Latest / A Heart That Beats for Home / 32. Reflections on College Life and Family Connections with Madison Smith - Part 2

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32. Reflections on College Life and Family Connections with Madison Smith - Part 2 · A Heart That Beats for Home

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hey friends, I'm Nikki Smith, your host here at A Heart that Beats for Home, the podcast where we're ditching filters and diving headfirst into the raw beauty of all things home.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Now, I am no expert when it comes to this whole parenting and marriage dance.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I'm simply a gal who's been riding the mom roller coaster for 22 years and a wife still untangling the mystery of it all 25 years after saying I do.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: My goal is to bring you unapologetically messy and boldly genuine conversations about cultivating strong families.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, possibly cry, and straight talk about the joy and chaos that comes within the four walls that we call home.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: No judgment and certainly no perfection, just real talk from my heart, a heart that beats for home.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Let's dive in.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Hello friends, welcome back to another week here at the podcast.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: I know many of you are coming back wanting the second part of this interview that we started last week with my sweet daughter, madison Smith, as we have just been talking about all things sending your children off to college.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: We have gotten unbelievable feedback from this.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Clearly, this touched a heartstring of many moms.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: I know many parents have sent this off to their students, to their athletes, and listening to it again after it went live.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: I'm just so proud of my sweet girl and the way that she was willing to open up again on this episode as well, just to share so much of her personal story of what that was like to move to college just the whole athletic part of it, the academic part, the friendship, the emotions, the dynamics in families that shift and change, and I think so much of that real conversation was just so relatable to all that listened and so I just want to again.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: I know that this week specifically, we are at the kind of the line in the sand where all kids are moving to college and parents are driving to those campuses.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: They're seeing their houses full of Ikea blue bags packed with clothes and stacks of bedding by the front door and it is such a hard, emotional time.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: Today Madison is actually moving back into her apartment for her senior year.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: We've been going back and forth on the phone.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: I'm not able to be with her today but she's moving some of that furniture back in getting her apartment set up.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: Ra training starts tomorrow, basketball camps start here in the next couple of days and so into full swing into that final year.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: And I just want to say a couple of things to moms before we dive in here to the interview Number one.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: I know that this can be a time where we can put a lot of guilt on ourself.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: I think back to when we were moving Madison in for her freshman year and I had a little bit of a panic that summer trying to think through all of the things that I hadn't prepared her for.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: Is she ready for this?
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Is she ready for that?
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: Did I do my job here?
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: Did I do my job there?
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: I should have invested more time in this.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: I didn't do good in this discipline area.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: You know all these different things that we can just run ourselves ragged worrying about all the things that moms and I'm sure dads worry about this as well.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: But I think as mamas we carry a special level of guilt with us in the day to day and I remember getting to the point of that final summer when we were packing up the car and leaving and just being reminded that even if I do a perfect job as a parent which I clearly haven't, and I had prepared her for every single thing and we'd had every single important talk and she knew how to do every single skill, she still would get there and have to make decisions in her own free will, in her own circumstances, on how she was going to move forward with life.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: And I came to the point that I just had to have such confidence in two things.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: Number one I have done the best that I knew how, in all of the moments that I parented, did I always show up how I wish I did?
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: No, but was I doing the best?
