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Rewriting the Rules: A Story of Radical Reinvention · Harder Than Life

• 0:07
  I'm Kelly Siegel, and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living.
• 0:23
  Welcome back to the Heart of the Light podcast. I'm Kelly Siegel. Today's guest is live and in studio. She is Brittany Bozinski, a best-selling author, filmmaker, and podcast host based in South Haven, Michigan. That's why she's here, in person, lovely. She's a magnetic storyteller with raw authenticity. She first captured hearts in her book talk, viral sensation, On His Way Back to Me, which we'll break down. Since then, she's written the memoir, Reaching for Driftwood, and created the Hippie Eats cookbook series.
• 0:51
  A single mom of two, Brittany is a creative empire builder and certified rule breaker. Going to get into that. Her work has been optioned and sold for film. Interesting. And she inspires as a speaker, writer, leader, and cultural disruptor, empowering others to live unapologetically creative, financially free, and deeply authentic lives. Thank you for making the trip in here. You're in person. This is take two, but let's do this. Let's do this. I'm so ready. I'm glad that we restarted because...
• 1:19
  We got into some deep stuff, but tell your backstory for those of the audience that don't know who you are. But go to, because we're going to go down the books. We're going to talk about Driftwood. We're going to talk about your authenticity and your rule breaker. Tell your personal story, and then we'll talk about how you live on apologetics.
• 1:36
  So I grew up in South Haven, Michigan, which is West Michigan. I've lived in the metro Detroit area for probably since 2013. After I graduated college, I moved here. I was, in fact, married. I am, in fact, divorced. So I'm divorced with two kids. That's been a journey that definitely inspired my work, especially my most recent work, Reaching for Driftwood, which is like a memoir, like a divorce slash coming of age
• 2:02
  memoir. And yeah, I've been writing since I was seven years old. It's always been like my thing. I just knew from that moment that's my thing. And I, you know, I have fallen off the path a couple of times, I think, as a lot of people do and they know they're calling. They like fall off. And then it was a calling. I just kept calling. So I, you know, picked up and I haven't stopped. So, yeah, I would say that's the brief synopsis. Single mom.
• 2:26
  doing the dating thing um in birmingham michigan birmingham michigan um yeah i'm just uh i i don't want to say i'm a normal person but you were saying earlier because i was like i feel like i'm pretty weird and you're like i think you're pretty normal i guess i'm a pretty typical person but i think
• 2:44
  you know, the rule breaker in me is very much alive and well. And we were talking about what that meant. And for me, it means like whatever people expect of me, I want to be the opposite, right? I want to challenge the expectations. I think a lot of people are living average lives. I'm sure you understand a lot of people live an average life. I want to live an above average life. I want to be the 1% of everything that I do. And I think that's actually pretty...
• 3:12
  weird or abnormal, right? I feel that every day. I go on, my gratitude walks with my dog every morning and I think, why am I doing this? And it's because I'm happy. And at the end of the day, that's all that matters to me. When you say authentic and normal, I don't care about any of that. Those are labels that mean nothing to me. I need peace in my heart and in my soul. And if that upsets you, then you're not my people.
• 3:40
  And I am, as you said, unapologetic about it. So I think that that's why we resonate. I'm so grateful you're here. I'm really sorry that you live in Birmingham because I'm just in the outskirts. I watch your excapades because I knew you were coming on the podcast and I just love it. And we're going to break down some of that because as I'm looking at my notes, I see that in your book Driftwood, there was divorce, there's abuse.
• 4:08
  There was a spiritual transformation. It's kind of the hero's journey. And it's exactly what I went through. Same concept. That's why we're kindred spirits. And when you realize that break all the rules is where it is, life gets real free. And it gets, what I said, peaceful. So at what moment in your journey did you realize like, whoa, I'm not meant to fit in this box.
• 4:33
  Hmm. You know, I think I realized it before I really did anything about it. I had like a spiritual awakening shortly after I had my first child. Yeah.
• 4:47
  Ooh, do tell this sounds juicy. Yeah, so it was like becoming a mother really cracked me open. And it's kind of crazy, but like I started to just not like my life at all. Like I didn't like my corporate job. I questioned everything. I'm like, what am I doing? And like, this is off the record, on the record. It's kind of in the memoir, but like, I didn't even like my husband. I questioned everything because I was like, I don't like this life. How old were you at this time?
• 5:13
  I was around like 25. So I started dating him at 17. That's how they do in West Michigan, right? That's how they do it in West Michigan. You date young, you marry young. I was married by 23 and I had my first son at 25. So right around then I just started being like, this life isn't for me. I don't fit anywhere. I would go to work and my stomach would hurt and I hated my job. I just didn't feel like anything fit anymore. And then we ended up getting pregnant again.
• 5:42
  And I, you know, when you're a girl and you're young, you kind of think, well, if I have a baby, he'll change. Or if we have another one, things will get better. Or lean into it. Like what most people do, they tell you failure or something. Yeah, and I stayed and I stayed and I, you know, I was the one going to therapy and I went to therapy and I focused on my healing and nothing was changing. And it actually just got worse. And then of course COVID hit.
• 6:04
  And that was like the tipping point. Oh, now we're stuck. Now we're stuck. Yeah, I didn't like the new house we lived in. I didn't like the neighborhood. I just like, I literally hated everything. And I was like, I can't do this anymore. It was physically making me sick. So I developed Crohn's disease. I was severely sick. You made yourself sick. My life, because I hated it so badly, my body was rejecting on all angles. My hormones were crazy. My hair was falling out. I had to get surgery. I had to be put under. Like I couldn't even eat anything.
• 6:33
  That's how much I hated my life. Kudos to you for actually saying, you know how many people, I always talk to people, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. It's in the Bill of Rights. And many people live every day, but aren't awake and aren't living. And I would tell you that I went on, it wasn't until I was 40, till I even started looking around going,
• 6:56
  if I like doing this. And then 43 I said, I definitely don't like doing this. So you were 28? Well, I, oh. Well when you actually said. So it's funny, I say in the memoir, for my 31st birthday I bought myself a shamanic drum and I filed for divorce.
• 7:12
  Like I was having like to everyone else, like a midlife, early midlife crisis. Like Brittany's going crazy. She's like doing all this woo-woo yoga spiritual shit. Da. I love it. And they thought I went crazy. And it's like, no, I was like, I'm not like sober now. I don't have a problem with alcohol or anything, but like during the spiritual healing, I was completely sober. I was like raw vegan. Like I,
• 7:33
  Anything pure you could do, I was doing. I was praying. I was meditating. I mean, I meditate every day. So I was like really healing. And they thought I just went woo, psycho crazy. Like Brittany, she, you know, she went off the deep. And it was because I was like sober and clear and I was raising my vibration with food and everything. It was like I could see that, oh, I definitely hate this. I have to get out.
• 7:55
  Um, so yeah, you trigger me cause you're selling my life story. I love it. You have to peel away. It's easier to take away than to add. So you start peeling away layers and you start saying, Oh, I see. Yeah. And most people don't do that. That's why you were criticized. And I've been there and I still get it. I want to live a different life.
