and have the shiniest white teeth like
• 1:22:13
  that, still bullshit and plus that stuff, doesn't matter.
• 1:22:16
  When, you know you're six feet under, let's be real.
• 1:22:20
  Now, people talk about Legacy and stuff and I get that but,
• 1:22:24
  you know, people move on quickly when someone dies, you know,
• 1:22:28
  it's like, As harsh as it sounds like life moves on.
• 1:22:33
  Without you. Some see got be in the moment.
• 1:22:37
  You got be alive now and make the best of it and enjoy it, and
• 1:22:41
  do your best to have a positive impact, ultimately people's
• 1:22:45
  opinions, don't matter, because in 200 years, everyone who had
• 1:22:51
  the pinion good or bad against you, they're dead.
• 1:22:55
  That's, it's a simple as that. Like, everyone is dead and like
• 1:22:59
  I Said you might believe in heaven, you might believe in
• 1:23:03
  reincarnation or what other afterlife's there are.
• 1:23:08
  But everyone who's on Earth is dead.
• 1:23:11
  Just imagine for a second, right?
• 1:23:13
  That someone in 200 years from now is watching this.
• 1:23:20
  Hello? Hello.
• 1:23:23
  Oh my get, well, along with long dead but hello, hope you got
• 1:23:28
  something from this. It's It's that idea of like the
• 1:23:33
  internet is still so new. It is a concept that has never
• 1:23:36
  been thought of before and so there's a whole bunch of things
• 1:23:40
  that are the Wild West like podcasting is still corporates
• 1:23:43
  are making their way in. But Indie podcasters are the
• 1:23:46
  most successful and like they're the most unique, all of these
• 1:23:49
  different things and the internet was that way.
• 1:23:52
  And the idea of the internet, lasting for two hundred years
• 1:23:55
  with no nuclear war or whatever, Devastation, whatever apocalypse
• 1:23:59
  and the ability for people. Put a come back and say, like,
• 1:24:02
  use us as research to say, this is what it was like to be in
• 1:24:08
  early podcasting. Yes, teaching, you know Children
• 1:24:13
  of the future. It's just, it's mind-blowing to
• 1:24:16
  me this concept of we could be used in the future as history of
• 1:24:22
  like yeah, no, I totally agree with you.
• 1:24:23
  I think about this all the time, this idea that like because
• 1:24:26
  everything is documented right now, like so much is Demented.
• 1:24:30
  And that's unheard of like, if me and you want to look at like
• 1:24:33
  what life was like in the 50s and 60s, we can see Clips, you
• 1:24:36
  can see photos, but that's it. It's not really the same.
• 1:24:39
  Whereas now, I mean, like, okay, this is a bit out there, but was
• 1:24:43
  watching this, this wrestling show the other day and I was
• 1:24:46
  just watching it, just, just appreciating it for what it was.
• 1:24:49
  And then I start to think about, like in a hundred years from
• 1:24:52
  now. You'll still be able to see
• 1:24:54
  this. And these people will be long
• 1:24:56
  dead, but it looks like it happened yesterday.
• 1:24:59
  And that kind of blows my mind, like, where technology has
• 1:25:02
  gotten to a point now where it's so pristine and you know, it's
• 1:25:06
  like will age like even I look at, you know, videos of myself a
• 1:25:11
  year or two ago and it's like, it could have happened
• 1:25:13
  yesterday, but that was two years ago and so much has
• 1:25:16
  changed and I look different and, you know, everything still,
• 1:25:21
  my first episode is my voice when I was 17.
• 1:25:26
  Hmm. So I released And at the end,
• 1:25:29
  like, here's the thing, I've had a deep voice since I was in
• 1:25:31
  Middle School since like, sixth grade.
• 1:25:33
  I was an early Bloomer. I like, you know, I had all my
• 1:25:37
  voice cracks got that out of the way.
• 1:25:39
  He's a murderer, it's a, but I like how that was a bad thing,
• 1:25:53
  you know, like, I remember like I get the voice cracks as well
• 1:25:56
  but then my voice my voice drop to like 12.
• 1:25:58
  Well I was early Bloomer and people were like who?
• 1:26:02
  And I'm like well what so my voice has dropped lower like
• 1:26:05
  that's that's a good thing. No I mean I don't know I think
• 1:26:08
  it is at least I don't sound like this right now man.