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: I knew how, as a new mom For me, every single stage of Madison being my oldest, I was parenting.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: At that stage for the first time I had never had a high schooler.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Before I was a parent to Maddie as a high schooler.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: I had never had a grade schooler.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: I'd never had, you know, any any time that I was parenting her.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: She was my first person.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: I was parenting through that stage and so had to come to the point that I had to give myself grace there, and also just believing that not only had I done the best, I knew how and I was constantly growing and learning and trying to get better, but that she ultimately is in God's care and that he cares about her even more than I do, he loves her even more than I do, and that's hard for me to even wrap my brain around that there's somebody that could love and care for my children more than me and their dad.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: But that is the truth, and that was such a reassuring comfort to me, sending Madison off, knowing there are areas where I probably fell short, there are areas where I probably hadn't totally equipped her with what she needed, but I could rest in the fact that God had her.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: And in the same way that I had to figure a lot of stuff out in college and I had to navigate through a lot of hard times, it was in those times, in the times that I had to figure it out, that I had to get uncomfortable, that I had to learn new things or navigate new circumstances.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: That is when I really grew, and I look back to my college years of being a full-time student, also having a full-time job, living in downtown Chicago, without technology, without cell phones, and the things that I had to navigate through as an 18 year old up to 21 year old in a big city, managing full-time college, in design school and working full-time.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: Some of those hardest times taught me some of my most valuable lessons, and so just want to encourage you parents that your kids, they're going to figure it out.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: And the places where maybe you feel like you haven't equipped them enough.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: It's okay, the gaps are going to be there, but a lot of times in the gaps is where we grow, and so just know that and also know that it's okay to have all of the emotions still here going into year four of Madison, moving into college.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: Today I have been riddled with a lot of mom guilt I've called her like three times on her drive to school and making sure she's there and is it okay?
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: Are you sure you have the right guys that can help you get your furniture out of the storage unit and just a lot of guilt of feeling like man I really wish I was there.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: Maybe I made a mistake and not making the trek home to go help her do that, but also recognizing I have two other kids, I have a husband, I have my own things that I need to be taking care of and giving ourselves grace to know that in different seasons we're going to be able to show up in different ways and it's all okay.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: We don't need to have the mom guilt.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: We can rest in the fact that we know we are giving everything we can and we're showing up for our kids in the way that we need to be showing up for them, and the other stuff is going to get done, it's going to happen.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: God's got them and it's in these seasons that we get to watch them grow and flourish and take on so much responsibility that we have been managing for them up until this point.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: And so, as all of you mamas are sending these kiddos off maybe you're even listening to this as you're driving to that college drop off just know it's okay to feel all of the feels.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: It's okay to be excited, it's okay to be sad, it's okay to cry, it's okay to laugh all of the feels, it's okay to be excited, it's okay to be sad, it's okay to cry, it's okay to laugh.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: And just know that every single day after you drop them off, the new normal has beautiful parts of it as well.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: I will tell you, for those of you that are dropping off kiddos that have other kids still at home, what we got to watch and experience as the shifting of dynamics at home happened and Maddie and I talk about that a little bit in this episode, but when the oldest child leaves, it was really, really cool for us to watch how our middle daughter really kind of took a leadership role.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: She really kind of stepped in to a place that she really hadn't lived in when she had an older sister at home.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: And so even just watching the progression that God clearly designs as kids get older and they leave, and then the permission it gives the next oldest in line to step up and really own that role and to grow and to expand their own reach and their leadership, and how the dynamics of sibling things shift and change and bonds are deepened, it has just been a really beautiful stage to watch.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: And so to every single one of you, parents that are dropping off your kiddos, just know that I am sending you big old hugs Again.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: So many messages came through this last week, just about all of the feels as people have listened, and just the unknown of navigating this for the first time.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: So, for all of the feels as people have listened and just the unknown of navigating this for the first time.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: So for all of you, first time college drop-off parents, we are thinking of you.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: We're giving you a big old virtual hug and just lean into all of it and just soak every moment out of these days and this experience and to all of you, kiddos that are leaving and going to college, that have your own emotions of fear and uncertainty and also maybe looking at your parents occasionally and being like what is wrong with them?
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Why is mom such an emotional basket case?
