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SMNTY Fiction: Terminus (Chapter 7) · Stuff Mom Never Told You

0:05
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to step
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Speaker 1: I Never Told You production to iHeart Radio, and welcome
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Speaker 1: to our monthly fiction segment. Uh it is ongoing, Yes
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Speaker 1: it is. We're currently on chapter seven of Terminus, which
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Speaker 1: I wrote as part of Nano Rimo and ten. I
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Speaker 1: did not edit this, so you're getting kind of like
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Speaker 1: a flow of what I did, and we're gonna have
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Speaker 1: discussions about why I wrote it because I have I'm
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Speaker 1: very curious about it. But yes, again, I've never had kids,
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Speaker 1: so I'm kind of like, this is interesting to me
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Speaker 1: that this is what came out of your brain. But
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Speaker 1: yes it is. If this isn't your thing, I totally
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Speaker 1: get it. Christina does amazing work with it, though, so
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Speaker 1: hope you're enjoying it. We are on chapter or seven.
1:00
Speaker 1: I will say The Last of Us just came out
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Speaker 1: and you should watch it if you have any interest.
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Speaker 1: This is a very similar story. I did write this
1:08
Speaker 1: before the Last of Us came out, but it's not
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Speaker 1: like it's a super like people have done that before.
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Speaker 1: But anyway, I often call it like the Last of
1:17
Speaker 1: Us meets Children of Men meets hammids Him so super fun. Uh.
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Speaker 1: Speaking of This one has a content warning miscarriage and
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Speaker 1: child death. Very seriously. It made me kind of tear
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Speaker 1: up when I was reading it, so just so you
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Speaker 1: know that is in here. Uh, stigma around sex and infertility, viruses,
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Speaker 1: a pandemic, a lack of control over your own body,
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Speaker 1: injury and healing, suicidal ideation, self loving and internalized able
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Speaker 1: is um around disease. Uh. So I try to be
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Speaker 1: very cognizant of what content warnings, and I will say
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Speaker 1: a lot of those they are discussed, they're not discussed
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Speaker 1: in depth. But I just want to be very careful.
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Speaker 1: I want you to have a good time, and your
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Speaker 1: mental health is important to us. So yes, and as
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Speaker 1: I've said several times, I know that like this is
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Speaker 1: coming out perhaps the worst time for some people. But
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Speaker 1: if perhaps you're like me and for some reason, well
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Speaker 1: I know why, but it's cathartic for me, So I
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Speaker 1: get it if it's not, though I want to think
2:26
Speaker 1: get it if it's not. Uh. This one is kind
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Speaker 1: of longer chapter, so we're just gonna do a recap
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Speaker 1: and get into it. It's longer, but it's sort of
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Speaker 1: a like setting stage chapter, but for a very quick recap.
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Speaker 1: The world is ending due to a sex based virus
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Speaker 1: that is decimating the population. And because of this, any
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Speaker 1: child who is born is under the jurisdiction of the
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Speaker 1: Board of Better Parenting and a religious organization called arm
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Speaker 1: that is very closely related to the government called the
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Speaker 1: States Um, and this religious organization believes that the virus
3:02
Speaker 1: is due to the sinful nature of humanity is kind
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Speaker 1: of a punishment um. After giving birth to a child
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Speaker 1: outside of a conception center illegally, Tilda, the main character,
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Speaker 1: runs away with her son, Madison, in order to keep
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Speaker 1: them from force separation. Several years later, she and Madison
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Speaker 1: are facing very grim circumstances. Winter is coming there closer,
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Speaker 1: thin supplies are dwindling, and in their desperation, they were
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Speaker 1: captured by the government's enforcers who were seeking to capture
3:30
Speaker 1: it Priority number one case as they are called. However,
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Speaker 1: Tilda Madison escape, but not before Tilda is shot and
3:38
Speaker 1: after fleeing and abandoning their stolen car, Tilda has passed
3:41
Speaker 1: out in the street with Madison calling her name. And
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Speaker 1: that is where we are, so let's get into it.
4:05
Speaker 1: A deep weighted darkness anchored Tilda, restorative and protective. She
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Speaker 1: could almost feel her body repairing itself. She had the
4:13
Speaker 1: vague sense of being rebuilt. She lost all concepts of time.
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Speaker 1: She dug herself out with a black few times, catching
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Speaker 1: images and feelings between blinks. Madison, staring at her inches
4:26
Speaker 1: from her face, watchful and worried, fingers twisted an older
4:31
Speaker 1: woman with fading brown hair, a wrinkled face, pastel colors,
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Speaker 1: leading him from the room, A ripple of anxiety. She
4:38
Speaker 1: was too exhausted to feel properly, the overwhelming need to sleep,
4:44
Speaker 1: a painful itching, eating at her calf, sinking, sinking, sinking,
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Speaker 1: breathing deeply for the first time in years, being comfortable
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Speaker 1: and warm, sensations almost foreign to her, now a true luxury.
