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What's The Cure For Narcissism? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So what is the solution to narcissism?
• 0:04
  That's a question of the ages, isn't it?
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  Like what the hell is the solution to narcissism?
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  What? What is the cure?
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  Is there a cure for it? What can be done about it?
• 0:13
  That's what we're talking about today.
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  And you get the unique perspective of a diagnosed
• 0:17
  narcissist. Because if you're new here, my
• 0:19
  name is Lee Hammock. I'm a self aware narcissist and
• 0:22
  welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
• 0:41
  Welcome back folks, welcome back, welcome back.
• 0:43
  So recorded in the car today with my son playing basketball.
• 0:46
  Y'all don't know how we do. We don't waste each time I waste
• 0:48
  any time right? Get it done, get it done.
• 0:51
  So the cure to narcissism. Let me go and let me go ahead
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  and start off with this. Let me lead with this right
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  here. There's not it's not a pill.
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  It's not a pill. There isn't a magic witch's brew
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  where you have to take a lock of their hair or the, the, the the
• 1:09
  hair from the back of a kneecap or toenail clipping or kiss true
• 1:15
  Love's kiss. Nothing like that.
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  There's no witch's brew. Nothing like that is going to
• 1:21
  cure. It's going to cure narcissism.
• 1:25
  Yeah, I promise you. But from my perspective as a
• 1:30
  diagnosed narcissist, I do feel like to get better, for
• 1:35
  narcissists to improve in any way, shape or form.
• 1:40
  I do feel like the cure is going to be accountability.
• 1:48
  The cure for narcissism in and of itself is going to be
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  accountability in some way, shape or form.
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  They have to be willing to be accountable for their actions
• 2:00
  and who they are right now and how they're behaving right now
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  and how they're, you know, how how they're handling the
• 2:06
  situation right now. They have to be willing to be
• 2:09
  held accountable for the things that they have done and the
• 2:13
  things that they do and not blame, not blame the past
• 2:18
  because so many other narcissistic people are out
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  there blaming the past for the things that they have done and
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  the things that they might do, the things that they will do
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  right? It's always somebody else's
• 2:28
  fault. So in order for them to get
• 2:31
  better or the cure, so to speak, there's there's going to have to
• 2:35
  literally be some accountability and there's no, there's no other
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  way around it, y'all. So I'm I'm going to continue
• 2:42
  this in a few seconds. Ta da.
• 2:45
  I know I look different 'cause it's a different day.
• 2:47
  My son got in the car and I didn't want to film the whole
• 2:50
  video in front of him. So here we are.
• 2:52
  This what you get? New day, new me.
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  But yeah, yeah, back to what I was said earlier.
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  I know what people are, are, are.
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  I know what people are going to say.
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  Well, Lee, how do we hold them accountable so they can get the
• 3:06
  cure to narcissism or get the solution to narcissism?
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  It's not about you. Yeah, I'm sorry to say that.
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  I know people don't want to hear that, but being realistic, it's
• 3:17
  not about you holding them accountable.
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  That's a part of it, right? That's a part of this journey.
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  That's a part of trying to understand what's going on.
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  But it's in all in totality, right?
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  That's not like I said, that's not a like they have to want to
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  hold themselves accountable. There has to be self
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  accountability. They have to allow you and other
• 3:41
  people to hold them accountable as well.
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  That's the only way that narcissism can be the the
• 3:47
  solution for. So for me, if y'all are new
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  here, I'm, I am a diagnosed narcissist and I've been in
• 3:55
  intense psychotherapy for almost 8 years now, eight years.
• 4:01
  It's kind of crazy saying that right now, seeing that I've been
• 4:03
  online doing this for five years.
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  I used to say I've been in therapy for three years, eight
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  years of therapy, right? So I've been in therapy for
• 4:15
  eight years and I've allowed accountability.
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  I've welcomed accountability into my life with open arms,
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  mainly because I know that's what I need.
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  I know that's exactly what I need in order for me to get
• 4:30
  better. That's exactly what I need in
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  order for me to just for my life in general to be better to feel
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  better just overall, y'all seriously, that's what that
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  that's what I need. So that's how I operate because
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  I operate in this plane right here.
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  I know I need that accountability in order to be a
• 4:49
  better human being and in order to like counteract my
• 4:53
  narcissistic traits because let me say this as well, y'all.
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  No matter how much work that narcissistic person does on
• 5:00
  themselves, it doesn't go away. If you're clinically diagnosed
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  with narcissistic personality disorder or I mean, you don't
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  have to be clinically diagnosed if you have the personality
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  disorder diagnosis or not, it doesn't go away.
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  There's no pill, there's nothing, there's no elixir, like
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  I said in the beginning to make it go away.
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  You can just can, you really can't just try to get a lot of
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  the, I guess symptoms under control, right?
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  You get the symptoms under control, not the actual
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  narcissism, like not the actual personality disorder going away.
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  So that's part of the solution is allowing accountability into
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  our lives, into my life, into the lives of a lot of other
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  diagnosed or self aware narcissists themselves, right.
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  But I will also say this, because this is going to be
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  y'all, you can add this into the brunch.
