Latest / Dam Parenting / What's actually normal after birth (and what isn't) — pelvic floor physiotherapy in the Netherlands

Transcript

What's actually normal after birth (and what isn't) — pelvic floor physiotherapy in the Netherlands · Dam Parenting

0:02
Hi and welcome back to another episode of Downparenting, your
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English speaking parenting podcast from Amsterdam, the
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Netherlands. As always, we are your host, Eva
0:09
and. Marvin.
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Today, we're talking about that unique journey every mom embarks
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on, from the pregnancy to childbirth and breastfeeding and
0:16
beyond. And these milestones don't just
0:18
change your life. They transform your body in ways
0:21
you might not expect. So those stretch marks, weight
0:24
gain, loose skin, Oh, the breasts as well, Changes in
0:28
shapes and sizes. There are just just a few of the
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powerful reminders of the incredible miracle of bringing
0:34
life into this world. So we're going to celebrate
0:36
those changes, embrace the beauty of the transformation,
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and remind ourselves that motherhood is a journey like no
0:41
other. And today we are delighted to
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have with us a backup from closing confidence.
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We are going to be discussing basically about confidence in
0:49
motherhood because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what
0:52
you wear and it doesn't matter, yeah, how you're presenting
0:55
yourself to the world. It's really how you feel inside
0:57
is what's bringing out your beauty, your glow and, yeah,
1:01
your your true self. We were actually just chatting
1:03
before I hit the record button on this because we were chatting
1:06
about research and the lack of research that we're finding.
1:09
And one of the things that Becca was just saying was, well, first
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of all, hi, Becca. Hi, Becca.
1:14
Nice to have you. Yeah.
1:16
Thank you sitting there. What am I going to jump in?
1:19
Here you are. Yeah.
1:22
So we were talking about research, and what were you
1:24
saying about your research? Yeah, so I was trying to find, I
1:27
mean, I guess I've done my own research and of course talking
1:29
to a lot of new moms, but I was trying to find actual research
1:33
online that kind of yeah, just to see what the general
1:35
consensus was. And I found that it's actually
1:38
not that easy to do because first of all, all the articles
1:41
that come up is from twenty, 20/21/2019.
1:44
And of course, I do think things have changed a lot after corona
1:47
times as well. I think that has definitely
1:49
affected moms a lot as well. So I was looking for more
1:52
current research and was kind of sad to see the there wasn't that
1:55
much that was very recent or that was just kind of about,
1:58
yeah, people who've just had a babies and not some very
2:00
particular niche part. True and one of the things I was
2:04
about to say and then I went no, no, let's record this because
2:07
this is our conversation was one of the elements that I kept on
2:10
finding was confidence is always linked to self esteem in
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motherhood. So that was where a lot of
2:16
parenting stress and self esteem and maternal self efficacy was
2:22
always the link in the confidence research that I
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found. So these are coming from the
2:26
National Institutes of Health. This is coming from even Tilburg
2:29
research portal itself here in the Netherlands.
2:32
And I think I had another one here from Taylor and Francis
2:35
online, the Journal of reproductive in it infant
2:37
psychology, the well-being self esteem and body satisfaction in
2:40
new mothers. And that specific 1 is basically
2:44
discussing the memories of childbirth, the postpartum body
2:47
image and the parenting sense of competence and self esteem,
2:50
especially through those sleep deprived months that we all go
2:53
through and the combined complex relationships they have on our
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mental well-being. And thus their research
2:58
basically was stating that the healthcare professionals should
3:01
be informing mothers about the body changes which will incur
3:04
throughout the postpartum period.
3:05
And to encourage mothers not to be deceived, especially by
3:08
social media and to reduce the stress on themselves.
3:11
And then to stress the importance of realistic
3:13
expectations following giving birth.
3:15
And we've also. Done a whole episode with Elena
3:18
on body image and also when we talked about mattress since the
3:21
book. Of course, this was also a big
3:23
topic. So we thought, all right, there
3:25
is so much the changes for us and there is so much that dims
3:30
our confidence. And we of course need to build
3:33
up our confidence within ourselves.
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But how can we support confidence a little bit from the
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outside when we take a glimpse in the mirror?
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And then how can we support that?
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At least there's something that we look at.
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We think, all right, I might not have my shit together and there
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might be different things that are going sideways right now,
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but at least I can look in the mirror and I can get a glimpse
3:54
of confidence because I'm looking at a strong, empowered
3:57
woman who maybe wears her best colors.
3:59
Because this is one of your main topics when you do advice for
4:04
shopping. And but also this is really the
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thing where you bring in, I think what I've seen in your
4:09
reviews and when I follow you on social media, where people
4:12
really get this extra boost of, hello, this is me.
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OK, I didn't know. I don't have to put on a ton of
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makeup. I don't have to put on all this
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extra glitz and bits, but I can just just the right colors and
4:27
then I can make myself shine and I can make myself look a little
4:31
bit brighter and a little bit more.
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Yeah, glowy and confident and get that confident boost from
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the outside when I might be struggling from the inside and I
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might be struggling a little bit with the rest of my body when I
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look at it. And I don't feel that glow and I
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don't feel that embrace. So how do you get to work with
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your clients and what is like the first thing that they throw
4:52
at you or the biggest thing that they need help with, Especially
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new moms when it comes to dressing, when it comes to
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confidence, what's the journey that they're going through with
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you? OK, well, there's a lot to
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unpack there for sure. Yeah, just said absolutely.
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I think with a lot of just fashion in general, without this
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color things, there's a lot of like kind of hacks that you can
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do. Like it's almost like this fake
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it till you make it situation. Especially as a new mom, if your
5:17
baby is one month, two months, three months, you know, in the
5:19
first year, you don't have a lot of time.