• 8:16
  So you write a book and I'm reading these chapters and I'm just like, oh my goodness, reaching for the life raft. I can identify with that. Dating app disasters. That's hilarious. The one I want to ask you a question about, what is this becoming a sex god?
• 8:32
  Oh my God. Okay. So if you started reading the actual memoir, I fell into a whirlwind romance with a much younger man, eight years younger than me. I met him at Whole Foods. I walked in and I was like, Oh wow. I just felt this out of body experience. I'd already filed for divorce, but I was still in the marital home. I hadn't moved out yet. Was this in South Haven? No, this was in Birmingham.
• 8:57
  Yeah, so I just walked in. I didn't I look like shit. I've been crying the whole way there. I had no makeup on. I wasn't intending on seeing anyone. And I walk in and I get this out of body experience when I see this man and I didn't know how old he was. You know, I was like, wow. So I avoid him. I was like, I got to get the guy out of here. I got to go like, I don't know what it is about this guy. I got to leave. I left.
• 9:17
  And you asked me earlier if I believed in God, okay? So I leave Whole Foods, I get to the stoplight, and I hear, go back and talk to him. I'm like, abso effing-lutely not, no. I get to the second stoplight, it's so loud, and I hear, go and talk to him. I've never done that in my life. So I turn my car around, circle the parking lot four times, I'm like, I can't believe I'm gonna do this, I can't believe I'm gonna do this. And I walk up to him and I'm like,
• 9:43
  I don't know. I felt a crazy vibe with you and I feel like I'd be crazy if I didn't introduce myself and Long story short. I look at him and I'm like, I don't see a gray hair a wrinkle. I said wait wait wait How old are you? He goes, oh, I'm 23. I Was like I gotta go. I gotta go. Um nice to meet. He goes no no no wait wait one day I was like my friends like go go go like what do you have to lose do it for the plot? I'm like, okay one day and
• 10:12
  It was not one date. It was a couple years of an on and off...
• 10:18
  age gap relationship that was intoxicating, exciting, but ultimately we were just not on the right timeline, and so it was heartbreaking. So there was a chapter where he had a book called Becoming a Sexist. It's a very sexy book. It's very much like Fifty Shades mixed with sex in the city because I'm a newly single divorcee. I was with one man for 15 years.
• 10:43
  So that's a long time, right? I was faithful. I'd never cheated. That's just not who I am. So this was my first rodeo, quite literally. I'm like, okay. So that was what it was. It was an age gap. So we just interviewed for you a relationship expert. And he said in one of his chapters, his book was Right Person, Wrong Time. Oof. It's devastating. That sucks. Is that where the meeting your life partner chapter comes into play?
• 11:10
  Um, well meeting your life partner I discovered is just meeting yourself. Oh my goodness. Go Yeah, by the way, did you guys see she here and you'll read this in my new book happier than life I had to look at my own title like I don't know what I wrote it is
• 11:25
  She talked to God, God spoke, talked back to her. So you guys don't think this is real? Oh yeah. God talks back. I have chills. Yeah, and everything happens the way it's supposed to happen, when it's supposed to happen. Y'all, if you listen and pay attention, life does get easy. She meditates, she limits her alcohol, works out, and that's the key to being happy. It's really that simple. It's simple, but it's not easy.
• 11:51
  meeting your life partner, there is this beautiful scene. So actually this one has been optioned for film, but it hasn't taken the next steps for like the actual screenplay. But the director did still read the book and really likes it. And it has film potential because the way that I write is just in general, like it's very cinematic. I think that's how I live my life. I live my life as a movie, so it comes out. Everything comes out as a movie. But there is this beautiful part where I don't know if you've ever heard of
• 12:16
  ecstatic dance. Have you ever heard of that? Yes, I have. It's like a free flowing kind of like spiritual dance. Yes. It's a sober activity. Aubrey Marcus. They have them in Detroit and this is where I'm going through my woo woo phase where. Why can't woo just be normal? Yeah, like she's going through her life crisis but I started taking all kinds. I took dance classes and I was like
• 12:38
  And then I was doing this ecstatic dance and I drove to the sketchy part of Detroit by myself. My friend's like, what are you doing? I'm like, I just wanna be free. And so I went to this ecstatic dance party and it's again, no alcohol, it's sober, people are with drums and streamers and you could just be your wild, crazy self. And I was just there and it was just me. And I look around and I see some couples and they say, okay, well everyone grab your life partner. And some people like grab their person
• 13:06
  and tears just start streaming down my eyes and i was like oh like i've never felt so alone in my life like everyone some people have someone and then the people who don't we're kind of looking at each other and then the instructor says no not that partner look in the mirror oh
• 13:23
  that's your life partner. And I was like. Oh, you're tugging on my heart. Oh, that's me. Because when you've done the work, Brittany, and I want you to go down this path because I'm there and I want, the people, my audience hears about this from me all the time, but like, how good does it feel? I can't even put, like I say, how good can you handle life when you start doing the work and it just keeps getting better. And when you love yourself, the sky's the limit. And I argue this, let me throw a spin at you.
• 13:53
  I argue that the person you were when you were married was the person that you masqueraded as to fit into that box. Oh, 100%. And then you pulled out, and this is the real you?
• 14:03
  the authentic you. I put on this mask and tried to be what people love me to be. And I, and they did, it was fun. Yeah. And then I just went, I'm not, I don't like me. Yeah. So then now I've, I say I'm become me, but I've really become who I am. Is that what you've done? That's why I think we resonate. Yeah. So think about that people.
• 14:23
  She became something, undid it, and now is becoming her best self. And this is literally what harder than happier than life is all about. So I just want to point out another chapter, never settle. I have a 16-year-old daughter, and I'm always ranting and raving. Don't settle because you become the best you, and you attract the best partners. You notice she hasn't said anything about she's just single, and she's going to wait it out until she meets somebody who's worthy.
• 14:52
  That's right. Yeah. And I bet you you're pretty intimidating to most people. It's funny you say that because everybody says that. Like in the dating world, I think with men, I think I'm pretty feminine, but I think I have like a masculinity to me in a way or like a, I don't know. How would you describe it? Like a dominance or authority? I don't know. I've only followed you on social media. We've talked a few times. It's just because you, and I was just talking about this as the last guest, it's because you know what you want and you go after it. Yeah.
• 15:19
  That's your masculinity. You're right. But you would only be intimidating to someone who's not into their femininity. Yeah. I would very easily let you be the right person to let you be who you are and pick up when you need. Yes. And then make it safe for you to let go. Right. So it's that feminine...
• 15:41
  masculine dynamic. Yeah, and that is tricky. And so you're right. A lot of people, I've been on dates where guys will say, I can't afford you. I think you're wonderful, but I can't afford you.
• 15:50
  which is- You can afford yourself. What are they talking about? Well, yeah, but they're just like, I can't take care of you. I can't give you the life that you deserve. I've had that. I've had, you know, what else? Yeah, like intimidated. But really the never subtle was like in dating, sometimes there'd be someone that you like and they'll breadcrumb you. And they'll just give you little breadcrumbs, little bits of attention. And so that whole chapter is like, I don't want.