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Speaker 1: A bed. She was in a bed, but darkness dragged
5:03
Speaker 1: her down again, wrapping warm tendils around her. Before she
5:06
Speaker 1: could fathom what that meant. She had fuzzy dreams of
5:10
Speaker 1: mice and elephants, and she wasn't sure which one was
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Speaker 1: scared of the other. Blinking, she slipped into consciousness as
5:16
Speaker 1: gently as a dolphin breaching the ocean's surface. Madison curled
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Speaker 1: into her side, nestled under the covers, breathing even her
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Speaker 1: eyes closed again. Awareness came to Tilda slowly, so long
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Speaker 1: had she been away from it she had trouble recognizing
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Speaker 1: it at first. Her brain struggled the process. The softly
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Speaker 1: lit room she resided in with warm beige walls and
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Speaker 1: furniture that wasn't overturned, and that bed fluffy and soft
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Speaker 1: and warm. The pillow beneath her head comfortable enough to
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Speaker 1: almost lull her back into oblivion. But Madison wasn't there,
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Speaker 1: and she didn't know where he was. That gave her
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Speaker 1: strength enough to combat the exhaustion, though it required a
5:56
Speaker 1: ridiculous amount of willpower. She pushed herself into a sitting position.
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Speaker 1: She took a deep breath, disentangling herself from white sheets
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Speaker 1: and covers with fingers that felt thick and clunky. Her
6:08
Speaker 1: legs swept over the edge of the bed and dangled
6:10
Speaker 1: hovering over the carpeted floor. A thick white bandage adorned
6:14
Speaker 1: her left calf. She flexed the muscle experimentally and felt
6:17
Speaker 1: only the briefest answering pain. Where was she? What had happened?
6:24
Speaker 1: She lowered her bare feet to the floor. It was
6:26
Speaker 1: soft and plushy. Someone had changed her clothes, Her ratty coat,
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Speaker 1: replaced with an overlarge gray shirt and faded blue drawstring
6:33
Speaker 1: shorts hanging around her waist. Tilted swayed to her feet,
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Speaker 1: almost drunk in her drowsiness. Stumbling steps had her collapsing
6:41
Speaker 1: against the door frame, clinging to it to hold her upright.
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Speaker 1: She paused, breathing deeply, willing her weak muscles to cooperate. Slowly,
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Speaker 1: some semblance of strength returned to her limbs, and she
6:52
Speaker 1: released the door frame, Using her hands to support herself
6:55
Speaker 1: against the wall. She tottered down the hall, heading toward
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Speaker 1: the sound of voices. Pictures caught her fingers as she
7:02
Speaker 1: skimmed them along the wall for balance, Smiling faces peering
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Speaker 1: at her as she made her unsteady procession. She passed
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Speaker 1: a working lamp, almost knocking it over as she gaped
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Speaker 1: at it. Madison giggled, his young, small voice, lilting joy
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Speaker 1: and wonder. Unease and fear bubbled until the stomach. Her
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Speaker 1: faulty steps becoming surer and faster. The hall opened, branching
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Speaker 1: into a kitchen and dining area directly in front of her.
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Speaker 1: In a sitting room to her right, sunlight streamed through
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Speaker 1: the many windows. A woman murmured something, and Madison laughed again.
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Speaker 1: Tilda turn towards the sitting room and the source of
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Speaker 1: the voices. The woman with graying brown hair sat in
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Speaker 1: a lavender armchair, Madison sitting on her lap, holding a
7:44
Speaker 1: book in his hands. She had glasses and a kind smile,
7:47
Speaker 1: but Tilda felt fear and anger and a sort of
7:50
Speaker 1: jealousy spring to life inside of her, the intensity of
7:53
Speaker 1: them dampened by exhaustion. Gawking at the bazaar scene before her,
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Speaker 1: She entered the room dream like till the Madison slid
8:01
Speaker 1: off the woman's lap and barreled towards her, almost knocking
8:04
Speaker 1: her down with the force of his hug. Tilda slid
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Speaker 1: an arm behind his shoulders, stroking his hair with her
8:09
Speaker 1: other hand, but she kept her gaze on the woman,
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Speaker 1: a potential threat. You're awake, Madison exclaimed, you slept a
8:16
Speaker 1: long time. His voice held a mixture of something like
8:19
Speaker 1: chastisement and worry. She smiled down at him. The woman
8:23
Speaker 1: rose from the chair, and Tilda snapped her eyes up again.
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Speaker 1: How long did I sleep? She kept the question light,
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Speaker 1: playing into Madison's attempt to reprimand her days. He answered solemnly,
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Speaker 1: releasing his grip and looking up at her two days
8:38
Speaker 1: to be exact. The woman clarified, I imagine you have
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Speaker 1: many questions, but we should really get some food and
8:43
Speaker 1: water in your system. Tilda kept a hand on Madison's
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Speaker 1: shoulder as she approached them. I'm Lynn, she introduced herself, warmly,
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Speaker 1: extending her hand. Tilda hesitated before taking it, still suspicious.
