Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #927 Justin & Kylie's Love Story

Transcript

#927 Justin & Kylie's Love Story · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:03
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for the.
0:07
Speaker 2: Time poor parent who just wants answers.
0:10
Speaker 1: Now, So, Kylie, can you feel what I can feel?
0:15
Speaker 2: I don't think I can feel anything. What can you feel?
0:18
Speaker 1: Love? Love? Love is in the air. Love is in
0:21
Speaker 1: the air, Kylie, can you feel it? Valentine's Day?
0:25
Speaker 3: Oh?
0:26
Speaker 1: Come on? What if I was to No, I haven't
0:30
Speaker 1: got anything organized. Never mind, I'm sorry, Oh dear, not
0:35
Speaker 1: off to a great start, are we? But you told
0:40
Speaker 1: me not to organize anything.
0:41
Speaker 2: Because I wasn't expecting anything. Well, anyway, we're.
0:43
Speaker 1: Looking after our granddaughter tonight so that our our daughter
0:46
Speaker 1: and her husband can celebrate a Valentine's their first Valentine's parents.
0:50
Speaker 2: It's pretty exciting.
0:51
Speaker 1: It is pretty exciting. This is this is what twenty
0:53
Speaker 1: six years of marriage sounds. It looks like folks.
0:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, we get to celebrate with the grand baby.
1:00
Speaker 4: Hey.
1:00
Speaker 1: Today on the Happy Families Podcast, Kylie and I thought
1:03
Speaker 1: that what we might do is something completely different. If
1:04
Speaker 1: you've been along for the ride for a while now,
1:07
Speaker 1: we've never actually shared the story of how our marriage began,
1:11
Speaker 1: how our relationship kicked off, Where did it all start?
1:14
Speaker 1: Why are we happily married after twenty six years. In
1:17
Speaker 1: today's podcast, we're going to share the story of number one,
1:20
Speaker 1: how we met. Number two how we dated and got
1:22
Speaker 1: engaged after only knowing each other for a couple of
1:25
Speaker 1: months and dating for two weeks. Number three, how I
1:30
Speaker 1: won our honeymoon to Fiji eight nights including helicopter transfers amazing,
1:37
Speaker 1: and number four three things that support the happiest of marriages.
1:44
Speaker 1: Because it's twenty six years for us next month, and
1:48
Speaker 1: I don't know about you being crazy about me, but
1:51
Speaker 1: I am crazy about you, just crazy, all right. So
2:01
Speaker 1: let's kick off with number one, how did we meet?
2:03
Speaker 2: And how long is this podcast going to go for?
2:05
Speaker 1: Well, we've got to get it done in like twelve minutes,
2:07
Speaker 1: so I'm going to do my best to not talk
2:09
Speaker 1: because if I talk this, I mean, I'm the details
2:12
Speaker 1: person when it comes to this story, I will talk
2:13
Speaker 1: for like two hours.
2:15
Speaker 2: Except you get all the details wrong every time.
2:17
Speaker 1: So what we want you to do as you're listening
2:19
Speaker 1: to this conversation is imagine that you're sitting in our
2:21
Speaker 1: lunge room. You've got a nice glass of sparkling water
2:23
Speaker 1: with some ice and lemon slices or wme and just
2:28
Speaker 1: join us for the conversation as we share with you
2:30
Speaker 1: how it all happened for Justin and Kylie, well before
2:34
Speaker 1: Happy Families was even dreamed of. Yeah, before it was
2:39
Speaker 1: ever in our imaginations. Where did it all start?
2:42
Speaker 4: Well, we were at a young single adult convention on
2:46
Speaker 4: the Sunshine Coast.
2:47
Speaker 1: Yan Dina. We called it Camp Krusty. That's all what
2:49
Speaker 1: it was really called. But that's what we called it
2:50
Speaker 1: back in the late nineteen nineties.
2:53
Speaker 4: Accommodation it was pretty poor back then. I think I
2:55
Speaker 4: was in a Marquee tent with bunk stretches.
3:00
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I was in a room with about fifteen
3:02
Speaker 1: other guys with smelly feet and sleeping bags. So it
3:05
Speaker 1: was Christmas New Year's nineteen ninety six, four or five
3:09
Speaker 1: day convention across that period. I arrived early, and since
3:14
Speaker 1: no one was really doing anything and I wanted the
3:16
Speaker 1: party to start, I started introducing myself as Justin Colson,
3:20
Speaker 1: the President of the Good Time Committee. Now there wasn't
3:22
Speaker 1: a Good Time Committee except that I just invented it.