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: Just give us extra hugs, give us extra squeezes and know that this is a time that we have known was coming for 18 years and somehow it snuck up on us in the middle of the night and we thought it was going to take a really, really long time of getting you to this place.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: And one moment you wake up and you are sending your kiddos off, and that's hard for us as parents right To release a part of our identity, of having these people in our home that we get to love on every single day, and having to give that piece of our reality up is difficult.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: So if you see your mama crying, if you see your dad just kind of staring at you and watching you and maybe a little reminiscent, just give us an extra squeeze, take your mom out to coffee, tell her how grateful you are, tell your dad how thankful you are, and just know that this is a really sweet time for us, but also a very emotional time, and tears don't mean that sad about you going and exploring this next chapter of your life.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: It just means that we're sad for the chapter that we're closing.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: So, without any further ado, let's jump back right into this second part of the interview with my sweet daughter Madison.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: I want to transition a little bit into just the dynamics and how they shifted really through our family.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: Good, bad, indifferent, just change right.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: Somebody said recently this summer that the hardest part about sending their first child off was, yes, absolutely that child leaving and not being physically in the home.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: But she said I knew that everything about our family dynamics was changing from that moment on, everything at home was going to look different, everything moving forward was going to look different.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: How do you feel like?
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: I guess a couple two-part question.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: How do you feel like you had to work through?
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: I remember one time you breaking down and crying and your perspective was the four of you have continued on with your life and your siblings have gotten really close and you feel like you're an outsider.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: And then, now that your sister has gone and starting to pursue some of her own things, you and your brother this summer had time together where you really got to foster relationship.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: How do you feel?
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: I guess maybe some tips and just insight into as you're sending kids off to college, and just insight into as you're sending kids off to college, what are ways that you feel we did well to connect and stay connected as a family?
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: What are maybe some struggles that you had around that and just what do you think have been?
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: You know you mentioned that phone call when you're walking out to your car during preseason and postseason, I know my phone's going to ring usually around 5.30 when you're coming out of practice and there's times that we connect.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: What do you think has been ways that you have really felt that we've been able to keep our relationship going, both you and me as mom and daughter and you with your siblings and stuff, as you've been away?
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say it was definitely easier to connect and stay connected with you and Olivia just because you were the one I always called after a practice or anytime.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: Literally the smallest of thing happened.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: But Olivia had a phone, so it was easy just to send her something on Instagram or actually text her or she would randomly FaceTime me.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: We actually did a virtual game night one time, which was so fun.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: But with Landon he didn't have a phone, he wasn't, he had no way of contacting me unless you guys sent a letter and he wrote a little something in it.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: So I think there was times where I didn't know what was really honestly going on in his life other than you posting on Instagram, or if he hopped on the phone for a quick second, if he was nearby, or you flat out telling me on the phone what was going on.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: Like I really if, unless he was at a game, I wasn't really able to talk to him, which was so crazy.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: And now he even does have a phone and he just he's never on it.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: So never has it with him, right or?
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: is this, that one, one word answer like hey, bud, how you doing good, awesome.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm just not gonna continue, continue with that anymore.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: But no, I just think calling you has helped a lot.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: I mean something where I was supposed to only tell you this like five minute story that happened turns into an hour and a half long conversation about anything.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: And I think just having that in my routine, just that 7.30 after dinner, walking to my car in the parking lot, driving back to my apartment that time I had just to be able to call you, I think helped me a lot.
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: And then, obviously, being close, I was able to come home for breaks.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: I was able to be back for some of things all of Thanksgiving, some of Christmas and you guys were able to come and see me, which was really cool.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: It was fun for me to come back and see the changes that you guys had made as a household, but then also for you guys to come to me and see all the things that I have done in this new atmosphere, like seeing my apartment, seeing my daily routine, seeing where I have all my classes, meeting my coaches, meeting my teammates, like seeing where I practice and I work hard every single day For you guys to be able to experience.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: That, I think helped a ton.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: But yeah, no, it was really hard seeing on Olivia's Instagram she would drive Lane into school.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: It's like they would have dance parties and they would do sing-alongs and they would randomly stop and get treats and bubblers and all that stuff and I was seeing it as an outside.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: I was so busy when I was home.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: I had practices, I had school, like I probably wasn't home on an average night before dinner Come basketball season I was probably eating the leftovers of dinner out of the microwave or it was still on the on the table.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: But I missed sitting around the table and actually eating with you guys and then seeing all the stuff that Liam and Olivia were doing together, seeing him do so well in basketball and slowly starting to get a hang of it and golfing and fishing, and him finding friends and Olivia going on to nursing school and her finding her groove I think it was really difficult seeing my little siblings living their lives but me not being able to see it.