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And I totally understand that you don't have a lot of time,
5:23
You don't have a lot of energy to put in towards yourself.
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So I like to help new moms find these, like, quick and easy kind
5:29
of hacks that they can do to, yeah, help them fake it till
5:32
they make it, basically. And wearing your best colors is
5:35
definitely one of them. But a lot of people have seen it
5:37
on TikTok, on Instagram. And people like, oh, it's just
5:40
some kind of scam, you know, like these colors, like, how can
5:42
it make a difference? But of course, having worked
5:45
with all these clients and seeing it, you know, I just had
5:47
a session actually from 9:30 to 10:30.
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So I just literally saw it right in front of my eyes again.
5:53
It really is crazy. What a difference wearing the
5:55
right colors can make for your skin and just for how you feel.
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A lot of my clients say that when they're in their best
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colors, it feels like they're wearing makeup without putting
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makeup on, which is great because your lips will take on a
6:05
nice bright color. Your under eyes will look like
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kind of as even as they possibly can.
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And yeah, everything just feels a bit glowy.
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And it's really cool that wearing the right colors can do
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that. And it's a quick way to just
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grab something, put it on, not do your makeup, but still feel a
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bit more. Yeah, I don't know, a bit more
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like you're kind of vibrating a little bit, like a bit more like
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you're glowing. So when new moms come to me, the
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colors is definitely one place to start.
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But a lot of them actually come to me for the Shop with me
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experience because your body changes obviously so much and
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what you need out of your clothes also change so much as a
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new mom. I know for me, even I have two
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little boys. Before that I wore dresses all
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the time, almost exclusively. But of course, for
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breastfeeding, a lot of dresses do not work if you can't access
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your boobs easily. And if you're sitting on the
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floor with your kids all the time, then dresses become a lot
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more annoying. Also playing on the playground,
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climbing after your kids, not trying to flash people.
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So what I needed in my clothes changed a lot as a mom.
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And of course, I see that with most moms too.
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You need things that where you can access your boobs easily.
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You wear a lot more pants because you're running after
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kids, you're on the floor a lot more.
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So people kind of are forced a little bit to kind of completely
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change some of the main aspects they may have been shopping on
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before. And of course, that's not even
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to say that now you're dressing your body, which looks
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completely different than it did one year ago.
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And that already presents its own challenges without also
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needing to accommodate different things, different functions that
7:30
you're doing on a day-to-day basis.
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So yeah, the your best color is a good place to start.
7:34
The closet review to get rid of these clothes that don't fit you
7:37
anymore or shopping. Those are all things that I do a
7:40
lot with new moms and that I feel like they get a lot of
7:43
value out of because it really is embracing this new person and
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finding the best clothes that fit who you are physically but
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also mentally. And going on this whole journey
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of really letting go of this whole I need to go back to this
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and I need to squeeze myself into this image of myself, not
8:02
only the the size of my former self, but also of this image.
8:05
Like you said, you used to like dresses.
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And then all of a sudden you realize, oh, wait a minute, this
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doesn't work anymore. So what am I supposed to do now?
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So because you never in the past really had to drastically change
8:17
anything about your appearance if unless you really wanted to
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and you said, oh, now it's time for a new look.
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Really now It's OK, I have 2 otherwise I'm putting another
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layer of stress on myself when I'm not wearing the right
8:29
clothes or I'm not, I'm not feeling good and really letting
8:32
go. And I remember when we read the
8:34
book Matressons, there was this little note where women I think
8:38
it was in was it Korea even remind me where they said you
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put a pair of jeans that fits like a 2 sizes smaller and this
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is your motivation to get back into.
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I was like, what is going on? Really like how how horrible is
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this? So, so really finding that new
8:56
identity and accepting your new body and also be open to change.
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I mean, like you said, when you've had a baby two months
9:04
ago, three months ago, your body is drastically different, but it
9:07
doesn't mean that it's going to change back.
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So you also need something that then evolves with you, grows
9:12
with you back and forth and that you don't, it's not always this
9:16
whole transition period. OK, now I have another
9:18
transition and now I have another transition.
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But finally, like where can I land in my new spot and where
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can I really be confident and comfortable at the same time
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with my new identity? And how can I really invent
9:30
myself new? I guess this is also what comes
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with with your work then, where people realize I am allowed now
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to completely reinvent myself. Yeah.
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And see it as a chance instead of a burden or a challenge.
9:44
Absolutely. It can be a fun time because the
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reality is a lot of us, if you stay more or less the same size
9:50
from like college, let's say, a lot of times you carry those
9:53
like college and like first job after college clothes with you
9:56
until maybe this point till you become a mom.
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And it is like a good time to actually fully look into your
10:02
closet and be like, wait, does this fit me physically?
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But indeed, does this fit like the person I am now?
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Because I bought this 10 years ago and I was like, you know, 21
10:09
years old and I wore it out all the time.
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And now like, I don't feel like I need this kind of item in my
10:15
life, you know. So like you said, it is a good
10:17
time to fully reinvent and kind of get that like more slightly
10:21
more mature wardrobe. Like I do believe that you can
10:23
wear anything, any age for sure. But sometimes we want to present
10:27
ourselves a little differently. The older we get, we want maybe
10:30
different words come in, you know, like I always ask my
10:32
clients to think about like the three words they want people to
10:36
know about them just but when they look at them, because the
10:39
reality is, as much as you love to say, don't judge a book by
10:41
its cover, people do that, of course, all the time.
