Latest / Chavadi: The Meeting Place / Episode #28 - Gita Shetty

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Episode #28 - Gita Shetty · Chavadi: The Meeting Place

0:09
SPEAKER_02: Hi there, or as we say in Tulu, Namaskara.
0:14
SPEAKER_02: Welcome to Chowdi.
0:16
SPEAKER_00: Chowdi means the meeting place.
0:18
SPEAKER_00: Architecturally, it is a veranda, sometimes outside a home, sometimes within, always to welcome guests, to swap stories, debate the news, and pass the time together.
0:31
SPEAKER_02: Each episode we will bring you voices that reflect the rich tapestry of life, memories from childhood, lessons learned along the way, and the moments that stay with us forever.
0:44
SPEAKER_02: Some humorous, some poignant, but always special.
0:49
SPEAKER_02: I'm Lalita Shetty.
0:51
SPEAKER_00: And I'm Siddhan Chetty.
0:53
SPEAKER_00: Today we invite you to our Chawati.
1:01
SPEAKER_02: Welcome.
1:02
SPEAKER_02: So today is actually a very, very special day because this celebrates our one year on Chawardi.
1:09
SPEAKER_02: So first, before we start, I do want to say, Siddhan, thank you to you for joining me on this journey.
1:14
SPEAKER_02: And thank you to our guests and our listeners.
1:18
SPEAKER_02: They gave us so much success, more than we even might uh imagined, the milestones that we've reached.
1:24
SPEAKER_02: We launched this podcast on August 14th, and we launched it on a very special day, the birthday of a very special person to me.
1:34
SPEAKER_02: And she is our guest today.
1:37
SPEAKER_02: She is the daughter of the late B.
1:40
SPEAKER_02: LN Rai and Lalita Rai.
1:42
SPEAKER_02: She's the ninth of ten siblings.
1:44
SPEAKER_02: She's the wife of late PLN Shetty.
1:47
SPEAKER_02: Biologically, she's the mother to four kids, grandmother to eight grandkids, and great-great-grandmother to two great-grandkids.
1:56
SPEAKER_02: But she honestly is the mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and so much more to so many more.
2:04
SPEAKER_02: So, yes, we have Gita Shetty with us today.
2:08
SPEAKER_02: Welcome.
2:08
SPEAKER_02: I call her Gita Mie, Gita Mami.
2:11
SPEAKER_02: She's my mother's sister.
2:12
SPEAKER_02: And once my mother passed, she I had she became my mother without any choice on for her.
2:20
SPEAKER_02: But yes, welcome, Gita Mi.
2:22
SPEAKER_02: Thank you for joining us on the podcast today.
2:24
SPEAKER_02: I can't tell you how happy I am.
2:26
SPEAKER_02: I know this is not something you normally do.
2:29
SPEAKER_02: So I truly, truly appreciate it.
2:32
SPEAKER_02: And shout out to uh your daughters, Gayatri and Lakshmi, who were also guests on our show, who I feel helped you make this decision to join us today.
2:42
SPEAKER_02: So thanks, Gitlams.
2:44
SPEAKER_02: I hope I'll do justice, please.
2:46
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
2:48
SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
2:49
SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
2:50
SPEAKER_00: I think one of the perks of this episode specifically is that we'll have a lot of listens because you're connected to like 30 people.
2:57
SPEAKER_00: You know, we have we have eight grandkids, four kids, so many other great grandchildren.
3:02
SPEAKER_00: So this episode will do great.
3:05
SPEAKER_00: Don't worry at all.
3:06
SPEAKER_00: Um but let's start off with uh being the second youngest of ten siblings.
3:11
SPEAKER_00: I can't imagine being the second youngest of ten siblings because I have I have one younger brother, and it's it's very hard to handle him for me.
3:18
SPEAKER_00: So tell us more about being the ninth of ten siblings.
3:21
SPEAKER_00: How was that growing up?
3:23
SPEAKER_01: Oh, Siddhanta, thank you for that introduction.
3:27
SPEAKER_01: You know what?
3:28
SPEAKER_01: Being uh nine of ten children, the first five were first five siblings were all grown up by the time we came up, and they were mostly like uncles and aunts for us.
3:40
SPEAKER_01: My mother would leave us to with them to look after us, myself, my younger brother, and my brother, older one.
3:50
SPEAKER_01: So my three sisters were in charge of us.
3:52
SPEAKER_01: So we grew up, I mean, as the youngest and as an odd person out.
3:59
SPEAKER_01: Of the ten, I was the only one who was born outside Karnataka in Tamil Nadu.
4:06
SPEAKER_01: Tinavelli.
4:07
SPEAKER_01: So the my father was uh in the judiciary there, and uh my mother couldn't come to South Canada for my delivery to deliver me, sort of.
4:20
SPEAKER_01: So I was in Tinavelli, and I was only one odd from the 10.
4:27
SPEAKER_01: Okay, okay, yeah.
4:29
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, yeah, yeah.
4:31
SPEAKER_01: So I think uh being I was always running errands, I was a timid as I grew up, but the one thing that I really remember is when I was about four or five years old, we my parents took me to Tirupati temple.
4:51
SPEAKER_01: I was I still remember I was in a pink satin frock and I had a rose in my hand, and I could go right up to the deity and place it on his feet, and that I that is very clear in my mind.
5:07
SPEAKER_01: So ever since then I've been holding on to his feet for everything.
