Latest / The Rooted Woman Podcast / Road to Rooted: Let's Get OUT of Survival Mode
Transcript
- Courtney: Welcome to the Rooted Women Podcast, the place for Christian women who are ready to grow deeper in their faith, find freedom from the things keeping them stuck, and confidently walk in the calling God has placed on their lives. Here we're getting rooted in biblical truth, having honest conversations about real life, and learning what it looks like to actually live out our faith. I'm Courtney, your host, and I'm so glad you're here. Let's get rooted. Today is a super exciting day and we're gonna go through a tough topic, but there is fun news at the very end. So if you stick with me, I want to walk this out together. We're gonna talk about how to get out of survival mode. And maybe you clicked on this episode because you feel like you're barely keeping your head above water right now. And I want to start with this. You probably don't need another morning routine or a new planner. I feel like we always think new planners and new water bottles like fix things. and sometimes they feel good for the moment, but you probably don't need them. You do not need someone on social media telling you to wake up at five in the morning and drink more water and clean your house and hit ten thousand steps, read your Bible, meal prep, organize the pantry. And then you're just gonna be somehow checking the boxes and you are completely different by next week. It does not work like that. Survival mode doesn't shift like that. And I know because I lived in survival mode. The deep dark pits of survival mode could not pick myself up off the bathroom floor survival mode. And so when I say I'm talking about this from experience, I'm talking about it from experience. When I also say that I can share the testimony and the hope that you can get out of that place. I'm now free from depression. I'm free from anxiety. I'm free from feeling stuck Like I couldn't get out of survival mode. I have more joy. I have more mental clarity. And I'm not sharing this to brag. I'm sharing this to tell you. If God could do this for me, how much more could he do for you? And I'm telling you, friend to friend, sister to sister, I want to see that happen in you. I want you to come back and tell me your transformation, your testimony, all the things that God has done, because I'm believing he will. Will you believe it with me? Let's dive deeper into this episode today. for me, when I was in survival mode, I didn't know I was in survival mode at first. Okay. I truly felt like, I'm just, I'm doing fine. I'm just a little bit tired, but I'm fine. I'm fine. I kept saying that I'm fine. Everything's fine. But I knew inside of me was not fine. Like the feeling like my heart was going to pump out through my throat at any given moment, not even my chest. It was like in my throat. I just felt. so on edge all the time. Like one more thing was gonna break me, but then I would say yes to the next thing. It was this crazy loop that I was stuck in. And everybody around me would think, she's doing great. Like, but meanwhile internally I was literally drowning. I was overstimulated. I was very snappy. I overreacted to everything because I had not healed deep wounds and trauma that I had gone through that were keeping my reactions In a place that would keep me further in survival mode because I would react to something and then I would feel ashamed. And then I would put all of this mental energy into processing that shame that I would then neglect things that I needed to do. Then by the time I got back up and I needed to do those things, I had an even bigger list of things that I needed to tackle. And I'm telling you, it was like a hamster wheel of being completely stuck in this pattern. My body felt exhausted. Exhausted, but at nighttime my brain would not shut off. I would feel guilty if I rested. We mentioned that in last week's episode. It was like there was always something else that needed to be done. I honestly I remember in one part of this season, and I think I've shared this before, that I truly felt like I did not even know what I enjoyed anymore. And for a while I went through putting different ideas on popsicle sticks. This was before the pit of my survival mode even hit. but I was trying, I was trying, okay? I put on on popsicle sticks different activities like ride your bike to Panera, rollerblade around the bock, you know, doing these different things to see what I actually enjoyed doing because I didn't even know what I enjoyed doing anymore. Is that not crazy to say? Can you think right now, like pause and ask yourself, like what do I enjoy doing? What do I not just like turning on a Netflix show at the end of the day to wind down, like what do you enjoy doing? And if you can't answer that, maybe you need to do the popsicle stick idea too. But that's just where I was at in my wheel of survival mode. And I kept telling myself like if I get through this week, you know, once X, Y, and Z happens, then I'll start to feel better. But I never started to feel better. I only got worse. I only got way worse actually. Like I said, the popsicle stick idea came before I even was in the pit. of my survival mode. And I just kept saying these things over and over and over again with no resolve and no solution. So I got deeper and deeper in the pits, deeper in survival mode, and then the