Latest / The Habit Lab / Episode 53: Redefining Christmas: Joyful and Intentional Holiday Habits

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Episode 53: Redefining Christmas: Joyful and Intentional Holiday Habits · The Habit Lab

• 1:08
  Speaker 1: We all have areas in our life we might feel stuck or overwhelmed.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: So join me, jenna Zint, habit Coach, teacher and follower of Jesus, as we go after little bits of better by building offensively small habits that create big impact.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: This is the Habit Lab Podcast.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Hello, welcome to Habit Lab.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: I'm Jenna Zint and this episode we're going to talk about some of my Christmas habits.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: I laugh, we can call them traditions if we need to, but because this world is all things habits, I'm going to call them Christmas habits.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: You know, just going to call the kettle black or pot black, I don't, I just mix my metaphors, I'm sure.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: I'm sure what that one would be, but anyways.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: So I um, you know that a lot of what I say is it's not about doing more on, like adding more to your plate.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: A lot of people are sometimes hesitant to either work with me or do habit lab, like I'll my courses or books, because they're like, I already feel overwhelmed, I don't want to add more, and I'm like, oh, totally.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: So I think I'm probably going to say it until I'm blue in the face that my perspective with habits, including Christmas habits, is it's not actually about doing more, it's just being intentional.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: So one, yes, in the planning so it doesn't feel overwhelming, but two, like being thoughtful of, like does that give me what I want it to give me, or am I just following the flow?
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: Am I being, you know, like a sheep here, Not in that almost sound judgmental, but am I just pushing replay because this is what I did, or is this beneficial enough?
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: Like, I just think taking an honest assessment of things rather than just replaying them every year is so helpful.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: So, anyways, that is where a lot of these Christmas habits are going to come from.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: It was funny because one of my friends shout out to Joy, called me.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: She was like you're like I guess there's someone called a lazy genius.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: She was like you're like a lazy genius and I'm like, oh, I love that.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: I think that's what I would want people to think about when they think about.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: My hot take on habits is like, oh, actually less about doing Pinterest worthy events that are entertaining and more about like, oh, what's already happening or what's a common need or what's a frankly like a pain point, and how can I make it more fun?
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: Or how can I add some purpose to something we're all doing separately, as families together, how can we then do it together.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: So that's a lot of where my habits come from.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: They're not because I'm looking to add more to.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: Honestly, my kids have epic lives.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: If I did none of these, they would still have epic lives.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: So I think to me there's no should in my motivation for what I'm doing and I think regardless I think I'm probably prefacing it because I don't want you to.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: The opposite of what I'd want for this episode when you're listening, is to feel like comparison.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: I think what I would want you to walk away with is like permission to look at what you're doing and decide if you want to or if it hits the mark.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: Permission to pause and not feel guilty.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: Permission to untangle I feel the Holy Spirit.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Permission to untangle what you're doing, like literally doing for your kids what you buy for your kids, how you present Christmas, how well it's wrapped you buy for your kids, how you present Christmas, how well it's wrapped.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: Untangling that with your identity as a parent or a friend or a child, to your siblings, for instance.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: We literally have limited capacity, so we cannot do it all, and I'll tell you about my habits.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: But one of the things people are like how do you do it all.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I don't, but I don't feel the shame about what I'm not doing.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: So I wanted, on this episode, to also talk about what I'm not doing, because that's how I'm doing.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: What I'm doing is that people sometimes assume I'm doing all the other things as well.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: It was like, oh no, I don't.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: I've opted out of taking family photos in the fall and sending Christmas cards years ago.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: I don't have judgment on people who do it.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: For sure.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: Actually, we think it's so sweet and we unwrap them.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: And we unwrap them, envelope them, unsure, tbd what the actual verb is there?
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: But then we put them up and I love them, but that doesn't do anything.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, this actually doesn't check enough boxes for me to put the effort in.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: It feels like a scale and I put all these habits on a scale and I'm like does the effort worth the outcome or the fruit?
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: So anyways, that being said, some of the things I also don't do is I we don't do a lot of baking.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: We will do some baking.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: We did some baking for the week of Thanksgiving because the kids were off and we didn't have a ton to do, so we did some baking there.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: We will not do any baking before Christmas unless something crazy happens.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: We're looking for a filler activity because it's tedious, messy and stressful when I'm trying to do it in Time Crunch.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: So we will be hosting.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: We've hosted quite a few things, but I won't do homemade stuff Today.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: This afternoon I'm hosting something and my go-tos are I'm having grapes water and I make homemade popcorn.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: So I'll have homemade salty popcorn and I'll have homemade kettle corn and that'll be it, because I can make it in mass quantity and it's cheap.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: But it takes me total 15 minutes to probably make enough to feed 40 people and it takes me $4.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: So I actually just auto play.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: But when I do big events all year, I feed them popcorn.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: So this is not unique to Christmas.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: So I think even you realizing how do you do it, I'm like oh, I've actually decided, or do the bare minimum in a lot of other things, or don't do things, to then do what I'm doing.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: So the same is true about you.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: You have a limited capacity Please listen to this with permission to edit and revamp or even ditch things that you've done, because everybody does them and you're like I don't even like them, why am I doing it?