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Speaker 1: When Tilda did not respond in kind, Lynne filled in
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Speaker 1: for her, and you must be the amazing Tilda. Madison
9:03
Speaker 1: has nothing but praise for you, dear. They dropped hands,
9:07
Speaker 1: Lynn moving past them and into the kitchen. Come sit down.
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Speaker 1: How are you feeling? When Tilda wavered with indecision about
9:15
Speaker 1: whether to follow Linn or take Madison and bolt out
9:17
Speaker 1: the door, the child grabbed her hand, leading her into
9:19
Speaker 1: the dining area and pulling a chair out for her.
9:22
Speaker 1: In a day she sat better, she responded, My leg
9:28
Speaker 1: is um a lot better, did you. Her conversation skills
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Speaker 1: were extremely lacking. She tried to recall the last person
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Speaker 1: she'd spoken to outside of Madison. Despite the borderline inarticulate question,
9:40
Speaker 1: Lynn derived the meaning I was a doctor. I'm retired now, um,
9:45
Speaker 1: but I still make house calls. Occasionally, I removed the
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Speaker 1: bullet and stitched the wound. The antibiotic cream I appledgedpeed
9:54
Speaker 1: the healing process up um good as new in a
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Speaker 1: few days. Tilda digested that, hardly aaring to believe it,
10:00
Speaker 1: as Lynne climbed about pots and pants and switched on
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Speaker 1: the burners. You have electricity, yes, Topeka still has power.
10:09
Speaker 1: There are a decent number of us here, Lynn, do
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Speaker 1: you need any help? Tilda had to fight to keep
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Speaker 1: herself from holding the child in her arms to prevent
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Speaker 1: him from moving to her relief. Lynn declined his offer. Oh, no,
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Speaker 1: thank you, dear, take a seat next to your mother's sweetheart.
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Speaker 1: Tilda's heart swooped at the word mother. Madison scraped a
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Speaker 1: chair across the floor next to her, clambering into it
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Speaker 1: and propping his hands on the table. Regarding Tilda was
10:33
Speaker 1: such an adult expression on his young face that she
10:35
Speaker 1: almost laughed. But Lynde's next query demanded all her attention.
10:40
Speaker 1: How does scrambled eggs toast? She him moving things around
10:45
Speaker 1: in the refrigerator, sliced apples and saute vegetable sound. Tilda
10:51
Speaker 1: blinked rapidly as her stomach cramped, salivating at the mere
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Speaker 1: thought of all that food. She cleared her throat. Um good, Yeah,
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Speaker 1: that sounds really you have all that, Lynn laughed, Of course.
11:07
Speaker 1: She placed glasses of water in front of Tilda and Madison.
11:10
Speaker 1: There are a few farmers left still growing things, just
11:12
Speaker 1: to be growing them. Every week they all get together
11:15
Speaker 1: at the square a few blocks away, and we trade
11:17
Speaker 1: goods services. But they enjoy it. You know, not much
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Speaker 1: else to do. I've got a garden of my own
11:24
Speaker 1: out back. Now, drink up. Tilda took careful SIPs of water,
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Speaker 1: knowing from experience to take it slowly. Once, when they
11:31
Speaker 1: found water after days of low supplies, she'd drank it
11:33
Speaker 1: quickly enough to make herself sick. Her throat was parched,
11:36
Speaker 1: and the liquid it felt cool, soothing. Madison mimicked her,
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Speaker 1: his eyes on Tilda as you drink, while Tilda's eyes
11:43
Speaker 1: were fixated on Lynn. As she whished together the eggs
11:46
Speaker 1: and poured the mixture into a pan. She popped a
11:48
Speaker 1: few slices of buttered bread into the toaster and started
11:51
Speaker 1: cutting up the vegetables and fruit. The delicious room of
11:54
Speaker 1: cooking food filled the air. Tilda couldn't remember ever smelling
11:58
Speaker 1: something so unificence bread, She asked, Oh, I make it.
12:05
Speaker 1: Damn mossk grubbed down the street makes the flower. Tilda
12:08
Speaker 1: had so many questions she had difficulty choosing one. She
12:12
Speaker 1: settled on clothes. Apparently she could only pose one word questions.
12:18
Speaker 1: Linda did not answer immediately. For the first time that
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Speaker 1: Tilda realized Madison was outfitted in a new shirt and
12:23
Speaker 1: jacket with jeans. They were a tad on the large side,
12:26
Speaker 1: making him appear even smaller, but they felt relatively well.