10:43
And so when someone meets you, they will infer things about
10:46
you. So for me, I want people to know
10:48
that I'm fun, that I'm bold and that I'm girly.
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You know, those are my feminine, let's say, those are my things I
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want people to know. And I feel like most of the
10:57
things I wear, you really do get that in the first kind of feel.
11:00
And that's definitely changed. Like, I'm sure, I don't know, I
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don't even know what it would have been at 20, but it probably
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wouldn't have been like bold or feminine necessarily.
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So those words change, which is why then our style needs to
11:10
change to, you know, accommodate it.
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And indeed, being this new mom and finding yourself in a
11:15
completely different headspace than you were when you bought a
11:17
lot of your other clothes, it's a great time to really think
11:20
about what you want your style to represent for you.
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And then to kind of go for that, you know, and like to really
11:26
make that pivot. It's a perfect time to do it.
11:28
That's also so important. Just one, one note on this where
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when you were talking. But first of all, I love this
11:34
idea. What are the three words that I
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want people to to think when they look at me?
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Because usually we come from the other side.
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OK, what are three words what you think people should perceive
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you as like from your personality?
11:45
Like she's talkative, she's curious or whatever.
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And but this is a great, great thing and I really want to do
11:51
this exercise after we talk. But also one thing that into my
11:55
mind is that this whole period when you become a mom is
11:58
everything is about the baby. And you kind of even want to
12:01
like disappear and you feel like you are disappearing because
12:05
your meats are not mad. You don't have any.
12:07
Like you don't you don't dictate anything because everything
12:10
evolves around this baby. And also everyone's attention is
12:13
on that baby And you kind of like, all right, have IA right
12:17
to exist, but not only to exist, but to be noticed and to take up
12:21
the space and know this is the baby.
12:23
I made that baby right. You all find that baby so cute,
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but I'm responsible for this girl.
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Can I get some price here too? Can I get some attention?
12:30
Or can I get your Yeah your confidence boost back to me as
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well? Yeah, Ava, sorry.
12:36
Did you want to say something? I was just trying to figure out
12:39
when you're talking about the beliefs, what would be the, the
12:42
common beliefs that you have with people that they might hold
12:44
with the restrictions that mothers carry with them when
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they're looking at their word or bar their appearance when when
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they're actually talking with you.
12:51
Because you're saying about how the three words, which again,
12:54
is, is a great thing to start with.
12:56
So it's a case of it's interesting that you're saying
12:59
people change and of course we all change, especially I was
13:01
going to say generation to generation, but like every five
13:03
years or 10 years or through a life experience, even through
13:06
jobs. Yeah.
13:07
What will be the most common beliefs or restrictions that a
13:09
mom then is then going to hold? Yeah, that's a, that's
13:13
definitely a really good question.
13:14
I mean, I think sometimes moms feel like, oh, now that I'm a
13:18
mom, I need my wardrobe to be really like fancy or really
13:21
elevated or something. And so because I have a bit of a
13:24
psychology background as well, we kind of go into like, well,
13:27
where is this really coming from?
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Like, do you like this item? Yeah.
13:30
But I feel like I can't wear it as a mom.
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Why? You know what I mean?
13:33
Like, if you like it and you feel good in it, if it's you,
13:36
great. Like, what's the problem?
13:37
But sometimes we do have this idea in our head the other way
13:41
that, oh, now that I'm a mom, I have to present a certain level,
13:43
like sophisticated all the time. Like, oh, I can't wear a crop
13:46
top and have a tiny bit of like my tummy showing because I'm a
13:49
mom now. And I try to steer people away
13:51
from that as well, because just because you are a mom, it
13:54
doesn't mean that that has to be your whole identity and that
13:56
your clothes have to be a certain level of of elevated.
13:59
If that's what you want, If you want to look more businessy and
14:01
professional, great. But not because you're a mom,
14:03
because that's how you want to dress, you know, So I try to
14:06
help new moms really identify what they actually want, not
14:10
because they're a mom, not because they work wherever, but
14:12
what they as a person want to kind of show about them
14:16
unrelated to being a mom or being a professional
14:19
businesswoman or whatever, you know, in their day-to-day life.
14:22
So I think the limiting beliefs sometimes are that, OK, now I
14:25
need to step it up. I need to wear age appropriate
14:28
things more so as a mother, whereas I don't think that's the
14:31
case. I think if something's making
14:32
you happy, if it looks great on you, if you feel good in it,
14:35
Like for me, this feeling good is really the core of my
14:39
company. I want people to look good and
14:41
feel good. And I really do believe that
14:43
that goes together no matter what, like the noise or the
14:46
general media is saying moms like should or shouldn't be
14:49
wearing. You know, that's my kind of
14:50
opinion on it. One of the things that I did
14:53
find like on a bit of we were doing a bit of research to talk
14:56
about this was that like, obviously clothing is like very
14:59
powerful and it's a nonverbal communication.
15:01
Like you say, like people do perceive you and it's they're
15:04
judging you that way without meaning to.
15:06
Like it's just a subconscious thing that we all do.
15:08
Some of the research shows that clothing can actually influence
15:11
the way others are perceiving us.
15:12
So some studies have shown, for example, that the teachers
15:14
assistants who dress more formally are perceived as more
15:17
intelligence and a woman who dresses masculine way for job
15:21
interviews are more likely to get hired to managerial roles,
15:24
for example, in banking and marketing.
15:26
And there was research that shows that when women are
15:29
stressed, they wear fewer of their clothes.
15:33
So they're neglecting as much as nearly 90% of their wardrobe.