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: I don't care if everybody else does it.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: So okay, here are some of my oh one of their habits.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: I told you I don't do Christmas cards.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: I don't usually bake before Christmas.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: We don't usually do a lot of crafts.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: I actually I will bake and I will do some crafts.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: I'm not telling you that because of judgment.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: I have the things on hand but I save them till after Christmas because when we don't go somewhere, my family will come to us, mainly because my parents are on the other side of the country, so it's cheaper for one person to fly to us and my brother doesn't have siblings than us to fly to them.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: So most of the time, that's unique about our lives.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: So I know that when people come to us, we have this awkward window about a week or to 10 days before the kids go back to school, where all the external activities are done.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: So we're looking for things to do.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: So I actually purposely save Christmas baking to the week after Christmas and I save the crafts.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: Like, I have a couple of crafts things on hand until after Christmas, but I got them in November and if I were to have an odd window where I need a filler, I consider them time filler activities not essential for my kids, you know, for us to feel connected or joy for our holiday season.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: So I kind of reshift things and decide what's kind of long and time consuming and not essential and almost like solo activities that aren't with a bunch of friends.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: And I do them after Christmas because we have that window, so permission for you to think outside of the box and untangle them, so you're not in this three week rush where we have to check all the Christmas boxes, okay.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: And then the other thing I do is with, like, for instance, some folks that I'm not just Amazon presence to.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: So I have a list of those, but there's some like homemade and things I can only buy at stores, which I'm giggling, because I buy my dad a pair of Costco pants every year because he loves them.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: He's like me and he's like these are the best, but he doesn't have Costco where he lives, but I can't just ship it to his house as I'm saying that, I'm like I should look they might sell these online.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: Anyways, what I'm realizing I was like I don't actually know that I'm going to get to the post office.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: It's December 11th right now, so I could squeeze that in to make sure.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: I like almost up it on my priority list and kind of make it urgent to try to get him his present.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: The pants are the last thing I have to buy.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: I have a few other things ready to go, but he actually is not a big gift person and he doesn't usually send me a gift.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: So I want you to notice this nuance there.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: When I was deciding today to pause making that a priority to make sure he gets his gift before Christmas, I was not punishing my heart.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: Posture was like, oh, where's this expectation of I'm going to be a bad daughter if I don't get it there in time coming from?
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: Is that him Like?
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Is that going to hurt his heart?
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: And then, when I thought about who he is, I'm like, no, actually that won't.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: If it was my mom, that would feel different, because she's already sent four packages to our house, so for me to be late for her Christmas present it would send a value message, but for my dad it wouldn't.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: So it was this beautiful moment while I was sweeping and trying to figure out how I was going to fit pieces and I was like, oh, I'm going to give myself permission to not make that a crazy priority.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: It'll be okay if I get it to him after Christmas.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: He's still going to feel loved and valued.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: That is not his primary language.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: So I think noticing and reassessing and giving yourself permission to reorder your priorities is a helpful way that I create margin and then also break up with stress or feeling overwhelmed Okay, because I don't should myself.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: So what we do do that's super fun.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: We have a few One.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: This is only the second year that we've done this.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: We've gone to the Christmas parade in our town.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: It's a nighttime parade because it's all lit up.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: I'm sure you have something similar.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: I'm going to give you my real life examples, but what I'd love for you to listen for is more white label thought processes of how I'm thinking, because clearly you don't live in my town, probably.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: So it's not going to be a copy and paste what I do to you, which isn't actually the point.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: But what I looked for is what's a free event that already happens.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: That I can gather people around.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: That I'm not having to do 100% of the lifting because I'm not coordinating, I'm not planning an activity.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: There's no food involved.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: My piece is actually gathering a group and rallying and then saving seats or inviting them to this park so that we can then participate in something that's already happening.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: So when I was laughing about that concept of being a lazy genius, what I do often is look for things that are already happening and gather groups around that, because it's like, truly, it takes off half of the workload from me.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: So I don't remember if I told you guys, but for Thanksgiving our city has a turkey trot and it goes by our front house, like by our front yard, and this year, the last couple of years, we've watched it as a family.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: And this year I was like, oh my gosh, we have so much fun I should invite friends over.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: But then part of me, which I think you guys could probably relate there's like this judge critical voice, that's like but you're going to invite people to your front yard.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: You don't actually want that many people in your house to watch people walk.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Really Do you think anyone's going to do that?
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: And then I just decide like, well, I'll try, I'll see, I'll actually cast.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: So when I'm doing something like this that I'm unsure how it's going to turn out, I actually really lower the standards where I'm like, hey, low stakes, yep, our family has done this for a couple of years.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: We thought others might enjoy it.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: And then I'll say things like if it feels fun, add it to your list.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: It's probably not going to be crazy wild.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: So if your day's full I wouldn't make an exception for it, but if you're looking for something to do in the morning, bring your coffee and come join us.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: So I think that has been a really helpful when I'm rallying around other things that exist.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: So, whether it's that race and I just invited people to sit in our front yard, we ended up doing a little hot chocolate bar.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: But what I didn't do is I'm not a coffee drinker and coffee is like next level and people have a lot of opinions.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: So I purposely in the invite wrote bring your own coffee to watch, and I did it.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: Nice, I think that's the thing is, like you can have boundaries and set expectations without being so black or white that feels odd or deprecating of the event.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: Does that make sense?
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: So I could be like.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: I could have said like it's really super lame, I'm not sure you're gonna have fun, you know, whatever, but I did.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: I could have done that, which would have been like all, like I could have painted a really terrible picture or I could have done nothing and I could have been like, nope, I'm inviting them, I don't need to poo poo on this event, and I wouldn't say anything.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: And then maybe someone was like oh, I thought when they got there they could be disappointed, because they're like, oh, I thought we were doing the parade, or I thought this was an actual parade, or I thought it was a competitive you know, like whatever.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: So I'm like oh, what's the middle ground?