5:11
SPEAKER_01: Poor fellow, he must be so tired of me clinging to him like this.
5:16
SPEAKER_03: Wow, and today you have to yeah, yeah, yeah.
5:20
SPEAKER_00: Wow, that's a wonderful story.
5:23
SPEAKER_00: You mentioned that your mom and your dad, can you give us an idea of how they were when you were growing up?
5:29
SPEAKER_00: Were they strict with you?
5:30
SPEAKER_00: Were because you were the youngest, were you the ones that got all the gifts and everything?
5:34
SPEAKER_00: Were you the one that was doted upon?
5:36
SPEAKER_00: How was your mom and dad growing up?
5:39
SPEAKER_01: Mom, when I grew up, they were already in there, you know, almost due to retire, sort of.
5:46
SPEAKER_01: So by the time most of uh, you know, they had made a pact that they will not have any for harsh words with each other in front of our children.
5:56
SPEAKER_01: So we always had a good time.
5:59
SPEAKER_01: And being the youngest, I was always with my parents.
6:03
SPEAKER_01: We were never never allowed to go and have holidays with my siblings till I finished my graduation.
6:10
SPEAKER_01: So wherever they went, me and my two brothers tagged along, and they were very we had a very good uh childhood, and I always uh played with my four brothers, the bottom five.
6:27
SPEAKER_01: We were always playing, and I'd never had any girls to play with, so I went on to play with them, climbing trees.
6:37
SPEAKER_01: I mean, the usual what the boys do.
6:40
SPEAKER_01: So, but I was always running errands for them, and because they knew my mother was ahead and my father were very soft towards me, being the youngest of the girls, so they knew they could get anything through me.
6:55
SPEAKER_00: So that was one of the smart siblings, they know they know who to pick and choose, yeah.
7:02
SPEAKER_00: Um, and and then your your father was a pretty well-respected judge growing up, right?
7:09
SPEAKER_00: So did you you always had this interest in law, I believe, growing up?
7:13
SPEAKER_01: The thing is, my father was a scholar, he was so good in his studies, he was a mathematician, he knew all our uh scriptures, he was a Sanskrit scholar.
7:25
SPEAKER_01: I mean, the more you try to describe him, he's something I I've never come across anybody like him.
7:33
SPEAKER_01: He could answer all my maths paper just by going through it, orally sort of.
7:38
SPEAKER_01: He wouldn't, even in my when I was in the 10th standard, he just went through everything, checked with my answers.
7:46
SPEAKER_01: So that good he was.
7:48
SPEAKER_01: And my mother was, of course, she has hardly gone to any school.
7:52
SPEAKER_01: She had just, in those days, she would have done only her second standard class or second standard as this.
7:59
SPEAKER_01: But after they got married, she learned everything the hard way.
8:04
SPEAKER_01: And she was one of the most finest, the most cultured person I've come across.
8:10
SPEAKER_01: Very strict, of course, disciplinarian to the core.
8:13
SPEAKER_01: Everything, a fork should be there, and the spoons should be here, and they do, you know, you should never mix up.
8:19
SPEAKER_01: But she brought us up well, and I should say bringing up ten children is no joke those times.
8:26
SPEAKER_01: The government servants, both whether they were the British or Indian government, the you know, they had a lot of perks, but apart from that, nothing else.
8:36
SPEAKER_01: So it was, I can imagine what difficulty they would have gone through educating all of us like that.
8:43
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
8:44
SPEAKER_01: And getting the daughters married, all within 20, 21 years, all three of them, and me also.
8:51
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
8:52
SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
8:53
SPEAKER_01: So I really appreciate my parents now when I see what, and we just took it for granted that we grew up.
9:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
9:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
9:02
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, 10 kids is obviously no no joke.
9:05
SPEAKER_00: I mean, when I think about 10 people, it's like hosting a small dinner party every day for your mom, right?
9:10
SPEAKER_00: So that's that's amazing.
9:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, another thing, Siddhanta, I would like to, you know, my brother, eldest brother used to say, Mom, you have missed your vacation.
9:20
SPEAKER_01: You should start a restaurant or catering, because every day you're having 75 people on your table and you're so good at managing it, you would have been number one in that uh hospitality scene, which is very true.
9:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
9:36
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
9:37
SPEAKER_00: And then you mentioned how your mom was the like very disciplined, and she obviously instilled this discipline in you.
9:43
SPEAKER_00: And eventually it I mean it worked out because you were the first daughter to graduate from college.
9:48
SPEAKER_00: So, can you tell us a little bit more about how you approached your education, the work and how and why it was so important to you?
9:56
SPEAKER_01: Yes, um, but till my father retired, he was being transferred from one place to the other.
10:03
SPEAKER_01: And the five of us would be going with them, three of us definitely wherever, two years it each place, and we never had the proper schooling till he retired and we came to Mangalore, settled in Bangalore in 1950 or so, 50-51.
10:23
SPEAKER_01: And then I was we remember the siblings were put into regular school, but the disadvantage we had was it was all in Canada, the whole uh system was in Canada, and none of us knew, even in the letter in Canada.
10:42
SPEAKER_01: But they we learned it the hard way, I'm sure, and I should thank our teachers.
10:48
SPEAKER_01: They were very generous, and they said one year we will give you time to catch up because everything, all the subjects, everything was in Canada.
10:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, till I reached college, it was all in we managed, we managed nothing, uh it was okay.
11:03
SPEAKER_01: And what did you focus on?
