Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #849 'How I Parent' With Dr Amantha Imber

Transcript

#849 'How I Parent' With Dr Amantha Imber · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers Now, good Day.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: This is doctor Justin Coulson, the founder of Happy Families
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  Speaker 1: dot com dot au, dad to six daughter's husband to
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  Speaker 1: one wife, and the parenting expert and co host on
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  Speaker 1: chan Lyne's Parental Guidance. Also the host of this podcast,
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  Speaker 1: that Happy Families Podcast. Thank you so much for listening
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: and allowing me into your life to hopefully be useful
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  Speaker 1: in making your family happier. Today, I'm a Happy Family's podcast.
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  Speaker 1: A really special guest and somebody who's become a personal
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  Speaker 1: friend and certainly a friend of the podcast. Amantha Imbat.
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  Speaker 1: Doctor Amantha Imba has a business called Inventium and an
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  Speaker 1: absolutely fantastic podcast called How I Work. Amantha has got
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  Speaker 1: so much to offer the entire world. I love talking
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  Speaker 1: with her and she joins me for today's Happy Families
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Lightning Round podcast. So Amantha joins me for a Lightning Round. Amantha,
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: you don't know what you're in for, do you.
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  Speaker 2: I'm scared? Should I be scared?
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  Speaker 1: No, You'll be fine. Tell us as we start this
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  Speaker 1: straight away, how many kids do you have and how
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  Speaker 1: old are they.
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  Speaker 2: I've got one daughter, Frankie, who is eighth.
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  Speaker 1: Well that ruins my second question. Do you have a
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  Speaker 1: favorite child?
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  Speaker 2: Well, let me think about that. I think it's Frankie today.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, the next question for you, I deal number
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  Speaker 1: of kids.
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  Speaker 2: I am a very happy only child and I wanted
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  Speaker 2: one child, so that would be one. That would be
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  Speaker 2: one because I had such a positive experience. But you know,
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  Speaker 2: some days I go, oh, maybe it would have been
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  Speaker 2: nice to have more, but I did choose one.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, how do you rate yourself as a parent?
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  Speaker 2: Oh? God, there's always room for improvement. I think so
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  Speaker 2: so so much about it. I see a psychologist to
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  Speaker 2: bounce around ideas with to be a better parent. So
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  Speaker 2: I think I'm quite obsessive about it, in like I
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  Speaker 2: think a healthy way. But I would like to think
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  Speaker 2: because I think about it so much and read so
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  Speaker 2: many books about it, then maybe that makes me a
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  Speaker 2: little bit better than I think I am.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, what's something great that your parents did that you've
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  Speaker 1: tried to continue in your parenting?
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  Speaker 2: The unconditional love and support, that would be the biggest thing.
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  Speaker 1: I love it. Okay, here's a tricky one, and this
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  Speaker 1: is particularly tricky because you're co parenting. You and your
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  Speaker 1: partner are no longer together. Who's the better parent you
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  Speaker 1: or your partner?
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  Speaker 2: Goodness to me?
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  Speaker 1: I love this question.
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  Speaker 2: Can I answer this question without alienating the other partner?
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  Speaker 2: Or modesty aside? I think I'm doing pretty well well.
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  Speaker 1: You know you should push that modesty aside. I just
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  Speaker 1: love asking that question so people can squirm, and you
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  Speaker 1: squirmed like everyone else. Thank you so much for that, Amantha.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Next question, what's the hardest thing about being a parent?
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  Speaker 2: I think it's it's seeing your child struggle with something
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  Speaker 2: and knowing that one of the best things that you
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  Speaker 2: can do is to not help them overcome it. Instead,
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  Speaker 2: you can empower them with the skills to get through
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  Speaker 2: it themselves. I really struggle with that.
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  Speaker 1: I love that answer though. If you could spend an
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  Speaker 1: hour with your eight year old daughter Frankie at any age,
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  Speaker 1: what age would you choose? And why?
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  Speaker 2: I think the older she gets, the more I just
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  Speaker 2: love our conversations. You know, the things that she says.
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  Speaker 2: It's like that, like, there's no one else that I
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  Speaker 2: would prefer to have a chat with than Frankie, even
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  Speaker 2: though she's eight and I anticipate that that will get
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  Speaker 2: better and better. Maybe that will go for a dip
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  Speaker 2: in the teen years, but I think if it continues
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  Speaker 2: on that trajectory, I think it would be pretty cool
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  Speaker 2: to to her when she's an adult.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, so which age you haven't really answered the question.
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  Speaker 2: I haven't answered the question at all. I'm going to
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  Speaker 2: say maybe when she's my age forty four. I would
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  Speaker 2: love to see what she has done in her life.
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  Speaker 2: And when I'm older. I can't do the maths on
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  Speaker 2: the spot, but that would be kind of cool.
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  Speaker 1: What's the ultimate joy for you as a parent?
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  Speaker 2: It's seeing Frankie laugh and her sense of humor. She like,
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  Speaker 2: no one makes me laugh like Frankie.
