Latest / 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids. / How to Develop a "With Me" Parenting Strategy for Discipleship w/Melinda Poling

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How to Develop a "With Me" Parenting Strategy for Discipleship w/Melinda Poling · 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids.

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to another episode of the Five Minute Parenting Podcast.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Karen Ferguson, wife, mom, grandmom, and children's book author with a background in K-8 education and a passion for equipping parents to raise confident and God-confident kids.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: In this podcast, we'll cover parenting practices for both a practical view and a biblical view.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: Our goal is to help you raise kids with a positive, godly self-image so they can become all they were created to be.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: I know you're busy, so we'll keep it short.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: Let's take just five minutes and dive in.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to Five Minute Parenting.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: Today we're talking with author and homeschool mom Melinda Poling about the topic of with me, keeping our kids with us as we pray, serve, and do life.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: Melinda is a ministry team leader in her church, an active apologetics coach, speaker, pastor's wife, and the mother of eight sons and one daughter and seven grandchildren.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: Melinda delights in bringing Christ to the center of any conversation or story by engaging hearts.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: She's aired on various podcasts, been published in magazines, and her fiction has made her an award winner in both the Cascade and the ACFW Kid Lit contests.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: She and her husband enjoy country life and educating their youngest two children at home, praying daily to finish strong.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the show, Melinda.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: This topic of with me sounds fascinating, and you're a great resource for it, having raised nine beautiful children.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: So tell us what you mean by this and how parents can make it work with busy households and calendars.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so the idea of with me is the discipleship method.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's the idea of whatever you're doing in life, if you can bring a child along, do.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: And um I want to kind of spell out the vision for it and then give some life examples of how the Lord used it.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: So um we do homeschool, so there's there's um a lot of time that we are able to have our kids with us.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's the concept of painting the fence in the same place.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um when they're with us, we have, you know, we can talk about life together and you know, work through attitudes and all the things.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: So there's there's character training that's going on.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: And the more we're together, the more we have opportunity to foster relationship and fruitfulness.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: So our day would look like doing devotions together, eating together, working together, reading together, schooling at the same time, at least with the youngers in the same place.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um I call a rest time every day because you can only have so much together before it's not fun anymore.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just everyone giving a break.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: And um evening prayer together.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: We do try and let them know appropriate needs in the body at church so they can be praying and see what God does for his people.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Doing life this way has raised, so we have six sons that are married.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: One that's in college, lives at home and working full-time.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: So you can kind of catch the picture that most of them are adults now.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but that's raised of what's the kids who are uh aware, aware of the surroundings, aware of people and care about people.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'd like to see how they interact.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um okay, so we didn't have, we didn't want the just everybody go to your own room and do your own thing.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: The proverbs warn that a child left to himself brings his father and mother to shame.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: So that was something we were trying to avoid.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um having oversight is important and it it allows us as parents less freedom to just go do what we want, but the fruitfulness is huge.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: So um we had we had our mornings were more scheduled and our afternoons were a little more free so they could do projects.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um I'm sure there's somebody that's screaming codependent, you know.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: But I really want to say, you know, like if you look at a sports team, they have to work in sync.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Or show me a ship whose crew doesn't have a schedule or a staff office staff.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: You know, they're this are just things that we understand work well together when well synced, and a family is one of them.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm not talking about doing everything together, but the majority of our day.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: And as um have called this plant staking with the younger ones where you just kind of keep them with you.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's a kind of a funny story when my kids were younger.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: I would be making breakfast.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: I was definitely outnumbered.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: I did not need them wrestling in the other room before 8 a.m.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I just put them each on a stool and the baby on a blanket, and I'd turn on the Bible and I'd make breakfast.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: And it was this leisurely half hour that I wasn't worried about like hurrying or they might, you know, freak out.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like it was, it was a training time.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: And um, and of course, we had to reinforce, no, you really do need to stay on the stool.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: And one of my sons, I thought, oh, he's gonna hate the Bible because of this training time.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: And he has come back so many times and say, that was the most precious time, mom.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: Wonderful.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: So we go to an age-integrated church, and I loved hearing after church from our kids what conversations they had uh with other kids, other adults, younger kids, all of it.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes they would talk about car repairs because all of our boys seem to be really into fixing their own cars.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it would be about investments or career opportunities.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'd always hear about if um some somebody older in the congregation gave them um advice for a spouse, those kind of things.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: So that was just kind of fun to hear what they were learning on a whole nother level.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: But I have great memories of us working in the kitchen together.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Mexican food is a favorite in our home.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: So one would be chopping veggies, someone else would be re frying beans, someone would make guacamole, and someone would saute the onions and brown the meat.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you just get the idea that somebody's setting the table and somebody else is warming tortillas and and you just have a feast.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: And they all all six of our older boys have learned to cook and they're I just have to say that's a beautiful picture right there.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: It really is of just the family working together like that.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: That's special.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: It was yummy, and I've actually I've missed those times.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's sweet when they come home for a celebration or something.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Oftentimes we'll hop back in the kitchen together, and those are very sweet times for me.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: So here's some stories that came out of outside of our four walls.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my husband is a contractor, so he works on homes and builds homes, and he's very hands-on, fixes things, and he'd if he was repairing a tool, he'd gather the boys around, or maybe they would just naturally gravitate to him, right?
