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When Narcissists Turn Your Family Against you · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful folks?
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  Today we're going to be talking about how sometimes the
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  narcissist turns your family and your friends against you.
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  Your family and friends end up on the side of the narcissistic
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  person. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
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  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Boom. Welcome back, folks.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Yes, that's it, Danny. That is it.
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  That is it right there, Lee. Hammock, You hit the nail on the
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  hammer. The hammer on the nail, the nail
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  through the wall, whatever you want to call it.
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  That's exactly what happened to me, Lee.
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  The narcissist in my life somehow, some way, shape or form
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  turn my Mama, my daddy, my brother and my sister against
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  me. The narcissist in my life turned
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  them against me. What the hell?
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  The hell did that happen? Yeah, we all know that
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  narcissistic people, like, have good reputations.
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  It's like most narcissists want to have a good reputation.
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  They want to be buddy buddy with your family and friends.
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  They want to get so deep into the.
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  They want to get so deep into the.
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  They want to plant the seed of them being a good person deep
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  into the mind of your friends or your family.
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  Like Inception. Y'all ever seen the movie
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  Inception with Leonardo DiCaprio?
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  They want to implant it. They want to plant this 3 dream
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  levels deep. Nobody ever went that deep,
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  right? That's what narcissists do.
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  They plant that seed 3 dream levels deep so nobody will ever
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  believe that this person is a bad person.
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  Like how Lee Lee a bad person. He's been, he's been cool to me.
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  Like why he ain't been cool to you.
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  What you what, what you do to him.
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  You're crazy. That sounds what you do to him
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  to make him behave that way. What did you do to that boy?
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  What did you do to that boy? He's always been a good boy to
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  us. He's been a good boy to us.
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  What you do to him, you know what I'm saying?
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  That's the kind of that's the type of craziness that they
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  will, they will have your parents asking you.
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  You know, I had a real life example of this happened very
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  recently. Did a one-on-one call the woman
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  wave a lot while back. She's safe, she's cool, she's
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  out of it now. But she had a narcissistic ex,
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  right? A narcissistic husband.
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  He was very cool with her mom and dad, right?
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  Super cool with her mom and dad was doing it, was super nice to
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  them in public, but was behind the scenes beating her ass,
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  manipulating her, lying to her, cheating on her, doing
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  everything front and back sideways.
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  And when the daughter finally decided to tell the parents what
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  was going on, they didn't believe her.
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  He had covered his tracks up so good that they didn't believe
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  her. Like, I don't believe that he
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  would do anything like that. Like, what did you do to make
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  him get that way? Because around us, he's always
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  treated us with respect, kindness and dignity.
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  What do you feel like you had? What do you feel like you've
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  changed to make him do that? Because he wasn't always doing
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  it. So.
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  So has something changed with you?
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  And they can break your damn heart.
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  They can destroy you, especially if it's your mom, your dad, your
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  friends or your family. Like, so your close friends and
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  family members, you feel like they can have you feeling like
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  you're alone on a damn island. And the sun is like, it's a lot.
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  You're alone on a deserted island.
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  What the hell just happened? You're alone.
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  Yeah. I don't know what just happened.
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  You're alone on a deserted island, Right?
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  And the sun, like literally the fog was coming in.
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  That was the fog. I was describing it so good.
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  The camera caught on the camera light.
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  Let me go ahead and fog it up a little bit.
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  The camera got into got into the the camera got deep into the
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  video. The camera was the camera was
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  listening. Like, tell me more.
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  It started getting foggy. But yeah, foggy, right?
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  No, you're alone on a desert island, deserted island.
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  And the sun was out originally because you thought you had
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  people on your side, but now you see everybody.
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  It's you see like more and more people are turning against you
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  when you've done nothing wrong but try to protect your partner.
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  You never, you never told them what was going on behind the
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  scenes. You protected them because you
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  loved them. You don't want people thinking
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  negative, negative of them. And now that you need help,
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  people don't believe you. People don't trust you.
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  They trust them because why would why would you hide it?
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  You know, why would you keep them from us?
