Latest / The Danger Zoo / Zmey Gorynych Part 2

Transcript

Zmey Gorynych Part 2 · The Danger Zoo

0:02
Password accepted. Welcome to the Danger Zoo.
0:07
Welcome everyone to the Danger Zoo, the Department of Anomalous
0:11
and non human Genetic entities, Reconnaissance and zoological
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occult operations. I am Coyote, your game warden.
0:19
So what happened last time Tadeh?
0:22
Well, So what happened last time was we were in the Chamber of
0:27
Secrets, playing in the kiddie pools, chasing a child and then.
0:33
All of that sounds terrible. Is it wrong though?
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Yes. I I don't think it's wrong.
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But I almost put my hands on that kid.
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Yeah, but then this lifeguard dude showed up and told us to
0:45
stop playing in the kiddie pool. Yeah, they got Flaming Sword and
0:48
we, we fought them. We, we actually did pretty good
0:50
against him. And then he decided that he's
0:52
like, tired of letting us live or something, so now we got to
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go teach this old man a lesson. How many times you going to
0:59
teach you this lesson, old man? Yeah.
1:01
So you guys are doing fairly well.
1:03
He started with A95HP and you got him down to 27, which is
1:09
impressive for us to say the very least.
1:12
I mean, we're God killers. You aren't God killers.
1:16
He's looking for the guy known as the God Killer.
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Yeah, we're in disguise. That's us.
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No, he, he has the blood of the God killer.
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Don't worry, the blood of the God killer is going to show up.
1:28
We've killed gods. Anyways, mission start Thoughty
1:34
and Baby Bird have both gone up a level.
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You guys want to talk about the new equipment you got?
1:39
Hell yeah. I'm a Nazi now.
1:44
No. Oh, what?
1:46
Hold on. In the midst of this battle,
1:49
Baby Bird looks down and he sees a helmet, one that is familiar
1:54
to him. Not him personally, but his DNA
1:57
recognizes it. She Kyle.
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From years ago. His blood curdles.
2:03
His blood curdles as he takes a look at it.
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It's a German helmet from a World War 2, and he picks it up
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and there's a big old Star of David painted and carved into
2:15
the front of it, and he slaps that bad boy on.
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What's it called Baby Bird? I even oh man, I didn't know I
2:25
could think of a name for it. There, there's already a name
2:28
for it. Pull up the stats.
2:30
Oh shit, hold on, it is called. Well, share with the class.
2:39
Steel Dome of reparations, but I do have my thermal imaging
2:48
goggles attached to them. Yeah, absolutely.
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Old school meets new school. Tell us what does.
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Read us the description please. Where's the description?
3:00
Motherfucker, keep reading. Oh shit, you add, you added
3:05
stuff. Dude, are you drunk?
3:07
Maybe. A repurposed World War 2 era
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German steel helmet painted matte black and reforged with
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ballistic plating. Damn.
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The front bears a Star of David. The surface is dented, scorched,
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and clearly seen action, but it's solid as hell despite its
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origin. It's been claimed, defaced, and
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repurposed. Now a symbol of defiance, not
3:32
allegiance. The effect?
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It grants +2 AC while worn. Flavor line.
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Don't worry about the history, worry about the head butt.
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Uh huh. You have the highest AC now.
3:45
You got 8, you got 23. I do.
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While that is going on, we also have Thoddy who's punching this
3:52
dragon in the face. Thoddy pick your left or right
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hand. Left.
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As you hit him with a left, something deep inside you down
4:03
in your cockles stirs. By what?
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And memories of your cockles. I said it right.
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Maybe you beneath the cockles a subcockle area.
4:13
No, no, in the cockles something stirs, something of a memory.
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Long ago in Thailand, a fiery clapping feeling reignites in
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your body and it rewrites the symbolism on your glove and it
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turns into a transmutation circle like Roy Mustang from
4:33
Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood. So the fire from your loins now
4:39
creates fires in your fists, and now your left fist can do fire
4:44
damage. Please read us your new glove.
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OK. Told you you'd either love it or
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hate it. So it's called the Scorched
4:54
Transferred app, also known as the STD once struck.
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Once struck by the STD, the opponent must make ADC 13 saving
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throw or take one hit Point of Quote UN Quote fire damage each
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turn until the issue is resolved.
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Issues is also equal in quotes. I was about to say, joke's on
5:26
you, it'll never be resolved. No.
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Also I went up a level. I'm level 4 boys.
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How did you level up? You've been fishing for the past
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like 4 sessions. It's called supervising.
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Just because I don't do work, I still get paid.
5:45
Yeah, see the and the one doing all the work dies and I'm still
5:48
level one. That's.
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Bullshit. Exactly, and then the officers
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get medals for it. Pretty much, yeah.
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I'm, I'm going to tell you what mine is, but you'll see how it
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works later on. I got the mascara de Los ente
6:03
pesaros. I'm seeing masks, lots of masks.
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Ancestral mask in Spanish basically, or mask of the
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ancestors? Oh, I thought you said.
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I thought you said Incestral Mask My.
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Dad, no, I'm from Tennessee, but not all that part.
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Well, I am from that part of Tennessee, but I'm not that
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Tennessee. This is more the Hispanic side.
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Anyways, so this is headgear because Baby Bird and I both
6:30
went for headgear this time. So Google Translate does says
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that actually stands for Massacre of the Ancestors.