• 16:15
  the crumbs on the whole damn cake and i'm not going to settle until someone shows up with a whole cake i want you to meet my daughter i want to make sure show up now she's had me as a father so i have been telling her how amazing she is and how much she loves i love the last chapter the end is just a new beginning in disguise yeah because how does it equate that to me to your end of your marriage is that what you meant
• 16:40
  I think it's literally everything. So actually today on TikTok, I saw this woman talk about divorce is really just a portal to like a new timeline. And like, I don't know if you believe if you ever watch like Joe Dispenza, like quantum jumping or new timelines, like your divorce is your portal to your highest self.
• 17:01
  in a lot of cases or even ending a relationship or some sort of transition. And so it's every relationship. So I've been dating, you know, I recently just had a boyfriend for what, like seven months. And any time that any relationship ends, even friends, I notice it's because they can't go with me. I'm like elevating, I'm ascending. There is an energetic mismatch and they just can't come. Have you?
• 17:28
  Have you done, and you're very smart, so I'm sure you've done this. Have you went through and like wrote down the commonalities between every man? There's going to be, even the 23-year-old, even your ex-husband, you're probably moving your way up, but there's going to be a commonality. I have seen shifts. It's something in you that. Before the guy that actually committed to me, I was actually only available for unavailable people.
• 17:54
  Isn't that the story? That's the story. I was only interested in the one that really wasn't interested in me. And I was kind of like chasing that because my ex-husband didn't really validate me. And much like the, you know, my father didn't really validate me. So I ended up marrying by proxy someone like my father. And so to break that, and ironically enough, the 23 year old, he has healed a little bit. We've, we're in contact, but we're not together. Okay.
• 18:19
  We're in a good place as friends right now. We both went through a healing. He had his spiritual awakening after we kind of like ended things, which was good. But in the beginning, before he did his healing, he was extremely emotionally unavailable and toxic in that way. And so, yeah, I was always attracted to that, but I would say I did healing, and then the last guy that I dated, night and day, he was like the sweetest person to me. Why didn't it work out?
• 18:47
  He was the one who said he didn't think he could afford me. Oh, my man. You're going to hear this. And I'm going to tell you right now, there are so many ways to be rich. And I'm not talking in money. It just be safe. Be her safe place. Be her rock. There are so many things that I can see in you that you don't care about any of that.
• 19:10
  I yeah, I really don't. But I think for him to he he started to like call me his wife. And I think he was like kind of trying it on because he really liked me. He bought me a ring within like three months. Like, I'm going to marry you. And I was like, this is kind of crazy, but we'll see. And I think it started to feel real. And I think he was like, oh, this could actually be the girl that I am with for the rest of my life. And like, am I actually ready for that?
• 19:35
  And a lot of guys get scared. They get intimidated by like the dream girl kind of thing. I wouldn't only say guys. I think there's women that do that too. So it's equal parts and the being there and the realness of it setting in. And I'll tell you this much and you already know this. The one that's meant for you won't run. I agree. I agree. And like I said, wrong. He could always come back. So let's talk about your book. Explain what Driftwood means to you and how it shows up in our lives.
• 20:05
  Yeah. So driftwood, I mean, we've talked about things. So manifestation is like a big part of my life. I think it's big for everybody's life. I'm just very conscious to it. And so in the manifestation world, driftwood is often a little sign from the universe that you're close, but you're not quite there.
• 20:23
  So when you're on the beach and you see driftwood, that's a sign that like there's water nearby or whatever. Like there's just a sign that like you're close, but you're not quite there. And so in the book, like I'm trying to I'm trying. Right. So the word try, like I'm actively pursuing love. Like I left my husband because I wanted to find true love. I'm like three and a half years out of it. And I'm like, shit, I ain't found it yet. But I know what it isn't.
• 20:50
  I've learned what it isn't. And I've come really close. And the whole point of the book is like, you can't really go out searching for love. You can't really go out finding things. It's going to find you. But a lot of times people miss the signs and there's a lot of signs. There's also something called Birds Before Land. And that's in the book, too. So like it's a manifestation term and everything is kind of related to like Lake Michigan, that's where I'm from. So like there's a lot of
• 21:16
  Beautiful over there. Yeah, like driftwood, life rafts, like things like that that I've related to my life. And so birds before land is when birds are like circling. That usually means like it's safe to land. And so you'll see birds or a lot of synchronicities happen right before like the thing that you're praying for shows up. So there's a lot of like terms like that that I just hit for me.
• 21:39
  Your self-awareness is off the charts. Thanks. And I'm really proud of you and all the work that you've done. And your boys are going to reap the benefit of having a strong mother and knowing. I grew up without a mother figure, and I was searching for love for years.
• 21:55
  Keep doing it. I'm proud of you. I can feel love coming off of you. I'm big into energy. So I was dying to hear what that meant to you. And that wasn't where I thought you were going to go. So what did writing the memoir teach you about yourself that you didn't know before?
• 22:12
  My Heart of the Light book, it's technically a memoir. I wrote it during the pandemic on accident. I had nothing to do. I was stuck here. And I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I wrote it. It was the most cathartic thing. What I mean by that is it released so many childhood traumas for me. I would write and then cry.
• 22:34
  And I don't cry, I've never cried up until that point, and now I cry all the time for happiness. And then with the final edits of it, I sat down at the fireplace downstairs and read it and just bawled.
• 22:46
  And then after that, it was like, this is the best thing. Now I can talk about everything. So my guess is the similar stuff happened for you. Yeah. For me, like, you know, I've met people who are like, I'm not a writer, but I wrote this. And I think it's just a really good release in that way. But for me, like, I don't have a choice. Like, I've said this. It's a possession for me. If I don't do it, like, something takes over me. And it's like, I'm a puppet. I'm like a slave to this, to this.
• 23:14
  This is something that chose me. So I feel like I had no choice. I had to write it. I love that. Because you start off with it. You said it's all art. And that means it just comes to... Walk me through that. It's generous. Because I am not creative. Yeah. Well, everyone is. But everyone has their own, you know, vessel of creativity, I think. I think everyone is... I think everyone is creative. I can read your thoughts. I guess that's my career. I can read your thoughts and tell you what you're thinking. But I couldn't, like...
• 23:42
  My whole life was survival. So it was hard for me to be like, oh, it's safe for me to sit here. And you know what the funny thing is? My daughter's creative. She writes and draws. That was my escape. I had a very sheltered, very traumatic life also. And that was how I escaped. Like we couldn't afford to have like cable TV. So we didn't have really TV. We didn't have video games. We had nothing. So all I could do.
• 24:07
  was we didn't have any money so all i could do was well i want to leave here so i would just have my mind would just start going as like a survival and so i'd have all these imaginative stories and i would write poetry and fictional books and i'd fill up notebooks and it was really like how i escaped reality and it's still how it's like my savior in a way
• 24:29
  It's funny how our deepest, darkest things are our portal to our happiness. Like I'm a big guy because my stepfather used to beat me. My mom used to beat me. I'm a big guy. So I walk into a room, people, you would go into your room and you would write. And it's just so beautiful. I don't know. I love it. What inspired you on his way back to me? Did you know that would go viral when you did that? I had no idea. So that is actually about my first love who passed away.