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: Like what's the not all self-deprecating of how chill this actually is, or nothing.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: Where then people have unrealistic expectations.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: So when I'm doing something like that, I just cast expectations.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: So with that I said super chill, you know all the things.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: So that was for Thanksgiving.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: That's an example of doing something that already exists and just what my event portion is is just rallying people around an invite.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: So then fast forward to the Christmas light.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: We've done that for years, but when I was doing my peaceful Christmas planner this year, it has one of the pages I walked people through is like what worked, what didn't work and what hasn't worked in the past about the Christmas parade is a few different things about, like the sidewalk's really small and it's really crowded.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: So then I feel over responsible with making sure my kids aren't running into the street or running or stepping on other people or standing up and blocking people.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: So I've been trying to again, not all or nothing.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: So nothing would have been like we'll avoid it because it's you know, it's actually a lot of work and it's kind of emotionally stressful and it's not worth that.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: Or nothing would have been like keep doing it, it's fun, the kids are worth it.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: Like don't change anything, like be a good mom, you get what I'm saying.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: So I'm like oh, what's the middle ground of what edits could I actually make?
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: So then I, um, last year, in this attempt every year I think of it almost like a science experiment of changing a few more factors to see if I get different results.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: So we've done a few variations of it.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: And then last year, um, actually one year, we were going to be in the float or in the parade.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: We actually built this whole float and then it rained and thundered and we weren't able to do it.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: So we've definitely tried a lot of different variations on the habit of the Christmas parade.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: But this year or last year we found the section that they close off.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: It's kind of it's hard to explain and not worth all the details, but they don't close it off till 445, this part of the road, and you can actually sit in the road, but then there's all this empty space, that's the road blocked off behind you and there's a fire truck, so super safe and our kids ran around and it was so.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: It was like bam, location, location, location changed the experience of the Christmas parade.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: So, because I had that evidence last year, this year I sent out a big group, mass text and I went, did the planning ahead of time where I just said, hey, come, bring your own chair.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: I dropped the pin of the location and I went an hour and a half early, but that's all I did.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: I didn't bring oh, I did bring a box of Trader Joe's cookies, but I didn't bring food or I didn't make it extra or elevated.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: My contribution to the event was inviting people and getting the spot early.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Does this make sense?
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: Do you see this pattern of like what's already happening?
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: How could I rally but make it a communal experience because it's more elevated than us just doing it as our little family, and then two, something like this that doesn't have tickets or it's low stakes.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: So many people bailed and it's totally fine.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: It's not like, oh, it matters, like we can't play this game or we won't be able to go to the movies because we have all these.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: You know they had to buy the seats in advance.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: It's like way lower stakes so it can be flexible.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: Because I'm just noticing that in small kids season I don't think it's just unique to families with small kids, I know I have listeners that don't have children I think there is an element of our culture that needs flexibility and plans.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: So that is one of the things I tend to lean into.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: I don't do as much long commitment or high stakes invites, I do lower stakes so people can ebb and flow almost like open house, even if it's not literally an open house higher odds for success and then people bring friends.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: So I invited probably six to eight families, but we had 70 people show up, which was wonderful because they invited people and they invited people.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: But because this spot like I had gotten there early, I had literally three-fourths of the block blocked off or the road.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: It was like a five-lane road for my friends and then all the kids were playing behind us and it was wonderful and there was like 30 kids in front and there was so much overlap, I felt like high my husband calls it extroverted high afterwards and it was a bit of effort, but I didn't have to clean my house, I didn't have to buy people food, it was just going.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: I mean, frankly, I probably got there an hour early from when I would have if I wasn't reserving it from people and I just brought my lunch and Aaron stayed home Like that was our edit.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: If he came with us, it was not a price he was willing to pay for things and then also the kids being there that early would not be fun.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: So me going solo and him just making the kids food and popping in when the parade was starting worked for him and me, but we still got the overall experience.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: So, thinking in those terms whether it's a Christmas tree lighting or a parade or going through this, you know, walk like whatever is happening communally, even like a New Year's Eve service wow, wrong word at your church I want you to start thinking through like what is already happening that you could do an intentional group invite, because even the New Year's Eve service could be like hey, you know text, four families.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: Do you want to go?
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: Sit, all sit together.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: The New Year's Eve service could be like hey, text, four families.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: Do you want to go all sit together for New Year's Eve service and then go get in and out afterwards?
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: Or go get Starbucks before and then go to the?
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: I didn't mean to say New Year's Eve, I meant to say Christmas Eve.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure actually what I said, who knows but I meant Christmas Eve.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: So my point is like how can you think through things that are already happening and actually rallying and adding a little bit before or after that adds value, rather than creating the whole thing yourself?