anxiety took over. And then I had my first baby and the depression took over. And now I was like, whoa, we've gotten to a place that I don't even I don't even see the ladder. I could cry talking about it. Like I don't even see the ladder to be able to climb my way out of this anymore. That's how how dark and how awful It was. And for so long I was like, yeah, I could I could get out of this at any time. At that was the point where I'm like, I need help and I need to fix this because I no longer know if I can actually get out of this place. And if this is resonating with you, and if you're feeling in that place, just know I am praying for you. I am warring for you. I have written this podcast and the next thing that's coming out for you because I care about my testimony being your testimony in the unique and individual way that God would have so Written it for you to get out of that place. Because I know, I know what it feels like when you can't see your own way out, but somebody else now needs something from you. Imagine that as a first-time mom. It's like my baby's always crying and she's got colic, but I can't even get myself out of being done crying. And I remember one time my grandma came over and she was like, Courtney, are you home? And I was sitting in my baby's nursery, rocking her in the rocking chair. just crying over her because she wouldn't stop crying. And I I just didn't even know what to do. I'm like, I'm supposed to take care of this human and I can't even take care of myself. It was no longer a busy week. This was the way that I was living now. And I had to, with all my might work to get out of it. And it took me a while. And if I could give anybody anything that I learned from that season, I would gladly give it to you because I don't want you to have to fight that same fight for as long as I had to fight it. And maybe you're not in that place where you cannot see your way out yet. I want you to get out of it before you get to that place because that place is dark. And if I could prevent everybody and anybody from ever having to walk through that, I would in a heartbeat. I want us to understand what survival mode is. I think one of the biggest mistakes that we make is treating this like a productivity problem. Like you need to get more organized or have better discipline. I talk to people all the time, they're I got again, it's the new planner, it's always the new planner or the new water bottle, but I got the new planner and I like reconfigured my schedule and I think like everything's gonna be better now. And it's like, wait, the planner didn't get to the root of everything though. Like, we don't just need more discipline or a better routine. Survival mode isn't a discipline routine. Problem. Sometimes survival mode began because your mind and body were doing exactly what they needed to do, what God designed them to do. They were protecting you because maybe you've gone through grief, or for me, like I had a traumatic birth and it just brought out so much of this pain and wounding that I had already walked through that I had not dealt with. So I had unhealed things that I was trying to process while I was going through a new and bigger. Traumatizing situation and trying to deal with all this postpartum. recipe for a disaster. Okay. And maybe you have financial stress or you've gone through difficult seasons in your marriage, or maybe a marriage that ended and you didn't want it to, or it ended tragically, a medical diagnosis that you did not foresee was coming, or somebody in your family that's going through something and you're carrying the weight and the burden of that. And We go through things like this, like loss and betrayal and burnout. And it sometimes it's not one big event. Like my traumatic birth experience and postpartum experience, that was not one main event. That was a big thing that happened to me, but it the reaction that it got was because of all of these other little things that had happened to me over time that I did not deal with. And then because I did not deal with them again, I was reacting poorly to new situations. And you see how this cycle just keeps going, right? It can be Five years of tiny things, tiny little emergencies, little disappointments. Maybe you got hurt by a friend group, and then the next year you got really close to somebody else and got hurt by them. And being hurt by people two times in a row just really impacted you. Maybe it's, you know, moments where you told yourself, like I will deal with this later. And then you really never did. And then you repeated that over and over and over again until your body learned, She doesn't have time to process. Here in this body, we just keep moving. So you just kept moving. You did. And the ability to keep moving may have carried you through something really difficult. But what happens is eventually that difficult season ends or something else comes up and you realize, no, here I am and I did not deal with these things. And my body cannot take it anymore. Like I mentioned, I could not get up off the bathroom floor. I couldn't do it. I I felt like I was glued there. It was like my back was glued to the wall, my butt was glued to the floor. I could not move my body. I'm like, what is going on? I started breaking out in hives all over my chest and my arms and my legs. I'm like, what is happening? Am I having an allergic reaction? Yeah, I