12:30
Speaker 1: I couldn't leave you in those rags. Most of the
12:32
Speaker 1: clothes in the stores and malls have been redistributed to
12:35
Speaker 1: makeship shops and all the neighborhoods that still have people
12:38
Speaker 1: in them. I picked some things up for the two
12:41
Speaker 1: of you, and don't worry. It's unsupervised. No point in
12:44
Speaker 1: stealing them, really, so I didn't draw any attention. I
12:49
Speaker 1: changed you into those, but don't worry, dear, nothing I
12:51
Speaker 1: haven't seen before. Stomach growling loudly, Tilda asked the question
12:55
Speaker 1: she should have asked in the beginning. What happened the
13:00
Speaker 1: toaster binged? Lynn definitely removed the toast, sliding it onto
13:04
Speaker 1: a plate and setting it on the table, followed by
13:06
Speaker 1: a bowl of apple slices. It was all Tilda could
13:08
Speaker 1: do to keep from snatching the piece of morn bread,
13:11
Speaker 1: almost choking on her massive first bite. The bread melted
13:14
Speaker 1: in her mouth in that moment, the best thing she'd
13:17
Speaker 1: ever tasted. Madison took an apple slice, nibbling at it
13:21
Speaker 1: before grabbing some toast for himself. Lynn returned with three
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Speaker 1: plates of scrambled eggs and salted vegetables, handing each person
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Speaker 1: a fork. While Tilda sampled everything oddly ravenous and almost
13:32
Speaker 1: full at the same time, Lynn joined them, taking a
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Speaker 1: bite of eggs before she replied, I heard Madison screaming,
13:39
Speaker 1: you collapse down the road from my house. You know,
13:42
Speaker 1: I saw the blood and I knew we needed to
13:43
Speaker 1: get you treatment. With Madison's help, she gave him a
13:47
Speaker 1: smile and a wink, we were able to get you inside.
13:50
Speaker 1: I cleaned the wound and stitched up. You were semi
13:53
Speaker 1: conscious for a few minutes, and that's when I changed
13:56
Speaker 1: your clothes and got you into bed. You lost a
13:58
Speaker 1: lot of blood, That's why you slept so long. Your
14:01
Speaker 1: body needed to replenish and recover that and flat out
14:05
Speaker 1: exhaustion I wager, Tilda, she thoughtfully, not quite grasping one
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Speaker 1: main aspect. Why. Lynn straightened her glasses. Why what dear?
14:17
Speaker 1: Why help us? A frown marked the older woman's features.
14:21
Speaker 1: How could I ignore a screaming child and an injured woman?
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Speaker 1: What sort of doctor would I be if I could
14:26
Speaker 1: do such a thing like that? What sort of person?
14:29
Speaker 1: For that matter? Madison swung his legs absent mindedly, riveted
14:34
Speaker 1: violence answer adult of understanding shook Tilda's core, and she
14:38
Speaker 1: gasped aloud with the power of it. Madison had never
14:41
Speaker 1: had much interaction with other people. He only had Tilda
14:45
Speaker 1: and the enforcers to form his view on humanity. She'd
14:48
Speaker 1: spoken about her parents on a few instances, but other
14:51
Speaker 1: than that, for all he knew everyone else in the
14:54
Speaker 1: world was out to get them. He stared at Lynn
14:57
Speaker 1: as though she were some sort of angel. Tilda c
15:00
Speaker 1: at her throat, savoring the sweetness of the apple. She paused,
15:03
Speaker 1: searching for the best way to phrase her next question,
15:06
Speaker 1: but couldn't conjure anything better than are there many enforcers here?
15:12
Speaker 1: Lynn's gaze flitted to Madison before she shared a look
15:14
Speaker 1: with Tilda over the boy's head. I saw a few yesterday.
15:19
Speaker 1: In general, they leave us alone out here, so it
15:21
Speaker 1: is a bit strange. Tilda could see Lynne knew the
15:24
Speaker 1: enforcers were looking for her in Madison, they won't find
15:28
Speaker 1: as will they. His small voice piped up. Lynn flashed
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Speaker 1: him a tender smile, rubbing his shoulder. Of course, not, honey,
15:35
Speaker 1: you're safe here. Madison smiled back at Lynn, and Tilda
15:39
Speaker 1: felt another wave of jealousy and inadequacy. This woman was
15:43
Speaker 1: a mother, She knew what to do. Are we, Tilda
15:49
Speaker 1: new Lynn would hear her underlying question? Is she going
15:52
Speaker 1: to turn them in? Lynn leveled her dark brown eyes
15:55
Speaker 1: with Tilda's firm and since here, yes you are. Tilda
16:00
Speaker 1: held her gaze for several seconds, Madison glancing curiously at
16:03
Speaker 1: each of them in turn. Before Tilda nodded. Len's got books,
16:08
Speaker 1: Madison interjected, light dancing in his eyes. She's been letting
16:11
Speaker 1: me read, has she. Tilda's grin may have resembled a
16:16
Speaker 1: grimace as she pictured Madison cozy and secure on Lynn's lap,
16:20
Speaker 1: exposed to how mothers should be. For the first time
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Speaker 1: in his life, maybe now he would recognize Tilda for
16:25
Speaker 1: what she was. A fake. He nodded enthusiastically, and Lynn chuckled.
