Latest / Crime and Horror / Strange things rich old men do with their money (aka The Stray Cat King)

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Strange things rich old men do with their money (aka The Stray Cat King) · Crime and Horror

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: No matter how absurd this story gets, remember it's true.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: But before we get into today's story.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: If you're a fan of the strange, dark and mysterious,
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: deliberate in story format and you come to the right channel,
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  Speaker 2: Or four times every week.
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  Speaker 1: So if that's of interest to you, please sneak into
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• 0:19
  Speaker 2: And then put it back in the bag.
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• 0:26
  Speaker 3: All right, let's get into today's story.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: In the winter of seventeen forty eight, Timothy Dexter was
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: born in a town just north of Boston, Massachusetts.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: Called Maldon.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Despite being incredibly dim witted, Timothy always believed he was
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: going to strike it rich one day. But looking around
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: at his family, who were a bunch of poor farm laborers,
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: Timothy realized he would need to make some big moves
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: he wanted that dream to become a reality. When he
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: was just eight years old, he decided he would make
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: the first of his many big moves, and this move
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: was to.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: Drop out of second grade and.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Go to work on a farm, and then on to
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: a leather tannery. For years, he worked hard, earning more
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: money than his family had ever made, but he knew
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: this line of work was not going to make him rich,
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: and so when he was nineteen years old, he decided
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: it was time to make yet another big move. He
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: sold his best suit and used the money to relocate
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: farther north to another Massachusetts town called Newburyport. He believed,
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: with their booming economy, he was bound to make some
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: additional money there, and he was right, but his payday
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: would not come from a higher paying job. When he
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: arrived there, he met a lonely, wealthy widow named Elizabeth Frothingham,
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  Speaker 1: and he promptly married her, becoming rich overnight. After moving
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  Speaker 1: into her mansion and dubbing himself Lord Timothy Dexter, he
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  Speaker 1: suddenly felt lost. He had spent his entire life pursuing wealth,
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: and now that he suddenly had it, he didn't know
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  Speaker 1: what to do with it. And so he looked around
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: Newburyport at the other rich people and saw what they
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: were doing.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: And he found that many of them held.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Political positions, and so Timothy decided he would run for
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: office too, But unfortunately, the voters caught onto the fact
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: that he was a second grade dropout who couldn't read
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: or write or think critically, so he didn't win the election.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: But instead of accepting his defeat, Timothy began petitioning the
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  Speaker 1: town to let him have his political office anyways. And
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: the town said, no, that's not how democracy works. But
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  Speaker 1: Timothy didn't really understand, and he just continued to send
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  Speaker 1: these carefully outlined petitions explaining exactly why they needed.
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  Speaker 2: To appoint him.
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  Speaker 1: The town had to bring in experts that were able
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  Speaker 1: to decipher what he wrote, because Timothy was deeply illiterate,
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  Speaker 1: and his petitions were so riddled with spelling mistakes and
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: were so confusing that at first glance it looked like it.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: Was written in a foreign language.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: After they deciphered them, they would immediately deny them, but
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: Timothy just continued to send them, and so finally the
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: town got so fed up with all of his petitions
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: that they decided they would just give him a fake
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: political title just to get him to stop, and to
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: low key humiliate him. They offered him the title of
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: the Informer of Deer, and they told him his job
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: was to look high in love all over newbury Port
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: for any signs of deer activity, and the joke was
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: in newbury Port, there are no deer. But Timothy did
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  Speaker 1: not find this humiliating. He did not see the joke
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: in it. He took it very seriously and believed his
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: petitions had worked, and so he took his political title,
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  Speaker 1: and with great enthusiasm he got to work, spending all
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: hours running all around the town carefully documenting all dear activity,
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: of which there was none. At the end of his term,
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: Timothy felt like he had accomplished a lot as the
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  Speaker 1: Informer of deer and was ready to move on from
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: political office, and so he turned in his official Informer
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: of Dear logbook to the town and told them they
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: should pass it along to the next Informer of deer
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: to get them up to speed. Unfortunately, when the town
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: opened that log book, they found it contained only crude
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: pictures of deer and then illiterate ramblings about deer that
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: were so difficult to decipher that even the experts weren't
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: able to do it, and so the logbook was thrown
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: away and the Informer of.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: Deer position was never filled again.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: Shortly after the American Revolutionary War, broke out between the
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: colonies in America and Great Britain. America began printing their
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: own money to pay for their troops. But this money,
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: called the Continental dollar. It wasn't backed by silver or gold.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: It was just backed on the promise of future value
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: if America won the war. That, combined with overprinting this money,
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: led to rampant inflation, and very quickly the Continental.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: Dollar was worthless.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: Some of the wealthy folk in Newburyport decided they would
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: do the troops a favor, who were now destitute because
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: they held all of this worthless currency, and these wealthy
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  Speaker 1: people offered to buy all of their Continental currency for
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: a fraction of the price, which was better than nothing.