15:36
So they're going to like consistent staples of I'm going
15:40
to gas sweatpants, tracksuit, bottom legs like leggings,
15:45
jumpers, you know, this kind of stuff.
15:46
It's one of those things that, yeah, I mean, I, we were just
15:49
saying beforehand, myself and Myron just bought our winter
15:52
jackets just by perchance, like this weekend, I bought a black
15:56
jacket and I came home and I was just kind of like, OK, great.
15:58
And then The thing is with my daughter is like, I'm like, oh,
16:01
you've got to be kitted out in safety colors.
16:03
Like I need you to be bride, I want you whatever.
16:06
And then I looked at myself and I'm like, I'm the one cycling
16:08
her. And so now I'm thinking I'm
16:09
gonna have to start like putting on reflective stuff on my jacket
16:12
I've just spent a fortune on. I'm thinking, what is that?
16:14
But it's also because it's a staple that I always return to
16:17
black because this has been my consistent color for over 3
16:21
decades now at this stage. And it's just, it's, it's a safe
16:24
thing. And it's just this thing that
16:26
they're saying that like when women are stressed, they wear
16:28
fewer clothing, neglected as much as 90% of their wardrobe.
16:31
I'd be ashamed for you to come into my wardrobe and look at me
16:34
and go seriously. And I'm like, yeah, I don't wear
16:36
any of them. I have clothes that are like,
16:38
some of them are 20 years old. And to me, they're my staple.
16:41
And I'm just keep returning to them.
16:42
And then the other ones that I'm looking at, I'm like, I would
16:44
like to wear them but I don't. Yeah, and that that's a very
16:48
common thing with. I mean, I just had a closet
16:50
review on Saturday and that was exactly it.
16:53
You know, it was a mom, She has two kids.
16:56
She's like, I have not worn any of this in so long.
16:59
So we got it. We got everything out.
17:01
We made some new outfits. We got rid of a lot of things
17:03
that have like served her for indeed 20 years.
17:06
But the thing too is as a mom, especially a new mom or just mom
17:09
in general, you have decision fatigue really easily, right,
17:12
because you're making so many decisions for your kids.
17:14
So that's why I really believe that everyone's wardrobe should
17:18
be not as minimal as possible, but like you should have things
17:21
in it that you love and only things in it that you love
17:24
because all the other stuff is just taking up noise and space
17:27
in your head. And indeed, you see a closet ram
17:29
full of stuff. You're like, ah, forget it.
17:31
And you just grab that one shirt that you always wear for sure.
17:34
Whereas if you see a closet with 25% or 30% of the stuff instead
17:38
of the full thing, it's a lot easier to actually see every
17:41
item. So it is true that most people
17:43
wear, I would say most people in general wear wear about 20% of
17:47
their closet new moms, it is probably about 5 or 10%.
17:51
And simply just because that headspace is not there to dig
17:54
through and make these amazing outfits.
17:56
So that's why during the closet review, for example, when we
17:58
pull everything out, we make a yes, maybe or no pile.
18:01
And then we go through all the no's.
18:03
We don't look at the maybes, we go through them.
18:05
And once we have your final yes pile, we make all these outfits
18:08
so that you can actually see what to wear it with, what it
18:12
is, put it back on again, feel it and get excited about it
18:15
again, you know, and also I always take pictures during the
18:18
process because one thing I find very helpful that a lot of my
18:20
clients do, I send this little style file with pictures.
18:23
They print it out they have in their closet, they can just open
18:26
it and like, I'm going to wear that today.
18:28
Oh, I'm going to wear that. Or they keep the album on their
18:30
phone and they can swipe through like, OK, that looks good.
18:32
Because again, when you don't have that much headspace, making
18:35
a new outfit or getting creative, no one wants to do
18:38
that at like 7:00 AM while your baby's crying, obviously, right.
18:41
So having less items in your wardrobe so that you can
18:44
actually just grab something quick, but that still looks good
18:47
and that you still feel great in is absolutely what I would
18:49
recommend for new moms, though it's not always easy to do when
18:52
you have a baby. That's why someone coming to
18:54
help you dedicating 3 hours is easier than like try I'm going
18:57
to work on my closet. You know, we all say that and
19:00
then it just never happens and we don't do it.
19:02
So that's why sometimes it can be helpful to book a session
19:05
with someone so you are forced to do it in that one time frame,
19:08
you know? When you're talking about the,
19:09
it's not minimalistic, but when you're talking about reduced
19:12
selection, it does remind me that there is.
19:15
I think she's a marketer or an editor in America.
19:18
And for the last, I think 1520 years, she only has black and
19:22
white clothes for work. So it could be a white, black
19:25
trousers, whatever, a dress, whatever.
19:26
But she only wears black and white and she keeps it minimal
19:29
because she's like the choice decision of that process, like
19:32
you say for new moms, like every morning is just so overwhelming.
19:35
She's like, I don't have to choose the color.
19:37
I don't want to. So she invests in very good
19:39
quality clothing and she only has like a selection and she's
19:43
like, she's got something for everything.
19:44
It doesn't always look the same, but it's a classic black and
19:47
white. And I remember hearing that
19:48
thinking like that's freaking ingenious because I don't know
19:51
how many times I've taken on and off clothes going, well, this
19:53
doesn't work. This isn't fit my mood and black
19:55
is definitely my color and I can just throw in a hint of like
19:59
white every once in a while. I thought that was a great idea,
20:02
which sometimes can help people. But the other thing I wanted to
20:05
address was the phenomenon of the enclosed cognition, which is
20:09
kind of like you were saying, fake it till you make it, which
20:12
is basically a research, but it hasn't been actually.