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: And he'd be answering questions.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: But I remember that getting outside our fur walls when a friend of ours at church had mobility issues, and she had recently acquired a walker, and before, you know, we're just bringing stuff in the door at church, and I look over, and our 12-year-old son is working on it, and she's thanking him profusely.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: And evidently there was some problem that he had fixed, and it I didn't know that he could fix things outside of the house, you know.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: I was kind of there's a learning curve, and so that was really special.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, last week I sat listening to our 28-year-old son reading Bible stories to his kids before bed, and as he asked questions and I heard their sweet little answers, my heart just leapt that this generational blessing is continuing of keeping his kids with him in the scripture.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: So looking back many years, um, I one of my favorite stories was on a we have one town day where we get our groceries, run our errands, go to music lessons.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I had planned in that day to swim by park.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: So we're playing at the park, and I noticed this young lady on a swing that was looking very sad.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: I just got the impression that she didn't, she probably wouldn't interact with me.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I asked our then 10-year-old son, he's our oldest, if he would be willing to go talk with her.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: And he did.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think it took courage, it took, you know, crossing a few barriers to be able to do that, but he did and um started talking with her, and a police officer walks up.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Evidently, the gal had run away from home.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: She wasn't in school, and he's been sent to find out why.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: And he turns to Josiah and says, And why aren't you in school?
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: It was kind of a firm voice thing, it was a little intimidating and just I kind of hesitate at any points.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: He goes, My my school is in that gray van over there.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: I just had to laugh because he didn't.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: They had to do the math on those days, and it was just but he was willing to go and talk and pray for somebody he didn't know.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Here she was a girl, he's a guy, you got that barrier to, you know, there's there's just several things that, and I just thought, praise God, that he was willing to do that.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I think he'd just seen seen that done.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: So that's awesome.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, the boys have always worked on their own cars, and David taught them to do that, but their desire to learn has saved them a lot of money and turned into a hobby and ministry.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: They've been able to help other people, it's been fun to see.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I love how many times I've heard the grown boys, um, our oldest is 30, hear about them moving another household or helping the their church.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: They don't all go to the same church, we don't all go to the same church, and but they're contributors there in one way or another, and that that makes my heart thrilled because my husband is a pastor, he co-leads with another man, and and that's a blessing to me that they carry that forward.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: I remember taking our one daughter to a ladies' retreat, um, and I had to ask permission for her to go, but the ladies knew that this is how we operated, so they're very, very sweet about it.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: Me taking her, she was young, like eight or nine at the time.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: And the content was appropriate, and but I remember sucking in a quick breath when we divided into small groups to pray because not everybody loves little ears listening when they're wanting to share prayer needs.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so I just was hoping I get sent to the right group that would be okay with that.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: But this is what happened.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we talked and prayed, and Bethany didn't skip a beat, she just laid her hands on the ladies right along with the rest of us and prayed.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: And when we were done, my friend cornered me and she said, I can't believe how well she articulated what I'd said and turned it into a tender prayer.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: I had to open my eyes just to see her little mouth moving for all of that.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: It was so tender and innocent and beautiful.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: She said, How did you do that?
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then she leaned in and whispered, it makes me wish I'd brought my daughter.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: That's powerful.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: And it's um it wasn't anything I had done other than just keeping her with me as I was able in regular life.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to um say, now we've been invited to go to Washington, DC.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: I think I'm invited because of Bethany to a prayer rally at the Capitol with this same friend with her daughter.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: So it's exciting.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: The mama that Bethany prayed over at that retreat is inviting us, and she's taking her daughter as well.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't know if we can go, but I'm excited for that, for them to go and maybe for us to be able to join.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: For a time we led an evangelism team where we took whoever could go on a Thursday afternoon to town and talk to people about the Lord.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: And we would divide it, we'd pray, divide up into groups, and name a time, a place to gather.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: And when three o'clock came, um, I we didn't know where Andrew was.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I just kind of asked around.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Oh, he's still at the bow bowling alley talking.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: So we walked over to see, and sure enough, he's got this group of older teens around him talking about the Lord.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, he was about 11 at the time.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I had to ask later, hey Andrew, how did you launch into conversation with those older guys?
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: He said, Oh, he just had this enormous smile and he said, I just said we're talking about Jesus today.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know him?