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Speaker 1: And quite a reader you are. I haven't had much practice,
16:35
Speaker 1: he admitted ruefully. But I'm getting better. And she let
16:38
Speaker 1: me color too. She ruffled his hair fondly. That's great, mouse,
16:43
Speaker 1: Lynn fixed her with an assessing eye. Your color is improving,
16:47
Speaker 1: but you still look rather pale. We should get you
16:50
Speaker 1: back to bed. What time is it, Tilda ask, exhaustion
16:54
Speaker 1: creeping back into her bones. Afternoon. Lynn gathered their dishes
16:59
Speaker 1: and placed them in this inc Come on, let's go
17:01
Speaker 1: talk in the sitting room. Madison hopped off his chair
17:04
Speaker 1: and charged down the hall, grabbing a coloring book and
17:06
Speaker 1: some crowns, and flinging himself onto the carpet. He started
17:09
Speaker 1: scribbling before the pages had even settled open. Tilda shot
17:13
Speaker 1: Land a quizzical look. They were for my son, Lynne
17:16
Speaker 1: answered her unasked question. She pointed at a green armchair,
17:20
Speaker 1: reclaiming her own seat in the purple one opposite. Now
17:23
Speaker 1: that she was well fed for the first time and
17:25
Speaker 1: who knows how long, a generally pleasant feeling, but her
17:28
Speaker 1: stomach felt a little heavy and uneasy. The rest of
17:31
Speaker 1: her body was aching, demanding her attention. Her calf pulsed
17:35
Speaker 1: dully as she almost fell into the chair. There's a
17:37
Speaker 1: blanket on the back there, Lynn pointed behind Tilba's head,
17:40
Speaker 1: and Tilda tugged at the burgundy throw from where it
17:42
Speaker 1: was draped over the chairs back and pulled it over
17:44
Speaker 1: her legs, tired in a little feverish just a short talk,
17:48
Speaker 1: then Lynn said, you could do some more rest. Madison
17:53
Speaker 1: looked up at that, eyes narrowed and forehead wrinkling, and murray,
17:56
Speaker 1: she'll be fine, Lena assured him quickly. Something almos reverent
18:00
Speaker 1: in her gaze. Tilda's breath caught in her throat. Precious,
18:05
Speaker 1: isn't he? Madison blushed at Lyne's question that was more
18:09
Speaker 1: of a statement. Decking his side closer to his coloring book,
18:12
Speaker 1: Tilda's not of agreement was almost indiscernible. She pushed her
18:15
Speaker 1: lips together, arms cold without madisone in them. She clenched
18:19
Speaker 1: and unclenched her hands in a parody of Madison's nervous
18:22
Speaker 1: habit of twisting his fingers. Lynn continued, I had almost
18:26
Speaker 1: forgotten how wonderful it is to have a child around.
18:29
Speaker 1: It's so rare to see one these days. Her voice
18:32
Speaker 1: turned melancholy as she watched the Madison scribbling. In fact,
18:36
Speaker 1: I can't remember the last time I saw one. Tilda
18:39
Speaker 1: almost missed the sores marring Lynn's face, the pale, pinkish
18:42
Speaker 1: white spots blending in with her skin HSV five sores
18:46
Speaker 1: were becoming almost like a natural part of the human makeup,
18:48
Speaker 1: freckles and moles that everyone had. It threw her more
18:52
Speaker 1: to see someone without them, unaccountably nervous that Land would
18:56
Speaker 1: steal Madison from her, or that Madison would prefer to
18:58
Speaker 1: stay with Lynde rather than travel, hungry and cold with her,
19:02
Speaker 1: emburdened with the responsibility of not only raising a child,
19:05
Speaker 1: but one of the few left until to strive to
19:07
Speaker 1: change the subject. You have a son, I had one.
19:12
Speaker 1: Lynn leaned back, her voice full of tired grief, but
19:15
Speaker 1: he was still born till his heart dropped. At that,
19:19
Speaker 1: she apologized tentatively, but Lynne waved it away. It was cruel.
19:25
Speaker 1: I didn't want to go to a conception center. I
19:27
Speaker 1: could hardly believe it at first that I was pregnant.
19:30
Speaker 1: I thought I could handle it as a doctor. My
19:33
Speaker 1: husband helped me. He was a doctor as well. We
19:36
Speaker 1: were so careful to keep it hidden, using the old
19:39
Speaker 1: equipment we've taken from abandoned hospitals for checkups. When we
19:43
Speaker 1: found out it was a boy, I started to pick
19:45
Speaker 1: things out for him, tiny little clothes, toys, shoes. A
19:50
Speaker 1: ghost of a grin tugged at her lips. I had
19:52
Speaker 1: to be discreet that I couldn't help myself. She stopped
19:57
Speaker 1: both her until the watched Madison as Lend's or unfolded,
20:00
Speaker 1: almost mesmerized by a living, breathing child. I don't know
20:04
Speaker 1: what happened. The last checkup was fine, but something went
20:07
Speaker 1: wrong during labor. She didn't elaborate, but it didn't matter.
20:11
Speaker 1: The child was born dead, and details didn't change that.
20:15
Speaker 1: Lynne swallowed, her voice thicker as she remembered. My husband
20:20
Speaker 1: was never the same. He blamed himself. I think that
20:23
Speaker 1: he messed up the delivery. I have to admit I
20:26
Speaker 1: do often wonder if we'd gone to a conception facility.