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Well, I'm also like Spain, Spanish, so it's kind of bright
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either way to be honest. They were massacring each other
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way before we got there. Plus, there should be an accent
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over there anyways. It is a sleek dark blue luchador
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mask made of enchanted umberless bright blue flame patterns rise
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along the cheeks, and a silver cross is stitched across the
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forehead and down the nose. When Coyote wears it, the mask
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seems to ripple slightly with ancestral energy.
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Especially where the yelling starts.
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You guys will hear the yelling later on.
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All non human enemies within 30 feet must make a will save or
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become shake it for one round. Immune creatures are instead
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flat footed for one round if they fail.
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So that's cool and all, but you're never within 30 feet of
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an enemy, so. I am sometimes.
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Whenever he puts a mask on, a song plays near him.
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Yeah. No, it goes.
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I am. I am.
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I'm glad I am. All right, back to the dragon
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fighting. As we're going at this guy,
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Pretty Kitty just sees just a random butterfly just fly in and
8:00
he is focus pool. He's just sitting over there.
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He sits cross legged, puts his rifle over his lap, and he is
8:06
out of the fight, to no one's surprise.
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That is part of his character A. 100% it's really helpful when
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he's not here that often. Anyways, let's see what
8:19
happened. Last time I was in May was like
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he was done with this shit and he's about to go absolutely ham.
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Let me pull up his stats. Wait, who is he looking at
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again? He's still fixed up, thought he.
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No, no, no, you're a little ninja ING behind him.
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I want to be ninja. Nope.
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Why not? Dude, that is such a good song.
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Anyways, he's going to roll an attack.
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Thought he just to kick this off.
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OK. Thought he What's your AC girl?
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I think it's at 20 right now because of the shield.
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So 15 + 4 is 19. Not quite.
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This guy goes to rake at you with flaming claw, but when he
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hits you, you put up your left fist and it's just fire on fire
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and when he hits it it, it upsets him a little bit.
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You don't know why but it definitely doesn't feel OK.
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He's like something's wrong with your fire for sure.
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It doesn't. It's not contagious.
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It doesn't transfer to him. No, not on, not a reaction, only
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on action. Only if you touch him
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inappropriately. If you give him the uncle's
9:27
special touch. Oh, OK, OK.
9:32
Moving on, it's out of your up. OK.
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Is he still like in the same spot?
9:38
Yeah, he hasn't moved. He just swiped at you.
9:40
OK, well I guess I'll, I'll, I'm going to hit him with the old
9:46
shock and awe. Shock and awe is a response.
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Not my bad, not shock and awe the the the knuckle shuffles.
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Very well, proceed. All righty 20 Von.
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No, it doesn't hit anymore. Used to 21.
10:08
OK. Not so much anymore.
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OK, I get it. Yeah, I guess I forgot to go
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over this when he said he was tired of waiting and he like
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stood taller and like you can see the facade of his human
10:19
character starts to break and he's kind of scaly now.
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He's still human ish looking but imagine Killer Croc from Batman
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is what he looks like. He's a full 2 feet taller.
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Like he's almost having the duck from this ceiling.
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So if you're going to hit him, it's not going to be in the face
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unless you jump. OK, so basically have to roll in
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that 20s and hit him. Got it.
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No, no, but you do have to roll high.
10:50
Thanks. Moving on, who is it baby bird?
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Your turn. I'm gonna shoot him with my
10:57
shotgun, see what he does. Send it.
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OK. Shoot that boomstick.
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That's a 2. Hell yeah.
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Give me damage. Hazy's about to lose an eye.
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God damn it. Dude, you should say, you should
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say you should see if you can headbutt him with your Jew
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helmet and like if like coins will fall out of them like
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shekels. There's a three.
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Like Scott Pilgrim versus the world.
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Yeah. Three damage, all right, you
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blast him and it just like completely misses him and hit he
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it's pretty Kitty laying him out on the ground over there.
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He is out of Commission. Good job.
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I, I yelled. 9 Whoops. I'm going to play the best
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Spartan soldier I can and just try to spear him right in the
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back of like the sweet spot behind the knee.
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Said it. 13. OK, OK, yeah, you got to stab
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him and it just gets caught in one of his creases and actually
12:00
now the spear is stuck in the back of his leg.
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It has caused him no damage and you can't remove it.
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Motherfucker. But gentlemen, as this fighting
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is going on, Zamay stops and he sniffs.
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The God killer is here. I swear to God, if you walk
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through this door, I am. I'm I'm quitting.
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If you hear from the entryway and I come running in this
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motherfucker, oh God, wait, could you, could you guys hear
12:31
the yell? Yes, yeah.
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Good. No, I didn't hear it.
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Yeah, do it again. And so I come running in and I
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throw a water balloon of holy water at the maze, smashing him
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in the face. It's a Nat 20 so he is stunned
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from my scream. Everyone else is good to go.
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Weirdly enough, Sammy also seems to be stunned from my scream.
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No taker, write that down. Anyways, hitting this guy with a
13:02
all the water balloon gives him one point of damage.
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I've done my part, gentlemen. I need a hero.
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I hope, I hope that he focuses all his attacks on you now.
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Actually, he is. He is going to turn around at
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that point because I hit him with holy water.
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So he's kind of upset his spaghetti.
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But the problem is Hazy's right there.
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So he turns around, and now, now the.
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Spirit stares at me. Awesome, this spirit I lost my
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only thing I had everybody. This spirit is still stuck in
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his leg and it hits Thoddy when he swings around, and it's his
13:41
turn now, so let's see if he does.