3:25
Speaker 1: I kept my thinking, if you're not having a good time,
3:27
Speaker 1: just come and find me. Okay, I'll make sure that
3:28
Speaker 1: you're having a good time. What I was really doing
3:29
Speaker 1: was trying to introduce myself to as many girls as possible,
3:32
Speaker 1: and I think it worked well.
3:34
Speaker 4: I was a pretty timid I just turned eighteen, and
3:38
Speaker 4: I had never attended anything like this.
3:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, nor did I.
3:42
Speaker 4: Most people were twenty plus yes years of age, and
3:46
Speaker 4: so I felt very much out of my debts. I
3:49
Speaker 4: had a boyfriend and he may have broken up with
3:52
Speaker 4: me in the lead up to attending this, because it
3:55
Speaker 4: kind of was a bit of a dumb thing that.
3:57
Speaker 1: You just want to see who else myke eli, I
4:00
Speaker 1: got all.
4:00
Speaker 4: Your options open, and I was so inexperienced. I didn't
4:04
Speaker 4: know anything about that at that point, so I went unattached.
4:08
Speaker 4: And I may have seen this really good looking.
4:12
Speaker 1: I'll stop it, how are you talking about me?
4:14
Speaker 4: No, of course, walking around and making his way through
4:17
Speaker 4: all the groups, and I could just feel the energy
4:20
Speaker 4: and the excitement, and I really wanted to know what
4:23
Speaker 4: was going on. So I actually asked a couple of
4:25
Speaker 4: girls that I knew if they knew who you were,
4:28
Speaker 4: and they said no. And about fifteen twenty minutes later,
4:31
Speaker 4: I'd gone off and met some other people and I
4:34
Speaker 4: turned around and those girls were talking to you, and
4:36
Speaker 4: I knew, based on how they were responding to you,
4:39
Speaker 4: that they actually knew you and you knew them. I
4:41
Speaker 4: was really ticked off, so I walked over to the
4:44
Speaker 4: competition already. I walked over to the group and I
4:48
Speaker 4: literally kind of just pushed my way into the circle
4:50
Speaker 4: until you noticed me. And you may have introduced me
4:54
Speaker 4: like you introduced everybody else and said, Hi, my name's Justin.
4:57
Speaker 2: I'm the president of the good Time doesn't exist, but
5:01
Speaker 2: here I am, and you.
5:03
Speaker 4: Shook my hand and I said I'm Kylie, and my
5:06
Speaker 4: job was done. I just needed didn't know my name.
5:08
Speaker 1: So fast forward a couple of days and we bumped
5:11
Speaker 1: into each other again. I really have no recollection of this,
5:13
Speaker 1: but I've heard you share this story several times. I
5:16
Speaker 1: feel uncomfortable with this part of the story and I
5:19
Speaker 1: really don't recall it, so I'm going to have to
5:21
Speaker 1: get you to share this as well.
5:22
Speaker 2: So it's service day.
5:23
Speaker 4: We're all engaged in different service activities around the camp
5:27
Speaker 4: to beautify the camp that really was very run down,
5:32
Speaker 4: and I had picked to paint the roof. My job
5:35
Speaker 4: was done, and I came back to the main eating area,
5:39
Speaker 4: dining area, and it was a big kind of outdoor space,
5:41
Speaker 4: and there was a whole heap of girls sitting in
5:43
Speaker 4: the semi circle and they weren't really talking, and we
5:47
Speaker 4: didn't have mobile phones back then, so they were kind
5:48
Speaker 4: of just in the area.
5:50
Speaker 1: And I kind of imagine that a bunch of teenage
5:52
Speaker 1: girls or early twenties girls, and none of them looking
5:54
Speaker 1: at a phone because they didn't exist. They were just
5:56
Speaker 1: sitting there.
5:57
Speaker 2: And I said to them, what are you guys doing?
5:58
Speaker 4: I went on nothing, and I just kind of noticed
6:01
Speaker 4: their gaze was all headed in one direction. There was
6:04
Speaker 4: a window in front of them, and behind that window
6:08
Speaker 4: was a young man who was painting I think Fred
6:11
Speaker 4: Flintstone from memory on the window.
6:14
Speaker 1: I was painting Fred Flintstone. And I am embarrassed by
6:19
Speaker 1: this story, but I kind of love it as well,
6:20
Speaker 1: so keep on going.