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, like I've only been to one or two of Landon's games, I think that was really really difficult.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: But I think just staying connected, whether that's FaceTimes, whether that's texting, calling.
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: It helped a lot to have that daily connection to home.
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: It was just such a blessing this year to have that one, that full month with Landon, Making him go to the gym with me doing my conditioning and lifts with me, him rebounding for me, but also me being able to work on his shot with him, but being able to go fishing with him or take him to the golf course, just sitting and watching movies or playing games, like just stuff that we hadn't been able to do together because he was just this little 10 year old boy when I left.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, now he's this 14 year old who's going to high school?
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: yeah, straight male and being able to see this new personality and this new side of him that I hadn't seen before, that Olivia got to nurture and see as he was coming into this, this new stage, but now realizing I'm going into my senior year he's just going to be a freshman and then I'm taking a year off so I'll be able to see his all of his games.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: I'll probably be able to drop off him off at practices.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: I'll be able to lift with.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: I'll be able to take him fishing and golfing.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: And I have to clarify.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: You say I'm taking a year off, like yeah.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to sleep, I'm just going to move home and just chill for a year.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: No, maddie is going on to PA school and wants to work in orthopedic surgery, and so is going to come home and do a year long hours.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, work in the medical field for a year, but do that while living at home, and your brother will be going into his sophomore year while you're there.
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: So so highly recommend if you are an athlete during your season, during the school year, it is really hard to get hours and get a job because your sport is your job.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: So when you're home, take advantage of it, go and ask if you can chat over a few hours, because slowly but surely it'll build your resume and your experience.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: I'm learning this the hard way by having to get all of it in in my senior and post-grad years.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: So highly recommend getting involved or even if it's one time, like just making sure you're in the right field, making sure this is actually what you want to do, cause early you find that out honestly the better.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: But right.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: It was last year that Madison was able over the summer to work side by side with an orthopedic surgeon.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: I was like you probably should make sure that you actually can go into the OR and see a few surgeries before you go to PA school.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: So she was able to sit through like 30 some surgeries and came out like giddy school kid is so excited to pursue that.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: So if all goes as planned unless the Lord has something different that he reveals to you this year then we'll have her home the year post-graduation as she's working and applying to PA schools.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: So it'll be a great time for you to be with your brother, and who knows where your sister is going to be at that point.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: But just that's.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: I think the crazy thing at this stage of life is you just don't know what.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: Each year, even as a parent right, it's hard for me to grasp we're up at the lake for the summer and all three of you kids were able to be here for the last six weeks and you guys leave and by the time this airs you'll actually be driving back home to go to school and we don't know what next summer is going to look like.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: Are both of the girls going to be working full time.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: Is this the last summer that we've been able to spend a month plus together as a family of five?
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: But knowing that, no matter what is coming ahead, there's beautiful seasons in all of it.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: So, whether you guys are here for a week or two week, there are just always these different seasons that we don't know what they look like, but they end up being beautiful and having really great things.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: So, mads, is there anything else that you want to share?