11:05
SPEAKER_01: Uh and when I went to college, um, that time my parents had come to Urupi, and uh there was only one college at that time, MGM College, and it was a co-ed education, which my parents had said, nothing doing, no daughter of mine is going to a co-ed education.
11:26
SPEAKER_01: But then they didn't want to leave and leave me in a house still in Bangalore too.
11:31
SPEAKER_01: And um so with much pressure, not from me, from my sister and my brothers, said, now what you're in modern terms still going, you have given values to your daughter.
11:43
SPEAKER_01: Don't think she'll run away with somebody or do this.
11:47
SPEAKER_01: And true enough, we were known as if we were like Chandikori Laka.
11:52
SPEAKER_01: You I don't know whether you know that, you know, wet chicken.
11:55
SPEAKER_01: We just finish our class and go and sit in the ladies' room.
11:59
SPEAKER_01: That's all the interaction we had with the outside bottom boys.
12:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
12:06
SPEAKER_01: So you can imagine, yeah.
12:09
SPEAKER_02: So I I think Gitami, like listening to all those, you know, like you said, co-ed college and everything, that you know, you you were more sheltered from all of that.
12:20
SPEAKER_02: Do you think any of that was part of being bunt or the bunt influence or things like that?
12:25
SPEAKER_02: Because I mean, you had cousins, male and female, and you all had a great time.
12:30
SPEAKER_02: So I'd love to hear any of your stories about times that are very specifically bunt for you, because we are buns, bunts are from coastal uh Karnataka, coastal Karnataka, yes, and and we come from Brahmawar, Urupi, where there was a lot of uh band culture, but unfortunately, my grandfather was not all that religious on a Diwali day, they lost their son, so even that function was bad.
13:01
SPEAKER_01: The only band thing I've really come across was my mother's eldest brother performing the no again every year, the death anniversary of his parents, where everything was very clean and no non-wedge or anything.
13:19
SPEAKER_01: And he was so strict about it.
13:21
SPEAKER_01: Apart from that, we have never come across any bunt culture.
13:26
SPEAKER_01: As a result, we were known as they are not buns, they're all like Catholics and outsiders.
13:31
SPEAKER_01: But family is never a bunt family.
13:35
SPEAKER_02: Do you think that might be because y'all were he was one uh work you know on the British courts, and two, y'all traveled so much in Tamil Nadu?
13:43
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, it is because of that, and um when mommy also got married quite early and came out of the house, and I don't think none of her sisters are also any bunt uh followers of culture or anything.
14:01
SPEAKER_01: So, and as you said, they were traveling and staying in places in Tamil Nadu and Andra Pradesh.
14:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so it was more of that, and then the broad-mindedness, and then they were as government servants, they were going to the club and playing tennis, which my sisters do.
14:20
SPEAKER_01: By the time I grew up, all that was gone.
14:22
SPEAKER_01: They were retired and we were settled in uh Bangalore.
14:27
SPEAKER_02: It was like way back in the 40s, Siddhan.
14:30
SPEAKER_02: So we were once playing tennis in the 40s.
14:33
SPEAKER_02: So my god.
14:35
SPEAKER_00: The first Bangalore Club, but not in Bangalore, I guess.
14:38
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
14:41
SPEAKER_01: So that's how it is, and then I finished my BA at the age of 17.
14:47
SPEAKER_01: So they had to get a special permission from the government, from the education department, so that because I was too young to anyway.
14:56
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, I finished it, they gave permission and I did it.
15:00
SPEAKER_01: And then my father was the law college founder and principal at that time.
15:07
SPEAKER_01: So anyway, the marriage was I was too young to get married.
15:13
SPEAKER_01: At least, thank God if they thought of that that way.
15:16
SPEAKER_01: And I begged my father that I come with him to the college and come back with him from the college, law college.
15:25
SPEAKER_01: He said, No, no, no, enough.
15:27
SPEAKER_01: Now, you two years till you get married, you go spend all your holidays with your siblings, and that's enough, the older ones.
15:34
SPEAKER_01: So I spent most of my time with Shailaka, my older sister Ratnana, brother in his say this.
15:41
SPEAKER_01: So two years just passed like that.
15:44
unknown: Yeah.
15:44
SPEAKER_02: Okay, okay.
15:45
SPEAKER_02: So, me, one more question I have about being one.
15:49
SPEAKER_02: So, most of us remember when we would come to Parampali, which is where we came as grandkids for the holidays.
15:57
SPEAKER_02: The whole thing about the cola and things like that.
16:01
SPEAKER_02: Many of our guests have also talked about that.
16:04
SPEAKER_02: Is that something that you guys did when you were younger?
16:07
SPEAKER_02: I feel we've never really talked about that.
16:10
SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, nothing.
16:12
SPEAKER_01: We never had any opportunity to go to any kola anywhere.
16:16
SPEAKER_01: No, no, nothing.
16:18
SPEAKER_01: The only thing I got, I remember going with uh Sarsanti, my aunt and her uh husband, to go to attend one of their uh kolas.
16:30
SPEAKER_01: And both me and my younger brothers hid under the chair, we were so scared of.
16:35
SPEAKER_01: Apart from that, my grandfather was not for all this.
16:39
SPEAKER_01: He would give the money to the temples or whatever, but never encouraged anything.
16:44
SPEAKER_01: Almost his cousin became a Catholic or a Protestant, and you almost wanted to join him.
16:50
SPEAKER_01: That's how.
16:51
SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
16:52
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, so the culture never came.
16:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, that never came.
16:58
SPEAKER_01: And my mother was saying, as when they grew up, you know, all this uh Bisu and all those were observed in the house or in Tankmane, you know, where she came from.
17:12
SPEAKER_01: The grandfather was the Yajaman at Tankmane.
17:15
SPEAKER_01: But why I've not come across any of that.
17:20
SPEAKER_02: So that's kind of more a more recent uh thing.
17:24
SPEAKER_01: Even when we got married, also there was nothing like that, nothing except uh I think Kundarka, there was uh Kohla D and we just were all like onlookers guests, invited guests.
17:37
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, yeah, that's it.
17:39
SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, yes.
17:40
SPEAKER_02: Okay, so you've gone to weddings of your older siblings, cousins, and everybody.
17:45
SPEAKER_02: And now your most recent uh family wedding was your grandkid last year, Kabir's wedding.
17:52
SPEAKER_02: Yes, there's a difference from weddings back then and weddings now.
17:58
SPEAKER_01: Here also, I would like to tell you that when my eldest sister got married, she and my eldest brother got married together in the same month up, and mommy, you know, my parents had the Tamil influence more for on that wedding, okay.
18:17
SPEAKER_01: And we had a singer to come and sing for the reception, and everybody was saying, What are they trying to do?
18:26
SPEAKER_01: We don't have all this, you know.
18:28
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, yeah.
18:30
SPEAKER_01: The only thing we can had we knew was that as per band, only all those packets were distributed during uh the you know, holy water is uh uh Darimay Punataimbudu.
18:44
SPEAKER_01: But they'll all be standing with the juice bottles and the packets to take home.
18:52
SPEAKER_01: There was no one for anything.
18:53
SPEAKER_01: There's no dinner and no meeting.
18:54
SPEAKER_01: No, no, no.
18:55
SPEAKER_01: We went home straight and uh to the groom's place, and there they make us serve food to the groom, and we have to sit in that place and eat what's left over from the leaf, banana leaf, for which the mother-in-law would tie something onto the palo.
19:14
SPEAKER_01: That was only the culture I've seen brunt influenced.
19:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, nothing other than that.
19:22
SPEAKER_01: And uh, my in-laws are also were only two.
19:25
SPEAKER_01: My husband had one sister, and they were also in their early 60s.
19:32
SPEAKER_01: You know, too much for them to you know, yeah, go through all these ceremonies.
19:38
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so it wasn't five days of celebrations like it is nothing like that, nothing, nothing was there at that time.
19:45
SPEAKER_01: Of course, we had a murta seya where the uh um holy water would be brought and put in the Handa, and uh you had to the bride or the groom would have a bath in that dress up and you'll be made to sit and there'll be uh non-wedge dinner served the previous day of the wedge.
20:07
SPEAKER_02: So basically basically, the bride or the groom is officially becoming the bride or becoming the brother.
20:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, after that, they're not allowed to stir out of the house till till to go to the pandal.
20:21
SPEAKER_01: Okay, for the wedding.
20:23
SPEAKER_01: Yes, and I think the only other culture which they're dead to was the bride and the groom never met before the wedding, and there was no coming to look at the bride, also, you know, from the prize room side.
20:37
SPEAKER_01: It happened to me also, with me, and I'd not seen my husband.
20:41
SPEAKER_01: There were two men with uh turbans on their head.
20:44
SPEAKER_01: I didn't know which was mine and which was the other brother okay.
20:50
SPEAKER_02: So before we get into that, I do want to just make one comment because uh, you know, just last week, uh Ashima, we interviewed Ashima and she about how coming to your house in Victoria Road was like modern family on steroids.
21:05
SPEAKER_02: It sounds like way, way back in the 50s, we were the modern bunt family.
21:10
SPEAKER_01: Modern Bunt family, yes.
21:12
SPEAKER_01: Correct.
21:13
SPEAKER_01: They're all known like that.
21:14
SPEAKER_01: They're not, they don't have any bunt traits at all, they're all modern but yeah, yeah, yeah, yes.
21:22
SPEAKER_00: So you briefly mentioned obviously marriage and everything, and you got married at a very young age.
21:28
SPEAKER_00: Um, I mean, definitely today, I don't know about back then, but a very young age today of 20 years old.
21:34
SPEAKER_00: Um how was it experienced?
21:36
SPEAKER_00: Was it overwhelming?
21:37
SPEAKER_00: Was it just sort of expected?
21:39
SPEAKER_01: Um It was overwhelming because, yes.
21:43
SPEAKER_01: And the thing is, he was bald completely.
21:46
SPEAKER_01: He took a challenge to this when he was leaving, uh coming from where the place of work to Mangalore, Jamshetpur.
21:54
SPEAKER_01: His friends challenged him whether he can shave his head as a groom.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: And that's exactly can never resist a challenge.
22:02
SPEAKER_01: So we did that.
22:04
SPEAKER_01: And first uh look we all had was a bald head.
22:08
SPEAKER_00: And this is under the turban.
22:10
SPEAKER_00: This is a husband that you're that you married that you hadn't met or seen before the day of the wedding, correct?
22:17
SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
22:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I guess like can you give us if you have some vivid memory as of going to your wedding and trying to figure out which man you're married marrying?
22:26
SPEAKER_00: Any vivid memories of that?
22:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, you know, thing is, I've never seen my husband's photograph or anything earlier.
22:34
SPEAKER_01: My father parents were against it.