6:22
Speaker 4: And I just looked at this group of girls. I
6:24
Speaker 4: was like, this is crazy. Why is everyone just sitting here?
6:27
Speaker 4: So I decided that I wasn't going to sit there
6:28
Speaker 4: and be a part of fifteen girls, that I would
6:30
Speaker 4: be part of one. So I walked inside and I
6:32
Speaker 4: sat down next to you, and I started up a conversation.
6:35
Speaker 1: Very bold, missus happy families.
6:36
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, it got me somewhere, so we chatted.
6:40
Speaker 1: Apparently, I have no recollection of.
6:42
Speaker 2: It was completely memorable, clearly.
6:44
Speaker 1: Yeah, I have no recollection of meeting you there. I
6:46
Speaker 1: have no idea that there was a group of girls
6:48
Speaker 1: watching me painting.
6:49
Speaker 2: You were concentrating heavily.
6:52
Speaker 1: I have no idea how to paint. All right, so
6:55
Speaker 1: let's move this right along. I'm in a dorm with
6:57
Speaker 1: the guy that you'd been dating, Joel. We're having a
7:00
Speaker 1: conversation about all the hot girls that are at convention,
7:03
Speaker 1: and I made the comment my goal was to ask
7:05
Speaker 1: as many girls out on dates as I possibly could.
7:08
Speaker 1: A few of the guys not at approvingly and said, yeah,
7:10
Speaker 1: that's what we're all here to do. We're going to
7:11
Speaker 1: ask all these girls on dates. And one person said, yeah,
7:15
Speaker 1: but you don't know if they've got boyfriends, and I said, well,
7:17
Speaker 1: if they've got boyfriends, they can say no. I feel terrible.
7:20
Speaker 1: I can't actually believe that I'm sharing this on the podcast,
7:22
Speaker 1: but I've started now. I said they're fair game unless
7:27
Speaker 1: there's a ring on the finger. My twenty one year
7:30
Speaker 1: old said it with a lot more conviction than I'm
7:31
Speaker 1: saying it right now. I feel uncomfortable saying I still
7:33
Speaker 1: believe that.
7:34
Speaker 2: Well.
7:34
Speaker 1: I kind of do too, but I wish that i'd
7:36
Speaker 1: set it more sensitively.
7:38
Speaker 2: I don't.
7:38
Speaker 1: It's not a very nice one to say it, But
7:40
Speaker 1: what I was basically saying was, if there's a ring
7:42
Speaker 1: on somebody's finger, then they are clearly in a committed relationship,
7:45
Speaker 1: they're getting engaged, they're getting married, stay away. But if
7:48
Speaker 1: there's no ring on their finger. We're here at a
7:50
Speaker 1: young adult convention where we're supposed to be meeting people,
7:53
Speaker 1: so ask them on a date. If they're serious about
7:55
Speaker 1: someone else, they'll say, I'm sorry, I've got a boyfriend.
7:57
Speaker 1: And if they're not, then they'll say no. The only
8:00
Speaker 1: person who really got upset about me saying that was
8:02
Speaker 1: the guy that had been dating you. Joey got most upset,
8:05
Speaker 1: pushed hard against that, and that's kind of all I
8:09
Speaker 1: recall there. But a couple of days later, you and
8:11
Speaker 1: I were doing the cleanup at the end of camp,
8:13
Speaker 1: and somehow, after everything was cleaned up, you and I
8:15
Speaker 1: ended up we kind of.
8:17
Speaker 4: Just bumped into each other. I had managed to separate
8:21
Speaker 4: myself from Joel. Somehow, it just kind of happened as
8:23
Speaker 4: we were moving around and you and I bumped into
8:25
Speaker 4: each other. We started a conversation and we ended up
8:27
Speaker 4: near the pool I had tried for the very first time.
8:31
Speaker 4: I had tried cable.
8:33
Speaker 2: Skiing right water skiing the day before.
8:36
Speaker 4: I am terrible at any of those kinds of sports,
8:38
Speaker 4: and I didn't actually even I don't even think I
8:41
Speaker 4: made it around the track. And your shoulders were so
8:43
Speaker 4: so and my shoulders worse, saur and I mentioned that
8:45
Speaker 4: to you, and you thought, well, I could give you
8:47
Speaker 4: a message. I will say it was That's the only
8:50
Speaker 4: time I've ever had a message from you.
8:52
Speaker 1: Ever, But there was nothing in it.
