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Why Narcissists steal your identity · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful folks?
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  Today we're going to be talking about how and why narcissists
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  steal your identity and your hobbies and keep doing the stuff
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  that you like to do even after the relationship ends.
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  Like they steal your hobbies and then when y'all break up,
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  they're still doing your hobbies that they claimed that they
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  didn't like. I hate this, but they're doing
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  it now. If you do hear, my name is Lee
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  Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
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  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Welcome back, folks. Welcome back, welcome back.
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  Yes, yo, narcissistic people or identity bees.
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  And I say that this is something that I do say a lot, y'all, how
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  narcissistic people will absolutely, absolutely RIP off
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  your entire identity and start to act like you, start to become
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  like you and tell it. Like, they'll claim that they
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  hate things about you, right? They'll claim that they hate so
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  many things about your personality and the content of
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  your character and things like that, right?
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  But you'll notice it. If you take a step back, you'll
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  notice a lot of times that they start to act like you.
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  They'll start to say you're like, if you have a catch
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  phrase, they'll start to say like you.
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  Let's say you have a catch phrase like oh shucks, like oh,
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  like like goofy, Oh shucks. Like they'll be like, why do you
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  keep saying that? It's so stupid.
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  Like please stop saying aw shucks, that's it's so ignorant.
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  That makes you sound like a kid, like you're an adult.
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  Grow up. Like use your big, use your big
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  boy or big girl words. Use your words right?
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  And then once you grow like you notice all of a sudden, I don't
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  know where they would talk. They'll be talking to their
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  friends or whatever and they'll say aw shucks.
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  And you be like, why did you did you just say what you you just
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  said all shook. I thought I thought you didn't
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  like that. Huh?
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  No, I didn't. You're crazy.
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  Stop. Just be quiet.
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  Oh, goodness gracious. They'll try to gaslight you.
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  Right? Narcissist.
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  And this speaks for me as well. Y'all, we most of us lack a true
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  authentic identity. Like a lot of us end up being
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  ashamed of the things that we actually like to do, the things
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  that we actually like to take part in and whatnot, right?
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  A lot of us cannot stand that right there.
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  We cannot stand the fact that we're out here like liking
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  certain things that we're embarrassed of.
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  So we try to become like you, like you, like you might have a
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  lot of friends and family members, right?
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  Like you might have a lot of people in your orbit that
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  actually like you. They actually like to deal with
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  you. They actually like to be around
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  you and we or jealous of that, like your narcissistic partner,
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  parent, whoever it is, do your parent, your friend, whoever it
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  is right, They become jealous of they, they just Oh, y'all and
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  you, you can tell that they're jealous of you.
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  A lot of times they're they're unnecessarily angry to you, like
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  they're they're unnecessarily, unnecessarily mean to you.
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  It's like, why? Why the hell you being so mean
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  for no reason? Like you'll, you'll get a job
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  promotion, you'll get a you'll get a change job.
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  You'll get, you'll get your dream job, you'll get you into
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  your dream school. You'll get ready to graduate.
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  You'll get a certificate, right? You'll get take a course like
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  for like a hair stylist course, whatever you talk about, right?
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  Learn how to do nails. You learn how to cut hair,
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  whatever it may be. And they'll just shoot down your
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  stuff, right? They'll shoot it down, make it
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  seem like it's nothing, but then they themselves will go out and
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  do something similar. They're copying you because
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  they're jealous of you. I'm just telling you, I tell
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  this to a lot of people right here.
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  What I'm doing my one-on-one coaching over zoom or talking to
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  people in my support group. My support group is called a
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  mental healers. You check it out at
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  mentalillness.net. Y'all see it scrolling across?
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  You see it scrolling across the bottom of the screen, right?
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  Coaching, coaching courses, support groups, everything is
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  available at Mental Healer. Mental illness dot net.
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  But this is part of it though y'all.
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  So This is why I try to tell so many people they're like you are
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  a good person, you are worthy of love, you are actually worthy of
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  being liked at least. But guess what, you could tell
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  by how that but how that narcissistic person is acting
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  around you, how they're treating you, how they're behaving around
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  you because they are, they are telling you that you are worthy
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  of love because they start acting like you and trying to
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  steal your personality, personality characteristics.
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  They're trying to do little things here and there act to
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  become like you. They're mirroring you.
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  You know you like this. This is a crazy thing right
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  here. But this is a crazy question you
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  can ask yourself, right? Do you really want to know how
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  worthy of love you are? Why, like I say, they mirror
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  you. Narcissistic people steal your
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  personality characteristics. They start to act like you.
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  They take your, they really, really steal your identity.