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Flaming Chlo and Hazy. Oh, he oh, wait, no, he's
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stunned. He can't go.
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Yeah, so he didn't even turn around yet.
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That's my bad. I'm a bad DM, Thought he'd send
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it before he turns around. Yeah, I'm gonna, oh, wait,
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Actually, I was thinking about this earlier.
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So you know how I used that crowbar in my inventory as an
14:00
improvised weapon sometimes? See.
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Can I combine that with Zeus's knuckle shuffles to electrify
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the crowbar? You absolutely can.
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Oh hell yeah, baby. Good prop Source of conductor.
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22 does a 22 land? This time A22 does land give me
14:20
some damage and double it. I gotta do a lot of math.
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I have a lot of stuff stacked right now.
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You do have quite a bit stacked. OK, so 6 points of damage and he
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stumped. He's stunned again for six
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points of damage, bringing him down to 20 HP.
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Gentlemen. You.
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Baby bird, get him. I noticed that that fucking kid
14:48
is stunned when you came in and laughed like a fucking maniac
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because I'm so perceptive. That's how I noticed.
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I'm going to leap over pool 8 to attempt to tackle this kid and
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figure out what the fuck is going on.
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Jesus Christ. OK, give me an athletics role.
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15. Oh yeah, you jump across and you
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nail this little kid who just knock him down and he goes, oh
15:12
stop, stop it hurting my arm. How come you can only land
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attacks on the child? What the fuck, man?
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I feel I I know where my calling is.
15:24
I thought you were Jewish. Not Catholic, actually.
15:27
You know, nowadays it's been revealed that's reversed.
15:31
Little kids are molesting Jews. Sure what?
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What? Hold up.
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If that's if, that's what, if that's what you gather from
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that, go for it dude. I'm a registered Republican,
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which means I seize. No.
15:44
Rut Row. Raggy.
15:47
All right. Anyways, moving on.
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Hey Z, it's your turn. Please do something not not to a
15:54
child. Oh, I really was about to too.
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Is he looking at me or? No, I've got him.
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Hold the hell down for you. I was.
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Going to say I was surprised by the attack behind me and just
16:08
like turn around and soccer kick the kid in the face.
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All right, give me a melee attack.
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Let's. Do it.
16:14
What the fuck? Fuck this kid.
16:18
You guys are going to die again. I've been on death's door.
16:23
I know it awaits me. Aw man 11.
16:27
OK, you go to kick this kid and you kick baby birds square in
16:31
the side. Give me damage.
16:33
Damn it, we had D4. Which what?
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D43. Three points AD.
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My bad, my bad bro, I panicked. He gets to go.
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Oh no, he's stunned for this round.
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I get to go. Well, I'm going to fucking hit
16:53
baby bird. Let's see.
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I'm going to go. I'm going to try and Spartan
16:57
kick you off him. Oh, I run over and I miss baby
17:01
bird and I hit Hazy square in the nuts again.
17:04
All right. With Three Stooges over here,
17:07
what the fuck is going on? It's only one pointed damage.
17:09
You're fine. All right, Thought of you're up,
17:12
I guess, fighting by yourself because Hazy turned away from
17:15
him, so he's not flanked anymore.
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So it's you're going to lose that +2.
17:18
Also, all of your roles are -2 I must remind you guys because
17:22
this guy is sucking all the oxygen out of the room.
17:25
Oh yeah, anywho. This was supposed to be a puzzle
17:30
episode. Anywho, I well, I guess I'm just
17:35
going to attack the dragon homie again while The Three Musketeers
17:40
assault a child. I'm not assaulting the child,
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I'm trying to assist him. Yeah, yeah, I was going to
17:48
attack him with my crowbar regularly this time.
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OK, wait, with no Zeus's knuckle shuffle.
17:55
No, I can only use it once per per short short rest.
17:58
But until I start taking HP, yeah.
18:01
You're supposed to take one HP every time you do it.
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You've. Been have you been taken off
18:06
your HP each time you do it? I am now.
18:10
OK, how many times have you used it to this point?
18:13
So I'm dead now. Specifics.
18:17
I'm bleeding from my eyes, is this bad?
18:22
Just twice. Just twice.
18:24
OK, good enough. Yeah, so I'm just going to do a
18:28
regular crowbar. Say that one in the back pocket.
18:32
Here with a regular crowbar, that's a. 20/30/20.
18:38
Yeah, you smash him in the face and he doesn't even move.
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He's like Dolph Lundgren and Rocky Four.
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He just stares at you and he's like, if you die, you fucking
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die. Yeah, I just rolled damage.
18:53
It's going to you because I don't like you.
18:57
It's AHP. What the fuck?
18:59
What damage? The damage that I landed on you.
19:04
Oh, you were swinging at me. No, no, no.
19:07
I'm gonna say what the fuck? Yeah.
19:10
No, no damage is done to him. You hit him and nothing.
19:13
Well, I'm getting tired of these games.
19:14
I'm going to pull out my gun and try to shoot him in the back of
19:18
the head. Double tap.
19:20
What gun do you have now? Don't I have both my pistols
19:23
still? No man, you have a whole new
19:25
character. What weapons do you have?
19:28
Someone didn't read their stack sheet?
19:31
Oh, fuck me. Oh, damn. 1 suppressed 9
19:34
millimetre. Yeah, I got, I got one.
19:37
I got I got 9 millimetre. All right, yeah, Fire that
19:39
thing. So it says both guns right there
19:43
too. It's like I have two.
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Oh I forgot to delete that part my bad.