8:55
Speaker 2: But it was nothing.
8:56
Speaker 1: While I was massaging your sore shoulders from the cable
8:58
Speaker 1: skiing the day before, guess who walked over the ex boyfriend.
9:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, he wasn't the ex boyfriend by that stage.
9:04
Speaker 1: Though, right, so he was pretty upset about things, But
9:08
Speaker 1: I was oblivious to it all and I just left
9:10
Speaker 1: you guys to chat because it was pretty swear to
9:12
Speaker 1: me that he wasn't going to leave. A couple of
9:14
Speaker 1: days later, I bumped into him at an after party
9:17
Speaker 1: and I said to him.
9:18
Speaker 2: And we'd broken up by that point.
9:20
Speaker 1: Yeah, probably because I was massaging your shoulders. And I
9:23
Speaker 1: actually remember saying to him, mate, look, I know you're
9:25
Speaker 1: upset about me spending time with Kylie the other day,
9:27
Speaker 1: but if you and her are supposed to be together,
9:29
Speaker 1: there's nothing I can do that's going to change that.
9:30
Speaker 1: And if I'm supposed to be with her, then there's
9:32
Speaker 1: nothing you can do it's going to change that. It
9:33
Speaker 1: was such a confident thing that I said to him.
9:35
Speaker 4: But what was so funny about that is you weren't
9:37
Speaker 4: even interested in me, not really. There wasn't any romantic
9:40
Speaker 4: notion between either of us.
9:41
Speaker 1: I thought you were good looking and I thought you
9:43
Speaker 1: were great.
9:44
Speaker 4: But there wasn't anything further from that.
9:46
Speaker 1: So let's fast forward just another couple of weeks. You're
9:49
Speaker 1: going on your first family holiday ever, and it just
9:53
Speaker 1: happens to be to the New South Wales central Coast,
9:56
Speaker 1: half an hour from where I live.
9:58
Speaker 2: In the lead up to us leaving on this trip,
10:00
Speaker 2: I had gotten back with Joel.
10:02
Speaker 1: And I had again off again.
10:04
Speaker 2: It was it was.
10:05
Speaker 4: Pretty messy, and I had mentioned to him that the
10:08
Speaker 4: plan was when I went to Gosford that I would
10:10
Speaker 4: actually touch base with you because you were the only
10:12
Speaker 4: person's phone number I had so that I could spend
10:15
Speaker 4: some time with some of the young single adults that
10:17
Speaker 4: I had met during that time. And he was pretty
10:20
Speaker 4: obviously adamant that I wasn't going to do that. But
10:23
Speaker 4: as we got closer to the departure date, he said,
10:25
Speaker 4: I've been thinking about this whole thing with Justin, and
10:27
Speaker 4: I actually think that you should go out on a
10:29
Speaker 4: date with him. And I said, look, guy, I said,
10:31
Speaker 4: we're back together now. I said, there's no berry like,
10:33
Speaker 4: I'm not worried about it. And he said, no, no, no,
10:35
Speaker 4: I really think you should go out with Justin. One
10:37
Speaker 4: day will cure you, and.
10:39
Speaker 2: You'll see what a loser is.
10:41
Speaker 4: You'll absolutely be convinced that he's not the person for you.
10:45
Speaker 4: So we came down to Gosford. I did not contact you.
10:49
Speaker 4: I was there for two weeks and it was two
10:51
Speaker 4: days before and Joel and I actually ended up having
10:52
Speaker 4: a bit of an.
10:53
Speaker 2: Argument because you hadn't gone on a date with me, and.
10:57
Speaker 4: I was pretty upset with the way he treated me,
11:00
Speaker 4: and so I thought, you know what, I'm here, I've
11:01
Speaker 4: only got two more days. I'll just give Justin a
11:03
Speaker 4: call and see if he wants to.
11:04
Speaker 1: Catch up, which you did, and we had such a.
11:06
Speaker 2: Great and we did have so much fun.
11:08
Speaker 1: Yeah, so we went out on that Sunday night. I
11:10
Speaker 1: introduced my family on our first date.
11:12
Speaker 2: You did, and I thought your mum hated me, and.
11:15
Speaker 1: My mom had actually said she's the one. And I
11:20
Speaker 1: dropped you home at midnight because that was your curfew,
11:22
Speaker 1: and we sat on the front step until one am.