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  And now when I say steal your identity, I don't mean like
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  there's stealing your credit cards or Social Security
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  numbers, something like that way some of them will you do have
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  those out there. They're stealing your likes,
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  dislikes, your behaviors though, your mannerisms, your career
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  choices, your career path, your friends.
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  I'm going to tell your friends sometimes, y'all, your family
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  members, they're trying to date your ex, whatever it is, y'all,
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  they'll try to do stuff like this.
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  Like this is how you know that you're worthy of love because
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  they mirror you. You're like, they literally
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  might try to convince you that you're not worthy of behavior
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  getting treated a certain type of way.
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  But then they'll turn around and show you straight up like, yeah,
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  you are absolutely worthy of love because look how I'm
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  treating you. Look how, look how you behave.
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  Look how? Look how things are going right
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  here, right? Sorry.
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  Like they all start to act just like you.
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  They are mirroring you because they see that you are worthy of
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  love. They see that people like you,
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  they see that you're bright and shining or whatever you want to
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  say, whatever all those old euphemisms are.
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  Your bright, shining light, your brightness lights up the room.
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  Your smile you're gluing. Yeah, whatever, whatever that
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  type of stuff is right there that they say right.
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  But they also you get the other end of the spectrum with like
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  they realize they, they are not worthy.
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  Like I like me personally who I am right now or who I was years
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  ago. So right now I'm, I'm more of
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  who I'm supposed to be, right? I, I have more of my, of my, my
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  own identity, right. But years ago, I lacked a true
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  identity. I didn't really know what I
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  liked, who I really was, or what I even like to do, right?
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  So what I started doing was I started taking the personality
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  characteristics of the people around me that I was either
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  jealous of or I wanted to be like, right?
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  I started stealing those personality characteristics of
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  people that I was really, truly jealous of and that I wanted to
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  become like that. I wanted to act like like,
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  seriously, that's how I used to do things, right?
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  There you go. I you seriously used to do that
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  all the damn time, right? And I enjoyed doing it, right,
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  because I would see one of my friends, like he will be like
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  super like I'm, I'm yeah, if you meet me in real life, you would
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  see like, I might be like a on the larger side, but I'm very
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  quiet, right? I'm very, you know, I'm I'm I'm
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  staying, I'm holding out the environment, I'm looking around,
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  making sure everything is safe or whatever.
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  I'm always looking around right. But this is what I say.
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  Like he, one of my friends is like super loud and boisterous.
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  He's always he, he knew how to get the attention on him, still
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  does right now, like, and I was like, damn, he really does.
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  He really is around a lot of people that like him, that
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  they're really enjoy being like he attracts attention.
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  How does he do that? So I would study him and I would
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  take the personality characteristics about him that I
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  liked and I would make them my own.
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  I was just literally find out how to draw attention to myself
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  without being loud and boisterous because I felt, I
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  feel like that's annoying, right?
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  So I would dress a certain type of way.
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  I would do my hair a certain type of way, right?
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  You cut you, you copy. Even even hairstyles like my, I,
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  I, for a long time I just had regular braids, right?
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  I had just have designs in my head and regular braids.
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  My brother, my twin brother got dreads.
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  I was like, damn, I like that. So I got dreads.
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  He cut his hair off years ago. He's a teacher in Charlotte, NC.
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  He cut his hair off years ago. Here I am still got dreads 16
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  years later, right. It's crazy that even with the
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  dreads, I took that from somebody I took that from my
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  brother. Like my sense of humor was
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  y'all, y'all see my sense of humor?
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  That's just a defense mechanism. I've learned to try to make
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  things funny in order to try to deal with a lot of different
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  things, right? Even the painful stuff.
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  I try to find humor in everything.
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  I'm not not everything, but most things some days you can't, you
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  can't like you can't find humor in right.
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  Some some certain things are devastating and the world is
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  kind of a very, very dark kind of place or whatnot, right?
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  That is very difficult to even deal with a process.
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  So I'll say that I say that to say this right here.
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  When you're dealing with these people, they are stealing your
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  identity because they know that you are worthy of love, but they
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  don't want to make you feel worthy of love because they
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  don't They themselves don't feel worthy of love in internally
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  like narcissist punish you, narcissist.
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  And this is when the statements narcissist punish you for loving
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  them. Imagine getting like, imagine
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  you getting punished because you love your partner.
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  How insane is that? Like you're getting punished
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  because you love, you chose to love somebody.
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  This is the this is the dynamic there's so many people face
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  right here. They punish the hell out of you
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  for loving the hell out of them. It's crazy.
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  It really, really is. It is absolutely mind boggling
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  how it goes right here, y'all. It's crazy how narcissistic
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  people will treat you this type of way, will behave this type of
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  way. We'll do this type of stuff to
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  you just to kind of get into your head to make you feel less
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  worthy because they're projecting how they feel inside.