20:30
Speaker 1: She trailed off, her eyes far away. But we can't
20:33
Speaker 1: change these things, and we knew we couldn't try again.
20:37
Speaker 1: He just faded away, died in his sleep. Madison looked
20:43
Speaker 1: up at her, his face so innocent, so open. Tilda
20:47
Speaker 1: opened her mouth to make an apology again, but found
20:49
Speaker 1: there was none she could make. It's a hard world
20:53
Speaker 1: we live in. Lynn smiled feebly at Madison, motioning for
20:56
Speaker 1: him to return to his coloring book. It's nice to
20:59
Speaker 1: be were minded that there are still things in this
21:02
Speaker 1: world worth fighting for, for saving. What's a conception center,
21:08
Speaker 1: Madison asked guilelessly. Lynne slid her eyes over to Tilda
21:12
Speaker 1: before answering, it's a place where babies go to be born. Oh,
21:18
Speaker 1: he bit his lip before picking up his line of questioning,
21:21
Speaker 1: why didn't you want your baby born there? Tilda had
21:25
Speaker 1: never explained much about the state or conception centers to Madison.
21:29
Speaker 1: She kept telling herself she would, but she put it off,
21:32
Speaker 1: never able to find the right words, always wanting to
21:35
Speaker 1: spare him. All he knew was that a disease had
21:38
Speaker 1: cut down the population, and the enforcers would separate them
21:40
Speaker 1: if they were caught, and make it so they could
21:42
Speaker 1: never see each other again. If Lynn was thrown. She
21:46
Speaker 1: hit it, well, I was worried they'd take my baby
21:49
Speaker 1: from me. Who the enforcers? Yes, dear, and the state state,
21:57
Speaker 1: he parroted, twisting his neck to look back at Tilda. Government.
22:02
Speaker 1: You know when we hear those broadcasts that come on
22:04
Speaker 1: the radio, the voices mass And nodded. That's the president
22:09
Speaker 1: of the state or the leader of arm the religious
22:12
Speaker 1: adviser to the president. At the child's furrowed brow, she
22:16
Speaker 1: smiled weakly. It's complicated. He turned his attention back to Lynn.
22:22
Speaker 1: Why would they take your baby because they're afraid of
22:26
Speaker 1: HSP five. You know about the disease, mass And nodded solemnly.
22:32
Speaker 1: They think if they can keep all the babies safe,
22:34
Speaker 1: they can keep things going. That they know better how
22:37
Speaker 1: to raise a child, But they don't always do they
22:41
Speaker 1: a child nodded again, glancing over to Tilda, who found
22:43
Speaker 1: she couldn't hold his trusting gaze, guilt almost making her squirm.
22:48
Speaker 1: Lynn knew how to raise a child, but Tilda didn't
22:51
Speaker 1: have a clue. How is it fair that Lynn's child
22:53
Speaker 1: should die during birth while Novice know him an undeserving
22:57
Speaker 1: Tilda got such a beautiful child, as Madison was I
23:01
Speaker 1: born there in a conception center. Tilda shook her head, yes,
23:07
Speaker 1: and Madison asked, is that why they're looking for us?
23:10
Speaker 1: Because you wouldn't let them take me away from you?
23:14
Speaker 1: Tilda gave a final nod, scrubbing at her eyes and
23:17
Speaker 1: horrified to find tears stinging at them. A gentle hand
23:20
Speaker 1: on her shoulder made her jump. Madison stood in front
23:23
Speaker 1: of her, genuine concern on his face. She tried to
23:26
Speaker 1: give him a reassuring smile, but her face crumpled. Instead.
23:31
Speaker 1: Masson crawled onto her lap, hugging her around the middle.
23:34
Speaker 1: She couldn't stop a tear from spilling out the corner
23:36
Speaker 1: of her eyes, sliding down her cheek and dripping into
23:38
Speaker 1: the boy's mousey brown hair, soft it had been washed.
23:44
Speaker 1: Lynn murmured, let's get you back to bed. We'll talk
23:46
Speaker 1: more when you wake up. Madison made no move to
23:49
Speaker 1: get out of Tilda's lap. Lynne tapped him on the shoulder, clucking.
23:53
Speaker 1: He reinforced his grip around Tilda, curling into a tighter ball. Laughing,
23:58
Speaker 1: Lynde told Tilda, I couldn't keep him away from you.
24:02
Speaker 1: I'd put him to sleep in his own bed at night,
24:03
Speaker 1: and I'd find him in yours the next morning. Come on,
24:06
Speaker 1: ask me, Hart. We gotta get your mom to bed
24:08
Speaker 1: so we can get her well again. Another twister and
24:11
Speaker 1: get at that title. Madison reluctantly released her, and lynn
24:15
Speaker 1: ushered him back, helping Tilda out of the chair and
24:17
Speaker 1: down the hall. Her skin crawled, and she suddenly felt
24:20
Speaker 1: unbearably filthy, like everyone could see how dirty she was.