11:26
Speaker 1: I got home at about two am. The next morning,
11:28
Speaker 1: I was on your doorstep at seven thirty for date
11:30
Speaker 1: number two. Just loved it, had such a great time.
11:33
Speaker 2: You were supposed to start work at three o'clock.
11:35
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just didn't bother going to work, Like I
11:37
Speaker 1: was completely besided with this wonderful, wonderful girl that I
11:41
Speaker 1: was now dating. But then you went home and I
11:45
Speaker 1: started dating this other girl, and I don't know this
11:48
Speaker 1: stuff happened. And then what was it April? You came
11:51
Speaker 1: back down to Sydney, this time for another convention.
11:53
Speaker 4: Were stat in touch over the phone.
11:55
Speaker 1: We talked a bit, yeah a bit, well, we talked
11:57
Speaker 1: a lot, But then we spent a lot of time
12:01
Speaker 1: together at this convention and by the end of the convention,
12:04
Speaker 1: we'd had our first kiss and we were pretty serious
12:07
Speaker 1: about each other. In the space of just a couple
12:09
Speaker 1: of days, you went home. I talked to you every
12:13
Speaker 1: day and about a week later, one week later, I
12:17
Speaker 1: rang you. We stayed on the phone until about two
12:19
Speaker 1: in the morning.
12:19
Speaker 4: Well, I think what was really cool about this part
12:21
Speaker 4: of the story is that you had caught up with
12:23
Speaker 4: some friends you hadn't seen for a couple of years,
12:25
Speaker 4: and you've been with them for a couple of hours
12:27
Speaker 4: and they finally stopped you mid sentence and said, do
12:30
Speaker 4: you realize that the whole time you've been talking, you
12:33
Speaker 4: haven't stopped talking about this girl? Yeah?
12:35
Speaker 1: Or you want to talk about as Kylie? And I
12:36
Speaker 1: realized they were right. So I rang you from a
12:39
Speaker 1: payphone because there were no mobile phones back then, and said,
12:41
Speaker 1: I'm driving from Sydney back to Gosford. Will you be
12:43
Speaker 1: awake at ten o'clock when I get home? And you
12:45
Speaker 1: said okay, and I rang you at ten. When I
12:47
Speaker 1: got home, I sped home. We talked till two, and
12:50
Speaker 1: at two o'clock in the morning, I asked you to
12:51
Speaker 1: marry me over the phone, Like how romantic If I
12:54
Speaker 1: could go back. If I could go back, I would
12:56
Speaker 1: do that again. Well, sorry, I wouldn't do that again.
12:58
Speaker 1: I would do that very differently, so differently, but you
13:01
Speaker 1: said yes amazingly. So here's the thing. At this point,
13:04
Speaker 1: we've probably spent four or five maybe six days, probably
13:08
Speaker 1: six days if that, in one another's physical presence. Then
13:13
Speaker 1: I got a job in Mount Isaac, you and Brisbane
13:15
Speaker 1: finishing your studies. Your parents wouldn't let us get married
13:17
Speaker 1: until you were nineteen. That pushed it back, and in
13:19
Speaker 1: the end it sort of kept on getting pushed back.
13:21
Speaker 1: We were engaged for eleven months. I'd only seen you
13:26
Speaker 1: for four days during that eleven months. The rest of
13:27
Speaker 1: it was over the phone and old fashioned letters. Email
13:31
Speaker 1: was a brand new thing. That's how old we are.
13:34
Speaker 1: And in fact I worked this out after our honeymoon.
13:38
Speaker 1: We had spent more time in one another's physical presence
13:40
Speaker 1: from marriage to the end of our honeymoon than we'd
13:43
Speaker 1: spent in our entire lives up to our marriage. Oh
13:50
Speaker 1: and I should also mention I did say I won
13:53
Speaker 1: our honeymoon eight nights Tockericky Island in the Mamanuka Group
13:57
Speaker 1: of islands in Fiji, including helicopter transfers. I didn't have
14:02
Speaker 1: to pay for it. We're kind of running out of time.
14:04
Speaker 1: Have we got time for the story about how I
14:05
Speaker 1: want it?
14:06
Speaker 4: Oh?
14:06
Speaker 1: You have to tell a story, okay? In thirty seconds
14:09
Speaker 1: or less. You were talking to me on the telephone
14:11
Speaker 1: about how you'd been looking at some bridal magazines to
14:13
Speaker 1: get some ideas for the wedding. I complained to you
14:16
Speaker 1: that since I was only earning about eighteen thousand dollars
14:18
Speaker 1: a year as a radio announcer at hot FM and
14:20
Speaker 1: four Element Metalizer, we couldn't afford those brighter magazines because
14:22
Speaker 1: they were about twenty dollars each. You were really sad.