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: Just about the whole experience encouragement for kids going here in the next couple of weeks, as they're in this stage of a little bit of panic, probably a lot of excitement, a lot of fear, and then maybe all offer a little something to the parents that are sending their kids off.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think for me, the biggest thing that I learned from my movement experience was making sure that the freshmen, you know, have the support system that they needed.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: Knowing that how they feel is probably how I felt.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: So, as a part of a team, that means reaching out to the freshmen, making sure they understand the preseason test, making sure they know where all their classes are, and that's just something that I've been able to do as an upperclassman because I didn't want the freshmen to feel the nerves, or that's something that my upperclassman did for me that helped make me feel so comfortable and welcomed.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: I would just say and encourage you that you're not the only person feeling the way you're feeling.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: It's okay to be upset that you're leaving your family.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: It's a very normal thing and once you get into your routine, once you make your friends, once you get into your classes, it does get better and it does start to feel like your new normal and the quicker you can put yourself out there.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: I mean, I'm a very introverted person.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: I am.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: But when you get into those classes where it is your major and it's only a few people or it's more people that you will be having classes with in the next four years, try to meet them.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: Try to meet your professors.
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: It is so important to have those people on your side and get to know the people that you're going to be spending a lot of your class time with.
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: But also, don't forget to call home.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: It's super, super important.
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: I mean, I feel like there was a few times where, like three days had gone by and I hadn't called you and you probably thought I was dead, like what the heck is she doing?
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I just say that's all so important.
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: But it's okay to feel the way you feel.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: Everybody else is feeling it too.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: It's very normal to feel anxious and nervous and sad, but it's also fine if you feel excited.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: I feel like it's this happy medium of I'm leaving my family, so I feel like I need to be sad, but it's also okay to be excited because this is something that you've been looking forward to all summer or your whole high school career.
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: No-transcript, everyone is just like I'm just a freshman, but I feel like I'm still saying that and I'm going into my senior year.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: It goes really fast, yeah.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: So making sure you're putting yourself out there, you're meeting good friends, you're making your social life just as important as your academics and your athletics, because those will probably be your lifelong friends.
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: Those will be the ones after your nine to five that you'll probably want to get in contact with or hang out for a weekend with.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: And I'm learning that as people are graduating, I mean you'll meet people and they'll graduate and they'll move on with their lives and you're still on campus and that's a whole nother dynamic.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: That's difficult and you're having to learn.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: It's really important to reach out.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: It's really important.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: I've made it a goal of mine.
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: If I think of somebody, I'm texting them.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: There'd be so many times my freshman year.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, I wonder how Anthony was doing.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: I give her a call, like I FaceTime.
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: I see all the cousins.
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: I wonder how this old teammate is doing.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: So I text them to see how they're doing with their senior year, their junior year of high school.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: And it also made it sweeter coming back like knowing that I was still someone that cared about them.
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and it made those relationships stronger coming back.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was always so fun.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: So keep that bridge between your, your old life and your new life and nurture those relationships.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: I want to piggyback off of what you said that it is this mix of.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: There is a lot of reasons why I should be sad, but it's also okay to be really excited, and I think that goes for parents as well.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: I think you do move through seasons, but for me, when Maddie left, as much as it was difficult, I also didn't ever want her to feel like she was responsible for my happiness.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: And so, yes, there was a grieving period, yes, there was a stage of adjustment, but it was really important to me not to guilt her into you haven't called me in three days.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: What in the world?
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: Why aren't you returning my calls?
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: And I think we can easily slip into that and instead just giving our children permission to find their space to spread their wings.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: And if you call three days in a row and there's no answer, it's okay to leave a voicemail that says hey, sugar, just checking in, hope you're doing great.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: I love you so much.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: Hope you're having a great day.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: It's fine to send the text and say no worries if you can't chat right now.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: I know you're crazy busy with basketball and all the things.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: But just thinking about you and knowing the way that I always just do I think I've said it here on the podcast before I joke that if I just need to know that she's alive, I'll just send her something real on Instagram and she will take the two seconds, one second nanosecond that it takes to heart it and I'm like, okay, she's alive because she she somehow checked Instagram and she saw I sent her a message and she liked it.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: So I know she's alive because I can see that she had that activity and then I can rest totally okay, knowing and it's a process of letting go and trusting that the relationship that you have is strong enough, that it will sustain the distance and that it will grow.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: In a lot of ways I think our relationship has grown a ton over the last three years to a different kind of relationship than it was when we lived together, which has been really fun.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: And one thing that I realized is that, even though you're at college and you meet new mentors, you have coaches, you have professors, you have your RDs, you have your RAs, home is probably where you're always going to call if you have an issue that you need to be solved right.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: So just making sure that that's still a relationship, that, whether you're having some of the best days of your life or the worst days of your life, home is probably where you're going to call.