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: So that's one thing.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: That's a concept that I wanted you to get.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: When you're thinking through, yes, christmas habits, but frankly, like any communal habits, like that, I think the value add for me is rallying and gathering and giving out information and maybe saving literally saving space or seat but beyond that, it's very low impact of what I'm doing or hosting.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: So I kind of draft off of other events or people's efforts, but it's wonderful and it's what my capacity is, okay.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: And then the next thing we do we've done for a while is for almost for a decade we've gone caroling in our neighborhoods and you're going to laugh, but the reason we started this tradition was because we'll do a couple houses on our street on Halloween, like we go at like 5 pm and we knock on a few neighbors and then we come home.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: I'm not even sure if we go to 10 houses and then we have a bunch of friends over and we do like a soup potluck.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: So one of the things that I love about it, though, is I got to meet it was like permission to meet a bunch of our neighbors, and I, man, reading the New Testament how much it talks about our neighbors I just have this awareness of how we tend to isolate in our like current situation in life, like I don't know this timeframe that we live in and how we can justify, because we're putting so much output in in other ways, not meeting our neighbors or like hoping to not engage, or just kind of like holing up, and I have I'm going to do a future episode about some service things, habits around, service that I've been the Lord and I have been processing and implementing for the last year and a half, but, that being said, I was like man.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: I want to have another reason to meet our neighbors in this low stakes, to just facilitate, start the conversation.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: So then when we see each other, there's a high and maybe a follow-up, a couple sentences.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: It's just an easy on-ramp, if you will.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: So we started caroling.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: I don't know if it's been a decade, it might be eight years.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: Our kids were really small, we had babies, so we would just go to like, we'd invite a few friends over because it was cuter with a group of kids, and we'd go to like again pretty much the same houses we went to for Halloween so maybe five houses and we'd do two songs, two songs which, frankly, it was like we wish you a merry clear smith, jingle bells, maybe silent night, rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, reindeer, maybe one or two more very basic ones, and we would just do two songs and then we'd leave and go to the next house.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: But it was so sweet and our neighbors look forward to it, so we started doing it in this neighborhood when we moved houses in 2020.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: And it's the same thing.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: It's been really sweet because it's like the same people we see walking their dogs throughout the year and we have this event.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: And last year we actually got sick, so I'll explain some of the logistics, but we got sick, so we had to cancel and they were all so bummed which, again, I'm aware that when I do casual things like this I don't expect people to be really excited or it just feels mutually beneficial.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: That's kind of my ideal sweet spot with habits or community things, where it's like it's not all for me nor is it all for them.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: There's like mutual benefit in it, anyways.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: So when they were all disappointed that we got sick and had to cancel, I was like wow, this means a lot more to them than I expected.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: And then some of them will put out hot chocolate bars or a few of them dropped off cookies because they were going to give us cookies when we came.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: It's just sweet how a group of kids, even if they don't sing well or we're not prepared, warms people's heart in a way and it just feels like I know that it's investing love and I know it's going against the culture of we are an island and we're too busy to care or stop or talk, or even the awkwardness of stopping and talking if you have no relational equity.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: So in my brain I think sometimes people are like why do you do these things and all these little habits to me?
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: Like I said, I've untangled them with my identity of being a good mom.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: But they have so much purpose that when I'm doing the work like I'll explain one habit that I was working on this morning we're doing a sibling shop, toy swap.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: We're hosting it at our house after school and, as I was sweeping and kind of you know, doing the little bit of the fast pace final clean, clean so the house is ready for when people come over, I was like man, I feel a little stressed.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: Did I need this, but did I need to do this sibling shop?
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: When I notice questions like that, I make sure that I have an opportunity to either be the judge or the scientist which I referenced in my last episode.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: I either get to be contemptful and start being like Jenna there you go in your muchness, or there you go Like just feeling you're doing too much.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: Again, you know, whatever that voice could sound like which isn't it ironic that I can't win Like if I wasn't doing anything.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: That voice would be like you're failing your kids and then, now that I'm doing something cool and sweet for them, the voice is like you're too much, like wow, if that doesn't tell me that that's not the voice of the Lord, what does, anyways?
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: So when I was curious and scientific about it, I was like, okay, why are we doing this?
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: And I thought through all the points of why I was doing it and I was like, okay, is that worth?
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: Is that fruit and effort purpose, like all the purpose you just listed?
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: Is the effort you're doing worth the purpose?
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: And it was such an easy yes.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: And then I reframed like I didn't stew in a bad attitude or shame, like that voice was trying to tell me I have all of these little habits or events.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: I tie them with so many layers of purpose and benefit that when I'm doing the work or the prep steps to execute, I don't feel overwhelmed.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: Or why am I doing this to myself?
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: Or there's no like guilt, self-pity, or it really pops the hole in.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: What's the point?
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: Why am I doing this?
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: And that's true about all habits.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: Where you find consistency is when you tie that little action with the big purpose or big picture purpose.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: Why does this matter?
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: How does this fit into my core values or the person I'm becoming?
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: And for me, even though these habits only happen every year, I've so layered them with clear purpose of what they're at.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: They're not because I'm trying to be a Pinterest mom.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: They're not because I'm trying to be a good mom.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: Know that sense.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: Me being a good mom is already settled.
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: Why I'm doing them is because I want my kids to, and I could list three to four layers of purpose and value and how it's investing in me, living out of my core values.
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: And I just recalibrate in that moment and then when I was finished sweeping, I was like you know what?
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: Actually I'm going to use this motivation I'm experiencing right now.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: I'm going to lean in and mop my floor real quick Swiffer I don't know that Swiffer counts as mopping.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: It's like it's not quite as intense, anyways, and it just shifts from feeling like why did I do this to myself?
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: To like no, I am benefiting from this extra motivation, thank you.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: And it just really helps me being really tied, all these little habits tied to purpose, because then I can self-talk and reframe it while I'm doing the effort to execute.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: Okay, that being said, going back to the caroling, I kind of jumped mid caroling to talk about purpose, but what I've done, which is interesting, is I've actually broken up that caroling and I've made I almost break up these big events that maybe I do, or the habits, into bite-sized events, manageable tasks to prep.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: And then I give each of the tasks purpose and vision for why they matter, so that on their own they're actually become their own tradition.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to give you an example with caroling.