22:36
SPEAKER_01: They said what we have decided, and the families are good, we know.
22:40
SPEAKER_01: Why does she have to see or you know?
22:46
SPEAKER_01: And we and I remember my brother asking my mother, don't you want to ask her at least whether she'll go?
22:54
SPEAKER_01: What nonsense are you talking?
22:55
SPEAKER_01: I've never asked any of my children, and I'm not going to start it now.
22:58
SPEAKER_01: She said that's disciplinated.
23:01
SPEAKER_01: My mother, that's funny.
23:03
SPEAKER_00: I have a feeling that you'd I don't know if any of your grandkids have shown you these dating apps, but I feel like you'd have a real kick out of that, uh, especially considering that you had no idea who you're marrying.
23:13
SPEAKER_00: So it's yeah, yeah.
23:15
SPEAKER_01: So you know what my grandchildren are saying now?
23:17
SPEAKER_01: Why are you making such a big fuss of living together when you're willing to go and live with a very strange person whom you don't know?
23:27
SPEAKER_00: I would tend to agree with them.
23:31
SPEAKER_00: This is also very true.
23:33
SPEAKER_00: But cool.
23:34
SPEAKER_00: Um, so moving on, how many kids do you have?
23:36
SPEAKER_01: Four two daughters and two sons.
23:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so two daughters, two sons.
23:40
SPEAKER_00: Uh and how was sort of raising kids in the 1960s trying to get your perspective on how maybe parenting, uh, your parenting styles may have differed from your parents, also adjusted to who your kids were.
23:55
SPEAKER_00: Because obviously there's six less, right?
23:57
SPEAKER_00: So there's more focus for each one, I guess.
23:59
SPEAKER_00: But yeah.
24:00
SPEAKER_01: Six less.
24:02
SPEAKER_01: No, the the thing is, I was not such a big disciplinarian as my mother.
24:06
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
24:07
SPEAKER_01: So the children had a good time.
24:08
SPEAKER_01: He was my husband, was there, I think, till my youngest was about 10 years.
24:14
SPEAKER_01: And he was an outdoor man, used to take them and encourage my daughter to play hockey and send her to the camps.
24:23
SPEAKER_01: And I mean, it was like any other family.
24:25
SPEAKER_01: They loved it, you'd get them all the things what they wanted.
24:29
SPEAKER_01: And you know, by the time we had started our own business, so it was a happy family.
24:34
SPEAKER_01: I mean, uh, there was nothing, the children were going to school.
24:38
SPEAKER_01: There was only the youngest was a little problematical because he was naughty and wouldn't want to study.
24:44
SPEAKER_01: And uh, but other than that, they were all okay.
24:47
SPEAKER_01: I mean, he was also alright.
24:49
SPEAKER_01: He was the most uh to get kutties from his father, I think.
24:54
SPEAKER_00: Got it.
24:55
SPEAKER_02: And I don't know if you know, kutties means like knock on the head with knock on the head, knock on the head.
25:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
25:03
SPEAKER_01: Yes, that's it.
25:04
SPEAKER_01: So that's how I mean we just went with the flow.
25:08
SPEAKER_01: There was nothing extraordinary or nothing, and um my son and daughter, they all loved going with their father out shooting or trekking.
25:19
SPEAKER_01: I wasn't, I and when my son was just 20 days old, we came from Mangalore to Banglo.
25:28
SPEAKER_01: He started this company, said opening was there, um, industrial said, and then we drove to Jamshedpur three days with Gayu one and a half years and Nakul, 2 months old.
25:42
SPEAKER_01: And I would cook in the nights, evenings, because there were no hotels then, travelers bangal.
25:48
SPEAKER_01: It was okay, adventurous.
25:50
SPEAKER_00: Being with my husband is always full of adventures, even yeah, great time to the grave find that I've heard that uh your husband actually bought you a lot of jewelry, you guys traveled together.
26:02
SPEAKER_00: Tell us more about that.
26:04
SPEAKER_01: Sounds like I could have got more if I was interested.
26:10
SPEAKER_01: Only I was uh too timid to ask for that, and you know, birthday's eat.
26:14
SPEAKER_01: He was saying he was telling my mother that she's a fool.
26:17
SPEAKER_01: Others I'll be spending on something else.
26:19
SPEAKER_01: At least I could have bought a jewelry.
26:21
SPEAKER_01: She doesn't want it, what to do?
26:24
SPEAKER_01: That's how it was.
26:26
SPEAKER_01: But every time we came from driving down, there was always some adventure.
26:31
SPEAKER_01: Four years I was in Jamchatpur.
26:34
SPEAKER_01: We first there was the blackout of the war.
26:37
SPEAKER_01: I think it's the Bangladesh War.
26:40
SPEAKER_01: And then the next year the refugees came and there was a Hindu-Muslim riots.
26:46
SPEAKER_01: We were right in the middle of it.
26:48
SPEAKER_01: My husband was always outside trying to save people, and you know, and I was literally shivering with Gayu, just a small kid.
26:58
SPEAKER_01: And then the third year we were driving down and he said, You please be in the car, I'll come.
27:04
SPEAKER_01: Just now, he saw some ducks on the pond.
27:08
SPEAKER_01: And for two years he never turned up.
27:10
SPEAKER_01: So has got worried.
27:12
SPEAKER_01: I said, What's happening now?
27:13
SPEAKER_01: And then he comes up, drenched the boat capsized and was got caught in the weeds and trying to come up.