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: I have a lot of great people who have invested in me, friendships where they know a lot of the hardest times and the best times of my life.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: But it's even if they know, the first person I call after I have a talk with anybody.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: I just had coffee with this person.
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: It was so awesome.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: It's I'm calling back home, and that was something that was just so important to me because not only just give me something to look forward to after something exciting happens.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: Olivia told me the other day that you have a different ringtone for me than everybody else.
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: So when you're in a different room than your phone, you know it's me when I'm calling.
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, it's just being able to connect to home is super, super important.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: And for a parent it's important to be available.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: So the ringtone right.
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: I know when Maddie's calling me, because if my family's with me I don't have to worry about what's going on.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: But Maddie is living a life where she has a really rigorous schedule that she doesn't have a lot of control over, and so I mean my rule of thumb for anybody that's in my immediate family is, if at all possible, I answer when the phone rings, because that's just what I want.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: I want my kids to know when they call I'm going to pick up, but specifically with Maddie being gone, the windows of opportunity I don't get to crawl in to her bed at night when she's ending her day to catch up, because that's just not our reality now, not living together.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: And so when that phone rings, there are very few times that I don't answer, because it is super important to me to connect with you when I can.
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: And it can be the littlest things about going through my day, or it can be something like I need to fill out this resume right now and I need you to proofread it.
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: Or this instance happened with one of my residents or my teammates.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: How should I handle this?
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: You never know what you're going to get when you pick up the phone.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: I never know.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: I never know Is it a high or is it a low, but regardless I'm glad that you always make that phone call and just being available, I think that's a part of a tip for parents, like just be available.
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: And I think it's different for dads too.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: I don't know if every family has the same dynamics, but men are not as naturally.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: I family has the same dynamics, but men are not as naturally.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: I shouldn't say men are not.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: Typically the male species is not as good at communication and building relationships.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: I know dad has had to work harder at the distance part.
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: He's so connected with you girls.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: But I know even for him, right, You're naturally calling me, it's the daughter is calling her mom.
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's a different dynamic if it's boys at school and I know for him he has really worked hard to be intentional about.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: I need to set a reminder to, to text Madison throughout her day.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: Or, like you said, when I think about her, I am just going to send her a text.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: Or I know he's come down and had lunches with you or met you.
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: Those have been some of my favorite times.
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: He's like I'm in town or um in the area, let's go get dinner or let's go get lunch, and it was just so cool Cause then he was able to come and like, watch, practice, um, see my side of things but then also just be able to catch up with him and all this stuff that's going on in his life.
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: But it's just such a fun little reset where, like you have a family member in this place where you normally don't see family, right, yeah, and we're super fortunate, with you being an athlete, that we get to see you.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: I mean, during season, we typically see you once a week, and so that's a huge blessing.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: But, man, I feel like there's so much more that we could talk about.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: I don't know yet, when I edit this, how it's going to turn out.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: This might be a two-parter, so if you're listening to the second part, because this went long, but I think it was lots of good conversation, both for students that are athletes and those that are not.
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, I want to add.
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: I was saying yeah, as we were wrapping up here.
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: One thing for me that was also really interesting to see is that you are not the same person that you are your freshman year, coming into your senior year.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: Your personalities can change, right, your habits can change, your characteristics can change all that stuff, your character.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: So going into your freshman year, I looked at myself as a shy kid.