• 24:59
  Oh, it gets deeper. Oh, yeah. My books are known to make people cry or feel something so intense that they're like, even the thriller I wrote, they're like, all I can do is stare at a wall for like three days. Because I write like really deep. I'm not afraid to go there. So I write the things. That's why I'm saying like I'm a rule breaker with my art because I'll write things that people are thinking, but they're too afraid to say.
• 25:19
  So I wrote a very real and authentic take of grief and grief is odd and it's weird. And I'm challenging the norm about the way that people talk about it, especially because it's I coined it. It's called taboo grief. So when you lose an ex, no one gives a shit about you. They're not going to send flowers like, oh, hey, your first love died. And I know how special he was. So how old are you in this? 2019. So he died right before COVID.
• 25:44
  So this wasn't the father? I was married, but I still cared that my ex died, right? Oh, I'm sorry, when did you date him? High school. Yeah, but it was kind of a crazy story of why we broke up. So we had like a Romeo and Juliet situation. We were both raised super religious and our parents caught us doing what teenagers do, I'll just say that, and forced us to break up, moved him an hour away to a different school and we could never see each other again. But we were very much in love.
• 26:12
  And then he moved away to Chicago to play football and we just couldn't be together. It was just literally right person, horrible circumstance. Wow. And so we were ripped apart. We loved each other. And there's always that unfinished business. And so he tried to reconnect with me later when, you know, he actually tore like his ACL in college and came back home to live in his grandparents farm. He said, Hey, I'm home. I still love you. I said, Well, I'm dating somebody else.
• 26:35
  And I just remember like going in my bathroom and sobbing like, why didn't I choose him? Because at the time I grew up poor. So I was like, oh, the guy that I'm going to marry is, you know, he's going to be an airline pilot. He's going to have money. So I knew you didn't say that. No, I thought it, though. You know, I was young and I was in survival mode. Just a reminder, the father of her children is an airline pilot. Right. I was 17 at the time or 18. Right.
• 27:00
  And he was just going back to the place I wanted to escape was small town, you know, country, middle of nowhere, Michigan, where there's more cows and people. And I was born to college there. So I get it. I'm going to. Nobody knows this story except one guy, my college roommate, as I actually visited the jail of South Haven. Oh, being drinking a little too much. Mad Dog 2020, which don't ever drink that.
• 27:26
  on the beach in South Haven. And yeah, just say that I was doing the wrong thing at the wrong time with the wrong people. In the middle of nowhere. Yes, in the middle of nowhere. That's all there is to do. So I wanted to leave and he wanted to stay and I just knew like long-term I couldn't be with him even though I loved him very much. And looking back...
• 27:42
  So the book is about regret. It's about grief, loss and chances you didn't take and how that affects you for the rest of your life. And I the moment he died and I found out that also like pushed me to my divorce because I was like, well, the one man that I loved and loved me is gone. And that I can still say with my full chest, I don't I haven't been loved like that since. I see it in your eyes. Don't make me cry. No, no, I see. I do. I can feel it. That's
• 28:10
  Okay, I'm going to go there. You should lean into that. Meaning there's still some trauma there. Oh, yeah. I'll never. And I can feel it. Yeah. Because what really do you regret? What choices did you have? Remember we started off this. I mean, I could have been with him and I maybe could have saved him. I could have maybe saved his life. Could you? I think so. You know, maybe, right? Because all he wanted was me. And he didn't ever really. He didn't. How did he die?
• 28:41
  In his sleep. He just didn't wake up. How does that happen? From drugs? I'm sorry. You don't have to. We don't have to. I'm proud. Anything that I get too personal about? Because I, too. Well, I just respect his family. Yeah. Okay. And so they asked me not to share why. So my father died from drugs and alcohol. Yeah. You think that I would have learned?
• 29:03
  But no, I went another 20 years. But and then when I quit and I didn't hit rock bottom, I just got bored. I just said, this is this is not fun. I think, yeah, when you're in a small town or whatever, like people resort to things. And so, yeah, he passed away. It rocked me in a way I could never expect. I was that it was like the one person I was in a loveless marriage and it was the one the one person that felt like real love was gone. And I was like, does anyone love me anymore?
• 29:28
  Like there was just this, thank you. There was this hole in the world that I just felt. And it was like, I could literally physically feel it. I was afraid to walk. I'm like, I just feel this hole, like he's gone. And yeah, in dating, like I, I've actually cried on dates because I'll just look across the table and I'm like, you're not him. You're not even close.
• 29:48
  Brittany, I don't want to get too much into your ex, but as your ex, the father of your children, has he moved on? Is he remarried? He's remarried. They have a baby. She was living in our old house within six months. They were married and she was pregnant within six months, all of it. Married, pregnant, and living in the same house. The only reason I'm going to that is I hope he healed.
• 30:10
  I don't think so. Okay. I don't want to get, it's his life. No, it's his life. I say this for the audience because we just had another one. This is going to air right after a dating, a relationship coach. And we just talked about healing. Yeah. I want to see people heal so you can be happy and really whole. Yes, that's it. And my soul sister. You know, he would say things like, wow, you're still single because no one wants you. And, you know. Because I didn't settle.
• 30:36
  Because I didn't settle. It's like I could – finding a man and finding a boyfriend is easy. It's finding the right one. It's worth the wait. And, like, I'm still young in my eyes. I'm only 33. I could go another 10 years just waiting because, you know, the right partner is worth it. I think it's worth the wait. It is. I really do. So we talked about the norms and the culture disruptorness. So let's dig into some norms that we both break. Give me a couple that you – like the –
• 31:06
  shine them up real good and shove them up people's behinds oh dating much younger men i think that's not normal i think that's a rule breaker and all my friends do it but are you doing it like 10 years younger i don't know is that a bad thing it sounds bad when you say it out loud
• 31:26
  Uh, my only thing is, is I've done a lot of research and I've interviewed a lot of people. It's just they, especially nowadays, us men mature. So that's the issue. I would tell you that I didn't become a man until I was 40. Oh yeah. No, they're not. They're not there yet, but they're fun. They're fun. That's my whole thing. So I like to have a lot of fun. They're fun. They can keep up with me energetically because I'm very playful. But when it comes down to like being serious, it's really hard. So I think that's a norm. I just don't care about age really.
• 31:56
  I see you sharing your feelings and your vulnerability. And the beauty part about you is you share everything. The downs, the ups, the great. It's just everything. And sometimes it's just sharing a picture of you. So I would say that is some of the notes. Keep doing it. Keep doing it. I love it. I'm a big fan. I love watching what you're doing. What advice would you give to women who feel stuck in relationships that are slowly breaking them?
• 32:24
  Hmm. Well, leave at the first sight of a crack in the relationship. If there's just a little crack and you know it's like there's no repair, just leave. The first sight? That's not what the Bible tells you. That's not what...
• 32:40
  What everybody says, you're too thick to- I think there are some, just decide what your non-negotiables are. Decide what you will and will not tolerate, what you know you're worth, and when the level of disrespect is too high, go. Like I'm just, I'm a leaver and I actually say this.