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: So it started with just caroling, but then it was like awkward because people wouldn't be there or how would we know who's home and who's not.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: So then I was like I'm going to actually make little invites and invite people to be.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: Like hey, next Wednesday, from six to seven, which is literally when we're going to do it, if you want to be home, we'd love to come, carol.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: So I made invites and then it's now fulled out to there's like a few layers of habits that I've created in the prep steps for the actual caroling night.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: So one day I think we did it over Thanksgiving is the kids make like eight or nine invitations, however many houses, and it's so fun.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: It's like we usually do it on the weekend because it's not rushed, I'm not late, I have weeks ahead of time, but when we're looking for something to do instead of just filling time, I think that's a big difference is I have stopped just filling time with entertainment and now we do like we still do crafts, but most of our crafts have a bigger purpose than we're just coloring like.
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: This is going to be an invitation.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: This is going to be a prophetic word.
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: This is I'm going to send this to my mom to encourage her or whatever it looks like.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: I just it's shocking to me.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: Again, it's not about doing more.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: It is about being intentional with what you're already doing or slightly editing it.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: So now you've upgraded this thing you already were doing and given it so much more purpose that it's like I'm not wasting time.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: Everything I do is filled with purpose and living out of my core value.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: It's like such a game changer.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: I'm like no, no, no, we're not doing more, we're just being intentional and purposeful for the steps and then planning ahead a little bit so you don't have the stress.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: So, anyways, that's one part of the habit is just actually making and creating the invites.
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: And it's so cool because the kids love it when there's not stressed or I'm not being a tyrant mom and they are creating cards that they've gotten the feedback that a lot of the older folks maybe will save them and put them on their fridge because they think they're so cute that Wesley drew an ornament that's as big as the Christmas tree, you know.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: So that is in itself a tradition.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: So I think that's how I also get around.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: Doing more is that I've broken apart the prep steps and made them their own purpose and tradition.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: So that's one part of the caroling.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: Then the next step is actually I think we did it probably a week to 10 days after we made the invites we actually go deliver all the invites.
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: And this is what I love is because it's another layer.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: Like I used to think before I thought through making the prep steps their own habit and giving them purpose, I would be like I got to get those invites out and when I live with that mentality, I lose.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: I'm stressed and patient and miss the opportunity to actually be present and connect and get the purpose that's in that step too.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: So when I switched and reframed it now we go around and it's super cute.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: We're like, okay, it almost feels like delivering Valentines and all my kids come and they skip and they fight over who gets to knock on the door.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: But what I love, what I noticed, like when I think through, like we're not just delivering invites quickly so that we're crossing off the logistic.
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: I actually we're currently going after our kids learning how to talk to adults.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: So before we prep, I'm like, okay, how do you, when you knock on someone's door, what do you do?
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: And Wesley's like, knock once and then step back so they can see you.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: Don't go into their house, say hi, I'm Wesley, introduce them yourself, tell them what we're doing.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: So it's so cool because I'm not just trying to rush through this thing.
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: I see it now like this little prep step has so much purpose of my kids getting to interact safely with me with nine or 10, not only just strangers, but people who my neighbors I'm like this in itself has so much value and whether or not they're home, they now have a cute little handmade Christmas card which I don't know what the relationship is with their grandkids Like.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: This could be so beautiful and sweet in a way that I could make it.
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: If I'm rushing through it or lost sight of the purpose it in of itself holds, then I could miss that opportunity to be present and like see the value that it holds.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: So and then, lastly, the actual caroling.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: We'll have a bunch of friends.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: Again, I told them we'll probably do a hot chocolate bar, because that's simple.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: I don't have to bake or cook.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: I think it's funny sometimes how intentional, math-oriented my brain is, making relational decisions.
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: So, like I told you, the popcorn is like my go-to for snacks for big playdates because it's cheap and no allergies.
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: This isn't totally applicable to that, but what I do when I don't like, when I'm hosting Christmas things, is usually I do a hot chocolate bar which through a hot I get truly bought a tin of 32 helpings Walmart's big great value tin.
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: I'll make it in a big pot beforehand and then I'll put it in either a crock pot or my Instapot and then we have fun marshmallows, some sprinkles and a whipped cream and now we have, quote unquote, a hot chocolate bar.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: But I'm going to feed or not feed.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: I'm going to give snacks or refreshments to 40 people for $10, with zero prep.
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: Do you guys see where I'm going here?
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: So it's like, oh, how could I do something that feels hosting and warm without a lot of cost or effort, but it's still like a token towards that?
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: So everyone's going to be in my front yard and then we'll go to all the people's houses and it's the Aaron plays his guitar in the background and it's chaos and no one like I.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: Actually, in one year or two maybe, tried to control it a bit more, but again, staying scientific, I saw that I enjoyed it less and the kids had less fun.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: So I'd rather let it be two songs of chaos that maybe they don't even know what song we're singing, because it's crazy than me try to control it.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: I have to actually remind myself just noticing your own thoughts, like when you're ever I think this is a good, universal, almost like adjustment, while you're doing your Christmas habits of oh, have I stepped out of line of the purpose?