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  Speaker 1: When Timothy saw all these rich people doing that, he
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  Speaker 1: quickly jumped on the trend. But he didn't view this
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: as doing a favor for these troops that needed the money.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: He viewed this as a great investment opportunity. He believed
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  Speaker 1: America was going to win this war and that eventually
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  Speaker 1: this currency was going to have lots of value, and
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  Speaker 1: so he invested all of his savings into buying back
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: the Continental dollar. When word spread that Timothy had made
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: this terrible investment because at the time, nobody was predicting
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  Speaker 1: this currency would have any worth really, even if America
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: won the war. When they found out that Timothy had
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: made this ridiculous investment, his peers, the other wealthy folk
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: in newbury Port, they were thrilled. They were so annoyed
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: by Timothy, and they didn't like the fact that he
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: was kind of on their level because he had some money,
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: and so they were excited to see him go bankrupt.
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  Speaker 1: But sure enough, at the end of the American Revolution,
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: when America won the war, Congress made good and backed
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: the currency, making Timothy one of the richest people in
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  Speaker 1: America overnight. Right away, Timothy used his second big windfall
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  Speaker 1: of cash to purchase the most luxurious man in the
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: richest neighborhood in all of newbury Port. But beyond that purchase,
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  Speaker 1: he didn't really know what to do with all of
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  Speaker 1: this money. It was very overwhelming, and so after several
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: weeks of deep introspection where he tried to figure out
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: who he was now and what he wanted to be,
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: it suddenly became clear to him he needed to construct
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: forty wooden statues of random famous men on his front lawn.
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: These statues included George Washington.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: Napoleon Bonaparte, Thomas Jefferson, and of course himself. The inscription
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  Speaker 1: under his statue read the first in the East, the
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  Speaker 1: first in the West, and the greatest philosopher in the
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: Western world. After a sculptor was done, Timothy went out
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: to inspect all forty statues, and he discovered what he
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: believed to be a huge discrepancy on one of them.
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  Speaker 1: Underneath Thomas Jefferson's replica, it said the author of the
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Declaration of Independence, which is accurate. But he told a
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  Speaker 1: sculptor that he was supposed to put down the author
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  Speaker 1: of the Constitution, and the sculptor very gently said that's
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  Speaker 1: not right. It should be the Declaration of Independence.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: Timothy became irate.
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  Speaker 1: He was not having it, and so he ran into
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  Speaker 1: his mansion and came out with his oversized hunting rifle
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  Speaker 1: and began firing at this sculptor's feet until he made
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  Speaker 1: the change. After Jefferson's title was fixed, Timothy noticed another
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  Speaker 1: discrepancy on another statue. He walked over to the George
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  Speaker 1: Washington replica and looked underneath it at the inscription which
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  Speaker 1: said George Washington and Timothy just shook his head, got
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  Speaker 1: out a paintbrush, covered it up, and wrote one word pitt,
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  Speaker 1: just pitt, because periodically Timothy would confuse George Washington's name
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  Speaker 1: with Pitt, and nobody could convince some otherwise. By now,
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  Speaker 1: the other wealthy folk in newbury Port had really grown
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: to resent Timothy, and now he was just showing off
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: his wealth with his totally ridiculous mansion and all of
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: his statues, and so some of these aristocrats wanted to
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: find a way to just ruin Timothy, and so, knowing
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: he was not a very bright man, they decided they
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: would start giving him deliberately terrible investment tips, the first
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: being that he should buy a whole bunch of warming
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: pans and send them to the Caribbean. A warming pan
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: is like this big frying pan that you load up
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: with hot coals and you slide.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: Under your bed to stay warm at night.
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  Speaker 1: This works really well in a cold environment like newbury Port,
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  Speaker 1: but is completely worthless in a warm tropical environment like
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  Speaker 1: the Caribbean. But Timothy believed he was being given some
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  Speaker 1: great insider trading information and absolutely took this to the bank,
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  Speaker 1: and he went and bought two ships, and he loaded
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  Speaker 1: them up with forty thousand of these huge warming pans,
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  Speaker 1: and he fired him off to the Caribbean.
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  Speaker 2: And when they got there.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: The locals didn't know what they were or what they
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  Speaker 1: were for, but they found these warming pans served as
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  Speaker 1: great ladles for molasses, and they all sold out for
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: a huge profit. And so Timothy went to those aristocrats
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  Speaker 1: and he thanked them for their incredible investment tip. These
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  Speaker 1: rich people were furious that their plan had backfired, and
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: so they decided they would pitch him another even worse investment.