• 33:01
  I don't think I'm wired for commitment. I think a lot of people are. I don't think I'm wired to stay. I don't know why. Uh-oh, we just put that on the air.
• 33:14
  Unless whoever's dating her. They know. I tell them right away. I say, I don't think I'm wired to stay. It doesn't mean I'm wired to be with everyone. It just means, like, I say it like this. If you ever watch the movie Twilight and you know that movie with the vampires and he's in love with a human. And all he wants to do is drink her blood. Right. That's all he wants to do. But he doesn't because he loves her.
• 33:38
  I don't wanna stay, but I will if I really love you. So I don't think I'm wired to really like, stay put, but I will if I really love you. This is the whole podcast in and of itself. And I think that's not a norm. I think for people to say that, being in my truth, I don't think, I could see myself with 10 different lovers the rest of my life.
• 34:01
  And I don't think it's a failure if you're with someone for three months or three years or 13 years or 30 years. You know, that's why I don't really care about the age of dating. It's like I could have a wonderful time for 10 years with a 25 year old. And when he's 35 and he wants to go do whatever. Great. We had a beautiful 10 years on to the next. I don't know. I cannot wait to see you in 10 years because you think I'll be married with like a child.
• 34:22
  No, I think that you're going to deep dive into all of these feelings and you're going to figure them out because you're brilliant and you're not going to accept what they are. I'm not having a conventional marriage ever again. I would have like a commitment, but I'll never be married normal. The one thing I'd tell you is never say never. Yeah, I guess. But I'm with you. I don't want to sign the paperwork, but I'll have a love ceremony and I'll like commit and I'll be a good faithful woman, but I won't.
• 34:51
  I won't stay past an expiration date if I sense that there is one. Yeah. Girlfriend, you're 33. You have so much. I have so much time. I want to talk to you. I know that. I know that. When you turn 40, we'll have you back. And I want to hear what you're going to be like. Remember that? I grew so much since then. And you're extremely self-aware. So you're going to take quantum leaps to use this thing. And funny thing is, 33 is when my daughter was born.
• 35:17
  And at 31, I knew something was wrong in my life. I was like, something's got to change. I didn't know what it was. Are you divorced? I suspect, yes. I suspected it was drinking and I was right on. But the drinking was the mask. Oh, yeah. So that's what masked me from realizing, oh, there's all this stuff going on underneath. Yeah. So we're going to go down your healing journey. What part of your former self do you grieve the most, even as you celebrate who you've become?
• 35:48
  I would say I was thinking about this the other day. We know when we had that heat wave and everyone was just trapped inside and there was nothing to do. It really triggered me because I feel like that was most of my childhood was just like stuck inside with nothing to do in like a hothouse with, you know, because we didn't have like central air or anything. Did you just have those window units? Yeah. Well, we were so had that. That was I think we had a window unit.
• 36:14
  We were so poor that my dad had a little one and he put it in the house and had it put into a room. Yep. That was later on. We had a little bit more money because even a window unit cost money. We had box fans. And so when you were hot, you were hot. Right. And so I just had I was triggered because I was like.
• 36:32
  I just remember being home for like summer vacation, right? Vacation. And my friends would, you know, have fun on a boat or a lake or this or that. And I was just stuck inside with my sister, like forced to use my imagination. So I didn't go crazy. So that's why I'm so creative. That's even why I like I think I am into filmmaking because I had no choice but to like create scenes and like play pretend.
• 36:57
  That's awesome. I was just watching Call Her Alex from Call Her Daddy. Oh, yeah. She used to make up all these scenes in her basement, which wouldn't get invited to parties, and now look at her. Yeah. And look at you, girl. You go. I love it. When you get triggered like that, do you just go right into your writing, or do you –
• 37:16
  Actually, yeah, that's exactly what I did. It's just like a thing. It was like it woke me up. It's like this is really spiritual to say I've never actually said this. It's just the awareness that I'm having. It's like my characters are like God in a way. It's like my savior. And so they woke me up the other day at 419 in the morning to start writing.
• 37:38
  And it was three new scenes that just came to me. And I was like, if I don't write this, I'll forget. And I know as a writer, like if I don't stop and like listen to God in that moment, it'll lose. I'll lose it and I'll be I'll be upset. And so it's almost like God's like way to pull me out of whatever I'm feeling and to like.
• 37:58
  use that for something and so yeah i was waking up on those hot days at four in the morning because god made me my characters made me can you think of anything that god has said to you that we would all be surprised to hear that you've maybe never shared i want the audience to understand how this is real
• 38:19
  that I'm going to be famous. You are famous. Like really famous. I don't know why. And it's like it feels silly to say that. But that's something that I felt like just I'll be known for something. And I I've felt this for years when I was like even overweight, when I was a no one, when I hadn't even written a book yet. And I would tell my friends, I'm like, someday I'm going to walk in a grocery store and people are going to know who I am. Like, OK, Brittany. And then I'm like slowly on my way and I'm like,
• 38:48
  I just have that feeling and I still don't know what for or when or whatever, but I just, I feel that. That's your manifestation and your, and as well as your Joe Dispenza, what you, what you, what you think will be. And it's not even like, cause I'm pretty, I think I can be pretty introverted and you know, even like dressed like this, I was at whole foods and I'm like, I don't necessarily like attention, you know, like, it's not like I'm looking for, I don't want people to really look at me. I'm like, Oh my God, don't look at me. Don't look at me. And, but of course when you like walk in, you're just, don't look at me. Then they're like looking around.
• 39:17
  Nobody paid attention to you, darling. I know, but it's almost like I am like an introvert naturally. Like I spent a lot of time indoors, obviously, to have the calling of like, I think I'm going to be wildly well known. I don't think I'm going to be like Kim Kardashian famous or anything. Well, please don't be. That's not the kind of thing you want to be. But I remember what she's famous for. I'm not even going to go there. What's about?
• 39:38
  No, I just feel like there's a calling on my life and I will be like at the core of it. I will be impacting like a significant amount of people. It's not just like, oh, Britney's famous because she's blonde and has blue eyes. It's I'm going to be wildly well known for something that I do or create that will leave an impact on people's lives. That's my mission. So, well.
• 40:00
  There's more to that. You're kind. You're full of love. You're full of positive energy. I can feel it sitting next to you. So keep going and keep growing. And your story, thousands of people are going to hear this. So you're going to be an inspiration to a lot of people. I hope so. Because everybody thinks, oh, life is just, no, life is ups and downs, ups and downs. And all too often...
• 40:24
  it's on that, it's life's merry-go-round and we're just going round and round and round and round and we puke and we wonder why. It's like, get off of that merry-go-round. Quit doing the same thing over and over and over and expecting a different result and that's what drives me crazy. I put a post up this week inspired by you.
• 40:41
  I just said, I figured out what's going on with me. I can't stand to be around mediocrity. And it's all you look around now and you see people doing bare bones, minimum average. I do think it's a Michigan thing. I swear. Because I have a house in Florida. As soon as I land, it's like everyone's hustling. Yeah, you're right. And I just got the Miami effect. I don't know what it is, but I hate it. I will say like you can talk shit about Birmingham, but I will say living there, I am forced to stay elevated.