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  They're projecting that they feel less worthy.
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  Do they want you to feel less worthy?
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  Right. This is the, this really is the
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  mentality of narcissistic people.
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  This is what you have to get accustomed to when you're
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  dealing with an abusive person, when you're dealing with a
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  manipulative person, when you're dealing with them, they're a
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  psychopath, right? Because narcissistic people are
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  going to do this kind of crazy these, these crazy toxic ass
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  behaviors because they feel like they benefit them the most.
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  Like the jealousy is kind of crazy out.
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  Jealousy is one of these weird, weird emotions that provokes
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  narcissists to do a lot of this toxic, insane stuff that they
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  themselves are doing to you. This is one of the things that
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  you, you and I hate that you have to deal with this because
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  you don't deserve to deal with this, right?
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  You don't deserve to. They have to deal with this
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  crazy ass person and how they behave and how they're acting
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  and whatnot, right? But it's part of it, isn't it?
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  It's part of this weird conundrum that you face while
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  you're trying to heal and trying to grow.
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  They're like, even after y'all break up, they're still behaving
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  like you, like just because it's kind of like they're putting on,
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  putting it on an act, right? And even when y'all break up,
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  they're still in character. This is a it's really, it's kind
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  of like, you know how those, some of those actors have they,
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  they call it method acting. Well, they're, they will just
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  fall into they would never drop their character.
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  They would never stop acting like a certain type of certain
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  person. And we're not right.
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  You know, you see how they how they'd be going?
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  Like they really are method actors and they never dropped
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  the ACT. Even when you leave the
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  relationship, they're still acting like you.
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  They're still going to your favorite restaurant.
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  They're still picking up your favorite hobbies and doing the
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  stuff that you like to do. Even though they told you that
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  they hated doing certain things, they hated going to certain
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  bars. They hated certain bars.
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  Guess what? They're going to the they're
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  frequenting those bars now. They hated going certain places.
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  They're going those places right now.
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  You see that mentality, right? You see how the mind of an
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  abusive narcissist works, right? This is, this is how it goes.
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  I will also say this as well, like sometimes they, they will
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  still be mirroring you. They'll they'll, they're
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  breaking you into that new relationship or whatever they
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  have going on, but they're also mirroring the new person as
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  well. It's kind of like a, it's kind
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  of like a damn, you know how crabs and like spiders molt the
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  narcissist, The narcissist is molting and getting a new
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  exoskeleton, getting a new personality, a new shield in a
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  new relationship, right? Just imagine that narcissist
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  like molting and shaking and like a snake shaded in skin
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  really like rubbing against the damn rock trying to break that
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  skin open and trying to get out of there.
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  You know, there's, there's still a snake, there's still that same
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  spider or crab or whatever it is, right?
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  But now they're just in a new relationship.
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  Now they have to take on new characteristics in order to
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  survive. Like really, really, really what
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  it is. It's a survival thing.
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  Narcissists are really, truly trying to survive and whatnot,
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  right? They really are.
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  So they're trying to survive, they're trying to thrive.
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  They're trying to do a lot of different things in order to
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  make it. But like I said, it's very
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  difficult when you're trying to deal with this abusive person.
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  And like I said, when you see them, even when the relationship
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  ends, if y'all still have contact or you, you know, y'all
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  have kids or whatever the case may be, you'll see them still
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  acting like you. And it will, it will get on your
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  last damn nerve. It will piss you off.
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  You like why you, you treated me horribly for doing this and now
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  we're broken up and you're still doing the same stuff.
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  What the hell is going? And you'll be mad at say, I know
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  I do. I talk to a lot of people who
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  experience this and it makes them angry to see the narcissist
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  is still doing the same things that they claim to hate, but now
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  with the new person they they claim to love them.
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  This is why I tell you how to turn off the narcissist TV
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  watching them behave this way. Watching them act this way
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  doesn't benefit you anyway, right?
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  It doesn't help you in any way. It really just hinders your
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  healing. It makes you feel bad, it makes
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  you feel less deserving and all the other good stuff y'all bring
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  with y'all bring up for tuning in.
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  Thank you all for hopping and joining with me this Sunday
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  morning. I appreciate every single one of
• 14:48
  y'all. Remember coaching courses.
• 14:49
  Everything is available at mentalillness.net.
• 14:52
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  well over my my TikTok. So YouTube shorts are all right
• 15:00
  over here. Hit the subscribe button Mental
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  illness.net. And as always, y'all, I'm out.
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  Please, what's going on? Beautiful folks, Thank you so
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  much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I truly appreciate it. You have no idea.
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  watch another video or two. I appreciate it.
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  I'm out.