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  Speaker 1: I know this is supposed to be a lightning round,
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  Speaker 1: but I've got to add something here. One of my
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  Speaker 1: favorite answers to a question. Every now and again, I'll
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  Speaker 1: do one of those rapid fire kind of things myself.
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  Speaker 1: And one person once said to me favorite place in
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  Speaker 1: the world, and I said, ah, in my wife's arms,
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  Speaker 1: and they said, oh no, seriously, what's you favorite place
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  Speaker 1: in the lord? I said, okay, right in the middle
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  Speaker 1: of a big belly laugh with my kids and you've
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  Speaker 1: just kind of said that same idea. Ultimate joy is
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  Speaker 1: just seeing your children happy. It's just beautiful. Anyway, I digress.
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  Speaker 1: We've got about five to go. Let's do it. This
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  Speaker 1: one's this one. This one is the hardest one. This
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  Speaker 1: is the hardest one. Are you ready?
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  Speaker 2: Yes?
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  Speaker 1: What's the right age for kids to have a mobile phone? Amantha?
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  Speaker 2: Can I rephrase that question to what's the right age
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  Speaker 2: for my daughter to have a mobile?
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  Speaker 1: Sure? Go for it.
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  Speaker 2: Well, I think as as a divorced parent, I felt
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  Speaker 2: like about a year ago was when I gave Frankie
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  Speaker 2: a dumb phone, so it does nothing but make calls
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  Speaker 2: and send text messages, because I felt it was important
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  Speaker 2: that if she was at my ex's house that she
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  Speaker 2: could still communicate with me if she wanted to. But
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  Speaker 2: in terms of her smartphone, gosh, it's so hard because
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  Speaker 2: I feel like I'm talking without experience, because I haven't
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  Speaker 2: experienced having a child who's older than eight.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, but you've got a psychology degree, right, You're a psychologist,
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  Speaker 1: you know everything.
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  Speaker 2: Come on, gosh, yeah, Look, I would think in terms
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  Speaker 2: of a smartphone as late as possible. I mean, not
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  Speaker 2: a lot of good comes when you have a smartphone.
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  Speaker 1: I would say, Okay, that's not an age, but I'm
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  Speaker 1: going to accept it because time is running out. Clock's ticking. Okay,
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  Speaker 1: last couple of questions. What's that thing that your parents
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  Speaker 1: always said that you swore you would never say, but
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  Speaker 1: it keeps popping out of your mouth.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, I'm a worry.
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  Speaker 1: What?
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  Speaker 2: Be careful, be careful, be careful on the monkey bars, Frankie,
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  Speaker 2: you might break your arm. Be careful doing this thing
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  Speaker 2: that all children should be doing. But I'm being a worry.
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  Speaker 2: What that would be the thing?
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  Speaker 1: What's Frankie's favorite thing to do with you?
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  Speaker 2: Trade? Pokemon would be up there, and also.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: At a moment, Pokemon. I know Pokemon. I don't do Pokemon.
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  Speaker 2: I'm not a huge fan, but it's not on my
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  Speaker 2: don't list, and I do I also we at the moment,
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  Speaker 2: we're playing a lot of exploding kittens, right, hard game,
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  Speaker 2: not an actual activity to do with cats.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: Kids have the same game and they love exploding kittens.
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  Speaker 1: What are you most looking forward to as a parent.
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  Speaker 2: I'm looking forward to seeing what sort of a woman
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  Speaker 2: Frankie grows into being. I'm deeply curious and excited about that.
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  Speaker 1: Second last question, if you could go back to you
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  Speaker 1: as a young parent, having one of those tough moments
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  Speaker 1: and being inexperienced, what advice would you give yourself?
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  Speaker 2: Stop setting your expectations so high.
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  Speaker 1: How are you going with that right now?
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  Speaker 2: Not great? Need to take my own advice.
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  Speaker 1: Last question for you, Amantha Imber, the podcast host of
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  Speaker 1: How I Work. What has been your biggest win so
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  Speaker 1: far as a mum?
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  Speaker 2: I mean, divorce is never great for kids, but I
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  Speaker 2: think that my greatest win is just seeing how resilient
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  Speaker 2: Frankie has been in adapting over the last nearly three
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  Speaker 2: years to having essentially two separate lives, two separate houses,
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  Speaker 2: two separate sets of things, And I'm just so I'm
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  Speaker 2: just blown away by how amazing she has been during
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  Speaker 2: this thing that she did not ask to happen, but
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  Speaker 2: has happened in her life.
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  Speaker 1: Amantha Imber, thank you so much for joining me on
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  Speaker 1: the Happy Families podcast for a lightning round.
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  Speaker 2: Thank you and sorry for not being super lightning with
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  Speaker 2: some of those answers.
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  Speaker 1: Amantha Imber is the author of time Wise and the
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  Speaker 1: host of the How I Work podcast. You can check
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  Speaker 1: it out wherever you listen to your podcasts. I highly
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  Speaker 1: recommend it, it's a lot of fun. The Happy Families
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  Speaker 1: podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Craig
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  Speaker 1: Bruce is our executive producer and for more information about
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  Speaker 1: making your family happy, you can visit us at happy
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  Speaker 1: families dot com, dot a you