14:25
Speaker 1: I was really sad that I'd said that to you.
14:27
Speaker 1: Felt awful. Went into the local news agency and bought
14:29
Speaker 1: two of them and went to post them, and then
14:30
Speaker 1: discovered that what was it?
14:32
Speaker 2: It cost me a for fortune to post these things?
14:33
Speaker 2: Can'tfully if you didn't realize.
14:35
Speaker 1: After I'd spend all this money on the magazines so embarrassing.
14:39
Speaker 4: Then you decided that you would rip out all the
14:41
Speaker 4: pages of the dresses you liked.
14:44
Speaker 1: Can I?
14:44
Speaker 2: I just I so wish that I had kept them.
14:47
Speaker 1: It was so bad.
14:48
Speaker 2: Apparently them in the bin. They were that bad. I
14:51
Speaker 2: wish I had a capture, and.
14:52
Speaker 3: I just said, I bought these magazines for you, but
14:53
Speaker 3: they were too expensive to post. So here are the
14:55
Speaker 3: pictures that I think you might like because I like them.
14:57
Speaker 3: But in one of those magazines there was a winn
14:59
Speaker 3: of holiday for you and your groom or bride. You've
15:06
Speaker 3: just got to tell us, in fifty words or less,
15:08
Speaker 3: why you should win this trip to toker Ricky Island.
15:11
Speaker 3: So I wrote a poem, and I won the honeymoon.
15:15
Speaker 4: And up until this point I had never stayed in
15:20
Speaker 4: anything more than a roadside motel.
15:22
Speaker 1: Not just that, but our honeymoon we had no budget
15:25
Speaker 1: for it, and so we were going to be staying
15:26
Speaker 1: in roadside motels as we drove up the coast to
15:29
Speaker 1: our new home in rock Canton, which is where we're
15:30
Speaker 1: going to be living. So I wrote this poem, and
15:32
Speaker 1: at one I still know the poem. I'll share it
15:34
Speaker 1: with you in just a sec. But let's wrap up
15:37
Speaker 1: this podcast by highlighting that number one, we got married
15:41
Speaker 1: after we'd known each other for four months and day
15:43
Speaker 1: of two weeks. Number two, I had a radio career.
15:47
Speaker 1: Then our marriage survived, not just radio, which is a
15:50
Speaker 1: feat in and of itself. But returned to school for
15:53
Speaker 1: eight and a half years full time, and our marriage
15:56
Speaker 1: survived me being a student, living on a student income
15:58
Speaker 1: and raising two kids, and then three, and then four kids,
16:00
Speaker 1: and then five kids. Graduated with my PhD. We had
16:03
Speaker 1: our six daughter shortly after I started the business. The
16:06
Speaker 1: marriages survived starting and running a business. Now we've got
16:09
Speaker 1: six kids and a grandkid. We're up to twenty six
16:11
Speaker 1: years of marriage next year, and our marriage is the
16:14
Speaker 1: best thing in our lives, without question, the best thing
16:17
Speaker 1: in our lives. So we want to share with you
16:19
Speaker 1: three things that our experience and research show make for
16:23
Speaker 1: a happy marriage. If they're not relevant to you, that's okay.
16:27
Speaker 1: We just want to share them because they're relevant to
16:28
Speaker 1: us and they fit with what the research shows. So
16:32
Speaker 1: number one, Number one, we just might really like each
16:35
Speaker 1: We really like each other, oh lot.
16:38
Speaker 4: One of the things that I love about our story
16:41
Speaker 4: is on the morning we got married, yes, you were
16:44
Speaker 4: driving down the freeway to meet me.
16:47
Speaker 1: Can I share this one? Because this one, this is
16:49
Speaker 1: the I had this great experience driving from Gosford down
16:52
Speaker 1: to Sydney for the wedding. I'm sitting with my best
16:54
Speaker 1: man in the car, just the two of us, driving
16:56
Speaker 1: down And as we went over the Hawksbury River Bridge
16:58
Speaker 1: and I'm looking at the water, my friend Ian said
17:01
Speaker 1: to me, are you nervous? And I looked at him
17:04
Speaker 1: and said, I feel like today I'm going to make
17:08
Speaker 1: a commitment to spend the rest of my life with
17:10
Speaker 1: my very best friend. I'm I was so excited, like
17:13
Speaker 1: there were no nerves at all. I just couldn't wait.