my body was saying, hey, get this out of here. Get this out of here. You cannot. Do this any longer. I was rushing everywhere. I was bracing all the time. What I'm talking about is grip on the steering wheel, shoulders up to your ears, constantly in a tightened position. If I told you right now, start at the top of your head, relax your forehead, take a deep breath, unclench, you know, that area. Now go into your cheeks and your jaw, unclench. Now what about your neck and your traps? Like some of us have to go through and we're like concentrating so hard because we can't relax any one of those parts, let alone do all three at once, right? That's how I was. I was constantly bracing. I also constantly anticipated the next problem or the next thing that would fall through or a friendship that would fall out and I reacted from that place. I would feel so irritated if anybody ever asked me for something else, and I would react with that irritation. And it was just not a pretty picture. Survival mode then became the way that I was living, right? But I want to say this so clearly to the person that feels like that's my life right now. Survival mode is not who you are. That's not your identity. Okay, especially as a daughter of the most high king. That is not your identity. It's just a way that you have learned. to to survive truly. And if it was learned, guess what? Here's the amazing part about our amazing creator that just as a behavior analyst, trust me, this makes me so excited. You can rewire your brain. New patterns can be learned. You can change your life, right? We see it in the Bible over and over again. People that went from being one way or one thing or acting in certain ways to being completely transformed and learning new ways of life. God didn't give us those examples because he's like, yeah, this is this cool like fairy tale story that you'll never get to live out. No, no, no. It could be you too. Okay. It was me. And now I'm here. And I'm telling you, you could be where you're at, and you're gonna get so much further as you continue to process through and release this one step at a time. So let's talk about step one. Stop trying to fix your life before you audit it. Okay. This is where we begin inside of the road to rooted. I'm letting you know just a little little hint the road to rooted doors are actually open for registration. I am so excited. I have will have the link in the show notes and you can go ahead and get signed up. We are going to be doing a survival audit inside of the Road to Rooted. The question that you're going to be asking is how did I get here? And there are a lot of specific ways to break this down when we go through this. We're going through it for an entire week because it's going to be one week of major reflection to really see what's going on inside of us, around us. all of it in one big picture. So I won't break it down here because it is just far too much to do in one or even five episodes. We're gonna be doing it throughout the entire week together. I'm going to be mentoring you. Yes, that means I'm actively going to be involved in the entire process in Road to Rooted. So get excited. I cannot wait to connect with you there. But you cannot change patterns that you have not identified. So we need to start there, identify them and it's not immediately jumping into, okay, what habit do I start now? No, no, no. It's not like I said, you don't need the new planner. It's not a new habit. We need to look at what's draining you. What did you normalize that isn't actually sustainable for you? Where are you constantly rushing? Why are you rushing? Where are you overcommitted? You know, all these questions we're gonna go through in a really deep way. And we want to be processing through this to figure out how we should handle it, right? Because When we're walking through breakthrough, it's not just learning how to carry everything better. It's admitting that you were not supposed to carry all of it at once. and we're gonna audit through that, right? In Psalm 139, 23 through th through 24, it says, Search me, God, and know my heart, try me and know my thoughts, and see if there be any grievous way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. Okay. I wanna be led. by the Lord in all that I do. God searches me. He knows my heart. My heart can be deceitful. So we're gonna do this auditing. We're gonna be praying through it. And I believe that God's gonna show us A lot okay. Then step two, we're gonna come back to our bodies, right? What does this mean, Courtney? This sounds new agey. No, it's not, it's not. We're gonna think about what your body actually needs from you. I know there's this stigma in the Christian world that we can't lean into self-care. Well, actually, if you're not caring for yourself, your spiritual health goes down and then your relational health, hello, body of Christ, goes down and you're struggling with that and you're overwhelmed. You need to focus on what your body needs from you. And the Lord gave us. emotions and he gave us signals within our body to be able to know how to care for it in a better way so that we can do what he told us to steward it well, right? To be a temple of the Holy Spirit. We're gonna talk about them. We're not gonna ignore hunger. We're not gonna ignore exhaustion. We're not gonna ignore tension and stress anymore. We are going to be mindful of