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I just my mama heart just tickled at that, that he could so easily launch into conversation with people who are in disage.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: And again, it's not something we did, it was just bring keeping them with us in that atmosphere of we're talking about Jesus.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: So can I just uh say we pray every day for God to fill them and us?
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's like we're holding the bag for a miracle, and then God has opportunity to show up and he does.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: When God has opportunity to show himself strong, he does.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: We just look at like Elijah's life, you know, with the whole water on the altar thing.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's what it feels like.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: So our Micah uh would talk to someone at during this evangelism time near the courthouse, office buildings was their lunch break.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and finally the guy, you know, talked with him for several weeks in a row uh during this evangelism time, and then finally said, I don't want to talk, don't come back again.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought, oh, that's rough.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: Micah was not daunted by that.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: That didn't feel like rejection to him.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: That felt like the rejection to me, but it didn't to him.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: And he went right back to talk again.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I can't say that you know, there's some huge salvation story, but I just the determination was humbling to me.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't mean and persistence, not letting that discourage him, you know.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: The Lord's showing up.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: But uh Josiah in his high school college years, is he's at a local our local community college, and he saw a young girl in the parking lot, frustrated to tears over a parking ticket.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: And he just said, Hey, can I pray for you?
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: And she was like, Yeah.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: He just put one hand on her shoulder and lifted her and her car situation up to the Lord.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that's just an easy way to um to meet a need.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so we can make a difference by living life with our kids, letting God shine through them.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: The results are up to him, but the action is on us, and he will he will do his part.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: If we're struggling to do our part, which I have so many times, I just want to encourage any listener, if you're struggling, to just ask God, I'm not in the word the way I want to be, or I'm not craving alone.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I am craving alone time too much to want to bring a child along.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: Could you please work in me to love better?
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: And he does.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: Philippians 2 says, it is God who wills and works in us to do for his good pleasure.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my encouragement is uh let's not try to do God's work without his word.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God, Romans says.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then to the mom who doesn't have the luxury of home educating, I want to offer some suggestions because I myself was not homeschooled.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: I kind of wish I had been.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, even while I was in school, there were some things that made it like, gee, I really wish I could be at home.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: But that wasn't an option back then.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I felt like my mom did things to disciple us during the time we were at home that definitely helped my heart to be able to navigate, navigate.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um she snagged moments, and we would come before we leave for school, she would make breakfast and we'd get ourselves ready and get everything packed up, but we'd sit down and eat breakfast.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: It was fast, but it was nourishing.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: And while we'd eat, she would read to us from our daily daily bread, uh devotional.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I so many times analogies come to my mind easily, like I'll see something and I just see God in it.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I ha have to attribute that to that time that she spent with us in the morning because putting a word picture together with the scripture was how they how they designed their material.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I just, it was soul food, you know, before you go out the door.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: And then when we come home, she'd have a snack for us and we'd sit down.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: The idea was for us to share about our day, but I know that sometimes it was hard for us to think at the end of the day.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: And we it was either it either didn't come out or it would come out as a flood, but it was kind of nowhere in between.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: But those were precious times too, just knowing that she was there for us to listen.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I encourage parents to be intentional and spontaneous to try and detect moments that are important to them and talk.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, of course, there's always those late night moments that a teen wants to talk, and we want to keep those going.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: And then to carve moments into the day for God time together.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's at a meal, you read some scripture or praying at the start or end of the day.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then my last final encouragement here is live life with your kids, the good, the tough, turn it into prayer with them and let God defend Himself.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: We've seen God do mighty things in our congregation and in our family and life all around us just by including the kids and definitely including God.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: So well, this has been wonderful, Melinda.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for sharing your stories, your personal stories.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_01: I know it's an inspiration to me, and I know it's going to be an inspiration to many busy families out there.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I appreciate the way you did include the homeschool moms too.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: I know we have uh the non-homeschool moms, the ones who aren't.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I know that we have some moms and dads listening that just can't homeschool or, you know, for whatever reason.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_01: And so thank you for including them as well.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_01: But um, this is just a very important topic.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: And um, I love your stories.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for being here.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's been a real treat.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_01: And before we close, I want to mention that you have a freebie that you're giving our listeners today.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: Can you tell us about that?
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, this story is a full-length uh novel that's on my website.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: You can go to melindapooling.com and see that there.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's called Helium Farm, uh, Mysterious Fruit Clouds, and a sabotaged farm forced 12-year-old Blake to become a hero.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: Along the way, he must confront family secrets and make difficult choices between championship glory and helping his favorite uncle.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: Wonderful.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: Well, perfect.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for sharing that.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_01: And uh again, thank you for being here today.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: And listeners, thank you for joining us.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: Be sure to check the show notes for links to Melinda's website, follow her on social media, grab that free book download.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, have a blessed week.