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  I was saying you can add this into the brunch.
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  You can add this into the bunch of things that might be the
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  solution to narcissism as well. Shame, dealing with shame.
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  That's it right there. Boy, my anxiety rises.
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  When I talk about dealing with shame, my anxiety pops up,
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  right? Because when I talk about
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  dealing with shame, I don't. I hate dealing with shame.
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  Most, if not all narcissists are shame avoidant.
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  Like we try to avoid shame at all costs.
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  But Lee, that doesn't make any damn sense.
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  Now, Lee, if you're shame avoided, why are you doing such
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  shameful things? I got you right here.
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  Because we're still trying to make ourselves happy.
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  The the intent is to not do shameful things, like when we're
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  doing things that we should be ashamed of.
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  The shame comes when if we're caught.
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  Like we can make excuses for our behaviors up until the moment
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  that we're caught with ourselves.
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  Yeah, we can make excuses to you forever, right?
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  But to ourselves, we can make excuses for our toxic,
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  manipulative, horrible ass behaviors until the the the end
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  of time, right? But to you, like I said, we can
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  make those, we can make those excuses to you to the end of
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  time, but to ourselves, they, they can go on forever.
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  We know we're, we know we're lying.
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  We know that we're doing something that we should be
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  ashamed of. We absolutely know that.
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  And I know a lot of people know that, that we know that.
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  So if you're dealing with a narcissist, they have to want to
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  battle the shame that they are experiencing, the shame that
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  they carry around all day. A lot of it.
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  Look, a lot of the shame stems from childhood.
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  Does all of it stem from childhood?
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  No, I don't believe that to be true.
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  But a lot of the shame stems from childhood and the things
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  that happened to us in our childhood, not the things that
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  we did and got away with, the things that actually happened to
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  us in our childhood. So that's why I've been so
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  difficult for a lot of narcissistic people to deal with
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  shame. But we yeah, yeah.
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  We cannot stand it. We hate it.
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  So it's just like crazy. In order for the the solution
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  for narcissism, it has to be dealing with the shame that we
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  are just facing every single day, every single second, right?
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  So he's got gotta be in order to have the solution to narcissism
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  or for narcissists to actually get better or work on
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  themselves. It really has you have to have
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  accountability and then you can't let you.
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  You cannot go forward without shame without, without learning
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  how to deal with the shame, without trying to run away from
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  shame. You have to face the shame that
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  you are feeling for the things that you have done over or the
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  things that you are doing right now.
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  It's not the end of the world. Shame is not going to unalive
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  you, right? Shame is not going to unalive
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  you. I have to say unalive because of
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  YouTube moderation or whatnot, but shame is not going to
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  unalive you. It's just not.
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  So as you're trying to heal and as you're trying to grow and as
• 9:07
  you're trying to progress forward and whatnot, that's what
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  you have to understand that so many people are experiencing
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  like you. You have to want to heal and
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  your partner, I know you want to be there for your partner.
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  I know that's why a lot of people are watching this video,
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  like Willie. How do we know if they're really
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  trying to work on themselves? They have to be able to take
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  accountability and they have to be able to deal with shame.
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  If the yeah, the behaviors are not going to go away, You just
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  you just try to curb the behaviors, right?
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  I just say they're right there. I know people when people click
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  other video, y'all probably thought the solution to
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  narcissism was going to be better parents or better
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  childhoods and things like that, which could help.
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  Of of course, those things could actually absolutely help.
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  But still, y'all, there are, there are people out here who
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  turn into narcissists who don't have childhood trauma.
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  There's there's people out here who had probably some decent
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  parents and a decent lifestyle growing up and they just still
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  maybe biologically or genetically coded to become
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  narcissistic people. So it's sometimes there's
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  nothing you can do about it right as you going on along this
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  journey. So that's why I'm saying like
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  regardless of how you became a narcissist, how you deal with it
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  is being able to face the shame and being able to take
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  accountability. That's the solution right there
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  for me, y'all. That's the solution from my from
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  the perspective of a diagnosed narcissist myself.
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  But anyway, y'all, my son, he's about to come again in the
• 10:36
  morning while you gotta take him to school.
• 10:39
  St. Louis, MO on April the 5th in
• 10:42
  Durham, NC on April the 12th, our next live in person healing
• 10:45
  from narcissistic abuse workshops.
• 10:47
  Healing from narcissistic abuse live in person workshops April
• 10:51
  5th St. Louis April 12th Durham, NC.
• 10:54
  You can find more information at mentalillness.net slash events
• 10:58
  or go to mentalillness.net scroll to the bottom.
• 11:00
  It's down there y'all. He brushes it up and I will see
• 11:02
  you later peace. Before you go make sure that you
• 11:05
  hit that subscribe button if you haven't already.
• 11:07
  Y'all, you already here just hit the button.
• 11:10
  Also, you can find my coaching, my courses, my one on ones.
• 11:12
  Everything is available at my website, mentalillness.net, kids
• 11:16
  book, self love journal. Also check out joining the
• 11:19
  channel memberships as well. Y'all, thank you so much for
• 11:21
  being here. I'm super grateful I'm out.
• 11:23
  Peace.