20:15
It's been failed to replicate, but it's just something that I
20:17
think most people have heard of, which is the lab coach
20:20
experiment, which is when you put a lab coat on, you do an
20:23
exam, you make half. As few errors as you
20:25
privilegedly would have because you have this conception of
20:28
yourself, of what you're wearing makes you.
20:31
And so that was the other thing I wanted to ask you was, like
20:34
Myron said in the book, major sense, where people are putting
20:37
on jeans 2 sizes too small because it's kind of like, you
20:39
know, get your goal for it or whatever.
20:41
Is there something more realistic?
20:42
Yeah. That we can give to ourselves to
20:44
say, wear this with the belief like, you know, that this really
20:48
is making you like you know. So it's a case of when you put
20:51
it on, it's going to make you feel good.
20:53
No, I mean, they're definitely I would absolutely not advise to
20:56
wear things 2 sizes too small, like, oh, this will help me get
20:59
there. Like no, no, no, that is you
21:01
should not do that. You should be buying stuff that
21:03
fits you at where you are now. Just like you wouldn't make your
21:06
one month old baby wear 12 month old clothes because they'll get
21:08
there eventually, right? No, no, no, you dress your baby
21:11
for where they are now. You need to dress your body for
21:13
where you are now and give yourself grace to get wherever
21:16
you're going or to stay there. Whatever works for you.
21:18
But what I do think you can do, I think like again, this fake it
21:22
till you make it. It's also called dopamine
21:23
dressing. Don't know if you have heard
21:25
that term, but dopamine dressing has been in the spotlight a
21:27
little bit lately. And it really is a real thing
21:30
that when you put on clothes that you feel good and you get
21:32
dopamine shots to the brain. So I think that is something
21:35
that kind of pertains to what you're saying is that like if I
21:38
feel like I'm getting a little sick, I honestly go and put on a
21:40
better outfit because having an outfit that I feel even better
21:44
in, like an extra good outfit makes me feel better throughout
21:47
the day. Because the reality is you catch
21:49
the mirror, you walk past the window that's a little
21:50
reflective. You're like, OK, there she is.
21:53
I see her. So it's not even about it being
21:56
the most stylish, what most comfortable thing, whatever it's
21:58
about just something that, you know, you look hot in, you know,
22:01
and I think being a new mom feeling, you know, being on the
22:04
couch with your baby all day, boobs out, milk everywhere,
22:07
feeling hot is not something that new moms get to feel that
22:10
often. So when we put dresses, not
22:12
dresses, but like outfits on it can be a dress can be whatever
22:16
you feel like you feel really hot in that does something to
22:19
the brain that sends those sensors like look, you're still
22:21
got it, you're looking great. And it helps us fake it till we
22:24
make it process. So that's why like getting out
22:27
of the the leggings, out of the sweatpants for just a little bit
22:30
one day, a few hours even. I understand that comfort is
22:33
essential with a new baby, but also feel.
22:35
An old baby. An old baby, yeah, but also
22:39
feeling like you are a hot person, not even hot Mama.
22:42
Hot person is also essential as a woman, you know, to just feel
22:46
like, yeah, I still got it. You know, I might be a milk
22:48
factory, but I am a hot milk factory.
22:51
You know what I mean? A hot milk factory that does not
22:54
sound appetizing. I like my milk coal, that's all
22:58
I'll say. People love more milk.
23:00
I know, I know. I do want to talk about color
23:03
psychology because that's something most of us will know
23:05
through business because of web designs and whatnot.
23:08
There was a study in 2004 by Naz Kea and Helen E IPS and they
23:12
were talking about the patterns of color so that they were
23:15
finding things like colors like Reds and black or more commonly
23:18
associated with negative feelings.
23:20
Go figure. Well, colors like blue and green
23:22
are obviously calm and happiness because they're found in nature.
23:25
And then obviously the yellow green color is not very
23:29
preferred because it's usually associated with vomit and sick.
23:32
Sorry if anyone's eating right now.
23:33
They also take into consideration cultural aspects.
23:36
So for example, the color red is very lucky in China.
23:39
They also have in, I think it's Nigeria, it's an unlucky color.
23:44
So The thing is there's also that effect of where you're
23:46
coming from as well. And then also there's always the
23:48
color associations change. Like, we all know that babies
23:51
were pink and girls were blue, I think 100 years ago.
23:54
And then that changed because of someone who gave birth and it
23:57
was a different gender. And so they just then went,
23:59
well, this is what it is now. The one thing I wanted to ask
24:02
you was, like, there was a study in 1994 as well, which basically
24:06
was associating that light colors are more frequently
24:09
associated with positive emotions like happiness and
24:13
excitement. Is that something you recommend
24:15
to your clients? Because when you do the color
24:17
charts, are you kind of not pushing them?
24:19
But are you kind of saying look at the colors, let's go for the
24:23
light colors more? Oh no, I'm not pushing them in
24:27
terms of that because that's not your best colors are about the
24:30
colors that work best with your features and your skin tone.
24:33
It's not about like what's going to necessarily make you like
24:35
mentally happiest, like just by looking at the colors.
24:38
So it all is a bit based off of the contrast that you have
24:41
between your features. So you, for example, I think
24:44
your eyes are blue. If I see correctly, you have
24:46
lighter hair, lighter eyes, lighter skin, right?
24:50
So for you, colors that have lower saturation, which is not
24:53
black, are probably going to be a bit better because, yeah,
24:58
because they allow you to still be the highlight, like, if that
25:03
makes sense. Like if you have lower contrast
25:05
in your features, but you have very dark, very highly saturated
25:08
colors on. For the most part, the colors
25:10
can kind of like take over a little bit.