24:24
Speaker 1: She could scrub and scrub and scrub and never be
24:26
Speaker 1: clean again. Can I do you mind if i'd take
24:30
Speaker 1: a shower? She forced out quietly. Of course, Lene assured her.
24:36
Speaker 1: Just through here. Across the hall from the room Tilda
24:38
Speaker 1: had woken up in was a modest bathroom, but any
24:41
Speaker 1: bathroom with working water was a marvel to Tilda. Lynne
24:44
Speaker 1: pulled out a towel, shooting a Madison hovering at the
24:46
Speaker 1: doorway away. Adorable little thing, Lynde said under her breath.
24:52
Speaker 1: What about the enforcers, Tilda asked, quietly, leaning against the sink.
24:57
Speaker 1: I'm not going to turn you into them, if that's
24:58
Speaker 1: what you mean. Tilta lowered her voice. They'll come looking
25:02
Speaker 1: for us. They won't find you here, Lynn matched Tilda
25:06
Speaker 1: hushed tone. Tilda shook her head. You don't know them.
25:11
Speaker 1: They won't stop until they find us. They'll have to
25:14
Speaker 1: come door to door they will, Tilda said, confidently, know
25:18
Speaker 1: when she sounded paranoid, but also knowing it was the truth.
25:22
Speaker 1: Then I will hide you. But right now, you don't
25:25
Speaker 1: need to worry. A shower, some sleep, then we'll talk
25:28
Speaker 1: about it, all right. I'll keep Madison entertained. Another tear
25:33
Speaker 1: escaped at that, but Tilda nodded. Lynn gave her breathe hug,
25:37
Speaker 1: It'll be all right. For a fleeting moment, Tilda felt
25:41
Speaker 1: wiser than Lynn, Lynn who thought it would be okay,
25:44
Speaker 1: who thought she could hide two wanted fugitives from enforcers.
25:48
Speaker 1: But then shame flooded Tilda's senses and she succumbed to
25:51
Speaker 1: the embrace, imagining it was her own mother's arms around her.
25:55
Speaker 1: Lynn pulled back with a bracing look on her face.
25:58
Speaker 1: It's very simple to work, dear, Tilda blinked, before realizing
26:02
Speaker 1: we were talking about the shower. Just turn on the faucet,
26:05
Speaker 1: pull the lever there and that's it. The warm water
26:08
Speaker 1: doesn't last very long, so be efficient with your time
26:11
Speaker 1: and be careful of your injury. I'll rewrap it when
26:14
Speaker 1: you're done, all right. Tilda nodded, and Lynne shuffled out
26:18
Speaker 1: with a parting call if you need anything. The door
26:21
Speaker 1: closed behind her, leaving Tilda alone for a long moment,
26:25
Speaker 1: Tilda leaned against the sink, blinking back tears, fighting for control.
26:30
Speaker 1: With a shuddering breath, she limped towards the shower, glancing
26:33
Speaker 1: worriedly at the deep tub. The faucet turned easily. Untilda
26:37
Speaker 1: tested the temperture of the water with her fingers before
26:39
Speaker 1: she pulled the small lever of the handle. Warm water
26:42
Speaker 1: sprang from the nozzle. Tilda pull the bandage from her calf,
26:47
Speaker 1: finding the puffy, pink wound a much better sight than
26:49
Speaker 1: the angry red veel she had been expecting. She carefully
26:52
Speaker 1: negotiated her way into the tub, the warm water soothing
26:55
Speaker 1: against her skin. She could feel her muscles relaxing, melting
26:59
Speaker 1: under the cascade. It felt so good simply standing under
27:03
Speaker 1: the faucet with her eyes closed. She almost forgot Land's
27:05
Speaker 1: warning about the hot water. She worked the dirt and
27:08
Speaker 1: grime out of her hair with her fingers, scrubbing at
27:11
Speaker 1: her skin with the ivory bar of soap. But no
27:14
Speaker 1: matter how hard she worked, she couldn't wash away the
27:17
Speaker 1: crawling feeling under her skin, the filth underneath the flesh,
27:21
Speaker 1: the virus in her blood. The water turned cold until
27:25
Speaker 1: they switched it off. Defeated, she stood dripping, shivering before
27:29
Speaker 1: she snatched the towel from where it was draped over
27:31
Speaker 1: the top of the shower door and dried herself off.
27:34
Speaker 1: Her clothes start to her still damp skin as she
27:36
Speaker 1: tugged them on, but she took little notice. Her hand
27:39
Speaker 1: slipped on the door knobs slick with condensation before she
27:42
Speaker 1: yanked it open, wapping herself on the hip. She bent
27:45
Speaker 1: over momentarily, stunned by the pain. Lynn was there, a
27:49
Speaker 1: gentle hand on her shoulder blade, guiding her across the
27:52
Speaker 1: hall to her bedroom into the bed, where she collapsed gracelessly.
