Latest / feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell / how to stop being so hard on yourself

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how to stop being so hard on yourself · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

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  Every time I try to start something new, there is always,
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  somebody telling me to give up. Every time I try to focus on
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  myself, there's always somebody else telling me to focus on them
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  instead. And every time I'm feeling sad,
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  there's so many telling me that I don't deserve to feel sad and
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  that somebody is my own inner critic.
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  Hey there and welcome back to another episode of feel your
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  feelings with me, Ethan Jewel. This is a pod Gassed, I started
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  all about mental health, and mental health awareness.
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  Now I'm not a doctor, a psychologist, a psychiatrist or
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  professional in the field whatsoever.
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  I'm just a normal guy who has felt some big feelings and hopes
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  to help you feel your emotions as well.
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  So thank you so much for tuning in and let's feel some feelings.
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  Something that I've always struggled with is my own
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  internal dialogue as I'm going through life.
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  I really do. Try to stay positive.
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  And I really do always try to look on the brighter side of
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  things. But more often than not my own
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  internal - critic takes over and instead of viewing something or
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  myself in a more positive light, I end up viewing it negatively.
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  I end up becoming a Critic and it completely ruins, my
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  perception of things, my perception of myself, it can
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  ruin my motivation and can really affect my mental health.
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  So what do I mean? When I say inner critic,
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  everybody has an inner critic. It's the voice in our heads that
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  tells us - things like I was saying in the beginning, it's
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  the voice in your head that tells you to give up whenever
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  you start something new, it's the voice in your head that
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  tells you you're not good enough.
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  It's the voice in your head. That tells you you don't deserve
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  to feel a certain way. It's the voice in your head that
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  tries to keep you down. It's natural and it's something
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  that we all have, and it's frustrating to deal with.
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  I hate having an inner critic, however, I'm aware that I can't
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  get rid of it, no matter how annoying it is.
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  No Sure how much it affects my mental health.
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  I know. I can't get rid of it.
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  So instead, I choose to reason with it and I found ways to deal
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  with it and get around it and rewire my mindset when it comes
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  to my inner critic today, that's what I want to talk about.
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  So now that we understand the inner critic and we understand
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  that it can affect us in a negative way with negative
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  self-talk, and a negative perception on life.
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  How can we combat and talk to our own inner?
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  Hritik. Well, I made a list of things
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  that I do that. Help me combat mine.
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  The first one in, this is really, when I became aware of
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  my inner critic, is I begin to meditate.
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  And I know this sounds really, really cliche, and I didn't do
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  it in the traditional way of, you know, sitting cross-legged
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  in a quiet room and making meditative noises or anything
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  like that. No, I use the technique that my
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  therapist taught me that I've talked about on this podcast
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  several times. It is simply every other day.
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  I'll take about 20 to 30 minutes to sit in silence and simply
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  observe, my thoughts and my feelings.
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  It can be out and about. Sometimes I do it in a park, but
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  a lot of times I do it just in my room before bed.
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  I observe my own mental, I observe my feelings in my
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  thoughts and what this does is it lets me get to know myself
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  really well. It lets me get to know my
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  feelings, but in this instance it lets me get to know my
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  thoughts. Thoughts.
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  And it lets me get to know my inner critic and during these
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  little meditative sessions is when I really became aware of
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  that voice and I became aware of what it's saying.
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  Because as you can, imagine when I'm sitting in Silence with
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  nothing but my thoughts for 20 to 30 minutes that negative
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  voice would come out and it would start following a negative
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  narrative about who I am. And it would tell me mean things
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  about myself and that I'm not a good enough friend.
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  And that I need to change this and this and at first, I thought
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  that that was just how I thought.
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  I realized, wow, that's my own self-doubt and that's my own
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  critic speaking. So, the first thing that I did
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  that helped me come to terms of my inner critic as I meditated
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  and I got to know it. I understood what my negative
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  thought patterns were, I understood the - narratives that
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  my own brain told me because how are we to fix something if we
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  don't first understand it. So once you establish this
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  routine, and you understand that - narrative in that critical,
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  Eric there are three different things that I do that are very
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  real and tangible to try to deal with this.
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  Now remember I'm not a doctor so this isn't medical advice.
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  This isn't professional mental, health advice, this is just
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  trial and error and what works for me?
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  These are all really just logical.
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  I don't know if there's any scientific backing to them at
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  all but this is what has worked for me.
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  And the first one seems really ridiculous.
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  And that is I create a almost silly.
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  For my inner critic. Now, hear me out with this one,
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  whenever I start to form a negative narrative or I'm having
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  negative self-talk. I will almost mock this voice.
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  So if I get out of bed and I have a thought pop up where I
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  think I should just lay back down.
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  I'm a bad person. My friends don't want to see me.
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  Today, I am depressed. I'm not worth other people's
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  time. Blah blah blah, I'll mock that
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  and I'll go do my friends. Don't deserve me.