25:12
Because I always say to someone when we when you're wearing an
25:15
outfit, you want the person to see your face glowing first and
25:17
then to see the colors like one second after.
25:19
But it's easy to wear colors that overwhelm us and we see
25:22
first and then you're like, Oh, that person has a face.
25:24
I was just looking at the colors.
25:26
So it's not really about like what color is going to make you
25:29
happy. It's about what color is going
25:30
to allow you to be the star of like your outfit.
25:33
And also what colors are going to allow your face to like be
25:37
its best self, Like I said, without, without makeup.
25:39
And that can be that if you're way, if you have a cool
25:41
undertone, for example, and you're wearing warm colors that
25:44
can put like a yellow into your skin and make you look a little
25:46
bit like sicker. I think we've all had this
25:48
number. You have something on.
25:48
You're like, what is like what's happening with this?
25:50
Like something's off. And it can be the color it's
25:52
putting into your skin. Can I just put a point in that
25:55
My school uniform was brown and I was constantly asked if I was
25:59
sick by every teacher. Exactly.
26:01
So that could be. That's what I was going to say.
26:03
If you have a cool undertone and you have something warm on, then
26:06
yeah, it puts the yellow into your skin.
26:07
And the other way, if you have a warm undertone, you have cool
26:09
on, it puts blue or Gray into your skin.
26:11
So you can get some like kind of crazy colors going on without
26:14
really realizing it, though a lot of times we do realize it a
26:18
little bit sometimes people, yeah, like I said, everyone has
26:20
that one outfit or that one color.
26:22
They they put on and they were like, Oh my gosh.
26:23
So for you, it's brown. You know, for example, maybe you
26:26
have a cool undertone and not put a lot of warmth into your
26:28
skin, which it can flood it with yellow or with Gray.
26:31
And that's how people were like, oh, like, what are you sick?
26:34
You know, I hate that when someone asks you, are you
26:35
feeling OK? You're like, yeah, I'm fine.
26:37
And then you're like, oh, it's OK.
26:39
It's what I'm wearing. Great.
26:40
Interesting. Thanks for the compliment.
26:44
So it's more about that when we're doing the color palette,
26:47
it's not about light colors or dark colors.
26:49
It's about what colors match you and your features and the
26:51
contrast in your skin and then seeing how that reflects onto
26:54
your face. So it's more about the colors
26:56
you wear close to your face as well as the bottoms don't really
26:59
affect it. You know what I mean?
27:00
So so far, every client I've had has really been able to see a
27:03
big difference in their skin when they're wearing especially
27:06
one side to the other. If you're cool and you're
27:08
wearing warm, vice versa. But even wearing these higher
27:11
intensity colors or lower intensity colors, it can make a
27:14
big difference about where the focus is.
27:15
And again, we want the focus and we deserve the focus to be on
27:18
our beautiful faces and not on this color that can be
27:21
swallowing us, making us look a bit, a bit I'll, which we don't
27:24
want. So that's yeah, it's not, it's
27:26
not the typical color psychology in that way.
27:28
Every drape has a range of colors.
27:30
So they will all have some lighter, some darker, some yeah,
27:33
some not warmer or cooler because that's about the side,
27:36
but some more intense, some less intense.
27:37
There's always a range of 12 colors on each drape.
27:40
And within that, of course as well, people can pick the ones
27:42
they like best, the ones that make them personally happiness,
27:45
but just at the right saturation, at the right warmth
27:48
and at the right brightness for them basically to make their
27:50
features shine. So I can still stick with my
27:53
black pants, OK? Absolutely, black pants on
27:55
bottom is gonna be great, but on top just play with some lighter
27:59
colors and see if your skin shines more or not.
28:02
You know, everyone thinks black is their color and the reality
28:05
is it's good for about like 20% of people out there and it's too
28:09
cool or it's too heavy or it's too dark for the other 75%.
28:13
I know it feels safe for a lot of people, but there actually
28:16
may be colors out there that you like feel even better in once
28:19
you see them, but you don't know till you.
28:21
I don't think that's possible from anything but black.
28:24
I do know Myron does have a question about I was talking
28:27
about my black bottoms, but let's talk about Myron and
28:30
underwear. Oh yes, talk about being a hot
28:32
Mama, I thought. Yes, and one thing that is so
28:36
essential for me and I used to work in a shop that also sold
28:40
wear and I could see the immediate change in attitude and
28:45
confidence and self perception when a woman finally wears the
28:49
right bra size, first of all, but then also the right style
28:54
for them. And they felt like women
28:57
warriors like they were so empowered and even and the
29:01
funniest thing really, and this is so impressive to me.
29:04
I've had client come in and then she undressed and under there I
29:08
can tell you there was some hot stuff going on.
29:10
Like she was completely decked out.
29:12
Her underwear was on point. She was shopping like the finest
29:16
sexiest stuff and then she was covering herself, but she was
29:19
walking with confidence with right like she was head high
29:24
like completely. You could see the confident
29:26
boost that she knows I'm wearing this under and no one sees it,
29:30
but I know that I'm hot as fuck under there.
29:33
She really you could feel the energy from her radiant after
29:37
even when she walked out. And this is so crucial.
29:40
I think when you become a new mom and like you sit there,
29:43
everything is fucking leaking. Everything is just a BLOB.
29:46
And then it's fine for the first couple months, I guess.
29:49
But then the thing that I see with women is that years after
29:54
they have stopped breastfeeding, they they still wear their
29:56
breastfeeding bras. They still wear their underwear.