it all and walk in stewarding our health well and really listening to what our body needs from us in a way that is so submitted To the Lord. It's gonna be beautiful. Step three, we are gonna learn what happens between the trigger point and the reaction. Whew, I know, I know it's a lot. It's gonna be so good though. Week three, we're really going through breaking the survival cycle. It's gonna be monumental. That will be when we're halfway through that six-week mentorship. And I cannot wait to see. We're gonna we're gonna look at, you know, why do you keep reacting the way that you're reacting? I'm gonna ask myself, why do I react certain ways and certain things? Cause you don't have to be in survival mode to really walk through this and make sure you're staying out of survival mode. This is great to do. Even if you're like, okay, I just came out of survival mode and I feel like I'm towing the line of getting back in there. I'm gonna be auditing myself too because I don't want to go back there. I don't want anyone to. So let's jump in this together and really look at why you're reacting a certain way, right? Instead of looking at a trigger and then our immediate reaction, we're gonna learn how to see the trigger, notice it, and take note of how we're feeling, and then choose a reaction. What? Did you know you can choose a reaction? You don't have to react the way that your body's telling to when it's in survival mode because Survival mode gives us a clue as to where we're at and how we're stewarding our body, our time, our circumstances if we've processed through things, but it doesn't mean that it makes the choice for us. It gives us clues, but it does not make the choice for us. You're gonna take ownership back of those choices. And I cannot wait for that because it's gonna be the turning point within this challenge. Then we're gonna move to step four. We are going to find the woman who disappeared under all of that survival mode. Yes, you. We're gonna rediscover you. And again, not new agey. We are gonna allow ourselves to be someone that we can care for, right? What again, what do you enjoy? What does your schedule need to be? Not what somebody else tells you that your schedule needs to be. What do you like to do? What have you been spending your time doing? Is it the things that you like to do? Because if it's not, we need to shift that around a little bit. And again, not being me centered, but doing this so that I can go and be the hands and feet of Jesus. If I am knocked down on my bathroom floor in survival mode again, I cannot go be the hands and feet of Jesus. I cannot go and do what my children need me to do. So I need to make sure I'm taking care of me and I'm not buried underneath a bunch of responsibility putting myself back under once again. No, I need to make sure that I'm caring for me in a balanced way so I can go and care for everybody else. I want to be refilled by the Lord over and over and over again so that what people get from me are not reactions. They get the overflow of what the Lord is doing in me. And that's way better for my relationships, let me tell you from experience. Step five, we are going to build a life that doesn't keep sending you back into survival mode. Again, what does a rhythm truly look like? I have would I feel like mastered this in my own life. And it has transformed my home. It has transformed my marriage. It has transformed my motherhood. I used to be angry with my kids over certain things. My marriage really struggled the first year. We really struggled. And through the last eight or so years, really just going through this over and over and over again to build rhythms, not strict routines and to be mindful of the the way that I'm flowing in and out of each day and where the Lord is in the day and if I'm returning back to him over and over and over again. This this whole process should make it easier for you to just live life. Remember, survival mode feels unsustainable. But when you are living so connected to the Holy Spirit, life finally feels sustainable again. And that's my goal for you. Then we're gonna go into the most important part, week six. We're gonna talk about abiding and just remaining rooted in the Lord when life gets hard again. Life will get hard again. I'm in a hard season, I'm transitioning right now. Things are are looking a little bit different in our home, but I know that I can look at it one of two ways. I could be scared, I could be nervous, I could be anxious, I could be stressing and striving and trying to make all these things happen in my own time. Or I can realize, okay, this thing can wait until Monday. And I know that I'm like almost there, but not yet. So I I'm not gonna feel nervous about this. It's coming, it's just not here. The unknown is hard for me. And I'm talking myself through it because I know that the transition season is always hard for me, but I know that when I've done it without the Lord, it did not look good. So this time I wanna do it with the Lord. John 15, 4, abide in me and I and you. I want. Abide in him and I want the Lord to make a home in me so that everything that I do can be with him and and through him. And it's just gonna be way more beautiful than if I ever try to do it on my own. And we're gonna talk about what that looks like. So, big question, right? The title of the podcast, how do you get out of survival mode? You're