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: If I've gone to, if I feel disgruntled or annoyed, could I actually roll back some of my expectations of myself or shift gears and let it be what it is, or make a change Like if I'm feeling disgruntled or trying to control too much, like is it actually worth it or could it be a little more chaotic and connection thrive Like, and sometimes, frankly, it's not always that connection, it's not like.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: The right answer is connection.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: There are times I'm like oh, actually I've reassessed.
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: I'm like this isn't safe, so I know they're enjoying, I don't know jumping off the park bench, but this is a safety, so I am going to lean in, to be a little bit more controlling, even though they're having this connecting moment, because I about no one breaking bones.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: So I think just assessing and noticing when you're feeling that and be like oh, can I let go or scale back, so it's chaos.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: When we sing, you can't always hear things.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: It's cute, I lose my voice.
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: I actually have a terrible singing voice.
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: I'm sure you're not surprised by this.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: So it's not about that at all.
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: But it's about to be in my front lawn.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: They're going to be bundled up.
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: I do make a little Canva invite to some of these bigger things that we do every year, so it feels a little more thoughtful.
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: But I don't do a ton of effort.
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: Does that make sense?
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: So no one's going to come in my house.
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: My house won't get trashed, I'm only feeding them hot chocolate.
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: We're going to walk around to our neighbors.
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: But the flip side is my kids love it.
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: They look forward to it.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: Our neighbors love it, they look forward to it.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: Friends meet each other who wouldn't have met each other.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: Our neighbors it's like probably half of them are elderly.
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: They feel so loved because part of me would love to go to a at some point.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: Maybe I'd love to do?
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: What's the word?
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: Go visit or play games and love on some old folks at an elderly house?
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: I don't have that yet.
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: I might actually decide to do that outside of the Christmas season, because that feels unnecessary to like, make it a Christmas thing.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: And in February, when we're looking for something that would be not overwhelming and an easy fit and still have value, you know.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: But to me I'm like, oh, this is a moment where, in a little bit of effort little, you know, like a little bit, we can invest in that purpose too that I have.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, caroline's another one.
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: And then we just started, I'll end with this.
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: One is our.
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: Actually I have two more, I'll tell you this.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: We, a couple of years ago I was probably like five or six years ago I was annoyed with how keeping I was.
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: Like we're kids wait until one day and then they open an overwhelming amount of gifts and they're it's, they're overstimulated and so am I.
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: So we actually started working backwards and we always save, maybe because they have a couple cousins, a couple grandparents, and then we give our kids maybe four to five gifts.
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: It's not crazy, but, that being said, we usually save three or so and then we save stockings gifts for Christmas morning, but then, however many other gifts they have, we work our way backwards and start opening gifts multiple days before Christmas.
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: So what I mean is if each kid let's pick an arbitrary number has 10 gifts, based on when all the cousins and grandparents gifts are under the tree, we will start opening let's see.
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: If I want to keep three gifts We'll start opening a week before Christmas and they'll get one gift a night and it's epic.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: You guys, we've done this for years now.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: What it does for the kids is whatever they open that night is the star of the show.
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: So one year truly actually this happened a couple of years socks were opened on like the 20th of December and they had like an hour and a half of fun.
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: They were like ice skating, they were like dancing, they were all of a sudden it was a snowball fight.
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: Like I was shook.
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: I was like how are we having this much fun with socks?
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: And I was like we wouldn't have if socks were one of the you know 10 gifts opened on the same day and then the next day maybe they all get.
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: You know, like I have them open the book and then we slowly read the book and that's it.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: And then we reread the book, maybe next day for breakfast, but the book is the star of the show because we open one gift a day.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: So whatever you want to do with that, but it has been a game changer and we will not go back to opening our presents on Christmas.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: I think it usually ends up being the 18th or 19th is when we start, based on.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: We probably probably get about 10 gifts most years.
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: So that's why how it works out.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: So I'd encourage you to try that.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: It is so wonderful.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: And then, if they each get a game, we play the game and it's like so fun and full and it's spread it out in a way that's so helpful.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: The other thing I would say that we do is this is the first year, and I'll end here is my kids want to buy presents for them each.
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: I think I told you this that a lot of my I'm going to pause explaining the details but a lot of my habits or events come from.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: We have this problem in our lives I don't say low key problem.
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: I think it's a lot how entrepreneurs think.
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's unique to me.
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying that I'm not special, don't worry guys, but when you think about a problem you have, then you start thinking I bet other people have this problem.
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: And then I think how could we solve this problem together where it's mutually beneficial?
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: So this event came from that, where my kids now are old enough that they want to buy presents for each other and they want to be part of the picking out.
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: No problem, but what I'm tired of.
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: We also have fall birthdays, no-transcript, the grandparent gifts or cousin gifts.
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: We control a little bit of like the flow of what they're getting, but when they're gifting each other it's just the junk most of the time.
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: Or we ended up fighting with their kid that's trying the sibling that's trying to give it in the target aisles.
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: And then it costs money, money too.
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: You know times per kid, even with them contributing.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: So I was like how could we solve this?
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: So what we're doing?
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: We're hosting it this afternoon.
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: I'll give you info how it went.
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: But I invited a bunch of mom friends specifically chose it on an afternoon because I know the dads would be less in a school afternoon.
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: The dads would be less interested.
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: I'm strategic about choosing window when it's not for the family and I don't think the dads would do it.
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: I usually plop it in on an after school afternoon because moms are more likely to say yes.
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: If the dads aren't interested and I try to take a valuable weekend real estate time slot, I'm probably going to get more no's.
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: Does that make sense?