• 41:11
  Yeah, I mean, I think... I'm forced to keep a lifestyle. Go ahead. Birmingham is like the... It's like social media. Every single person is trying to one-up the other person. Hey, look at my Lamborghini. Look at my Ferrari. But I actually think that's kind of a nice thing. I mean, it's better than the opposite of not being able to... I think it challenges me to elevate. It's like not necessarily keeping up with the Jones, but it's much like in Miami. They're working hard. People in Birmingham are working hard.
• 41:39
  You know, they are. There's a lot of new money, not necessarily old money. So it's a lot of people who are rising from something brand new that they haven't seen. And I like the culture. I like that it's not just a bunch of white people. Come talk to me at 40 when you just want quiet. I don't care about anything, but when they're revving the engines. I just had dinner at the steakhouse, whatever, Hyde Park.
• 42:05
  By the way, they have the best carrot cake on earth. Really? I'm a carrot cake snob. And they have really good. So I was there and I was just watching and I was listening. I went early because I like to go to bed early. I was out and I'm like, hmm.
• 42:17
  Now I see why I don't come out. Go out that often. I almost never go out. I just, I go to bed early and I get up early. I run my routine and it's rinse, repeat and win, win, win, win. I don't like routine. I think that's it for me. I like, yeah, like variety. My ex-husband, he woke up, he ate the same thing every day, did the same thing. He basically wore the same thing every day and I was like, oh, I could never. Yeah.
• 42:37
  Oh, I love writing. So wait, you went there. If you could rewrite your story from your ex-husband's or your father's point of view, what would you imagine their version would look like? And what would you still stand by? From my father's point of view of my story? Either your father's or your ex-husband's. I would say they're both very regretful on how they treated me. Do you think that your ex-husband
• 43:02
  understands that and admits it? Or by his comments to you, I would say he doesn't because he says- I have a written admittance in my journal which he broke into and wrote that he was envious of my creativity because he lacked it, that he knew that I was shining bright and didn't know how to hold it. And basically it's confession, but then what he told everybody else was like, oh, she's crazy and she had a good life crisis. How did that feel?
• 43:31
  Not the second part. How did it feel when you read that? In the beginning, when I read that, it felt nice to be validated. Like I kind of always knew like, you just didn't want me to be at my full potential. You're afraid I was gonna leave. But on the flip side, I left because you didn't nurture me to be my fullest potential. The exact environment we're trying to avoid. And I get brutalized on social media, as I'm sure you do. And I just look at it as the haters are undercover fans.
• 43:58
  They see something in them that they wish that they had their creativity to do or the balls to do. Let's call it what it is. The courage. And the first thing I said to you, I'm proud of you for that. I love that. I don't have that. I would love to, but now I can get my inspiration from AI. Yeah.
• 44:17
  But I can put you give me a puzzle to solve. I'll solve it faster than anybody else. And the harder it is, the faster I'll solve it. Like impossible only describes the degree of difficulty. There's my creativity. You tell me it can't be done and I'm going to do it. Yeah. Like my whole life is that way. I grew up at eight mile Van Dyke and poor. I went to high school at M&M.
• 44:40
  We were at a restaurant and I looked and I realized I recognized the server. And it was one guy that I know from high school. And I look, I go, I was with a bunch of people. I go, guys, I wanted you to introduce someone from high school. And he goes, yeah, I'm one of the few that aren't dead or in jail. And I'm like, and they've heard me say that a million times. And I go, he just said it. That's how we grew up.
• 45:03
  So I'm supposed to be here. God wants me to be here. God wants you to be here. God wants you to go through these amazing stories and share them with the world. I agree. So that's interesting about your ex and your dad. Have you had a conversation with your father?
• 45:20
  I don't know if my dad will ever be evolved enough to hold that conversation. You know, he knows, he understands, he's apologized, but, you know, he struggles with alcohol. It's funny because I feel like I have two dads and this one dad. So, like, there's the before he starts drinking and he's a great guy. Like, he's charming, he's magnetic, everybody loves him. Nobody knows the guy that we know who's...
• 45:50
  a horrible man past three o'clock. But the rest of the world knows him as like, you know, attractive guy, like he's very lovable. He's a great heart, but it's like Jekyll and Hyde, right? He's two different people in one body. And that was very confusing as a child to see someone who posed as one thing to the world, but then behind closed doors, we knew like a complete monster. That's actually very much how my ex-husband is.
• 46:14
  Very much. You know, he volunteers at the school functions, he does all the things, and then at home, not good.
• 46:23
  I walked into my father shooting up. I've never said that out loud to anybody. He's shooting up heroin. He was very demonistic to himself. He was always a very kind guy, but he wasn't available to be there. It was shocking to me. My stepfather drowned me in my mother's bathwater and tried to kill me. It was one of the times when he picked me up and I flailed and I caught the tub
• 46:46
  drain yeah so i say this to say to you and forgive me if i trigger you if i if i cross the line i'm gonna i'm gonna speak for your father to you right now for just a second because i'm i've been there and done that i've done the therapy brinny i've done the best i could with what i knew how to do and i love you very much i'm very proud of you thanks and i wish i could have done more yeah but you're beautiful and i love watching you fly
• 47:16
  I do believe that. I do believe that he tries his best. But yeah, it's we don't have the best relationship. I think it's because I'm forgiving, but I don't forget. And so there's a lot of things that I just can't. Jesus only turned his cheek twice and he's a better guy than me. So have you tried? So what worked for me was I did a lot of therapy. I did. I've done a lot. Have you done EMDR therapy? No, I didn't do that one. Any plant medicine?
• 47:43
  No, I've read all about it. Those are the two that I, that. I will, I have said this on the record and I believe I will do ayahuasca at some point, but I think. There's lesser stuff you can do. I did five MEO and it opened me up enough to, to, to, to.
• 48:00
  have conversations with God and go, what's going on here? And opened, took your ego down. That's just one. EMDR. I'll get into that when my mother passes away, I've said this, I don't know how I will handle that. And so I will need all of the tools and fixings to get through that loss. And so...
• 48:19
  Something I think too is like, you know, parents get older. I don't think my ex-husband could walk me through that. No. And so I really, when I'm looking at a partner, I'm like, yeah, you're cute. Yeah, you're great. But will you hold my hand at my parents' funeral?
• 48:34
  And will you know what to say? Will you know what to say? Which is nothing but just create a safe place for me. Yes. Will you hold me through the darkest times of my life? Like, I'm over just dating for fun and whatever. Like, I believe in having little lovers here and there. They're fun. Like, romance is beautiful and I'm all for it. But...
• 48:50
  When I want to do something that feels like not natural, right? Like staying, I'm only going to stay with someone who's going to provide so much value that I can't imagine life without them. Hey, fellas, let me give you a little word of advice from a healed guy. All you have to do is be there and say nothing. Just be there and show up. Am I wrong? Yeah, no.