27:55
Speaker 1: The woman helped her roll over on her back. Out
27:58
Speaker 1: of the corner of her eye, Telda could see Mattie
28:00
Speaker 1: and entering the room. Cautiously. Lynn started bandaging her leg
28:03
Speaker 1: with warm but firm pressure. Amana escaped Tilda's lips at
28:07
Speaker 1: the sudden pain that spiked through the heavy blanket of
28:10
Speaker 1: sleepiness that had settled over her. Madison, now the edge
28:14
Speaker 1: of the bed, his face obscured from the nose down,
28:16
Speaker 1: whimpered softly in dismay at her distress. S Now, She'll
28:20
Speaker 1: be all right, Tilda extended the fingers on her right
28:23
Speaker 1: hand from where it rested near her hip mass and
28:26
Speaker 1: grassed them, and the bed dipped as he climbed up
28:28
Speaker 1: onto it. Lynn said something, but it was lost in
28:32
Speaker 1: the fog. Tilda wanted everything to fall away. She didn't
28:35
Speaker 1: want this life, could no longer bear how it felt
28:38
Speaker 1: and what it meant. She was barely aware of Lynn
28:41
Speaker 1: pulling the covers around her before sleep claimed her once again.
29:08
Speaker 1: And that brings us to the end of chapter seven
29:11
Speaker 1: of Terminus. I hope you enjoyed it. I know it
29:14
Speaker 1: had some kind of heavy things, um, but I hope
29:17
Speaker 1: you enjoyed it. It's something we have talked about several times,
29:22
Speaker 1: but we've been meaning to do a full episode on.
29:24
Speaker 1: Is how in things like this and things like horror
29:28
Speaker 1: and thrillers and things like The Last of Us, these
29:31
Speaker 1: sort of child lost the child death, it's such like
29:34
Speaker 1: a pivotal thing that sets the story in motion, um.
29:38
Speaker 1: Which isn't necessarily the the case with this new character,
29:42
Speaker 1: Lynn that I introduced in this chapter of Whom I Love,
29:45
Speaker 1: But it's just it is. It is very prevalent in
29:51
Speaker 1: our media, um, and it is very painful thing. Yeah,
29:57
Speaker 1: So we have been meaning to come back and talk
29:59
Speaker 1: about out that um and I mean, I think there
30:03
Speaker 1: are a couple of reasons that are very obvious why
30:06
Speaker 1: that's used in a lot of our media, but we're
30:09
Speaker 1: planning on digging into it. Also this jealousy that kind
30:15
Speaker 1: of pops up in this chapter of like the better mother,
30:18
Speaker 1: who you believe is the better mother, who's the better caretaker,
30:22
Speaker 1: and feeling really inadequate about that, because I mean, that's
30:24
Speaker 1: like Tilda's the whole Insecurity is that she feels extremely
30:28
Speaker 1: inadequate to have made this huge choice and doesn't feel
30:33
Speaker 1: like she's taking care of Madison in the seas Lynn
30:37
Speaker 1: with Madison, uh, and feels jealous and like Madison will
30:41
Speaker 1: realize in her mind what a terrible job she's done.
30:45
Speaker 1: I want to tell her terrible mother she is. There's also, yeah,
30:48
Speaker 1: these kind of themes of depression and wanting to disappear
30:54
Speaker 1: in this one, which yeah, it was. I seriously, I
30:59
Speaker 1: haven't read this in a while. Like I I did
31:01
Speaker 1: go over it several times when I first wrote it,
31:03
Speaker 1: and I was like, maybe I could get this published
31:05
Speaker 1: one day, and then I haven't read it since then.
31:07
Speaker 1: But I was like, when you were writing this, you're
31:12
Speaker 1: wrestling with some stuff. But yeah, and a lot of
31:16
Speaker 1: these things. We're gonna come back and talk to you.
31:18
Speaker 1: Like I said, this is a bit of a longer chapter,
31:20
Speaker 1: so I'm not gonna get into it right now, and
31:22
Speaker 1: it's going to be recurring of her trying to grapple
31:25
Speaker 1: with these things, these heavy things, and how to survive
31:28
Speaker 1: in this quite bleak world. Um, but there were also
31:31
Speaker 1: some happy things in this chapter, so you know it's
31:35
Speaker 1: not all bad. So yes, look out her chapter eight
31:44
Speaker 1: in the coming meth. But in the meantime, I've loved
31:47
Speaker 1: hearing from you all about this, or if you have
31:49
Speaker 1: any recommendations for other fiction we could do. We do
31:51
Speaker 1: enjoy doing these. Um you can send those our way
31:54
Speaker 1: our email. Stuff at you Mom Stuff at ihart media
31:56
Speaker 1: dot com. You can find us on Twitter at month
31:58
Speaker 1: Stuff podcast or on Instagram and took talk at stuff
32:00
Speaker 1: I Never Told to you. Thanks it's always to our
32:02
Speaker 1: super producer Christina the best, the absolute best, and thanks
32:07
Speaker 1: to you for listening stuff I Never told this protection
32:09
Speaker 1: by Heart Radio. For more podcast from my Heart Radio,
32:11
Speaker 1: you can check out the Ihear Radio app, Apple podcast
32:13
Speaker 1: or where you listen to your favorite shows,