not gonna wake up one morning and just suddenly be there. I promise you that it takes a lot of work, but everything is hard, right? Staying in survival mode is hard, putting in the work. Get out of survival mode is hard, but the fruit that comes from the work that you're gonna put in and the place that you're gonna be from that transformation that's going to happen is going to be so so beautiful. I can't wait to see you care for the woman that is underneath all of those responsibilities and see you come alive again. I want you to live deeply rooted and fully alive in Jesus' name, and I can't wait to see what that looks like as we come together because I'm gonna get a front row seat. And all the transformations that are gonna be going on. And I am just like, I'm I'm just cheering from the mountaintops that you know God is so good that I get to be able to be a part of what he's doing here. So I'm inviting you to come and be a part of what we're gonna be doing there. Like I said, this is a group. cohort mentorship. I'm going to be available for one-on-one chats, but I also want to make sure that we're coming together as a group because where two or more are gathered, right? If I'm praying for you and you've got five other women who are also praying for you, my goodness, can you imagine all that power and that prayer? What's going to happen? I just can't wait for that level of accountability, that level of transparency, that level of connection that the Lord so ordained for us to be really taken advantage of in the best way for his glory and for your good, for your transformation, for the testimony that he's building in you and through you right now in this season. So if you've been listening to this episode and you're thinking, Courtney, this is me. Like I don't want to live like this anymore. It breaks my heart thinking about it. I can't, I can't help but not tear up at it because it really just breaks my heart thinking that you might be in that place. Well, then I would have you join us inside of Road to Rooted. You don't need to become a different person before you come. Nobody's gonna be judging you. Like I said, this is a group mentorship. You don't have to put all your stuff out there if you don't want to, if you're more reserved in that. You want you can share as much or as little as you want, but the content is still gonna be there. I am still gonna be there, and we are still gonna do this. Together. I want you to come exactly where you are, free of judgment, free of shame, free of guilt over it, and just come and be where you're at right now and let the Lord work there. Okay. maybe it's time that you you just really surrendered it all, opened your hands and trusted him with that process. So sit with it, pray about it, write about it, ask God, Lord, show me what you want me to do in this situation. Lord, show me what you want me to change and then take the next faithful step. Let me pray for you today. Father God, I just thank you. I thank you for this podcast. I thank you for a platform, Lord, that you have allowed me to step into this, Lord, that you have entrusted it to me. I do not take it lightly. And I just pray for every single woman who is considering joining the Road to Rooted or even just sitting there in survival mode. in tears in her car or her kitchen or her living room right now, Lord, that you just reach out and you give her a touch and you remind her she's not alone and that I see her and that you see her and that there's more for her. There is more peace and there is more joy and it's abundant in you, Father. So let us just cling to you and let us find that together. I just pray God that you are are igniting fires inside of the women who are like, no, I want to get out of this. Like I'm done. And they can set it down and they could burn it down for good, Father, and they can step into all that you have For them, Lord. And I just pray, God, that you are are just gonna be moving in that space, Lord, that you're gonna continue to move here on the podcast. It people don't have to join Road to Rooted. It's not about that. I just care that the Lord moves. So, Father, I just pray that you move wherever these women need you in their hearts and their minds and their bodies right now, Lord. And I I cast down the lies that are saying the enemy's whispering that it it won't change anything. You can join that course, you can listen to this prayer, you can listen to the podcast. It's not gonna change anything. You're always gonna be here. No. In Jesus' name, no. Lord, I know that you are preparing and and planning for transformation, true heart and mind transformation. So we invite you in, Father, and we ask you go before us and beside us and behind us, Father, and just help us through this process, Lord. We cannot wait to share the victory. All for your glory in Jesus' mighty name. Amen. Okay, so if you're excited, Road to Rooted is open. I've got the link in the show notes. You don't have to join to be able to continue to get information like this. I'll be sharing more on the podcast. I'm going to be sharing more on social media. I just care about you. And I can't wait to connect with those of you who do jump into the group. It's going to be so good. So I will see you in there. I'll see you back here if you're listening on the podcast next week. And we will just continue to dive into topics like this and grow together.