29:58
They still wear all this thing. And then this is the first thing
30:01
they see when they dress themselves in the mornings.
30:03
Like, all right, let's cover this schlub up.
30:05
You can just call me by my name, Marin.
30:07
You don't have to say some women.
30:09
It's fine. I've been in this bra as well.
30:12
I really like. At one point I looked at this
30:15
freaking nursing bra and I was like done with you.
30:17
I am done. And I, I also remember the first
30:19
time when I was pregnant, thought, all right, it's time
30:21
for new underwear. And I went into the bra shop and
30:23
they were so ugly. And I'm really like, I love a
30:27
good underwear and I love a sexy twist and I love all that.
30:30
And I was looking at myself and I was like, all right, here we
30:33
are now this, this chapter of my life is starting.
30:36
And I literally, I went out after into some random accessory
30:40
store to buy some home decoration because I thought now
30:43
I need something nice to buy because this shopping of
30:46
freaking underwear was like horror for me.
30:49
I need something that brightens up my mood.
30:51
So this whole underwear topic, yeah.
30:53
What is your experience with this when you have closet
30:56
consultations and dressing? For sure, the fake it till we
31:00
make it does start with the underwear as well.
31:03
For sure. And I think like you said, I
31:05
mean boobs change so much during pregnancy.
31:07
So yeah, having the baby, breastfeeding and after, I mean,
31:10
for me, I went from AD to an F to now I'm an A.
31:13
It's shocking. Same here.
31:18
Talking Oh my gosh, you understand, I think you and me
31:21
also had quite a lot of like weight loss after this.
31:24
Well, but like to be AD your whole life and then go to an
31:27
app, they go to an A It's absolutely.
31:28
I could hold them in like 1 little hand.
31:30
Now I'm like, where are you? It's a new definition of a
31:33
handful. It's like not.
31:35
Anyways, so underwear bras for me have been a big thing as I
31:39
threw out all my beautiful Victoria's Secret D bras and now
31:44
I'm replacing them with A. I'm like, if it's going to be an
31:46
A, we're going to have A, A bra that supports me and that does
31:50
something that feels good. You know, you never know what
31:53
you're going to get. It's like rolling the dice
31:54
basically when you're pregnant and breastfeeding, you don't
31:56
know what your boobs are going to end up like afterwards.
31:59
But what you can know is that in a great bra, they will still
32:02
look good. That's what bras are for.
32:04
So starting with the bra that you feel good in, that gives you
32:07
the amount of support you need that just makes you feel pretty
32:10
and the matching underwear to match if you can, or even just a
32:13
nice pair of underwear that don't look like your grandma's
32:16
underwear. That can be really helpful for
32:18
sure if you want to wear you feel more comfortable and like,
32:22
you know, like I, I'm a thong girl personally, I don't mind
32:25
saying that a Lacy thong for me just really does it.
32:27
I get that's not for everyone and it is personal preference.
32:31
But even if you want more full coverage, you can still go with
32:33
something that feels a little sexier, you know, a little like
32:36
just again, like like you said, kind of having the secret that
32:38
you're doing it for you, I guess maybe your husband too if you
32:42
want, but really it's for you. Let's be real.
32:43
It's like when I put my sexy underwear and bra on, it's for
32:46
me to start the of your outfit, like, OK, I'm here and I, I,
32:51
yeah, I doesn't matter what I have on top as much.
32:53
I know that I have this just for me.
32:55
And then you can like start from there.
32:57
I also think it's really nice to paint on where you are to have a
32:59
more supportive pair of underwear sometimes too, like
33:02
some like, you know, like I am in kind of actually the best
33:05
shape of my life, but this Mama pooch, it's just still there
33:08
because I grew a baby and I still have skin there.
33:10
So sometimes depend if I if I want to wear something tighter,
33:13
I have some supportive underwear that kind of smooths a little
33:16
bit. And I think like no matter what,
33:18
how old you are, you shouldn't be afraid to embrace that too.
33:21
Because I kind of always thought in my head, well, that's for
33:23
like older people, Like I don't need supportive underwear.
33:26
And then I had kids and I'm like, oh, supportive underwear
33:28
can be nice too for under like a sleek dress or whatever you want
33:32
that you need that like. So don't be afraid to kind of
33:34
have both, you know, have the sexy underwear for moments where
33:37
you need confidence and moments where you feel like you want a
33:39
bit more support, have the supportive underwear too.
33:42
And just, yeah, I think you can honestly do both and you should
33:45
kind of, yeah, just wear whatever you need with that
33:48
outfit on that day based on how you're feeling.
33:50
But make sure you the sexy underwear is there too for those
33:53
confidence boost moments, you know?
33:55
When we talk about loose skin, I want to jump in with my own
33:58
thing. So I've lost a lot of weight
34:00
since I've given birth and I still have and I've been through
34:04
many many, many weight loss and gaining journey throughout my
34:08
whole life. So my skin and on top of this, I
34:10
don't have the best skin structure so I just have a lot
34:14
of loose skin. The good thing is that I'm fully
34:16
covered in tattoos, so I'm not able to really like cut off any
34:20
skin because then everything else would be ruined.
34:22
So what I'm basically living with is a lot of loose skin and
34:25
especially on my arms and also on my belly.
34:28
And now I work out a lot and I do have a lot of muscles and I
34:31
am toned. And when I stand right and I
34:34
flex right and I hold my skin tight and I can see them and I
34:37
always wish I just one time like want to see it how it really is
34:43
underneath all that skin. And I have bought myself a body
34:47
like a long arm, arms and like full coverage and it's really
34:50
nice tight material. And I put this thing on and I
34:52
was like, Oh my God, this is my body.