• 1:26:12
  Then yeah. What God?
• 1:26:17
  And yeah I mean that's the thing with kids and ever going through
• 1:26:21
  puberty and all that they just are mean if you are different in
• 1:26:26
  any way whatsoever. Oh my God.
• 1:26:29
  It is differences wow. Like sure whatever everyone has
• 1:26:35
  that stage of their life where they're either the bully or
• 1:26:38
  they're the ones being bullied or maybe even both where they're
• 1:26:41
  pointing out the differences in these other people and then 20
• 1:26:43
  years later, they go oh my God. Why did I ever do that?
• 1:26:47
  Because that's so normal of living the life that I was
• 1:26:51
  living and you know the differences that everyone had to
• 1:26:54
  me there's this ultimate irony you see people that were bullies
• 1:26:58
  He's at school. The now I like advocating for
• 1:27:03
  mental health and Oliver said I did.
• 1:27:06
  I just find that? Is that one of those life's
• 1:27:08
  cruel ironies? It's like, don't you remember
• 1:27:10
  what you were like at school? You were a jackass.
• 1:27:13
  You were horrible. You cause the like people misery
• 1:27:18
  and you don't even recognize that.
• 1:27:19
  And now you're like oh yeah metal hell.
• 1:27:21
  I mean I got I suppose in a way, it's good, be finally realized
• 1:27:24
  but you never see them apologizing for it and So it
• 1:27:30
  depends on how real the person is and true to themselves.
• 1:27:33
  They are because they might have like what we were talking about
• 1:27:36
  earlier with forgiveness that introspection of looking back
• 1:27:39
  and saying, oh my God, I was this way, I was this awful
• 1:27:42
  person, a lot of the times, what happens with bullies is and
• 1:27:45
  that's what the Studies have shown is their hurt and some
• 1:27:48
  other way. Yeah.
• 1:27:49
  Like the reason that they're an asshole and now they're
• 1:27:53
  advocating about mental health is, they could have been
• 1:27:56
  mentally abused, or physically abused or I had these like
• 1:28:00
  deaths in the family or divorce or like all of these awful,
• 1:28:03
  things happen in their private life that made them, this awful
• 1:28:06
  person. And now is the reason why
• 1:28:08
  they're advocating for it. Because maybe if that stuff
• 1:28:11
  hadn't happened, or if it happened differently, they
• 1:28:15
  wouldn't have been that way. They would have been better
• 1:28:17
  person or, you know. So I said it's that point.
• 1:28:20
  Yeah, no, I don't disagree that in many cases that that could be
• 1:28:23
  the case. For sure that doesn't negate
• 1:28:26
  what they did because ultimately Um, this is one of the life
• 1:28:30
  advice things I learned yesterday, this concept of you
• 1:28:37
  lives on forever. And so even though this idea of,
• 1:28:40
  you know, we're all going to die and we're recording this now.
• 1:28:43
  And then you know in two hours I can look back on it and it is
• 1:28:46
  this recording the perfect encapsulation of what happened
• 1:28:50
  at 11:34. A.m. eastern standard time in
• 1:28:53
  Ohio, in my apartment but this Immortal version Of you lives on
• 1:29:00
  in everyone's mind and sometimes you're the bad guy, sometimes
• 1:29:04
  you're the good guy but that's how you live on forever.
• 1:29:06
  That's the soul. That's the spirit.
• 1:29:08
  That's what ever it is. You want to call it.
• 1:29:11
  This idea of you like for me, you will live on as this guy
• 1:29:18
  from England or the UK, I know that can get touchy sometimes
• 1:29:22
  I've got a friend who's A from the UK and refuse a grew up in
• 1:29:26
  England, but refuses to be a part of England.
• 1:29:30
  Scottish. Okay.
• 1:29:33
  All right, yeah, yeah, makes sense.
• 1:29:35
  But that's the thing. Is this idea of you will live on
• 1:29:41
  forever in my mind as this person who talked with me in
• 1:29:44
  this person who had a deep and interesting conversation, you
• 1:29:48
  might not be that way. You might be a complete asshole
• 1:29:50
  or you might be like this amazing person.