19:49
I'm sorry for getting drunken editing stuff.
19:51
Leave me alone. Do I have any added for that or
19:56
just a straight roll? No, I mean you get a + 2 now.
20:01
Well, I mean, it's going to be Dex, which is 4, so that's
20:04
pretty good, and +2 because you're flanking him.
20:07
So that's +6. Yeah, all.
20:11
Right 24. That hits give me damage.
20:15
Let's do it. Is that one D6?
20:18
Is there? Oh, a fucking 6.
20:23
Oh, he's at 14. He just kind of kneels down.
20:27
Oh, yeah, baby. And he's like, shaking.
20:29
And he's like looking around and he looks up at Thadi and he says
20:35
this is beneath me. It seems like you're beneath me,
20:40
old man. No, Oh no, he it's not his turn,
20:46
but he goes to escape, right? And so he tries to do like a
20:50
solar flare from Dragon Ball Z kind of thing, but, you know,
20:52
with the fire out of his mouth and his eyes.
20:54
Counterspell, however. What counterspell are you going
20:58
to do? I don't know, I just want to see
21:00
what you would do. Well, he rolls a three, so I
21:05
guess holding up that mirror shield is the counterspell
21:08
because he goes to flash you, but he flashes himself and he's
21:10
like and he walks backwards and he falls into pool number six
21:18
and he just starts bubbling. He just starts screaming, just
21:21
thrashing in the waters. It's not the heat that's killing
21:26
him, it's the holy water that's burning through him.
21:29
And then you just see a dragon deformed human hand reach out
21:35
and instead of giving you the thumbs up like the Terminator
21:38
does, it just gives us all the finger as it sinks down into the
21:41
pool. I dive into the pool after him
21:43
so I can beat his corpse. Why?
21:46
But he but he has my spear. That's right.
21:49
He Yeah. Yeah, I'm going after the spear.
21:50
I'm going after the spear. No.
21:52
Fuck that. I'll I'll, I'll get you right
21:54
after the spear. I want to fight him for the
21:56
spear. But you give me an athletics
21:58
role as whoever gets the highest gets in there.
22:00
Oh, my athletics, son. Oh, dirty 20.
22:06
Damn it, well I got a dirty 3. Dirty 30.
22:17
You know what I'm going to say? Both of you actually fall in
22:19
actually, but hazy. You fall in upside down and a
22:21
bunch of that water goes up your nose and you take you take one
22:29
point of damage from water getting in your nose.
22:33
And now I'm just annoyed and done with the situation.
22:37
As this is happening, baby bird, I kick you off of the fucking
22:42
child. I'm like, get the fuck off him,
22:44
what's wrong with you? And he sits up.
22:45
He's like, I don't know what the Hell's wrong with you people,
22:48
but I don't like it here anymore.
22:50
I just want to go home. Your home is with us now.
22:53
Sorry. Sorry pal.
22:56
I take off my backpack and I give it to him and I'm like,
22:58
you're the new intern, I hope you're good at carrying shit.
23:02
I'm that boy's daddy. I'm.
23:04
Going to bully the fuck out of this kid.
23:07
Anyways, study hazy. What are you guys doing in the
23:09
pool there? I'm swimming after the dragon
23:12
corpse after the the spear. I'm going to grab him by the
23:16
Dick and twist it. Give me give me a melee check,
23:22
Cody. Give me an athletics check. 12
23:26
fuck. All right, give me the Dick
23:28
twisting roll. At 10.
23:31
Yeah, you reach you, you catch nothing.
23:34
Sons of bitches. All right, you go to grab the
23:39
spear, but as you grab the spear, it doesn't move from the
23:44
dragon skeleton and it sinks all the way to the bottom, and you
23:47
sink along with it, holding on to it.
23:49
Well, yeah, I got like insane strength.
23:51
You're telling me I can't just fucking bear down Bronco and
23:54
pull that out? It's difficult.
23:56
You're underwater. You are now 40 feet below the
23:59
surface. You could try again, but you're
24:02
getting close to running out of air 40 feet down.
24:05
OK. I'll give it one, maybe two more
24:08
chances. I mean Hazy could try and help
24:10
you or he can continue to try and grab your pee pee.
24:14
No, fuck that, I'm pissed off I'm getting.
24:16
Back out. Crank that hog.
24:18
Just get up and just cover the pool.
24:21
Nobody has it. All right, Hazy, you give me
24:24
athletics for swimming back up there.
24:26
Thought he'd give me athletics at disadvantage with trying to
24:29
pull the spirit out underwater. 12 again.
24:36
So nothing, you're still pulling.
24:37
I got oh fuck me, I got a Ford. You're, you're pulling thoughty
24:43
and you're going to, you're running out of air.
24:45
You need to leave now. You're going to start taking
24:47
damage. Hazy.
24:49
You started going up and you didn't quite make it.
24:52
You're getting kind of lost in the pool.
24:53
You can't quite find the entrance and you take one point
24:56
of damage because you're already out of breath.
24:58
Sons of bitches. So like how much damage would I
25:04
take for a turn in the water? It's going to be AD 40.
25:10
I can live with that. I'll try one more time.
25:12
Give it a shot. 16. Yeah, you're still yanking on
25:19
it. Nothing's coming out.
25:20
That thing is in the bone. And then as you're looking at
25:24
it, you notice that the electric spear has fused to the bone.
25:29
So it is like stuck together. So you're going to have to try
25:31
drag this whole guy out if you want to, if you want that.