27:20
SPEAKER_01: All sorts of adventures we have gone through.
27:23
SPEAKER_01: He would go shooting, bring ducks and wild boar, and we had to sort it out, distribute the meat, all that thing.
27:31
SPEAKER_01: So life was like that, yeah.
27:33
SPEAKER_01: Full never resented anything though.
27:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
27:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
27:37
SPEAKER_00: So it sounds like your your husband had a plethora of hobbies.
27:41
SPEAKER_00: Uh, you mentioned starting the factory, also, how that was a pretty big decision.
27:45
SPEAKER_00: Um were you pretty involved in the factory?
27:47
SPEAKER_00: Did you have any other like hobbies or obviously the kids took a lot of your time, but what did you focus on?
27:53
SPEAKER_01: Uh I guess hobbies and my focus was more mainly on keeping uh good house, hospitality, and socializing with these guests, you know, just that much throughout till in 79 when the shock came and overnight I everything changed, and then I was had to go to the factory.
28:14
SPEAKER_01: Not that I did much to the factory, it came down, the bank declared, said we'll declare it bankruptcy, and uh and then they said we'll help you rehabilitate because it's your husband's day.
28:27
SPEAKER_01: And we did come up by that.
28:29
SPEAKER_01: My son and my son-in-law joined, and everything worked well.
28:34
SPEAKER_01: Only I held on like uh foundation thing, not allowing the factory to come down, fall down, so that I could at least leave it to my children.
28:44
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
28:45
SPEAKER_01: Not that my I didn't do much anything that way.
28:49
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's and I mean I think you know that happened because something really unexpected, shocking happened.
28:55
SPEAKER_02: Narimama passed away when you were young, when uh kids were young, and but you just handled it and you make light of it.
29:04
SPEAKER_02: But both Gayatri and Lakshmi, Gayu and Achmu, whom we've interviewed, both talked about how that affected them and how you just didn't let it affect them more than it needed to.
29:17
SPEAKER_02: You let you handle like life happened as much as you could like it should.
29:22
SPEAKER_02: And then our mom, uh my grandmother, your mother moved to into Victoria Road, where that's like we all know your house, Victoria Road to go to, where hundreds and millions of us.
29:34
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I'm exaggerating, but pretty much everybody that is home for the longest time.
29:41
SPEAKER_02: That's at the home address everyone gave.
29:45
SPEAKER_01: In fact, you have the I was thinking Arjun might say because uh Arjun, when he was here as a youngster, he would meet so many girls in his parties, and everybody he would give my phone number, then it was the landline.
29:58
SPEAKER_01: I said, Arjun, please stop it.
30:00
SPEAKER_01: I'm fed up of answering all these phone calls.
30:03
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and Arjun Adjanthaya was also one of our guests before.
30:07
SPEAKER_02: So, yes, I mean Yeah, yeah, yeah.
30:09
SPEAKER_01: That's why that's why I mentioned his name.
30:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that was all your case.
30:14
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, your house has been the hub for so many of us.
30:17
SPEAKER_02: Uh, it was a place to have fun, the place to just come and cry on your shoulder.
30:22
SPEAKER_02: And you always had uh good advice.
30:26
SPEAKER_02: I remember one thing you told another cousin and me.
30:29
SPEAKER_02: I don't know if you remember it, but you told us a little after I got married, I know, saying that no matter what, you should know about the finances, it shouldn't be just your husband.
30:41
SPEAKER_02: Both of you should know about it.
30:43
SPEAKER_02: Do you want to talk anything more about that?
30:46
SPEAKER_02: So that for some of our listeners, I feel that's really good advice.
30:49
SPEAKER_02: No, yeah.
30:50
SPEAKER_01: I, you know, I even if it was a joint account or whatever it is, one thing I should thank my husband was that when we were innovating it, he couldn't be here all the time.
31:02
SPEAKER_01: So I was handling the bank uh papers, getting money and all the documents and all that.
31:08
SPEAKER_01: So that way I was well aware of how to writing a check and getting the money out of the bank and you know, going there on my own and uh handling all these things, which I think is uh very essential when I see some of my nieces, even to this day, are finding it difficult to manage.
31:27
SPEAKER_01: Uh, like I wish someday when uh like Ashima's, you know, how she said talks about uh wealth and financial, not just independence, how to knowledge, yeah.
31:43
SPEAKER_01: Knowledge, rather that should be taught, I feel, and every girl should have a profession to fall back on because I didn't have absolutely any knowledge except making uh puddings or chicken curry or cleaning wild boar or amazing though, yeah.
32:02
SPEAKER_01: Apart from that, I know and not think absolutely nothing, and I did drive my learn to drive uh my car, the car, and then every time there was some mishap on the way to Rajajanagar, oh kid and madam is at the wheel, something must have happened.
32:20
SPEAKER_01: So it was uh always there, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, yes, okay.
32:27
SPEAKER_01: But other than that, I think all young girls should have a profession to fall back on and not and know something about how to save for the future, or to be, you know, that is one advice I'd give the boys and the girls to give that much freedom for their women folk, yeah.
32:51
SPEAKER_03: Okay, yeah.
32:52
SPEAKER_02: And you have this unique um ability, it's part of your nature.
32:56
SPEAKER_02: You don't talk a lot about yourself, and also even with the factory, you handled it till Nakul was old enough, till guy that's your son, till Gayu's uh uh husband was uh you know also involved in the factory.