• 1:29:52
  But that's the thing is like exactly is like you are forever
• 1:29:56
  going to appear as though her. And in my mind From This Moment.
• 1:30:01
  Yeah. So that's immortality.
• 1:30:04
  That's how you live on forever. Like when I, when I talk to
• 1:30:07
  people because I was always friends with younger people or
• 1:30:11
  older people, there's never anyone in my grade.
• 1:30:13
  I was friends with and somebody reached out to me yesterday
• 1:30:16
  after I posted my episode and said, hey I finally listened to
• 1:30:18
  you and I just went huge circle. Finally, back to when I was 17,
• 1:30:22
  I had a certain voice and she goes, I listen to your most
• 1:30:26
  recent episode and then I listened to your first episode
• 1:30:29
  And I can hear you just the change.
• 1:30:32
  You've been through, from most recent episode to that first
• 1:30:37
  episode, all of these years. And I knew you, when you were
• 1:30:41
  17, I knew you, when you were the way you were, and I looked
• 1:30:46
  up to you, but you are also an asshole and it's good to see
• 1:30:50
  that like you've changed your, not the person you were now.
• 1:30:53
  I never bully people. Like, if anything I believed
• 1:30:56
  myself, but, uh, that was That's like a very eye-opening moment
• 1:31:02
  of my God, for four or five years.
• 1:31:06
  Now, I've lived on in her mind as this older teenager, who was
• 1:31:13
  the way he was? I was angry.
• 1:31:14
  I was pessimistic, done it. Like, I had those qualities.
• 1:31:18
  I've still wise ish and like, charismatic and I could talk
• 1:31:21
  with people and hold conversations, but I was a lot
• 1:31:24
  more - of a person. And so that's lived on forever
• 1:31:28
  permanently. Someone else's mind as who I was
• 1:31:34
  now. It's not necessarily who I am
• 1:31:35
  now, but it's still that's immortality.
• 1:31:39
  Like you live forever. In somebody else's mind, weird.
• 1:31:46
  I got my parade at hurts that you're right.
• 1:31:49
  You're right. I think, I think well, I always
• 1:31:51
  thought my hope is always that whoever you are Even the people
• 1:31:57
  that, you know, I've disliked over the years I've had fallen
• 1:32:00
  out with, I do always wish them the best and I hope that they're
• 1:32:03
  in a good place now because I think when you've gone through,
• 1:32:07
  hell yourself and come out the other side. he does kind of give
• 1:32:12
  you can kind of give me can kind of give you like a new
• 1:32:18
  appreciation for life and For the just improving getting
• 1:32:25
  better. Like, yeah.
• 1:32:27
  Okay. Once you're an asshole, you made
• 1:32:28
  a mistake like, for instance, you know, there's been times
• 1:32:31
  when I've made mistakes and people say they forgive me, but
• 1:32:35
  then, they don't really. Yeah.
• 1:32:37
  And I'm like, feeling in their heart.
• 1:32:39
  I like, and I get that, I get that.
• 1:32:42
  So it forgiving someone is hard sometimes.
• 1:32:44
  Particularly if you really, if you've really heard them, it's
• 1:32:47
  it is hard. It's a process.
• 1:32:49
  But I think ultimately, it's like we were Discussing before.
• 1:32:53
  It's like you got to do it for you.
• 1:32:57
  You know, it's not so much for the other person, it's for you
• 1:33:00
  because it will make you a better person ultimately, you
• 1:33:03
  know, and it will make your life better by affording forgiveness
• 1:33:07
  and stuff. And just remembering that you
• 1:33:10
  know, like us as human beings where We're an imperfect work of
• 1:33:15
  art, you know? And we're constantly we're never
• 1:33:18
  going to be perfect the best weekend ever do is our best and
• 1:33:22
  try to just do right by each other and by ourselves and and
• 1:33:25
  hope that that's enough. You know, I say or I call it an
• 1:33:32
  imperfect Perfection. Yeah.
• 1:33:35
  It's this. I don't remember that
• 1:33:39
  grammatical term for, you know, a square circle or You know I
• 1:33:45
  think that are complete opposites but in this case it's
• 1:33:48
  very true if this imperfect Perfection because we are
• 1:33:51
  perfect at being imperfect and so because we are perfect up
• 1:33:55
  being imperfect will never be perfect but it's something we're
• 1:33:58
  perfect at meaning that we will continuously be imperfect.