25:34
Spirit that's just so much cooler.
25:37
Baby bird, what are you doing while this is all happening?
25:41
I see defeat with his backpack on him.
25:44
I was going to throw him in the pool, but whatever.
25:47
I walk over to the pool and look down to see what they're doing
25:50
now. You go over there, Sammy, I
25:52
instruct him to go over and pick Pretty Kitty up, and now he has
25:54
Pretty Kitty slung over his back, maybe a little packed
25:59
mule, and then I'll walk over and I'll take a look in the pool
26:01
too. I guess we're just watching now.
26:05
I see a lot of air bubbles. Can I give myself an adrenaline
26:09
shot and see if that helps? Sure, give yourself a medical
26:14
check for that. And baby bird, give me a
26:16
perception roll. That's a 17.
26:20
Wait, hold on. Eighteen.
26:25
Oh good. As we're watching this, you you
26:27
notice something out of the corner of your eye.
26:28
In the northeast corner, you see Handsome Kitty's head pop out of
26:32
the pool just a little bit. I see it, I'm going to shoot a
26:37
fucking explosive grenade at it. You're out of explosive
26:40
grenades. Fuck, I am.
26:43
Yeah. I'm going to run as hard.
26:46
Like I've never ran as hard or fast as this before, Right?
26:53
Right at him. All right, give me a roll for
26:56
initiative. 7. He rolled an 8.
27:02
I get to him like right you you get about 5 feet away from him
27:06
and he rolls out of the pool and when he does he just hit fires
27:09
you with that big iron on his hip.
27:11
Big iron on his hip. Eddie misses you.
27:16
Boom. I've got armor.
27:19
This son of a bitch hit me for six points of damage.
27:22
I'm just in the background, so I just hit the deck.
27:28
He got me in the back. The doctor says I'm going to
27:30
need a Becky out of me. Somebody help me.
27:32
I'm bleeding. I ignore your cries for help.
27:37
I grab a flash bang, I pull the pin and I leap at him, fist
27:43
extended at his face. Roll with a + 2 on that because
27:51
how are you going to miss that? 17 again.
27:54
Whoa, dirty 17. 17 It goes off, but luckily, just like Pretty
28:00
Kitty, he's got a real problem paying attention.
28:03
He kind of just closed his eyes at the last minute so he's not
28:06
flashed by it at all. And he opens his eyes and he's
28:08
just staring at you, and you're just holding a flash bang on the
28:11
ground in front of him. God damn it.
28:15
Now he's going to fire at you point blank.
28:16
Hard to miss there. What's your AC?
28:21
23. Oh, yeah, he, he fires at you
28:25
and he just ricochets all over the wall, all over the wall.
28:28
Ting Ting, Ting Ting Ting doesn't hit anybody.
28:32
This guy sticks. So it's my turn.
28:35
It is your turn again, yes. I stand there, looking taller
28:39
than I ever have, smug, looking down at him.
28:43
I grab him by the neck, both hands, and I squeeze as hard as
28:49
I can. So you're choking this guy out?
28:52
Yeah, I'm trying give. Me a I'm.
28:55
Do it my? Best give me a melee check.
28:58
Oh no. See.
29:02
Wait. Where's strength?
29:04
Where's my strength? That's a six.
29:08
Strength is 6. Jeez Louise, no.
29:11
No no my my strength is 3 but I rolled A3.
29:15
Oh yeah, you got to, you got to choke him.
29:18
And he's just like, yeah, you into this.
29:22
I'm more of a feather guy. But I mean, you do you, Boo Boo.
29:25
And then he blasts you. With what?
29:28
With a 10, he just fires again and oh, he just misses.
29:32
Just ping, ping, ping, ping. Oh wait, no, you're holding on
29:34
to him, right? So this is going to be an
29:36
advantage. Hold on 19 + 2021 two 223.
29:43
Which one you see again? He got a 23. 23.
29:48
He hits then and he does 3 points of damage to you right in
29:54
the stomach. Rude.
29:57
That's going to be a big hole. You're going to take bleed
29:59
damage with that. All right, I'm going to feel the
30:04
pain. I recoil.
30:07
My upper torso bends down and I look back up and I have C4 in my
30:11
fucking hands and I light it off.
30:15
All right, he's going to roll a reaction.
30:17
Go for it. Come on, baby. 15.
30:23
Oh. As you look down to grab your C4
30:26
and you look up just in time to set it off for him, you notice
30:30
he's gone. Oh.
30:33
All right, that's pretty. That's pretty cool.
30:34
That's thoughty hazy. What are you guys doing?
30:37
Also, baby bird, fix your stomach.
30:39
You're bleeding everywhere. OK.
30:43
Well, he just barely beat you on that roll, by the way.
30:47
Shit. I got a 15 for that adrenaline
30:49
shot. Nice.
30:52
So it works. Yeah, absolutely.
30:54
Yeah, that hits you. And so you're going to roll with
30:56
a + 2 advantage anything you do. Oh baby. +2 you say?
31:03
Yeah. I'm going to get out of the pool
31:04
crying and mad. 22. So pull the thing out or to swim
31:11
to the top. No to pull the thing out.
31:14
Yeah, you're pulling on that thing and it doesn't even,
31:16
doesn't even jiggle, man. It's it's like a 20.
31:19
It just stares at you. Yeah, with a 22.
31:22
Fine, I give up and swim up. He's he's a dragon.
31:26
How heavy do you think they are? I don't care all.