17:15
Speaker 1: I don't think that I realized the enormative of what
17:17
Speaker 1: we were committing to it in some ways because I
17:19
Speaker 1: was just so young and dumb. But I was genuinely
17:23
Speaker 1: and truly excited to be able to spend that time
17:25
Speaker 1: with you.
17:26
Speaker 2: And I felt exactly the same.
17:28
Speaker 4: I didn't have that conversation, but I was just so
17:30
Speaker 4: excited to be able to say yes and to spend
17:34
Speaker 4: the rest of my life with you.
17:35
Speaker 1: The very, very famous philosopher Elaine de Bauton talks about
17:39
Speaker 1: how one reason that marriages fail so much is because
17:41
Speaker 1: of the growing resentment as couples grow together and discover
17:45
Speaker 1: that they can't do a lot of the things that
17:46
Speaker 1: they once did or what they wanted to do because
17:49
Speaker 1: of one another, and I just find that such a
17:51
Speaker 1: pessimistic view of what a relationship is. You and I
17:54
Speaker 1: drive each other mat in a variety of different ways,
17:56
Speaker 1: There's no doubt about that, and we've each bought a
18:00
Speaker 1: whole lot of baggage into our relationship. But I decided
18:05
Speaker 1: when I made that commitment to marry you, when I
18:07
Speaker 1: asked you to marry you at two o'clock on the
18:08
Speaker 1: phone that morning, that I was going to love you
18:11
Speaker 1: more deeply than anyone or anything in my life. And
18:16
Speaker 1: that has been one of the most wonderful decisions that
18:19
Speaker 1: I've made. So how's that for a happy Valentine's question.
18:24
Speaker 1: Let's move on to the second one. Numb, Okay, the
18:27
Speaker 1: second thing. This is going to be a little bit
18:29
Speaker 1: of a surprising one and maybe even a little bit
18:30
Speaker 1: provocative for some people, but attending church together has been
18:36
Speaker 1: something that has been a real stabilizing force for us
18:39
Speaker 1: in our marriage. Brad Wilcox is a UVA University of
18:43
Speaker 1: Virginia professor sociology professor. He's just written a book called
18:46
Speaker 1: Get Married. I'm actually going to have him on the
18:48
Speaker 1: podcast in a few weeks to talk about the book
18:50
Speaker 1: and the research behind it, But basically, his research shows
18:53
Speaker 1: that couples who have their faith in common and who
18:56
Speaker 1: participate in their religious worship together tend to have higher
19:00
Speaker 1: levels of marital and life satisfaction than those who don't. Now,
19:03
Speaker 1: of course, there's plenty of people who don't have faith
19:05
Speaker 1: who live wonderfully happy lives and are delightedly happy in
19:08
Speaker 1: their marriages. But on average, that's what the difference is
19:10
Speaker 1: that exists. And of course there's plenty of churchgoers that
19:13
Speaker 1: are miserable. This is not cause, this is correlational. But
19:17
Speaker 1: for us, what has happened is our core beliefs are common.
19:21
Speaker 1: We've got our values, we know what they are, we
19:24
Speaker 1: stick to them, and we spend a lot of time
19:26
Speaker 1: in a community that shares those values, and that reinforces
19:30
Speaker 1: the value of our marriage. So that would be what
19:33
Speaker 1: I would say. Our second one is number one, we
19:35
Speaker 1: just really really like each other so very much. And
19:37
Speaker 1: number two, we have those core values in common and
19:40
Speaker 1: we actively practice them.
19:42
Speaker 4: And I think as we have gone through different challenges
19:46
Speaker 4: throughout our lives, and some of those have rocked the
19:50
Speaker 4: very foundation of everything we believe in, it has been
19:56
Speaker 4: the commonality that we share in those core values. That
19:59
Speaker 4: has enable to look towards each other instead of turning away,
20:05
Speaker 4: and that has that's made all the difference.
20:08
Speaker 1: So that leads into the third big idea that has
20:11
Speaker 1: I think helped us to have a twenty six year
20:13
Speaker 1: marriage that just flourishes, that just thrives and brings me
20:16
Speaker 1: to tears when I think about how great FLA am
20:18
Speaker 1: for it. Early in our first year of marriage, I
20:20
Speaker 1: think we're about nine months in when we had a
20:22
Speaker 1: first fight, first argument, and I remember at some point
20:27
Speaker 1: that in that early stage, during one of our conflicts,
20:30
Speaker 1: you said, look, if we're just going to be like this,
20:32
Speaker 1: we might as well get divorced or something like that.