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  You don't trust us. Why would you trust you?
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  They start to they're starting to blame you for keeping stuff
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  from them. They'll try to blame you for
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  hurting for you getting hurt. They'll try to blame you out
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  people. You know, there's some.
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  Yeah. Are are some of these parents
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  and friends and family members just weak minded people?
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  Absolutely. Yes.
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  Yeah, that's true. Some of them will absolutely are
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  just weak people. They're weak minded people and
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  they just don't want to. They don't want to cause any
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  trouble, Right. But sometimes your narcissistic
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  parents are a little narcissistic themselves, right.
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  What I mean by that is you get sometimes you get the
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  narcissistic parent or toxic parents that are so worried
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  about their own image that they don't want you to get divorced.
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  They want you to stay in a toxic, abusive marriage because
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  you getting divorced would affect how they are viewed.
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  That's what the narcissistic parents, your friends, your
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  friends might have different motives, but you have a
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  narcissistic dad or a weak dad or a weak mom or just some of
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  them are in super in religious super in like a religious
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  dynamic. And they just you getting
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  divorced, their baby getting divorced, their son or daughter
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  getting divorced will make them look bad in the church or make
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  them look bad in the community. Oh, look at look at old.
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  Let's call this person Greg. Look at old Greg over there.
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  Oh, Greg, let's call him Glengarry.
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  Let's call him Glengarry. Let's go Glengarry over there.
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  His daughter got divorced. Weak family.
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  Look at that image. So the deal, Norris, is your
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  parent who might be weak minded or just so into the church or
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  just foolish will tell you to stay in a toxic relationship.
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  Say you stay in an abusive marriage, Blame you, gaslight
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  you, deflect toward you to get you to stay with this person
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  just so they don't look bad in the community, in their own
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  community, just so they don't look bad to other people.
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  That's what happens. And guess who's guess who knows
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  that your narcissistic partner. Guess who knows that your
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  narcissistic partner, They know that.
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  So they they they thrive on it. They can we we all argue and
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  fuss and fight and you try to leave.
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  They call your imagine them calling your parents, asking
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  them for help with you after they abused you.
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  They don't abuse you. They don't hurt you.
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  They ended up bunches up to you and they call your you, you
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  escape. You get away from them and they
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  call your parents for help. Can you help me?
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  She got she I don't know. She's going crazy.
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  I know how she is. I'm just trying to be a good
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  husband, a good father, and she's just losing her mind.
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  She's going crazy and your parents go help them out.
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  That can make you feel devastated.
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  So something else, sometimes it's going to sound bad.
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  It requires you to go less low or no contact with your own
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  support system and develop a new one.
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  And that can take a while to do. Y'all, I'm just not, not trying
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  to say rush to cut your parents off to cut your friends off, but
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  sometimes you have to if it's the best thing for your own
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  mental health. Sometimes you have to cut people
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  like that off because they're not helping you, they're
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  hindering you. They're keeping you steeped in
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  abuse because they are worried about their image like your your
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  friends and family, your friends.
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  In this situation, the narcissist might be fun, they
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  might buy drinks, they might be the life of the party.
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  So they don't want to give that up.
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  They y'all, they're so used to y'all going up, going up, going
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  out as a couple. They don't want to give that up,
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  right? They don't want to give up the
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  couple friends. They don't want to give that
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  type of stuff up. So what happens?
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  You mean they don't want to give the couple friends up?
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  So they just kind of try to keep you all together by any means
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  necessary. They'll set you up on a they'll
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  set you up on a blind date like you, you go to them for safety.
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  They'll call your partner and have them sneak over there and
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  meet you where you're trying to escape abuse.
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  They'll have your, they'll call your partner behind your back
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  and they'll have tell them where you are, you successfully
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  escaped. And then they, they, they trying
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  to keep things together. They're trying to be, you know,
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  some of some of them, some of them are naive.