33:09
SPEAKER_02: And when as they came in, you slowly let the reins go.
33:13
SPEAKER_02: And so now your kids, your the spouses of your kids, your grandkids, they're all involved, and it's truly becoming the third generation factory.
33:22
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yes, yes.
33:24
SPEAKER_01: I'm so glad it is that not just stopping with my sad children, and I'm really happy that my grandsons have joined the company and taking it forward.
33:35
SPEAKER_01: And you know, but I with my knowledge, I feel that the parents who know, unless they are professionally qualified, and not to interfere in the running of, you know, when the youngsters come and you know that they are doing a better job, better stay away from giving them too much advice, I think.
33:56
SPEAKER_01: And I think you have that same, sorry.
33:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, tell me.
34:01
SPEAKER_02: And I think uh you have that same relationship with your daughters-in-law and your sons-in-law now.
34:07
SPEAKER_01: Yes, they're all part of my family.
34:10
SPEAKER_01: I consider them as four sons and four daughters.
34:13
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
34:15
SPEAKER_01: So and um and I think they also consider me as their mother only.
34:20
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely.
34:21
SPEAKER_02: I think you have half the village town in Bangalore considering you their buttons, you also keep yourself busy, even though you don't go to the factory anymore.
34:32
SPEAKER_02: You keep yourself busy, you're aware of current events, you're up with everything.
34:37
SPEAKER_02: So tell us more about some of the extracurricular interests or social work because you have helped so so so so many people in this world.
34:47
SPEAKER_01: Not so so so many people, just a few.
34:51
SPEAKER_01: I joined uh, I mean, or rather asked to join an organization called Avake, which was very close to my factory, and it was the Association of Women Entrepreneurs of Karnataka, where we teach the illiterate or the you know people to start set set up their own industries.
35:14
SPEAKER_01: We teach them how to fish, not provide fish for them, sort of.
35:19
SPEAKER_01: And that mission has been very successful, and I was greatly involved in that to travel to villages with the other team, try to give them lectures, even we had our entrepreneurship training programs in there, where the bankers and the government officials were all involved, so that's how we used to keep busy and I, you know, and then I got involved in our ban Sangha, uh our community center, and uh there they said um okay, now you become the you know um ladies' president of uh the ladies' wing, and I was given matrimonial in charge.
36:06
SPEAKER_01: I saw that it was not going down, nothing was given, so then I stopped all that, and we had some uh matrimonial meetings, and I'm glad to say that now it's become one of the major uh activities of Aban Sangha, and a lot of marriages have taken place, are happening.
36:27
SPEAKER_01: And I always thought that you know, people who have burned and abroad and like and who are of a certain social uh strata, below them, the middle class people, the lay girls of them were suffering because they were still the parents wouldn't let them go out, let them meet people, you know.
36:51
SPEAKER_01: So I started this, and it's amazing how after a year or so, how the girls would come and say, I'm doing this, I want a boy like this, like this, like this, like this.
37:03
SPEAKER_01: Wow, yeah, to that level.
37:06
SPEAKER_01: And I'm glad I was able to do that.
37:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's it, nothing much.
37:11
SPEAKER_01: And then I got involved with uh a master's in Urpi in the program for education.
37:19
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I was just donating some laptops and um every year, and this year we I helped them.
37:27
SPEAKER_01: They've built um houses a little more than Hartman's uh for the poor, but who are merit students who have taken donations from them and they provide gas, electricity, and uh you know, nice, lovely houses.
37:44
SPEAKER_01: So I was able to donate for one house uh lovely location, actually.
37:51
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so how do they decide?
37:54
SPEAKER_02: But just to ask more about that, how do they decide who to give those houses to or no no no, they have a big team who visit every house.
38:05
SPEAKER_01: That organization is so good and all do voluntary work, all these retired masters there.
38:11
SPEAKER_01: And two, three people go every day.
38:14
SPEAKER_01: The his work is to go through the list of the donations, the merit students, and see how they are placed, whether they're still living in uh you know the hutments which are broken down, and you know, and they store sit under the light, street light to study, no root toilets, no this, so especially for girls.
38:35
SPEAKER_01: So they take up those places, and now they're on the 101st house they've done now.
38:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
38:44
SPEAKER_01: Very good to see.
38:45
SPEAKER_01: I'm glad, of course.
38:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's all, that's all, nothing more.
38:49
SPEAKER_01: Ma that's okay.
38:51
SPEAKER_00: Um, so so coming a little bit to a conclusion, which has this has been a great episode, um, but very curious about in terms of bun culture, how your perception of bun culture has evolved from when you were a kid versus maybe like middle-aged taking care of your kids to now having this huge family underneath you.
39:12
SPEAKER_00: Um, how is your perception of bun culture?
39:16
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the bun culture is uh Siddhanta.
39:19
SPEAKER_01: I'm glad you answered that.
39:21
SPEAKER_01: My grandsons have been married out of the community, and uh, you know, the two sons married uh didn't marry brands, except my son-in-law, there were Gayus and Lakshmi Sachwas' has been the Buns.
39:37
SPEAKER_01: And uh so the culture influence is a little less in my family, and uh uh but prasana is now very much into the band culture and trying to revive the you know religious side of it, sort of spirit, but uh other than that, I mean I think slowly dying down, you know, the houses are all now, they're trying to revive it.
40:05
SPEAKER_01: But uh unless there are people staying in the villages in these old houses, and elders are also there to guide guide them and all that.