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: So I put out the shy kid or the timid or the introverted.
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: I didn't make a lot of friends.
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: It was them reaching out to me, but nobody else on campus knows that right.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: So it's your time to be the extroverted kid, or it's your time to do things that you probably wouldn't do at your high school, because you've been to school with these kids for what?
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: Seven, eight years, so it's kind of just a label that you've been given right Like, you're the athlete who doesn't have much time for anything but their sport or athletics, Whereas going into college nobody knows I've had to take on leadership roles where I'm leading the team, Bible study.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: I'm an RA, so I'm having to enforce rules.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: I'm having to have one-on-ones and conversations with my residents and get to know them and just having to lead conversation and be someone that they can talk to me.
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: I'm the one giving advice, so a lot of things can happen in your four years that you don't even expect.
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: But if you want to be the extroverted kid who makes the first move to ask a friend to go to dinner or just wants to show up to an event with nobody, and just try to make friends like be that person.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: Nobody cares, nobody knows what your high school was, or yeah, it's a good.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: It's a good new, a new start, it's a fresh start for anybody, if you're happy about where you're at, if you're not happy with where you're at.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: Looking back now, we started talking when we started the episode or this conversation about moving in, and I don't think that if we could have fast forwarded to now, three summers later, going into your senior year, I don't think even there's been high highs, there's been low lows, there's been lots of excitement, there's been lots of tears, but I think that you and I would both agree that it is.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: It is what's supposed to happen, it is the next stage.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: It is the way that God intended it is for these kiddos to go and soar, and they do know enough to figure it out.
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: Like, and it does get easier.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: Yes, it does get easier Every single move in.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: There was less and less tears.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: I don't even think I cried last year.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: You didn't, I did when I drove away.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: Okay, maybe I should have you after we said goodbye, but it wasn't like we were crying Totally different.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's more just like ugh.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: Like time is flying fast, you know that.
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: I'm at a great school with great people and I love where I'm at.
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: I know the people I'm with.
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: I have my best friends Right.
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think the freshman year you're, you're just so concerned that your, that your student finds their people, that they have the friends, that the team goes well, that the academics are not too overwhelming, and so I think a lot of the unknown is done after the freshman year.
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: So then it's like they're established, they have their people.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: I know they're going to be okay.
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: So it is a different level of emotion.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: It's just that they're ripping the bandaid again, but a lot less painful for sure each time.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: And now we know what to expect.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: We know that we're going to talk, we know that we're going to see you at games, and we know that time flies and a year feels like a month sometimes.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: So I can't believe that we're already getting ready to send you into your senior year.
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: We are so proud of you, dad and I and your siblings.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: Thank you, yep.
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: We love you.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: So thanks for doing this, thanks for being the first family interview.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: Thanks for having me.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: You and your dad don't need to be in the public eye.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: So I feel like, now that you did this, I have been asking dad to come on and I feel like if Maddie did it, dad kind of has to do it.
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: This can be his leverage.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: This can be my leverage, not his leverage.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: This is going to hurt him.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: This is our leverage to have him come be on.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: But I'm so grateful for you.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: I've been so proud to just watch you evolve over the last three years.
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: I know that your senior year is going to be epic.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: What we have learned is that we don't know how it's going to go, because you can write it all out and all different things, but praying that this is an injury free, awesome year and that you just love this last year of college before you come home and soar into the next chapter.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: So I love you so much.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: Thanks for being here, thanks for having me.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: I made it through a family interview, a few tears here and there, as would be expected.
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: But to all of you that are sending your kiddos off to college, that are in this, in between of all of the different emotions, I just want you to know that you are going to be able to do it.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: It is going to rip your heart out, but then it is going to be the most beautiful process to watch your kiddos soar.
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: So we're so glad that you are here with us.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: Until next week, friends, take care.