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  Follow up, shut up. You know, and kind of talk back
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  to the inner voice. I know this sounds ridiculous,
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  it sounds totally absurd, but for whatever reason, it works
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  for me because it makes this inner narrative, a tangible
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  thing. It makes it somebody that I can
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  talk to an argue with an essentially.
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  I'm able to convince myself that this narrative is wrong.
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  I don't know why this works, but it does it stops.
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  This inner voice from running rampant and it shuts it down
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  entirely in. Lee, I'm able to continue on
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  with my day. Now, the next thing I do is I
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  ask myself if I talk to a friend or loved one like this, and this
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  is something that I do with a lot of the negative thoughts
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  that I have, if I'm having self-esteem issues, and I start
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  talking down on my physical appearance, for example, I'll
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  try to catch myself which is where the meditation comes in.
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  You have to know when these patterns are forming.
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  So I'll catch myself and all think, Hmm?
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  What? I talked to a good friend of
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  mine like that, That what I tell a friend of mine that I think
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  they look ugly or too tired, or too depressed, or at their body
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  doesn't look good. Today, of course, I wouldn't
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  that's not how anybody should talk to their friends and that's
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  not how anybody should talk to themselves.
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  This is another tangible way of quantifying these inner thoughts
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  that we have in order to make them into something realistic
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  that we can then reason with. And that's really the most
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  important part when our inner critic comes out and starts.
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  Forming these - narratives about ourselves and about our
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  perspectives on the world. If left unchecked it runs
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  rampant and it grows and continues.
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  If anything? It's a form of anxiety and that
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  anxiety about ourselves will only get worse.
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  When unchecked. So these methods are a way to
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  make this inner negative self-talk, into a real thing
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  that we can reason against and argue against and hopefully, get
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  rid of most of the time. And of course, I I wouldn't talk
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  to a loved one, or a family member or a friend, the way that
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  I often talk to myself. So that helps me understand and
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  justify getting rid of that. Thought that lets me know that
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  it is just an inner negative narrative that I can get rid of
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  that, I can toss aside. Finally, in this, for all of my
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  logical people out there, I'll take the thought and all compare
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  it to real life. So let's say I wake up feeling
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  sad. In my inner critic tells me that
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  I don't deserve to be Add that there isn't enough bad stuff
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  happening that I shouldn't be depressed that other people have
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  it worse and that I need to just suck it up and be happy.
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  This is something that I deal with a lot.
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  It's in in her narrative that comes up a lot.
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  So the way that all argue, this is all look at my life and I
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  will think okay. Are these claims true?
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  And should I listen to them? Should I give these claims any
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  power whatsoever? And I'll look at my life and I
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  say, well first of all, do I feel Feel sad.
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  And if the answer is yes, well that's already enough reason to
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  ignore the inter narrative. If you feel something, you feel
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  something. It doesn't have to be justified.
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  If you feel sad, you don't need a reason to feel sad.
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  It's okay to just feel sad for no reason to just feel anxious
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  for no reason to just feel mad or depressed for no reason.
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  So already, I found a logical answer to my question and so
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  I'll talk back to that voice and I'll say, actually, I'm allowed
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  to just be Add. I don't need to have a better
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  reason than everybody else to be sad.
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  I don't need to justify my own Feelings by finding this logical
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  Reason by going down. This path of Reason, in arguing,
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  back against that negative narrative, I am able to allow
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  myself to feel. I allow myself to go about my
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  day without this anxious Run - narrative to spread throughout
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  my day. These inner - narratives are a
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  manifestation of Self Doubt and anxiety.
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  It's our own brains in the anxiety that we are not good
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  enough. Trying to put us down in one way
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  or another. It's so important to meditate
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  and understand this to come to terms with that inner voice to
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  know what it says. And when it says it, and then be
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  able to fully combat it, I challenge you to try this.
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  I challenge you to meditate and get to know your own inner
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  voice. Get to know what it says and
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  then learn what works for you to Bad it.
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  I guarantee you have an inner voice that talks to you and
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  feeds you - narratives almost every single day and you don't
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  even realize it yet. So please get to know that voice
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  and understand that you are worth having a more positive
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  narrative. You are worth being able to feel
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  your feelings without being written down with guilt, without
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  being convinced that you shouldn't feel those feelings.
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  And without an inner voice, telling you that you are, You
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  are not enough, so that's going to do it for today's episode.
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  Thank you so much for tuning in. Please message me on my
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  Instagram at Jewel, boy underscore, and let me know what
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  you thought about today's episode.
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  If you need any help, feeling your feelings.
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  I also make a really sad music and it's out everywhere.
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  Just look up. Ethan, Jewel and go.
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  Listen, I have two new songs coming out in a couple of weeks
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  that I think you will really, really like.
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  So, thank you so much for joining me.
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  Thank you for listening. And as always, Ways, thank you
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  for feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.