34:55
Like really, because everything was just tucked in and all the
34:58
skin was just compact and you could see my arm muscles too.
35:01
I could really see myself. And I, I looked in the mirror
35:04
and I started crying because I was like, there she is.
35:07
There is this woman that now is like, this is how I look under
35:11
all what's left of my body's journey.
35:14
And I love my body and I'm proud of it.
35:15
And when I'm working out and I'm not covered and there's floppy
35:18
skin everywhere, but sometimes I just also want to look at the
35:22
results of the work that I've put in and the journey I've
35:25
come. And this one body thing when I
35:27
have a really, like, when I just want to have this boost of
35:29
confidence, I put this thing on and stand like 5 minutes and I'm
35:32
like looking at myself from every angle.
35:34
And I'm taking cute pictures. And I also have a bikini that I
35:37
do this in with. And I'm like, OK, now I know
35:40
what I'm doing this for. I know the work is paying off
35:42
now. Like I feel myself.
35:44
And this is so important. Yeah.
35:46
Yeah, exactly. So that's indeed the same thing.
35:49
I think like I've lost like 23 kilos, 25 kilos since I had kids
35:54
and stuff. And your body changes and it's
35:56
great, but it is not like it's still when you you want to be in
35:59
a certain place and you feel like you're close to there but
36:01
not there. These little things can like
36:03
kind of help, just help you see, I don't know what you've, what
36:06
you've been working for or also even just make you feel better
36:09
in general because bodies are amazing, wonderful things.
36:12
But yeah, sometimes a little help with a pair of underwear or
36:15
a special body suit or whatever, if that gets you, helps you feel
36:18
confident, then that's for you. Right?
36:20
Like India, I don't think we should be afraid to embrace
36:23
anything that makes us feel better.
36:25
Literally anything like as moms, as women, anything that's making
36:28
us feel better about ourselves, about, like, what we're doing.
36:31
Like go for it. And don't feel, you know,
36:33
ashamed to be pursuing things that make you feel good,
36:37
basically make you feel your best, like you're looking your
36:39
best, you know, as well. I guess we're gonna wrap it up
36:42
here. Thank you so much for joining
36:43
us, Becca. This has been, Yeah, really
36:45
interesting to hear about the different aspects of confidence
36:49
and the different levels that they are.
36:51
And it's also great to hear you guys also being so upfront and
36:54
me and my black withering away negative self into the corner
36:59
here. Everyone is going through this
37:01
journey in whatever way they're going through.
37:03
And if you're in your sweatpants right now or your leggings or
37:06
your comfy pants or whatever it is, I'm with you.
37:08
I don't know about these ladies. Becca does look very fantastic
37:11
here. She looks like she's probably
37:12
wearing a dress, actually, in fairness.
37:13
But yeah, I'm with you. So you know that there's someone
37:16
out there. I'm with you, my comfy clothes,
37:18
because you know what, it's also the weather, it's the weather
37:22
and you know, with this festive season coming upon us as well,
37:24
there is a lot more Reds and greens and goals that are going
37:29
to be shimmering and it's good to know that we just need to
37:31
wear them on top. Yeah, exactly.
37:33
Just close to your face, if it's the right colors for you, there
37:36
you go. For your mom, just remember in
37:38
terms of fashion to feel, put on clothes that are making you feel
37:42
good, whatever that looks like for you, make sure that you're
37:45
looking in the mirror and you're just feeling good because you,
37:47
you are an amazing woman on top of a mom, but you are a
37:51
beautiful woman who deserves to feel beautiful as well.
37:54
So fine clothes that make you feel like that.
37:56
And yeah, don't forget that you are still important too, just as
37:59
the baby's important. And you put your baby in cute
38:01
clothes, put yourself in some cute clothes you feel good in.
38:04
And yeah, don't forget that you're still your own person,
38:07
right? That you still need to dress
38:08
yourself and take care of yourself and be nice to
38:10
yourself. Yeah, exactly.
38:12
Be nice to yourself. That's the most important
38:14
things. You, you are nice to everyone
38:16
else, especially your baby and pour the same thing into your
38:20
own cup. That's that's all I can say
38:22
because the fuller your cup is with love, self love,
38:25
confidence, respect, the the more you can pour this onto
38:28
others. So it's only going to benefit
38:30
everyone. So thank you so, so much for
38:33
your input for your tips also. And you can find Becca on
38:36
clothes and confidence on Instagram.
38:38
We will of course link everything in the show notes and
38:40
we will also have a little CHEAT SHEET for you on our Instagram
38:44
where you can jump over its damn parenting podcast.
38:47
And while you're at it, give us a follow as well as on your
38:49
Spotify, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast.
38:53
And if you have a mom friend or any friend who you know is
38:57
really struggling a little bit with their confidence and they
39:00
have this dilemma of, oh geez, I don't even know who I am.
39:03
I don't even know what to wear. I don't even know anything other
39:06
than I have to be caring for someone else.
39:08
Then forward them this episode. There's lots of interesting tips
39:11
and lots of information for them in there so they can get a
39:14
little bit of boost into their day of confidence.
39:17
And and we will hear you on the next episode.
39:19
If you want to dive into our big, big library of episodes
39:22
that we have already recorded, our Spotify is filled with over
39:26
100 episodes at this point. And there's many, many different
39:29
topics. And as I mentioned, we did have
39:31
a full episode on body image already with Elena when we did
39:34
our month of matrices in September.
39:36
So if you want to jump back into those topics, everything is
39:39
there at your disposal. So we will hear you on the next
39:43
episode. Thank you so much.
39:44
Bye.