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: So I was like I don't think dads are going to be interested, but I think moms will see the value.
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: And then it's chill chill enough early before Christmas break that doesn't feel overwhelming.
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: So what we're doing is we're having every kid go through their own closet and they are bringing the number of toys that they have siblings.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to break that down.
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: My kids Audrey, I have three kids.
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: She picked out two toys from her house, her toy stash, whatever that she will then add to the sibling shop because she will go home with two toys someone else's toys, you know for her two siblings.
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: So you have to bring the number of toys that you'll be shopping for siblings, so that it's even and everyone's coming at 3.30.
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: I just put it almost directly after school so that there's no hang time we're going to have.
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: We're not setting things up.
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: I did put three tables up and then I also put wrapping paper.
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: We don't have blinds on that window.
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: I'm going to have everybody who's not shopping hang out in the backyard.
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: So I put a wrapping paper on it because one I was like oh, it's decoration, but mainly so to block the view so that the kids in the backyard couldn't see what their siblings were buying for them.
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: So, beyond that, I put my kids toys out.
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: They're not wrapped, because kids need to see what they're picking.
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: And the plan is, as everyone arrives after school, they're going to set it up, and by set up I mean literally put it on the table.
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I'll need more space.
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: Again, I'll keep you posted.
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: I expect when I do things for the first time, that I'm going to have edits, but I don't feel shame or guilt because I've never done this before.
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: So I actually have to go in with the expectation of something's probably going to go awry, otherwise I feel bad or I over.
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: I'm hyper responsible for people's experience where I'm like I should have thought of that I ran out of this, or blah, blah, blah, blah and I'm like nope, I actually even in doing this, I've been like what do you guys think with the moms who are telling me I like make it collaborative so that I get thoughts that I might not have thought of you.
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: That makes sense, right?
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: They helped me troubleshoot and then we all help kind of design it together a bit.
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: So, that being said, they'll put their toys and they'll all go in the backyard and then what we're thinking is we'll send in the youngest kids, because the youngest kids will be shopping for the older kids and the older kid toys are going to care more Like.
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: The littles are going to be excited with any of the stuffed animals that their sibling gets for them.
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: But the 11-year-old brother is not going to be stoked if, by the time his four-year-old sister was shopping, there was only a alligator plushie.
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: So we have assorted toys.
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: We contributed as a family more so that there was a buffer but we have a real slingshot with paintballs, and then we also contributed a electronic snow cone maker.
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: And then there's some stuffies and there's marble works, and so we knew that we'd have more than enough.
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: But the cool part, so then what we'll do is we'll call them in one at a time, and we have a lot of.
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: We do grocery deliveries, we have a lot of extra plastic bags, so after the kid picks their toy, we'll tie it up so that secret.
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: We'll Sharpie the name so the kid knows he goes home with two bags with his name on it and his parents can help him wrap it at home.
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: But then everyone will hang out and just play in the backyard while they're waiting.
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: So it's kind of half play date, half purpose.
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: But the goal is the cool part.
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: When I'm doing this, I remind myself of like oh, this is actually me instilling family culture into my kids with hands-on application.
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: Again, I don't do much.
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: I don't do a lot of casual playdates that don't have purpose in them.
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: I'm like we don't live in a way where we actually have free time that we need to spend without purpose.
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: We have time we can give to invest into purpose or designing our family culture, but we are not in a season where we have a lot of free time and we're looking to be entertained.
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: I actually think there are people in seasons where that's true.
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: I don't have a judgment towards that, especially if you have new babies or littles, but knowing that's not our season, that changes my no's and yes and it also changes what we do or host.
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: So in this, when I'm setting this up, I know it's an opportunity for my kids to be generous where it costs them, but not me as much.
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: Because when they, like they were bemoaning they wanted to pick out crappy toys.
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: But we did send a $10 to $15 price range no stains or brokenness for the toys that were all kind of universally on the same page.
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: I started a text thread.
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: I individually texted people, the ones who are interested.
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: I made a group text and then someone suggested again in the collaboration.
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: Someone was like hey, should we have a price range so that we're giving similar things?
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, great idea.
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: And then someone else texted hey, should, if we can, should we send a picture of what we're contributing?
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: So people know like kind of.
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, that's a great idea.
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: So again, when I open it up to like, I'm not the expert, help me build this thing for my first year I'm not being hyper responsible.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: And then also they have buy-in and ownership in a helpful way, anyways.
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: So then we have that text thread with the details and I felt really excited.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: Oh, I know family culture, so generosity with my kids, knowing that they had to actually pick something they liked.
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: It felt harder for them to give away good things that weren't broken than when we go to Target and they arbitrarily point out what they want to gift.
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: I was like, yes, last night, when my middle was bemoaning what she had to give, I was like this is perfect, this is generosity.
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: You know, it wasn't too hard or too rough, we were letting them choose.
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: It wasn't intense, don't worry.
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: But I was like, oh, I want them to understand that there's a cost behind gifts and this is such a beautiful way to do that in a way that actually connects with their little kid brains more than the other layer of family culture.
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: That feels like a hands-on experience that this it goes from Jenna's doing this thing so that she's helpful to other moms, or to give her.
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: Like this is not about a Jenna show at all, I want to solve a communal pain point.
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: And then, also with my kids, I'm like, oh, this is a hands on time for them to get some culture, experience of generosity.
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: And then the next thing is the Zint's host.
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: I had an older mentor mom who said that she wasn't I don't know that she ever actually sat down.