• 49:11
  That's where we go wrong. We come there and try to freaking something. God gave you one mouth and two ears for a reason. Shut up, my man, and just be there. Yeah. So we're talking about what moment from your childhood still echoes the loudest in your adult relationships, romantic or otherwise. You know, you've talked to Jason about attachment styles, my avoidant attachment style. So you're avoidant? Mm-hmm.
• 49:37
  I'm not picking a little bit. I'm more secure, of course, because I've done the work, but I'm definitely more avoidant in a relationship where I require a lot of space. Like the guy that I was dating, he wanted to be with me all the time. And I'm like, whoa, bump the brakes. I only want to see you once a week. Once a week!
• 49:54
  So because I spent so much time alone that I'm used to spending time alone. And that's one of the first questions I ask on a date is like, how much alone time do you require? And then my favorite question to ask on a first date is say that you're in a cabin in the woods. Oh, I like this. And it's just you and there's no cell phone, no nothing.
• 50:17
  Well, maybe a cell phone, right? We'll just say it's you and the cell phone and like limited TV, right? Just basic wifi, it's just you though, and no one else. How long can you stay, like say up north or on a cottage by the water, somewhere peaceful and beautiful, but just you, before you're like, I gotta see somebody. How many days, hours, how long would it take you before you cracked and you're like- As long as I have books, I would stay there forever.
• 50:42
  By yourself, not one human being. And I will tell you this much, it wasn't always that way. So the advice that I would give to you is start leaning into the opposite because a lot of these could possibly be coping mechanisms that you've built for yourself. So I used to have to be around people all the time. I used to be the life of the party. I had a boat on Lake St. Clair. At every given moment, there was 10 people around me having the life of the... Now, it drains the hell out of me.
• 51:11
  Like I literally need my alone time. Oh, I need it bad. I love my, here's a little thing about me. I almost never will turn on a TV. I never watch TV either. I own an IT company, so we have scanners and they'll go, do you realize your TV hasn't been on in two months? And I'm like,
• 51:28
  I read, I read all the books. My kids will watch it. If I had more time, I would have read all of your stuff and I'm gonna buy them all for my daughter. Thanks. But I can get lost in a book. And I'm a learned and I'm a sponge. I wanna know everything. I wanna get better. Yeah. And I believe this. I think I only started living recently. And I'm gonna be 50 years old. And I'm gonna live another 50 years minimum because I'm healthy. Right. I wanna really live.
• 51:52
  I love Brittany. Yeah. So really living isn't scrolling. And I'm gonna give you another little tip. I do this thing, I just did it last year. I take the week off between Christmas and New Year's from my phone, I literally shut it off and put it in a thing. And my lawyer called my daughter and says, I need to get a hold of Kelly. And he's like, where's Kelly? And I was like, and she's like, he shut his phone off. What do you mean? I need to get a hold of him. And when he gets a hold of me, I was like, you got a hold of me, didn't you? Yeah. So what's the fricking thing? So guys, wanna have dinner?
• 52:21
  we'll have dinner. Right. He's like, how do you shut your phone off? I go, no.
• 52:25
  Very easily. It was so addicting. I did it for 11 days, but I'm only going to do it for a week this year. It is good. After three days, I didn't want it back. Oh, I know. There's often I just want to throw my phone in the lake. Yeah. I like my peace. I like my quiet. I don't really. So I would tell you, try with the opposite a little bit. Lean into more people. Lean into more social. Lean into more people. Try to be alone. I have. I have. But the right people. The right people will freaking gas you up. Yeah. That's very true.
• 52:52
  All right, what's the hardest part about becoming the woman you needed as a child? This one just kills me when I wrote this. It's like, I am the man I needed. I needed safety. I'm the woman I needed because I'm a lever and my mom stayed when she shouldn't. She stayed loyal to a disloyal man. She was strong in the ways that felt strong
• 53:18
  to her and did the best with the tools that she had. But if she would have left him, we would have... It would have been less traumatic. But back then in that culture too, it's like people stay to be married because they think that's easier on the family. Or in abusive situations, it takes a woman at least seven tries to leave. And she did try to leave. She tried to leave and it was very hard for her to leave. But I think for me getting out and actually divorcing a man and leaving a man who I knew wasn't right for me,
• 53:47
  That's like, my mom is my queen. She is, she is the best mother, best friend. Talk to her every day. She's a wonderful woman of God. You light up when you're talking about her. Oh, I love my mom. Oh girl. Love it. She's just, and everyone loves her. She's just lovable. And that's, I think a narcissist, like abusive man sees that light and,
• 54:10
  tried to pull it from her for so many years, my father. But she just didn't leave. And so I think I became the woman I needed for my boys, not in the way that I'm a much better mother, but in the way that I provided a certain level of safety for them at my house that she just, not that she didn't try, it was just hard for her. She did the best she could. She did the best she could. I want to give you a little bit of advice. Again, I'm a little older than you, so I'm going to give you a little advice. I wouldn't.
• 54:39
  Would you change lever to I choose me? Yeah. Call yourself the chosen. I call myself the chosen one because I choose me. You choose you. You're not a lever. I'm not a lever. Because you won't leave for the right one. You're right. You said it. So don't label that because then you'll make it okay. I think it might be a defense mechanism.
• 54:57
  Yeah. You know, so just because I just, I'm not staying for anything. I'll stay if it makes sense. Yes. So I just, that's the one thing I'm all about. And, and you know, there's the way to, to choose yourself and put your, I said it a thousand times. They tell you on the airplane, put your mask on before you help anybody else.
• 55:14
  Because you're no good to anybody else when you're dead. Yeah, that's something I've learned. I think pouring into myself, you know, taking care of myself. I think a lot. She's always been beautiful and put makeup on and whatever. Took care of herself in that way. But she certainly gave everything she could to the kids. And I'm trying to find a balance of life. I think divorce helped me, you know, have more time for myself. He still lives in South Haven? No, he lives over here. Okay. I was going to say, that's a hell of a commute. Oh, yeah. No, no. So let's talk about the other people out here listening to this.
• 55:43
  Men that are listening to this, this is why you heal. Because there are women like this out that are healing, that have healed, that are beautiful, that are just like, well, clown, joke, come on. So heal and attract better. You become the exact person that you want to attract and it works. So what advice would you give to another single mom ready to tell her story?
• 56:09
  put one foot in front of the other and just keep going. Because you don't really know what's ahead of you. And not to be scared, it is going to be hard, that's a guarantee, but just know that you can do it. I think that's the mantra for your life.
• 56:22
  Keep going. I keep going. Just go, girl. It just keeps coming to me. But one foot in front of the other. There's a book for you. Yeah. I don't know what's next. I don't know. But you know you got you. I've got me. Yeah. I'm in my bridge moment right now. I always say I'm in my bridge moment. Like I'm crossing the bridge. I've already left the other side. I'm in the middle here. And it's kind of scary to be in the bridge, right? You're like, I don't know. There's like water under here. I don't know what's under this bridge. I can't even see where the bridge ends.
• 56:49
  but I know that I'm gonna get to the other side of the bridge. And when I do, I'm gonna be where I wanna be. I'm gonna bet on you. Have you read the book, did I bring it up here? Have you read the book, The Second Mountain? No.