31:30
Right. You swing to, you swim to the
31:32
top, you make it out. Both you make it out and when
31:37
you guys get up there, you look up at me and I'm just looking
31:40
over at Sammy and Pretty Kitty, who's being held at gunpoint by
31:45
Handsome Kitty. I knew it.
31:51
He looks at all of you. He's like, I just want to live.
31:55
I just want out of here. What does everyone keep shooting
31:58
me and drowning me in water? So then I pull out my gun.
32:02
Because you're a faker. I like fall to my knees in tears
32:06
and you. Came back, you came.
32:11
Someone slaps some sense in authority.
32:14
All right. We're in a hostage situation
32:16
now. What are we doing, gentlemen?
32:18
I am the knight, I am justice. I'm going to try to sneak behind
32:22
it. All right, give me a sneak roll.
32:24
You're going to go. You're going to have to go
32:26
northeast around the altar. What's a sneak?
32:30
Oh wait, is like the stealth. Yeah, it's stealth. 16.
32:40
OK, yeah, you disappear into the night.
32:42
Nice. More like the evening, but gone.
32:46
Do you head northeast behind the altar?
32:48
You get to the east side of it. Actually, we'll let you get
32:51
around to the north side, just waiting to make your move to get
32:55
behind him. Better nice ninja vanish without
32:59
trace. Nobody's rolling for initiative
33:01
yet. Like this is just kind of a
33:03
stand off situation. What are you guys doing?
33:05
All right, I'm going to. I'm going to walk up to him as
33:10
I'm putting gauze in my stomach. I'm going to be like, hey man, I
33:14
get it. I don't know why I had it out
33:18
for you, but that was a good shot and I respected in attempts
33:22
to distract him so my team can sneak up behind this
33:26
motherfucker. So.
33:28
You're going South of the altar, pushing Thoddy out of your way
33:31
back into the water so you can so you can get between pool 7:00
33:37
and 6:00 or yeah, pool 7 and. 6:00 and 7:00. 6-7, I hate you.
33:44
So you can get in front of Sammy and a pretty Kitty who's still
33:47
unconscious and Sammy who's just sweating bullets over there.
33:50
Yeah. And then you start to plead with
33:53
him. Give me a persuasion role.
33:56
I know I was wrong and I would be glad to have you on our Team
34:02
9. Nobody expected that.
34:09
Oh no, he panics and he's like, he shoots pretty Kitty bam right
34:14
in the side of the arm, causing 2 points of damage.
34:18
The pretty Kitty. He's still unconscious.
34:20
Whoa, whoa, whoa, man. Come down, man.
34:22
I'll. Be for.
34:22
Real. He's like, back up.
34:24
I'm serious. Back up.
34:27
Yeah, I'm so serious right now. I'm serious guys, get out of my
34:31
face. Anyways, as this conversation
34:36
goes on, you notice Handsome Kitty's hair is starting to fall
34:40
out and he's starting to look. Aged is probably the best word
34:45
or. Are you stressing out man?
34:47
Did you serve in the military? Looking pretty strong.
34:51
Hazy you trying to sneak around him now or thought are you still
34:54
crying or like you in the pool? What are you doing here?
34:56
Get out of the pool. Oh.
34:57
Yeah, I'm out of the pool. I pick up my shield.
35:00
You scour behind the shield. No, actually, if, if this, if
35:05
this next turn doesn't go right, I'm going to try to throw it out
35:07
of my Captain America. Hazy, you're up.
35:12
Where am I located? If I could sneak a little
35:14
closer, OK. You're there, you can get it
35:17
right behind me if you have a good sneak check.
35:19
Yeah, I'm going to try to do that.
35:21
Go ahead and give me a sneak roll.
35:25
Oh, dirty 20. Nice.
35:27
Yeah. You sneak up like right behind
35:28
him. He doesn't notice a thing.
35:33
All right, gentlemen, I'm just in the background just watching
35:36
this. And I'm like, what is what is
35:38
going on? Why are we doing this?
35:41
I'm going to get on all fours, you know, and just be like
35:44
someone push him over. Are you saying that out loud?
35:52
I would hope somebody would get it.
35:56
OK, so you get on, you get behind him, you get on all fours
35:59
like it's middle school. Face down, ass up.
36:02
I'm confused. That's the way we like to hook.
36:06
What the fuck is going on? Baby bird just stares at you and
36:10
he was like now, now you want to get it on.
36:14
Doesn't seem like the right time.
36:16
This is a chance for Sammy to prove his worth.
36:20
You want Sammy to do something? Hold on.
36:22
Let's let's let Sammy do something, see if he can
36:24
overcome his fears. That's not good.
36:29
Sammy turns around to wrestle the gun away from him.
36:33
I yell at you. Fucking.
36:36
Idiot. This dude takes the gun and
36:39
shoots Sammy in the arm. Blows Sammy's arm off.
36:43
Oh my. God.
36:44
Oh, Jesus. Sammy just starts wailing.
36:53
Sammy crawls towards the water. As he crawls towards the water,
36:57
he sticks his nub into the water and a new arm grows from the
37:03
water into his body. That suspect?
37:08
Whoa. But you know, Handsome Kitty is
37:12
freaked out. He just shot a little kit's arm
37:13
off. He drops Pretty Kitty so he's
37:17
wide open. Anything you guys do now is
37:19
going to be a + 2. I throw the shield at him.
37:22
Someone put Captain America that shit push.
37:26
The ball. What is the modifier for that
37:27
please? It's.