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: And, as a family, if they wrote out their family culture, but they would just use the line their names.
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: Their last name is the Hesses.
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: So they would say things like the Hesses are full of integrity, or the Hesses are on time or whatever.
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: So they would just make these statements.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: That helped ingrain.
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: Hey, we are a family unit, this is our culture, this is who we are in the world, and that helps connect.
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: I guess it's kind of going back to the idea that your actions are full of purpose, you know.
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: So it helped them connect what they're doing.
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: So for us, when we were setting up and cleaning a bit yesterday, they're like oh, and I'm like totally, the zins host.
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: And when we host we do a little bit of cleaning, we're not going to get crazy, we're not going to dust.
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: I'd kind of point out the things that I wasn't doing so that they're seeing the reasonableness of the expectation, if you will.
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: I was like but the zins, when we host, we want our friends to feel welcome, we want our friends to be excited to be here.
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: So I just cast vision, like I do for myself, for the kids, and it was cool, and then step it up again thinking of how I can remember how, with my Carolina said, I made this a habit.
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: I broke this prep step up.
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: Well, partly.
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: Audrey loves owning things.
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: She has this entrepreneur thing in her.
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: So I was like, oh, if I can make her involved in the quote unquote checkout process, she'll come alive.
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: She'll have a different level of ownership.
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: She'll feel like this is what we're hosting, not what mom's doing, and her creativity will thrive.
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: So it was so cool is what we're hosting, not what mom's doing, and her creativity will thrive.
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: So it was so cool.
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: She made this whole like box.
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: She made a box.
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: I've told you before she raids our recycling bin all the time.
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: She found a box in our garage.
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: She made it like one place as you put the ticket and if you push this button the lever comes down.
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: And she just sharpied it on a mark on a box.
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: You know I didn't control it, that it needed to be aesthetically pleasing.
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: So it's not, it's creative.
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: And then the spring mechanism inside the box is pretty creative but aesthetically not impressive and I had to be like, nope, not going to fight that fight.
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: Controlling this would actually take away from the value that I'm trying to instill in the purpose of this.
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: And then she and Rosie have clipboards and they made little checkout lists to record that each kid got the gifts.
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: And then Audrey stepped forward as she was doing this, I was like, oh, she needed something to do afternoon.
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: I always think like if we have an event that we're leading up to and there's ever a moment my kids are bored, my brain instantly goes to how could I make something connected to that event, give them purpose so that they have ownership?
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: But then it's also like you're not just go go entertain yourself in your room.
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: So I tasked her with making tickets that almost like it was the money that they pay for the toy with the ticket.
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: So she got, she got an iPad that she saved up money for this year and she has Canva and she it was so cute.
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: She sketched out a couple of different options and she presented the potential graphic that I could have and then she made this graphic of the ticket, figured out how to email it to Aaron, aaron printed them and then like we've cut them up, so now she has a whole checkout station.
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: So the buy-in for my kids is not this is the thing mom's doing.
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: They're not in consumer mode, which I think we can actually do a lot with our kids.
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: They are hosting with me because the Zins host, the Zins do community and the Zins are generous.
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: Sorry, I feel the Holy Spirit Anyways, as I do.
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: It's the same concepts, if you notice that we do for ourselves with tying your action with purpose, doing them with the habits of Christmas and then including my kids, it gives it so much more of a fullness than I'm not adding more to do on my list.
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: I'm actually just being strategic for what my purpose and core value is and breaking apart the prep steps to get us there to have their own unique purpose and value.
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: So I'm not just doing bunch.
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: All the things I'm doing have a bigger vote for the kind of family we are, the kind of kids that I'm raising in the season with this Christmas, not crazy with this Christmas flavor, okay.
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: So again, I want you to walk away with different ways.
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: I want you to think about, like, empower yourself to say yes or no to the things you're doing.
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: Is there anything you're going to opt out, like me with Christmas cards or not baking until after Christmas or not sending my dad's gift on time If I do, great, but I'm not going to kill myself to get there.
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: So, like, is there anything you need to pause?
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: And then can you be creative and break up some of the prep steps of what you have on your plate.
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: I use my hands so much it's kind of silly how much I'm like acting like I'm ordering boxes in the air with my hands.
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: Anyways, you don't need to know that Anything that you already have on your plate.
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: Could you break up some prep steps to include your kids so they have purpose and value?
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: Because I heard this stat once about, chemically, what happens in your brain.
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: I think it was in a book about addiction I was reading.
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: But you get as much of a dopamine I can't remember if it was dopamine some time of chemical, like positive chemical release in the anticipation of an event as you do in the event itself.
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: So when I heard that with my kids, I was like, oh my gosh.
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: So the weeks leading up to I'm going to use an arbitrary Disney are just as important as the day in Disney.
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: So I started leveraging the anticipation more.
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: So that's what I do with these prep steps is I'm like I don't want it actually to just be about the sibling shop or the caroling or the parade.
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: I'm going to leverage the anticipation with giving them small tasks that they then also feel included.
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: And this is what we're doing as a family, versus getting dragged to mom's thing or mom's doing this for us.
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: I just don't want consumers, I want kids who are participating in the culture, and I think sometimes we think it has to be totally other than.
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: But I'm like, oh, how can I just redesign what we already do and like to be full of purpose and be kind of like hands-on cultural setting experiences?
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: Okay, I hope that helped a little peek into some of our Christmas habits.
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: Have an awesome day everybody.
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: Thank you.