• 1:34:03
  Like there will be times where the, you know, your wife's
• 1:34:05
  yelling at you and you're normally a calm and collected
• 1:34:08
  person but this one thing throws you over the edge and you yell
• 1:34:11
  back or, you know, We will constantly fail which is you
• 1:34:19
  know it's a Christian teaching, its Hindu teaching, it's a
• 1:34:23
  Buddhist teaching. The best you can do is become
• 1:34:27
  the best that you are or will be, which is something that
• 1:34:34
  every single person on this planet, whether they are
• 1:34:37
  consciously doing it or subconsciously doing it striving
• 1:34:41
  towards everyone has goals and wants and desires, which is why,
• 1:34:46
  you know, characters are interesting to us.
• 1:34:49
  Because we see their goals and wants and desires, and we see
• 1:34:52
  how they go about trying to do it, but that's why every single
• 1:34:55
  A human is a character is somebody that has these goals
• 1:34:59
  and wants and desires, which is why I love communication so much
• 1:35:04
  and talking with other people because you talk with these
• 1:35:07
  people. And you see, oh my God, they're
• 1:35:10
  in their origin story right now. They're because I compare
• 1:35:13
  everything to stories because that's what I do is I write
• 1:35:15
  stories, they're in their origin story.
• 1:35:18
  They're just now getting ready to have that moment.
• 1:35:23
  That defining moment that says the I Moment, the moment that
• 1:35:26
  tells them, I need to go out and do this.
• 1:35:28
  I need to learn this. I need to become a different
• 1:35:30
  person. I need to become president, I
• 1:35:33
  know, I need, I need to do this thing.
• 1:35:35
  This is me and then you see them on their Journey like that.
• 1:35:40
  I want moment happen too early for me.
• 1:35:43
  But for my therapist, I was talking to yesterday, his I want
• 1:35:46
  moment, hit him. When he was 69 years old, he
• 1:35:49
  lived his entire life for the Imposter syndrome and then it
• 1:35:52
  wasn't until last year like That hit him.
• 1:35:56
  Wow, ones. That's the thing is, like,
• 1:35:59
  everyone is on their story, on their journey to becoming a
• 1:36:02
  better person and it might never happen because there are
• 1:36:06
  supporting characters who I guess not even supporting
• 1:36:10
  characters because that kind of diminishes the person but there
• 1:36:13
  are characters who will never complete their story.
• 1:36:16
  But ultimately that's what they're trying to do is complete
• 1:36:20
  their story. Amazing way of putting it
• 1:36:23
  really, really amazing. A very visual person.
• 1:36:26
  That's that's kind of how I've got to look at.
• 1:36:28
  It, is this I don't know. It's a visualization for me.
• 1:36:34
  As we draw things to a close for today.
• 1:36:35
  Do you have any upcoming projects or some final thoughts?
• 1:36:38
  You'd like to share with our listeners?
• 1:36:41
  Yeah, so I always doing new things.
• 1:36:46
  Always doing different things. So this season has probably four
• 1:36:50
  episodes left. You can listen, you can go off.
• 1:36:54
  Do all your call to actions do. Follow us on Facebook.
• 1:36:56
  Twitter, Instagram, go for my podcast pullover retrospection
• 1:37:00
  radio www.recepttura.com. Of course, I'm going to have to
• 1:37:04
  plug but if you've liked what I said, the stuff that I like Talk
• 1:37:11
  about this goes to everyone listening or, you know, you
• 1:37:15
  who's also listening. I do this through my works.
• 1:37:20
  And right now I'm working on a mini documentary about men's
• 1:37:23
  mental health and trying to bring awareness to suicide rates
• 1:37:27
  for men. Because what happens is men, get
• 1:37:30
  depressed? They don't talk about it and
• 1:37:33
  then everyone goes, oh my God. I wish I had known.
• 1:37:36
  After they're dead and that stuff is an epidemic.
• 1:37:39
  It's like that's already happened to me in my life with
• 1:37:43
  my friends and it just hurts every single time.
• 1:37:45
  Because everyone around you goes, if I had known if there
• 1:37:49
  was just one little thing like one little detail.