37:28
Going to be a plus. It's a + 2 because he's flagged
37:31
that you got a + 4 because Hazy set you up for a hilarious
37:35
prank. 24. Good googly moogly.
37:40
You hit him square in the face. His head ricocheted the back off
37:45
the wall to the West and he just falls into the water.
37:48
And as he falls in two said water, you just see his clothing
37:54
kind of just falls down and he turns back into liquid again and
37:59
just absorbed by the water. And this pool now looks very
38:03
silvery shiny kind of pool instead of regular water.
38:08
Well, I wasn't involved to that at all.
38:13
Yeah, you set him up enough pass for it.
38:15
I mean, look at the angle. He's to the West, he's to the
38:19
east of him. I'm going to get up and be like,
38:22
you know what, guys? Screw you.
38:24
I'm going home. It's kind of like.
38:26
I put my hand on Sammy's shoulder.
38:29
I can't do nothing. I lost my spear.
38:32
I can't even be funny, like fuck this shit.
38:36
It's pretty funny. I look at Sammy, I'm like, hey
38:39
kid, you're kind of fucking stupid and I hate you, but that
38:43
good job. I'm going to come over here.
38:46
I'm going to snap Sammy away from you guys.
38:47
I'm like, what the hell is wrong with you guys?
38:49
Why are you going after a little kid?
38:51
This dumb fuck got his arm shot. Off you're going after a little.
38:54
Kid man, fuck Sammy. He's looking at T1000.
38:56
Man, he just grew an arm. You think a kid from our world
39:00
that just happens to be here is a robot from the future set back
39:04
to kill another robot from the future who's trying to kill a
39:06
kid who's going to save mankind in the future?
39:09
OK, well God killer, he reacted the same way that the fucking
39:15
dragon did. Where did you hear that?
39:18
Do we have to kill you now? No.
39:20
No, no, I can explain. I pull up my gun.
39:23
Hold on, chill out. That sounds like somebody who
39:26
can't explain. I'm gonna R Kelly this shit.
39:31
The whole God killer thing is blown wildly out of proportion.
39:34
I was in Hawaii and there was a new Pagan God just showed up.
39:38
He's trying to make a name for himself.
39:39
He wasn't very strong. I happened to go to a shrine and
39:43
I knocked a base over which made him appear and then I
39:46
accidentally knocked another base over because I had one too
39:49
many mojitos. Well that vase killed him and so
39:52
I killed a God and where to the Grapevine is it just got bigger
39:56
and bigger and eventually they thought I killed some grand God
39:59
and some epic battle but I just knocked the vase over.
40:02
So now I have the nickname God Killer and honestly?
40:06
You expect me to believe that? I mean, I changed my e-mail to
40:12
it. It's pretty sick to be honest.
40:13
You. Killed Maui I.
40:15
Didn't kill Maui. I definitely believe that.
40:18
But it was all an accident. I'm still your friendly coyote.
40:22
I'm still your best bud. I mean, I'm your boss, but
40:24
whatever. Then why are you protecting this
40:27
little demon child who's on our team now?
40:30
I cast the tech magic. There's no magic on this kid.
40:34
I don't believe it. He grew an arm.
40:37
I thought Pool grew an arm. He didn't grow an arm, but he
40:40
knew it would happen. You guys want to take him back
40:42
and run some tests on him? Yeah, I got some tests I want to
40:46
run on him. You don't get to run tests.
40:48
Whoa. Not with you and your new German
40:51
helmet. You don't get to run tests.
40:54
Yeah, starting to sound like a Zionist.
40:58
What religion are you, kid? But I'm non dominational, which
41:03
in itself is a nomination so. I spit at his feet.
41:09
Jesus Christ, yes. My son.
41:11
You guys are, you guys are very hostile.
41:13
Look, I don't want to cause any trouble.
41:14
I just want to go home. I I think I know what pool it is
41:18
if you guys will indulge me. OK, I'll trust him at.
41:21
All yeah, I'll lead him over there.
41:23
I'll follow him really close. I.
41:24
Instantly trust this kid. I instantly trust him.
41:28
I want to go home. Frazier's coming on.
41:31
I can't miss an episode. So he's Jewish?
41:34
Now Anyway, all right, Sammy, please tell us what pool you
41:40
think is the exit. Spit it.
41:44
Out, motherfucker. So those two idiots well that
41:48
what idiot hit the S 2 poles and there was nothing crazy in there
41:52
but when he hit that top left one, the northeast 1 nothing
41:56
weird came out in that pool. So I didn't think about it.
41:59
But when he said something about 7 deadly sins, that's the only
42:02
one that looked normal night. If it's looks normal, wouldn't
42:06
that not be a sin? That's what it you would want me
42:12
to think. I'm going to pick up that kid
42:14
and throw him in the pool. You're not throwing the kid in
42:16
the pool. Oh.
42:17
OK, well I'll be the I'll I think I have the most HP so I'll
42:20
test his theory. Why can't we test the water with
42:24
the kid? What's stopping us?
42:26
Me and fucking common decency, you asshole.
42:30
The game warden won't let at me. Well, you distract them, I'll
42:34
grab the kid. None of you are distracting me,
42:39
Toddy. Go ahead and jump in there.
42:41
All right, I jump in give. Me your luck check. 12.
42:50
Thought he hits this thing like a warp pipe.
42:53
Gone. You'll be all right, right?
42:55
I I hope so. I guess.
42:58
Then we jump in this one beforehand.