20:34
Speaker 1: You dropped the D word, and I remember so distinctly.
20:37
Speaker 1: I remember stopping you and saying, no, matter what happens
20:40
Speaker 1: in this marriage, we don't say divorce. It's not in
20:44
Speaker 1: our vocabulary. Now, with time, I think that I was
20:49
Speaker 1: probably a little too strong on that. If there is
20:51
Speaker 1: a relationship where there as abuse happening, where somebody is
20:53
Speaker 1: not safe, divorce has to be an option. There are
20:56
Speaker 1: some marriages that really shouldn't continue, but fortunately ours is
20:59
Speaker 1: not one of those. And since that day, you've never
21:03
Speaker 1: said the word divorce. It's never come up in our conversation.
21:06
Speaker 1: It just hasn't been an option. And I think having
21:09
Speaker 1: that level of commitment, we've burnt the boats. There's no
21:12
Speaker 1: going back. This is what decision we've made that's been
21:15
Speaker 1: so fundamental to the level of commitment that we have
21:19
Speaker 1: in our marriage. When I look at the very best
21:21
Speaker 1: marriage research, it shows clearly that the number one predictor
21:25
Speaker 1: of relationships that work is literally commitment when both couples
21:29
Speaker 1: are fully committed.
21:30
Speaker 2: Well, we've probably bought everyone to tears with our stories.
21:33
Speaker 1: This great story.
21:34
Speaker 4: Come on. I'm so hopefully some of our tips may
21:37
Speaker 4: be helpful.
21:39
Speaker 2: But you did tease everyone you won a honeymoon? Yes
21:42
Speaker 2: with a poem?
21:43
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I did say I'd share the poem. Okay,
21:45
Speaker 1: here we go. I don't even have it in front
21:47
Speaker 1: of me. I've memorized it because all these years, here's
21:50
Speaker 1: how it goes. My love for Kylie makes me swoon.
21:54
Speaker 1: I'd love to surprise it with the ultimate honeymoon. We'd
21:56
Speaker 1: fly to Fiji. To be more specific, we'd fly first
21:59
Speaker 1: class with Air Pacific. Should I win this for my
22:02
Speaker 1: beautiful bride, how my heart would swell with pride, and
22:04
Speaker 1: many thanks would go to you for helping to make
22:06
Speaker 1: a dream come true.
22:07
Speaker 2: It sounds like an ad.
22:08
Speaker 1: It's so cheesy, isn't it. But I knew if I
22:09
Speaker 1: put the sponsors in and if I gave them what
22:12
Speaker 1: they wanted, I had a good chance of winning.
22:14
Speaker 2: And it worked.
22:15
Speaker 1: We won this high, I mean, and it was a
22:17
Speaker 1: great honeymoon to tok Rickey Island. It was amazing, absolutely brilliant.
22:20
Speaker 2: Geez. They set the.
22:21
Speaker 4: Standard high from the very beginning and I haven't expected
22:24
Speaker 4: anything less since.
22:25
Speaker 1: And so Valentine's Day is a bit of a disappointment
22:29
Speaker 1: for you today. The Happy Family's podcast is produced by
22:31
Speaker 1: Justin Roland. Craig Bruce is our executive producer. Craig was
22:34
Speaker 1: the one that convinced us that we had to tell
22:36
Speaker 1: this story. If you've stayed with us right to the
22:38
Speaker 1: very end, thank you so much for indulging us in
22:40
Speaker 1: sharing the story. We hope that it's that brought a
22:43
Speaker 1: little bit of light and color and maybe even some
22:45
Speaker 1: delight to your day. And we hope that our ideas
22:47
Speaker 1: about what makes marriages strong have been a little bit
22:51
Speaker 1: inspiring and helpful for you as well. Thank you so much.
22:53
Speaker 1: For listening. We really hope that you have a wonderful,
22:55
Speaker 1: wonderful Valentine's Day. Tomorrow, we're back on the Happy Families podcast,
22:59
Speaker 1: sharing our favoritavorite books of the year so far with
23:01
Speaker 1: book Club. If you want more information about making your
23:04
Speaker 1: family happier, please join us happy families dot com dot
23:07
Speaker 1: au or check us out on all of our socials.