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  Some of them, they come, it can come from a place of good
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  intent, but they're naive and some of them perpetuate the
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  cycle of abuse. Some of them are absolutely
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  flying monkeys. Imagine your, your own parents,
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  your own family being flying monkeys of a narcissistic
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  abuser. Your, your, your parents or your
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  narcissistic partner or exes. Flying monkeys.
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  That hurts, y'all? That sucks so bad.
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  But so sometimes the only way to get to get to remedy this is to
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  have evidence. Sometimes you have to record
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  these conversations. Sometimes you have to expose it.
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  Like, yeah, sometimes you have to tell your parents and people
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  what you're going through when you're going through it.
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  Because if you if you keep protecting this person over and
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  over again, it could come back to bite you in the ads and come
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  back to just really bite you in the neck like a vampire.
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  You know what I mean? This this could really happen.
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  So a lot of times in these spaces, you have to prepare for
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  this. This is like, this is where
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  preparation comes into play. It right here, like you have to
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  prepare recordings, videos and does this always work?
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  No, you might have a you might have a parent that says they're
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  two sides to every story. Imagine your parents trying to
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  two side every story with you, two sides to every story with
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  you. And you got videos of you being
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  abused, you got videos of you being openly abused, assaulted
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  or whatever. And your parent, your parents
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  are like, oh, the two sides to every story.
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  Your friends are like, there's two sides to every story.
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  Yeah, yeah, sometimes you don't need.
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  Sometimes you only need one side.
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  Sometimes you only need one side, right?
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  That's something you have to prepare for as well, y'all.
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  This is the mindset. This is the mentality that goes
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  on. I promise you.
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  It really is the mentality of what goes on in these spaces.
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  You have to be willing to like. This is the type of stuff that
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  happens right here. You got to be willing to fight
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  the battle sometimes and find a support system outside of your
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  people because if they're if they're not going to support
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  you, y'all, sometimes you have to find people that will.
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  I'm not saying you have to cut your parents and your friends
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  and family off, but sometimes you have to go low contact or
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  only I'll call it, I'll call it ONC only necessary contact with
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  your friends and family members, with your, with your own
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  parents, because your parents are perpetuators of the abuse
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  cycle. Your parents have become flying
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  monkeys. Well, whether willingly or
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  unwillingly, whether whether whether knowingly or
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  unknowingly, they've become flying monkeys or perpetuators
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  of the abuse cycle that you are going through.
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  And that sucks y'all. Sometimes you have to like I
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  said, sometimes you have to. You can call your friends and
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  finally out. You can call them out.
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  Like, hey, look, I need y'all to support me If they don't like,
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  hey, you might have the back you have.
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  Yeah, I have a, if you go through this right now, I have a
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  support group called the Mental Healers, right?
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  My support group is called the Mental Healers.
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  And this is what I've been working on.
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  Like my support group is full of people who have situations like
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  this where their parents are the narcissist.
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  They're in there talking, they're sharing information,
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  they're sharing their stories, and they're getting help from
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  other people who are going through the similar, similar
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  shared experiences, right? So you can find my mental, you
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  can find my group at mentalillness.net, right?
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  Or coaching or courses.mentalillness.net.
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  You can find everything about me at mentalillness.net, right?
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  This is the type of stuff that helps you out, y'all.
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  I'm just trying to help wake y'all up.
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  Help not just wake you up, help you breakthrough those barriers.
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  You know what I mean? Being with y'all think I'm
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  tuning into that episode, Y'all know I truly appreciate every
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  single one of y'all, yo, as much as y'all think y'all learn from
• 11:08
  me, I'll learn even more from you.
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  Hit that subscribe button, y'all.
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  Let's keep it popping. Let's keep it moving as always,
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  y'all. But then this is that peace.
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  What's going on? Beautiful folks.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I truly appreciate it. You have no idea.
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  If you haven't already hit that subscribe button.
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  You made it this far, you might as well subscribe.
• 11:27
  It really does help the channel y'all helps me reach more people
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  as well. Also, I have coaching my courses
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  and my support group available at www.mentalillness.net.
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  Thank you so much. Make sure you stick around,
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  watch another video or two. I appreciate it.
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  I'm out.