42:59
It's. Probably why it's already
43:01
numbers so. Hazy baby bird, what are you 2
43:07
doing? I'm not jumping any more water
43:10
bro, I'm good on that. I got water in my nose.
43:12
I can't breathe. I'm going to I'm going to finger
43:17
point my index finger and my middle finger at Sammy and then
43:22
I'm going to make make the come here motion at him and walk
43:25
towards the pool. Oh, he's going.
43:26
To get his stern talking to. Are you walking to that same
43:30
pool #5 yeah, yeah, all right. You walk over to #5 you do that
43:34
motion to Sammy, Sammy, who's 8 starts to walk towards you.
43:37
And I put my hand out and I'm like, no, stupid, what are you
43:39
doing? Don't go anywhere.
43:41
You fucking idiot. Stay there.
43:45
If he's part of the team, he's going to do team things.
43:48
He'll go in last with me. You just get in the pool weirdo.
43:53
I'm going to get up off off all fours all.
43:55
Right. Damn, I'm going to sit on my
44:00
butt and put my feet in the water.
44:02
I'm going to stare at Sammy angrily as I slide in.
44:06
You stare at him angrily when you go in there, do open your
44:10
eyes and you start to swim back up.
44:11
But as you're swimming up, it just feels like you're getting
44:13
sucked further and further down and all of a sudden you're gone
44:17
as well. All right, Hazy, what are you
44:19
doing? I'm going to I'm going to come
44:21
up to the pool. I'm going to bring Sammy with
44:22
me, but I'm also going to grab Pretty Kitty along the way.
44:25
And I'm going to talk Pretty Kitty in.
44:29
Oh, what the fuck, man. So everybody's down.
44:32
We're just getting fucking sucked into the tube #5I.
44:38
Mean nobody's come up yet. I'm just take, I'm taking this
44:40
kids word. Yeah, I mean, yeah, for sure.
44:43
Totally. Take the kids word, I'll just
44:46
camp out. Or do I need to?
44:49
I'll, I'll jump in. Fuck it, I have a sudden change
44:52
of heart and I'll jump in. I'm a follower.
44:57
I mean, you could jump into any pool.
44:58
What are you doing? I'm going to go to the one on
45:03
the Northeast and just jump in that one because it's not number
45:07
J. All right, you're going to go.
45:08
All right. So you're going to go northeast
45:10
as you walk by Sam and you just give them each shit looks as you
45:12
go up there. Fuck you, kid, I'm not.
45:14
I'm not even going to listen. To you roll AD 8 and it and if
45:20
you get a 567 or 8:00 you got to re roll oh.
45:23
Shit. All right, A1.
45:29
A1 Well, that's kind of your pool.
45:34
Totally my pool. As you jump in, you look in.
45:38
The Angel gazes at you with a sultry, inviting look.
45:42
Their expression is intoxicating, pulling your
45:44
desires to the surface. The longer you gaze, the more
45:49
you feel overwhelmed and you start to undress yourself in the
45:52
water. Having a wet dream in the water.
45:55
You don't notice, but you're starting to lose feeling in your
45:59
fingers and your extremities. Little by little by little.
46:03
The extremities don't notice the water.
46:05
All the extremities. First one to go is your pee.
46:07
Pee give me ADC will save. 10. OK, you're just having the time
46:17
of your life like, oh, this is great.
46:19
You're outside. Quick trip again.
46:21
There's like 333 different strippers, just like hazy.
46:25
Let's go round one like 1's rolling you a blunt.
46:27
The other one's just like straight up put her knees in
46:29
front of you and you're like, this is this is the best day
46:32
ever. I'm going to be late to the
46:33
Juggalo show, but I mean shit. Why not?
46:37
Why not pop out a few babies while I'm at it?
46:39
Fuck it. Hey, maybe don't do that one.
46:42
A hand reaches in and snatches you out of the water and like,
46:45
you just come out and you're just like, shivering.
46:47
All your clothes are just on the ground next to you.
46:49
And I'm like, hey man, are you? Get dressed.
46:52
What are you doing? You're freezing to death.
46:54
I can't thank you enough, Sir. You, you have saved my life.
46:58
I didn't finish. We're going to mark that pool as
47:02
one. What are you doing, Hazy?
47:03
Let's get the fuck out of here, man.
47:05
Yeah, I'm, I'm totally down with not going into any more water.
47:08
I'm good on that. I saw a quick trip at strippers.
47:11
I don't even want to fuck with this shit no more.
47:13
That doesn't even sound like that bad of a pool to me.
47:16
That sounds awesome. Oh man.
47:18
You don't. You don't.
47:19
You don't know the stripper. There's a back story behind
47:22
that. Oh anyways, I picked Sammy up
47:26
when I tossed Sammy and. Fucking idiot.
47:30
And then just Sammy gone. I jump into this pool and then
47:38
I'm just sucked into the bin. And then there was 11 is the
47:44
loneliest number hazy. You dead?
47:50
I'm just say fuck it, I'm I'm, I'm a follower now I'm just
47:52
going to jump into. Hazy goes to jump in and with
47:59
your. You're gone.
48:01
Oh no. And everyone sucked.
48:05
Back to the real world. Thank you all for going in the
48:12
right pool and being sent home to God's country.
48:16
Yeah. We did it.
48:18
It's. About fucking time. 5 episodes
48:22
in. All right, everyone join us next
48:24
time, put in the comments what crypto you want us to fight
48:26
next, and we'll get to it as soon as we can.
48:29
Everybody say goodbye. Goodbye.
48:34
Mission complete.