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  Speaker 2: Tip that was bound to ruin him.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: They told him, why don't you buy up a whole
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: bunch of coal and send it to Newcastle, England, Newcastle
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: being the coal capital of the world, where there was
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: so much coal there. There was actually an expression at
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  Speaker 1: the time that's like sending coal to Newcastle, which meant
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: you're doing something completely pointless. That these fine rich folks
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: had never done Timothy wrong, and so he took their
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: advice and once again took it to the bank. He
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  Speaker 1: loaded up his ships with coal and he sent them
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  Speaker 1: off to Newcastle. And this would have ruined him had
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  Speaker 1: it not been for the coal worker's strike that occurred
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: right before his shipment arrived, and so when Timothy's coal
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  Speaker 1: arrived in the shores of Newcastle, there was a coal
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  Speaker 1: shortage and all of his coal sold.
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: Out for another huge profit.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: And so once again Timothy went back to the aristocrats
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  Speaker 1: and said, thank you for the incredible advice. Now truly
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: irate that their plan has backfired two times, these aristocrats
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  Speaker 1: got together and said, okay, we've got to set him
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: up for something that's going to make him fail, and
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: so they pitched.
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: Him one more terrible investment tip.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: This was, hey, Timothy, why don't you go buy all
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: the whalebone you possibly can. Just hoard it, keep it
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: in your house because someday it's gonna.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: Get really valuable.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: At the time, whalebone was extremely expensive and losing its
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: value every single day. But again Timothy thinks, these people
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: have never done me wrong. I'm gonna do just that.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: And so he went out and he collected thousands of
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: pounds of these rotting whalebones and made a huge stockpile
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  Speaker 1: in his basement. And shortly after he had built up
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  Speaker 1: this mountain of bone. Over in France, it became fashionable
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: for men to wear corsets and wouldn't you know it,
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: these corsets were made out of whalebone, and so once
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  Speaker 1: again Timothy's investment completely paid off.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: And so he tipped his hat.
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  Speaker 1: For a third time to these rich folks that just
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: keep making him more and more money. After these three
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: big investment wins, Timothy was very confident and he viewed
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: himself as a shrewd investor, and so he began to
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: believe that he could identified winning investments himself. And so
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: the first winning investment that he identified was to purchase
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: all these stray cats in newbury Port that were lined
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: up for euthanization. Timothy figured these mangy, sick, feral animals
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: would make great house pets in the Caribbean, and so
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: he loaded them all onto his two ships. He fired
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: them across the sea, and wouldn't you know what, they
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: sold like hotcakes, not because they were cute and cudley,
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: but because, unbeknownst to Timothy, the Caribbean had a huge
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: rat infestation problem in their warehouses, and so his shipment
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: of stray cats arrived at the perfect time. At some
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: point after all these successful investments, Timothy started to wonder
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: about his legacy. How would people remember him after he
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: was gone, and so there was only one way to
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: find out. Timothy very elaborately faked his own death, and
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: as he hid watching his funeral, he noticed his wife,
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: Elizabeth wasn't as sad as he thought she should be
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: over the death of her husband, and so he leapt
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: out in front of the thousands of people that were there,
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: and he began beating his wife with his After this,
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: Timothy decided he didn't really like his wife anymore, and
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: so he decided he would just tell people she was dead,
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: even though she was not dead. And so when people
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: came to Timothy's mansion and they saw his wife walking
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: around clearly alive, Timothy would tell them, oh, she's a ghost.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: And because at this point Timothy was so wealthy and
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: so influential, people just kind of accepted this and began
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: viewing Elizabeth as a ghost. Before Timothy's actual death, he
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: penned an autobiography called A Pickle for the Knowing Ones,
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: a title that to this day people still don't really understand.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: Inside the book were twenty four pages of completely illiterate
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: ramblings with absolutely zero punctuation. The book was so terrible
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: that it actually sold out very quickly because people thought
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: it was funny to buy this book. After people criticized
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: Timothy for not using any punctuation, Timothy printed a second
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: edition where at the very end he included a single
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: page with thirteen lines of just random punctuation marks, with
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: a note at the bottom that's go ahead and sprinkle
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: these in as you see fit. In eighteen oh six,
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: just a few years after publishing his book, Lord Timothy Dexter,
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: the informer of Deer, quietly passed away this time for real.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: So that's gonna do it, guys.
• 13:12
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• 13:15
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• 13:17
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• 13:19
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• 13:20
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• 13:28
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  Speaker 2: It's linked in the description below.
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  Speaker 1: support and until next time that's going to do it
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  Speaker 1: see it. And So, after several weeks of deep introspection
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: about who he was and what he was going to be,
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: it became clear to him he needed, I can't even
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: say it, he needed to build forty wooden.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: Statues a random famous man.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: Timothy figure, These mangy sick feral animals, Timothy figure of
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: these mangy sick animals, These mangy sick