• 56:58
  Read the second one. Should I read it? Yes. You'll like it. It's the same metaphor that you just used. But you get up to the first mountain and you look around and you're like, you know, some of us, it's the two kids, the white picket fence. And you go, this is it? Yeah. And then you tear it all down and then you start up the second mountain, which is really about significance. And you said helping people. I tell you all the time, if...
• 57:24
  If you think you will never, you'll look at success the same once you taste significance. And you're helping so many people. So I know that that's got to be. It's got to feel good. You got to feel good about yourself.
• 57:35
  Yeah, I would say for the most part, I like the work that I do. I think I am oblivious sometimes. I don't like actively think about the work that I'm doing until I get a message. It's like, man, you've changed my life. And I'm like, then I'll start crying. Like, okay. And like, there's a purpose for me. But sometimes, you know, in the quiet moments, you're like, and is the work I'm doing making a difference? It is. When you're down and you said you go into writing, but if you can't write or you're not feeling it, what are some of the things that you do? What are the habits and rituals that you go to when you're feeling down?
• 58:05
  I like body movement. Like I like to go on a walk, obviously exercise. Um, but if I'm being just totally honest with you, it's listen to music and cry. Like I let myself cry. I, you know, I've been so moved emotionally lately. I'm just letting it. It's been happy tears. It's been anything just flows through me. I'm like tears for my future. I haven't even seen yet tears from my past that I have seen and I didn't like or whatever.
• 58:30
  But I really let myself feel it, whatever it is. I really let myself feel it and I let it pass. But I listen to music, all kinds, you know, classical. I have different playlists for every mood. I'm a cancer zodiac, so we feel stuff deep. And I just, that's my blessing and my curse. I let myself feel it.
• 58:48
  Well, you're supposed to, and then just release it. Yeah. So I have been actively working on that at 50 years old, 49, and I get a lot of emotion. Because when I was younger, there was nobody to cry to. Oh, yeah, and you're a man. My mom would say to me, you want to cry? I'll give you something to cry about. Oh, yeah. But now I find myself, you know, I go to Lifetime here right up the road, and I'll be going to the gym, and I start crying because I'm just so overjoyed to be full-bodied. Yeah.
• 59:13
  full mind and just there i'm like this is what i get to do i walk the street and it's a bunch of ceos and i'm like how did a poor kid from eight mile and i get here you know i have a second house in florida i'm like what where did i i did something right i don't know what it is i i haven't figured it out question i don't question anymore neither do i i just thank god yeah yeah i just i just literally thank god do you journal
• 59:36
  I do. I'm a very active journaler. It's a cheat code. You know, for years, and I think I've said this before, but I don't know. I was afraid to journal because I thought somebody would find it. And they would say, this dude is messed up. And then when you heal, you're like, I'm just a human trying to figure things out. I think that's my thing is like, you know, I don't care.
• 59:58
  Like if you're going to find out my deepest, darkest what, and then you're going to judge me. Everyone's got something. Oh, man. You know, I don't really care. It's none of my business when anybody thinks about me. Exactly. I don't care what anyone says about me. It's like, you're going to try to hurt my feelings worse than I already hurt my own. Good luck. You know, like...
• 1:00:14
  Two more questions, my dear. We'll get you out of here. This has been wonderful. We're just flowing like nothing. I hope that they are. I know the audience has got a lot about this. And you guys can see someone in the thralls of it. And this is only the beginning. I still think you're in the first chapter of your life. And it's been good.
• 1:00:36
  It's about to get great and then life's gonna come at you and then you're gonna, and I'm gonna bet on you. And it's gonna be even better and better and better. My mom said that today. So maybe that's my sign of the day. Boom. What's next for your empire? New books, cookbooks, film projects, what? Yeah, yeah, I have a film in development. There's going to be some announcements. It's funny cause I'm the writer, so I don't necessarily know all the details, but I just know that like exciting things are happening. So on his way back to me is in development. I'm officially on IMDB, which feels really cool.
• 1:01:05
  Wow. As a filmmaker and writer, yep. So that and then some other new developments from a new thriller, Suburban Women, which I can't share, which just feels like I'm gatekeeping, but I just really can't share. And then I started writing a new book. So I'm always doing something creatively, building that. But then I always keep my little business side hustles to myself. I always want people to be like, how is she doing all this? And also to...
• 1:01:32
  the evil eyes real you know and so i'm i'm like not like i'm gatekeeping but i definitely keep a lot of like my business transactions or things that i do to myself someday i always say this it'll be impossible to not know what i have my hands in right now but right now yeah i always have my hands in something business related i love it so if someone only took away one lesson from your work what would you want it to be break all the rules
• 1:01:57
  What are the rules? What are these rules you speak of? Whatever rules they feel that they are supposed to adhere to, just break them all, rip them in half. Oh, girl. And be your real, like, do what you really want to do. Say what you want to say. Make the art that you want to make. Do the work that you want to do. Take the trip you want to take. Like, whatever you're not supposed to do because you think someone said you're not supposed to do it, go do that. Do that exact thing.
• 1:02:19
  I say a lot of times, everybody says you only live once. And I flip it on its head and I say you only die once. You live every day. So even if you have, didn't live your fullest today, live in a day type compartment, let that one go. For sure, yeah. And just remember that we all have an expiring timer. And nobody knows when that is. As we saw with your first love and I apologize. I'm sorry to bring that back up. But live like... Live. Like...
• 1:02:45
  Your life depends on it because it does. And I. Your joy matters. Your bliss matters. Your happiness matters. It matters. Your peace matters. And your peace matters. And the fact that you're here, you're here for a reason. All of us are. Oh, even today I woke up and like sometimes I'm just in such gratitude, I'm like, ah, I'm here. It feels great. Like I had that feeling this morning. I'm like, thank you. Like we really take that for granted. But like the fact that we're alive and like I can feel things and.
• 1:03:12
  So how can people find more out about you? Yeah. Well, all of my books are on Amazon as Brittany Basinski. And then I'm just, I keep it simple across all platforms. It's just my name, Brittany Basinski, TikTok, Brittany Basinski, Instagram.
• 1:03:25
  I'm surprised you kept the name for the boys. I did keep it for the boys. Yep. And also to like, I had already built a brand. Oh, it can't really go back on that. It's like Rachel Hollis, you know, when she got divorced, she kind of had to keep it. That's and it's yes for my boys. But I always say if I do get married or whatever, I don't think I'll sign the paperwork. But like, I think it would be kind of cute to like, take his name and not tell anybody. It was just like my private little thing. Just a little romantic thing that I'll do and tell no one. That's so cute. You're so cute. What final thoughts?
• 1:03:53
  Um, just grateful, grateful to be here, grateful to be alive. And I know that's your big thing. So yeah, practice gratitude. It's magic. I'm grateful that you're here and that I can call you friend. And thanks for coming in to everybody else. I hope you enjoy this and share it with who could use it. There's, there's men, women, there's, there's a lesson in everything guys. And so until next week, be harder than life. Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Seagull supporters.
• 1:04:20
  Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with. Delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.