40:16
SPEAKER_01: Other than that, I don't know nothing, not much of uh this thing, really.
40:22
SPEAKER_01: And now to make matters worse, none of my grandchildren can't even speak Tulu properly.
40:27
SPEAKER_01: Well, what am I talking about?
40:29
SPEAKER_01: My Tulu culture, it's I'm I'm we are at fault for not uh, but of course, uh like Rahul said, Ma Gitama next generation they'll say mother tongue English only, not even other language.
40:46
SPEAKER_01: Because you see, even in this interview, we talk only in English.
40:55
SPEAKER_01: Isn't it?
40:56
SPEAKER_00: Um that's very true, Gitami.
41:02
SPEAKER_02: Only thing is, of course, this is a podcast that we want out there.
41:07
SPEAKER_02: So, you know, for not just our band or Tulu-speaking listeners.
41:12
SPEAKER_02: So, but you are right, when we do have functions and things, we do tend to talk more in English.
41:17
SPEAKER_02: And I guess it is our fault that uh not all of us have continued to speak in Tulu or Canada with our kids.
41:24
SPEAKER_02: But uh anything, uh any other thoughts about the Band community, Gitams?
41:30
SPEAKER_01: I would really like to add that that uh I am really proud to be a Bund, and I wouldn't like it like to be born in any other community if the choice is given to me again.
41:45
SPEAKER_01: Because we bands, in whichever situation or whichever part of the world we are in, we'll always make a difference to the others.
41:56
SPEAKER_01: We gel with the crowd, we gel with everything, but still we make our mark.
42:02
SPEAKER_01: If we are down also in the ashes, we do get up like Phoenix and ready to face more challenges and the days to come.
42:15
SPEAKER_01: Nobody can put us down for a long, long time.
42:19
SPEAKER_01: So it's the band tradition or the culture all mixed together, which made it in our genes.
42:27
SPEAKER_01: Any bunt you take is always like that.
42:31
SPEAKER_01: Uh, that is what I feel as a band, we are really, we're really very proud of our uh bunter tradition, culture, whatever you might say, which is unfortunately fading.
42:47
SPEAKER_00: It's true, that's true.
42:49
SPEAKER_00: And then looking back on your life, um curious to see.
42:53
SPEAKER_00: Obviously, first daughter to go and graduate from college, you've gone through these different ups and downs.
42:59
SPEAKER_00: Um and you've really evolved to sort of meet the times where they are, which is truly impressive and pretty rare in a person.
43:07
SPEAKER_00: So looking at you personally, I know that you want to keep downplaying all your skills and everything like that, and um the impact that you have on people.
43:15
SPEAKER_00: But what are some values and traits that you think you have uh developed within yourself through the phases of life that you would want your grandkids, your kids, your great grandkids to take away from you and learn from that?
43:29
SPEAKER_01: I would uh like I would rather like them to be honest with themselves and deal honestly with the others also.
43:39
SPEAKER_01: And uh I would be proud to say that I even if I close my eyes tomorrow, they don't have to pay my debts because I've always believed not to be don't be a borrower if you can't pay back, you know.
43:56
SPEAKER_01: But I would like my the younger generation to go easy with the spending and more, you know, take care of the what is required and be faithful, honest.
44:12
SPEAKER_01: But uh that if they can do that and enjoy life, why not?
44:16
SPEAKER_01: That's not that's uh how it should be, I think so.
44:20
SPEAKER_01: And God fearing, of course, not God fearing in the sense just like uh my son would say, My God is my conscience.
44:29
SPEAKER_01: So if your conscience is clear and honest and you have faith in yourself, nothing will go wrong, I'm sure that.
44:37
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
44:40
SPEAKER_00: That's perfect.
44:41
SPEAKER_00: Nice and simple.
44:42
SPEAKER_00: Good words and wisdom to live by.
44:44
SPEAKER_00: This has been an awesome episode.
44:46
SPEAKER_00: Really enjoyed uh meeting you and uh spending time with you, Dada.
44:50
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
44:52
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
44:52
SPEAKER_01: I hope uh I fitted the role all right.
44:55
SPEAKER_02: Okay, I think you did an amazing job, Gitami, like you always do.
45:00
SPEAKER_02: Uh I was joking with Asho.
45:02
SPEAKER_02: You are probably the one who has seen the most decades, one of our guests who've seen the most decades pre-Indian independence to post-Indian independence, all of that stuff.
45:14
SPEAKER_01: A few uh wars, wars, and uh what is this?
45:19
SPEAKER_01: Everything um racism, everything put into it, everything, yeah.
45:24
SPEAKER_02: But uh have touched so many lives, even though, like Sidan says, you downplay it, and uh, I am just glad that I can uh I have called you mother, and you will be my mother, like thank you, thank you.
45:43
SPEAKER_02: Yes, wish you all the best, and thank you, thank you.
45:48
SPEAKER_02: Keep inspiring people like you always do, that smile, that everything.
45:53
SPEAKER_01: I would like to make a change wherever whoever comes into contact with me change for the better.
46:00
SPEAKER_01: But I don't know how much I've succeeded, that's all I can say.
46:04
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, definitely.
46:06
SPEAKER_02: Thank you, thank you.
46:07
SPEAKER_01: Thanks, uh thanks, Lalu.
46:09
SPEAKER_01: Asidan, thanks.
46:10
SPEAKER_01: Nice talking to you, and hope you do well in your run and the month's time.
46:15
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.