• 1:37:53
  I wish you know, so that's the type of stuff I care about and
• 1:37:59
  I'm constantly making that type of content.
• 1:38:01
  So if you like that type of content or think other people
• 1:38:04
  need to see that, feel free to follow or share, or do any of
• 1:38:07
  that. My next season is just a
• 1:38:10
  complete 180, it's more of a passion project for fun.
• 1:38:13
  Next season is going to be my, my Dungeons and Dragons World in
• 1:38:19
  a fantasy. Audio Drama setting.
• 1:38:21
  So it's action and horror and just, you know, I don't know
• 1:38:28
  why. I just, I felt like doing that
• 1:38:30
  but I just do a lot of that stuff that stuff constantly
• 1:38:36
  being made for me or by me. And then the advice I would give
• 1:38:42
  is I have this thing and you said it earlier where I like end
• 1:38:47
  up inspiring people to get up and go out and like I never feel
• 1:38:51
  that inspiration by me. I just I never do.
• 1:38:53
  Its part of the Imposter syndrome is like everyone
• 1:38:56
  listens and they go oh my God that guy's inspiring, he knows
• 1:38:58
  himself, he knows these things. And then I'm like, I don't know
• 1:39:02
  who I am. I don't know what I'm doing, but
• 1:39:05
  if you do feel inspired by something that either of us have
• 1:39:09
  talked about today, Just do it. Like, take those first steps and
• 1:39:15
  the best thing to do was ask that question, why, why am I
• 1:39:19
  feeling inspired? Are you feeling inspired by the
• 1:39:21
  stories? I like to tell and talk about
• 1:39:24
  why, like, what could you do to start doing it yourself.
• 1:39:28
  Are you feeling inspired because of this idea?
• 1:39:32
  Forgiveness, where you have to introspect and love yourself and
• 1:39:36
  be yourself? Why do you feel that?
• 1:39:38
  And how can you go about feeling that?
• 1:39:41
  More. So I just am encouraging.
• 1:39:46
  Taking those first steps, those introspection steps, those
• 1:39:49
  Creative Steps to go off and start because everyone starts
• 1:39:55
  from somewhere and I'm by no means successful to other
• 1:39:58
  people, but I'm successful to myself.
• 1:40:02
  I don't get millions of downloads.
• 1:40:05
  So you know, I if I do whatever at the end of the day, I'm
• 1:40:09
  telling stories because I love telling stories, I love
• 1:40:12
  characters, I love all of that. And so I encourage you to Think
• 1:40:16
  about what is something you love and keep doing it.
• 1:40:22
  Even if it doesn't seem viable, finding your ways to do it or
• 1:40:25
  reading about it or watching YouTube videos or any of these
• 1:40:27
  things. Just keep at it.
• 1:40:30
  Like keep living life. It's okay to not be okay.
• 1:40:35
  But in my eyes, Noah you're a complete success and I'm the is
• 1:40:40
  been an absolute pleasure talking with you getting to know
• 1:40:43
  you and hearing about your passion for everything that you
• 1:40:46
  do and just your wisdom in general and excited to see what
• 1:40:50
  comes next with you. And yeah, just a massive, thank
• 1:40:53
  you for being on the show. Thank you, thank you for having
• 1:40:56
  me. I realize I reached out on
• 1:40:58
  probably read it or Facebook or something, it was just like,
• 1:41:01
  hey, let's just who I am, this is sound interesting.
• 1:41:03
  Okay, let's schedule a date. Let's, it always goes like that
• 1:41:08
  and then, you know, it's always nice when it ends like this and
• 1:41:11
  you kind of feel that connection or, you know, whatever you want
• 1:41:16
  to call it. That understanding safely,
• 1:41:19
  appreciate it. Thanks for having me on.
• 1:41:20
  I love, I love talking. It's what I like to do.
• 1:41:24
  So thank you so much. Best of luck in the future with
• 1:41:28
  everything that you do and to the listeners of the Christian
• 1:41:31
  Reef podcast. Make sure that you go check out.
• 1:41:33
  Now, might Martin's work it. It's fantastic.
• 1:41:36
  And yeah, I think you should definitely go check that out and
• 1:41:41
  as always be safe, be well and I'll see you in the next one.